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Britty
Copyright, Briity
My Life, My Suicide, My Survival
It all Started the day my dog had died it was september 7th 2000.. when he died i felt as if my heart was torn out of my body...it hurt so much i could not bear the pain...then a year later my parents were having fights and were fighting continuiously..and fighting with their fists and verbaly.. i sat in my room down stairs and thought of my life ahead of time... ans what was I to do at that time..i did nothing i let it eat at me inside...until i turned to my drinking and drugs...i became addicted to alcohol and marijuhuna, acid, and shrooms... then one night i went to a party with my friend joanne and to my extent i was drugged and raped by a guy who i thought was my friend...also when i was 5 i was molested by my fathers so called best friend..and i never knew when i was 5 years old that it was wrong.. but now i do and my father does not believe me... i have transferred schools from blackburn jr. to duchess park secondary..i hated the move and when i left my dad i was happy b/c i thought he was a jerk.. i went to my new school and made lots of new friends then all my problems were cathcing up to me and was effecting me in every way possible.. i hvent had suicidal thoughts before but now i do.... i couldnt take it no moe i wanted so much to just be a happy and normal kid with no problems and have my parents together again and be a happy family..but i know that it would never happen..b/c my mom had a boyfriend and my dad had a girlfriend..my mom never payed any attention to me and never listend to me when i needed it or when i needed sumone to talk to about my suicidal thoughts..i tried to tell her but it never came out.. then i went and sat in my room and said if there really is a god then why is he doing this.. i never have believed in god at all in my life...and i am not about to..i went home that night after school and i was so depressed i couldn't think strait..then i went into the bathroom..and drank bleach..i drank half the jug of bleach and when i did i was vomiting profously it took me forver to quit.. then i took a knife and stabbed myself in my stomach and i layed there bleeding on the floor with the bleach spilled onto the floor.. my brother walked in and yelled " MOM" and they took me to the hospitial.. the only thing i remember of that experience is the pai i felt and drinking the bleach and stabbing myself in the abdomen..then from ther on it was a black out..i woke up to my suprise that no one was there but the doctors had pumped my stomach..and it hurt so much i couldn't move..i went home a week later and i started feeling the same way again..like i did all depressed and out of control and couldnt think strait.. so i sat in my room again thinking now i will kill my self for sure this time i will make sure no one will ever see me again..so i took a rope and tied it into a knot and was off to hang myself off of the bridge...and i bumped into my friend Nick when i walked by he noticed i was very depressed and he stopped me and asked me what was wrong so i told him...he took me back to his house and talked to me about all my problems and after that i never wanted to kill myself because i had someone to hug and talk to when i needed it the most.. Nick is now my boyfriend hes 17 and i am 16..we have been together for a year and i am very happy that he saved my life..now i havent been suicidal in a year and a half and hes helping me through this gradually but slowly.. before u think of committing suicide think of the ppl who would be able to help you ..i found my true love that night and hes my boyfriend all a person needs is to be talked to so they can tell someone close what they are feeling.. my suicida i survived and i will never go back b/c i put it all in my past the past never matters unless you let it get to you and invade your mind..but never turn to suicide talk to someone..anyone your parents or your friends..they will help you through it...If i can do it anyone can do it.. stay strong and hold onto wat you have left in your life dont make your last bit of happiness hurt you and dont have suicidal thoughts... now i feel better im not on drugs nor an alcoholic and im not suicidal..i commited suicide and i lived to tell about it.. it was the worst and most unthought ful thing i have ever done in my life and my hero is Nick Sibson.