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Amanda
Copyright, Amanda
I have been going through a downward spiral lately. I'm unsure of what to do right now, so I decided typing it all out could help me to think of things that have happened. One of my first real suicide attempts what taking pills. I didn't count the exact amount, but I just took anything I could get my hands on from the kitchen cabnet.
I fell asleep a few minutes later, thinking I wouldn't be waking up the next morning. To my surprise, I did. I woke up with the worst pains I had ever felt. Throwing up all over myself kind of told me that I hadn't died. I was like that the whole day. Most of the day I was praying that I had died because the pain was so terrible.
My family wasn't aware I had done it, because there was a bug going around, so what I did was kind of sneaky. I told a few days later, and was sent to a crisis center. That started my string of therapy and psych ward stays.
Even after all of that I attempted with pills again. I guess I just hadn't learned. My sister saw me doing it this time, and my mother drove me to the emergency room. I had to have an IV plugged into my hand and drink two cups of disgusting charcoal. From 4 pm till 12 am I just lay there in the bed, wondering why I had done this to myself. Wondering what would have happened if I had actually gotten away with it this time, and it worked.
My mother and sister were with me most of the time, and my mom saw that I was in pain just laying there. The pills that I took made me very drowsy, but not at all tired. I was sleepy to the point where my eyes were tearing because I needed so badly to sleep, but I couldn't. They had to take my blood two times for some reason. The nurse wasn't exactly that good, because she had stuck my arm more than 5 times unable to get any blood. It was a horrible experience that has burned a bit of knowledge into my mind forever. I know there are other ways to kill yourself. I'm not saying go try those. But when I saw my family sad because of what I did, I realised there was some things I had to do in life. It was to help other people stay happy.