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Megan
Copyright, Megan
I remember when I was a little girl I was so happy. I didn't have a care in the world. I loved everything.
Now I am 16 and scared of everything.
I also remember when I was a little girl that I quickly became fascinated with blood. I would pick open scabs and watch the wounds bleed. I was constantly competing with my "twin" brother (he's 10 months younger than me) for my dad's attention.
When I was 12 I became severely depressed. I remember one night I took a whole bunch of pills I had found in the bathroom. It wasn't enough to do anything. A few nights later I took a sewing needle and poked and scratched at my skin. This turned into my cutting problem. I began to use sharper things... safety pins, pocket knives, pieces of glass. I would also take a lighter and burn my arm sometimes.
The SI went away for awhile... then my sophomore year in high school it came back worse than ever. I finally was with someone I loved... but he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. I couldn't take it so I began cutting more often and deeper. I tried to commit suicide several more times. I tried to quit over and over, but everytime I would fail.
I never got treatment. Right now I am at 86 days of no cutting. However, I did burn myself a few days ago and my arms will have new scars on prom night. I'm scared and depressed. But most of all, I just want to get better...