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Daniel
Copyright, Daniel
im 16 have been hurting myself since i was 7 i dont even remember how i started it was all so sudden ive stopped now for about 2 months and its been hell a hard getting here recently ive been wanting to cut alot i hate myself for feeling like this i know its wrong but each time i do it, it makes me feel better for about 2 hours or so then the hurt it all just comes back and i just cant bare it i look at the scars on my arms and my legs and my chest and i hate myself i was put in a hospital when i was 12 they thought it would help but as soon as i got out i just went back to doing it even worse i would hide it always with sleeves or a sweater sometimses at school people would notice and they start talking crap like telling me that im stupid that i just want to fit in with the"cutting crowd" people can be so mean it just makes it even worse i try not to let them get to me but its hard my best friend has helped me alot she also used to cut we both have dealt with so much its nice to have somebody who understands and to all those who think they can never quit dong this to yourself your wrong you can stop its hard but it is possible i used to think that i could never stop but i have and once you do its great dont let people make fun of yu for this its not your fault for doing this to yourself what if you go to far one day and you hit a vein and youll wish yu could take it back but you cant its either your cutting or your life cutting is just a gateway to killing yourself suicide is not the answer cutting yourself hurting yourself in any form is horrible but it can be stopped i want to cut every second but i dont and i just hope i wont go back down that road i used to cut heavily with a blade id carry it with me everywhere i went and when i didnt have it i would use pieces of glass i found on the floor pop the eraser off the end of a pencil and jab the metal into my skin until i bled any sharp object i could find i would use things right now are tough for me and ive been haveing those really bad feelings of cutting but even more intense than ever parents divorceing im going through so much crap myself im gay and i really hate myself for being gay and apparently so do alot of other people its hard being a gay guy in this world and lately ive been thinking of suicide i know i said all that pro life stuff and i probably sound like a 2 faced idiot but thats just how i feel i wake up and all thats on my mind is cutting and suicide i know i need help but im to afraid to ask for it i dont want to be put back in a hospital and i dont want my family to know that im gay cause they pretty much hate gays i dont know what to do anymore i have friend s who care deeply about me but i still feel so alone iam worthless i mean nothing a pile of waste i hurt everyone im stupid and ugly i dont even deserve death i want just to be happy for once is that to much to ask for? im gonna try my best to stay away from hurting myself i know i can do it its rough but i have to at least try we all do anyone can overcome this any girl and any guy we just have to be strong and live life may suck now but we have to have hope that it will get better because it will no matter how much it hurts thigs cant always stay crappy things only get worse before they get better hurting yourself, deppresion thats not all that life is made of life is a gift you may not see it but it is things do get better have hope and just live