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Tonya
Tonya
Copyright, Tonya
I am a cutter too. I've seen and read alot about the
ppl on this page. I was amazed to find out there are so many
others like me. I live in Jonesboro AR. I was 12 when I first
started cutting. I put in my arm. The only word I had
ever cut in it. My so to speak friend began to mock me. It
hurt. And I cut myself again. I began to feel the anger
being released from me like cutting was some escape. And it
continued for a very long time. Odd cuts on my body. I burned
myself. I made two huge marks that bled from scratching myself
on my chest. I remember when it got so bad the first
time. My friend turned me in. A lot of ppl did. And I was
sent to St. Bernards. I was inpatient for three months and I
thought I got better. I had a few short relapses after being
discharged. It'll be one year Oct. 31 since I went in. I have
made uncontrollable marks on myself since my last relapse. I need
help again and I know it. I know if I don' t stop this could
easily turn into suicide. I know God is there and I know he
hurts when I cut. But I know too that it has become
such an addiction, the blood flow. How dark the blood gets in
some spots, the way they look after they stop bleeding. It's
overtaking. And this week. With it being Oct. 14 I'm going to
try to get myself inpaitent again. My biggest
fear is they won't accept me. Only then can I really be watched
and stopped. Therapy is not enough. And I'm a danger to
myself. I have so many friends. Some really do care. I
know. And I thank everyone that does. And I only pray that if
I end up going to far... that you will remember and love me. I
hope some of you will be there when I feel like going that far.
Thankyou.
