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Raylene
Copyright, Raylene
Well thanks to all you other 'cutters' now I know I am not alone. My first cut was at age 16 and that continued regularly for the next 18 months. Living a very unstable life this was the one thing I could call my own. The only pain that hurt was living with the scars and other people's reactions, including friend's. I spent alot of money and time visiting one plastic surgeon to the next trying to make my scars dissapear but I know now that will never happen and have learnt to live with them.
I thought cutting was a way of gaining attention untill it occured to me I was doing it in my own privacy then hiding my cuts from the world, surely there was a deeper meaning! I then realised how good it made me feel and I didn't have to share it with anyone untill someone who loved me interfered and no longer was this sacred to me. This person helped me to stop injuring myself by expressing how badly society would accept this. Maybe worrying what people think about you was a positive thing for once.
Like other cutters it stopped for some time whilst I tried to have my cuts repaired but what a waste of time this was because the desire and ability to cut was still there.
Even though doctors told me how common cutting is untill now, eight years on, I haven't educated myself about it. I am grateful that I've looked into it so I now have a better understanding of why I have (and still do!) cut myself. Although I feel the temptation evey other day I've not given into it for 13 months and hope I remain this strong.
Some say prevention is the best cure but for me that's too late. Now support and dealing with it is my best option!