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Cass
Copyright, Cass
I would just like to give my story or point of view about self-injury. If this sound long and on going I'm sorry this is my first time telling my story to strangers. I am seventeen and have been inflicting harm on my self for about five years now. I can't tell you about the first time I cut because I have systematically blocked out most of my childhood, which when I first started cutting. I have used several forms of self harm including cutting, burning, stabbing, hitting myself, and even breaking bones.
I can't give an exact reason why I started, but in general it was mostly a response to my family life. I come from a divorced family. I have a stepmother who at one point I hated, but now love. I have two sisters, one is adopted and the other is step, I also have 2 stepbrothers. I love all of my siblings even if I see them very often. My parents had joint custody up until my father (who I loved very much) died when I was 13 of hepatitis C. Now that is when the major part of my story begins. My mother became power hungry and obsessed with controlling my sister’s and my life. She began physically abusing us only after years of emotional and mental abuse by my stepmother and herself. There was always a threat of being put in a reform school or mental hospital. I, naturally, became detached and depressed. And having no one to talk to and no other way to release my anger and hatred towards my family and myself. I found cutting would snap me back into reality and give me some control of what little life I had left. A year or so after my fathers death my adopted sister who lived with my mother and I began beating me on a pretty regular basis. Most of the time my mother would just sit by and watch until she tired of hearing me scream and cry, only then would she tell my sister to go to her room. I was the youngest and the least noticed. I had always done well in school and been well behaved. I tried not to cause trouble and yet trouble always seemed to follow me. I soon found myself cutting sometimes up to 2 or 3 time a day. This would go on for a month or so and then I would slow down a little. I haven't been doing it as much lately, but I still do. And sometime I feel like I don't want quit because if I did I would go even crazier and try and kill myself. Well that is about it. It feels kind of strange putting that all out in the open.