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Meta
These stories are told by people who take a step back from their self injury and try to describe why they do it and what self injury does for them.
A Life Without Self-Harm?
Unknown author
At the point at which I am now at with my harming, I can somehow step back and see where I was, and where others seem to be. As I have read through other peoples sites, one thing seems to have constantly come into view. All these people say that they want to stop harming, but I do not believe this. I am not trying to be awful about it, and I would love for all those people to truly mean it, but I feel that they are where I was.
It's like I have got out of this hole that all self-harmers are in, and I am looking down on all those people who say they want to stop. I can't quite explain what I mean, but it's almost like I have woken up from a dream. Ok I am still cutting, but only very rarly and it doesn't have any effect for me, it's just that it's the only thing I have for coping with things.
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Dingo
Copyright, Dingo
When I was in Elementary school, this lady used to take care of me after school, since my parents were both, and still are for that matter, workaholics. She had this huge Iguana, named Meech. I used to let him crawl up my arm, and long, thin lines of red would appear. It was the perfect excuse to cut, although I didn't know that when I was that young.
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Anonymous
Life in Gaithersburg, Maryland is pretty boring, nothing to do but sit around and go to the mall all day, smoke ciggarets and talk on the phone, but when your living in a place like this, suicide, for most people is the answer. I started feeling suicidal, wheni was about 11 or 12 (I'm now almost 16). My brother was bipolar two, so he was always yelling and screaming, his depression was worse, and i'd always catch him smoking pot. Back then I was the "good" child, i did all my homework, etc, because that would keep me form getting depressed, i wasn't really ever popular until 7th grade, but even trhen i was still kindof anti-social, i would always think of suicide, but never acted. then on the summer befor 8th grade, my brother freaked out, he took a gun and started shooting at me, i was never shot but he put the gun to my head and shot it, but it was empty. he ran out of the house and went somewhere. i cryed and cryed i was so depressed i started writting suicide notes, but a week later i was fine. By this time iwas changing, i was changing my style my friends, everything, but i didn't know what was going on inside my head. all of 8th grade i would be asked "do you worship the devil" and i was just laugh, at the end of 8th grade, i turned for the worst,i met this guy and he got me snorting, and i loved it, i'd go to raves, smoke sum pot do some herion, and keep in mind i was 15, doing crack, herion, acid,shrooms, and it kicked ass. Befor i could think i was starting ot cut myself all over my legs, everything,i was so claose ot dying at time that i threw up, i never went to my mom,or to the hospitle just to my bathroom and hoped i would cie, but i would always live..then a few weeks brofr school ended, a friend of my best friend killed himself, cause of death? suicide by hanging. He had taken a rope and tied it to his fan in his room. I cried, but i just keps dropping acid and doing speed, and everytihng else, and oyu could see it on me too, i would wake up and look so messed up my mom would call me a zombie. Finnaly my one big tripp was over, i woke up and went into the bathroom and for the fist time in about 3 or 4 months i looked at myself in the mirror, i yelled for my mo mand they took me to the hospitle, i was ther for almost 2 weeks, they let me out and put me in IOP, but i kept cutting myself. i wouild always cry, and cut myself daily, i carved words and song lyrics in my arms, and i am wiccan so i'd try carving symbals. one night i was sitting in my rom and i cuz to deep the blood shot out of my arm,i screamed and my mom braught me to the hospitle, i stayed in the hospitle for 6 months, and i felt os bad, so destroyd, i slept all day. i got word that my friend ashley killed herself by ODing on drugs, it was liek everyone was drying, so then and there i stopping cutting, stop drugs and everything but it is still hard at times but i know i'll get thru, and when i look back idon't regret any of it, (IN A WAY) because it made me the person i am today, a strong person. and i'm proud of myself now, that i am healthy.
Anonymous
I have been cutting since I was 10 years old. I can't even remember the first time I cut, but I remember lots of times inbetween. Even in elementary school I cut in the tunnels on the playground during recess alone. All during my childhood I no one. Now I am 17 years old. This spring I was caught. Now I know I was suspected before then. However any one that suspected did not care enough to push it. But Ive always known it was "not good". I had no other choice. I had concidered getting psychological help. But as a minor I couldn't do so on my own and how could I explain to my parents not to worry because nothing was the matter I just all of a sudden decided I needed therapy...
unfortunently or maybe fortunetly all my decisions were made for me. My teacher suspected me because of my oppinions on the topic as expressed in class, and I suppose my entire outlook and attitude in my psychology class. He saw a razor in my bag which I guess was plenty for him. He reported me later that day. Ofcourse since I am only 17 the school called my parents. They still don't want to believe it and in end result they don't. I still am not going to get any kind of help.