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Spring
Copyright, Spring
My name is Spring, I'm 27 and have suffered from self harm for 2 1/2 years. I remember when it all first started I just had my third child, and already suffered from panic attacks and depressions for 5 years prior to when all this started. They were little cuts at first not deep and only my partner new, I was Hiding it from my family for 4 months before they found out and the only reason they found out was that I got out of control one day and my other half had to ring my parents they took me down to my doctor's and he tried anti depressants and Valium, murelax Physic's after physic's since then. But Last year was probably the hardest year so much happened and the worse the problem the deeper my cuts got, I then stared getting very suicidal I tried jumping out of the car, over dose, hanging myself that many times I have lost count we have cathedral ceilings so it's easy, but what isn't easy is seeing my kids go through all this my oldest has rang her farther to come home because of me I 'll never forget one day I tried to hang my self I made all of them sit in the bedroom until there father came home and my daughter kept running out she was historical nearly fainting going white and sick and she was only six years old. It got that bad I was admitted to hospital, but really nothing helps both my arms are covered in scares and my thighs. I went good there for a while at the end of last year but just recently it's taken over me again when I say that I mean it feels like I have no control over my mind, it feels like 10 thousand things are running through my head and I can't stop them thinking, I've started up the cutting again (I was good for about 4 months) but now I cant cope if something happens and it's not even my fault I feel bad and cut my self but the release I get after is like a calm feeling, it got that bad last year it was like a addiction and I no I'm going back wards because tonight I wanted to cut but have not yet or smash something or run out of the house and go and stand out on the road which I have done several times in the past. I no allot to do with it at the moment is me being sick, I've been sick since October last year and there still trying to found out what is wrong with me, it limits me from doing things because the pain is so bad but I'm sure they'll find something soon. I know I haven't made much sense and I'm sorry but I'm not in a very good state of mind, after reading what I wrote has really upset me and that's stuff all that has happened. But it brings back allot.