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Sarah
Copyright, Sarah
To make you understand why i started self harming you will have to know what ive been through in school, it all started in year 10, a certain group of lads were constantly bullying me. Then one day the leader of the group of lads got his two older brothers to pin me down whilst he raped me one night in my local park. This was only 6 months ago, and im only 15. However, the bullying started about 9 months ago, this is when i found that if i cut my arms it gave me an extraordinary sense of relief, i felt that i was worthless and this was the only way to punish myself for the way i was, and it was just a bonus that i found i actually liked the pain and the feelings of relief it gave me and i have now become addicted to cutting, i use it to deal with any issue or problem i have. I use any excuse i can find to get out of p.e, even forging notes to my teacher just so that i dont have to get changed and risk anyone seeing my arms. If i tols you that i wasn't scared, i'd be lying, i am scared, scared of loosing control when i have the knife held to my arm. I have no eating disorder and to everyone else (including my mum) i seem a normal, happy girl. The school told my mum about the rape when i freaked out when a male teacher just tapped me on the shoulder from behind, i broke down cying to my female head of year and told her what had happened. But no1 no's about the cutting. I hope my story makes someone else who is self harming realise that they are not the only one. I would suggest for them to tell an responsable adult what their doing, i would if i could build up the courage, if they are like me and cant bring themself to tell an adult, tell a close friend, its better to have someone to talk too.
I hope my story helps.
Luv Sarah.x