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Emily
Copyright, Emily
I am only a young teenager with so many i cannot control. i cut my body to feel alive. i need to feel the pain and see the blood to feel real. my life is fuckin screwed. i have no where to turn. my life is totally messed up. so i do what what i do best. cut my self deep and see my blood and feel the wonderful pain. without self injury i'd be dead by now. since i was 10 i have been wanting to die. i cannot stand my life and the only way to cope with the depression is to cut. it's my life. cutting. it makes me feel alive and it relieves my stress. evreyone says i'll be ok but they don't know how i feel. they don't understand me. people in school think i'm crazy and all my friends try to help but i think no one can help me now. i'd die if i couldn't cut and see the blood and feelthe pain. cutting. it's my life.
A Few Days Later...
I am thriteen years old and I've been a self injurer for three years. The SI started when one day I really wanted to comit suicide so I started to cut myself and relised I only needed to give myself physical pain to rid myself of my depression. Well that cutting did make me feel better but the only problem was was that when the pain left me I became more depressed and then started to cut again. I still cut today and I hate that I have so many scars and marks on my body. I get embarressed when people start to stare at the scars and cuts on my body.I have been trying to stop cutting for I don't know how long. I've been into one hospital and my mother is ready to put me into one again soon. Every time I try to stop myself from cutting I end up doing more damage to myself then what I wanted to do. I can't seem to stop cutting. The cutting makes me feel alive and happy and care free. My grandmother says I'm just running away from my problems but that's not the case. What I'm really doing is running away from my life and myself. I want to stop cutting but it just is too hard for me.It's come to the point that all I ever think about is cutting the feeling that comes with the cutting. I hate myself because of who've I've become and I just wish I could die. I don't even know who I am anymore. All my friends call me "The Gothic Cutter", I hate it when they call me that but they never listen to me when I tell them that. My life is so fucked up. I can't even look into a mirror without being ashamed abuot what I've become. My life is just fucked up. My life is a bitch to me. All I do in my life is think about cutting and cutting myself. I just wish I could die.