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Personal Stories

Personal accounts of what it is like to live with self injury. If you want to tell your story (you can be anonymous) please go to the Contact page.

Ciara sent me an email titled 'our hidden treasure':

have you ever wonderd who all knew of this wonderfull pleasure? well reading all these stories, actolly lets me see what i was feeling but could never put into words.people may find this act scary but we know they dont know. they dont feel the rush. they dont cry like we do, they use tears, we use blood.do we actolly know why we do this though. We all think, and know its not right or it wouldnt be our hidden treasure. it makes us secure when nothing else could. it makes it fun and exciting,but still, why this hidden treasure? why not just cry with tears? does any one know the answer? i honestly dont think we ever will but that is ok because it is still our hidden treasure

An anoymous reader sent me the following:

The sharp thin knife slowly moves down your arm as the blood flows out. It feels so good. You can't stop. You feel alive. Slowly at first and faster and faster as you remember why you were doing this. The horrible things said the horrible things done, you just couldn't handle it anymore. You stop as you hear a knock at the door. You hurry to clean it up and then you get out of there. You can't wait till next time to do it again.

Eleanor sent me the following:

Hi. My name's Eleanor, i'm 17 years old. I've been cutting myself for about a year now and I'm scared. I don't know why I'm writing this. Possibly because I'm hoping that someone out there might understand what none of my friends or family seem to. I've been to the doctors and they put me on anti-depressants which aren't helping. My arms are such a mess. I've become so isolated, I just needed to talk to somebody.

An anoymous reader sent me this:

ive never really told anyone bout this before except my best friend, i have an eating disorder, thats wat started my self harming, after seeing myself in a mirror i started cutting (punishing) because i hated wat i seen, but i have the eating disorder under control, but i havent learnt how to deal with my other problem which has been apart of me for a long time, i cant let it go, i stopped at one stage then i found myself hitting parts of my boding to take the pain away.

Jade sent says:

i feel my skin burning just for a moment or two then the sweet feeling deep inside as the blood flows down my arm and drips off my fingers. i smile satified that ive done what i had to. i never look at what ive done but i just know that i needed to.

Cristal sent me this:

My name is Cristal. I am 17 years old. i cut, bite, and overdose. It all started when my boyfriend dumped me and I got depression. five months later a guy who was my mom's boyfriend left. So I became sudical. That was Nov. 15, 2000. On Nov. 20 I wrote a suicide note and give it to somebody. They called the and I went to the emerancy mental hospital for few hours then I went home. On Dec. 14, 2000 I started cutting. And I still to it now I bite and overdose. I have overdose 11 time within 10 months. I havnt overdose in 7 weeks but i still cut once in a while. So I know what you people are going thur. I was rape and etc. by friends and family.

A few days later she sent me the following:

i have been self harming for six years. I didn't know until recently that punching walls and hitting you self with hard objects is self harming. I cut at least once every two weeks but the last week and half. I have been doing it almost of every day. I am almost getting kick out of my special school I go to. I mean cutting is something I have to do every day. I have been cutting almost 15 months. It is very hard to explain to people why I have scars all over my arms,stomach, and legs. Nobody that doesn't cut doesn't understand why I do it. I helps me relaxs. I have also overdose 13 times within 11 and half months. I have been in the mental hospital for self abuse and overdosing and it sucks. So I am writing this to tell people that if you are thinking of cutting or overdosing don't do it. It is not worth it. I havn't learn that life is worth living but I know I will their some day because I have a bunch of people help me get thur the bad times.And I bet if you try you can get help to.

Ray says:

To everyone who thought self Injury was a cry for help: I don't remember the first time I took my aggressions out with a knife. All I know is that this is how I deal with all the emotional stress I have to deal with each day. When I make the cuts it's not for the attention, it is for the satifaction. I'm getting back what they took and correcting the feeling that comes over me when I think of all the situations I had no control over. I feel like I am in an on going battle with a debt that will never be paid.

Sara sent me this:

These tears seem endless to me, i don't think i could ever see the path out of this misery. I sometimes wonder if the tears will ever stop, if they will ever stop flowing when there's enough. Im lost in believing that i could ever be loved, or happy, or strong, or all together just proud. Im surrounded by lies that my own mind told me, about the happiness that icould one day maybe have. That's why im crying and i can't stop, im drowning in myself and tehre will never be drought.

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