Please note: This site will look much better in a browser that supports web standards, but it is accessible to any browser or Internet device.

You are here: Home > Archive > Ratatosk.net Forum > Threads 3151 to 3200

Threads 3151 to 3200

alles scheiße
Posted by lacri on Wed Nov 28 22:56:11 2001 (#12466)

hallo, es tut mir leid, daß ich diesen Beitrag auf Deutsch schreibe, daß hier vermutlich eh keiner lesen kann. Ich hab halt im Moment keine andere Möglichkeit. Mein Tag war beschissen, ich habe erfahren, daß ich meine Thera beenden muß. Eigentlich möchtre ich lieber tot sein, als auch nur noch einen weiteren Tag zu leben. Ich kann nicht mehr. Ich hasse die vielen Schnitte, Narben an meinen Armen. Selbst, wenn es mir irgendwann mal wieder besser geht, wie soll ich diese Narben erklären ? Sie werden mich nie loslassen. Meine Vergangenheit wird mich immer einholen, und der Wunsch zu sterben auch. Sorry für das Kauderwelsch, was ich mir hier gerade zusammengetextet habe. Ich muß diesen Druck irgendwie loswerden, und durch das Schreiben geht das manchmal. Scheiß Leben *seufz* Danke für´s lesen....

Re: alles scheiße
Posted by DyingtoDie on Wed Nov 28 23:19:11 2001 (#12472)

whoa that'a a whole lot of not English... Sorry I don't understand it... Becky

Re: alles scheiße
Posted by kim on Wed Nov 28 23:47:45 2001 (#12476)

umm...i speak a little german...i might try and translate it for everyone if i have time...

Re: alles scheiße
Posted by sara on Wed Nov 28 23:59:34 2001 (#12479)

hello--i don't know german...but i do spanish, french and latin..but no german...even though i don't know what the post is about, i hope whatever is happening that it gets better :-) don't give up.

sara

Re: alles scheiße...i tried my best
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 00:07:36 2001 (#12480)

okay i traslated this the best i could.....

Hello, I am sorry that I write this contribution on german, that here probably before none can read. I hab simply in the moment no other possibility. My day was learned beschissen, I that I must conclude my Thera. Möchtre actual I dearer dead are, and to live only another further day. I can no longer. I hate the many cuts, scar at my arms. Does even if it sometime once again better go me, like I should explain this scar? You will never release me. My past will always overtake me, and to die the wish also. Sorry for the gibberish, what I have me here straight zusammengetextet. I must get rid of this pressure somehow, and through the letter, that goes sometimes. Scheiß life *seufz* would thank for´s lesen...

to lacri
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 00:11:52 2001 (#12481)

Ich könnte nicht wirklich alle verstehen, daß Sie. geschrieben haben, aber ich werde mein am besten versuchen. Ich bin froh Sie zu dieser Stelle sind gekommen! ich spreche ein kleines Deutsch und ich werde mein bestes versuchen, dies rechts zu machen! alle von uns hier gehen durch die gleichen Dinge die Sie sind. wir sind alle hier für Sie. er alle schneiden unsere Selbst aus dem gleichen Grund. ..but sind Gründe sind sehr verschieden. nur erinnert sich an, daß Sie nicht allein sind, und wir sind alle hier für Sie!

to kim....
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:04:55 2001 (#12519)

that is so sweet of you....you are a really beautiful and kind person to go to all that trouble for someone you dont even know.....

you could become an awesome counsellor.

kae

Re: to kim....
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 21:58:33 2001 (#12546)

aww...thank you soo much kae...i actually do want to be some sort of counsellor someday...

thanks
Posted by lacri on Mon Dec 3 22:22:53 2001 (#12664)

Hello kim and all the others !

I´m sorry for not posting the text in english, but that evening I wrote it I felt very sad, and could only write it in german. My english is not very good, but I hope you may understand it. @ kim : Thank you very much for the text you wrote to me in german. Reading it, it helps me feeling better, when I know there are other people which have same problems like me.

Re: thanks
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Tue Dec 4 03:59:03 2001 (#12683)

no problem anytime german translation is needed i am here to help...hehe!

Translation from Alta Vista/Not very good
Posted by Linda on Mon Dec 3 21:33:37 2001 (#12661)

hello, it does wrong to me that I write this contribution on German that probably eh none can read here. I have stop for the moment no other possibility. My day was beschissen, I experienced that I mean Thera terminate must. Actually moechtre I rather dead its to only live and a further day. I cannot do no more. I hate the many cuts, scars on mean levers. Even, if I times again better am sometime, how I am to explain these scars? They will never release me. My past will always catch up me, and the desire to die also. Sorry for the Kauderwelsch, which I together-wrote the text myself here even. I must this printing somehow loose will, and sometimes by writing that can be done. Scheiss to lives * sigh * thanks fuerx27s read...

Re: Translation from Alta Vista/Not very good
Posted by Linda on Mon Dec 3 21:39:57 2001 (#12662)

Sorry Kim....I didn't even look at the replies to see if anyone tried to translate before I went directly to Alta Vista Babel Fish. I love doing that. It looks like you and Alta Vista came up with about the same thing!

please read and replie
Posted by jen on Wed Nov 28 22:59:41 2001 (#12467)

hey i am 14 i like hearing what you peeps do to your self cause i have not really coped w/ sumpthing that bad i just used to cut when i got bored or pist at someone but y do you do it y please e-mail me at jewishgurl@adamgarcia.every1.n et and explain y you do it put the subject as why <3 always, jen

please read and replie
Posted by jen on Wed Nov 28 22:59:46 2001 (#12468)

Re: please read and replie
Posted by kim on Wed Nov 28 23:51:02 2001 (#12477)

umm...yeah thats really odd....but whatever

Re: please read and replie
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:06:52 2001 (#12520)

you cut because you were bored....??

Re: please read and replie
Posted by . on Thu Nov 29 13:05:16 2001 (#12529)

yeah my friend said it was fun and cool

Re: please read and replie
Posted by megz on Thu Nov 29 19:00:44 2001 (#12538)

woteva

fun and cool?!?!?!
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 22:01:41 2001 (#12547)

okay you cut once because someone told you it was fun and cool? both of you are just grr you have no idea how much this pisses me off!!! all of us cut here for a fucking reason because we are hurting so much inside...and you do it because it is cool...makes sence...or not

Re: fun and cool?!?!?!
Posted by CryingRedTears on Thu Nov 29 22:22:11 2001 (#12550)

yea-i was thinking the same thing when i read the original post. self-injury isn't something that you do to pass time when you're bored. it's something that people do when they don't learn better coping techniques for the world around them. i find it really pathetic that you feel that the only way you can "fit it" w/ your friends is to fake a mental disease. pfft.

Re: fun and cool?!?!?!
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s ... on Fri Nov 30 05:23:55 2001 (#12567)

yeh exactly what I said to some other people on here when they said they cut for attention, people like you piss me off... there are people here with serious problems, that cant cope any other way.. that cut for comfort.. that cut because they have too.. they have to in order to cope, not because they want someones attention, or because they want to fit in a crowd because its supposedly "fun and cool"... its not big.. its not hard.. its pathetic... just grow up you stupid child. ...VäMpyRë§s...

shock-I've written a poem!
Posted by cindy on Wed Nov 28 23:05:17 2001 (#12469)

I'm not usually the kind of person who needs to express themself through such mediums as poetry but last night I was strangely compelled to write this: 'wishing for hopeful hues'-it's kind of simple and I have no idea if its any good but tell me what you think if you're interested:-

coils of silent dreams fill my head, these spirals of musty, hopeful hues, every colour that wants to be read, But all I perceive are the blues.

For that colour the most dank and cold, Is the one that pervades through my skin, This the rot that my senses enfold, All that's left is decay black within.

nice and morbid love cindy xox

Re: shock-I've written a poem!
Posted by kim on Wed Nov 28 23:52:54 2001 (#12478)

thats super good...keep writing!

Re: shock-I've written a poem!
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 00:15:37 2001 (#12482)

Its brillient!! keep writting Id like to hear some more :) Love always VäMpyRë§s xxx

Re: shock-I've written a poem!
Posted by ~~~ on Thu Nov 29 13:36:36 2001 (#12531)

I really like it :)

You should certainly write poetry more often!

Love, Butterfly.

Re: shock-I've written a poem!
Posted by megz on Thu Nov 29 19:04:57 2001 (#12539)

Every 1 can write a poem,but you've shown and described emotions and "it" really well.If you feel writing poetry helps the way you feel then write more and post them in.I've found it helps me loads.

I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS...
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 00:27:04 2001 (#12483)

Crimson Tears.

Pushing harder into my skin,

As I watch my tears flow.

Weeping crimson from my veins,

Why? - you'll never know.

Glistening under the candle light,

My blade seems like my saviour.

She has the power to take away pain,

Does that justify my behaviour?

Trickling down, my thoughts dissapear,

The pain has gone away.

I sleep, little satisfaction,

It will return tomorrow day.

(I wrote this for my friend, in the hope that maybe she will understand me a little more now, it worked to a certain extent, I think she realises partly why I cut now... thanks for reading, Love as always VäMpyRë§s xxxxxx)

Re: I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 00:41:50 2001 (#12486)

i can totally relate to this...its a wonderful poem!

Re: I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS
Posted by Mego on Thu Nov 29 04:59:15 2001 (#12513)

its perfect

Re: I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:10:04 2001 (#12521)

wow.......that was fantastic.....and im not just saying it......im not usually a huge fan of poetry but that was brilliant......i wish i could write like that!!

wow.....im going to copy that out and keep it in my diary....can i do that?

luv ya, kae

Re: I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 18:33:30 2001 (#12537)

Yeh sure thing.. I dont mind you copying it at all.. Im glad you like it :)

Re: I THINK YOU WILL ALL BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS
Posted by CryingRedTears on Thu Nov 29 22:38:22 2001 (#12552)

that was beautiful and passionate and it's obvious that you poured your heart out there (no pun intended)...keep it up

you have just experienced a mind dribble by: brittany

memories
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 00:38:54 2001 (#12485)

i have no idea why i keep thinking about this and crying about this now. last june my best friend killed herself. i was so shocked then and couldnt stop crying. she cut her wrists, and got stiches for the cuts. i was talking to her on the phone and i asked her what she was doing...she replied taking out my stiches...i didnt understand why she would be doing that...a little bit later she was saying goodbye and i didnt have any idea why...she was thanking me and saying all this stuff. i never thought that the next day i would find out that she got drunk and took a bottle of asprin. she died that day in her bed. i am crying now just writing this. i miss her so much. she was the only person i could ever really relate to until i found this forum...thank you to all of you who have helped me on here you truly do not know how much you are helping...but the thing that i dont get is now i am thinking of her all the time...i dont understand why...why do i keep bringing back her memory?? i miss her more then anything and i just wish i was with her. i was at my friends house with a few other friends and they didnt know her at all but i was telling them what happend...and my friends dad over heared us and said well she was just a weak person for doing that...i believe that you have to be so strong to take your own life...most people dont have the courage to do it, myself included even though i have tried twice before i did not try hard enough...i miss you nina and i will never forget you!

Re: memories
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 01:50:31 2001 (#12498)

sweetheart I know how it is, I have never lost anyone who has taken their own life, but I know how upset my family and friends were when I was in hospital when I overdosed and slit my wrists, I woke up to find my father standing there crying his eyes out.. this is the father that I had to testify against in court for beating the shit out of me everyday for 9 years, the father that attempted to hang himself in our garage infront of me and my younger brothers and sisters, it was very painful, and I can imagine how you are feeling, I was close to death, but not close enough... I saw how my family and friends were about this, I know how you feel.... please, be strong.. I love you always VäMpyRë§s

Re: memories
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:17:32 2001 (#12522)

ohh god girl....that is so incredibly sad.....fuck....life sux. i almost cried when i read that....almost, not quite....i hardly cry these days....

but shit.....thats really really terrible and i hope the aftermath of her death showed you how wrong suicide is...and i hope it shows everyone else that as well.

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: memories
Posted by megz on Thu Nov 29 19:21:11 2001 (#12540)

Stay strong.She felt no need to go on.I'm really trying not to say the wrong thing.Why don't you try to write some poems about it or draw some pictures.To be honest i think she's with you.She wants you to get through this.You will get over this.Although you shold try to 4get it DON'T SHOVE IT TO THE BACK OF YOUR MIND-IT'LL COME BACK TO YOU,trust me.

THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by Dawn on Thu Nov 29 00:57:22 2001 (#12487)

I don't know when I first posted, but it does not matter. I have watched new comers come on here in pain and needing to know others exist who injure themselves, then the association with cutters, who morbidly describe their cutting, infects the new comers and cutting becomes an epidemic.

Becky made a comment that she made me cut. Let me make it clear NO ONE MAKES ME CUT. I CUT BECAUSE I CONNECT WITH MY PAIN IN DEEPER AND DEEPER LEVELS AND EACH LEVEL IS HARDER TO DEAL WITH.

Becky morbidly wrote about making pictures with her flowing blood and Kae told her to get off of the board. I actually was going to tell kae everyone is welcome here, but incredibly the site was so busy it bumped me off. And during the time I was off correct mindedness came to me. And I picked up the phone and called the police insisting that the dispatcher here me out and not just say an officer would get back to me.

We come on the board to get help and support. But it seems that the support we unintentionally give is to keep cutting deeper, more violently, more often... and as we have seen (those who have been around long enough) is that like any addiction cutting escalates, and often times ends in death.

I love you all and do not want you to end your life. I fully agree that cutting does something that nothing else, including talking and other ways of venting does. But Becky is getting closer and closer to death. If you cannot see that you need your eyes examined.

I cannot let Becky kill herself when I have the means to stop it.

Many of you may disagree with all I've said. But it does not matter. If I only stop Becky from killing herself, my whole horrible life will be vindicated.

I am going to got to the mat on this. I don't give a rip what it costs me, but preventing dying is more important than anything that has ever happened to me.

This is just my opinion but I think this board, and everyone on it needs to examine themselves and see if they are promoting cutting or getting help.

I know how hard it is to reach out for help. I spent many years knowing I needed help to stop shoplifting, I even prayed for help and help came to me through a badge, handcuffs, peeing my pants, being escorted out of a store where all the cashiers knew me and everyone I passed saw my wet pants, then being finger-printed and getting a mugshot, and being put in a cell.

For 12 years I tried to stop physically and emotionally abusing my children, I even prayed everyday for a number of years, then help came from God reminding me I loved my children more than I hated their behavior and with the realization that I could not help myself or my children, and I put down my belt rather than murder my children and myself, and I finally stopped pretending to make the call and called the authorities on myself. And I made a vow with myself that I would never hurt anyone physically again. But I didn't include my body in the vow, so instead of hurting someone else when I was angry, afraid, in emotional pain, or NUMB I embarked on a new outlet for my feelings. But it really isn't an OUTLET it is an INSTEAD OF.

Well Becky's INSTEAD OF is getting her closer and closer to death, so I made another call to the police. I'm doing what I CAN DO to stop her from killing herself.

I know you all are in severe pain and cutting keeps you from killing yourself, and I know you hide it just like you hide the WHYS" I'm asking you to trust someone in authority to help you get the WHYS taken care of so that one day in weakness and tiredness you start cutting and keep doing it and dying by accident or on purpose.

I cut. I know what happens. How your minds says, "that's enough" and someone voice say, just a little more, then just a little more, and just like what happened with me the other night... the just a little more cut into a vein and I had to act fast to stop the bleeding. But many of you do not know how to stop the bleeding, or you cut in places where it is not easy to stop it.

Many of you say you don't get help because you do not want someone telling you to stop. Well people telling me to stop never stopped me, in fact it made my resolve to cut stronger. It made me feel more powerful. That was/is the only thing someone else cannot make me/or you do. But cutting does not change what happened to me, nor does it change my feelings. it only preoccupies my mind so I'm not thinking about my life or feeling my feelings for a very brief time.

And it is time to stop... I don't want Becky to die. And I don't want me to die.

So what about you?

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 01:12:39 2001 (#12491)

this is the second time you have done this to her? what if someone did this to you agaist your will...god i dont want her to die either...but cutting is usually what keeps people from dying...she is not you remember that everyone has their own ways of dealing with things...how could you do this to her...i know you mean well, but couldnt you try to help her instead of calling the police on her...

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by Nuni on Thu Nov 29 01:24:36 2001 (#12494)

We come here to support each other. Each and everyone one of us makes a judgement call on what is going to be posted. Im hoping a judgement call is involved... anyway. I am thinking that Dawn made her call, how it may affect becky no one really knows. But it just may as well save her life. Sometimes peoples cries for help are a lot more subtle than one thinks. Dawn Im glad you are here for a lot of us. I usually sit back behind the scenes and "listen". I use to post here when there were only about 100 posts now they are in the thousands. It can get overwhelming, triggering, sometimes depressing. But it is how you handle it that matters. Remember this is not to take place as therapy although it helps to feel less isolated. Sometimes it gets worse. Remind yourselves why you come here. I will remain behind the scenes thanking my lucky stars I have all of you that understand my pain... unspoken. nuni

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by Melz on Thu Nov 29 01:53:33 2001 (#12499)

I don't want Becky to die either, but if she really wants to, why are you stopping her? you are prolonging her misery. If she wants to kill herself she eventually will, and you won't be there to tell her no.

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by kels on Thu Nov 29 01:56:04 2001 (#12500)

yeh leave the gurl alone let her go, its her choice.. she wants to be free

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by KAT on Thu Nov 29 02:12:21 2001 (#12502)

Dawn,I dont know..it seems ever since Becky has come to this board you and her have had a good relationship as far as talking. but I dont wanna sound bad, but I think you take it a little to far, I agreee if you have the means to stop someone from killing themself them do it... but I mean I dont know what im trying to say so Ill stop. sorry -KAT PS. I tired to understand

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by Mego on Thu Nov 29 03:02:44 2001 (#12504)

what is going on? dawn is tryin to keep becky from killing herself, people are telling her to let becky die... look at us, there is too much controversy for me too get into this, too much for and too much against dawn to even try... i dont know. i'm sorry it has to be like this.

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by KAT on Thu Nov 29 04:13:30 2001 (#12512)

Listen huney itll be okay just take care of you
:)

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by DyingtoDie on Thu Nov 29 03:17:55 2001 (#12505)

I don't get it... I was doing good today... I realized that the other day was dangerous and I was scared of meself so I didn't cut for 2 days... I was doing good today and then all of a suddne the cops are over my house askign me if I talked to you Dawn... I don't get it... Now I have to go to counseling with my youth pastor again adn today in church my pastor told me, "just because you are miseriable doesn't mean you have to make the rest of us miersable... I dont' get it I was just sitting there... Dawn why are you doing this too me... I'm sorry, but this will probably be the last time I'm allowed to this site because my parents are gonna find out again adn be mad and not let me do anything... I don't know understand why would you do this .... the people here aren't hleping me just hurtign me more and more so why are you forcing me to go to them?? I'm just so hurt right now... All during church today my heart was pounding just because I'm hurting from you people so much... I dont' knwo Dawn I'm sorry I know you only mean to help, but you were out of line this time. I showed no suicidal feelings. I was doign better and it just feels like everytime I gain a inch I lose a mile... My heart hurts to much to say anything else... If anyone wants to emial me then you can, but I highly doubt I'll be bad here... Take care everyone... Becky

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 03:25:33 2001 (#12507)

becky dont give up hope please...what dawn did this time was wrong...we all know you were getting better...don't let yourself fall backwards...email me please...i'll give you my phone number or something...we live really close maybe we can get together or something...i am here for you whenever you need me...please feel free to email me whenever you need to talk...my screen name is...cuzkimmipooluvsu...good luck with everything!!

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by DyingtoDie on Thu Nov 29 03:29:44 2001 (#12508)

Don't be hard on Dawn... This may be the end of me for a while because i have a horrible feeling I'm gonna be put in a hospital, but it's not Dawn fault... Yeah i must say I'm not suicidal now nor was I before, but Dawn was just looking out for me... Dawn I want so bad to hate you, but I don't... I know why you did what you did so thanks, but I must say you weren't right by doing it... It has definelty made me alot worse especailly after what my pastor said to me as if he hated me, but what can we do now? Nothing... Dawn I'm not mad adn I hope no one in here will be mad at Dawn either... She truly cared, but perhaps she took it too far, but it doesn't matter all that much. SO what I'm screwed adn so many people are on my case, but I'll get over it just like I get over my dad's abusing me in every possible way. I've forgiven him, so I can forgive anyone... Really everyone it's alright. I'm not mad at anyone and I wish everyone the best of luck... Everyone take care I will miss you all... All my Love, Rebecca

Email
Posted by DyingtoDie on Thu Nov 29 03:37:53 2001 (#12509)

Hey I'm sorry I said you guys could emial me, but I didn't leave my address. I'm sorry. It's on teh top and I have another one: ThisIsntMe02@hotmail.com: If you want my screen names are HeyItsBecky02 adn ThisIsntMe02..... I go on both emails and screen name so what ever you want... Maybe I'll be allowed back, but my parents dont' knwo yet, but the cops already called once to let them knwo so they will call again... For like the third time bye. LOL... Becky

My Email
Posted by DyingtoDie on Thu Nov 29 03:38:02 2001 (#12510)

DAWN.....!!!!!
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:24:22 2001 (#12523)

dawn please.......what i wrote was NOT aimed at becky!!! it was aimed at melz because she wrote something wrong and hurtful to becky.....oh god i cant believe you thought i was writing that to becky....i got the biggest shock when i saw what you had written about me.....surely you know by now i wouldnt write stuff like that???? i wrote it to melz because of what she said....

i feel terrible now....

kae

EVERYONE, YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS
Posted by Dawn on Thu Nov 29 12:24:32 2001 (#12527)

None of you knows what Becky tells me in her emails to me, and I won't tell you. But I know a Becky who came on here, in blocked pain, and reaching out for help. And my heart opened up wide and let her in. I love her. And because I love her I called the police. She needs a neutral party that is not involved in her church, because there are things going on in her church the church doesn't want known.

From what Becky has told me I could not let her continue to spiral downhill a mile a minute. You don't know... You just don't know the details.

You don't understand that Becky needs protection from people who are abusing her while she is doing art work with blood. You might not see anything wrong with that but I do. Everyday she's bleeding more, and she tells me she wants to die, and will die to protect the people who are sexually abusing her.

I have been there, and yes Becky is not me. Becky is a teenager who tells me in one email she wants help, but no one will let her get it, and in the next she is ranting on about wanting to die and hating her body.

You all just do not know the whole story, and Becky forgets what she tells me.

The proof of Becky's slide down hil can be read in her posts and responses. Go to the preferences and see if you can see how Godsallsuffientgrace has come to be Dyingto die.

Another thing you don't know is how different it is to really love someone enough to put yourself on the line. You can ridicule me all you want, but Becky's life is more value than any negative thing you can say or think about me.

Becky tells me I shouldn't punish myself because of what others have done to me. The same is true for her.

Re: EVERYONE, YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS
Posted by star on Thu Nov 29 13:40:06 2001 (#12532)

Thsi may have seemed to be something that wasnt write to do to some people on here and i know im not on here a lot and im really gonna try to come on more as i really think you are all so amazing, but i think that Dawn onlt did what she thought was right and that people should not judge her for this as i think that she was trying to help its obvous to me from reading her posts that Dawn loves becky so much and i think that Dawn is an amazing person. I hope you are all ok Im sorry if my points were not of my business Take care Love and Prayers Amz xxx (*)

Re: EVERYONE, YOU DON'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS
Posted by megz on Thu Nov 29 20:02:19 2001 (#12542)

i don't really know what to say.i'm shocked,disappointed and upset and slightly confused-where did all of this come about?i really just wanna grab every s.i'er in the world and give them a special hug to make everything all better.i'm gonna get off this site for a while now-not feeling to happy. =(

kinda off subject but not
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 22:13:24 2001 (#12548)

okay this is kinda off the whole subject but yeah...it really bothers me and almost amazes me how people that are so involved in god and chuch that they could abuse their children and other family members...i hate when i here stories like this. chuch is supposed to be a place where you feel welcomed and can share anything, and it lets you get away from anything and everything that is hurthing you...it just goes to show how many people put on acts and act fake to the outside world

Re: kinda off subject but not
Posted by sarah on Fri Nov 30 01:18:06 2001 (#12563)

i know it is really bad, and it just goes to show that you have to be careful. but you only hear about the bad ones. for every bad church that you hear of, there are hundereds of good churches, where the people really know God and things like that dont happen. honestly. take care love 'n' hugs

Re: THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!
Posted by jes on Fri Nov 30 15:08:22 2001 (#12574)

hey, i just wanted to say that i do't think dawn has done anything worthy of the 'abuse' she's been getting. i know i don't know all of the details, but i think that if we were all in differnet shoes, ie, becky was someone you cared about, someone you knew, someone you went to school with, and she killed herself or there was a chance that that was where she was heading, and dawn hadn't said or done anything. i think you would be pretty pissed off, imagine how you'd feel if you best frined killed herself and you found out something could have been done to maybe help. i think that then you'd maybe willing to thank dawn even if she did jump then gun a bit. it's better to be safe than sorry is a phrase that comes to mind. xx

HELP, I'M CONFUSED, EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP
Posted by Mego on Thu Nov 29 02:49:48 2001 (#12503)

there is way too much going on here. my friend (nell, the one with the brother, tim, who i wrote about before) was rollin the other night (you know, x) with this guy sean, that she likes. he's gonna be 20 soon and she just turned 15. i met him once, and he seems nice enough and all but i really dont trust him. you know how it is, when you get one of those bad feelings about someone, even though you just met them?? well, she was talkin about that and how she hardly remembers anything about that night but he keeps coming over to her house when he knows that she's gonna be the only one home, he really likes her too. i think she's kinda scared about all of it but she's the kinda girl who will do anything to get attention from older guys (i always joke that shes addicted to them). she slept over at seans house last week, woke up in his bed and couldnt remember the night before. she took a bunch of cold medicine pills the other night for a high. she keeps telling me all of this stuff then asks me not to tell her brother because he will be mad at her and at sean. i wrote him a note yesterday, not telling him what she did but asking him to keep an eye on her and to try and take care of her a little. he saw me today and looked so worried, we didnt have time to stop and talk so he just yelled over his shoulder that he'd call me. he looked so scared, which was crazy because he's always calm about everything, he's just really easy-going. well anyway, he called me and asked me what was goin on with nell. i didnt tell him anything that she told me, just to watch out for her and to pay attention to what she's doing. if he tells her i said anything at all she will be mad at me. was this right or wrong?? i think one of my other close friends is cutting herself. she told me to write her a note about EVERYTHING. i did and it felt so good to get it all out (i didnt tell her that i'm still cutting myself but i told her about the first time my mom found out and that i did it a little last winter, but she thinks i stopped) but ever since then she's seemed so sad. i mean, she's moody anyway, and half the time she's fine once you ask whats wrong and baby her a little, but this isnt normal Kristine, you know? what do i do? she used to do stuff like snap rubber bands on her arms, once she scratched at her wrists, before i was friends with her, but i remember seeing it and it wasnt deep, just little scratches, something you could do with your nails. i dont know, i just have this feeling that she isnt okay this time. what do i do? i try talking to her and she either smiles and says she's fine and act like her normal, happy self for a couple hours, or she just shakes her head and wont talk to you for a couple hours. i know exactly what she's going through but somehow telling her about how bad shit has really been makes me feel so weak, like complaining about it just makes me a pain in the ass. so i dont know what to do about it. i cant tell her about this website, if i do she will read my posts and know that i'm cutting again any nobody can ever know. besides, i dont even know if she is hurting herself or not, i dont want her to think i'm crazy. i am trying to help my friends and protect them from everything when i cant even help myself. Am i just making it worse for them, instead of helping? god, i dont know whats even going on anymore. my family was fighting last night, i was sleeping upstairs with my door closed. it got so bad that it woke me up. i panicked for a minute, hearing them yelling like that, after a second i realized that they werent yelling at me and i just thought 'glad i'm not in that' and fell asleep again. i remember i hated when they fought and yelled at each other. now, as long as they aren't bothering me, i dont care. i'm trying to quit smoking (again) its been a week and 4 days since i had a cigarette. i'm proud of myself and its good cause my asthma has been really bad lately, but if i had a pack right now it would be gone in less than an hour. there is so much tension everywhere. my friends are changing, everything seemed like it was starting to get better for a while, i should have known it wouldnt last. nothing good ever lasts around here. goddamn, why am i complaining? and speaking of god, where the fuck is he? if there is a god who is so good, why the hell isnt he helping me? why isnt he helping my friends, why hasnt he helped my parents? i dont even know if i believe anymore. i pray every night before i go to bed, promising that if he just makes things better for a little while that i will stop cutting, i'll try harder to be a good person, i promise everything. and everything keeps getting worse. shit!!! nothing helps me, i need to just leave. i need to go somewhere else and start my whole life over. thats impossible so all i'm going to do is sit here and bitch about everything and bother you people. i'm sorry. i am going to post this and someone PLEASE reply and tell me to SHUT UP so i will stop bitching and just leave all of you alone. i am so serious, i need someone to tell me that. please.

Re: HELP, I'M CONFUSED, EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 03:18:35 2001 (#12506)

PLEASE DO NOT SHUT UP!!! it will help everything if you can just get it out like that every once in awhile. you are helping your friend...your not telling her brother on her but you are giving him hints to watch out for her...which could save her life. i have done the whole cold pill thing...and yes i belived that while i was high on them i was raped...but i do not know...but what the older guy...whose name was also sean...(very odd) asked me what my parents would do if i got pregnent i got really worried. luckily i didn't. just keep a watch on both of them. please. and about your other friend that you believe is cutting...just ask her...and maybe if she knew that you were cutting again things would get better, she wouldnt feel alone and you both could talk to eachother about it and help. i can tell you love your friends to death..dont give up!!!

scared
Posted by Mego on Thu Nov 29 05:12:11 2001 (#12514)

i'm listening to staind right now. i am totally relaxed right now but at the same time i am so scared because i just realised that i have nothing in the world to lose and it scares me so bad. i cant think of anything in the world that i have left. i'm losing all my friends anyway, things have never been okay with me and my dad, i just keep hurting my mom over and over. i dont have a real promising future. if i died things would get back to normal pretty quickly. i'm not saying that i'm going to kil myself or anything, i'm just thinking. i have to stop this!! i cant think about this anymore. someone tell me to shut up, please. i seriously think it would help me

Re: scared
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 05:36:07 2001 (#12515)

babe, its exactly the same with me, I have fuck all in my life, I upset my mom, my dads a bastard... I never speak to him anymore hes not allowed near me, Im constantly having big rows with my brothers and sister which also upsets my mother, its shit, Im 15 years old and Ive dropped school for fucks sake, my future is wrecked.. I have nothing... nothing but volotile madness and painful thoughts left.. its shit.. stay strong sweetheart, I know its hard, I dont want to, I dont see any reason for me being here, I dont value my life anymore, as I have explained to so many people, I have given up hope and Im not going to make anything out of my life quite obviously my career is fucked. sorry Im ranting now, hope things get better babe.. love as always VäMpyRë§s xxxx

Re: scared
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:37:37 2001 (#12524)

hey hun....

nobodys going to tell you to shut up because your feelings are very real and very painful.

everybody has something to live for...even if it doesnt seem like it right now. you are a good person and we need more people like you in the world. if life at home is hurting you this much, i think you need to take a big step and get it sorted out before it gets worse. how old are you? old enough to live alone? if not....then i say you should sit both your folks down and have a long, serious chat. or write it all in a letter. letters help, believe me.....

whatever you decide to do, keep us posted. but DO SOMETHING.

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: scared
Posted by kae on Thu Nov 29 10:37:21 2001 (#12525)

hey hun....

nobodys going to tell you to shut up because your feelings are very real and very painful.

whatever you decide to do, keep us posted. but DO SOMETHING.

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: scared
Posted by *me* on Fri Nov 30 00:27:45 2001 (#12558)

Ok, I'm not gonna tell you to shut up bc it's good to vent. This is one place you never have to "shut up."

Now, I have thoughts almost exactly like the ones you're talking about. And I know there's not much I can say to help, but just know that I would miss you, and I'm sure a lot of other ppl here would miss you, and you're a good person who deserves sooooooooooo many ppl who would BALL THEIR EYES OUT if you died. Plz know that while you think many ppl wouldn't do that, there are PLENTY who would. Including me. So be safe. And take care.

- side note - I LOVE STAIND!!

Lots of love.

Feeling Low...
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s... on Thu Nov 29 05:50:12 2001 (#12516)

hi guys, just thought Id post to tell you all how shit Im feeling at the moment. I dont get it, one minute Im fine, all smiles laughing etc.. the next Im down, feeling like shit and crying my eyes out. Im sat here in tears, and I have no idea why, I cant see any point in my exsistance, I feel so pathetic and useless :(

Re: Feeling Low...
Posted by star on Thu Nov 29 13:50:48 2001 (#12533)

darling, i dont know if i can say anything that will hwelp but im gonna try, we all have those shitty days i guess and i hope that your feeling better now? i havent really got any magic words wish i did, but i just wanted to say take care and if you ever need to chat mail me. Love and Prayers Amz xxx

Re: Feeling Low...
Posted by kim on Thu Nov 29 22:20:14 2001 (#12549)

babe i know the feeling all too well...i have ruined relationships because of my mood changes...but i am bi polar...i am told thats what is supposed to happen to me

STAR READ THIS!!!!!!
Posted by megz on Thu Nov 29 18:09:11 2001 (#12536)

I've just red your message and i think it's a really,really good idea.Why don't you post a new message and get every 1 2 tell you what they think of it.I'm sure they'll be up for it.It mite be an idea to make sure some1's on ths board at near enough all times so when people do need some1 to talk to,there will always be some1 for them

Re: STAR READ THIS!!!!!!
Posted by star on Fri Nov 30 10:01:17 2001 (#12570)

Hi babe um which messagewas itthat you read?iwasnt sure. write back love and prayers Star xx (amz)

STAR !!
Posted by megz on Fri Nov 30 19:16:17 2001 (#12580)

the one about your idea megz

Re: STAR !!
Posted by Star on Sat Dec 1 01:15:33 2001 (#12589)

oh um about people trying to be on here as much as poss? soz a lil lost with what messsage love and prayers star xx

OMG....i did it.....
Posted by Amanda on Thu Nov 29 20:40:53 2001 (#12543)

i went to the doctors i told him and he asked me loads of questions and he told me hes going to get me an appointment with the counsellor......i cant believe it, i was so nervouse and worried and stressed and down and all that shit....i had to really force myself not to cut....i didnt do it but i did dig my nails into my arms....i got a load of marks and its hurts but i didnt cut.

love trust and pixi dust amanda

Re: OMG....i did it.....
Posted by *me* on Fri Nov 30 00:29:56 2001 (#12559)

Hey congrats!! I'm really really proud of you. That takes sooo much guts! I know I couldn't do it.

Lots of love!

Re: OMG....i did it.....
Posted by sarah on Fri Nov 30 01:20:33 2001 (#12564)

well done babe. its a step in the right direction. stick with it and take care love 'n' hugs

Re: OMG....i did it.....
Posted by star on Fri Nov 30 10:03:54 2001 (#12571)

Welldone!!! that must have been so difficult but you did it so proud of you,Take care love and prayers Amz xxx (star)

Re: OMG....i did it.....
Posted by jes on Sun Dec 2 01:38:15 2001 (#12627)

well done hun, it's hard, but you did it. *hugs* xx

*wanders back in*
Posted by Lindsey on Thu Nov 29 22:28:55 2001 (#12551)

Hey folks, well I'm back, sorta. I'll try to post more. I left because I needed to find out who I was. Did a little soul searching ... came back empty handed.

Re: *wanders back in*
Posted by *me* on Fri Nov 30 00:31:23 2001 (#12560)

Welcome back hunnie.

Re: *wanders back in*
Posted by star on Fri Nov 30 10:06:58 2001 (#12572)

Keep searching hunny,take care if u need to talk mail me.Amz xx

Re: *wanders back in*
Posted by jes on Fri Nov 30 15:13:56 2001 (#12575)

hey, welcome back. :-)

hm
Posted by chris on Thu Nov 29 22:38:58 2001 (#12553)

hi.

sitting here after another fun day of failing classes, being let down, feeling alone, and i'm just bored. i thought i'd wallow a little bit. nothing wrong with that, right? nothing long, nothing fancy, i guess i'm done.

-chris

Re: hm
Posted by CryingRedTears on Thu Nov 29 22:50:57 2001 (#12554)

oddly sounds exactly like my way w/ one exception...my english teacher felt that it was necessary to go in depth into the last chapter of the scarlet letter (by Nathaniel Hawthorne) and how she thought that the scars in the shape of an "A" was self-inflicted...actually she called it "self-mutilation" which made me want to scream, but i felt that would be just a bit obvious...and then she proceded to say why she thought that all people that did this were simply doing it for attention and it wasn't a serious disorder. grr...i hate stupid people that think they know all about everything, just because they have a master's in eng lit.......arg.

you have just experienced a mind dribble by: brittany

Re: hm.... to Brittany
Posted by Star on Fri Nov 30 10:10:58 2001 (#12573)

Hi Babe do not pay any attention to this teacher it is obv to me that he/she doesnt know anything about s.i or people who si and that she could do with a masters degree in life before anything,i havent read the book but i have the vid of that what is it like i havent watched it yet? take care love and prayers Amzxxx (star)

Re: hm.... to Brittany
Posted by CryingRedTears on Fri Nov 30 21:50:18 2001 (#12583)

it's a totally rad book. i loved just reading it b/c it's really psychological/satirical. hawthorne really criticizes puritan culture and religion and he does it in a brilliant way. okay, enough of my ranting.

you have just experienced a mind dribble by: brittany

me, myself, and i
Posted by sara on Thu Nov 29 23:52:49 2001 (#12555)

ok...i have a slight problem...did it 48 times, again...have a game tommorrow...short-sleeve shirt...lots of cuts...ahh i'm in a daze...just got done running 10 miles in attempts to "run" away from it if that makes an sense...and i don't know...my therapist told me to check myself into the safe program in chicago..and i might...ahh i need to go..bye

Re: me, myself, and i
Posted by kim on Fri Nov 30 00:25:11 2001 (#12557)

about checking yourself into that program...do whatever you think will help you the most...

HELP, plz!!
Posted by *me* on Fri Nov 30 00:43:57 2001 (#12561)

Everything is so friggin screwed up right now!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh.

Tomorrow is the year anniversary of my best friend's father's death. This girl has been one of my closest friends for almost 6 years. And I don't know how to deal with this. Last year, it was like I was dealing with MY father's death through HER father's. I never got to know my father, much less say goodbye. In a weird, sick way I am soooooooo jealous of her that she got to know her father. She has memories. I hate the fact that my father died when I was a baby. It's not fair. I know, lots of things aren't fair. But someone should at least have one memory of their father. And anyways, tomorrow is the year anniversary, and it brings memories flooding back, and I don't know what to do for my friend. Isn't that pathetic? It's pathetic.

And 3 years ago, one of my friends was anorexic. She got help, and she gained weight, and she's been absolutely fine (we got her help early and she had a quick recovery). Well, last summer we kinda got in a fight bc she was falling for this WAY older guy who was using her trying to get sex, and I told her my feelings about that. And she got mad, and we really haven't talked that much since July. She apologized for hurtful things she said, but the friendship isn't the same. Well, now she is starting to not eat again. And she is on the swim team that practices like 7 hours a day (NOT exaggerating). And I'm scared for her. But what can I do? I don't know what is going on and she won't talk to me, and I can't make an effort to do something bc 1-we're NOT close nemore and 2-I have loads of crap I'm trying to deal with myself. And maybe that sounds selfish but I don't know if nething is even going on w/ her, and I'm really battling some crap right now.

So...yeah...sorry this is really long. I'm really feeling crappy and everything. Any advice?

Re: HELP, plz!!
Posted by sara on Fri Nov 30 02:57:18 2001 (#12565)

i don't really know what to say except don't give up. email me if you want...fluteme@myownemail.com

sara

Re: HELP, plz!!
Posted by jes on Fri Nov 30 15:27:50 2001 (#12576)

hey, i don't know if thre's anything much you can do if she won't speak to you. so if that is the case then just watch her froma distance and basically keep an eye on her so if things do get bad, then you can be there for her or get her help or something. xxx

leaving
Posted by mego on Fri Nov 30 04:40:30 2001 (#12566)

all i think about now is that i can move out in three years. then i wont have to put up with any of this shit anymore. my mom just kicked my friends out of my house cause shes drunk again. i was sitting on my front porch with them. it was freezing and it just rained and i didnt have any shoes on so she decides to lock me out of the house. i had to walk to the backdoor through all these puddles and shit and pound on it until i woke my dad up and he let me in. now she's in the living room crying and drinking some more like i did something to her. the only reason she made everyone leave was cause we were being too loud. i wasnt fighting with her, we werent even around here. i cant talk to them about anything thats going on in my life. i cant even tell my dad about how my day was without him yelling at me. my mom just says its life, i'm fifteen, its normal and to get over it. i just want to call tim right now and have him pick me up but that would just get me in more shit with everyone. my friends parents told her that if i needed to i could live with them (they already have their neice, who's sixteen and a grandma living with them). the problem is that if i leave for a couple weeks or even a few days, my mom wont let me come back. i love her so much when she's not drinking, she is so important to me. ive told her this so many times, but it just leads to more fights (like she wouldnt drink if it werent for me, sometimes she even says that she hardly ever drinks). STUPID BITCH, GOD!! if i had a gun right now i'd shoot someone. it sounds insane but i'm so serious. i want to kick the shit outta someone, nobody in particular, i just need to break something or, god, i dont know. what if i walked out the door right now? if i just left. i wonder if she'd stop me. not that i'd do it, she'd probably call the police, crazy bitch. goddamn! why does everything get fucked up like this? she's driving me crazy. i cut last night, i'm going to cut more tonight. i wont be able to sleep otherwise, i know it. shit. i'm gonna go now so i can do that, i'm really tiered and i need to get some sleep.

Re: leaving
Posted by jes on Fri Nov 30 15:31:36 2001 (#12577)

oh hun, i don't knw what to say, hang in there. xxx

up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s ... on Fri Nov 30 05:29:13 2001 (#12568)

ggrrr I feel like complete shit again... and again for no reason, I dont know why :( Im the only one up as usual at this hour.. it is 4:30 am here.. I have not yet been to bed.. I cant sleep, Im sat here with a bottle of gin, drowning my sorrows, I have run out of cigerettes and I badly need one.. ggrrrr.. I am lonely and bored, I have nothing to do so I thought Id come and rant here.. sorry guys Love as always VäMpyRë§s xxxxx

Re: up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by tawnia on Fri Nov 30 07:48:53 2001 (#12569)

welcome to my world :c). i always sleep insane hours - actually, my sleep pattern is kinda ass backwards now, where i sleep during the day and am up all night. and yeah, i've drinking rum and smoking too much. i'm in a bad mood now, bordering b/w angry and sad, but definitely lonely. not really sure why, just a lot of things. i'm thinking about going out for a drive, coz i haven't drank too much. i dunno. so yeah, this is merely random rambling and nothing more. sorry bout that :c)

Like the stars above...'til I die

Re: up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by jes on Fri Nov 30 15:39:47 2001 (#12578)

hey, i know what you mean, i've had to resort to being stoned everynight just so i can get to sleep before about 3am so that i've ad so sleep before my dad wakes me up to tell me to stop being lazy. althought it's good now cos i'm on my own til christmas. woo-hoo. i think. this might sound wierd so just ignore me, but are you in the uk? don't know why i asked, just a thought i had.....nevermind. xxx

Re: up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by ...VäMpyRë§s ... on Fri Nov 30 18:14:24 2001 (#12579)

yeh Ive turned nocternal too.. I just woke up its 5:30 pm, I went to bed at 7am... Yes, jes I am in the uk... what about you?...(...VäMpyRë§s ...)

Re: up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:15:04 2001 (#12601)

hey, yup, me too, good ol' england! lol. xx

Re: up again.. late.. alone... depressed
Posted by Tara's Mom on Sat Dec 1 01:56:44 2001 (#12591)

Don't be sorry, that's what we're here for. You just rant and rave all you want too, then come on here and we'll all pull you up and make you laugh, hopefully. Take care. Love, Rhonda

Re: Tara's Mom's post
Posted by tawnia on Sat Dec 1 07:12:54 2001 (#12599)

Rhonda,

I just wanted to let you know how great I think it is that you come here and post. I haven't been here very long, and I've never responded to one of your messages before, but I felt a need to this time. I think it's wonderful that this board has a mother like (well, an actual mother :c), but mother-like for everyone else) figure who is understanding and supportive of the struggles of self-injury. I've read a lot of posts from people that refer to problems with parents that sometimes result in cutting, or just how parents treat them b/c of it and their depression. I'm not going to lie; for the most part, I'm lucky when it comes to my parents. My Dad, although he doesn't understand the depression (he thinks it's mostly in my head, and just a matter of getting up and doing stuff) is still there for me in a lot of ways. My Mom is pretty good about my depression, which I'm extremely thankful for since I live with her. I actually showed her some of the things I've done to myself for the first time a few days ago. Needless to say, she wasn't happy about it and was extremely concerned, but she didn't freak on me. (My problems come from other things - not my home life, for the most part). I've actually talked to a couple of people in the past few days about my recent cuttings. I showed my cousin Kim, who is more like a sister and a best friend to me, and she FREAKED. I had to chase her into the kitchen b/c she was going for a knife. In her defence, b/c she's not like that, she wasn't going to do it just b/c I do. As she was holding the knife to her arm, and I was begging her not to do it, she kept asking me "Why not? If it's okay for you, why not for me? I've got a lot of shit in my life too (which she does), so why not?". And as I was going through all the reasons why she can't do it, she turned it all on me and asked why these reasons don't apply to me. I eventually got her to put the knife down, and we talked for a long time. I don't know; it was okay. Sorry :c). Kinda went into a ramble there, but I just really wanted to thank you for posting and for being so wonderful and supportive. I can say with absolute certainty that I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I just wanted to come out and actually tell you that you're really appreciated *massive hugs* :c).

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

Re: Tara's Mom's post
Posted by kim on Sat Dec 1 17:35:00 2001 (#12612)

i totally argree...rhonda you truely are a great person...a lot of people that do not cut dont understand and refuse to try and understand...thank you for understanding us all

I laughed when I cut
Posted by Alana on Fri Nov 30 20:52:10 2001 (#12582)

I wasn't really all too depressed these past few days, just really out of it. I felt numb and became frustrated with myself for not being able to cry when I needed to. So...while I was washing up for bed early this morning (2am or so) I just got this humourous urge to cut myself. I wasn't angry when preparing the razor, I wasn't crying preparing the razor, I wasn't shaking preparing the razor. I was content with what was happening. I pushed the razor down as hard as I could into the inside of my forearm and dragged the blade across. Well, fuck, I didn't feel a fuckin thinking. As I lifted the razor after I cut and laughed when I saw what I had done to my arm. The cut was open about 1/2 inch and you could just see fat and muscle underneath. The first few seconds were so exhilirating because the blood hadn't begun to flow yet....then the blood wouldn't stop. And neither did I, I made 4 more of the same cuts up my arm, and 3 diagonal cuts as well. I didn't feel an ounce of pain the whole time...just laughing.

Has anyone else had a laughing experience with cutting? I feel like such an ass for finding humour in it! Damnit.

"I'm afraid to come back home, afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone, I just wanna come back home." - Staind

Re: I laughed when I cut
Posted by Nuni on Fri Nov 30 21:53:56 2001 (#12584)

Alana, I dont believe I have ever replied to one of your posts or that you would want me to. BUT... I dont think you are one bit of an ASS for laughing. You mentioned feeling NUMB. You cut and you accomplished to feel HUMOR. Taking away the numbness. I find it excilirating and later it soothes me, much later I just feel guilt for giving in. Anyhow, there is nothing wrong with laughing, at least you are expressing an emotion it beats not feeling anything at all. I am not encouraging to cut to get your kicks. But I think we have all felt that way one time or another. looking to feel at least something to prove we do in fact EXIST! Hugs to you!! Nuni

Re: I laughed when I cut
Posted by Melz on Fri Nov 30 23:53:42 2001 (#12588)

I never laughed while i cut, but i do get numb more often now

Re: I laughed when I cut
Posted by tawnia on Sat Dec 1 07:20:31 2001 (#12600)

I've never personally laughed WHILE cutting (although I don't think the fact that you did makes you an ass AT ALL), but I can definitely relate to cutting for no real at all, and the struggles of trying to cry. I don't know what it is, but I find myself laughing when I tell people about it. It's not b/c I feel good about it, or am bragging or whatever; I think it may be nerves or something, but it makes me laugh. That, and telling people it's not a big deal (when it probably actually is, but anyhoos...). Don't feel like an ass; at least you laughed :c).

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

ALANA
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 5 06:15:45 2001 (#12727)

the first time i cut that deep i was shocked, it was like not real when i was looking at it and it wasnt bleedin yet and i couldnt feel it so i was like, hah, woah, what the f*ck? i was like this is so wierd. and then when it started to bleed it was so gross i threw up all over the floor.

re: i laughed when i cut
Posted by robyn on Sat Dec 8 17:52:28 2001 (#12788)

Please don't feel bad about it... sometimes we just have so much built up inside that we dont' kno wat we're feelin... and u felt numb and u cut sometimes u'll cry and shake it reallie just depends... if u kno wat's wrong u then might cry or shake but i think that in ur case u just had a lot of shit built up and u didn't kno wat to do and u cut there's nothing wrong wit that... AIM me at Ozzyboy102... love ya and i'll pray for u!

love always and forever Robyn

Re: I laughed when I cut
Posted by mego on Tue Dec 11 04:50:33 2001 (#12836)

yeah dude, its crazy cause its scary but it makes everything around you seem somehow less real, like its a joke or a bad dream and everything will be over soon

is anyone else like this...
Posted by diana on Fri Nov 30 22:10:58 2001 (#12585)

i've realized that when i have a cig. i feel better n i don't feel the urge to cut. i deffenatly don't look like the type to smoke, but then again no one notices that i cut either. so i was wondering if anyone was like this...or am i the only one?

Re: is anyone else like this...
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:21:06 2001 (#12602)

hey, yeah i get that sometimes. if i just really cane it then i get a big nicotine rush so i just go lie down and sometimes, if i'm lucky, it passes. if that doesn't work tho', i get stoned, that helps, and i can sleep, so it's all good. xxx

Someone who knows...
Posted by Sarah on Fri Nov 30 23:17:04 2001 (#12587)

Hey everyone! I cut... well, I used to cut. I've sort of been trying to stop. But its hard. I know how ya'll feel and stuff. In order to sort of "dedicate" everything i have into trying to stop, i made a site... sort of a reason to stop. Its hard to explain, but its about self mutilation and I think its pretty helpful. if you want, you can check it out. The addy is: http://selfmutilation.cjb.net Good luck u guys!!!!!!!! ~Sarah~

www.psyke.org
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 1 01:53:57 2001 (#12590)

Hey guys! Why are you not using the other site. I keep going there to see if anyone is in the chat room but no one comes. Why not?

Re: www.psyke.org
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:23:54 2001 (#12603)

maybe not everyone read the post about it??

Re: www.psyke.org
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 1 16:19:14 2001 (#12608)

That's exactly what I am afraid of!

Re: www.psyke.org
Posted by Morten Wulff on Sun Dec 2 10:11:12 2001 (#12632)

...hmmm.... that might be the problem. but the question is: how do we get people to use the new site?

i have thought about redirecting all traffic automatically, but i don't think that is a good idea - at least not until the message archives are up at psyke.org (which, by the way, is going to happen Real Soon Now (TM) ;-) )

/wulff

Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by RealityBandage on Sat Dec 1 01:58:52 2001 (#12592)

Does anyone else here do drugs besides me??

Re: Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by Alana on Sat Dec 1 06:44:23 2001 (#12597)

You aren't the only one! What drugs are you into?

Alana

Re: Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:26:40 2001 (#12604)

oh yes! lol. i am stoned as much as financially possible! mostly to get some rest and to calm down, but i like being happy n high too! oh, n sometimes when i go out i have some base, so , no, ur not alone. :-) xx

Re: Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by RealityBandage on Sat Dec 1 16:32:27 2001 (#12609)

Chronic whenever i can get it. I'm not that into weed...I wanna try hard stuff though :)

Re: Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by kim on Sat Dec 1 17:43:00 2001 (#12613)

i used to be really into drugs...i would try anything...weed, acid...angel dust whatever...i would do anything, anywhere, anytime...this got me into these cold pill things that i got addicted to and crap...and it just turned out really bad...i had a lot of bad things happen to me while high and whatever...the only thing i do now is drink...i gave up everything...doing so many drugs in the long run it made me 100 times worse with cutting, and depression....weed makes depression worse...it fucks woth your emotions and mental stability...

Re: Um...hey, got a question.
Posted by Alana on Sat Dec 1 20:57:07 2001 (#12618)

Lets recap Alana's past drug use...and present.

Weed - everyday use Chronic - few times a month Crack - 1 time and 1 time only...stupid clowns were chasing me Ketamine - using tonight Ecstacy - every other weekend pretty much Shrooms - a couple times a month Acid - 2 times only! AHHH! Speed - addictted to the shit 2 years ago Hash - if it's around, I'll smoke it

sometimes i think my mother WANTS me to hate her
Posted by *me* on Sat Dec 1 01:59:43 2001 (#12593)

Someone explain to me WHY I let her get to me. I shouldn't. Deep in my heart I know I shouldn't care at all. But the fact is that when she says things, I let them get to me. I don't get her at all. She goes and says she loves me, but for the majority of life she treats me so meanly. I know I'm like her only close family, but God, she's MY only close family, and I don't go around calling HER an asshole bitch. If I said something like that...I can't even IMAGINE what she'd do to me. So why then is it ok for her to say that to me? I'm so friggin sick of being bossed around by her: "You better do this or..." "You have to do this because it's my house." "It's not your room, I own this house." "If you don't like my rules find another place to live." I understand parents have to have rules, and in comparison to SOME ppl I have more freedom, but a lot of what she tells me to do and critiques me on is ridiculous stuff. I find it to be an unfair expectation of me to get A+'s in all of my classes when I'm in all honors. I find it to be an unfair expectation for her to scream and yell and threaten and call me names EVERY day, but if I so much as say, "Stop it!" I get in even worse trouble. I'm not a bad kid. I get straight A's, I have good friends, I don't smoke or drink or do drugs or have sex or any of that stuff that a typical parent would disapprove of. But if I forget to do the laundry, or maybe *gasp* get an A- on my midterm, it's like I should die. I HATE IT!!!! It makes me want to just go away and never come back. WHY do I let it GET to me though!!! I shouldn't. You would think after living my life w/ it I could just tune it out. But I let it get to me. And it hurts.

Re: sometimes i think my mother WANTS me to hate h
Posted by Erin on Sat Dec 1 02:03:51 2001 (#12594)

my mom is the exact same way. she always gets to me really bad and treats me like that too. i hate it. I dont know why we let it get to us. I think it might be because she filled my head with all this shit that i'm worthless and everyone hates me and i'm stupid and everything else. i dunno really. just thought i'd share

Re: sometimes i think my mother WANTS me to hate h
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:38:00 2001 (#12605)

hey, i get the same from my dad. it's like, this is wrong, that's wrong you do everthing wrong, you don't do anything. and then when i rtold him i was going to do this college course, he just said, 'oh, good' i'mean, that's what he wanted, he was the one one my back. but still...... take care, love xxx

Re: sometimes i think my mother WANTS me to hate h
Posted by Tara's Mom on Sat Dec 1 19:34:06 2001 (#12616)

Hey girl, I think one reason it gets to you is because you love her even though you hate her. Does that make sense? As far as her saying stuff like that to you, it's really not okay, but she's an adult and you can't stop her. Some parents will never change. They expect so much of their kids that it gets hard sometimes. That's why we always told our girls that as long as they did the best they could, that's what would count. Shoot, Tara droped out of high school, which I DID NOT like, but she is working full time and working on getting her GED. School is just really hard for her, more so than her sister. All I want out of life for my kids is to know they are happy. Don't get me wrong, there were times I had to leave the house when Tara and I would get into it, but I never said things I couldn't take back cause I didn't want that hanging over my head for the rest of my life. I know you probably love your mom and she probably loves you, but she may have things going on in her life that cause her to act that way towards you; and it may not even have anything to do with you. But then again, I don't know your mom, so I really can't say how she feels. All I can tell you is to do the best YOU can and try not to let it get to you real bad. It may take a lot of effort, but maybe you'll get some peace soon. If you ever want to talk or just rant and rave for a while, I'm here if you want to email me. Take care of yourself. Love, Rhonda

shoot you guys.......
Posted by *me* on Sat Dec 1 02:04:41 2001 (#12595)

Stupid parental controls have me blocked from a lot of crap, and the new website I'm blocked from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this board gonna be deleted and just the new site be used?

Omg...I don't know what I will do w/o this board..I need it...omg...plz tell me we will still use this board!

Re: shoot you guys.......
Posted by chris on Sat Dec 1 06:36:15 2001 (#12596)

oh, the irony. could you talk to whoever controls the parental controls (your parents, maybe) and get them to undo it?

Re: shoot you guys.......
Posted by Erin on Sat Dec 1 15:47:45 2001 (#12607)

parental controls have me blocked from that other site too. grrrrrrr

Re: shoot you guys.......
Posted by jue on Sat Dec 1 21:42:19 2001 (#12622)

oh no that's awful...i really hope that can be changed that really really sucks. hopefully something can be worked out.

Re: shoot you guys.......
Posted by Morten Wulff on Sun Dec 2 10:17:59 2001 (#12633)

to be honest, i never thought that psyke.org would end up on anyone's access-control lists.

do you know what access control software is installed on the computer you're using? if the site is on the software manufacturers black list, i'll do my best to remedy the situation. please email me at: wulff@psyke.org or wulff@ratatosk.net

i got email from a few people who're in the same situation as you. naturally, i won't take down this board when there are still people using it!

/wulff

It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Alana on Sat Dec 1 07:00:45 2001 (#12598)

Alright, I've had enough of people putting me down and hating me on this board. So I'm giving you all the chance of listing everything that bugs you about me, and what you hate etc...any old grudges you still have, and things you wanted to say....do so now.

I need to know, and you need to let me know. Thanks.

Alana

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by KAT on Sat Dec 1 17:14:55 2001 (#12610)

I guess I dont know to much about this board anymore cuz Alana I dont know anyone who hates anyone else from the board Im sure Im wrong, but nothing about you is that terrible to were someone would hate you. we are all basically on the same path of destruction.. ya know! hang in there... quit puttin' yourself down like this. It doesnt matter what other people think if its negative shit ya know you can be sweet..Ive seen it!
:) much love -KAT

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by hughey on Sat Dec 1 18:45:00 2001 (#12614)

Alana, i havent been on this board very long, but when i scroll through i always stop at you. you seem to be open and honest with alot to say. i respect that about you.you have helped me out as have everyone that posts here i am so thankful for this site and for you and your contributions.i know everyone that comes here is in pain sometimes the pain gets redirected,because we are the only ones that understand each other. hang in there please love hughey

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by kim on Sat Dec 1 21:21:35 2001 (#12619)

i have nothing agaist you....and from what i know, no one else does...your a great help...think happy thoughts!

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by jue on Sat Dec 1 21:31:07 2001 (#12620)

alana...i don't think you should worry. things have happened, people have been angry but it was never your fault and it is definitely not b/c of something you have done or said. i don't think anyone has a right to be mad at you, in my mind there is nothing you have done that gives anyone reason to have something against you. i am thinking back to when you and suzie had that fight along time ago and all i can think of is that it is impossible to have a one sided fight. i don't think that it is anything about you. it is your honesty that i value and that is what is important. if people can not let go of things they need to take a hard look at themselves. anyways that is my thoughts. take care...julie

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by . . on Sun Dec 2 19:01:41 2001 (#12636)

she doesnt help! shes always grabbing attention, get over yourself alana

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Alana on Sun Dec 2 21:00:38 2001 (#12642)

Thank you.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by *no name* on Sun Dec 2 21:06:10 2001 (#12644)

Alana....you only accept the negative things that are brought forth to you.

If it makes you feel better then go right ahead..but realize you are only hurting yourself.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by kim on Sun Dec 2 23:03:42 2001 (#12649)

i have nothing agaist anyone here. but to the people that are mad at alana or whatever...i mean she is just saying how she feels...give her a break, why cant...oh grr nevermind i dont want to start anything

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Alana on Mon Dec 3 00:49:06 2001 (#12651)

What are you talking about? I asked anyone if they had a problem with me so that we could sort it out, and so I could understand what it was I did to them....but the only people who have bad things to say about me don't acknowledge who they are....so how am I suppose to resolve anything?

I'm trying to accept everything people think about me....positive and negative. I'm trying.

Alana

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Nuni & Maggie on Mon Dec 3 22:49:35 2001 (#12666)

We think you need a HUGE hug. Besides, maybe nobody really has a problem with you. Why do you want others to dislike you? By asking open ended questions like that.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Alana on Tue Dec 4 00:56:53 2001 (#12675)

I don't want people to dislike me, I just wonder why they do, thats all....

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Nuni & Maggie on Tue Dec 4 04:07:10 2001 (#12684)

By asking for a little honesty there is an implication that people dont like you and have something negative about you.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Nuni & Maggie on Tue Dec 4 04:07:39 2001 (#12685)

By asking for a little honesty there is an implication that people dont like you and have something negative to say or think about you.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by Alana on Wed Dec 5 04:56:40 2001 (#12723)

and I didn't know that already? Uhh yes.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by *no name* on Wed Dec 5 05:03:04 2001 (#12724)

see Alana I dunno hun, I'm no rocket scientist or anything but it seems to me that you have many problems with yourself that need to be worked out first before you start reconciling with people from this board

Be careful, words hurt.

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by kim on Wed Dec 5 05:18:30 2001 (#12726)

ppplllleeeaaassseee dont start fighting everyone...i am dealing with enough of that now, i dont want it to start on here again

Re: It's time for a little honesty!
Posted by * no name* on Thu Dec 6 02:28:43 2001 (#12743)

sometimes we mis-interprut disagreements and differences of opinions as fighting, but I dont see it that way.
:) take care

read me!
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 5 06:18:38 2001 (#12728)

i love you hun. you come across strong. people learn to love you tho!

off subject
Posted by jes on Sat Dec 1 13:50:31 2001 (#12606)

grr, i am sooo pissed off. i smoke, right, no big deal, i don't smoke much, and i don't have a smokers cough. but i do have a cold. i feel like shit and i just want to curl up in bed. but every sinlge member of my family has said, 'ooh, that's a smokers cough that is' i'm like, 'no, it's not i have a cold, i don't feel well' they don't fucking believe me. i want to scream. why is it always expecting the worst?? ok, gotta go. take care. xx

Re: off subject
Posted by KAT on Sat Dec 1 17:17:20 2001 (#12611)

feel better soon. I believe ya
:)

Re: off subject
Posted by diana on Sat Dec 1 19:20:47 2001 (#12615)

yeah my parents believe that im a smoker too.. which is true lol, but i tell them i don't. but they always hafta keep askin n bringing up shit bout smoking.

Re: off subject
Posted by Tara's Mom on Sat Dec 1 19:39:45 2001 (#12617)

Hang in there Jes and get better soon. Just don't pay any attention to them, if you can. Take care. Love, Rhonda

READ this it is a bonus!!!!
Posted by jue on Sat Dec 1 21:37:54 2001 (#12621)

okay so has everyone been to the new site at www.psyke.org ? i think it is really cool and i like how it has a chat room. okay but here is what i like best. the one thing i didn't like about this site was the huge green SELF INJURY at the top. well the new one doesn't have that. which i think is super cool. and i hope that everyone goes there b/c it is can still be the same place as this as long as the people are the same. i have only seen a couple people there too. anyway.check it out if you haven't. sorry i haven't been here too much lately. take care everybody. julie

Re: READ this it is a bonus!!!!
Posted by *me* on Sat Dec 1 21:59:20 2001 (#12623)

I hate the big green SELF INJURY toooooo!! I can't believe I'm blocked from the new one! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Does ne one know if this board is being deleted???? Plz tell me it's not!!!!!

DANG!
Posted by *me* on Sat Dec 1 22:02:41 2001 (#12624)

I just reread the post about the new forum! This is being taken down in two weeks....shoot! K, now I'm feeling really low and a tad scared...dunno what I'll do w/o this board!

Re: DANG!
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 1 22:08:24 2001 (#12625)

Why are you blocked from the new board? Are you sure of that? Write Morten Wulff and see if he will change your status.

Re: DANG!
Posted by Erin on Sun Dec 2 02:10:00 2001 (#12628)

fuck that sucks...

Re: READ this it is a bonus!!!!
Posted by Morten Wulff on Sun Dec 2 10:24:13 2001 (#12634)

first of all: this board is not being deleted if people have problems getting to the new on (i.e. being blocked by various forms of access control software).

we still have a few different options:

1) i'm going to find out if psyke.org has been blacklisted by the access control software companies. if this is the case, i'll do my best to get us of the black list.

2) moving all primary traffic to psyke.org, but keeping the selfinjury board live at ratatosk.net (but giving the software a much needed upgrade...)

if anyone has any ideas, please let me know...

/wulff

all my fault
Posted by kim on Sun Dec 2 01:02:37 2001 (#12626)

im in total shock...one of my best friends just told me she cut herself today...i asked her why, with what, and how deep. she said her step mom, safety pin, not that deep. this is all my fault. she said she did it before but her sister found out so she stoped. i dont know if she is saying thins to make me feel better or if it is true. she has a really hard life...harder then most people. if i was her i dont know what i would do. nothing bad happens to her or anything its just stuff between her parents. her mom died awhile ago. and her step mom is the reason her parents broke up. i mean i just feel that if she didnt know that i cut she would not do it. it is all my fault. she has yelled at me so many times for what i do to myself. i wasnt aloud to cut till tomorrow cuz of this "plan" i am on but i cut today anyway. i was crying histerrically when she told me i couldnt stop i needed to calm myself down. it woked i am fine now. i have been needing to cry for so long. and i couldnt and now that i can it feels great to get it all out. i dont know what to tell her, i have never been on this side of the fence, how can i tell her she needs to stop and needs help...when i refuse to get help and i cut almost everyday. she keeps telling me she is sorry. i understand but i really just dont know what to tell her...blah...i give up

Re: all my fault
Posted by Silver Wolf on Sun Dec 2 08:44:57 2001 (#12630)

hey its not your fault ... you can't blame yourself for what other ppl are going thru !! maybe she knows that it is ok to tell you whats going on ...maybe she feels safe ...all you can do is not balme yourself and just try to help her and yourself thru it ..maybe togeather you can make it thru this !!! merry part bright blessings

Re: all my fault
Posted by Tara's Mom on Mon Dec 3 01:22:45 2001 (#12655)

Silver Wolf is right. She made her own decision on cutting herself. Please don't take it personally. Just be there for her and support her in her own problems. That is one of the best things you can do. Take care. Love, Rhonda

people who can't get to psyke.org
Posted by chris on Sun Dec 2 05:41:59 2001 (#12629)

i don't know why you can't get there, you say it's parental controls, or something? that strikes me as odd that they'd allow this one but not that one. webmaster might know why.

if it's something as simple as it beign on the psyke.org domain, i'm pretty sure i could host a mirror. i don't know, though, i assume it's hard to mirror web boards. i'd send email to the webmaster (who i presume is morten) and ask him.

now that i look, he seems to own the ratatosk domain, too.. maybe he could have the psyke board stay on this domain and only move everything else... or, if he hosts them both himself, he could put the perl files on ratatosk.net and mirror everything else on both (it's easy - link the directory on ratatosk's server to a virtual directory on psyke.org)

actually, maybe i'll email him. never mind. i'm so insane, sometimes.

-chris

Re: people who can't get to psyke.org
Posted by jes on Sun Dec 2 19:18:14 2001 (#12638)

i'm gald someone knows about this kinda stuff. i got lost after the first apragraph! lol xx

Re: people who can't get to psyke.org
Posted by Emma on Tue Dec 4 10:56:45 2001 (#12692)

lol, me too hunney!! cant wait to see u tonight!yey! Love you Emm xxx

well.....
Posted by Sliver Wolf on Sun Dec 2 08:49:31 2001 (#12631)

well I fucked up!! I was doing sooo good not cutting...but then I had a set back ..ooo well better luck next time ...sometimes death does look good...maybe that would be the best way out.... well I'm outta here I hope you all make it ... Blessed Be Bright Blessings

SILVER WOLF
Posted by megz on Sun Dec 2 18:45:30 2001 (#12635)

I've yet again decided to stop cutting myself.The only diference is this time i'm gonna make it.I mite slip up a few times but i WILL remove this MONSTER.I know what you mean by death getting the EASY and the best way out.Sometimes it just seems totaly pointless to be alive.In my point of view:S.I all boils down to lack of self confidence.The amount of times i've prayed to god at night that i won't wake up in the morning is unknown.In the past i've taken 3 over doses on paracetamol-and yet through all the hassle i've had,all the stupid things i've done,i'm still here. I'm not expecting to be cured over night.No one can be cured from S.I that quickly.When i do get over this the best things will be being stronger,happier and having more confidence in myself as a human being.Silver wolf-i hope what i've wrote has some sort of good effect on you and any 1 else who reads it. megz PS-L.Y.M.G(let your monster go)KEEP THE STRENGTH WITHIN YOU!!!!STAY STRONG!!!!

Re: well.....
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 22:04:07 2001 (#12647)

well all mess up,I dont know how many times Ive started and stopped cutting hopefully it was the last last time. Ive been goin pretty good so far but you know things happen.... I dunno...I really wiah you the best of luck and take care keep trying youll be suprised what you can do
:) love KAT

fuck you all
Posted by VäMpyRë§s on Sun Dec 2 19:12:19 2001 (#12637)

your all so fucking annoying!!!

Re: fuck you all
Posted by jes on Sun Dec 2 19:20:21 2001 (#12639)

that's nice, how big is the bee in ur bonnet by the way??

we love you too honey!
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 20:56:51 2001 (#12640)

we love you too sweetheart hang in there.. those of us who hurt the most take it out on the world and ourselfs. -KAT

Re: we love you too honey!
Posted by RealityBandage on Mon Dec 3 00:53:05 2001 (#12652)

If people don't like a board, why do they have to leave something saying that? I mean, why don't you get mature and just say what you want to say or get the fuck out. Stop leaving this shit.

Re: we love you too honey!
Posted by KAT on Mon Dec 3 01:10:52 2001 (#12653)

are you talking to me? that is what I wanted to say to her(if it was even her) how rude of you(if you were talking to me)

Re: fuck you all
Posted by Alana on Sun Dec 2 20:57:27 2001 (#12641)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was funny.....

Re: fuck you all
Posted by kim on Sun Dec 2 23:09:16 2001 (#12650)

i dont think that was really her. once before someone used her name and said really aweful things. she usully is really sweet...so yeah i am pretty sure that she was not the one who posted that

IT WASNT ME
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Mon Dec 3 01:41:35 2001 (#12656)

Hey all.. its the origanal Vampyress No, that wasnt me that posted the pathetic messege.. Im using the other board now mainly.. LISTEN FUCKWIT WHO EVER THE FUCK YOU ARE GROW UP AND STOP CAUSING SHIT IF I DIDNT LIKE THE BOARD AND PEOPLE HERE I WOULDNT BOTHER POSTING TO SAY SO, ID GET THE FUCK OUT AND LEAVE THEM TO THEMSELVES... GO CRAWL AWAY AND CHOKE ON SOMETHING YOU PATHETIC LITTLE GGGRRRRR (sorry I had to rant at who ever it is... take care, love as always xxxx)

Someone might be fucking around w/ the Board-READ
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 21:02:23 2001 (#12643)

I dunno if vampyress really wrote that but I remember in the case of eddie wood someone took his name and posted some real offensive stuff he told us later it wasnt him, and I believe him. Now I dont know whats going on here, I mean shit this used to be my place of comfort my support my only reason to go on sometimes! But Im much better these days and so I dont post here as often as I used to ( I used to reply to every message) Ive been here a year now and Ive seen so many people come and go, and some of you people who I first met are still here and Im very grateful for that. It seems like this board has gotten very "Popular" over the past few months Ive never seen so much fighting here as I have aswell in the past few months but we all deal with things in our own ways I suppose. I just want you all to know that IF!!! someone is messing around with the board here is my true message to you all: I love you all very much I feel a connection to those of us out there in the world who"cut" or harm ourselfs to feel relief from the world. Please take care, and dont let some imposter get to you..take things slowly. dont rush your life, you'll realize its a wonderful thing. I know I have (well sort of). Please take care everyone. Love always -KAT PS. I did not put my e-mail for certain reasons but if you would like to instant message me my AIM name is PanterAMetalChik. love always-
:) hugs!

a fwd i got i wanted to share: plz read
Posted by *me* on Sun Dec 2 21:25:11 2001 (#12645)

> My Special List
:
: I have a list of folks I know...
: all written in a book,
: And every now and then..
: I go and take a look.
:
: That is when I realize
: these names ... they are a part,
: not of the book they're written in...
: but taken from the heart..
:
: For each Name stands for someone....
: who has crossed my path sometime,
: and in that meeting they have become....
: the reason and the rhyme.
:
: Although it sounds fantastic...
: for me to make this claim,
: I really am composed...
: of each remembered name.
:
: Although you're not aware...
: of any special link,
: just knowing you, has shaped my life...
: more than you could think.
:
: So please don't think my greeting...
: as just a mere routine,
: your name was not...
: forgotten in between.
:
: For when I send a greeting...
: that is addressed to you,
: it is because you're on the list....
: of folks I'm indebted to.
:
: So whether I have known you...
: for many days or few,
: in some ways you have a part,
: in shaping things I do.
:
: I am but a total...
: of many folks I've met,
: you are a friend I would prefer...
: never to forget.
:
: Thank you for being my friend!

re: new board
Posted by *me* on Sun Dec 2 21:27:30 2001 (#12646)

Ok, sometimes I'm blocked from home pages but not the actual site and/or message board. So, I was wondering, is pyske.org the HOME PAGE? If so, and there is a separate addy for the message board (like there is here), could someone post the MESSAGE BOARD addy? The message board is the essential thing for me. Thanks.

Re: re: new board
Posted by ~~~ / Butterfly on Sun Dec 2 22:30:08 2001 (#12648)

http://www.psyke.org/cgi-bin/f orum/selfinjury/index.pl

hope it works!

Butterfly

Re: re: new board
Posted by *me* on Mon Dec 3 21:57:17 2001 (#12663)

Thanks so much, it does work! :-)

It's funny
Posted by KAT on Mon Dec 3 01:12:04 2001 (#12654)

you try and help and you get shit on.

Re: It's funny
Posted by Mego on Tue Dec 4 03:32:45 2001 (#12679)

exactly. it pisses me off but i've gotten used to it. i sound so much like my mom that it really makes me mad for sayin it, but i guess its life. we have to deal with it. sucks, doesnt it?... peace. mego

smoking or cutting
Posted by Mego on Mon Dec 3 04:47:01 2001 (#12657)

i haven't cut since friday, its sunday now. i also started smoking again last night, saturday. i quit for two whole weeks, but when i smoke, i dont feel like i have to cut so much. i dont know what to do, cutting makes me feel better, cigarettes make me feel better. the difference is, people can know about me smoking and be cool with it, if they knew i cut, i would be a freak. i cut to keep me from feeling like i should kill myself, and i smoke, which is killing me. my asthma is getting worse, a result of smoking, but i'm always depressed, and cigarettes help relax me. so what should i do?? awww, man! this sucks.

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by tawnia on Mon Dec 3 08:26:03 2001 (#12658)

I'm sorry, but I don't have any idea of what you should do, since I'm doing the exact same thing. I'm 20 years old, and had my very first drag, EVER, of a cigarette about a month and a half ago; now I'm smoking about 1/2 a pack a day. And I find the same thing - the more I smoke, the less I cut, although neither one cancels out the other completely. I'm stupid for smoking, b/c my family has a psychotically high rate of cancer, on both sides, and I'm still doing it. I'm supposed to quit in 3 weeks (I made a deal with my best friend - I'd quit for her as part of her 'christmas present', but if I don't, she's going to tell her Mom that I'm smoking. The problem with that is that her Mom LOVES me, and she recently had a brain tumour and her family also has an EXTREMLELY high rate of cancer. She'll be soooo disappointed in me, and I'm going to be lectured, hardcore, but I still don't think I can give it up in 3 weeks. Sucks to be me). I'm sorry; I'm done ranting now. Hopefully someone can give us a suggestion as what to do though *hugs*

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by sarah on Mon Dec 3 17:07:30 2001 (#12659)

just recently ive been really wanting to start smoking too! ive never even tried cigs, but for some reason, when i am stressed, i really want to smoke. i havent yet, but i dunno if i will at some point. love 'n' hugs xxx

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by kika on Sun Dec 9 21:59:18 2001 (#12813)

hey i just want to talk to someone who cuts too , i find smoking quite good , even with the cancer thing ; blood IS like smoke in many ways , it looks good and calms you hehe . i used to have a friend who cut too but

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by Angela on Fri Dec 14 06:49:54 2001 (#12886)

I smoke.. I started about the smae time I started cutting. Smoking helps me too, its a calming thing. And I actually do enjoy smoking....

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by Riggy on Thu Dec 20 20:40:54 2001 (#12992)

Sarah... i can SOOO see where you're coming from. Me too. But i know that i couldn't stand smoking since my parents used to, so i've been thinking about drugs. Isn't that terrible? But i don't think that it's strange... we're just looking for other coping mechanisms, that's all.

Re: smoking or cutting
Posted by diana on Mon Dec 3 23:54:08 2001 (#12669)

i really don't know what to tell you either. im only 15 and i smoke constantly. my sister kinda got me addicted. i don't feel the need to cut n haven't in like a week cuz smoking gives me the same feeling. but smoking gives you the risk of death, but so does cutting b/c you may cut too deep. but who the hell am i to say this, cuz i do the same thing. lol

Long time no see!!
Posted by Jenny on Mon Dec 3 20:13:39 2001 (#12660)

Well..... I aint been ere 4 ages! Just seeing how everyone is getting on so.................. I start a new job on saturday, luvly ! slight snag I cant wear a jumper so my arms will show not very good. Ne way ill find a way hopefully Luv N hugz Jenny

Re: Long time no see!!
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 00:04:00 2001 (#12670)

good luck with your new job!!

Re: Long time no see!!
Posted by Tara's Mom on Tue Dec 4 00:33:27 2001 (#12673)

Good luck on your new job Jenny. And you're right about you arms showing, you'll figure something out. I believe in you. Take care. Love, Rhonda

she did it again
Posted by Mego on Mon Dec 3 22:27:31 2001 (#12665)

My friend, who i wrote about earler, the one who did x and all that shit with that kid sean, did coke on thursday. she is so stupid, i wrote a note to tim about it today, he will probably call me about it later. i really dont want to get her into trouble but that shits dangerous. she yelled at one of our friends for wanting to try it but as soon as she's around people she's trying to impress, shes up for anyting. was it right to tell him?

Re: she did it again
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 00:07:49 2001 (#12671)

it was right to tell him, and i am glad you do...you telling him could save her life

my bf read my diary
Posted by cindy on Mon Dec 3 23:01:20 2001 (#12667)

recently I decided to start keeping a diary to try and make sense of all the shit that goes on in there-some of it is really really personal. my bf told me today that last thursday he read it and it upset him and he doesn't kow whether he knows me any more or if he even wants to go out with me...apparently he thinks I'm totally fucked in the head and need professional help...but I just feel so betrayed and upset and basically like shit...all I want to do is start cutting my arms but I cant because if I do he says he'll cut himself twice as bad to try and deter me....this is all so fucked up and I have idea of what to do... cindy xox

Re: my bf read my diary
Posted by Danielle on Mon Dec 3 23:31:04 2001 (#12668)

hey u dont need someone whos not going to respect ur privacy, and if he makes u feel bad by saying he'll do it worse if u do it (my ex said that he'd hurt himself harder if i did it, since then he decided that 'we' should break up) all it makes u do is wanna cut as hard as u can. i cant believe someone ur supposed to trust would do something like that. u should think about why ur really with him, u cant trust him anymore can u... hope u work things out xxx

Re: my bf read my diary
Posted by Tara's Mom on Tue Dec 4 00:38:07 2001 (#12674)

Being in a relationship is about trust. If you can't trust him about something like this, what can you trust him on? Try talking to him and telling him how much that hurt and how you're lacking trust in him. Tell him like you wrote, that this helps you keep stuff straight. If that doesn't help him any, you may have to tell him bye. If I can help, please let me know, okay? Take care. Love, Rhonda

Re: my bf read my diary
Posted by Mego on Tue Dec 4 03:23:58 2001 (#12677)

if you cant trust him, the relationship is not worth it. he shouldn't have read it. i can kinda see where he's coming from, with cutting himself twice as bad and all that.i'm not saying that thats the solution, or that he is right, but i can see how he might think that it would help, guys sometimes have fucked up ways of showing they care, trust me, i know. talk to him about it, tell him that although he doesnt think he knows you, how can you really know him if you cant trust him enough to stay out of your personal business. it's not a one-sided thing. tell him that if he really cares about you he won't keep you from cutting yourself. tell him how it makes you feel and explain that cutting may be what keeps you from killing yourself or going completely crazy. just stay calm, make sure you get your point across clearly, and then, without inturrupting, let him tell you again what he thinks about your diary and what he thinks about what you have just told him. i know all of this is easier said than done, good luck. write to me if you need some more advise, although this might kinda suck... peace. mego

Re: my bf read my diary
Posted by star on Tue Dec 4 12:06:15 2001 (#12693)

When you write a diary you dont expect others to read it, he is trying to blame you but it is not your fault, he should have been able to not read your private thoughts etc if he cared as much as he did, and as for saying he would hurt himself more that is so unfair! you cannot hold yourself reesponsible for any of this darling he needs to grow up. Take care sweetie and if you need to ever talk message or email me please. Love Star (Amz ) xxxx

grr...i dont know
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 00:22:19 2001 (#12672)

okay well i posted earlier about how my friend started to cut...or as she says she has been for awhile. well i talked to her about it, and she said the only reason she yelled at me all those times was because she didnt want me to end up like her. so i asked her where are her scars and cuts? she said i have no scars i never did it deep enough and i just started up again. she said she has two cuts on her upper arm that she made with a safety pin...that is fucking nothing. i know she is lying to me. because when i have nothing to cut with and i just use a safety pin it still leaves a slight scar. why is she lying to me about this? she has no i dea what it is to deal with self injury she does not know the the feeling of feeling so out of control that all you want to do is drag a razor across you wrists...she has no idea she just wasnt to pretend she does. she is becoming part of the "trend cutters" i did not think that she was like this. not at all. i know she is lying about doing it. and what pisses me off is she said she doesnt want to see me end up like her...what the hell i have been dealing with si mt whole life. when i was 5 i would get in the shower and turn the water on as hot as i could till it was so hot it was cold and i would make myself stand there until i couldnt take it anymore. she has no idea what it is like and she never will. haha she doesnt want me to end up like her. god why are people so fake i thought she was the most down to earth person i looked up to her so much. she was my best friend. if only the rest of are group of friends knew what she was "doing" they would feel the same way as me. god this pisses me off so fucking much...what the hell is she talking about me ending up like her. she is not the one that has hundreds of scars all over her. sorry for being bitchy and writing so much...i'll go now

Re: grr...i dont know
Posted by kae on Tue Dec 4 03:11:17 2001 (#12676)

i cant believe she said all that....what a goddam loser. she obviously has no idea what si is really like, and she definitely doesnt respect your feelings. it sounds like she feels like she is missing out on something, like you've got one up on her for being an SI-er. it is sad and pathetic that shes trying to devalue your feelings like this.

i think you had better sit her and down and explain how serious your SI is. if she says she has no scars because she never did it deep enough, then obviously she was never serious about it. i think you should give her an eyeful of what you've done to yourself and then see what she says. she can hardly argue with that. explain that your SI is something you cannot control and it has been with you for most of your life. maybe then she'll get the message...

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: grr...i dont know
Posted by Mego on Tue Dec 4 03:31:02 2001 (#12678)

i have "friends" like this too, you said "trend cutters", which i have never heard, but which describes them perfectly like "i snapped a rubber band on my arm, i self-mutilate" or scratching at the top layer of skin on their wrists, then wearing short sleeves and big, gaudy band-aids to show it off. i hate it too, its so frustrating to have them tell you that they know what's going on with you when they really have no idea. i hate that more than anything in the world right now, thinking about it gives me a headache, especially because my best friend just started with all that shit. i act like i believe her, and i give her the attention she wants cause its not worth the fight. if i say shit to her, she will tell all of our other friends about her "mutilation" and about what a bitch i am and then they will hate me to any i wont have anyone. i dont know how to help you out here, but send me some mail or something, maybe if you're up to it we can try and figure out something together. good luck! peace. mego

Re: grr...i dont know
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 03:53:08 2001 (#12681)

i really dont get it...i feel as if she is mocking me...when she first told me i thought it was some sort of sick joke

Re: grr...i dont know
Posted by mego on Tue Dec 4 22:47:40 2001 (#12704)

i dont think shes mocking you,i just think she's trying to be "cool". fuck that shit. i'm so glad i dont care about what people think anymore... good luck. peace. mego

SARAH
Posted by Mego on Tue Dec 4 03:35:21 2001 (#12680)

sarah, i mean it. dont start. it really isnt worth it. the money, the trouble, i have been getting sicker more often since i started, been getting in trouble with my mom for it. seriously, dont start. it was probably the stupidest thing i have ever done, and i've done some pretty stupid shit in my life. please, it helps but only once your addicted. the first time you do it, you'll hate it. your friends wont give you any cause they will say youre a waste and that you dont smoke. i just had one of my guy friends write me a two-page long note on how stupid i am for it. i've been smoking for about a year and a half now is it is not worth it in any way. please dont. it would mean so much to me if you took my advise. please. i dont want to sound like a hypocrit or like i'm trying to be your mother or anything, and i dont want to be one of those people who thinks that they know everything but this is a big deal to me. send me some mail if you wanna talk about it or something, or if you want to ask any questions. it doesnt matter. peace. mego

trouble
Posted by mego on Tue Dec 4 03:54:28 2001 (#12682)

hey, i dont need any advise on this, i just need to get some shit off my chest. this guy i used to be friends with, steve, was arrested a couple of weeks ago for stealing a handgun from his girlfriends house. he is in some kinda jail right now. his mom went to see him on thanksgiving and when it was time to leave, security had to tear him off of her. he was crying and begging her to take him home. he has been arrested so many times, this was the worst though. he has a pre-trial on wed. and a real trial soon after that. if he's lucky, he'll be put under house arrest, chances are that he'll be sent to some kinda reform school. i feel so bad for his family, and for him and everything they're going through right now. he was always a trouble maker but he was really a good guy. if i was having a bad day, he could always come up with something to make me feel better. we were fighting with this kid, danny, over something stupid, i cant even remember what it was. danny was blind drunk and pulled out a knife and tryed to stab me. steve pushed him outta the way, busted a beer bottle, and asked danny what the fuck he was thinking. nothing much happened after that, danny is mad afraid of steve so he just went inside and threatened to call the police. haha, just like in the movies, right?? all i ended up with was a tear in my coat (but it was a new coat dammit!!). i doubt that anything serious would have happened if steve werent there. i know he couldnt have killed me,i wasnt drinking and i can run faster than him anyway, but i was caught off guard with it all. sometimes i wonder if i could have been really hurt cause we were the only people out there in the first place. god, that kid was great. i haven't talked to him in a while, not since the beginning of summer anyway. i keep wondering how he's doin, what its like for him. god, thats gotta suck... well, i just kinda needed to get that down, i dont know why but it was important to me. peace.

mego

I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by Maggie on Tue Dec 4 04:17:25 2001 (#12686)

For all you Americans, I love your country. I've been here 2 weeks already and right now I'm in San Diego with NUNI!!! We met on this board over a year ago, and it's so exciting to meet an SI friend out of cyberspace. She's even more awesome in real life too!!! That explains why you may find replies from the two of us.

Luv and hugs, Maggie.

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 04:26:09 2001 (#12688)

w0w...thats really neato :)

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 4 06:07:07 2001 (#12689)

wow thats koool!!

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by *me* on Wed Dec 5 01:28:05 2001 (#12707)

Haha I was wondering why u two were posting together! I'm glad ur having a good time, Maggie. Ya gotta let us know where else ur traveling here! :-)

Lots of love!

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by KAT on Wed Dec 5 02:05:54 2001 (#12711)

hey like I said on the other board.. thats pretty cool that you guys got to meet up I would love to have a friend here who understood what I was going through, but at the same time be careful meeting people from the internet! love KAT

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by mego on Wed Dec 5 04:33:14 2001 (#12719)

hey you guys! you're lucky to be together. welcome to goddamn america. haha, its a pretty alright country, a little crazy but its alright

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by Linda on Wed Dec 5 05:11:19 2001 (#12725)

(((((((((((((((Maggie))))))))) ))) I am so glad that you came!! You give Nuni a real big hug just for me!! OK!

Re: I've just met a Psyke member
Posted by Maggie on Wed Dec 5 08:25:16 2001 (#12730)

Hey guys, Yeah America is kinda crazy but I love it. I especially like the patriotism here, and the diversity of people. But the cheese tastes like plastic and drivers are mad.

So far I have visited LA, Boston, New Hampshire, New York, Conneticut and San Diego (where I am now) within 18 days. Hopefully I'll also go to Texas, San Francisco and Las Vegas before I go home at the end of February. How many of you eat those Smarties candy rolls... they are so delicious!!! Sugar happiness :)

I was really nervous about meeting Nuni, even though we have communicated so much over the last year or so that I felt like I knew her well. She's got a really cute accent and gives good hugs. It's good to know I have somebody right here that I can discuss SI stuff with.

Kat, I usually don't meet Internet people but I knew it was safe with Nuni. Thanks for the warning though :)

Linda, I did give her a huge hug from you.

Ok that's it. Luv Maggie.

innocence lost
Posted by mego on Tue Dec 4 04:25:03 2001 (#12687)

i sacrifice a little smile make myself seem happy for a while show what everyone wants to see the cheap fake body that is me. i put on an act under watchful eyes nobody has seen through my disguise. nobody knows about the razor blade that i keep safe in my pocket, tucked away for all the times that my best isn't enough or when everything just gets too rough nothing is as good to me as the blood that holds my sanity. scars like a web, streched over my skin from times that i couldn't hold this madness in these perfect marks are just flesh wounds when compared to the innocence i lost too soon

Re: innocence lost
Posted by jes on Tue Dec 4 13:09:39 2001 (#12695)

aww hunney, that's really good. sad, but really good, i wish i couldwrite like that. love jes xx

Re: innocence lost
Posted by *me* on Wed Dec 5 01:29:40 2001 (#12708)

I feel the same way. Thanks for sharing hun!

Re: innocence lost
Posted by Dawn on Sat Dec 8 06:00:36 2001 (#12784)

What a wonderful poem. I don't know that I ever had any innocence. Then for 4 years I saw a huge white as snow bear in a Hallmark store, but they wanted $25 for it and I was lucky to have enough money to buy toilet paper or dishsoap after paying bills... so I bought one one month and the other the next. Then I finally got on SSI, and got a lump sum for all the months it had taken to get my claim approved. Finally I bought my snow-white bear and named her Innocence and carried her everywhere I went and flooded her with tears until my tearducts emptied all my tears I'd stored up for years.

Do something, well I guess you did. you wrote a poem. Keep writing them. Write how you did not give up your innocence-- it was taken from you. And find something tangible to claim yourself innocence again.

Do you know that each new day is a NEW BEGINNING. Declare yourself innocent, live it, make banners, or get the words put on plain tshirts and wear them for all the world to see. And soon you will know innocence again. love ang hugs....Dawn

« Web Site Update -- Finally »
Posted by Unendingmisery on Tue Dec 4 07:00:39 2001 (#12690)

Ok, after months and months I've finally put some new pictures on my site. So if you're new here, be sure and stop by. It is very triggering so be warned.

www.darkhosts.com/iammi sery

--Jason

Re: « Web Site Update -- Finally »
Posted by star on Tue Dec 4 12:30:37 2001 (#12694)

I went on your site and i cannot express how i felt i feel for you so much yet i cannot s i have never felt this way i think you are very brave to try and put it all into words etc and i cant beleieve how long the site must have took, your body must be so scared i cannot even contimplate it and im not going to go a tirade of telling you to get help as you have not asked, i just wanted to say that if you do need to talk ever i would love you to feel you could talk to me, email or post as i check as much as poss, and please take care Star xxx

What?
Posted by Robyn on Tue Dec 4 07:07:55 2001 (#12691)

Please... i'm sick of the knifes and razorblades... wat else will cut and make a cut deep enough to bleed... i need to kno.... i'm dyin here no one gets it and i need to bleed watever i'm doing i must be doin it wrong cause i cut and cut and cut but it wont BLEED like i want it to and i press hard and drag slow and fast wat else can i do?!?!? email me at Ozzyboy102@aol.com b/c i'm not sure if i'll be able to check this site alot put in the subject line HELPING ok thanks bye

Robyn Girl

Re: What?
Posted by please on Sat Dec 8 20:18:18 2001 (#12790)

PLEASE i reallie need this i need u to answer this i'm checkin everyday and nothin so far please help me please

gonna c a head doctor.........
Posted by jes on Tue Dec 4 13:17:33 2001 (#12696)

ok, i'm off, i'll let u all know how it went. maybe i'll just sit here. maybe i don't have to go? no, i'm going. i'm not disappointing n e 1 else n e more. i'm gone, love xxxx

Re: gonna c a head doctor.........
Posted by Emm on Tue Dec 4 14:20:12 2001 (#12697)

Well done baby, i hope it goes well, i'll cu tonight anyway (cant wait!!) i love you emm xxx

Re: gonna c a head doctor.........
Posted by Nuni on Tue Dec 4 23:45:12 2001 (#12705)

Hi, How did your DR. appt go? I am so glad you are taking that next step. I hope it went well!! Hugs, Nuni

Re: gonna c a head doctor.........
Posted by Butterfly / ~~~ on Wed Dec 5 01:31:16 2001 (#12709)

I hope it all went well for you :) Keep us posted on what's happening.

love Butterfly.

Re: gonna c a head doctor.........
Posted by star on Wed Dec 5 11:32:36 2001 (#12731)

Hey baby glad that it went well, love you so much and yesterday rocked you are so amazing dont let anyone ever tell you differently. love you forever Amz xxx

wow! My Ruin lyrics....sorry!
Posted by Emm on Tue Dec 4 15:00:03 2001 (#12698)

This is a song by My Rin called Scars,i love it i really do. thought i'd share. emma x

Scars i have scars on my body // from using myself // abusing myself // in sickness and in health // i have bruises on my body // which go away with time but remain in my mind forever // as a constant reminder of the last man i loved // loathed // left // i have the word 'truth' on my arm // because there is no room for honesty when you're a liar // i have a tattoo on the back of my neck which i cannot see // but i can feel // but i can feel // but i can // i have a tattoo on my stomach which in italian means 'the sweet life' // i have the word 'love' in flames surrounded by stars on my right wrist // because these five fingers go straight into the soul of man // i have the word 'hate' on my left wrist because the left hand is the hand of hate // and it was with this hand that cain knifed his brother // i'm right handed // maybe that's my problem // my ruin

Re: wow! My Ruin lyrics....sorry!
Posted by star on Wed Dec 5 11:34:37 2001 (#12732)

WOW i love that!!! she is amazing and so are you love and kisses Amz xxx

hey
Posted by danielle1984@hotmail.com on Tue Dec 4 20:42:55 2001 (#12699)

is anyone else from the u.k?

Re: hey
Posted by Butterfly / ~~~ on Tue Dec 4 20:51:00 2001 (#12700)

Yeah, there are quite a few people from the UK including me.

Re: hey
Posted by Danielle on Tue Dec 4 20:55:01 2001 (#12701)

bit stupid of me assuming no one else was :-\

Re: hey
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Dec 4 21:08:03 2001 (#12702)

No it wasn't. There never used to be many people from the UK here, I used to think I was the only one.

Re: hey
Posted by Danielle on Tue Dec 4 21:54:42 2001 (#12703)

where abouts r u from?

Re: hey
Posted by Butterfly / ~~~ on Wed Dec 5 01:27:47 2001 (#12706)

If you want to know where people are from, read through this thread:

http://www.ratatosk.net /cgi-bin/webbbs/selfinjury/ind ex.pl?read=11233

I'm in there somewhere :)