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Threads 1851 to 1900

just 4 the record
Posted by SImon on Tue May 22 01:54:19 2001 (#7513)

There are in fact now two of us called simon on the board which could become a little confusing. im already confused enough with life so im going to start writing Si or SI instead of SImon. i'm not even sure if any of u (exept franny) remember me but im kind of ok. making my usual mistakes and stumbling through life. it has its challenges but on the whole im enjoying life. just finished my 1st year at university and it went so quick. hardly cut at all (little but at the begining) will try 2 keep all who want to read updated. feel free to mail me cos i would love to hear from a few of the old bunch (or any newbies who would like to talk - if u dont feel u know me well enough just imagine the most hyper-sensitive punk/metal guitarist with purple hair and a goatee) cya all, Si :)

Re: just 4 the record
Posted by LOST on Tue May 22 02:18:52 2001 (#7514)

i remember u. u were supposed to do a web page for us weren't u? like BACK in the days (if it wasn'tyou, my bad.. but i still remember u) and purple hair? goatee? heheh GOOD LORD thats sexy!!!!!!! woooohhoooooo anytime u need a girlfriend, u just give me a call. j/k but for reals, u can e-mail me or whatever if u want... peace outties

Re: just 4 the record
Posted by Tara on Tue May 22 19:46:48 2001 (#7521)

Hey man,

do you remember me????????i was the one that was so close to killing myself.i am a lot better now.i have not cut in 4 to 5 months.i am proud of myself for once in my life.i actually want to live to.if you don't know me then that cool.anyways,how have you been?what did you major in?i am glad that you have not cut in awhile.we should know that it takes a lot not to pick up a razor or what ever and cut.i am just glad that you are shaking the habbit.well,gotta jet.e-mail me if you have time.

LOVE YOUR FRIEND,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

again
Posted by pain on Tue May 22 06:48:08 2001 (#7516)

been crying for ages. Found out my girlfriend was intimate with a supposedly good friend. It's completely over. My mams sister is dying of cancer & it's ripping us apart - she'll be dead within the month we think.

Can someone give me a reason to go on other than duty? Feel so betrayed & desperate. I also love another but it can never happen. Fantastic. She's everything that I want, but she'll be in Japan for a year.

It's like I am magnetised to the most destructive people. To the 'another' if you read. I love you. I think we should make it work. I need youx

love david

xxxx

Re: again
Posted by anona1 on Tue May 22 12:39:31 2001 (#7519)

magnetised to the most destructive people? you meet them on SI boards

Re: again
Posted by Tara on Tue May 22 19:37:00 2001 (#7520)

David,

don't go.i have not seen you on this board since i have come back,but you might have read some of my posts.they are all the pain and hell that i have been through in the last 4 years.and about the girlfriend thing,i know how it feels to have your heart ripped from your chest.it happened to me about 3 years ago when i fell in love with this guy and he lived in texas.i thought everything was great,but as it turns out he was cheating on me all the time.that compeletly tore me apart.i could not believe it.also,this other person,you need to tell them how you feel,how do you know that it will not work out if you don't tell her how you feel?mabye she feels the same way about you.you never know until you tell that person.now i am not saying that you have to do this,it is just some advice for you from me.i am just telling you what i would do in your place.if it does not feel right,then don't do it.do what your heart tells you to.i know that it sounds really corny,but it is true.i did what my heart told me to do and,not to bum you out,now i am in the best relationship of my life.we are planning to get married.sorry if that bummed you out,i just had to tell you that so that you would know that the heart is right.well,i gotta go for now.if you want to talk more you can e-mail me or post a message to me.Please don't do anything and read some of me past posts.they might open your eyes just a little to my world of pain and horrer......

LOVE YOUR FRINED,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

Re: again
Posted by insignificant other on Tue May 22 20:43:20 2001 (#7522)

hey. first, i wanna say that i'm sorry bout ur aunt, i know how it feels to watch someone close to you slowly fade away. but i also wanna say that it is possible to get over it, no matter how close you are to someone, at least once they're gone you know they're not in pain anymore. i can't really say much on the girlfriend/good friend issue, cos that's a me kinda thing to do. it wouldn't be right for me to say anything, but have you spoken to them both about it, like separately, without accusing them of anything, i dunno, it might help! there are a load of reasons about why you should go on. firstly, even tho everything is shit at the moment, (or so it seems) things can get better, they always do. also think about this, has there ever been a day when you haven't actually ever smiled (and a day when you lock yourself in your room and refuse to play any active part in society DOESN'T count!!!) theres always gotta be something to keep you going, findf out what (or who) it is, and see/do more of that thing (person).

so, there it s, my words of wisdom (!)

ok, take care, keep strong, and remember, you have to keep going, you're all that you have!!!

David
Posted by another on Wed May 23 00:01:37 2001 (#7523)

Everything that you want? Still unsure about that. I love you and I need you too -more than you know. It just can't work right now - we both know that. My going to Japan really fucks things up & I'm sorry. As I said last night,if its meant to be, it will be & I'm willing to wait. I'll always be there for you, David. Love & cheese, B xxxxxxx

Re: again
Posted by apologies on Wed May 23 01:03:09 2001 (#7524)

ha - anona1 - very good point you have there!!Maybe that's the answer. Sorry if that really worried people,I was pissed again!! & had no intention of killing myself, just couldn't bear the pain. Sometimes you feel so crushed by everything around you. The one light you have has to shine in the opposite direction as well. In no position to involve myself with another right now anyway, not so soon.

However, I feel much better today. Are others like that as well? You're basically stable & then BANG! you wanna die.

Anyway, I'll try not to do that again. Have to concentrate on getting well again & talking weird to as many people as don't deserve it.

love

Jam is sticky

x

SoRRy!!
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Wed May 23 04:02:50 2001 (#7525)

Hey everyone, i am really sorry i haven't been answering anyones posts lately, i have been reading them, and i just wanna say, stay strong to the peple who are having difecult times. and stuff. yeah sorry, just been a rough couple of weeks ok no one else wil listen to me tlak so i'll just unload it all here, you dont have to read it all,

uhhGGG i hate posers, i hate people who come to me cause they know what i do, and try and talk to me like they know how i feel, maybe i am wrong but my friend ana had never touched a blade to her skin in her life, she just tells me like she does, for attention of somthing!! ok i told her that snapping a rubber band helped me with my compulise hair pulling, so she brought a rubber band one day, and snapped it like 3 times, and it got all red and puffy abd elft 3 red lines. OMG and everyone who would come up to us she would like sick out her wrist hopign they woudl notice, and it made me sooooooOOoo mad!! UHGG!! and then her and my other friend kelly, did this thing, where they took a pen and put a dotted line on their wirsts and wrote "Cut Here" under neith it, and kelly, she calls her self a cutter, but then she just trys to kill her self, by scrathing her wrists, and like then she tell me stuff like "i slit my wrists last night, but it didn't work i'm still alive, yeah i'm a cutter alright" rararar! and then theres whitney, i really belived that she knew what i was goign through, and what was going on in my head, she woudl cut all up and down her arm, and we would talk about it. but then she started to notice how much attention i got, since everyone knew. of corse i HATE the attention, evreyone always asking me, checking me, i HATE it, so whitney kinds let her arms "accidentally" show at school, and since she goes to a tiny school everyone knew within the hour. and she didn't have alot of friends. she kinda kept to herself, but she was loving havint the whole school come up to her and say "Aww whitney dont so that!!" and every day they all come up to her and are like "Aww how are you doign?!" and now she accidently read a note, that said everyone in the shcool was gona throe her a surprze party, cause she is haveing such a "hard time" UHHHGG and everyday she would just come home smiling, saying how everyone cares soo much, but she "wishes" no one knew, YEAH FUCKING RIGHT!! SHE FUCKING LOVES THIS!! then...this weekend, she cut really bad, she needed to ger 15 stitches, i wasn't there, but my other friends were there with her, and she put them throught SOO much, and she didn't even say sorry, everything had to be about her, me me me me me!! and todaya t school. everyone "accedidntly" found out, and she is smiling again, about how everyone cares soo much RAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! and i kinda go to people like this cause u am desperate to have somone who understands, yeah my friends are all tehre for me, but they dont understabnd!! i wish i just had somone, and i wish soo bad, that i convince myself that they understand when they dont, i know that doign it for attention is just as much SI as why i do it, but they dont understand what in mY head, uhg, sorry for going on, i just needed to gte that out, its been going around and around in my head. so sorry if you are reading this, i just needed to get that outa my head so maybe i could have a little peace, without this going over and over and over and over and over and over in my head. Uhhhhh i am done, sorry again, yes...so take care all ~shanna

Re: SoRRy!!
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Wed May 23 04:14:48 2001 (#7526)

omg i just re-read that, i sound soo bitchy!! somone please tell me! is it wrong that i feel this way? am i being mean, or slefish? and bitcty or somthing?! ahhhhh!

Re: SoRRy!!
Posted by Jue on Wed May 23 04:56:57 2001 (#7527)

Totally no. i just found out this friend of mine has attempted suicide twice. and so i felt all bad and wanted to help her. and then she shows up at school the next day wearing a tank top with a very mild scratch across her wrist. this made me feel angry. cheated and then selfish and guilty. anyhow this should be about you. one thing is i think that you should not worry about them just concentrate on yourself. that is what my therapist said to me. love julie e-mail me if you want.

Re: SoRRy!!
Posted by Maggie on Wed May 23 12:08:13 2001 (#7530)

You have every right to be mad about this. It seems like your friends are trivialising your problem. They probably care heaps about you, but wish that someone cared about them as much as they do for you. Maybe that's why they mimic you, for attention. But they really don't understand what it's like to be an SIer... That Whitney girl is really stuffed up!!!

Once when a group of my friends were at a beach house together, one of them cut his wrist while he was drunk just to be like me. So his girlfriend and him then cut their fingers to become 'blood brothers'.

I was soooo mad. They went around and boasted about it to everyone else, and the others thought they were psychos. None of the others knew what I do to myself... but it hurt that they were getting negative attention by copying me. GRRRR... nobody who is not an SIer can ever fully understand.

Head up though. We all empathise well. Maggie.

Re: SoRRy!!
Posted by elle on Thu May 24 17:25:39 2001 (#7549)

THAT MAKES ME SOOO MAD!!! arrgg...are they like totally nuts? nobody wants others to know about cutting.... at least i didnt...i hid it for 4 years....they day my parents found out was the worst day of my life...and i have gone through a lot of shit. i wish i could show those girls my arms and legs....maybe it would scare them into stopping...i am sooo cut up right now...my arms and legs are continually bleeding...it never stops. i faint all the time from loss of blood. i am just a solid red mess under my clothes....and although people know i cut, nobody knows how much i do...they would be horrified if they ever knew....i showed just a few small ones and they threatened to put me in the hospital. if they only knew! haha...my secret. i think on last count i had close to 800 open cuts...a LOT of which should get stiches. its gotten to the point i cant even use stri strips because my flesh just hangs like ribbons....no place to attach them. bye

Re: SoRRy!!
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Fri May 25 02:06:11 2001 (#7565)

Yeah god what stoopid girls, when they were writing "cut here" on their arms, i just simply pulled up my sleve and said "yeah thats lovly, i would join you, but, oh, theres no room, cause my arms are filled with real cuts" haha it was good~shanna

the sliver that sinks deeper and deeper
Posted by Jue on Wed May 23 05:19:43 2001 (#7528)

When the moon turns and the sun hides, where do we go? Which way do we turn???? Up? Down? around? sideways? straightahead? OR do we simply stand and stare in awe, not turning ,moving or doing a thing?????

Sometimes i just sit and stare, thoughts float around me, like cotton in the wind, like a paper bag that is repeatedly run over on the road, like the dead squirrel i saw this morning on my run. In the morning i wake up and things have changed yet they are so much the same. A new day, a fresh chance. will i ruin it like always???????

It is something there lying under the skin, in my stomach, nagging at the cords in my heart: telling me that i don't have enough scars, that i need to cut just a bit more, that i have to, that i need to. BUT i don't. no i really don't. i think i have enough scars.

Now is the time for me to look around myself and change. I was sexually abused when i was young and now i need to stop the self-abuse vicious circle. i do need to stop. i do have enough scars. i can get through this and i will feel better.

I needed to tell someone this, in case anyone cares. I know that we will triumph if we try, try, try. and i do know what it feels like to try, and fuck up, time and time again.

So here's to an extra effort of never ever ever ever ever giving up.

love julie

Hey Julie
Posted by elle on Sat May 26 06:39:13 2001 (#7593)

I really liked your post. i always have something there telling me i need more scars...more and more these days....there is so much i hide from the world that i cant put in words...and something in me tells me i need more deeper scars becuase everybody sees me getting better. i hate attention from people who feel sorry for me and want to help me snap out of depression. and i am still hurting. and my body is healing. if my mom or shrink find anymore cuts on me it is straight to the hospital for two weeks, so i cant even show my therapist. i want his help to get through life. i dont want to die. but i cant be honest with him so it is pointless. oh, ok, bye. love you hon!

i'm gone
Posted by LOST on Wed May 23 06:14:33 2001 (#7529)

i'm at that point again. i'm back to how i used to be when i was in and out of the hospitals. maybe this time i won't end up in a hospital. i don't understand whats going on with me. i'm psycho

Re: i'm gone
Posted by Drew on Wed May 23 19:04:50 2001 (#7531)

DOn't worry, I never understand whats going on. Just sit ther and watch the world move around you. It's only there for your own amussment, so fuck what the pupets think.

I probably sound like I'm high but I'm not.

thecutthatneverheals:)

Re: i'm gone
Posted by ? on Thu May 24 00:46:03 2001 (#7533)

oh lost please..... i will hope you wake up. any if my hope is strong enough you will. or you wont even do it. i love you girl. forever

Re: i'm gone
Posted by Tara on Tue May 29 01:35:26 2001 (#7664)

you are not psycho at all.trust me.we have all been to that point.especially me.there were times that i would feel that i could screw my own head off my sholders.nothing is wrong with you.i promise.it seems hard to believe that now.it took me a long time to believe.almost 3 years.well i have to go.if you want to talk e-mail me or just post.i am here for you no matter what.OK.

LOVE YOUR FRIEND,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

psychotic
Posted by ChrisE on Thu May 24 00:37:21 2001 (#7532)

I've had a good week so far . Yesterday, 3 things happened, any one shoulda made me feel great, and I did. So why is today so shit? Why do I think I should never have bothered gettin up? Why have I cut yet again and walked through town daring anyone to ask me why I'm bleeding? I even have something to look forward to, so why do I wanna be hurting? I think people notice, but maybe they don't. When i buy a drink, my note is stained red. They must see. So I look in their eyes and want them to ask. No-one has so far. So what's their fucking problem? What's mine? I'm sorry, I'm drunk and waiting for security to take me away.... but they don't even know I'm here. Back at work. Until now it's been private but I'm a chemist (not a fucking phamacist) ... if it was about death, I've got a million bottles here that would do it in an instant. I spend my life here, in my lab. It means nothing. I think maybe I should stop having good days. It makes the others worse. Jesus, I wish I could say something positive, help the people who have a genuine problem... I have to go now. I have to clean up my blood. This can't be a public thing. Whatever u feel, however low you go, just know that u are worth more than me. That's all I can offer you. Sorry there isn't more.

chris.

Re: psychotic
Posted by necrosis on Thu May 24 02:44:52 2001 (#7539)

know excatly how you feel. Get in touch - e-mailed you. Every cloud pisses on you, I mean - has a silver lining - whoops!!

stay strong xxxxx

Ok, i really need a parent's point of view here
Posted by *me* on Thu May 24 01:10:37 2001 (#7534)

Or anyone who has any advice, really. I've talked to Elle about this before but I feel like I need a parent's point of view to maybe give me some insight. I don't know if anyone read my post a while back about my mom finding out about my cutting. Well she saw them on my thighs bc I was wearing boxer shorts to bed and she asked me about them the next day over the phone. She knows they were self-inflicted. She said we'd "talk later about it". She has never brought it up again. It's bothering the heck outta me. Does she just not care at all??? I never wanted her to find out, but now that she did it makes me feel really...I don't know...really weird and crappy and worthless that she doesn't even care that I do. I don't know. Cuz it's not like I want her to know, I never ever wanted her to find out, and I was never going to tell, but I guess I thought if she found out she'd make a big deal out of it (which was something I was scared of). But she doesn't even care. Any parent's out there have any thoughts?? Any other ppl have insight?? I know someone (ChrisE I think?? Am I right??) said their parents ignored it too. I don't know. It's just been bothering me.

Lots of love

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Thu May 24 01:27:19 2001 (#7535)

My rents tottally ignored it, and acted like it was nothing, not that i wante them to think of it as a big thing, but i wanted to feel like they cared, and they were acting like they didn't, well as it turns out, my mom does care, she just didn't know hoe do deal with it, it took her months to talk to me about it, she just didn't know how, and my dad just doesn't care, yeah well, so maybe your mom DOES care. but she just doesn't know what to do, or she thinks its her fault or somthing..i dont know...but yeah take care ~shanna

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by ChrisE on Thu May 24 01:46:43 2001 (#7537)

Yeah, my parents ignored it. At the time, I was grateful, but then I decided that they didn't give a fuck. That hurt. Now, after a few years, I'm ok with them. They don't wanna talk about it, so I don't go there. It's always there in the background, I know they must "know", but it doesn't come up. It's up to you. If you're close to your parents, then maybe they can help you. Let them. Or you can go down my track, deny everything for a few years. Whatever u decide, do it while you still can. Give it a few years of pretending, then before you know it you're a perfect son/daughter with a great life...then it's fcked up. I don't wanna be a downer... if you're close to your parents, let them help you. You know they want to. It'll be hard for them to accept just as it'll be hard for you to tell them. But you don't wanna be me, lying all the time...

I hope that helped in some small way...

chris.

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by necrosis on Thu May 24 02:53:48 2001 (#7540)

If she didn't care she wouldn't have said 'we'll talk about it later' - I doubt anyway. Maybe she, like the others have said is hoping it'll go away as she cares too much &it's very difficult for her to deal with. Possibly she feels she's put the ball in your court & she wants you to show you trust her enough to go to her. I don't know. Impossible to tell when you don't know people.

Anyway - good luck - keep posting. My parents found out by getting hauled back from a holiday as I got in such a state. But they are great now. They can't deal with it at all - but it isn't taboo - I'm allowed to cut as long as I don't tell them - they know I do - but they understand I'm safe with it now

love - keep posting

xxxxxxxx

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by Tara's Mom on Thu May 24 03:06:16 2001 (#7541)

Hi, My daughter,Tara, cuts and has really had some bad times in her life. You asked for a parents advice on how to talk to your mom, so I'll try, as a parent. When I found out Tara was cutting, it freaked me out. Then I got mad, then I was sad. I realized for her to be doing that to herself, she must be in a whole lot of pain I didn't know about. I calmed my self down and asked her if she wanted to talk. At first she said no. I would bring it up every so often for several days and finally she started talking. I had to be strong for her,because there was so much pain that her dad and I never knew about, but there were times after talking to her I would go to my room and just cry because I personally couldn't take her pain away. We got her going to therepy and he put her on some meds. After adjusting and adding new ones when the others didn't work, she is finally coming back to her old self. I didn't realize how much I missed her. Tara still has her bad days, but she lets me know and we either talk or go do something together. Anything to take her mind off cutting. Maybe your mom is scared to death to talk about this. Maybe she doesn't know how to start a conversation with you about it. You'll never know how terrified you can become for your child till you have children yourself. Could be she thinks you don't want to talk about it. Maybe you could start with something like, "Mom, I'm really scared about this and I need someone to listen to. Could you help me?" I don't know if your mother is one of those parents who thinks that if they don't talk about it, it will go away, but since she hasn't made a move on the subject, maybe you should. If she doesn't want to talk, is there another adult who you trust enough to talk with? Tara told my not long ago, that it made her feel better if she just had someone to listen to her and not judge her. I never did that to her because I knew she had a real problem that wouldn't be solved by my ranting and raving to her about this. The people on this board seem to really care about what happens to each other. Afterall, they KNOW how you feel, because they have been through the same things. I don't know if this will help you any, but you can always post a message to me or e-mail me. I try to read the posts every few days. Like Tara, I do care what happens to each and everyone here. I pray for everyone here everynight. Talk to me if you need to. I hope you can find peace and healing someday. Tara's Mom

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by Maggie on Thu May 24 11:06:29 2001 (#7546)

Dear Tara's Mum,

Thank you for your parental insight. I think that you are acting like all of us wish our parents would. I personally have told my parents nothing. That's mainly because they are part of the reason I cut, and also because it would shatter them that their 'perfect' little daughter (only child) was in fact as unstable as they come. They are good parents... we have always had great communication and a good relationship, but when it comes to these issues, it is for their benefit, as well as for mine that they don't know.

But if they ever did accidentally find out about it, I would hope that they could act the way you do. I really appreciate the fact you adknowledge there are reasons for what we do, and don't just dismiss it as a behavioural problem.

Anyway, thanks. Maggie.

to everyone who plied, esp tara's mom
Posted by *me* on Sat May 26 04:24:28 2001 (#7586)

Thank you for replying. To Tara's mom, I only wish my mom was somewhat like you.

Lots of love

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by elle on Thu May 24 17:14:28 2001 (#7548)

you know the lady? shes a mom, she says really good mom stuff

Re: Ok, i really need a parent's point of view her
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 04:19:22 2001 (#7672)

(((((((((me))))))) I've hugged you before, I believe. I wish I could make you understand your Mom's point of view. I don't know her but I would bet that she is just hoping that if she ignores the situation it will go away. She doesn't want to believe her child is hurting so badly because then she would feel guilty about her part in it. You must open the conversation. You can do it. It may be a real relief to her too. Being a parent is one of the hardest things in the world and it seems so easy on the outside. Without God's help, who knows each child inside and out, I don't know how anyone else gets through parenthood. I challenge you to just give it a try. Don't assume that she doesn't care. You may be really surprised. Praying for you! Love, Linda

here i am yet again
Posted by Sharon on Thu May 24 01:41:53 2001 (#7536)

Oh my God, does this cycle never stop?! I think I'm fine, I'm gonna make it, and 2 months later I've landed back here again! I'm so sick of this. I really thought I was getting better this time, but then, yesterday, I had to take finals and I was just so stressed out and scared (some of my grades are at the "make or break" point) so I went to the bathroom and cut. And that just freaked me out some more. God, how much longer is this gonna go on?

-Sharon

Re: here i am yet again
Posted by ChrisE on Thu May 24 02:11:06 2001 (#7538)

sorry, I don't know you, I wish I could help, but I can't (I don't think). All I can do is let you know that I care... though my head may be screwed, I've been through the "finals" thing and it hurt me too... so hang in there... fck your grades. They don't mean shit. Just try and be happy with what you've achieved. If you get good grades, great. Shit grades, great also.It's all relative. Hang in there, be happy with whatever you've got. I don't mean to patronise you, just be happy...

call me if ever you need...

chris

chris.

'sup?
Posted by blue rose on Thu May 24 03:06:28 2001 (#7542)

Hey everyone, how's it going? I no longer have internet at home so I can't visit as often. So, just checking in to let everyone know I'm still alive (in case anyone wondered)

stay safe, mes amis

Re: 'sup?
Posted by girl on Thu May 24 21:55:54 2001 (#7552)

thanx 4 letting us know ur safe and ok!!!!!keep postin giif u can and my email is always there for u! love girl xxxx

Re: 'sup?
Posted by melissa on Thu May 24 23:16:15 2001 (#7559)

i wondered... im glad your still alive. i love you hun. muah. k.i.t kiddo

me

where can I get help for my friend
Posted by Melissa on Thu May 24 07:53:38 2001 (#7543)

Where would one get help in Las Vegas, Nevada for self-injury, "cutting"?

about your friend
Posted by Glenda on Thu May 31 01:19:00 2001 (#7716)

Hi I just wanted to ask why is your friend cutting? i mean why is he/she hurting so bad? I am asking cause i help people online who do (si) and I do reccemend your friend to see a professional but Was you asking for advise? cause i can give you advise on it i used to do it and i will try my best to help out Mabey you can e-mail me and Tell me why your friend cuts and a little about your friend so i can give you some advise okay? Check out my webpage http://www.depression.50megs.c om Okay hope to hear from you soon

ps please e-mail me cause Im not here much:O( Take care Glenda

Re: where can I get help for my friend
Posted by christopher on Tue Jun 5 18:21:33 2001 (#7826)

hey, this is along the same lines, does anyone know of a place in like either abilene,texas or just texas, where i can get some help?

Re: where can I get help for my friend
Posted by Linda on Wed Jun 6 19:04:56 2001 (#7840)

Depending on the kind of help you want, I know a wonderful place in Corpus Christi called The Lighthouse Boys Home. It is a part of the Roloff Evangelistic Ministries. I don't have a number for them and don't really know the criteria for getting in I just know that they have provided REAL help for thousands of boys in the last 40 years. I would think that you could locate a phone number through information. The gentleman in charge now is named Wiley Cameron. Hope you can find the help you need. By the way, I do have another source of finding a good counselor if you are interested. Let me know by email. I would welcome your communication.

Re: where can I get help for my friend
Posted by KAT on Sat Jun 9 16:55:07 2001 (#7891)

there are tons of places, I mean seriously. I went into the seay center its for the ages of i think 8-18 its very good theres also glenoaks, green oaks, RTC. i mean just a lot..check them out..youll find a good one hopefully. peace =)

Ok, I'm officially weirded out.
Posted by Drew on Thu May 24 09:06:56 2001 (#7544)

OK, that was the creepiest thing that has ever hapend to me. I just have to get this off my chest. I have this friend and she's always saying she's psychic. so of course I never belive her. but today.... holly shit! I am so creeped out right now. I just finnished talking to her. she told me things about me that I've never told anybody, she said things about my girlfriend, and there is no way she should know that. she told me my future and the plans I had for them and would will happen unless now that I know I decide to change it, which insedently I will.

ok, I don't expect anybody to belive me, but it's true I don't belive me right now but this is just so freaky. when we started we were talking about my relationship and I got so ... what's the word I'm looking for?...... I got so...preternatural. that shit was uncanny I was shakeing and almost hyperventilating I was paceing around the room, walking in and out of the house... I was going so crazy I just needed a drink more than anything in the world.. ( I don't drink) after a bit I just started cutting like crazy, I couldn't stop I was so stressed out and just knowing that what she was saying was true because there is NO WAY she should have/ could have known what she did, and this was not just broad stuff you can throw guesses at.

Any-who, thank God for hydrogin peroxide and a lack of Co2 in my brain.... becides that I'm just typeing away here not fully realizeing what I'm doing I don't know if I even belive what I'm saying... yeah I do... wait no I don't!! aw fuck I don't know anymore, I've lost too much blood, been really creeped out... and I'm just so damn shakey right now.. yeah like anybody is still reading... ok bye

Drew............. <---- very freaked out

Re: Ok, I'm officially weirded out.
Posted by Maggie on Thu May 24 11:22:26 2001 (#7547)

Dear Drew. I do believe that some people have the sixth sense. The same way that you can sometimes dream about things before they happen, or they way that some twins can feel when the other one is in trouble far away. There is definately some underlying invisible forces out there, and some people have the ability to read them. I don't know what she told you about yourself (I don't have the ability) but people exert energies, especially about things they are passionate about, and she probably could sense yours, and interpret it.

Don't be scared, just because it's an unexplained phenomenon doesn't mean it's entirely evil. I don't think there is any spirits or ghosts involved, just merely a gifted friend. It may be scary to have a friend read your life to you, but it'll be worse if senses you are cutting over this. Please wrap up your cuts, and stay calm. Take care, Maggie.

Re: Ok, I'm officially weirded out.
Posted by girl on Thu May 24 22:04:26 2001 (#7553)

hey i dont think that there is an evilness involved either and maybe this friend can be a positive person in your life, maybe help u out with internal angst and shit...it doesnt have to be negative and if u feel that u cant handle him/her telling u this stuff just tell them ud preferr them to avoid the topic or just not mess with ur 'spiritual stuff' oh what the fuck do i know anyway?sorry if i sound patronizing...stay safe...love girl.

im new
Posted by jenn on Thu May 24 09:51:43 2001 (#7545)

hello ive never written on one of these before and i have never talked to another cutter before, i have been trying to stop cutting, but i dont really have any support, no one in my family, none of my friends understand, i dont even understand half the time. i guess i just want to talk to another cutter, someone that know kinda what im thinking so i know that im not crazy. mostly so i dont feel so alone jenn

Re: im new
Posted by katite on Thu May 24 19:55:31 2001 (#7550)

jenn,

Hello, my name is Katie and I too am a cutter. I know how you feel and its hard.I don't have anyone to talk to (i've just started to turn to the internet for support). I hope you find some support,help,and comfort eather on the net or from someone.I just wanted to say you are not alone and you're not crazy.

~katie

Re: im new
Posted by girl on Thu May 24 22:07:31 2001 (#7555)

hi im girl and im a cutter too.i hate that word though...anyways my email is totally open to u any time u need to talk and this board has given me so much support (thanx guys) and i really hope u can find comfort here too. email me or IM me anytime honey, love girl xxxxxxx

Re: im new
Posted by Tara on Fri May 25 00:58:08 2001 (#7563)

Jenn,

i know that it seems scary and you feel like you are a freak and all alone,but you are not even close to being alone.there are a lot more of us than you think.not to sound harsh.just hang in there.we are all here for you and if you need to talk just e-mail any one of us.

LOVE YOUR FRIEND,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

Jenn
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 02:24:13 2001 (#7570)

welcome to the board...we all came here for just about the same reason! ne time u need to say something or have someone to talk to we (I know I am) will all be here to help or talk to u! we know how u feel and what ur going through! keep postin! Christine

Re: im new
Posted by Rabbit on Fri May 25 03:53:00 2001 (#7572)

You're not crazy! Welcome to the board. No matter if you cut or burn or whatever, you have come to a p[lace where people understand. feel safe here, because you are.

Re: im new
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Fri May 25 05:43:18 2001 (#7573)

Hiya! and welcome to the board, i remeber when i first came here, it mae me feel like i wasn't alone! and just letting you know, we are ALL here for you, and you can email me anytime you want, alrighty i g2g2bed, take care!~shanna

MAGGIE :)
Posted by Nuni on Thu May 24 20:41:51 2001 (#7551)

Maggie, I am wondering how you are? I hope well. I will write more from home. Love and hugs, Nuni

Letter to Mom
Posted by Suzie on Thu May 24 22:06:47 2001 (#7554)

Mom,

Please do not think that i dont understand. I do. Every day i do, every day i think about this. Please do not think that i do care. Because i do. I honestly do. Every day i am just as scared as you. Every day. Please do not think that i dont love you. Because i do. You are my mother, and i always will love you. not matter what happens, i will always be your daughter, and i will always love you. Please do not feel hurt when i do not talk to you about my problems. I dont know how to share. I never learned how to exspress my feelings. I dont know. I dont share. Please do not feel that i share my problems with everyone,. Because i dont. I dont share my feelings , my true feelings with anyone. Please do not worry. Dont worry that i will die, because i wont ever let that happen. Please dont worry that i will get involved with the wrong this. i protect my self from that, and i wont let that happen. I am so sorry that i have led you though all this pain. I wish and pray that every day will be better.

I am sorry that i can not tell this to your face. I wish i could. I am sorry that I can not run up and hug you. I know you need a hug more than anything in the world. Honestly, i need a hug to. I am sorry that all my time is spent with my computer. and i am sorry that i no longer talk with you. I wish so hard that everything could be better. That this all could be over, But i dont think that it ever will. I am scared evey day that something bad will happen. Every day i am scared. I cant walk alone in the house. I cant sleep alone in my bed. I am afraid of the windows at night. I am afraid to go outside at night. Or to walk alone. I am so sorry that this all is happeneing. I want it to be over so much. I promise to you that someday it will all be better. This is the promise which i make to you. It will be better.

I am sorry that i have split up the family. I feel so bad about that. I am sorry that i have fourced sharon to move away. I am sorry that she takes all her anger out on you. I am sorry that i am not strong enough to let every thing out. I am sorry that i have cause you and dad to fight so much. I am sorry that you have to waste all your money on my treatment. I am sorry that you and dad are not happy any more. I am sorry for everything that i have caused. I am sorry for all the tears which i have brought to your face. I am sorry for all the pain which has been put in your heart. I am sorry for all the sleepless nights. scared for me. I am sorry for the broken family, I am sorry for all that i have done. i am sorry for all that has been done. I am sorry for everything that has gone wrong. I am sorry for me. I am so sorry.

Please forgive me

love your daughter

Suzie

Re: Letter to Mom
Posted by girl on Thu May 24 22:10:40 2001 (#7557)

honey, the letter was beautiful, ive felt the same way sometimes...i really hope ur ok...love girl xxx

Re: Letter to Mom
Posted by ***** on Thu May 24 23:46:44 2001 (#7562)

why would you put something like that up. Its weird. It was so sappy. What kind of support are you trying to get by writing that.

to******who ever you are.
Posted by Tara on Fri May 25 01:07:24 2001 (#7564)

don't come on here and treat people like that.if you post here,we support you and don't dog you about what you post.i do not appreciate you doing that whoever you are.don't do it again.i know that i can't really do much of anything about it except bitch about it,but that is what i will do.i would not even think of doing that to you.we talk out our problems here and do our best not to act on them.this is a place for us to vent our feelings.so if you don't like it ,you can just leave.

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

what the heck???
Posted by *me* on Sat May 26 04:26:52 2001 (#7587)

C'mon we're here to support each other. Everyone should feel free to post absolutely any of their feelings here for support. Suzie, I personally thought the letter was BEAUTIFUL.

Lots of love

Re: Letter to Mom
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 02:21:00 2001 (#7569)

OMG! that was soo beautiful Suzie!!! I wish I could say some of those things to my mom but it's soo hard!!! hope ur feelin better! Christine

Re: Letter to Mom
Posted by Tara's Mom on Sat May 26 01:54:53 2001 (#7584)

Susie, Have you ever thought about printing a copy of this letter and showing your mom? Sometimes it is so much easier to write down what is in our hearts than to just say it. It seems to get all mixed up coming out of our mouth. Even if she doesn't say anything back to you, she will know how you feel about her. Maybe it would make her feel better. But if you don't feel comfortable doing that, just keep posting here cause you can get a lot of support from everyone. I personally thought it was a wonderful letter and it would help me to understand what you're going through. Love, Tara's Mom

looks like im back... again
Posted by Suzie on Thu May 24 22:09:06 2001 (#7556)

ahhh. im back again.

it looks like my prayers havent been answered. and this whole thing hasnt gone away. i really wish it would. Thanks you guys. maby this time it will. ... maby

Susi.

Re: looks like im back... again
Posted by Jue on Thu May 24 23:30:37 2001 (#7560)

hi good to know you are okay. i don't come here that often anymore, but i always look for people who have not been here in a while (when i do come) and i am thankful to hear from you. love and take care julie.

Re: looks like im back... again
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 02:09:59 2001 (#7567)

Hey susie, It's soo good to hear from u! I'm hoping that u feel good! christine

Oops!!!
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 02:12:16 2001 (#7568)

I'm sry I didn't mean to spell ur name wrong hun!!! I'm soo sry!!!

Re: looks like im back... again
Posted by elle on Fri May 25 15:49:35 2001 (#7577)

have u been cutting again hon? i certainly have...i am just getting worse. i had this nightmare over and over last night that for some stupid reason i decided to wear shorts to a shrink appt and we decided to go for a walk becuase it was a nice day and we didnt want to sit in his office..and it turned out he took me to these wierd people and they locked me up in the hospital. it was so wierd. i was like clinging to my therapist and screaming and he was like its ok, just go with them, ill see you in the hospital...then i would die and the dream would start all over again. i died becuase i dreamt that i had found a really good hiding place for a razor so i had it in the hospital and nobody could find it. yeah, ok, bye. i dont post much anymore. but i am glad you are here again..hope you can find strength

Re: looks like im back... again
Posted by Sharon on Fri May 25 20:00:29 2001 (#7579)

Sweetie, I know at least a part of what you're going through. I always get to a point where I think I'm fine and happy and safe and then the nightmare begins again. Don't give up, ok? We're here for you.

hugs,

Sharon

Re: looks like im back... again
Posted by elle on Sat May 26 06:24:26 2001 (#7591)

dang! i am trying to remeber so hard the hiding place i dreamed up...all i can remeber is that it was REALLY REALLY good. and i cant remember at all!!!!! its making me soooooooooooooooo mad!!!! its all i can think about. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

silly silly pale and dumb
Posted by girl on Thu May 24 22:21:02 2001 (#7558)

''well its the most peculiar feeling like sunburn in the evening with dark clouds on their way and u think its most unlikely life will ever shine so brightly'' cataonia.

i m cold here under burnt skin.cold and numb.ive failed them all, all my support people, my pretend parents everyone. the door to the roof has a lock on it now i know why they did it becasuse they know i went back there and so theyve sealed it off hush hush so silently i climb the stairs shhhhh th edoor oppens with a creak and its all there just like before mmm mmm i can taste the air so sweet. its my temptation so addictive ive got to find a way to get up there so it can be mine again, sanctuary, red door tainted by the supernatural oh whos going to read this shit anyway? girl

Re: silly silly pale and dumb
Posted by Jue on Thu May 24 23:34:22 2001 (#7561)

i read it. i tend to write things that people don't read or respond to. i think sometimes that no one can relate to me, so i vainly strive to relate to others and it never works. i am on my own.

Re: silly silly pale and dumb
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 02:07:14 2001 (#7566)

I'll always try to read everything I can! I'm always here for you! Christine

Scared and Confused
Posted by Requiem on Fri May 25 03:05:16 2001 (#7571)

I've been feeling like cutting all day, really badly. I can't afford to, though, because I already cut myself pretty badly the past two days. If anyone has any good advice, I could really use some. I am having a hard time coping with everything in my life, and I feel like a burden to everyone I love... I'm just scared and confused and at a loss for what to do anymore.

Thanks for reading this,

Requiem

Re: Scared and Confused
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Fri May 25 05:48:37 2001 (#7574)

Oo hang in there!! try doing things that take your mind off it, i know it seems impossible, but like what i do, is i clean my house, i clean and clean till everything is clean, then i keep cleaning, i cant stop, my parents keep asking me if i'm on speed or meth, lol, ANYWAYS, keep up the good work! stay strong! i know its hard, but we are all here to help, i know this probly wasn't much help, but owell take care~shanna+

Re: Scared and Confused
Posted by ali on Fri May 25 06:42:50 2001 (#7576)

Have you seen a website called (I think) Self-injury: You are NOT the only one?

They have some quite good ideas on doing other physical things, without hurting yourself, like tearing up paper, holding ice... does that sound too cheesy?

Sometimes I find doing something else like that distracts me or releases the feelings for a bit.

Please believe you are not a burden. You're a special unique person who deserves love and to be happy.

Would curling up in bed with a good book be comforting, or watching a funny movie or video?

I'm sorry if this isn't any help... Please hang in there, love and peace, ali.

Requiem
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 21:21:19 2001 (#7581)

Requiem, try some ice instead of cutting...it gives somewhat of the same effect but doesn't leave a scar! it may work in some cases...try it! ur strong u can get thru this! IM or e-mail me if u need to talk! Christine

hurting
Posted by ali on Fri May 25 06:23:50 2001 (#7575)

hi, I've never written to anything like this before... kinda scared.

I don't cut at the moment, but I pick my skin. Does anyone else do this?

I often feel so alone, frightened, depressed, ugly...

But I guess you guys probably know about those feelings (or similar), huh?

hoping things get better for everyone, ali.

Re: hurting
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Fri May 25 17:54:36 2001 (#7578)

Dude. We all know where you're comeing from, but it might help if you tell us exactly what's wrong. Not only will it get some things off your chest, ( to most of us this is the only place to do it) but we all have differnt problems and may be able to better relate if you tell us what the exact problem is. If you don't want to that's ok too.

Drew:)

Re: hurting
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 21:24:33 2001 (#7582)

Hi Ali, welcome to the board! whenever u need to vent or tell what ur feeling we're here to help each other out! we all know where ur comin from and we know what it's like! keep postin we're always here to help! Christine

Re: hurting
Posted by *me* on Sat May 26 04:31:12 2001 (#7588)

Hey welcome!!! I dig my skin, too. I also cut and bruise. For me it began with bruising, then I began digging and picking and stuff. Then I began to cut. But anywho I understand. Post whenever you need to. We're all here to support each other.

Lots of love

My mom
Posted by Sharon on Fri May 25 20:11:05 2001 (#7580)

Ok, just a warning to everyone who reads this (though I doubt anyone will) this is a major venting session for me. I love my mom like crazy, I look up to her, and I respect her, and I wish that for just once she'd look at ME with respect and not talk to me or about me with contempt in her voice. I feel like when she found out about the self-injury she just gave up on me, like "How can a daughter of mine be so screwed up?" and it's like she doesn't realize that she contributed to it. She's constantly bugging me about my weight, something that I actually used to feel comfortable about. And now, no matter how much my friends tell me how thin I am, I don't believe it. I'll slip into stages of compulsive eating and then I'll starve myself and exercise like crazy for days on end cuz I can't stand the thought of all the calories and grease etc. Whenever I'm around her, I feel inferior and worthless, but, as stupid as this sounds, I keep on trying to make her proud of me, and despite all the stuff she does, I still love her. Am I just psycho? I just want her to be proud of me, to say something nice about the way I look or how I act JUST ONCE! Is it too much to ask? Sorry to make y'all sit through this, I just had to get it out.

hugs,

Sharon

Sharon
Posted by black rose on Fri May 25 21:30:50 2001 (#7583)

Sharon, Alot of ppl are likethat w/their moms! I know she's mad at me too for my SI and I try to make her happy no matter what to! it's this weird kind of bond u share w/ur mom...u may hate the things she says and does know and still love her...and understand what she did and why later in life! Like if ur mom takes u to a psychiatrist for ur SI u may hate it at 1st but she's only doing it to make u feel better! mom's need to be tough and kind at the same time...it's not an easy role! if u need to talk I'm here! Christine

Re: My mom
Posted by Tara's Mom on Sat May 26 02:07:21 2001 (#7585)

Sharon, Hi. Has it been a long time since your mom found out about your SI? When I found out Tara was cutting, I asked myself the same question your mom did. I finally realized that she not's really screwed up, she just needs help. I went to some of Tara's therepy sessions with her and that really helped me out a lot. Do you think your mom would do that? It might help her realize that she needs to work on things also. Nobody should be treated like a third class person just because they deal with the pain in their lives differently than other people. Maybe none of this will help but you are not physcho!! Good luck with mom and I hope she comes around soon. Tara's Mom

gosh darn scars!!!
Posted by *me* on Sat May 26 04:37:29 2001 (#7589)

I hide the ones on my wrist. I hide the ones on my side. I thought I'd be able to hide the ones on my thighs. But I forgot about summer. And swimming. The cuts are healed but the reddish-purpleish marks are there. And they will be for a long time. Those kind of marks on my wrists take about a year to fade into pinkish-whitish scars. So I'm assuming the same will be true for my thighs. Ok, so my question is, is there any way to get them to fade quicker?? Summer is fast approaching. I've been putting this lotiony junk w/ vitamin E on them, it's supposed to get rid of "marks, blemishes, and dry rough skin." Um, ok..whatever. Any better ideas? Mine's not working.

Lots of love

Re: gosh darn scars!!!
Posted by elle on Sat May 26 06:18:33 2001 (#7590)

vitamin e caplets - pop em open and smear it on and wrap it in gauze or towels. make sure to do it before bed and put a lot all over...works for me. they also sell these like clear scar reducing strips that are supposed to reduce the apperance of scars....or you can do what i always always do....BOARD SHORTS!!!!! yeah baby! buy cool boys swim trunks that come just below your knees (providing there are no scars on your lower legs) and just wear them to swim and stuff. its a cool look. yet again i havent swum in years....hurts to badly to be in water...but i go sailing a lot and most of the time in the summer i can control myself enough not to cut below my knees. its really hard. i have tons of scars on my lower legs but most my friends know and dont ask so its cool. i dont have to worry when i am with them...and then when we go to the beach and stuff i wear those pants that like roll up, ya know the ones that have the little straps to hold them up from abercrombie. ok, sorry so long. rambing. bubbye

me too sweetie!!!!
Posted by girl on Sat May 26 15:18:57 2001 (#7596)

i have the same prob, cos they thought i had stopped so dad is gonna freak this summer so is mum. more mum really. i think elle has the best plan that ive ever heard so im going with that one!!!!!! or start surfing like i do and wear a HUGE weetsuit!!!!!sorry im no help love girlxxxxxx

im so crushed
Posted by melissa on Sat May 26 11:13:17 2001 (#7594)

i did it because i thought he would like me... and then he hurt me. and apologized. and i did it again because im stupid. and now hes gone. i just missed my boyfriend so much and i needed to feel loved. no ive been crushed and ive betrayed the love of my life. neither will talk to me im hurt and alone. and i want to die... i have for some time now... i dont know what im waiting for.

??? me

Re: im so crushed
Posted by black rose on Sun May 27 01:02:56 2001 (#7608)

melissa, it's not the end of the world! ur gonna be ok...everyone is here to help u out and make u feel better! e-mail me if u wanna talk! Christine

LOST SAVE ME, ILL SAVE YOU
Posted by melissa on Sat May 26 13:53:19 2001 (#7595)

where are you lost. save me ill save you. we can save e/o. your not here... why should i be. i have to agree with your dicision if you did go through with it. i miss you dearly. i took our friendship for granted. i saw your name there on my list so often and i said nothing. im sorry. i need a friend now. i need someone. save me. i promise ill save you. good bye

me

what now?......
Posted by girl on Sat May 26 15:36:00 2001 (#7597)

im moving house in a couple of weeks i found out this morning which is great cuz i cant b here anymore its so stagnent so why do i feel so low nothing canlft me anymore its all so aimless i dont know how i type how does this work?these buttons of the curved and straigt?i have lost my support people they r drifting fallling away...i want to follow to concrete they locked the door but there are so many more.i want my goldenchild back, my brother, my goldenboy.i need him i cant do this without him, so special little boy all growing up now how did he get so old so young?i dont want him to have to deal with shit like i did, i know he s had flashbacks to THAT TIME in our lives when we were still little sinless ones i just wasnt a good little girl just not goodd enouh. he protected mum i should of im older i should have taken the force of the blow.....sorry im soooo sorry please someone forgive me i deserve to be punished it was all my fault. girl

Re: what now?......
Posted by black rose on Sun May 27 01:07:00 2001 (#7609)

Girl, nothin was ur fault! talk to me! christine

BLACK ROSE
Posted by girl on Sun May 27 12:37:02 2001 (#7614)

i wish i could beleive u i really do...thank u so much. love girl

here we go again..
Posted by neveah....it's dark on Sat May 26 18:10:19 2001 (#7598)

fuck!! i can't wait to get out of school, i new high school girls could be bitches but i didn't know that they would stoop that low..couple weeks ago i was w/one of my best friends and she had waxed her arms..it looked awesome!..i'm not on efor that myself, but i let her do mine (she knows about my burns) and i didn't realize until after, that my burns will probably be more noticble. Ugh, it looks hideous, especially because i have a problem burning on the top of my lower arm (near my hands, and b4 my wrist, on top) and there is no where else i ever burn...i can't find newhere, it is the worst, i wish i could wear board shorts or abercrombie pants, but you can't really wear those on your arms! damnit i dunno what to do, they r goin away, but my skin is pinky and whitish, adn looks like i got in a fight w/ a paper shedder. well, this week nthis psyco chick i have always hated didn't have the nerve to say something to my face so cam on instant messenger and started to bitch me out cuz i said hi to her stoopid boyfriend, and she started sayin' all this ludicris stuff that never even happened, then she started to make fun of me b/cuz of my burning, she started harassing me like mad, and i started shakin and got really upset, and i told her to back off, but she kept repeating (and it's still stuck in my mind) "have another rollerblading accident?" (i rollerblade so when my burning started to get worse i told ppl. that it was a rollerblading accident) well, after that, she just couldn't get enuf so she was like, "it's on ething if you have a MENTAL CONDITION/PROBLEM, but it's certainly another if you do it JUST FOR ATTENTION. that just go to me, what a sick person, that was just so low it was like morally incorrect, u never go that low, and she knows she wants to push me to burn myself b/cuz of her, but I WON"T FUCKING LET HER!!! she is a psyco bitch that has major problems (like i'm one to talk, but at least i don't make fun of ppl. like she does)well, i got worse, next day at school she was walkin around like she was hot shit sayin "everyone knows, it so stoopid" adn so then she told this kid bryan to walk up to me and ask somethin, so in front of 4 of my friends he came up and said, "you have a rollerblading accident?" and i freaked out, and told him to just ask the bitch that told him to say that, so in the background i heard this loud laughing and then thy went to class...i wouldn't let them see me cry, i won't let them win...i tore out of class the exact minute my crush was comin into school and that madde me feel even worse, so i ran out of the school, and didn't come back till later, then later that day, the bitch group came and tried to tell me off b/cuz of what i did, but everyhting i said slapped them right in the face, they didn't know what to say, unless they write me a note or IM me... ha, but i still hear what she says and it's playin' over in my mind, what else will they do to me next? i can't go on like this, it's over........i can't wait for their next attack, each time it's worse, how low can u go?

Re: here we go again..
Posted by elle on Sat May 26 20:34:41 2001 (#7601)

i am sorry hon...hands/wrists are hard to hide. i wear long sleeves always that come down over my hands so just my fingers stick out. and then i always forget and roll them up and i just hear like the people around me gasp. i hate that people can be so bitchy. just means that they are insecure. or i tell myself. i went to get a pedicure yesterday and you know you like sit in the chair and roll your pants up to your knees so they can like scrub your legs and massage them and all that. well, i had a fight with the lady becuase i told her i would not roll up my pants and she was like you have to theyll get wet and i was like NNOOOO so she tried to roll them up and she got like and inch up and then i kinda kicked her and she saw some cuts and then was like ok...i dont think that people have every really made fun of me for it they have just been scared and disgusted and felt sorry for me. the other night i was in the hospital becuase i was in a car accident and they made me go to get checked out, but then they nurse came in and she was such a bitch becuase she was like you have to put on this hospital gown and i was like no, im ok. and she was like, its ok if you have dirty underwear. and i was like no and it escalated becuse she was such a bitch and she finally was like you are wasting my time and if you dont cooperate i will have to put you in restraints and cut your pants off. so i took them off and she looked at my legs and was like, is that from the accident and i was like no, and so she was like did u do that to yourself and i was like yes and she was like y the fuck would u do that? and i was like no of your business and she was like i will have to call a social worker and i was like dont bother i am alreaddy in therapy and she didnt believe me so she had to call my therapist and check and then she left me alone. crazy bitch.

Re: here we go again..
Posted by neveah....it's dark on Sat May 26 22:30:46 2001 (#7604)

man, that is some crazy shit....but i got on the internet a little while ago and the psyco bitch that made fun of me got on, and was like, hey no hard feeling...i was like, "what? you psyco bitch you expect me to forget all about it?? umm...DON"T THINK SO" then she got all mad adn started bringing up her gay ass boyfriend, but she couldn't stay on long enuf for me to reply what her last message was, chicken bitch was too scared ot hear me out...i used ur idea on the long sleeves, only one problem, long sleeves don't fit under my school uniform, and, i can't fita jacket over my uniform, i hate it, not to mention the fact that i live in Florida, where the only season is summer, and it's like 88 degrees every day, (not including the humidity.) what's that stuff u put on ur arms to make stuff disappear...neosporin? who care, the psyco bitch said, "everyone knows" (supposedly) about my burning, so i don't really have nething ot hide...BTW, sorry about the accident you got in, our family has a history of car wrecks too.

Re: here we go again..
Posted by black rose on Sun May 27 01:15:10 2001 (#7610)

Neveah, That's just too mean! I'm soo sry for what they do to u...I know exactly how u feel! it's not easy to get them to leave u alone!!! I wish it was easy or they'd be gone in a flash just like every mean bitch in the world! it's just not right! dont let um get to u...u don't want them to do to u what they did to me...win! it was soo stupid of me...don't be the same way...ur stronger! Christine

Re: here we go again..
Posted by neveah....it's dark on Sun May 27 23:16:54 2001 (#7631)

thx, but it's so much harder, when it's real life, i always thought, "that will never be me", but look at me....damn i keep screwin up, did it again today, i'll write more later

just wanted to let everyone know that i'm here
Posted by nick on Sat May 26 19:40:14 2001 (#7600)

hi everybody.i'm happy i've finally found somewhere where i can get some support from fellows cutters.just wanted to let everyone know i'm new and to introduce myself.bye :)

Re: just wanted to let everyone know that i'm here
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Sun May 27 00:23:09 2001 (#7606)

hey nick, welcome to the bord.

Drew :)

Nick
Posted by black rose on Sun May 27 01:17:48 2001 (#7611)

hi Nick, welcome to the board...u'll find out that everyone here has to deal w/the same things as u! we're always here to support 1 another! keep postin! Christine

LLLLOOOOOSSSSTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by elle on Sat May 26 20:43:47 2001 (#7602)

LOST, are u still breathing? please be ok. i always admired you so much. i hope you are ok. i cant even begin to imagine all the shit youve been through and all the pain u are in..please be ok

maybe it happened to her maybe it did
Posted by melissa on Sat May 26 21:06:20 2001 (#7603)

maybe she did go through with it i cant even begin to cry. to the thought of her death i have no emotion. ive a plan instead. my plan, not the smart to some, is to join her tonight at 8pm my time (florida). this is my only way out... or maybe the only one i want. (3:05pm)

melissa

Re: maybe it happened to her maybe it did
Posted by *me* on Sat May 26 23:04:34 2001 (#7605)

PLEASE don't kill yourself. Please. We don't even know for sure that LOST did do it. Melissa, there's so much to live for. It may not seem like it now, but there is. Please. I hope you read this. Don't do anything you might regret. Please. I'm here for you. Please stay stong.

Lots and lots of love

Re: maybe it happened to her maybe it did
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Sun May 27 00:46:18 2001 (#7607)

ooo melissa! dont do it! what if lost is okay? oh please dont! please1 i dont know what else to say! just please!

Re: maybe it happened to her maybe it did
Posted by girl on Sun May 27 12:42:09 2001 (#7615)

please dont do it honey please. lost could till be okay pleas stop dont do it please.OMG i hope u read this please stay, im here if u need me email, IM whatever we r all here for u, please sweetie please, love girl xxxxx(((((((melissa)))))))) safety hug!

MELISSA
Posted by elle on Sun May 27 17:23:14 2001 (#7618)

hon, i really cant tell you to stop or stay alive becuase i dont know if things will get better. just remeber you dont know if she went through with it. maybe shes just in the hospital. i hope i am not to late but think how sad she would be if you were gone...

Repulsed and Relieved
Posted by Melinda on Sun May 27 05:34:22 2001 (#7612)

I found this website about a month ago, and just about wept when I did. I've been participating in various forms of self injury since junior high school - and it's been a secret I've kept to myself for years. It's just not something you talk about with others, you know? I'm so relieved to find out there are others out there who cope with life's pain the same way I do. Sometimes I look at the evidence on my arms and feel comforted, and other times I look at it and feel repulsed at my weakness and my inability to just 'handle' life like everyone else.

I'm so thankful that this place is here. That you have shared your hurts and heartaches so openly. I feel like someone understands my world - and that makes me feel less alone. And by reading the posts and various articles on this site, I understand a little more about self-injury and what happens when a person does it. It somehow makes the practice seem less intimidating - like some of the powerful mystery of it has been exposed. It's not totally manageable yet, but it's not as frightening to me as it used to be.

It's sort of weird having something be your friend and enemy at the same time. Cutting comforts me - but it also harms my body. It helps me to endure some of my more painful moments, but I don't see it as a permanent solution to my pain. It's like, I have a love/hate relationship with cutting. My friend - my enemy - then my friend again. Is it like that for you too? Do you wish you could stop sometimes? Do you feel better when you don't do it? Or does the tension build and then you find you're more intense with self-injury the next time around? I wish I understood this more fully - but finding a place like this (and talking openly with my counselor about it) is a good first step, I think.

Anyway - thanks for being here. And for sharing from the depths of your souls. It's an odd thing to have in common with people, but I'm thankful to have found you.

Melinda

Re: Repulsed and Relieved
Posted by girl on Sun May 27 12:44:34 2001 (#7616)

glad u found us!!! my email is always open, love girl xxxxxxx

Re: Repulsed and Relieved
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 21:21:46 2001 (#7622)

welcome aboard!!!i suffer from SI too.if you wanna i'm usually online most of the day. (((((HUGS))))))))) Love Nick
:)

Re: Repulsed and Relieved
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 21:21:59 2001 (#7623)

welcome aboard!!!i suffer from SI too.if you wanna talk i'm usually online most of the day. (((((HUGS))))))))) Love Nick
:)

i'm getting jumpy
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 07:50:01 2001 (#7613)

i'm sitting here at my computer and i'm getting really jumpy.i get that urge again but i'm afraid to do it.i'm afraid my parents are gonna wake up and see me doing it.my heads spinning.argh!!!!!!!

Re: i'm getting jumpy
Posted by girl on Sun May 27 13:08:42 2001 (#7617)

sweetie just stop for a second and bbreathe!!!!! just calm down get a drink and go to bed, sorry im not much help, love girl xxxxxxx

I don't know
Posted by Drew on Sun May 27 19:40:47 2001 (#7619)

Fuck, I'm going to try to stop cutting but ther's so much going on in my life I'm going crazy.. A few people know that I cut and it really hurts them that I keep doing it and the're teying to help me and it makes them feel so bad, and that makes me want to cut more and it just keeps repeating over and over.

and I don't know what's up with my g/f. She askes me back out and now I think she's avoiding me.

fist of all she never phons me and when I phone her she always has to go light up a smoke or someone needs the phone, every time, so I called a while ago and her (I assume) roommate said she was too sick and couldn't talk, I phone the next day and she's perfictly fine. We had plans to do something yester day and she's convenently sick again. I don't know ,maybe I'm just crazy or overreacting but I'm putting so much efort into this and it's like she doesn't even care......

How the hell am I supposed to stop cutting with that added on to my life?

shit, sorry for that I just needed to get a few things out

Drew.

should i feel bad?
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 20:40:45 2001 (#7620)

i was wondering if i should feel bad about when i read these postes and the emails that i get the urge to go and SI.does anyone else get these feelings when they read the posts?

Melissa and Elle
Posted by LOST on Sun May 27 21:04:40 2001 (#7621)

woah!!! what the hell!? i haven't been to the board for a few days because I've been real busy. My whole life is babysitting and running errands now. i don't even see my friends... and i stay the night where i babysit every night. the day that i posted that thing, i ended up driving for 4 hrs in one direction while crying the whole time. My plan was to go very far away where no one would ever find me or know me... and just be by myself... that way if i ended up killing myself, no one would ever know because they would all think that i had just run away and that i was fine. anyway after 4 hrs i pulled to the side of the road and went to sleep. when i woke up, i realized that my thoughts the night before had passed and i went home. i'm fine now. but i'm still sad. i'm sorry i made u guys worry... and melissa if u did anything i'm gonna sock u in ur forehead. shit i gotta go tho... parents are trippin. e-mail me if u wanna talk... anyone

Re: Melissa and Elle
Posted by *me* on Sun May 27 21:40:59 2001 (#7625)

LOST I'm really really glad you're ok. I think everyone got a little panicky yesterday.

Lots of love

i think i just cut a vein
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 21:40:36 2001 (#7624)

i just cut my arm and the blood keeps oozing out.what should i do?

Re: i think i just cut a vein
Posted by *me* on Sun May 27 21:45:41 2001 (#7626)

Um I don't really know what to tell you cuz I've never cut that deep. I've read from ppl here that you can put little pieces of tape horizontilly across the cut to hold the skin together. I don't know though. If it gets really bad maybe you should go get stitches. Good luck. Be safe.

Lots of love

Re: i think i just cut a vein
Posted by nick on Sun May 27 21:59:45 2001 (#7628)

i got the bleeding to stop

Re: i think i just cut a vein
Posted by *me* on Sun May 27 22:03:52 2001 (#7629)

That's good. Stay safe.

Lots of love

Re: i think i just cut a vein
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Mon May 28 02:35:09 2001 (#7636)

well, you could put direct pressure on it and go to a doctor. of if I was you I'd probably just bleed to death, that's just me though.

Drew.

Re: i think i just cut a vein
Posted by Maggie on Wed May 30 07:41:21 2001 (#7696)

Just for the record, I've done a vein before, and the only way I got the blood to stop flowing was tying a thick cloth tightly around it for a few hours. And then used butterfly bandages to hold it together when there wasn't so much blood.

MELISSA????
Posted by *me* on Sun May 27 21:48:54 2001 (#7627)

Sweetie I'm really very worried about you. I hope you're safe. Please be ok.

Lots of love

Re: MELISSA????
Posted by black rose on Tue May 29 03:44:55 2001 (#7669)

aw Hun please be ok!! everyone's worried about u!!!

i'm bleeding
Posted by katie on Sun May 27 23:08:43 2001 (#7630)

sorry to post this but i just needed to say i'm bleeding. i have a problem with cutting my self and i know i needed help but its to hard and all i really need is for someone to listen some i'm telling everyone now i'm bleeding. sorry to waist your time if you read this and sorry to waist the space i know there are people with real problems. ok then good bye and if you did read this thanks for taking the time

~katie

Re: i'm bleeding
Posted by sara on Sun May 27 23:28:26 2001 (#7632)

i'll listen, anytime. i know how it feels to only want someone to talk to but not sure how, i was in the same boat last night...i wanted to but didn't think that people would listen or care, but i called a good friend and she listened and cared. i don't know if you have anyone to talk to and i don't know you, but i'll be there and listen, just e-mail me and i'll get back to you. sara

Re: i'm bleeding
Posted by ChrisE on Mon May 28 17:43:18 2001 (#7647)

You're not wasting our time, if you need to talk then people here want to listen. And all your problems are real, they matter and you matter... post again or mail me anytime if you think it might help

chris

buslist chat room
Posted by nick on Mon May 28 00:15:44 2001 (#7633)

i'm going to go chat in the buslist room anyone and everyone is welcome to join me ----Nick
: )

Re: buslist chat room
Posted by nick on Mon May 28 00:29:41 2001 (#7634)

nevermind i can't figure out how to get in....fuckit.can't do anything right-----Nick

help me!!!
Posted by nick on Mon May 28 02:08:36 2001 (#7635)

i'm sitting here and my mind is going crazy.i'm reading the stories on suicide and the SI stories.i can't stop thinking about hurting myself.i want to run away from home.i want to get out this fucking place.its not like my parents are abusive i just cant take it anymore.i hate living at home.i feel like my world is spinning out of control.i keep thinking what if i die.i don't know why i am thinking that.please don't tell anybody i said that i don't want to get in trouble online.i'm so scared of that.i'm so scared right now.i want to go and SI but i can't becuz my parents are home.i need to get my rush i get from SI.its killing me not to.help me!!!!!!!! ----a very worried nick

Re: help me!!!
Posted by ali on Mon May 28 02:36:45 2001 (#7637)

hi nick hang in there, buddy. I know that damn awful feeling of desperation. sometimes I can distract myself by holding ice, or do something like rip up cardboard, or scribble on paper with black and red crayons... I know, sounds patheitc when the feeling are so bad, but do anything but hurt yourself. take care, ali. p.s. i can never get into the bus chat either...how the hell does it work?!

Re: help me!!!
Posted by black rose on Tue May 29 03:43:40 2001 (#7668)

please don't SI..talk to me! I'm here for u! u on't need to SI it's ok! Christine

Kate?
Posted by *me* on Mon May 28 02:43:39 2001 (#7638)

Hun haven't heard from you in quite some time. You ok??? I hope so.

Lots of love

thanks
Posted by ali on Mon May 28 04:04:33 2001 (#7639)

thank you Drew, Christine and *me* for your welcomes! I have been picking my skin, mostly on my face, ugh!, for years... (also cut my arms)... started before I knew about SI, or why I was doing it, or that, most importantly, there was anyone like me. I've felt really alone with it, and this site made me weep, for others who are suffering from similar feelings, and to also know I'm not the only one. It's really hard, as most of the scarring is on my face, so others can see it, and some pple are really mean about it(without knowing where it's from... and I ain't gonna tell those meanies). I don't feel I can tell anyone, it's too disgusting. My therapist for childhood stuff definitely doesn't understand SI -- it seems to mean little to her. Seems like there is more understanding in the US, maybe?? anyway, take are everyone, ali.

Re: thanks
Posted by black rose on Mon May 28 21:21:40 2001 (#7658)

ali, I'm glad u feel good! keep it up! Christine

Does anyone ever feel....
Posted by Crimson Razors on Mon May 28 06:12:57 2001 (#7640)

Hello I just felt like writing something here because I wondered if anyone shared the same feelings as me. Im not really sure how to say this but im a cutter and I want to stop I try to and sometimes I can go about a week or so without doing it..It use to be only a few days but when I stop I always feel like I am betraying my razors,as if they are not just lifeless objects but real things with feelings and emotions and that they are upset when I don't use them to help get my emotions out, In a way I feel that we help each other to deal with life and our inner feelings which we can't show to the world. I don't know maybe im crazy, but I just wanted to know if anyone shared this same feeling. Not just the cutters out there but any Self Injurer. -Crimson Razors

Re: Does anyone ever feel....
Posted by Melinda on Mon May 28 19:57:08 2001 (#7651)

Oh absolutely I feel that way. I have an intimate relationship with my knives. There's one kind of knife I use if I need comforting, there's another kind I use if I want to punish myself somehow. I'm extremely attached to them. I will often hold them or caress them before cutting - just doing that often soothes me - makes me feel calmer somehow.

I'm not a professional counselor or anything - but I wonder - is cutting the only time you 'express' your emotions? Maybe that feeling of betrayal you experience is not so much the cutting you're missing, but the expression of what you're feeling inside. I could be wrong on that - but I think that's part of what happens to me. I've been trying to at least label the emotions that make me want to cut before doing so - that way at least I understand what's going on a little more. Sometimes if I can label the feeling - and then wait 5 minutes before giving myself permission to cut - the desire to cut has lessened because I'm in touch with the feeling that drove me to do it in the first place.

I don't know if that makes sense or not, but maybe that'll help you a little. There's an article on the Coping section that lists the kinds of emotions that typically drive people to cut. I keep that list with me at all times, and pull it out when I want to SI. I can usually say "yeah, I'm feeling this or that" even if I don't really know why. We've spent so long trying to hide what we're feeling, it'll take a while to learn to listen to what's going on inside.

I'm proud of you for posting here - talking about what happens helps to break the secrecy hold that SI has on you. This is a place where you CAN show your inner feelings that you normally hide from the rest of the world. On this site, you'll find understanding, acceptance, and support. And I think that will help you on your journey to healing.

Peace,

Melinda

Re: Does anyone ever feel....
Posted by Crimson Razors on Tue May 29 04:00:11 2001 (#7670)

"I'm not a professional counselor or anything - but I wonder - is cutting the only time you 'express' your emotions? "

No, I can express some things like when Im having fun people know it, but that's about it I try and hide when im upset, and I have a VERY hard time with relationships, Im scared to get close to a person and I would rather push them as far away from me then let them in. Of corse I always upset myself that way because I want to be close to someone and have a good relationship but something inside me has this overwhelming power over me that makes me push people away...I think it's fear.

-Crimson Razors

P.S.: Thank you to everyone who responded to my post..it gives my mind a little peace.

Re: Does anyone ever feel....
Posted by black rose on Mon May 28 21:15:39 2001 (#7656)

I've felt like that b4...but not all the time...only sometimes! it's makes u nuts and feels like ur going insane or something! I g2g e-mail me! Christine

spiraling downward....
Posted by sara on Mon May 28 06:18:23 2001 (#7641)

i decided that maybe i should go back to therapy especially after my little thing last week but, yeah. its more of a matter of telling my parents and then getting there and having to actually talk...i know, in my heart, that things are getting worse and i need to stop them before things get this bad again..so yes, maybe i am ready to seek what i need and stop.

the whole 3 people who really know me haven't given up on me yet and i guess i can't either...

i am seriously scared about what could happen and yeah...that things don't get back to where they where....

i talked to a friend one night (rather interrupted her in her little 8 hours spew about her boyfriend) but she got mad and told me i was being a bad friend b/c i couldn't listen to her (i kind of blurted out what i tried to to that morning...she acted like i said nothing...all i wanted was someone to be a friend). what i told her...hmmm....it was bad and caused other things the next day when i went home...it can't happen againg.

i was scared, i am scared, i don't know what to do about her...i can't hurt her or me anymore....thanks again...sara

Guess Not...
Posted by Crimson Razors on Mon May 28 07:04:39 2001 (#7642)

Hmm.. I guess this means im crazy. Oh well I just wanted to know for sure. -Crimson Razors

Re: Guess Not...
Posted by tasha on Mon May 28 10:40:08 2001 (#7643)

No, it doesn't make you crazy. I think many of us get out feelings that we can't express in a similar way.

Re: Guess Not...
Posted by black rose on Mon May 28 21:18:25 2001 (#7657)

ur not crazy! ur not the only 1 that feels like that either! it' hard! Christine

Thank you º²§håñÑ䲺 , ali, and blackrose
Posted by Requiem on Mon May 28 10:40:37 2001 (#7644)

Thanks to º²§håñÑ䲺, ali, and blackrose. All three of you really helped pull me through. I am sorry I could not respond sooner, but unfortunately, my parents aren't always what you'd call understanding. But once again, you have my deepest thanks. I haven't cut since I read all 3 of your replies, and your suggestions really helped me through. Most of all, though, you just being here was what pulled me through the most. It's good to know I'm not alone.

*hugs* Thank you!

Requiem

Re: Thank you º²§håñÑ䲺 , ali, and blackrose
Posted by ali on Mon May 28 12:31:52 2001 (#7645)

Glad to know you're feeling better. You're a sweetie for writing this, it made my day!

Re: Thank you º²§håñÑ䲺 , ali, and blackrose
Posted by black rose on Mon May 28 21:10:32 2001 (#7655)

Requiem, we r always here to help u! I'm glad we can help and that ur feeling better! keep it up hun! Christine

Re: Thank you º²§håñÑ䲺 , ali, and blackrose
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Tue May 29 04:17:18 2001 (#7671)

I am sooooo glad that i coudl help!! yay! naytime you need some support, or if you just wana talk, email me!! PLEASE! take care! ~shanna

jess
Posted by ChrisE on Mon May 28 17:36:02 2001 (#7646)

Jess, you're not alone... I hope you read this and smile for me... xx

What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Mon May 28 18:17:28 2001 (#7648)

Last night, I observed something that I wish everyone on this board could have seen. We had the Calvary Boys Home from Devil’s Elbow, Missouri, visit in our church. I saw approximately 80 boys of different races from age 12 – 17 stand and give testimony to the very rescue that so many of you all need. I wept over and over again as I saw boys that were clean-shaven and neat with sport coats and ties and very disciplined and respectful. Each one of these boys was put here as a last chance. Many were on drugs, alcohol and under psychological counseling but were now healthy and happy. They stood and sang a new song and told a new story of their lives, referring to the trials that had brought them to this point. There were some that were abused by family members and just not wanted. There were some that were expelled from school for excessive fighting. There were some who had been in mental institutions and yet they stood with radiant smiles and sang to the glory of the Creator of their souls, the Healer of their bodies, and the Redeemer of their natures. They do not take medication there. They get plenty of rest, good healthy food, discipline, Bible study and prayer and guidance from people who REALLY care what happens to them. Every time a prayer was prayed in the service, each one of those boys knelt reverently and humbly before their Savior. It was an awesome sight and one I will not soon forget! I say again----THERE IS HOPE!!!!!!! I saw the evidence last night! I wished that I could rescue each and every one of you and take you to a place like that. Of course, you don’t HAVE to go to a place like that but the same principles that work for them can work for you if you will just the control of your life over to One Who cares so much for you that He gave His only Son to die for your sins. He wants to give you the same freedom of Spirit if you will let Him. I love you all in Jesus name!!

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Mon May 28 19:49:12 2001 (#7650)

Hey Linda,

Yeah - I'm an example of a life that's been drastically changed by the power of God. To think that the God of the universe cares about each of us so much, He actually knows the number of hairs on our head, and counts every tear we cry - that's just blows my mind. I once heard someone say that God is closer than the air that we breathe - and He's there even when we don't feel Him, or even if we don't really believe in Him.

But sometimes even knowing that truth isn't enough to stop me from SI'ing. In fact, I think being a Christian makes me feel worse about SI'ing - like it shows that my faith is weak or something. We all know the old saying "let go, let God" but I don't know how to get from God the same feeling that SI gives to me. Maybe I'm looking for the wrong kind of feeling - I don't know. I don't really know any other Christians who SI (if you guys are out there, I sure would like to hear from you!). There are so many things we just don't talk about in the church. I'd rather be real about where I am then just show up and wear my Sunday Smile and say everything is fine, you know? Of course, I also believe that God would rather have us be real too - to tell him what we're really feeling instead of saying what we think He wants to hear (it's not like He doesn't know what's in our hearts anyway!).

I do believe it's important to have all aspects of our lives healed - spiritual, physical, psychological, emotional, etc. I do take medication, and that seems to help. I think that God can work through the doctors to whom He has granted knowledge. And I'm in counseling - that helps too. I'm plugged into my church - and I'm growing in my faith daily. I'm not by any means a perfect Christian (I have yet to meet one!), but I am on a journey to perfection. Ha, I just sometimes wish I could get enrolled in an accelerated course! :)

Well, keep the faith, sister. Somehow, someday, God will work everything out for the good. Only He could do that - because I certainly wouldn't know how!

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Mon May 28 20:02:33 2001 (#7652)

((((((((Melinda)))))))) Bless your sweet heart!! God knows!!! You are so right about that and He alone knows what is needed in your life. You are on the right track and I applaud you for not wanting to just put on your Sunday smile! I was just talking with a sweet teenager from our church who really wants to do what God wants her too, but is just a little strong willed about wanting to try somethings that are not really good for her. Her comment was that no one really wants to listen to her side of it. How I know that one!! I was a questioner myself! But God made us too. I agree with you about the fact that God made the doctors and gave them knowledge. If medication is what is needed in your life I am not against it. My main reason for referring to the fact that the Calvary Boys Home does not use medication is to let people know that it can be done. I believe some of you think that medicine is the only answer. I just want to let you know that SOMETIMES it may not be the only answer. Love to all....and by the Melinda, there are other Christians on this board, so you are not alone in your struggle. (Oh yeah...I am not a self injurer myself, just a friend)

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Mon May 28 20:24:42 2001 (#7653)

I think it's great that you're here as a friend of a SI'er. Self Injury is a huge mystery to me - and it's something that I do. I can't imagine how confusing it must be to others who have never had the desire to SI. Your friend is lucky to have you in his/her life.

My Mom was visiting the other day (she lives in Dallas, I'm in Chicago) and I told her about the SI. It's something I've done since junior high school - and she was amazed that she'd never noticed it on me before. It's amazing how we're able to keep this kind of thing secret. I printed up some of the articles from this site for her - so at least she will understand a little more of what I go through. I think it's so important to have a support network around us - both of people who have been through what we're going through - and those who have not (they can still offer a listening ear - besides we usually don't want advice - we just want someone to validate our feelings and say that it's okay to feel the way we do).

Is your friend a Christian? I do believe in the power of prayer - but I also believe we have to choose to take the path of healing (as best as we can anyway). We won't walk it alone, but we do have to choose to take that first step. Somedays it's harder to choose that path than others - but it's a relief to know that God loves us even if we falter.

Peace,

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Mon May 28 21:24:31 2001 (#7659)

Yes, my friend is a Christian. That's exactly why I began to search for information myself. I could not understand what the motivation would be. I have come to the conclusion that this is something that can be habit forming but in the long run is no different from gluttony or any other thing we as humans do to extreme. I most certainly agree with you that it must be the individual that makes the decision and ACTS on his determination before we accomplish anything in overcoming habits, whatever they may be. Anotherwords, I do not believe that God chooses in most situations,though He could,to heal instantaneously. Most of the time it is a struggle but when we have accomplished the growth it takes to overcome, we are prepared to assist others who may have the same problem. I think it's great that you have shared with your Mom. I am sure she is going through a myriad of emotions as a result but we still have that verse that says, "ALL things work together for good to them that love the Lord..." God bless you as you struggle through this time of healing!

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Mon May 28 23:39:21 2001 (#7660)

Well seeing as I'm not Christian I guess I'm just doomed to suffer eh?

Drew :|

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 01:15:23 2001 (#7663)

Awwwwwwwww Drew! If someone told you that by drinking a glass set before you that you would get freedom from the curse of sin, would you drink it? If you never drank it, would that make the One who offered it bad? Would that make the ones who wanted to share with you malicious? You could always change your mind. It would be your choice. No one holds anything against anyone that chooses not to accept Christ. No one is pushing it on you. It is held out to you as a free gift.....IF YOU WANT IT. If you took it, we would rejoice with you, but if you don't we will have to grieve at all you are missing. Jesus loves you. Sorry that offends! Through Him, I love you too.

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Tue May 29 20:19:25 2001 (#7680)

Well, actually we all suffer - whether we call ourselves Christians or not. My life isn't any easier because of my faith - actually it's harder because the world tells me I'm crazy, close-minded, weak, etc. It's hard to live in a world that doesn't accept your beliefs. Sometimes it makes me feel even more alone. But it's times like that I try to remind myself that I really am not alone. Being a Christian doesn't mean you won't suffer - but it does mean that you have God to comfort you and carry you through. I wouldn't even be alive today if it weren't for God's love.

Peace and *hugs*

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by *me* on Tue May 29 03:08:04 2001 (#7665)

Hey Melinda, I just wanted to let you know that I'm Christian. Cuz you said you didn't know any...well here I am!! lol.

Lots of love

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Tue May 29 20:21:57 2001 (#7681)

Hey *me* - good to hear from you! Let me ask you - have you told anyone in your church about your SI'ing? Or have you felt like you need to keep it a secret because people just wouldn't understand? Have you talked to God about it? What is that conversation like? Do you think it's a sin to SI? You're the first Christian I've talked to who SI's, so I'm just wondering what it's like for you. Thanks for speaking up. :)

Peace,

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by *me* on Wed May 30 02:08:51 2001 (#7688)

I haven't told anyone I SI. I think it'd be really nice to talk to one of my priests or something, bc they can't tell, but I don't know how and I'm not all that super duper close personally to them. What about you? Have you told anyone?

I don't talk to God about my SIing. Sometimes I pray to God to help me feel normal. I don't know. When I'm just feeling really awful I ask God to help me.

I don't think SIing is a sin. Why do you think it would be?

Lots of love

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Wed May 30 20:31:36 2001 (#7703)

I've told a couple of my Christian friends, and even wrote a letter to a couple of my pastors about it (I attend a very large church, so I felt safe that they wouldn't actually know who I was). I think it's important to get the subject out there, but I'm also very careful about who I reveal it to. Many just don't understand what drives us to SI, so their reactions are sometimes harmful rather than helpful.

The few Christian friends I've told have been very supportive. Although they don't know what it's like to want to cut, they do all battle with addictions to food - and they've each said when they really want to eat something they shouldn't, they have a tiny glimpse into what I experience when I get the urge to cut, but try to fight it off. Not that overeating is the same as cutting - but it made me feel good that they tried to find some way to relate my struggle to their own lives. It was an effort to find a common ground instead of just telling me to stop the behavior. I think it's so important to have people that support you instead of being surrounded by people who try to 'fix' you.

As for wondering if it's a sin - I was just wondering if it's like any other sin committed against the body (sex outside the bonds of marriage, etc) that is harmful to the temple of the Holy Spirit. Some have told me that I shouldn't harm my 'temple' but I find that guilt isn't a very good motivator to stop a behavior. In fact, it just makes me feel worse for doing it. I'd rather work to understand what drives me to cut instead of just trying to stop the cutting without addressing my core issues. So - I guess if I'm engaging in something that I really don't want to (all the time anyway - obviously I want to do it at the time I SI), that God will honor that and meet me where I am. I guess it's like any other self-destructive behavior that Christians engage in - we're not perfect so we're going to have struggles.

It did help me to tell some people in my church about it, though. Maybe you could pray about whether or not to tell the Priests. If you feel like they'd be a safe resource for you, I'd encourage you to do it. One thing I have learned is that this is a battle that cannot be won alone.

Peace,

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by elle on Tue May 29 04:57:10 2001 (#7675)

i so wished you could have talked to colin (strider). he's awsome. i have never met someone with so much faith. and he is a cutter.

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 15:02:16 2001 (#7677)

And don't forget Doris. She too was a born again believer.

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Tue May 29 20:41:46 2001 (#7684)

I'm a christan, i went to catholic school for 5 years, went to church every week, prayed every morning, but now that i have left my relgious school, i feel like i cant be christan anymore cause of my SI-ing, i mean i still belive in God and such, i just dont think i am worth Gods time..or somthing..so i dont pray anymore, i feel that since i SI...i dont deserve my God anymore...yeah well..i duno...my heads messed up...thats what i have grown to know..~shanna

Shanna
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 21:57:28 2001 (#7685)

Oh my!! Every time I read another one of these posts, I just want to reach out and hug you guys. Just remember, I am 55 years old so I just want to mother everyone. Sweetheart, I am so happy to tell you that not only do you not deserve your God but neither does anyone else. When I speak of being a Christian, I do not mean that a person is religious. I mean, by definition, a person who has come to the place of realizing their sinful condition and accepting the fact that Jesus, who was all God and all man, came and gave His life for our sins. He did it willingly and He offers it freely to all who will just believe. It is so simple that it is hard. I hope you understand what I mean by that. But when you come to that place in your life that you recognize your need and ask for His forgiveness, accepting His sacrificial death for yours, then begins a most exciting journey. I pray many times when Satan confronts me with my lack of worthiness BUT I must fight with God's word, that promises that He will never leave me nor forsake me. You see, He hears me because of the work He did on the cross, not the work that I do. I could never do enough. Nothing could replace the blood in my body, sinners blood, with the pure, holy blood of my Savior. But I can be covered by it in God's sight. And so I accepted it many years ago. I can tell you that it gets sweeter as the years go by. ((((((((((((((((Shanna)))))))) )))))))))

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Maggie on Wed May 30 07:27:22 2001 (#7695)

Me too. Since I left starting Uni (where there are mostly atheists) after spending 13 years at a Catholic school, it's really hard to feel you belong to the church again. Especially with all the bad things I've done since starting Uni, like SIing. I just don't feel I have the right to stroll back into the Christian community now I've left it.

Maggie
Posted by Linda on Wed May 30 17:27:41 2001 (#7701)

"Religion" will make you feel that way, as if you have to "DO" things to be worthy of a place in the community. That is why I HATE "Religion".....it is a deceiver!!! I hope that you came to the place that I referred to in the post to Shanna that you confessed your need for a Savior and accepted His forgiveness. If you did that then let me tell you that at the point that you accepted Him, here is what He did.......He looked at your life from beginning to end, past, present and future and He said, in essence, I accept this person....ALL that she has done and ever will do.......I accept her into my family because she has thrown herself on the altar of my Son's sacrifice. I can not refuse her because my Son gave Himself for ALL who will accept. From that point forward, God the Father sees you as perfect because He views you through His Son. Ok....then what do we do with the sins we commit following that time of conversion.......I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness." We confess them daily without a chance that they will not be forgiven......they have already been forgiven but at that point we are dealing with maturing. In the same way that you as your parents child may be "at odds" with them because of your actions, nothing you can ever do will make you not your father's child. I mean if DNA tests were run, you would STILL be your father's child. When you accept Jesus, you become a child of God and nothing will ever remove you from that position. "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 Did you see it? Nothing can separate us because of the love God has for us as a result of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Maggie.....if you are a part of the Christian community, you have every right to stroll back in. The Christian community consists of nothing but sinners!!! ((((((((((Maggie)))))))))))))) ) I wish you all would remember that nothing you have ever done has surprised God. He knows you and you hide nothing from Him. BUT He will accept you anyway, because of Jesus' blood.....you see how important blood is!!!!

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Wed May 30 20:38:08 2001 (#7705)

Hey Maggie,

I've felt that way too at times. There have been seasons in my life that I walked away from the church and took some paths that would shock most of my family if they even knew! I struggled with whether or not I could get back into church because I felt like I needed to get my act together and be more presentable to God before going before Him. But then I remembered Jesus' words that said He came to heal the sick - He came for the ones that truly needed Him. I finally reached a place of total brokenness that I went to God and said "I have nothing to give You but this mess I've made of my life. Will you take me back?". And He embraced me with love, mercy & forgiveness like I'd never known.

The truth of it is that none of us deserves to be in the presence of God. That's why He had to make a way for us - through His Son. And that's why His grace is so amazing - it's bigger than our sin, and He gives it freely. It's hard to accept that - that it's free love with no strings attached. But that's what it is. Perhaps you're not ready to run back into God's arms, but I encourage you to tell Him how you feel. He knows your heart anyway, but sometimes it helps to get those feelings out in the open. And wait to see what God does. He does promise that He will be found by all those who earnestly seek Him.

Peace,

Melinda

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Linda on Wed May 30 21:47:38 2001 (#7707)

What a weight your message carried over mine, Melinda, since you know exactly what these people have experienced. I have prayed for someone to do just exactly what you have done with this post!! Thank you for being an answer to prayer. God will bless your faithfulness!

Re: What's at Devil's Elbow???
Posted by Melinda on Wed May 30 23:37:01 2001 (#7710)

Oh I wouldn't say mine carried more weight than yours - our words are different, but the message is the same. One thing that has come out of my brokenness is that I know how to reach out to the hurting, because I'm hurting too. My words are spoken through the pain I have experienced, and through the hope of healing I know I will eventually experience one day. Somedays I feel the pain more than the hope for healing, but it's times like that that I'm thankful for a place like this! Keep those prayers coming. :)

Peace.

Melinda

Linda and Melinda
Posted by Maggie on Sat Jun 2 11:38:58 2001 (#7763)

Linda and Melinda,

You both are very sweet to reply to me. You both said some really good points... thank you! I do pray every night, but I really do feel like I'm talking to a wall. I know he forgives me, but i still feel undeserving of his attention. To be honest, I have lost so much faith. And it doesn't help that most of my friends are atheist at university. We always have 'religious' debates, and I argue in favour of a God, and their argument against one always wins. I just have no proof for them, and they make me feel stupid for believing.

But I'll continue praying for all you guys, just in case someone is listening.

HUGS TO YOU BOTH! Luv Maggie.

Maggie
Posted by Linda on Sun Jun 3 03:42:02 2001 (#7780)

You know, faith in the Bible speaks of believing in something you can not prove. You exercise it in so many ways in the natural world. For instance, you don't normally stop and give a lot of consideration to whether a chair will hold you up....you just sit down. That is faith in something that you don't know positively about but you have tried it so many times and proven it to be reasonable that you do it effortlessly. It is the same way with faith. The more you read your Bible and think about the things you read and put them into action; the more you see prayers that you have prayed being answered, your faith grows as a result. It is a timely process. Don't expect that over night you will be FULL of faith. If you begin to read your Bible, you will see great men of God who saw great answers to prayers and miracles and then in a short while began to experience a lack of faith. For instance, I am so amused about the great prophet Elijah in I Kings 18 who challenged King Ahab and Queen Jezebeel because they had led Israel into idolatry. He called for the Baal worshippers to meet on a mountain. His instructions were to the prophets of Baal that they were to make an altar and put a sacrifice on it and call to their God to set the sacrifice on fire. Whichever God answered by fire was to be declared the God of Israel. These priests of Baal prayed and danced and ,by the way, cut themselves...all in an effort to appease their God. When they could get no results, Elijah had an altar built, had a trench dug around the altar, had water poured over the sacrifice until the animal, wood and altar was soaked, then stepped to the side and in a short prayer....oh I have to put it down here....."Lord God of Abraham and Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that thou art God in Israel,and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these things at thy word. Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again."........and the following verse says: "Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench." Isn't that amazing...and you would think that a Godly man like that would never be faithless, but in just a few short verses, Queen Jezebel has threatened his life and we see a man beset with self-pity and depression just like the rest of us. Maggie, we are all the same. Our faith is strong one day and weak the next BUT......God is still the same!!! He never changes. Your faith is well-founded in Him. By the way, in an earlier post, I recommended to you that were trying to prove to yourselves that this Christian faith is real, a couple of books called "Evidence That Demands A Verdict", Vol. I & II, by Josh McDowell. These are tremendous books by a man who as a college student set out to proved Christianity a hoax and instead became a born again believer. Hope you grow stronger and stronger!! In Christian love, Linda

why dosen't anyone from bus answer my emails
Posted by nick on Mon May 28 19:10:22 2001 (#7649)

i sent an email to everyone from bus and no one answers me i guess i'm not important.i always new i wasn't

Re: why dosen't anyone from bus answer my emails
Posted by black rose on Mon May 28 21:02:27 2001 (#7654)

Nick, ur important! maybe they didnt get around to e-mailing u yet or something...hang in there! we're always here 4 u! Christine

Re: why dosen't anyone from bus answer my emails
Posted by Drew on Mon May 28 23:41:01 2001 (#7661)

bus????

Re: why dosen't anyone from bus answer my emails
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Tue May 29 04:28:19 2001 (#7673)

um...whody what? i am confussed?

eating disorders
Posted by insignificant other on Tue May 29 00:33:18 2001 (#7662)

hey i was just wondering, does anyone know any decent websites with help about eating disorders? i used to be bullimic and im having so much trouble staying out of it. or does anyone know good info about it?

thanx love and prayers pippa

Re: eating disorders
Posted by Di on Wed May 30 18:21:00 2001 (#7702)

http://www.healthyplace.com/Co mmunities/Eating_Disorders/Sit e/index.htm

Healthyplace.com Eating Disorders Community I go there all the time. Very helpful and supportive, lot's of good info.

Re: eating disorders
Posted by beautiful and dying on Thu May 31 19:21:55 2001 (#7726)

www.mirror-mirror.org

(very good)

www.something-fishy.org

(also very good)

good luck fighting xxxxxx

peeps i'm very worried about melissa
Posted by *me* on Tue May 29 03:11:37 2001 (#7666)

Has ANYONE heard from her??? I hope she's ok. I've been so worried about her.

Re: peeps i'm very worried about melissa
Posted by black rose on Tue May 29 03:41:35 2001 (#7667)

OMG no I haven't heard from her!!! I hope she responds soon!! she's getting me worried 2!!! I hope she's fine!!!

Re: peeps i'm very worried about melissa
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Tue May 29 04:30:02 2001 (#7674)

no i haven't heard, but if anyone does, they shoudl post it!!! oh i really really hope she's alright, i'm praying she's ok....ooh!~shanna

sleep well, sweet redemption
Posted by girl on Tue May 29 11:02:03 2001 (#7676)

"but i dont have the right to be with you tonight so please leave me alone with no savior in sight i will sleep safe and sound with nobody around me...and if i cannot sleep for the secrets i keep its the price im willing to meet" catatonia

i cant breathe like this anymore its so heavy and so this is how life is im not special iam ugly plain and dumb and ive tried so hard yet not at all and still nothing is enough but everything is too much so i must suffer because iam not good enough, there is only so much blood. i have broken the lock and now here i am so prepared my sound track in the stereo and im ready. fuck im scared, this is it the end of the line. sleep well.there is nothing more to say, please forgive me,balls of fire in my skull, tell me this is war, am i ready?,iam ready!why do they say it is such a silly thing to do?

"its time to leave its time to steal away...these smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun" red hot chilli peppers

Re: sleep well, sweet redemption
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 15:09:36 2001 (#7678)

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Re: sleep well, sweet redemption
Posted by Chrystyne on Sat Jun 2 07:25:38 2001 (#7760)

Linda you might not remember me.I used to come here.You always talked about god.I am on a spiritual mission now and trying to find a force greater than me to belive in.I relize religion can help.Thanx

Re: sleep well, sweet redemption
Posted by Linda on Sun Jun 3 03:10:50 2001 (#7779)

Keep searching and the truth will lead you to the one true God!! It is a wonderful discovery. If you need any help on the journey, please email me!

Re: sleep well, sweet redemption
Posted by black rose on Wed May 30 02:20:29 2001 (#7689)

hun, ur special...ur not dumb or ne thing like that! it's not the end of the line! u have ppl here that care alot about u! please don't do ne thing "stupid"...please!!! christine

feeling worthless
Posted by katie on Tue May 29 15:47:44 2001 (#7679)

hello to anyone out there i'm katie i've posted here once befor and no one responded meanly so i've returned. i'm feeling very worthless and have sliced the hell out of myself and it didn't help, normally that does. i have that feeling when you hit rock bottem and the rocks start falling on top of you.well hopefullty none of you have ever felt that way but thats the way i feel. ok well thanks for letting me type my troubles. and to the peopol;e who responded to my first posting thanks it meant alot

~katie

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by Melinda on Tue May 29 20:24:52 2001 (#7682)

Hi Katie

You're not alone in your feelings of worthlessness. I feel that way sometimes too. Like my life is pointless, useless, hopeless, and I'm just not worth anything at all. People tell me that's not true - but often their words don't override my feelings. So I won't try to 'fix' you with words or anything. I'll just give you a big *HUG* and let you know that sometimes I feel worthless too.

Peace,

Melinda

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by º²§håñÑ䲺 on Tue May 29 20:32:28 2001 (#7683)

i know how you feel, that feeling of absolute worthlessness, you feel as though it will never get any better, and it can only get worse, and you wanna give up....and nothing can make it better, not even cutting. yup i have been feeling that for a while now, but i just keep going, pushing through and somtimes it does get better.

i'm sorry that you feel this way, its horrible i woudl never wish this on anyone, but keep pushing through! you can make it, just stay strong, it WILL get better even though it doesn't seem like it...take care! ~shanna

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by Linda on Tue May 29 22:05:47 2001 (#7686)

==* Here's a hand outstretched to you, Katie. (Well, it was a pretty feeble attempt to make a symbol of one) But anyway, just pretend you are reaching out to it right now. I wish I could just hold your hand and comfort you until you could understand. Let me assure you that you nor anyone else on this board is worthless....no matter how many times you hear it in your head, YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!! It's a lie. God cared enough to give His very best, His only Son, just for you!!!

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by Tara's Mom on Wed May 30 01:03:28 2001 (#7687)

Hi Katie, I'm Tara's mom. She cuts also and has depression and A.D.D. There were plenty of times when she felt the same way. Do your parents know what you do? I'm sorry, I didn't read your first post. I mainly just wanted to let you know that nobody is worthless! We are all here for a reason. Some of us know what it is and some don't. Whenever Tara gets to feeling bad, she comes to me and I try to help. Sometimes I just have to let her work it out for herself. If you don't have anyone to talk to, please e-mail me and I'll listen. I have heard just about everything when Tara was at a really bad point in her life, so you wouldn't have to feel like cutting back on the venting and rage if that's what you need at the time. Also, keep posting on this board. There are lots of people like you who talk and support each other. They know how you really feel. Take care and remember to e-mail if you want an old fogy to listen to you. Love, Tara's Mom

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by *me* on Wed May 30 02:20:45 2001 (#7690)

Katie, I know how you feel. I feel worthless all the time. Like the whole entire world would be a better place if I had never been born. But try to stay strong because from time to time you do feel meaningful..and then you realize that people care about you and love you and hope that you achieve all of your dreams.

I don't know how your friends are, but sometimes when I get really depressed and feel that way, I call one of my friends. They don't know that I feel like this or that I SI or anything, but just hearing them sometimes makes me feel a little better. Or I post here. Or I write in a journal. I find that journaling really helps me. And of course I cut. I don't care that that sounds crazy, cutting helps me more than anything. So cut if you have to, but just be careful not to do anything rash.

I'm sorry if I don't reply to things. I sometimes don't know what to say.

Lots of love

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by black rose on Wed May 30 02:29:18 2001 (#7692)

Katie, a few of us have hit rock bottom and felt like u do...it's certainly not the best feeling in the world! I wish that u didn't slice urself ^...I hope ur feeling better now though! keep posting and tell us how u feel about things...and maybe a lil more about urself! Christine

Re: feeling worthless
Posted by Sharon on Thu May 31 03:10:54 2001 (#7718)

Sweetie, most of us had/have days where we feel like there's rock bottom, sixty feet of junk, and then me, so I think we can all relate. I'm sorry that you're feeling that right now, but YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!!! You are wanted, and needed, and loved. And you are a beautiful princess in God's eyes. Hang in there, ok?

hugs,

Sharon

Re: Tara's mom
Posted by Chrystyne on Sat Jun 2 07:19:14 2001 (#7759)

I think it is so awsom you are there for your daughter!It would be awsome if my mom would take the time to understand me.She's supportive to an extent,she empathyses w/ me but she doesn't truly understand.I think shes afraid of what she might uncover. You can help your daughter so much after getting to know more.SI isn't just something crazy ppl do.Everyday ppl do it and some of them are the sweetest ppl.

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