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Threads 1751 to 1800

<3
Posted by Doris on Wed May 2 07:33:30 2001 (#7061)

I love you guys.

I just wanted you to know that. It feels like you're the only ones who truly understand me. Thanks for being there. :)

Doris

Re: <3
Posted by elle on Wed May 2 13:42:01 2001 (#7065)

i love you too Doris!

iamelleandsheismine.

elle
Posted by Doris on Wed May 2 18:33:58 2001 (#7080)

Are you okay, hun? I've been worried about you.

Re: elle
Posted by elle on Wed May 2 20:31:47 2001 (#7083)

no, not really...i have lost all motivation to do anything with myself. i have this one really great teacher though who has been through depression so she is the reason i live. yeah, just so [words fail to convey the massive expanse of emotion]

i no longer know what i am doing with myserf

Re: <3
Posted by *me* on Wed May 2 22:07:22 2001 (#7090)

I FEEL THE SAME WAY! I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!

i've been thinking...
Posted by greymouse on Wed May 2 15:14:48 2001 (#7067)

...and theres something i,d like to share with you.if none of us where self harming what would we be doing instead? and the only real difference to self harm and smoking is that smoking is socially acceptable so maybe SI is good and maybe even normal:) but anyway you seem like great peaple and i was wondering what was your fave bands. mine are; coldplay,stereophonics,manic street preachers,stabbing westward and amen.

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by tabitha on Wed May 2 16:45:46 2001 (#7070)

my favourites are, in order of preference, manic street preachers, smashing pumpkins, the smiths, hole, and the clash. music is the highlight of my life, without question. (a bit sad, i know).

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by Kate on Wed May 2 17:17:15 2001 (#7071)

You are so right. I wish people just sat around and cut with each other. I know that sounds sick, but I wish it were socially acceptable.

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by gurl on Wed May 2 23:59:41 2001 (#7097)

that doesn't sound sick.....i wish that peopld could just sit around and cut with each other too. i don't understand...i think that it should be socially acceptable...it is just what we do to deal with stuff..

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by Doris on Wed May 2 18:29:43 2001 (#7078)

I write poetry instead of cutting. It's very cathartic for me.

My fav bands are They Might Be Giants, Counting Crows, Bob Dylan, and Aerosmith. :)

Doris

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Wed May 2 23:01:49 2001 (#7093)

Thats how i feel! Its just like drinking, some people drink to deal with there issues, we cut, but for some reason cutting seems worse to soicety, ANYWHO- i like Blink182, Papa Raoch, No Doubt, Kittie, and..i dont a lot more, ~Shanna

oh manics...
Posted by beautiful and dying on Wed May 2 23:58:48 2001 (#7096)

manics idlewild hole the clash smashing pumpkins feeder and a million others...yey! i have written nearly exactly what you wrote in my diary a few times...just think, cutting is all socially constructed, it's not us, it's the damn society placing a stigma on it. love and lemonade hels]xxxxxxx

Re: i've been thinking...
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 10:46:49 2001 (#7155)

I used to smoke...I quit when I got in an a capella group in school but that didn't work out this year...I didn't used to smoke b/c of stress but have sometimes this year when really stressed...I drink some, but haven't gotten really drunk ever since I ran into a problem with it (drank a bottle of gross liquere, some vodka, wine, beer.....in other words, don't have different kinds of drinks all at once, especially on an empty stomach)...now I scratch more than cut and that's about it about that...

as for music, it's: Metallica, Live (Secret Samahdi album only), some Smashing Pumpkins, some Fiona Apple, sometimes No Doubt, Staind, some Aerosmith, Bush...that's what I listen to...I sing musical stuff...weird, one extreme or another

Question for everyone
Posted by gurl on Wed May 2 17:42:34 2001 (#7072)

Are all of you actually dignosed with something?

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by tabitha on Wed May 2 18:13:08 2001 (#7073)

no, i am too scared to go to the doctor or tell anyone about this even though i think i should because i really dont think i'm getting any better since i've been doing this for nearly four years and am so tempted to start again so i guess i should go and see someone professional. all i know is that it makes me feel better when i am stressed or upset, thats all i can say

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by Doris on Wed May 2 18:32:52 2001 (#7079)

I think you should see a doctor, tabitha. It's always better to know.

My diagnosis (as I posted earlier) is Severe Major Depression Disorder with Psycotic Symptoms and traces of OCD.

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by anona1 on Wed May 2 20:56:28 2001 (#7084)

no...I don't like doctors, therapists or most people for that matter enough to be diagnosed...who cares if there's a label for it...I don't want drugs just to make me happier or anything and know I'm really not

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Wed May 2 23:03:47 2001 (#7094)

My therapist says i am Depressed, i duno, she said i'm not severly, but also not mildly, right in the middle, yup yup yup ~Shanna

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by Jue on Thu May 3 00:13:16 2001 (#7098)

The doctor told me Anxiety Depression. But they think it is probably more like Borderline Personality Disorder. If get worse i have to go back. My therapist is very cool though and says that labels don't matter it is dealing with the disorder. It sucks though because personality disorders are not fixed with medication you just have to deal in daily life better. take care. it doesn't matter what you have as long as you get help.Love julie

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by jeni on Thu May 3 00:45:36 2001 (#7100)

Schizo-affective disorder, depressed type.

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by elle on Thu May 3 01:32:32 2001 (#7102)

OCD, DID, depression, anxiety...

what exactly is borderline? many have tried to explain to me and i just dont get it.

Borderline Personality Disorder
Posted by Jue on Thu May 3 23:25:56 2001 (#7124)

I'm not entirely sure why they say 'borderline' it may be because those affected seem pretty normal until they let you into their head. Characteristics are: unresonable, unexplainable mood swings, anxiety type feelings, distrust, never want to be alone but push people away. I want to be alone a lot but it bugs me when i have to be. Anyhow i hope that helps.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 00:11:37 2001 (#7133)

i kinda always feel like all those things. and i dont have borderline...thanks though

Re: Question for everyone
Posted by claire on Wed May 9 21:47:17 2001 (#7310)

borderline personality disorder, depression and post traumatic stress disorder

it feels like being new again...
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Wed May 2 21:02:38 2001 (#7085)

i havent visited for a long time coz i have been trying really hard not to cut, i have had a bit of a rough time (i constantly think about cutting and slashin my wrists) but looking at all the new names I DONT KNOW ANYONE!!!!!! all the 'oldies' have left including one who will always remain in my heart strider, i know he wont get to read this but for all those who didnt know him, he was one of the most amazing and brave ppl i know. after i stopped coming here i used to chat to him on MSN and he was always there to help me out. it didnt matter wot he was doin he still had the time to talk to me and i think we should all remember him, i think doris, yea you knew him and if im right he helped you a lot so you proberbly know wot i mean when i say he was incredable! i have never know of a guy that strong emotionally. i never met him, he lives on the other side of the ocean to me but i feel like he is here with me all the time, willing me to beat sefl harm and i am trying (5 WEEKS!!!!), those of you that new him PLEASE never forget that wonderful guy! and for those of you that never had the chance to meet him, he will visit when he gets a computer, if you remember this post then tell him i say HI!.

Sorry for ranting on but i wanted to share this with you as i miss him loads *sniff* im gonna stop there coz i cant see the keyboard properly!!!1

love and hope amanda

Re: it feels like being new again...
Posted by elle on Wed May 2 21:17:38 2001 (#7086)

i hope he gets a computer soon. i was really just starting to get to know him, he is a wonderful person. probably one of the most incredible souls i have ever talked to before. Lost and Lonely, I remeber when you were here before, i used to post under a different name. if you ever wanna talk you can IM me at AIM under "Cutter Elle"

Re: it feels like being new again...
Posted by LOST on Wed May 2 21:39:00 2001 (#7087)

i remember u too ;)... AND u scared me for a while cuz the way u were talking about colin made it seem like he was dead... and i got scared... but then i read the bottom :)

Re: it feels like being new again...
Posted by Sorry LOST... on Sun May 6 20:46:56 2001 (#7248)

i didnt mean to make it sound like he was dead i was just so upset about him leaving it almost felt like he had, i used to chat to him most nights on msn messenger and it feels really strange not being able to talk to him. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: it feels like being new again...
Posted by Doris on Thu May 3 04:50:13 2001 (#7107)

You are SO right, girl. Colin's one in a million. :)

drew (aka thecutthatneverheals)
Posted by lys on Wed May 2 22:31:44 2001 (#7092)

I never knew about your ribs until I read that post up there. I am sorry that you were hurt, and I am sorry that I am the one who pushed you to that, but I am even more sorry for the fact that I know how you feel and I still let you feel it. I don't know how much of that makes sense, but I am tired and not really with it right now, so please bear with me.

Now, I guess people are going to read this and go 'what the hell is going on here', so I will explain. Drew and I were going out from October 15 until just before Christmas. There were a lot of reasons in my mind as to why I broke up with Andrew but none of them adequitely express the pain and the stress being in a relationship - any relationship- at that point caused. Drew (as he stated above) loved me, and I don't know how I felt about him. Anyone here who understands what it is like to be borderline and out of control would probably explain it better than me, but I couldn't keep on leading him (and even more so myself) on. It wasn't fair.

I am writing this here because I could never explain this to drew in person, and since I know that he will probably read this at some point, maybe he will better understand me and what happened between us.

everyone take care, and I will talk later...

anybody there?
Posted by Selene on Thu May 3 00:38:52 2001 (#7099)

I dont think ive ever felt so alone. I feel like my entire being is fake. Is that possible? Is this one huge nightmare thats not gonna end until I die and then I'll wake up? How do they expect me to get better when I cant even handle my own thoughts and actions? Can anyone relate? It's like I can see everyone going on with thier lives and im stuck in some time warp, I see happiness but I just cant feel it. Does anyone know what im talking about? Please tell me someone does, Im desperate at this point. ~Selene

Re: anybody there?
Posted by Jeni on Thu May 3 00:57:54 2001 (#7101)

I can relate Selene. I feel the same way. Totally lost and alone. I feel like everybody's got an instruction manual for life except for me. My feelings are so screwed up I dont know what I am feeling. I cant stop cutting and thinking about cutting. I dont know the way out of this "time warp". Just know you are not alone. Take care. ---Jeni

Re: anybody there?
Posted by Doris on Thu May 3 04:53:00 2001 (#7108)

I know exactly how you feel. It's horrible and scary but it gets better. I used to feel like that all the time and now I'm all better. I wish you the same luck I had. Lots of love

Doris

long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by thecutthatneverheald(Drew) on Thu May 3 02:36:50 2001 (#7103)

OH FUCK! where to begin, ok.. lets see, first of all No I'm not dead, although I was closer than I've ever been :) Any-who I suppose I should tell you what happen. Ok : after I posted the note I crawled up to bed for a nice slow death. I remember passing out after that I don't really know what hapend. I'm here now so either my blood clotted or my mum walked in the room and got me to the hospital. I honestly don't know, I don't even remember wakeing up. all I know is I'm here now and as soon as I was phisicly able to walk around and check the comp. I read ALL the messages that I missed, man that took a long time.

OK, I would like to thank all of you for caring and praying for me(the riligus ones) umm, I'm really sorry I kind of left you all hanging there. I'll try to not do it again just for the reason of I hate my life(I will try)

You're support has been surprizing and welcome and I just wish I could respond to all the post from people who need help, but I just don't have that kinda time all at once.

sorry for going on but there are a few more matters that I need to address. ok I'm back and I will try to help you all nomater how hipicriticall my advise may seam (lol, I can't spell) and one more thing.

Lys, I really don't know what to say, I was crying as I read your post. I'm just at a loss for words exept, Thank You. (still a few tears left)

Drew :)

Re: long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by Drew on Thu May 3 02:39:45 2001 (#7104)

ooops, I spelt my name wrong.lol

Re: long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by black rose on Thu May 3 03:25:26 2001 (#7105)

OMG! you had me soo worried! I'm soo glad to hear that ur ok now! please come to me ne time u need help or some1 to talk to! I'm always here! Christine

Re: long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by Doris on Thu May 3 04:55:12 2001 (#7109)

Welcome back, Drew. I'm so happy you're okay. Thanks for posting! *Whew!*

Re: long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by Jue on Thu May 3 23:29:35 2001 (#7126)

I am very happy that you are all right. Please be safe for yourself even though i worry too.

Re: long story but I'll try to keep it brief
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 15:38:37 2001 (#7160)

glad you made it...sorry I haven't replied to your other messages...I've just been trapped in my own head too much lately

Just Wondering...
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Thu May 3 04:34:42 2001 (#7106)

huLLo all, i was just wondering if there is anyone as young as me on here? I'm 14, 15 in like 10 days WAHOO! haha, ok so How old is everyone?? okie...well buh bye

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by Doris on Thu May 3 04:56:11 2001 (#7110)

and Happy Birthday :)

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by Drew on Thu May 3 06:36:28 2001 (#7111)

18 here, 19 in July

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by gurl on Thu May 3 17:50:39 2001 (#7117)

i am 15

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by LOST on Thu May 3 20:10:54 2001 (#7119)

17.... 18 in 11 days i think... whens ur b-day??? mines may 14 :) u better not have the same b-day as me or i'll have to kick u in ur big toe!! :)

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Thu May 3 20:46:34 2001 (#7121)

haha, my birthay is May 13th...its on freakin mothers day this year, yuck, i like it when its on Friday the 13th...OOooo

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by LOST on Thu May 3 22:23:09 2001 (#7123)

ur b-day is one day before mine! why r u trying to copy me for? :) yeah... ur b-day will be on mothers day every 10 yrs girl. It was on mothers day when u were 5.... it will be when ur 15, 25, 35, 45. Mine was on mothers day last year... it happens to me with the 7's.. (17, 27, 37.... ) anyways, may 13th is my friends b-day too. alright bye bye

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by Jue on Thu May 3 23:37:18 2001 (#7128)

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by elle on Thu May 3 23:52:21 2001 (#7130)

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by *me* on Fri May 4 02:56:28 2001 (#7135)

Re: Just Wondering...
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 10:18:44 2001 (#7153)

thanks :)
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Thu May 3 06:38:10 2001 (#7112)

thanks guys :) (and girls)

Re: thanks :)
Posted by black rose on Sat May 5 04:10:45 2001 (#7223)

ne time u need some1 to talk to we're always here 4 u! Christine

a little advice?
Posted by Reflection_in_the_blade on Thu May 3 19:51:49 2001 (#7118)

Hey, i used to post on here reguarly almost a year ago now, but i stopped cutting for nine months. I *knew* that it was likely i'd cut again sometimes but i never thought i'd end up really addicted again. I met a wonderful man (been together 11 months now) and quite often he will cut me himself so he can check the depth. Thing is my cutting doesn't bother me or him, we both quite like it. He has began to cut himself also, and sometimes likes me to cut him but only when we are together and when we feel safe.

**The Question** - should i put an end to it even though we both like it?

I think i have made up my mind but i'd love some outside opinion Thanks,

~M~

(http://www.envy.nu/sla tted)

Re: a little advice?
Posted by LOST on Thu May 3 20:20:26 2001 (#7120)

did u say HE cuts YOU to check the depth????????? and well... i don't think its a GOOD thing that u guys do that to eachother.... BUT if u guys don't have a problem with it at all, then do ur thang! People have wierd things that they do... and i guess thats just yours. See, i used to have this best friend (who i met in a hospital) but we used to kick it for a year or two and we used to have cutting "sessions" where we would sit next to eachother and cut ourselves and talk and stuff OR we would sit there and cut eachother and talk... She's the only person i ever did that with. Well we arent friends anymore (she ran away one day and hasn't been heard from since then-- which was a few yrs ago-- i have a feeling she's dead) ANYWAY after she disappeared and i got used to her being gone, i realized that the relationship we had was TOTALLY not healthy and that not having her around did me WAY better in the long run... i struggled with cutting a little bit longer and after a while i stopped all together... i realized that her being there and doing these things WITH me prolonged my fight against it. So i think that if u DON'T want to stop cutting, then keep being with him... but if u REALLY want to stop.... get rid of him because u'll NEVER quit while he's around... but thats just my opinion...

Re: a little advice?
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Thu May 3 20:52:43 2001 (#7122)

Well...if you want to stop, then i would say you try and stop doing it with him, i dont think you need to like break up or what not, but if you really want to stop, you have to do it for yourself, even if this person you care alot about wants you to...you need to decide if ya wanna stop, and if you do...stop! or try to..and doing this will not help the process of stopping ~shanna

Re: a little advice?
Posted by Advice on Thu May 3 23:33:35 2001 (#7127)

i don;t know what reasons you are cutting yourself, but cutting yourself for sexual pleasure is dangerous. be aware that you may accidentally cut a vein and bleed to death. if you and your b/f are cutting each other for a sexual turn on, you're better off to find a new safer fetish. one of the reasons you probably are addicted to cutting yourself is becuz when u cut yourself beta-endorphins(the chemicals that make you feel good) are produce in your brain and actually give you a sense of a feeling being "high". If you and your b/f are cutting each other and yourselves to deal with anger pain or torment you both should seek help, cutting yourself is a major problem and isn't the answer to fixing things and making yourself feel better. good luck

well, well, what the??????
Posted by Jue on Thu May 3 23:50:46 2001 (#7129)

I DID MY SPEECH ON SELF-INJURY!!!!! it went really well. someone told me they were touched and was on the verge of tears. that surprised me.

well anyways that is over with and everyone thinks i am almost better. back to the 'smile, smile', 'i am fine' attitude. but here i am dying to cut and i alreay cut this morning.

i thought i had a good day yesterday and then i go to bed and lie there frustrated with my heart screaming. i have these irrational mood changes that no one understands and it makes people very very frustrated at me. and they ask why? why? why? are you acting like this and my answer: i don't know. so the therapists ask me, the teachers ask me, the parents ask me, the friends ask me, the brothers ask me, the sister ask me. they think i am not telling them but i don't know.

i am soooooooo extremely frustrated. and there is this girl in a brown dress jumping rope in my head and she won't stop. why doesnt't my head obey me???????? sorry for the rant and rave. take care. julie

Re: well, well, what the??????
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 00:00:19 2001 (#7131)

oh my

GOD

i cant believe you wrote that...it could have come out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have like goosebumps its so freaky. i've talked about her before but the lady in brown lives in my head....and i HATE HATE HATE HATE when people think i am "recovered" or "better"

i want them to understand my pain and they never will and it makes me want to scream. and then all keep asking and i just feel like crap inside and i dont know why and they try to tell me why and they are all FUCKING IDIOTS.

my head never obeys me...i am going crazy. have been tortured by OCD sooo bad these past few days. still have:

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am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine. i am elle and she is mine.

and now i also have:

"and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." 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"and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive." "and i bleed just to know i'm alive."

okok enough. just wish it would stop in my head. and congrats on your speech Julie.

Re: well, well, what the??????
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 00:09:28 2001 (#7132)

just wondering...what is OCD, yeah i know, i know nothing haha

Re: well, well, what the??????
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 00:12:40 2001 (#7134)

obssesive compulsive disorder

Re: well, well, what the??????and thankyou elle
Posted by Jue on Fri May 4 03:53:52 2001 (#7137)

I can't believe we have the same brown dressed lady. just jumping rope over and over and she won't stop. i try to make her jump rope backwards and such but once the motion starts it is as bad as when she was jumping forward. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! i am so glad i am not alone in this. i don't want to tell people since i already have several other disorders, so i continue to smile and nod, smile and nod. take care elle thanks for the post. i missed you when you weren't posting that often. love julie

Re: well, well, what the??????and thankyou elle
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 04:09:03 2001 (#7139)

i smile and nod and die on the inside...

my lady in brown never jumps rope, she does annoying things like telling me the spiders are after me or taunting me or singing.....i just want to kill her or get away from her....i am too scared to tell my shrink about her because i already have so much other crazy stuff. i think he basically thought i was insane when i told him about my dissociation and other ego.

Re: well, well, what the??????and thankyou elle
Posted by Jue on Fri May 4 04:16:56 2001 (#7141)

Sometimes shrinks suck. i hope you are all right.

why!?
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 03:14:01 2001 (#7136)

Dude, why does everything suck?! god i feel like i am not even alive, i'm soo numb from everything, i cant deal with all this, i just cant do it anymore, i really really really need to get away...somhow, i dont know, but i am just dead, i feel as though this whole thing is just a big nightmare and i will never end, ever, the only way to escape it is to die, but that could be years, until then i just sit here, and bleed to know it isn't fake, but it only lasts for awhile. then that feeling of unreality comes back....I HATE THIS!! why cant i just be normal, indead of so fucked up, i want to be happy, i cant even remember whats it like to always be happy, and carefree, i hate this life, i really think it should go to hell

sorry for that...i just needed to vent a little, sorry again for boring you to death, i think i'll go and cut some..just too feel that nice feeling of being alive...

~shanna

Re: why!?
Posted by Jue on Fri May 4 04:05:44 2001 (#7138)

hi shanna. oh to be happy and carefree????? well i learned that life is never peaches and cream. pardon the dumb expression.

i ask myself why me why was i plagued with this. the fact is though i am so where to go next... that is something i am working on.

When life seems as though there is no point i want to crumble and cover myself in a big black hole and sleep. but then i think there are better things to do them to wait for darkness and death. even if i have to force myself things get better.

i am kind of rambling, sorry, and this should be about you, but i want you to know that you are not alone and that there is hope in seemingly hopeless times. There is always a bit of light in the darkest night. Keep trying sweetheart. it helps me if i do things for people that i really like. it also helps me when i dance, draw, i run. a good arguement with someone also brings out the passion in me. take care. love julie

Re: why!?
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 04:22:55 2001 (#7143)

there is never hope. i dont care about those who want to help me and love me. i just push them away. and the people who want nothing to do with me becuase they think i am too fucked up i crave their constant and entire attention. why can i not accept assurance from those who want to give it? why do i always want to be close to those who want me to look to others for support. what the hell is wrong with me? why cant i control my emotions and thoughts and desires and head and anything in my life...

iamelleandsheismine,ibl eedjusttoknowi'malive

Re: why!?
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 04:55:46 2001 (#7145)

thanks jue,for the advice..

Re: why!?
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 04:17:41 2001 (#7142)

i dont want to be happy. i dont ever remeber a time in my life when i was not obssesed with death, for most of my life i just thought it was natural to look over a cliff and think how i would die or see a thick rope and imagine my body laying limply hung in it or eating dinner and picking up my knife and thinking of all the places i could stick it into myself.....and then when i realized not everyone continually had these thoughts i began to see how insane and depressed i truly am and i do not know who i would be if i was not depressed. the only way i can identify myself is through depression. i dont want to get happy i just dont want to be and i dont deserve to live and i dont deserve to die. forever in limbo...

iamelleandsheismine,ibl eedtoknowi'malive

Re: why!?
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 05:06:46 2001 (#7147)

Elle, do you mind my asking about your past? I am really curious about why you would never WANT to be happy. Thanks.

Re: why!?
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Fri May 4 06:00:10 2001 (#7151)

I don't know why you would not want to be happy Elle, But I feel the same thing. I don't know why I feel like that, maybe it's because I've forgoten what it feels like to be happy and fear that If I was I wouldn't be me anymore. that's why I didn't want to go on prozac, maybe that's my reason. I can only assume that you might be thinking something simaler, but you're not me and I can only hope you at least understand yourself (I really wish I could understand me) oh well, good luck in life, don't give up.

Drew:)

Re: why!?
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 14:10:43 2001 (#7156)

i just dont know who i would be if i was not unhappy.i cant even fathom what happiness really is

A tip to focus
Posted by Jue on Fri May 4 04:14:19 2001 (#7140)

This something i have found that helps me focus on the here and now instead of the whirling thoughts in my head. plus it staves off cutting a bit.

I draw intricate designs on my arms. that way i am still left with a mark and it makes me focus on the design.

for those who suffer from OCD i don't know if this will help but the thoughts go because i get so involved with keeping the lines even and precise.

i don't know if i suffer from OCD but i do get recurring thoughts and compulsions. anyways labels aren't important to me only the dealing with what ever gets in the way of a happy me. Hope it helps someone else.

Re: A tip to focus
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 04:26:02 2001 (#7144)

i'll try it, doubt it will work

Re: A tip to focus
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 04:59:13 2001 (#7146)

I shall try that, i'm willing to try anything to stop the caravings to cut, thanks ~shanna

Re: A tip to focus
Posted by gurl on Fri May 4 22:13:53 2001 (#7202)

i'll try it, but i don't think that that would be enough to stop cutting or my thoughts.....but it might help my thoughts at least a little

away for a bit
Posted by Doris on Fri May 4 05:10:29 2001 (#7148)

Hey guys

I'm going away. I'm going to Virginia to pick up my sister from college. I should be back Wednesday. I'll be praying for you all.

elle - I know your OCD has been really bad lately and I'll be praying that it calms down for you. Please stay strong.

Julie - I'm so proud of you that you did your speech! That's huge... you have to be proud of yourself. Your strength amazes me. I doubt I could get up there and talk about something so personal. Good job! :)

Have a great weekend everyone. Love you all.

Doris

Re: away for a bit
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 05:29:19 2001 (#7149)

i hope you have a great trip and have fun! thank you again for all of the advice you have given me, ~Shanna

Re: away for a bit
Posted by Drew on Fri May 4 06:07:52 2001 (#7152)

have a fun time, I'll/we'll miss you?

take care.

thecutthatneverheals :)

Re: away for a bit
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 14:12:38 2001 (#7157)

have fun Doris

Re: away for a bit
Posted by *me* on Sat May 5 02:51:32 2001 (#7218)

Doris I hope you have a good trip. Thanks for all of your support!

Lots of love

Re: away for a bit
Posted by black rose on Sat May 5 04:12:20 2001 (#7224)

I'll miss u...hurry ^ back! Christine

sooo cool cam yay
Posted by melissa on Fri May 4 05:51:04 2001 (#7150)

so if everyone does'nt know: my b/f of over a year just moved to illinois about 3 months ago. and things have been really hard. but we both got webcams and mics today so we can see and talk to e/o more. im so excited. well anyway i lov eyou guys. bye

love peace and hair grease me

Re: sooo cool cam yay
Posted by Jess on Fri May 4 21:27:58 2001 (#7197)

r how nice for you.go have fun times with it Love Jess

Re: sooo cool cam yay
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 21:30:57 2001 (#7198)

That super-dy-duper coolio, i bet your really happy, i hope you are your b/f are doing good too, buh bye ~shanna

hey
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 10:36:59 2001 (#7154)

hey...sorry I haven't been talking much...haven't been reading many messages...just too hard to focus on things these days...

guess the reason for this message is to say that I've never found a niche here...since I'm 22 and we all have different lives anyway, I just don't relate to everyone as well...I don't want to be an overbearing mother which is why I don't tell people to stop, though I do hope noone kills themself...of course there are other reasons, there always are...

also, I was talking to one person and a bit with another, but that hasn't been working out well for one reason or another...so I've sorta closed myself up again and gotten more sad and distant...

anyway, this isn't a goodbye really, just stating why I don't talk as much anymore

Re: hey
Posted by elle on Fri May 4 14:15:48 2001 (#7158)

y'all probably noticed i dont talk as much too....i just feel isolated from myself....like the others are gaining too much power inside me and i dont have the motivation to read all the messages. sorry.

Re: hey
Posted by black rose on Sat May 5 04:13:33 2001 (#7225)

it's good to hear from u...keep posting! Christine

Happiness
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 15:42:15 2001 (#7161)

I have read several posts dealing with happiness. I would like to give my definition of it and would like others to offer their opinions too. To me, happiness is being comfortable with who you are...not necessarily that you are always pleased with everything that you do but being confindent that the God that created you had a purpose in your being here and will gladly give you the strength to be that. Happiness is focusing on who He is not who I am. It is a peace and security that comes from knowing that no matter what happens in your life, it is under the control of a loving Heavenly Father who loves you and wants the best for you. Happiness is being able to share with someone else the very thing that you are so undeserving of, being able to say to another human being, "I am not worthy of this care and yet as undeserving as I am, I experience this love. It is free to you, also!" Ok...that was my definition...what's yours?

Re: Happiness
Posted by - on Fri May 4 21:18:31 2001 (#7195)

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL,

PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE,

TELLING THE TIME.

HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE,

TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND,

AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.

HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM,

KNOWING A SECRET,

CLIMBING A TREE.

HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS,

CATCHING A FIREFLY,

SETTING HIM FREE.

HAPPINESS IS BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN,

AND HAPPINESS IS COMING HOME AGAIN.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,

DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO,

FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL

THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER,

SHARING A SANDWICH,

GETTING ALONG.

HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,

AND HAPPINESS IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,

DAYTIME AND NIGHTTIME TOO,

FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL

THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

(The song "Happiness" from the Broadyway play "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." You can hear a midi of the song here: http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/ lyrics/happiness.htm It's also where I found the lyrics. Guess my list is a little more worldly than yours - but why would God create simple pleasures if we weren't to enjoy them? Two parts of the same truth, I suppose.)

Good luck, everyone.

Re: Happiness
Posted by Doris on Wed May 9 06:14:57 2001 (#7301)

Wow, good song. That was great. And Amen, Linda. I completely agree with you. :)

Doris

?
Posted by . on Fri May 4 15:46:45 2001 (#7162)

will there ever be anyone who can help me?

sometimes I wish someone would rape me even just so I'd know I was of any use to anyone or that someone bothered noticing me

I eagerly want to die most of the time, don't mind suicide but don't want anyone else to have to carry me around as baggage

I hate being here and there's no fucking way out!!! Help if you can with words in any way. Bothering to tell my probelms never helps so just respond to this if you can. Thanks

Re: ?
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 15:49:09 2001 (#7163)

(((((((((?)))))))) Of course there is Someone who can help you!!

Re: ?
Posted by . on Fri May 4 15:55:31 2001 (#7164)

no there's not

that answer is very frustrating

in response to your message, I think I'd be happy if I found my reason for being in this world or if I trusted someone enough to let them in

Re: ?
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 15:59:50 2001 (#7166)

Well, then trust me.....I know that is hard but I will promise you that I will never hurt you intentionally.......Please email me.

Fun Time
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 15:57:52 2001 (#7165)

I'M TAKING OVER THIS BOARD!...Not really, just trying to be funny this morning and I see all those sad looks that are annoyed at me for trying to be light hearted!!! ; ) It also seems like I am taking over because I am posting a lot of messages today but I must get off this computer quickly sooooooooooo here's my idea......Have any of you taken a personality test? I have done it with a few several months back. It is always fun. If you would like, here is the test. The directions are as follows: There are 16 lines with four descriptive words in each. You will score the words according to which you feel is closest to your personality in descending order. Another words if on the first line you feel that MOST of all you are Commanding, then that would be a four. If you are LEAST of all Enthusiastic, then that would be a one. There will be a one, two, three and four in each line. If you want to take the test, I will be glad to grade them........as time permits. OK children...pencils ready....BEGIN!! 1. Commanding,Enthusiastic, Loyal, Detailed 2. Decisive, Expressive, Lenient, Particular 3. Tough-Minded, Convincing, Kind, Meticulous

Re: Fun Time
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:01:41 2001 (#7167)

Sorry about that...I hit the wrong button again....ON WITH THE TEST!

Re: Fun Time
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:06:24 2001 (#7169)

4. Independent, Fun-loving,Peaceful,Follows Rules 5. Daring, People-Oriented, Understanding, High Standards 6. Risk-Taker,Lively, Charitable, Serious 7. Courageous,Cheerful,Merciful,P recise 8. Confident, Inspiring, Supportive, Logical 9. Fearless, Good-Mixer, Patient, Conscientious 10. Non-conforming, Talkative, Gentle, Analytical 11. Assertive, Popular, Even-paced, Organized 12. Take Charge, Uninhibited, Good Listener, Factual 13, Aggressive, Vibrant, Cooperative, Accurate 14. Direct, Excitable, Gracious, Efficient 15. Frank, Influencing, Accomadating, Focused 16. Forceful, Animated, Aggreable, Systematic.

Ok...there it is if you want to have some fun.

Re: Fun Time
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 16:18:41 2001 (#7170)

1)2,1,4,3 2)4,2,1,3 3)4,2,3,1 4)4,2,3,1 5)2,4,3,1 6)1,3,4,2 7)2,3,4,1 8)1,2,4,3 9)1,2,4,3 10)2,1,4,3 11)2,3,1,4 12)1,3,4,2 13)1,2,4,3 14)1,2,4,3 15)1,4,3,2 16)1,4,3,2

la la la that sure gove me somthing to do! la la la ~shanna

Re: Fun Time
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:24:03 2001 (#7172)

Yikes...I didn't think that through too well...I do have your test, Shanna and I'm waiting on anona1 to finish hers.....I think I need to post the answers on here so everyone can grade their own....don't you!!

Re: Fun Time
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 16:27:38 2001 (#7173)

Haha, well you know...that okay you can do it..i would do it myself, but holy shit i am so sick this morning, i cant keep anything down, thrown up about 5 times...ISH...id idn't go to school, its sucks

Re: Fun Time
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:33:18 2001 (#7174)

Well, "Sugar Plum" sorry you are feeling so badly today. About the test....here is what you came out with.....You are in transition.....LOL...Since I think I remember that you are 14 that would be highly possible. I will go into it with more depth in just a jiffy...ok!!

Re: Fun Time
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 16:36:27 2001 (#7175)

haha okie dokie...

Shanna's results
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:55:10 2001 (#7180)

Well, I am going to try to interpret this just a little....it looks to me like you could very well be an encourager.....I believe that you would be a very faithful person to a friend. You are spontaneous and under normal circumstances love fun and spontaneity. You like variety and relating to different people. You really do not like conflict. Deadlines and pressure to take charge of others causes stress also. You could be a very caring person. How's that?

Re: Shanna's results
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 16:58:30 2001 (#7182)

Wow, sounds pretty good to me, especially that part about "taking charge of others" cause my dad's disabled, and i'm always taking care of him, yup yup yup, well that was very cool indeed, thanks! ~shanna

Re: Shanna's results
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 17:01:56 2001 (#7183)

OKie, well...i am going back to beddy bye bow haha buh bye ~shanna

Re: Shanna's results
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 17:10:39 2001 (#7187)

two of my friends' mothers have ms...I've come to think that females (don't know about males) who have a disabled parent are the sweetest, caring, giving, optomistic people I've ever met...sorry about your dad but you must be a great person in real life

Re: Shanna's results
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Fri May 4 21:25:48 2001 (#7196)

yeah my dad is a diabetic, and is legally blind, althought he can see ok. and his feet are going to hell, only got 81/2 toes, yeah well i guess i'm on ok preson, buh bye!! ~shanna

Re: Fun Time
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 16:43:15 2001 (#7176)

if you post the scoring, I'm fine with figuring it out myself

Re: Fun Time
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 16:21:22 2001 (#7171)

good, thanks...I like question/answers...it's so much easier when there are answers to something

1. 2, 1, 4, 3

2. 3, 1, 2, 4

3. 4, 1, 2, 3

4. 3, 2, 1, 4

5. 2, 1, 4, 3

6. 3, 1, 2, 4

7. 1, 2, 3, 4

8. 2, 1, 3, 4

9. 1, 2, 3, 4

10. 2, 1, 3, 4

11. 4, 3, 2, 1

12. 2, 1, 3, 4

13. 4, 1, 2, 3

14. 4, 1, 2, 3

15. 4, 2, 1, 3

16. 3, 1, 2, 4

Anona1's results
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:48:24 2001 (#7177)

Well, little lady...it seems that you are a researcher......LOL....don't forget that I am not a professional...this is just a guess...I'll bet you are very efficient and accurate with detail work. You don't mind standing up to others if they try to divert your work. You don't like to be bothered by small talk or interruptions. In fact, you would rather work alone and probably would prefer written communication rather than conversation. I think that you might be very short and direct in dealing with others. I would say that you have the patience to sit very still and work on a project until you are through. You would be stressed by trying to work within the politics of an office or small talk. You would be irritated when you see others that are not doing right. You would rather work in the background but you do expect to be noticed for your achievements. How does that sound?

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 16:52:29 2001 (#7178)

everything is precisely true, except that I'm an artist, not a researcher and would never be interested in doing research....the last personality test I took told me I'm an artist...

another interesting test is an iq one at www.iqtest.com

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 17:04:34 2001 (#7184)

Ahhhh yes...I see your artistic abilities in there. My husband is an artist. The word researcher was just a word used in this particular book to indicate someone with a certain pattern of traits. I didn't really mean you were really a researcher in real life.....I'm going to post an explanation of the procedure for determining the results.

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 17:07:23 2001 (#7186)

what kind of art does he do?

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 17:31:41 2001 (#7190)

He does some oil painting and has dabbled a little with acrylic. He does landscapes and enjoys Thomas Kincade. He is also a musician and a piano tuner by trade.

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 17:42:30 2001 (#7191)

ah, what can I say...I stuck around b/c I crave answers but will force myself off after...*l*

I'm not as fond of Kincade...to me, he's an artist that paints to please people...the paintings are nice but they don't say much...one of my favorite artists is Egon Schiele...I also like Picasso's blue years, Klimt, aspects of Van Gogh and Dali, ah, the list always continues...as for sculpture, of the artists I remember, I like Michaelangelo (of course), Isamu Noguchi, Brancussi...can't remember others now

musician is great...I took a few years of piano to please my mom but didn't like it so don't know it well but I sing

it's weird...but your husband has a lot of my characteristics so I'm wondering what you're like...perhaps it will help me find a guy I'd be happy with

Re: Anona1's results
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 20:17:28 2001 (#7192)

Well.....if you look on the test...I am a HIGH I.....I love to have fun, am always excited at the possiblity of new friends and new people challenges. Actually, we met at Bible college and the thing that attracted me to him was his shyness. As a people person I wanted to make him come out of his shell. He was also a piano player that could play in any key and I had a low voice so he could transpose to fit my voice. It was great. We only dated for 7 months. I can only remember one time that I saw for a short time the "other" side of his personality. I ignored it because I felt that all he needed was someone to love him. It has been a wonderful 35 years but not without it's problems and I feel that after all this time his need for details has influenced me. I feel that I am a more balanced person as a result. Opposites do attract but if you think about that, the thing that you admire in another person that you wish you could have as your trait, ends up to be the thing most irritating in a relationship. As a Christian, I do not know how we would have survived had it not been for the stabilizing factor of our faith. His loyalty and honesty have made him a special mate! Hope you find someone as perfectly matched for you.

also
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 16:54:09 2001 (#7179)

and I'm 22, so I'm not offended, it's just really weird being called little lady...I'm the stage in between little lady and little old lady

Re: also
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 16:57:51 2001 (#7181)

Awwwww...sorry if I offended you. I am 55 and have a 22 year old son...so I understand completely. My 22 year old is offended very easily if we don't treat him as an adult. I really had no idea how old you were but it was a pretty good guess you were younger than me.. : )

Re: also
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 17:05:40 2001 (#7185)

no offense taken, as I was saying, it's just weird to hear...you've mentioned your age before, but it's easy to forget on here...most people seem so young...

thanks for the test...except for the research part the analysis was exactly true to a pin...I'm an artist and I write a lot and feel I communicate better writing than talking...hate politics in general...do like the background but like recognition for work/effort I put into things...I get things done in their time...it bothers me when people do wrong, but that's also very circumstantial...like I don't mind if people drink or smoke or smoke up, but do if they're trapped by them...by the way, I'm the . from before...thanks for answering...I just don't feel like going into my whole story again

Re: Fun Time
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 16:05:08 2001 (#7168)

interesting...and I've taken them before...at least it gives me something to do

1. 2, 1, 4, 3

2. 3, 1, 2, 4

3. 4, 1, 2, 3

Re: Fun Time
Posted by Drew on Fri May 4 21:17:36 2001 (#7194)

For those of you who don't feel like waisting peoples time on this bord go to

www.thespark.com

It has a personality test and many others that are sure to be a fun way to waist time.

thecutthatneverheals :)

Re: Fun Time
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 22:06:52 2001 (#7200)

good to know...

love to be categorized as a waste of time, but know what you mean

sleepy
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 17:13:02 2001 (#7188)

well, I'm heading out to get a couple hours of sleep...thanks for talking

Grading the test
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 17:28:45 2001 (#7189)

This test is based on the DISC method of personality testing. The D traits are DOMINANT, DIRECT, DEMANDING, DECISIVE, DETERMINED, DOER. They are goal-oriented, performan conscious, hard to please, self-confident, industrious and firm. They don't like indecision, slow people, talkers who don't produce, lazy people, detailed activities, and taking orders. The motivating factors in a "D's" life are control and choice. The I traits are INSPIRING,INFLUENCING, IMPRESSIONABLE, INTERACTIVE,IMPRESSIVE, INTERESTED IN PEOPLE. They are fun to watch, great starters, poor finishers, likeable, prone to exaggeration, easily excitable. They don't like being ignored, being isolated, being ridiculed, repetitive tasks, detail work, long-term projects. Motivate them with attention and approval. The C traits are CAUTIOUS, CALCULATING, COMPETENT, CONSCIENTIOUS, CONTEMPLATIVE, CAREFUL.They are perfectionists, difficult to satisfy, logical, meticulous, self-sacrificing, inquisitive. They hate being criticized, mistakes, sudden changes, shoddy work, unpreparedness, or unnecessary interruptions. Motivate them with quality and perceived value. The S traits are SUPPORTIVE, STEADY, STABLE, SWEET, STATUS QUO, SHY. They are considered the sweetest people in the world, easily maniputated, loyal friends, team players, poor starters, great finishers. They don't like insensitivity, to be yelled at, misunderstandings, sarcasm, surprises or being pushed. Motivate them with security and stability. 1. IDCS 2. DISO 3. ISCD 4. SCDI 5. CDIS 6. DISC 7. ISCD 8. SCDI 9. CDIS 10. SIDC 11. CSID 12. DCSI 13. SDIC 14. CSDI 15. IDCS 16 DISC The point of all this is to just have fun. Count your score in each category and use your judgement. If you find that you are particularly high in one letter then you may look back and see what motivates you and maybe why you do what you do.

If you enjoy this and are interested there is a good site at www.personality-insights.com. Hope you all had fun this morning!!!!

annoyed
Posted by melissa on Fri May 4 21:09:17 2001 (#7193)

i had something good to say...but noone even read it noone even cared. i know how lost feels now, we have been here so long. i guess i have just wore out my stay here. well bye for now.

Re: annoyed
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Fri May 4 21:35:48 2001 (#7199)

Oh, missy, I read EVERYTHING! (no mater how annoying it is, ehh hem Linda, lol. just kidding) I noticed but I just don't usually reply because I can't think of the right things to say.(I don't want to look like an idiot). Any-Who... I remember your last post and that's cool. I I've lost a relationship or two because of distance problems. well, I better go, later girly.

Drew :)

Re: annoyed
Posted by Linda on Fri May 4 23:22:28 2001 (#7209)

LOL....I saw that Drew!!!! Sorry I annoy you...I don't really mean to and I hold no hard feelings if it irritates you. I have grown quite a bit myself in the last year. There are things I read on here that a year ago I would have been horrified to see in print but I have learned to accept that not everyone feels the same way about things as I do. I stay here only because I believe I offer something that is real. And I believe in it. I really don't see too many people offering hope. There are a lot of sweet people that are very encouraging and uplifting to others but usually with no help but words. Thanks for reading everything!!!

Re: annoyed
Posted by anona1 on Fri May 4 22:11:28 2001 (#7201)

I feel that way too, but I have no one I can talk to so here will have to do...sorry, I did read the message...I just don't relate to happier things that well...it feels surreal when I'm happy about something...it's even weird to say...anyway, take care...hope it works out

Re: annoyed
Posted by LOST on Fri May 4 22:34:31 2001 (#7205)

hey chica... i'm happy for u. and for mucus boy. u guys both smell and i hope u live happily ever after together :) sorry i didn't respond... i just never have much to say anymore to ANYONE really. i'm kinda stuck in my own lil world again. sorry chick

question...
Posted by gurl on Fri May 4 22:32:25 2001 (#7204)

i was wondering how long you guys (and girls) have been cutting and/or been depressed

Re: question...
Posted by Jess on Fri May 4 23:07:40 2001 (#7208)

depressed-all my life(feels like) cutting-3/4years(stopped all this week!!!!)

Re: question...
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Sat May 5 00:13:54 2001 (#7212)

i have been depressed since i was...like 7, and i only started cutting this summer, but i have been pulling out my hair sice i was 5 or 6, i dont do it that much anymore, only compulsively, i have alot of hair tho, pretty wierd cause i'm like always ripping it out, anyways..oki buh bye ~shanna

Re: question...
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Sat May 5 01:25:01 2001 (#7213)

I've been seriously cutting since around decmber 2000, but minor (less often than once a day) for a while now. Depressed, it's best you not ask.

Re: question...
Posted by *me* on Sat May 5 03:10:52 2001 (#7219)

I've been bruising since I was 12 and cutting since I was 14. I've never actually been diagnosed professionally as depressed because I've never told anyone that I think I am. Well except for my best friend but we kind of made a joke out of it and she doesn't think I'm serious. Anyways I've felt really really sad all the time for as long as I remember. Even when I was a little kid, I'd always feel like I didn't belong in the world. Dunno if that answers your question...

Lots of love

Re: question...
Posted by elle on Sat May 5 06:17:58 2001 (#7227)

first time i cut was a little over 4 yrs ago...have been depressed as long as i can remeber. have been cutting daily for about a year and a half until these past few days

Re: question...
Posted by anona1 on Sun May 6 12:10:52 2001 (#7242)

am 22...depressed for 11 or 12 years...cut since I was 15

have any of you...
Posted by LOST on Fri May 4 22:38:56 2001 (#7206)

... ever been depressed but really have no reason to be depressed? i mean USUALLY i have a whole lot of shit going on that i am depressed over and stuff... but recently i have NOTHING bad going on, but STILL i feel empty inside and still there is something missing. I still cry. I still sit balled up in the corner. i still do everything that i do when i'm depressed and i still feel the same way... but the difference is that there is NO REASON to be depressed now... do u think its just become a part of me now... or that maybe i'm just stupid and feeling sorry for myself or wanting attention or something... i can't figure out WHY i'm like this... i think am MEANT to be depressed since nothing seems to be able to make me happy... bleh. anyone have any idea what it might be?

Re: have any of you...
Posted by Drew on Sat May 5 01:31:26 2001 (#7214)

yeah, I know what you're talking about and I've been there, I usually have a reason but sometimes I don't.

from what I can tell (at least with me) Depression is addictive. after spending so much time dealing with it when you have no reason to be depressed you don't feel like you anymore and you flee to what may seam like your your Home (I mean that mentally)

Depression has become are safty-net and we use it to fall back on because we have nothing else that want's us. that might be just me though, I'm not even sure if that's the case with me. hope I'm not waisting to much time here, latter.

thecutthatneverheals :)

Re: have any of you...
Posted by elle on Sat May 5 06:22:50 2001 (#7228)

i always feel like i have nothin to be depressed about, think about this, what my shrink told me:

maybe the reason you are depressed is the very fact that there is nothing to trigger depresssion. LOST, you are stuck with all those confusing thoughts that would drive anyone to depression. at least thats how i see it. maybe the thought of living without depression makes u depressed. i dunno what i am talkin bout.

iamelleandsheismineible edjusttoknowimalive

Re: have any of you...
Posted by insignificant other on Tue May 8 21:34:56 2001 (#7294)

hey. i know exactly how you feel. over Christmas i was feeling really shit, cos a whole loada stuff happened when i was little and then me & my friend got talking and it all came up again. it's taken me all this time to get out of my depression, & i'm still not out completely. it's an ongoing battle, one that is hard enough to fight if you've got people round you trying to cheer you up, but is fucking impossible if you try and face it alone. trust me on this one. i don't hold myself down often, but i'm doing it now. i've tried so hard to get everything sorted, and to stop cutting, and i'm so proud of myself, but i know that i'm still walking in eggshells. if one thing goes wrong i know i coud easily just pick up my knife and completly destroy all my hard work. if you ever wanna email me, i'll reply. don't try and fight this alone.

New site
Posted by ®Bleeding Poet on Fri May 4 23:03:27 2001 (#7207)

I have a new web site guys. http://www.thisismycool.com/ro sesfromtheheart/

Re: New site
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Sat May 5 01:32:46 2001 (#7215)

Okey-day

Drew :)

Re: New site
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Sat May 5 05:24:19 2001 (#7226)

OKie Dokie, i shall check it out~shanna

Re: New site
Posted by *me* on Sun May 6 02:19:56 2001 (#7239)

Hey I checked out your site and I really like it!! :-)

Re: New site
Posted by ®Bleeding Poet on Tue May 8 16:01:46 2001 (#7278)

Wow...thanks!...I just revamped it...so you might want to mosey back over there and see what I added! Espesially check out the page called "The Cutting Board". There's a guest book, message board, vote caster, chat room, and a bunch of stuff like that. TY...®Bleeding Poet (veronica) The home page is http://www.thisismycool.com/ro sesfromtheheart/

here's to tonight
Posted by melissa on Fri May 4 23:34:37 2001 (#7211)

does anyone ever read in to things more then your suppose to? does anyone ever feel like a movie or a song was written about you. do you ever feel like you want to live in a movie life that you saw or you are living that life? some things just get me so emotional. the title "here's to tonight" words from a song bye eve 6. well i dont know what to say... i love you. i hate myself and my life...

Re: here's to tonight
Posted by Nuni on Sat May 5 02:47:32 2001 (#7217)

Remember me?? Hi melissa... ITs weird that I started my post that way, but its how I feel. YES, I think that way sometimes, Im just waiting for my movie to end. I get very overwhelmed when I interact with too many people, I always think I did something wrong and that everyone knows how messed up I REALLY am...melissa? I remember you, I love you too! Nuni

Re: here's to tonight
Posted by *me* on Sat May 5 03:18:17 2001 (#7220)

I FEEL THAT WAY AAAALLLL THE TIME! Sometimes when I hear a song or see a movie or something, I'm just like, that's soo me. And I'm always over-emotional, I cry so easily and I cry over nothing sometimes.

About the thing with wanting to be in a movie life, that I relate to a lot. Sometimes I come up with scenes from favorite shows or scenes from movies in my head with me in them. Does that make sense? Like I'll almost reinact a plot in my head and change it slightly so that I can be a character in it. Maybe that's really really weird, I don't know, but I do that all the time.

Lots of love

Iris by GooGooDolls was totally written for me
Posted by elle on Sat May 5 06:33:47 2001 (#7229)

"I dont want the world to see me

cuase i dont think that they'd understand

when everythings made to be broken

i just want you to know who i am"

"when everything feels like the movies

you bleed just to know you're alive"

I SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR this song was written for me...nobody believes me and they just think i am kidding but i am totally serious

iamelleandsheismineible edjusttoknowimalive

Re: Iris by GooGooDolls was totally written for me
Posted by *me* on Sun May 6 02:22:55 2001 (#7240)

I've always thought the same thing about myself.

I have a question about/for Linda
Posted by *me* on Sat May 5 03:21:58 2001 (#7221)

This is just a curiousity question. I don't mean this to be offensive, so please don't take it that way, I'm just wondering. I believe that I read somewhere that Linda said she never cut. Well, Linda, do you SI at all in any other ways? If you don't, how come you come to this board? Do you know someone who does SI? I am just wondering. Thanks.

Lots of love

Re: I have a question about/for Linda
Posted by Linda on Sat May 5 03:29:50 2001 (#7222)

You are very welcome to the answer to that.....I have explained a few times that I came looking for information as I found out that my daughter's boyfriend and probably soon to be husband had done this before. I had confronted him with it and was afraid that I had handled it wrongly. After being helped, I read a lot of the posts and I was just so moved with compassion for these people who were so desperate for hope. I just had to stay! Don't worry about offending me. ((((((((((me))))))))

Re: I have a question about/for Linda
Posted by *me* on Sun May 6 02:25:56 2001 (#7241)

Oh ok, I was just curious. I was worried that you would be offended, I'm glad you're not! It was just a curiousity question. :)

LINDA YOU BETTER READ THIS
Posted by elle on Sat May 5 06:46:42 2001 (#7230)

"within everything is its opposite"

that is the motto of my life. it freaks me out that you are so old and you are still discovering who you are as a person. and also it intruiges me, disgusts me, and gives me hope. i also am annoyed by much of the stuff you post but part of me wants to reach out to you. i just have nobody in my life who i really want to be there to help me through the shit and keep me afloat. i wish i new you in real life. do you live the the us? i have been secretly wishing that you are like my next door neighbor or somethin and i would have someone in real life who would actually care about me, listen to my problems, and not judge me....owell if wishes were fishes...ok, so there is no real point to this message. i just wanted to say that my emotions about EVERYTHING in this world are so confused and i dont really have anyone to take it to who would just listen and i am tired of typing into the computer to faceless nameless people who i will probably never know in reality. so, again, no point, just want you to know that at the same time that i dont like so much of what you say, i also love your words and your presence and wish you were in my reality and not just a name on a screen.

if you wanna mail me its Cutter_Elle@hotmail.com

Re: LINDA YOU BETTER READ THIS
Posted by LOST on Sat May 5 09:29:34 2001 (#7233)

girl, if ur looking for a good friend, u will find one in linda... even tho she is oldER (and her religious stuff makes me want to kick her in her big toe sometimes! :þ)she'll still be there to listen to EVERYTHING u have to say... even if ur mean to her she is still understanding. maaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn when i first started talking to her back in the days, i couldn't stand her (sorry linda!!!)... i would say the most evil things to her and try to get her to go away... but she wouldn't give up on me at all. but NOW i tell her all kinds of stuff about drugs/drinking/sex and stuff like that... and even tho she disapproves and stuff, she still listens and gives "motherly" advice... which is good sometimes since usually people only get "friend" kind of advice. anyway, yeah she won't judge u or anything... and give her a chance and u'll learn to love her :)

Re: LINDA YOU BETTER READ THIS
Posted by Linda on Sat May 5 16:58:16 2001 (#7234)

((((((((((((elle)))))))))Thank you so much for your post. I treasure every word you said. I would be delighted to correspond with you regularly. And {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LOST}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Remember that was a big Mama Bear Hug!!! ; ) God is so good to have brought you into my life. And to think that I almost let you slip by!!! Thanks for your sweetness.

....so..
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Sat May 5 07:34:56 2001 (#7231)

does anyone live in minnesota?! man, i do not know one person in real life that understands this, i hate it, all my friends this its creepy and stuff, i wish i had somone i could relate to and stuf...well okay, Buh Bye ~shanna

Re: ....so..
Posted by gurl on Mon May 7 17:42:53 2001 (#7264)

i don't live in mimmesota..sorry, but i understand what you mean..that is why i like this place so much...most of the people here understand each other and want to help.. most of my friends don't think anything of it, but one of them thinks that it is all creepy and stuff...i don't understand why though.... i don't understand how they can judge people if they have not when through it themselves....

well, bye gurl

Helpful hint, well helpful to me
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Sat May 5 07:40:55 2001 (#7232)

My friend suggested this, and for me its seems to work pretty well cause i compulsively pull at my hair, so anyways.. if you wear a rubber band around your wrist, and snap it when you feel like cutting or whatever, or just to do somthing it helps, well it helps for me, so i thought i would share that..i duno it it will work for you..but you know, well buh bye~shanna

Re: Helpful hint, well helpful to me
Posted by elle on Sat May 5 17:52:50 2001 (#7235)

ive tried that, i always end up breaking the rubber bands becuase i snap them too hard

Back..but not again
Posted by Alana on Sat May 5 17:55:49 2001 (#7236)

Hey everyone,

I'm back, but this is the last time you guys will hear from me. I've been through alot these past 2 weeks in treatment for my depression, SI, and anxiety disorder, and because of all that I learnt while in treatment, I can't ever come back here. I'm sorry guys, you are the best and I hope that you all get through this. I'm trying my hardest right now to get things right for me, and I can't have this board bringing me down. So GOODBYE to everyone. I hold a place in my heart for all those I became close too. I'll never forget my experience here. Just thought I'd tell you all that I'm still alive and doing better than ever right now. Today. I can't worry about tomorrow.

I hope you all get through this, it just takes time.

All my love, Alana

Re: Back..but not again
Posted by gurl on Mon May 7 17:39:43 2001 (#7263)

I just want to tell you that i am glad that you are doing better (even though i know that you aren't going to read this...) gurl

Re: Back..but not again
Posted by blackrose on Tue May 8 01:38:22 2001 (#7269)

Alana, I'm gunna miss u not coming back here...but I guess it's 4 the best...I hope u get thru all this and remember us and how much we care for u whenever u feel like ur gunna slip or if u feel alone! I hope to atleast get an e-mail from u or something to just say hi and c how ur oding...not 2 much! k? b*bye Christine

hi
Posted by Selene on Sat May 5 21:21:33 2001 (#7237)

I know I dont come here that much, but Im so happy that theres finally a place where im not looked at as "weird" or "crazy". That gets sooo very old and you start to beleive after awhile. I just wanna say thanx to anyone who took time to read my messages and responded, or even if you didnt. Its cool, thanx again. ~Selene

Re: hi
Posted by Drew on Sat May 5 23:05:06 2001 (#7238)

no prob

thecutthatneverheals:)

question
Posted by anona1 on Sun May 6 12:31:16 2001 (#7243)

does anyone here feel that they're fairly good at something but don't often share it because they don't want to feel anything bad associated with it? i.e. a talent

Re: question
Posted by Jess on Sun May 6 15:01:57 2001 (#7244)

yup.wont say what though.dont feel as if i need to. love Jess

Re: question
Posted by gurl on Mon May 7 17:22:47 2001 (#7260)

yep...

im kinda new here
Posted by girl on Sun May 6 15:20:07 2001 (#7245)

hey im new here it was my one year suicide attempt anniversary yesterday, id promised myself id b 'clean' when it happened but i failed again and now im covered in scars again. im just stupid i guess.and ive got someone else involved at school and i shouldnta done that cos its not fair on her is it?im just stupid.id done so well i did 6 months with no cuts and now im back to square 1 with blades and im not worth this. girl

Re: im kinda new here
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Mon May 7 08:19:02 2001 (#7255)

I did the same thing a while ago. I wish I rememberd what I did to fix it but I cant, sorry...

Re: im kinda new here
Posted by gurl on Mon May 7 17:31:28 2001 (#7261)

I sort of got someone else involved too...at first i thought that it wasn't fair..but he told me that he cares and that he wants to help..so i don't feel quite as guilty as i did before. i sugjust (if the person who is involved is a close freind) that you ask he/him what they feel about knowing and stuff if they are really a friend they will tell you what they feel, and try to make you feel not as guilty by telling you that they are glad that they know and that they will help you and stick by your side no matter what happens. (hope that helped...at least a little) With lots o' love

*gurl*

lol.....we sort of have the same name thing...i guess...i don't know

well, anyways....bye

Re: im kinda new here
Posted by blackrose on Tue May 8 01:44:38 2001 (#7270)

Hi, my name is Christine, I'm 14 and I've been cutting 4 about 2 yrs now and have had about 20 suicide attempts that put me in the hospital...sux dont it? keep posting...IM me or e-mail me if u ever need ne 1 to talk to! K? b*bye Christine

Re: im kinda new here
Posted by melissa on Tue May 8 21:03:23 2001 (#7289)

im not quite sure what to say to that. ?join the club? sorry if those words arnt comforting but i just want you to know that i feel you so much... me

Regret
Posted by Confused on Sun May 6 20:18:38 2001 (#7246)

I do not understand how any one can think SI is OK. You are hurting your self and scarring your body. You will have to live with it forever. And hurting your body is not going to make anything better. You should get some help instead, because eventually you are going to really damage yourself whether you try to or not.

Re: Regret
Posted by Nuni on Mon May 7 04:50:08 2001 (#7253)

Hi Confused, I suppose if you knew what you were talking about I would agree. SI, like alcohol to alcoholics, nicotine to smokers, etc.. is a coping mechanism. Alcohol is found to cause liver damage and I dont think I have to explain to you what smoking does just look at all the CANCER slogans and all the PHILIP MORRIS campaigns there are. THis board was designed to help those of with SI SUFFER (thats right) SUFFER and live with SI. BUT I believe in my heart that every time I do this it could be a step closer to recovery. WE, or I should say I appreciate your concern for my future scarring but it isnt that I want to do this, I just NEED to... its what I have, (clearing throat) I think its all a lot of us have. Srick around and read a little more you might learn something..Thanks.. Nuni OBTW, I think all of us are getting help, and those that aren't well, that is why they come here.

Re: Regret
Posted by Nuni on Mon May 7 04:50:28 2001 (#7254)

Hi Confused, I suppose if you knew what you were talking about I would agree. SI, like alcohol to alcoholics, nicotine to smokers, etc.. is a coping mechanism. Alcohol is found to cause liver damage and I dont think I have to explain to you what smoking does just look at all the CANCER slogans and all the PHILIP MORRIS campaigns there are. THis board was designed to help those of with SI SUFFER (thats right) SUFFER and live with SI. BUT I believe in my heart that every time I do this it could be a step closer to recovery. WE, or I should say I appreciate your concern for my future scarring but it isnt that I want to do this, I just NEED to... its what I have, (clearing throat) I think its all a lot of us have. Stick around and read a little more you might learn something..Thanks.. Nuni OBTW, I think all of us are getting help, and those that aren't well, that is why they come here.

not perfect not pure...
Posted by girl on Mon May 7 12:28:18 2001 (#7257)

thanks for your concern but its not like we do it for the scars(im speakingfor myself here ok!)i know we need helpp and a lot of us are getting it but its not so easy you cant just say"look at what your doing its wrong now stop" its like an addiction,we are not any of us perfect or pure for that matter!

GIRL

regret?
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 01:53:32 2001 (#7271)

Confused, we may regret afterwards the marks and scars on our bodies but cutting is like cigarettes...it's addictive and u cant just wake up 1 morning and say "I'm gunna quit"...it doesn't work that way at all...this is how we cope...by cutting! by coming here everyone comes together who think that they're alone and have a place to voice their opinions and how the feel! we all slip now and then but we help each other as much as we can! I know u may not understand this but not many ppl do! thanx for all ur concern but it doesnt work that way! b*bye Christine

My friend
Posted by Katie on Sun May 6 20:22:25 2001 (#7247)

Hi. my friend cuts herself a lot and is depressed and I don't know what to do or say. I have a pretty good life and I have never been really depressed or hurt myself. Is there some way to help her? I know you guys cut yourself and stuff, so what have your friends done or said that made you feel better or feel supoorted?? Thanks

Re: My friend
Posted by elle on Mon May 7 00:20:56 2001 (#7250)

i told some of my friends, and they were like, oh no big deal...and that really hurt becuase to me my hundreds of scars and cuts are a big deal. and also when people say, like, oh you must be in so much pain, im so sorry makes me feel really shitty too. i always want to talk about it with my friends and stuff but they never bring it up or ask me how i am doing. it might be nice if you just ask an open question like , how are you feeling? or is there anything you want to share with me about SI? , those arent quite right...but then give her a chance to talk about it but if she doesnt want to then just tell her that you are there if she ever needs you.

Re: My friend
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Mon May 7 01:46:24 2001 (#7251)

Well, be there for her, i know i hate it when people are just like "eh big deal, who cares" and like elle said, ask her about it, cause i know thats what i would like my friends to do. Oo and another thing, this is what my best friend does, she practically goes to tears and says "DONT DO THAT!! you need help!! ahh!", and that makes me feell horrrible, so..dont do that, just make sure she knows you got her back, okie, ~shanna

Re: My friend
Posted by sara on Mon May 7 04:46:03 2001 (#7252)

katie, is it you? well, if this is the katie i know, you are a wonderful person and just listening to me is enough. and i thank you for that. and if this isn't the katie i am thinking about, just be willing to listen and care. sara

whoops..another katie
Posted by sara on Tue May 8 05:10:06 2001 (#7276)

well, they say curiosity killed the cat, well, if i were a cat, i would have used my 9 lives along time ago...i asked the katie i was thinking of if she posted, and said that she didn't...but now that i know that you aren't the person i am thinking of (wow my last things just sounded real confusing..) here is my advice, being on both sides of the spectrum...all i have ever wanted was a hug...someone to just grab me up and hug me and not let go..its more of a symbolic thing of having a conection to something and that someone cares. also, i wanted to talk to someone so bad so many times but i was never really sure when to bring it up, so i was so glad when they brough it up (they always seemed to know just when to). but don't let go to her...help whoever it is, but don't let yourself get too overwhelmed in the process, take a break if you need to...sara

Re: My friend
Posted by girl on Mon May 7 12:36:21 2001 (#7258)

can i just say i think its AMAZING u wanna help ur friend so much please please please keep on supporting her no matter how tough it gets she needs u right now and for a long time.under the scars she is still the friend u know and love and it really helped me to be treated like a 'normal'mate.i still lkie to go catch a film or go hang out and stuff i just need support to keep me going. i think the best way to support her is to give her as much love as you can(without smothering)in any way u can,just show u r there and try and get on with ur lives togethr you cant do this alone please try and get her some help,and you dont have to become superwoman you can still have problems of your own and she can still try to help you but dont be offended if she feels she cant. i know it sounds clichèd but just hold her hand when things get rough you can make it

Girl xx

Re: My friend
Posted by gurl on Mon May 7 17:37:37 2001 (#7262)

just like everybody else said.......just be there for her and let her know that you will always be there when she needs to talk or needs a friend. the only things that you shouldn't do is act like it is no big deal or totally freek out... i want to tell you that you must be a really good freind...because you are trying to find out stuff about SI, and you know that you don't really know exactly what it is like. with lot's o' love, gurl

Re: My friend
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 01:57:47 2001 (#7272)

Katie, I'm soo happy to hear that u r concerned about ur friend...my friends never really did or said ne thing to make me feel better...but I know that when I'm feeling down or mad the only thing I want is for some1 to come ^ to me and just hold me and not let go 4 a while...u dont really c it coming and it makes u feel soo good and wanted...that's what my new friend Jenni taught me...and it works! Christine

greymouse
Posted by Jess on Sun May 6 22:40:19 2001 (#7249)

you ok?

tO tHe DePtHs Of ThE dEeP
Posted by Jue-bleeding,bleeding,bleeding. on Mon May 7 22:38:26 2001 (#7265)

I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to give up.

Once again i have succeeded in shutting out every other human being making them think i was fine. last night i made this very very very deep cut across the whole width of my arm. i am in now, i have travelled the circuit and am back to square one.

Re: tO tHe DePtHs Of ThE dEeP
Posted by Linda on Mon May 7 23:56:45 2001 (#7266)

Oh Julie......hold on!!! Don't give up!! I tell you there is hope!!

Re: tO tHe DePtHs Of ThE dEeP
Posted by º²§håñÑä²º on Tue May 8 01:24:41 2001 (#7267)

I dont want to tell you everything is gonna be ok, and fine somday, cause i know that i HATE it when people say that to me, so all i will say is stay strong! you have gotten so far, and you can get through it if you stay strong, and dont give up!! lotsa love~Shanna

Re: tO tHe DePtHs Of ThE dEeP
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 02:04:44 2001 (#7273)

Jue, stay strong...u can fight this...ur strong! hold on hun! contact me if u ever need to talk! Christine

Re: tO tHe DePtHs Of ThE dEeP
Posted by girl on Tue May 8 20:18:21 2001 (#7282)

honey we all mess up sometimes its not you that is bad you can get through this you are not alone and yeah i know how corny it sounds!please please pllease keep safe Girl xx

4AM
Posted by melissa on Tue May 8 01:26:04 2001 (#7268)

walked around my good intentions and found that there were none. i blame my father for the wasted years we hardly talk. i never thought i could forget this hate then a phone call made me realize im wrong... walked around my room not thinking just sinking in this box. i blame myself for being to much like somebody else. i never thought i could just bend this way...

and if i dont make it know that i loved you all along. jsut like sunny days that we didnt know because, were all dumb an d jaded. and i hope to god figure out whats wrong...

Re: 4AM
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 02:07:01 2001 (#7274)

aww!

Re: 4AM
Posted by girl on Tue May 8 20:21:24 2001 (#7283)

your really sweet and i mean it!

Re: 4AM
Posted by melissa on Tue May 8 21:01:02 2001 (#7288)

thankyou...

Re: 4AM
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 21:19:17 2001 (#7292)

ne time u need someone to talk to or just wanna talk I'm here! Christine

Re: 4AM
Posted by melissa on Tue May 8 23:11:29 2001 (#7296)

thank you so much.

Re: 4AM
Posted by black rose on Wed May 9 21:44:23 2001 (#7309)

:o)

Lys????
Posted by Stitchez on Tue May 8 04:40:59 2001 (#7275)

hey i haven't been here in areally really REALLY long time but when i came to check the board the first thing i saw was ur "they searched my room post" I could relate to that sooo much, my parents have done the exact same thing, searched my room, read my internet files, read my poetry books, and journals, everything, i've been threatened to be put into foster care and everything. i was just wondering how ur parents react to ur cutting, do they follow u around in stores? not let u in ur room unless ur going to sleep? do daily body searches on u? just wondering. and are u now in the fostercare system?

Amanda

Re: Lys????
Posted by elle on Tue May 8 05:37:16 2001 (#7277)

my parents do that. they never leave me alone. search all my stuff. question every little mark on my body. so annoying so annoying

Re: Lys????
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Tue May 8 17:31:55 2001 (#7279)

Well lys hasn't been around much and is not likely to be. I did talked to her recently though and yes she in the foster care program, and she's "aperently" doing great, or at least fine. Sorry I couldn't be of much help, I just figgerd you'd be waiting a long time for an answer.

Drew :)

Re: Lys????
Posted by Stitchez on Tue May 8 20:26:45 2001 (#7284)

Thankx drew, that was helpful :) yeah i cut last night and needed stitches so after my parents asked and found out i was in the ER and stuff and well my dad was threatening to not let me live in my room at all till i gave him the razor but my counselour convinced him that i would do it anyway let's not make a big deal of it. so that's good, i like to keep my privacy. i was suprised though when he actually went with it. i think there should be some way to tell parents that we want them to support us, not restrict us.

someone pleeeeease help me please someone
Posted by *me* on Tue May 8 18:21:56 2001 (#7280)

I'm hyperventilating. Seriously. I don't know what to do. I don't. Someone. Help me here. My mom found out. My God my mom found out about my cutting. I'm so scared. What is she going to do? Right so I was sick last night with a fever and apparently my mom came in to check on me and the covers were off me and I was wearing boxer shorts and she saw the cuts on my thighs. I'm so stupid I should have worn pants to bed I'm such an idiot I never wanted this to happen what's going to happen to me I'm so scared. I didn't know what to tell her when she asked me because it's not like I could deny it she SAW them and they're all cut up oh my God oh my God oh my God. I don't know what any of you can tell me but please someone do something because I am so scared I am so scared and I have until she comes home from work to figure something out please help me please.

Re: someone pleeeeease help me please someone
Posted by elle on Tue May 8 18:55:07 2001 (#7281)

hey hey hey...i know...i have been there. it is the worst place in the world. i dont think your mom will be mad at you. she will be worried and upset and scared. and she will NOT understand. but it will be ok. i know that sounds crazy, but the sun keeps rising and life keeps going. i really dont know what you can say to your mom. i dont even know what to say to my mom. listen hon, i am for real, i am not some 6000 lb man praying on little girls. i am 17 and i live in new jersey so please please please please email me. Write to me at Cutter_Elle@hotmail.com and i will tell you my real name and email. just try to stay calm. i do have two suggestions that made it a little easier when my parents found out. if you have a counselor at your school or anyone like that who is a proffesional that you could maybe talk to, you dont even have to like them, then they could help you talk to your mom and explain in words what you are unable to put into words. if your mom really flips, then she could talk to my mom on the phone or somethin and maybe they could help each other deal. please be ok. your life will continue. i know that you are not worried about how your mom will take it like everyone on the planet thinks, it is how you will be able to deal with her knowing. that is the worst. and i know that feeling. i live with it everyday of my life and am always trying to forget it. please dont do anything rash. try to find a proffesional and then call them and tell them it is an emergency and you need to talk to them and explain your situation. the only things they can tell your mom is that you cut becuase that is physical danger. they will not tell her anything else. so tell them how you are feeling. and then when your mom gets home tell her that you and her need to go see this person immediatly and hopefully they will be able to be there and help you talk to your mom. when my mom found out it was in a therapists office and the therapist did most of the talking and i couldnt look at my mom for days. but things have cooled down. even though i still feel like crap and my mom is annoying as hell and she searches all my stuff....i am still alive and my life hasnt changed as much as you would think. i go to therapy and it really doesnt help except for one aspect: it makes my mom think i am "cured" and she leaves me alone more. hope you are ok. you can IM me at "Cutter Elle" on AIM if you are there.

Re: someone pleeeeease help me please someone
Posted by girl on Tue May 8 20:30:11 2001 (#7285)

hey honey ive been there too my dad found out a while ago and i couldnt face him for ages but it doesnt mean he doesnt love me anymore because of what i do.i hope your mum can EVENTUALY come to terms with it and help you get the help you need. please be honest with your mum the professionals and most importantly YOURSELF without that its too hard.i know how shit it feels but you can get through it and the more people you have on your sidde the better, your mum might be upset at first but your her daughter, nothing can change that. please try to stay calm and safe, heres a safty hug if thats ok (((((((((me)))))))))) GIRL xxx

Re: someone pleeeeease help me please someone
Posted by Stitchez on Tue May 8 20:30:59 2001 (#7286)

well, lying worked in the beginning but then it all caught up to me, so i wouldn't suggest u do that. just be honest, try to anyway, deal with things one question at a time. things won't get better unless people know what the problem is. and the problem isn't the cutting. it's the things that are under the cutting. the things that make u want to cut. that;s what u gotta deal with. i hope things go well for you Amanda

Re: someone pleeeeease help me please someone
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 21:09:53 2001 (#7290)

me I dont really know what to tell u abou t what to do w/ur mom cuz I never tAlked to my parents when they found out about my cutting! I do know that she'll get mad at u at 1st but it's only cuz she's worried and scared and probly doesn't know how to react or what to do...it's natural! ur at the worst point right now...I didn't like it when my parents found out but they have to find out sooner or later! if u ever need to talk I'm here! my s/n is twistedpsycho13@aol.com (it sounds scary but dont let it throw u off) <3 Christine

to everyone that responded, plz read.
Posted by *me* on Wed May 9 02:08:30 2001 (#7298)

I don't understand my mom. She told me that she knew on the phone right? And that we'd have a "talk" when she got home. Well it's been three hours since she's been home and she hasn't said a word about it to me. I can't even look at her I've been trying to avoid her it's awful. I'm so scared about what she's going to do. I'm so scared.

Elle, your post really touched me because everything you said is exactly how I feel. I don't think I can go to the counselor at my school though because she's a real wacked up lady. She literally tries to force kids to have problems (ie "your parents beat you don't they? Are you sure they don't? You're sure?" "Did you try to kill yourself, I see that cut on your knee" SERIOUSLY those situations happened to two friends of mine), and then once she finds out someone who does she doesn't leave them alone (My friend had experience when she was anorexic). I want to email you, but I don't want to give away my real email addy (it's not that I don't trust you, it's me, I'm paranoid and not feeling very secure right now) so I'm going to set up a new addy somewhere and then I'll email you ok?

Thank you everyone for responding, I'm still really shook up and can't believe how stupid I was for wearing those shorts. If I only hadn't...

attn: elle
Posted by *me* on Wed May 9 02:17:46 2001 (#7299)

Ok well I can't figure out how to set up a new email address so I guess I'll just try to IM you sometime. Thanks again. I'm getting worried about my mom's lack of talking to me. Did your mom avoid you for a while? Oh God I've never been so worried in my life.

Re: attn: elle
Posted by elle on Wed May 9 04:40:07 2001 (#7300)

no, my mom was on my case all the time. its really wierd that your mom hasnt said anything. maybe she is scared or doesnt know how to bring it up. please email me hun. you dont have to be paranoid. i will not tell anyone in the whole world anything at all about you. we have so much in common, i really would like to get to know you without everyone in the world being able to read it. i hope everything is ok. i am so so sorry you cant talk to the lady at your school. i am hoping you are ok.

Re: attn: elle
Posted by *me* on Wed May 9 22:07:31 2001 (#7311)

She has not said a WORD to me about it. It's driving me crazy. A part of me wishes she'd never say anything and I could just go on as if she never found out, but another part of me wishes she'd just hurry up and say whatever it is she's going to say because the waiting is making me even more nervous and worried. I'm trying to gather up some courage to email you. We never seem to be online at the same time otherwise I'd be IMing you. - thanks -

this migt be triggering...
Posted by girl on Tue May 8 20:35:01 2001 (#7287)

im just stupid another burden and im not worth it not now. i keep getting these flash backs to my suicide attempt i feel like im there again but this time im even more petrified and its so scary and i really feel like im there and i have to live through it again and again and it wont go away, but i know how to make it go away for a little while and these scars prove it, this blood proves im alive but im numb and so jaded and theres nothing i can do cos im dumb.and ive failed you all im so sorry i must be punished for what i have ruined again and again...GIRL

Re: this migt be triggering...
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 21:22:59 2001 (#7293)

I have flashbacks of all my suicide attempts...especially the 1s that kept me for days in a hospital bed! they suck! U r soo much stronger to not let them get to u...it's the past everything is done w/and u need to let it go! I'm always here for ne 1 to talk so if u need something or someone to talk to u can post e-mail me or IM me! Christine

HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by black rose on Tue May 8 21:13:10 2001 (#7291)

I need help on how to tell my bf about my "lil problem" and I don't know how to! I know summers coming ^ and everything so he'll c all my scars and burn marks...I just dont know how to tell him or what he'll say or do! I need some advice if ne 1 can help me please do! Christine

Re: HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by Jess on Tue May 8 22:14:46 2001 (#7295)

make sure you have enough time to explain it all in one go.reassure him and maybe show him some websites on it.they look pretty good nd helped me with past lads.tell him why you do it (if possible)and that he's not to worry.Your no different from before just you need support now and again. i dont really know much but hope that helped. love Jess

Re: HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by melissa on Tue May 8 23:13:33 2001 (#7297)

if he loves you he will understand and be there for you. if he doesnt love you dont tell me...some things people cant handle, you know? well thats my opinion

Re: HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Wed May 9 18:12:33 2001 (#7303)

I can't speak for your b/f But I would want my girl to be honest with me, tell me what's going on in her life and let me help her in anyway I could.

that last ones very important. He'll want to help you out and if you don't let him he will feel like you don't want him in your life that much and that maybe the cuts are his fault.

oh, one more thing don't let him find out about them by him seing them on you. You HAVE to him, DO NOT let him find out on his own.

Drew:)

Re: HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by Drew on Wed May 9 18:14:49 2001 (#7304)

sorry, my gramer and what not got pretty bad at the end... lol, oh well

Re: HELP PLEASE!!!
Posted by Vicky on Wed May 9 20:55:21 2001 (#7306)

I know how you feel..

one second
Posted by LOST on Wed May 9 08:16:41 2001 (#7302)

one second i'm happy and the next second i'm pissed off and i want to rip someones eyes out with my nails. i don't understand it. and i don't know why i do this. it frustrates me so much. and i get so jealous so easily and i get so mad when all the attention isn't on me (from people i care about)... i HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate when my best friend spends so much time with her new boyfriend. i hate it when she tells me how much she likes him!and uuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhh i can't show it because i CAN'T look like a hater. because me myself am KIND OF a "player" myself and i can't hate on HER for stuff if i'm out there doing worse things. i guess it goes back to the old saying "misery loves company" and since i'm miserable i am making sure that i'm making everyone else's life miserable too. i am stupid.

k i was just talking. don't mind me

Re: one second
Posted by melissa on Wed May 9 18:57:51 2001 (#7305)

haha...sometimes its scary how alike we are. i totally know what you mean. and im kinda going through it right now. marcus has made friends and he has a job and i feel he isnt making enough time for me. but its just have have to much time on my hands no job no friends and im not going to school right now (long story). but anyway i get soooo jealous and i always want all the attention. well love ya girl.

Re: one second
Posted by black rose on Wed May 9 21:38:51 2001 (#7307)

I know how u feel...my friend did that to me over and over again with different guys and I hated it soo much...it always pissed me off! but now I also know how it feels to be on the other end! it sux but the feelings go away...you just hafta give um time! Christine

Thanx everyone!!!
Posted by black rose on Wed May 9 21:42:55 2001 (#7308)

Thankyou to everyone who posted to help me w/telling my bf...I hope he understands! I have to tell him soon too...before his b-day I guess...I just dont wanna have him worry about me or leave me cuz he doesnt know how to handle it like some of my "old" friends that have left me b4! I don't think I could take it again! O well...whatever happens happens I guess! b*bye...wish me luck! Christine

hi
Posted by 100 broken windows on Wed May 9 22:43:16 2001 (#7312)

hi, i have been reading posts here for a while and i decided id say hey...im real depressed right now, i think im gonna go bed anyways, i guess y'all should just ignore this post...im 14.f uk and im just kinda not quite right...

Re: hi
Posted by Nuni on Wed May 9 22:50:14 2001 (#7313)

Well, I am glad you decided to let yourself be heard! I think a lot of us know what you mean when you say you are depressed. I get that way too, for no reason, and then again I am cheery.. It is a crazy cycle. I hope you are well, and by the way, I never ignore posts that state "im depressed"..why?? Because by you posting tells me you want to "talk"..Dont worry I wont BUG you.. TOO LATE!! I care about you, huge hugs! OH and welcome! Nuni feel free to e-mail me whenever!

Re: hi
Posted by Jess on Wed May 9 22:59:52 2001 (#7315)

yo.i'm same as you.age n all.mail me sweetie. love jess

Re: hi
Posted by girl on Fri May 11 17:42:22 2001 (#7342)

hey im 15 f uk so i suppose we got summing in common! welcome to this little world i aint been here long either!mail me if u need to chat anytime, love girl

i've lost it
Posted by Jess on Wed May 9 22:56:34 2001 (#7314)

YO PPL!!! i did it.i showed everyone how weak i actually am.stopped cuttin for a week.then shredded my arm with my new razor blade.i did it proper this time.all round my arm.crossed and everything.i love how it looks.just wish i hadent done it.well fuck them all with their sorry looks.the 'i feel sorry for you' bull.i dont want it i dont need it.could barely stop myself cuttin last night.feels the same now.i have legs.new cutting boards not been touched.haha.have now.i feel evil love jess

Re: i've lost it
Posted by Doris on Thu May 10 06:43:19 2001 (#7317)

All I can say is congratulations on your week.

Re: i've lost it
Posted by black rose on Fri May 11 01:39:56 2001 (#7329)

oh Jess... r u ok? UR NOT WEAK... u just slipped...everyone does it...please talk to my if u ever feel like cutting...I'm always here! Christine

Re: i've lost it
Posted by girl on Fri May 11 17:52:01 2001 (#7343)

u havnt lost it at all!!!u r so strong and we all slip up sometimes u can get over this it doesnt have to be a vicious circle anymore.im always around if u need to chat, i think ur a FAB person dont give up sweetie u can get there!luv girl xxx

more bullshit...
Posted by melissa on Thu May 10 03:12:25 2001 (#7316)

...Out of her head she sang

And I wonder When I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when

Breathe out So I can breathe you in Hold you in...

its part of a song

Re: more bullshit...
Posted by beautiful and dying on Thu May 10 20:45:58 2001 (#7323)

and a damn good song it is too! nice one... raa foo fighters! huggles xxxxxxxxxx

Re: more bullshit...
Posted by girl on Fri May 11 17:55:48 2001 (#7344)

i loved the song, its gorge, got anymore?!!luv girl

my minds so fucked i feel like dieing
Posted by gary on Thu May 10 15:55:32 2001 (#7318)

hey im jus writing..to get some things of my chest..right now im jus surffing the net reading about teen girls and guys that commited suicide be4..and its sooo horrible..the worlds so fucked up today...i feel like fucking crap right now i drink way to much last night my stomachs empty i have no friends to talk to..i barley ever talk to my more or family....they jus wouldn't understand..i've been addicted to weed 4 the last 5 yrs now..and im begging to become and alcholic...i had some friends i met online that started caring about me but i fucked that up..now i got nobody..not 1 person i can call or go meet and talk with im soo mad and sad..i wish i could jus die....i never thought as a kid my life would get this bad..i used to be into sports and fun things..but now im jus fucked...i have bad obssesive compulsive thoughts and behaviorsa and they totally control my life and mind..i ask god all the time why me..i dun deserve to suffer...like this...when is it ever gonna get better im only 18....i wanna do alot of things in my life..i wanna live long and healthy ..i jus hope some how some way i will get through these terrible times in my life....hey if ur going through the same things as me girlfriend..or even guys...give me shout ..email me i could really use someone that...understands what im going through to talk with...love gary..bye

Re: my minds so fucked i feel like dieing
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Thu May 10 17:19:17 2001 (#7319)

Hey Gary. Well no one knows what it's like to have a fucked up life better than me. All the way from chiled abuse,drugs,stabbings, and the list goes goes on. What can I say..... OK, life sucks. it can get better, chances are it won't unless you make the effort for it. I'm glad you posted here. It's a good first step.

......but ummm,.... stick around here, it really is surprizeing how much just telling people how you feel can help. ( the supportive replys don't hurt either. Thanks guys) So Any-who, later.

Drew :)

Re: my minds so fucked i feel like dieing
Posted by Black rose on Fri May 11 01:43:54 2001 (#7330)

if u ever need ne 1 to tlak to I'm always here! Christine

HEY!! DORIS IS BACK !!!! :) :) :)
Posted by Drew on Thu May 10 17:23:03 2001 (#7320)

HEY girly! :) Just to let you know I (and I think WE) really missed you and not reading your super optomistic post :) Any-Who, so how ya doing, how was your little vacation thingy, and what's new?

Drew :)

Re: HEY!! DORIS IS BACK !!!! :) :) :)
Posted by Doris on Thu May 10 19:00:00 2001 (#7321)

Lol, geez, I didn't know I had such an impression on you. :) My vacation was alright. I HATE spending "quality" time with my family though. My sister and I fought the whole time and my dad was pissing me off. Oh well, I get to leave soon. I'm leaving for school in about a week. So, I can't wait. My boyfriend's visiting tomorrow so I'm super excited. Other than that, not much is going on.

Oh, one more thing... I'm on this new medication that one of the major side effects is depression (lucky me) so I can feel myself starting to slip a bit, but it's not too bad now. I know it'll get worse, though. So I hope I don't get too bad. I hope I can stay strong. Anyway, that's my little life.

How are you, Drew? And how is everyone else? I missed you guys too! :)

Doris

Re: HEY!! DORIS IS BACK !!!! :) :) :)
Posted by *me* on Thu May 10 23:25:13 2001 (#7324)

Ahh Doris I missed you! LOL you always have good advice to give. Stay strong I know you can. :) Welcome back.

Lots of love

Re: HEY!! DORIS IS BACK !!!! :) :) :)
Posted by Doris on Fri May 11 07:14:21 2001 (#7340)

Aww, you're too sweet hun. Thanks, it's good to be back. Love you!

Doris