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Threads 1501 to 1550

SIMON'S BIRTHDAY!
Posted by Vile Goddess on Tue Apr 10 23:32:50 2001 (#5679)

It's Simon's birthday today, so let me speak for everyone on here: "Have a good one, honey!"

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY!
Posted by Doris on Tue Apr 10 23:34:30 2001 (#5680)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON!!! Much love, have a great one! :)

Doris

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY! and MINE!!!!!!Attn Doris
Posted by Jue on Tue Apr 10 23:47:58 2001 (#5681)

Simon, I don't know you but we share the same birthday!!!!! I am 18 today and it has been a great day so far. I hope you are having a good day too. HaPpY bIrThDaY!!!!! Love, Julie

p.s. Doris i just want to say that i hope you don't leave this board because i was reading all the crap back there and it made me so sad. i also want to say that i am really getting help now and am feeling much better. i am going to see this lady that used to self-injure but now has devoted her life to helping people overcome self injury. She has organized a program called S.A.F.E. i can't remember what it stands for but it sounds very positive.

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY! and MINE!!!!!!Attn Doris
Posted by necrosis on Wed Apr 11 00:25:07 2001 (#5686)

Predictably 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ME ALSO'. Thanks for your e-mails

x

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY! and MINE!!!!!!Attn Doris
Posted by nec.... on Wed Apr 11 00:27:34 2001 (#5687)

whoops - & to you Jue!!!!!!

love & candles

x

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY! and MINE!!!!!!Attn Doris
Posted by Kate on Wed Apr 11 00:47:53 2001 (#5691)

Happy birthday!!!!!!

Julie
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 05:54:28 2001 (#5715)

Julie,

I am SO incredibly happy that you're getting help and that it seems to be working! I'm really proud of you and I wish you the very best of luck. I'll be praying for your continued improvement. I don't know if I'm leaving or not, we'll see. Thanks for the post - means a lot.

Love and strength,

Doris

Oh yeah, stupid me, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Re: SIMON'S BIRTHDAY!
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 01:47:10 2001 (#5700)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIMON AND JULIE!!!!

HEHEHE
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 10:53:05 2001 (#5722)

well since everyone already said happy b-day to u guys... then i'll say happy b-day to ME... HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOST!!! yayayyayya woooooowweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! (ok, so what if its not my birthday dammit, its my party and i'll cry if i want to.... so lets pretend its my b-day cuz i want some attention and some damn PRESENTS!!! what did u guys get me?)

Here's the thing......
Posted by Kate on Tue Apr 10 23:57:52 2001 (#5683)

I used to be the shyest, quietest person in high school and college. I was so nice and people took advantage of me. I am almost 23 now and a couple years ago I got fed up and all the pent up anger started coming out. Now I don't like many people. People still think I am the sweetest person but I feel hatred in me. I don't want to be this hateful person or the shy wallflower but I am having an identity crisis and don't know how to change. Help!!!! Sorry this was so long.

Re: Here's the thing......
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 01:49:21 2001 (#5701)

i know how hard, its not something that can be done overnight, but you have to learn to let the little things roll and use your energy to fight the big stuff... choose your battles, right?

Re: Here's the thing......
Posted by Butterfly on Wed Apr 11 02:50:31 2001 (#5704)

That sounds so much like me, sadly i don't know how to change either. I guess what i've just said doesn't help, i wouldn't have posted but i'm drunk again. sorry ignore me.

i still love you all Butterfly.

this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 00:36:13 2001 (#5688)

OK, this whole thing colin, and how rude I am....well you know what, you want to know about that than you better ask him. He has hurt me more than anyone knows here and I know thats not an excuse to be mean back...but ya I do hold a little bit of anger towards him, and I will say whatever the hell i want, because I think I've earned it with this situation. YOu put yourself out there for someone to see, and they turn around and cut you up. Not a good thing...so I will say whatever I please......if you have a problem, talk to colin! Actually don't! There's nothing to talk about other than Alana has left this fucking ugly place you call a home for good. Talk amongst yourselves and whine about how terrible life is while more important shit like children dying is going on in the world, alright!

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by Kate on Wed Apr 11 00:45:00 2001 (#5690)

I am not getting involved but I can't believe how much you sound like me. are you my clone? just kidding. You have a point about the starving children. I am not saying anyone whines here but I have begun to appreciate my life and what I have and helping others helps you believe in yourself and it has helped me feel like i have a soul.

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Wed Apr 11 00:59:15 2001 (#5694)

im just stating this. But what might hurt you, might now hurt me or someone else. its impossible to say that he hurt someone worse than another. you can say that he hurt you alot, but thats your opion, AND!!! can this please just get over with and go onto the next subject?:

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 01:04:34 2001 (#5695)

sorry Ignorance, i didn't mean it like that, I meant that he was hurt me more than anybody knows about, meaning, you don't realy know what happened. I wasn't comparing or anything. Sorry!

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 01:54:45 2001 (#5702)

you dont live in the past Alana? get over it....everyone gets rejected, move on!

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 04:43:38 2001 (#5708)

Rejection from what? Colin? Man, you really don't know much. I barely complain about how shitty my life is because I don't believe that myself. When I first came here, I was too much into self pity, and after reading all the shit that goes on here, I realized, whats the point if all that comes from self pity is more hatred for yourself. And I don't want that in my life anymore. The whole weed thing..let me explain, yes I do know its bad, but at least I'm not playing stupid talking about how I didn't know it would affect me...and I know my limits. Lets see, 14 motrin or a blunt. To escape from reality I think I'll pick the spliff..its a little less risky not to mention hilarious! Alright! SO EVERYONE GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 05:21:49 2001 (#5710)

oh go fuck yourself. if it all means so little to you and you dont want to play this game then fuck off and leave us to deal with our own crap.

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 10:48:21 2001 (#5721)

go fuck myself? what vulgar language... and just to let u know, don't say it like it such a bad thing cuz actually, its quite normal and REAL FUN! :) have a good day (think of a better insult next time... thanks

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 13:00:26 2001 (#5723)

LOST: is that to me?? my "go fuck yourself" was directed at Alana

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by Lost on Wed Apr 11 16:34:50 2001 (#5730)

no, it was to her...

Re: this whole colin thing..stop
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 21:44:17 2001 (#5756)

why the fuck do you have to keep bringing me up?>??

ALANA....
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 01:46:21 2001 (#5699)

could u please just get over yourself? stop being a hater ok? if you're gonna leave... then PEACE OUTTIES... stop threatening to leave if ur not really going to. You're causing too much drama up in here... and u keep talking about YOURSELF... how much COLIN HURT YOU and all that stuff, so really its NOT all good with u and ur weed is it? nope. ur sad... and ur frustrated and u want things to get better for urself and since its not, u would rather focus on OTHER PEOPLES negatives then ur own. focus on urself getting better instead of how shitty ur life is and maybe u'll get better... and stop denying the fact that ur just as fucked up as the rest of us, otherwise u wouldn't be here...

Re: ALANA....
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 01:57:20 2001 (#5703)

i agree, Alana you should try to see how fucked up you are before you criticize others...the TRUTH, right? whats your truth? doing weed is better than ODing? No, both have serious long term effects....deal with your own crap dont take it out on suzie.

Re: ALANA....
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 04:33:11 2001 (#5706)

My life is not shitty, and I'm the first to admit that. Its great, and I feel privaelaged to even be a part of this world. And I will admit that I WAS fucked up, and yah I might be now, but at least I live in reality, and am getting help.

Re: ALANA....
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 04:34:58 2001 (#5707)

oh yes, and weed is good!

Re: ALANA....
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 05:25:13 2001 (#5711)

weed is not good. that alone shows you are fucked up in the head...or just plain dumb as a doornail. if your life isnt fucked up then you could realize that people her are looking for attention and help.. if your life is so fucking great why do you have nothing better to do than post crap about other people? can we say DENIAL?

Re: ALANA....
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 05:49:49 2001 (#5714)

can we say boredom

Re: ALANA....
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 10:35:21 2001 (#5719)

i can say DENIAL!!! now lets see if alana can. and NO its not boredom dumb ass, u came looking for SOMETHING. try reading a book or something and educate urself instead of talking shit to people online... HELLO. and if it really is boredom then that shows how great u feel about urself since all u can do with ur time is talk shit to other people to make urself feel better. i'm glad i'm not bored like u are. i guess its a new kind of boredom huh? u know, no ones ever really been told to leave here before, but i really think its time for u to get ur shit and get to fuckn walkin. be bored somewhere else... don't be SOOO lame that u blame ur hatefullness on BOREDOM come on now girl i know u can do better than that.

Re: ALANA....
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 13:02:44 2001 (#5724)

*APPLAUDS*

thank you LOST, well said

Re: ALANA....
Posted by alana on Wed Apr 11 13:32:41 2001 (#5728)

now that you just told me to leave...well I think I'll stick around and bug you all some more. Hahaha, and educate myself? Holy shit, you really dont know much.

Re: ALANA....
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 21:49:19 2001 (#5757)

sweetie, im not telling you this because i want to be a bitch, im just trying to help. and girl, you need help. that last comment only demenstrates (i cant spell, sorry about that) that you are having probs,. just admit themn, dont take it out on us

bewilderment
Posted by Suzie on Wed Apr 11 04:01:37 2001 (#5705)

well for now i am back. i have a sever block on all access and sometimes they wont even let me go online. and all the time they are either lurking around the corner and up my butt the whole time that i am on. always wanting to know where i am at, who i am talking to. if i dont know the person personally that i am talking to than im not allowed to talk to them. recently alot of people have become "friends from Beaver Cross (my camp) or what not" so ive been going ok for a while. they only times i actually have been able to go to like any sites was at school. I mean i couldnt even go to my harry potter site (i know, its a kiddy thing some may thing, but i like it alot)

yesterday when i was sent to the mental hospital they said they would hospitalize me if they had to. but they are putting me in intensive thearapy. 3 days durring the weel (mon, tues, thurs) i have to go to a group thearapy with other kids my age for 3 hours each session. this is better than going to some therapists room. and just kinda sitting there. on fridays i also have to go to this psycotherapist. i dont know who it is now, first it was dr Braun, than Darcy. its some new person now. oh well

while i was sitting in the ladys office and my parents were sitting there telling darcy about me. and i found out that the person i had taken to talking to told my parents everything. and that really hurt. i mean he knew that my parents knew about the cutting. and i didnt say anything serious or anything about me wanting to hurt myself. but it just really hurt that he did that to me. i mean he said he would never tell anyone. than he went and told my parents everything. this is the second person who did this. One person told the social worker everything i said after i had said it, and i guesse it was my own ignorance that lead to that. but owell. today when i was walking home from school i went to Fr MIkes (the guy who told my parents everything) house and was like, why didi you do that, and he tried to lecter me, and im like, no i didnt come to get lectured. i want to know why, and heslike, i didnt think it was going outside your privacy or something to that like. after he told me he didnt think it was wrong i left and went home. he';s like stay and talk and i was like, noo i came to ask and i found out and now im going to go. well when i got home my mother was in a VERY bad mood, and wouldnt tell me why, so i checked the caller id and fr mike had called just befor i got home, no doubt telling my mom. that hurt, i just feel rather betreyed.

hey sorry for comming here and posting like this. but i now have my access back (partly) and i dont really have anyone to talk to, so thanks for listening.

love

suzie

Re: bewilderment
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 04:55:05 2001 (#5709)

I hope you do get better...yes I do! So good luck.

Re: bewilderment
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 05:31:42 2001 (#5712)

I am so sorry about fr mike...i hope your new therapist and therapy groups can help u. tell me if there is anything i can do for you...i hope youll be ok. Alana- you are more mature than i thought. i hope you truly mean what you said.

Re: bewilderment
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 21:51:22 2001 (#5758)

holy flying cow poop, are you being serious?? thanks, really thanks

Re: bewilderment
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 23:25:11 2001 (#5776)

Fuck you suzie, yah I was being serious...but now I'm thinking you should have downed the whole bottle of motrin. Finish what you started if you're going to be like that.

Re: bewilderment
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:36:37 2001 (#5794)

what the fudge was that for? i wasnt being sarcastic, i really ment thank you. it wasnt a joke, and i wasnt kidding.

Re: bewilderment
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 06:04:05 2001 (#5716)

Suzie,

We are ALWAYS here if you want to talk. I'm sorry that you feel betrayed. Just know that everyone on this board loves you and is hoping and praying for your improvement - whatever it takes. Please be well.

Love and strength,

Doris

FYI: Jue
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 05:33:23 2001 (#5713)

S.A.F.E. = Self Abuse Finally Ends

i have heard a lot about SAFE programs and they sound wonderful...good luck

Re: FYI: Jue
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 21:53:15 2001 (#5759)

ive read about it in a book called "the bright red scream" they said it requires you to completly stop cutting while in the program, and for somepeople, that is really hard. but for others its good. it really depends on the person. THanks

???
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 06:25:30 2001 (#5718)

Hey, just wondering...

Does anyone need me here? Does anyone think that I should stay? Sorry to be so dramatic, I'm just really discourged. I love you all with all my heart, but I can't deal with this judging and attacking going on. I have ENOUGH people in my life calling me f*cked up, I don't need it from people I don't even know. I don't need it from my peers who are supposed to support me unconditionally in our mutual struggle with SI, with depression, with suicidal thoughts. We're supposed to be there for each other and instead we're turning our backs and dismissing the other's problems. I have been told that I care about people too much, and because of that I tend to put too much emphasis on what one person says. I just can't stand us betraying each other. Let me know if I should stay, cuz I'm not so sure. Thanks.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: ???
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 10:43:06 2001 (#5720)

get the hell out of here with all that nonsense girl. KEEP UR ASS HERE!!!! :) and since u said that i rock or something like that, then u should not take my opinion lightly :) RIGHT??? right! so stay dammit! :) i like u here :)

Re: ???
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 13:06:06 2001 (#5725)

DORIS: girl you have to have to have to stay...please please please pleaseplease.....you are such a stable force. everytime i think its too hard to keep myself from cutting i think wow, there are people out there like you who can kick this bitch so i can too, right? we need you here. you are our voice of reason....please stay....your posts mean more to people than you could ever realize.

Re: ???
Posted by Angel on Wed Apr 11 13:06:34 2001 (#5726)

I think u should stay, realy you are one of the calmest people on here. You give good advice to those who want to stop because you have been through it. Personally I dont want to stop, the sensation drives me mad. I havent even got a reason any more. Angel xx

Re: ???
Posted by Jue on Wed Apr 11 20:56:53 2001 (#5736)

Doris you had better stay here. honestly you have to. well no it is your choice but here's to hoping!!!!!!!! i certainly hope you do because you are so soooo helpful. One more thing i hope this doesn't make you mad but i printed out your poem, HELL, because i like it soo much and when i feel like why why why why can't i just end my life i read your poem. i can't describe how it makes me feel. i hope you don't think i am weird or anything but it makes me feel such an urgency to get better. i have let other people read it too i hope you don't mind. this coming up monday i am going to vancouver, bc, canada and am going to meet with that lady i was telling you about, i am really excited. (i live in this really small hick town three hours from vancouver and i am moving to vancouver next year which is why my mom wanted me to go to there for help.) sorry this post is supposed to be about you, but in a round about way it is because you were the first person that talked to me on this site and told me to go back to therapy. so please please don't leave because you mean a lot to me even though you don't really know me. sorry for rambling.

Love Julie.

awww...*tear*
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 21:04:07 2001 (#5742)

You guys are THE BEST!!! I love you guys so much, thanks for wanting me to stay. I was always wondering if I was helping people. Jue - I can't believe you printed out my poem! I cried when I read that - it means SO much to me!!! I never knew my poetry would have any effect on people! I'm SO glad that you're motivated to get better!!! I won't ditch you through this, I promise!

I'm sorry I waivered on you guys... here I am supposed to be the one to try to help everyone and now I'm asking for gratification. I'm sorry, I just needed to know that I was needed. Now I do... and I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your kind posts. I will continue to post and do my damndest to try to help anyone I can!!!

Well... thank you guys. I love you all.

Love and strength,

Doris

PS. LOST - you really do rock, you know! :)

Re: ???
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 21:05:10 2001 (#5743)

heehee i printed it too. thank you Doris it is such a wonderful poem. it gives me reason to be.

Re: ???
Posted by Jue on Wed Apr 11 21:08:44 2001 (#5745)

i am getting that warm and fuzzy feeling ha ha ha i am also grinning like a chesire. love you all. Julie

Re: ???
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 21:11:46 2001 (#5749)

That means SO much to me!!!! Aww, I've never been happier, thank you guys so much! :) :) :) :)

Doris

Re: ???
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 21:55:38 2001 (#5760)

hey sweetie ,

even though i havent been posting alot, when i did you were there. i mean you posted to me and made me feel so much better. and when colin posted , you replyed to it. little words mean so much. even a simple, wow i hope she gets better, can change a persons life., so please dont feel that no one needs you, because girl, im sitting and typing this looking at all these peps that replyed, and it looks like they need you, and want you, so be assured, you kick ass in the helping area

love

suzie

Re: ???
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:19:04 2001 (#5783)

Thank you, Suzie. And, for what it's worth, I sincerely do hope that you get better soon. I love ya, hun. Be well.

Love and strength,

Doris

L
Posted by Angel on Wed Apr 11 13:08:26 2001 (#5727)

hey we posted at the exact same time if u noticed?? i hope u see this. i could use someone to talk to. Angel xx

Re: L
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 20:49:59 2001 (#5735)

sorry, i was in a hurry. i would have loved to talk. i dont want to post my IM name here in case my parents or friends happen to see this site but i'll try your email.

L is the most fucked
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 13:37:27 2001 (#5729)

YOu wanna talk about boredom...look you at you ya fuckin cow...you've posted just as much as me. I'm finding this hilarious, that what I have to say really gets you all going like this. So you think you can kick this bitch our of here? Guess again, I'm going to be shitting on you where ever you go here, and whatever the hell shit you say. Hah, tsk tsk, shouldn't have told me to leave, I was just about to, but uh...nope, I'm just starting.

LOST is the most fucked
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 16:43:30 2001 (#5731)

it was ME that told u to leave... not her... so get it straight. and i don't care if u stay or leave (though i prefer u LEAVE)... and the only reason what u say gets me going at all is because u sound so IGNORANT and i HATE people being ignorant (but i guess u can't help it) and as for shitting on me wherever i go... hmmmmmmmmmm thats good... i'm so threatened by u "shitting" on me ONLINE. LOL thats the dumbest thing i've ever heard... "ohhh wherever u go on this message board, i'll follow you" hahahhahhhahaha woooooooweeeeeeeee i better just stay in one place then... i don't want u to have to run all over the place and follow me. that would be too much drama.

Re: LOST is the most fucked
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 20:57:23 2001 (#5738)

OOOHHH NOOO!!!! I am so scared. stupid little alana is gonna post nasty stuff about me! oh better stop posting. the only thing is that i dont claim to have anything better to do with my life. suzie means a lot to me...she has helped me through some tough shit. i really dont care if you stay or leave becuase i dont haeve to read your posts. if you wanna write shit everytime i post be my guest but dont expect me to waste energy fighting you every time. LOST is right you are a stupid ignorant fuck so say whatever you want. It doesnt bother me. It makes me mad when you trash suzie but when you write NONSENSE as stupid as this post it just makes me laugh. You with your grand great life with nothing better to do than stalk someone called "L" on and ONLINE message board. I'm here to help others, help myself, and find understanding in those who are similar to me so if you dont like that then tough shit i dont care...you can post anything you want.

hmm.... who is the most f*cked? I wonder...
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 20:57:16 2001 (#5737)

Alana,

You are a very disturbed human being to talk sh*t about people for fun. I know you're enjoying every second that we get all upset with you - that is very sick.

I say that if you won't leave, if you INSIST on staying here and making everyone all upset for FUN... then we should just stop reading posts by Alana. This board is for people who want help or want to give help... not for seriously derranged people who f*ck with others' heads as a game. You're sick. Post all you want, who gives a f*ck.

Doris

Re: hmm.... who is the most f*cked? I wonder...
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 21:03:16 2001 (#5741)

thank you Doris...nicely said. From now on i will stop reading Alana's posts

Re: L is NOT the most fucked
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:04:47 2001 (#5761)

i just want to say that L is like, my best friend in the world, i mean... shes the one that called the posion control center, and i mean with out her. all this shit would be um.... about 50 million times worse, so if this is or isnot alana, no matter who it is, who ever wrote this is so low, because L is probabaly the best person i have ever met, and to attack her like that was not only wrong, rude but the fact that you said you would stay and continue to taunt her only shows your level of maturity.

i honestly hope you relize just how wrong you were.

love

suzie

Re: L is NOT the most fucked
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 22:24:13 2001 (#5766)

Oh suzie i love you so much!!! you have been such a great friend...i dont know how i would be dealing with my life without you. you are my angel! All my love!

I'm confused...
Posted by Kate on Wed Apr 11 18:30:11 2001 (#5732)

i WAS WONDERING ARE L and Lost the same person. I thought they were but they appear to be not. I just wanted to know because L has replied to some of my posts and was very helpful, I thought it was Lost L short for lost. Oh well I'm a dumb ass.

Re: I'm confused...
Posted by L on Wed Apr 11 20:58:39 2001 (#5739)

no, i am not LOST...just L. sorry about the confusion. and i am glad if i have helped you in anyway. you certainly have helped me.

Re: I'm confused...
Posted by Jue on Wed Apr 11 21:05:42 2001 (#5744)

can i refer to you as "elle" ??????? i am just kind of dumb but thanks for telling me what S.A.F.E. meant. i am really excited about going to see the lady on monday!!!!! heh heh i don't know her name yet. oops.

Julie

Re: I'm confused...
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 21:09:06 2001 (#5746)

formerly known as "L" will now post as elle maybe less confusion

Julie
Posted by Doris on Wed Apr 11 21:10:01 2001 (#5747)

Julie -

I wish you the best of luck when you see that lady!!! I'm so excited for you! I will be praying that all goes well and that you'll be on your way to getting better really soon! Keep strong, you're doing so well! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: Julie
Posted by Jue on Wed Apr 11 21:12:00 2001 (#5750)

thank-you i am still smiling you are such a source of encouragement.

Re: Julie
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 21:13:09 2001 (#5752)

Yeah, tell us about her ok? SAFE sounds like a great program.

Re: Julie
Posted by Jue on Wed Apr 11 21:14:50 2001 (#5753)

i will for sure

Re: Julie
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:09:52 2001 (#5762)

safe? tell me how it is, well, duh you just said you would, sorry (brain fart) but anyways, im wondering if it is better than the poop hole i am currently in. DONKA (thank you in german)

love

suzie

Re: I'm confused...
Posted by Kate on Wed Apr 11 22:16:57 2001 (#5765)

Sorry u have to change your name. I am pretty stupid too. But Elle is a beautiful name.

YOU FUCKIN PSYCHOS!
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 21:01:18 2001 (#5740)

You all are such fucked-up whiners. I want nothing to do with you. I don't care what any of you think of me. You are a fuckin waste of time. I was trying to help but not anymore. For all I care you can go kill yourselves. Bye Forever!

Re: YOU FUCKIN PSYCHOS!
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 21:11:36 2001 (#5748)

Good Riddance

I didn't write any of that
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 21:12:00 2001 (#5751)

yah who the hell wrote all that shit and put my name there....thats wasn't me at all....you wonder who's fucked, how bout the people writing them

Re: I didn't write any of that
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 21:15:23 2001 (#5754)

and u think we are crazy? are u on pot or something?

Re: I didn't write any of that
Posted by ALana on Wed Apr 11 21:35:03 2001 (#5755)

I didn't write any of the stuff from today... I just got home from school, and for your information, no I'm not on "pot" (what are you in gr 6, only 12 year olds call it that) Weed is for the weekends!

suspector gadget
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:12:49 2001 (#5763)

sweetie, im not saying that you DID post them, but they fact that they are only 11 minutes apart leads to some questioning. and after all that has happened recently. how are we to belive you? im just wondering

Oops!
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:14:13 2001 (#5764)

it was sapossed to be titles INspector gadget, not suspector gadget, sorry about that, a little brain fart there

Re: suspector gadget
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 22:51:52 2001 (#5771)

please don't call me sweetie, I am not one of your little sweeties!

Re: suspector gadget
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:54:23 2001 (#5773)

i was using it as a generic term

Re: I didn't write any of that
Posted by LOST on Wed Apr 11 22:30:08 2001 (#5767)

well BOLOGNA! who the fushnickins is writing it? it isnt me :)

You guys suck
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 22:42:59 2001 (#5768)

You all really do! Holy ...last night I decided that this was just childish and stupid so I wasn't going to post anymore. And I visit today and someone is posting with my name starting things all over again. I didn't say any of that...why would I lie about this..so I could be friends with you all again, I don't want that and neither do all of you! I have no reason to lie about this. I don't lie about what I say. Alright!

Re: You guys suck
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:49:30 2001 (#5770)

im just wondering this right now, just a fleeting thought through out my mind. BUt if you didnt care, about us or anythiung, why would you be here telling us that you DIDNT write it?

ALANA SUCKS
Posted by elle on Wed Apr 11 22:55:53 2001 (#5774)

my point exactly: if you dont care then why do you post? for fun? thats truly twisted. grow up. how old are u?

ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by WeaZLe on Wed Apr 11 23:51:23 2001 (#5778)

okay....ive missed a bit here so i havent actually read EVERYTHING but i read all alana's mail and am i like the only person here who practically agrees with everything she says? i mean...i missed a bit....so i dont want to be putting my foot in my mouth here sorry if i offend someone i dont mean 4 that...but i agree with the thing that got everyone pissed, YOU LOT ARE HERE, CUZ U WANNA STOP CUTTING. RIGHT? YOU WANNA GIVE UP, YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY. YOU KNOW CUTTING IS JUST A VISCIOUS CIRCLE, INFACT NOT EVEN A CIRCLE, A DOWNWARD SPIRAL. SO WHY DOES EVERYBODY WHINGE WHEN THEY GET SOME HELP? SUZIE....MAYBE IT WASNT ATTENTION SEEKING, MAYBE IT WAS....I DONT KNOW. NOT MY PLACE TO JUDGE....BUT U GOTTA ADMIT IT LOOKS A BIT THAT WAY? AND SURELY, YOU WANTED SOME HELP FROM THIS LIFE IF UD DO THAT. IF U DIDNT DO IT FOR ATTENTION YOU NEED SOME HELP OBVIOUSLY, AND THAT DOESNT MAKE U WEAK WE ALL NEED HELP. BUT IF IT WAS ATTENTION SEEEKING....YOU WANT HELP, NOT JUST NEED. SO WHY R U MAKING SUCH A FUCKING FUSS ABOUT ALANA? ALANA HAS BEEN HERE LONGER THAN U (I THINK...CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG DEARY) AND FROM WHAT IVE SEEN SHES BEEN SUPPORTIVE AND NICE AND KIND...WE ALL GET A BREAKING POINT, THERES ONLY SO MUCH WHINING ONE CAN TAKE!!!! ARGH, ALANA IS RIGHT AND YOU LOT DONT WANNA ADMIT THAT YOUR WRONG. BLEEERGH!!!

sorry, i reallllllly had to let that out. sorry if i offended anybody, mwah, love y'all lot like jelly tots.

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:01:41 2001 (#5779)

i can admit when i am wrong., and im not saying that everything i have said was right, and i know MANY things i have said was wrong, and maby the reason things between me and Alana are so harsh is because there have been things that went down between us that no one knows about.

i didnt do it for attention, and i didnt plan on telling anyone till Elle (formelly L) called posion control center. i thought that something would happen, but it didnt, so i was like, eh, oh well. i only told because they said i would get like, kidneay disease and internal bleeding. i didnt think motrin would do anything BAD because i know people who have taken like, 20/30 and nothing has happened. and i have moved on past.

im sorry if you feel i cant accept other peoples opions. but i can. really, i can

i dont know who has been ehre longer, we have all been here a REALLY long time. so i dont know the answer to that question

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:04:43 2001 (#5780)

alana came on this date

I want it -- Alana -- 1/23/1 04:24

i came on this date

just one more time -- Suzie -- 1/18/1 22:39

so its a 5 day difference, so basically, there is no difference

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 00:24:03 2001 (#5785)

i wasnt nessacerily aiming that at u....i just dont think alana sucks and i didnt know what else to put so that just aimed at anyone who is remotely prejudced in like....the fucken...UNIVERSE....so u know...nothing personal there. jus felt like bein different after a pissy offy day.

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:27:18 2001 (#5787)

my title was not aimed at specifically as a personal attack at alana...i dont know her at all....i just wanted her to be on the other end of it. sorry if i offended u

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:24:37 2001 (#5786)

I am not disagreeing in theory about ALL that alana has said. i believe some of her comments were truthful and hard to accept. But, she needs to learn to express them in ways where it does not seem as if she is on a personal attack. and, i dont agree with her attitude. trashing people for fun and putting herself above us only makes things worse...but as i have said before, she can say whatever she wants.

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 00:34:35 2001 (#5791)

how can you say that is not a personal attack

ALANA SUCKS...

errr.....you think shes talking to me? hmmm no. sorry...im JUST ARGH i had a shit day okay!!!! im going to bed! im not blanking u, im asleep!

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:38:32 2001 (#5796)

haha

goodnight Weazle

love suzie

weazle
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:38:32 2001 (#5797)

Weazle,

I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Feel free to tell us about it... anytime! We're here to listen! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:45:19 2001 (#5806)

haha, nice all i meant was that i have no idea what kinda person alana is in real life so i do not have the authority to judge if she "sucks" or not. i just wanted her to see that starting a post with a title that attacks others here is not a good thing to do. noone feels good when they are insulted so if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all...and i know i have not followed my own advice so dont bother telling me. i will try harder in the future.

Re: ppl who cant take others having opinions suck
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 19:24:03 2001 (#5868)

i hear what y'all are saying, and maybe alana was harsh with her wording, but her basic point wasnt mean. its just the truth.

I go away for a few days and...
Posted by simon on Wed Apr 11 22:45:58 2001 (#5769)

well, what the hell's going on in here! haven't been in here since the weekend, and all hell seems to have broken loose! i haven't read thru all the bitchy messages put up here, but it's nice to see you guys have a bit of fight in you, it makes a change from the usual reading in here, and after my eventful birthday, it cheered me up immensely. don't "keep it up" tho, too much bickering gets tiresome after a while, tho it was funny to read among all those catty comments, a whole thread about my birthday- and yours julie, hope it was a good'un! thanks for all the messages everyone, at least some people were thinking of me, perhaps,(cuz my family certainly fuckin' weren't). for your information, i had a truely terrible day, almost ending with a broken glass picture of jesus being stabbed into my throat. (how's that for religious guilt...) but i'm ok now, much calmer! so thanks for all the messages again, and i'll let you get on with your cat fight!!!

Re: I go away for a few days and...
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 22:52:10 2001 (#5772)

I THINK The cat fight is winding its way on down

Re: I go away for a few days and...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:29:22 2001 (#5789)

simon you crack me up.

Re: I go away for a few days and...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:29:50 2001 (#5790)

simon you crack me up. i am glad someone finds this amusing, heehee. :o)

Re: I go away for a few days and...
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 00:41:05 2001 (#5800)

With all do respect please don't call women cats. I hate the term cat fight. IT is so sexist, sorry if I am sound bitchy. I listen to too much feminist music. Love ya!

Kate

why I bother...
Posted by Alana on Wed Apr 11 23:19:38 2001 (#5775)

I bother because I'm defending myself, its bad enough that I was a bitch before...and then someone just added to it, so maybe you can see why I'm trying to let you guys see that it wasn't me who posted today at all! Its not even my style of writing! When I talk bad about you guys, I'll admit, like elle, I think you are such a little mother fucker, and suzie, ya I don't like you but if you think about it you were the one who started this all by writing that post to me....my first post wasn't even directed to you, it was to tell everyone that getting help and your parents trying to help you isn't all that bad. Alright, so technically you started it.

what the fudge nuggets
Posted by suzie on Wed Apr 11 23:38:55 2001 (#5777)

this post, isnt starting it? im sorry i know i shouldnt post, but that was wrong. way wrong. it wasnt about how i need help, that was a little part but... i dont.. i dont know what to say anymore... i dont care.. i dont want to post on this stupid little fight anymroe

Well you know what, instead of listening to suzie whine about it, how bout we look at this as a good thing were she could get help. This might not be so awful if she just opened her eyes and realized that taking 14 motrin isn't exactly sane behaviour. Its attention seeking when you don't want to die, and she didn't want to. IF she was looking for attention she should have expected that her parents were going to take action, even if its not what she wanted. It doesn't matter what she wants anymore. What she has to do, and what we all have to do is to stop whining about it, and start taking responsibility for it. Sitting in your room crying about it and getting so involved in conversation with colin about it so that he doesn't even have time to say HI to anyone else, isn't going to get anyone anywhere. I mean Colin, isn't that why you left the board, so you wouldn't have to deal with others problems. Hmmm, and what are you doing now with suzie? "Sorry I'm really involved right now" You always are and always will be.... Anyways, that doesn't really matter anymore. We can't be acting all mad at suzie's parents about this, they are trying aren't they? Yah, I think so, so lets not feel sorry for her anymore, just wish her luck and hope things work out. And if they don't, try again.

suzie
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:13:17 2001 (#5781)

Suzie,

Yes, you should post. Everyone here wants to know how you are. And PLEASE don't worry about "whining"! EVERYONE whines, people! Why can't we just let each other and listen! We don't have to say "Oh, you poor thing, I'm so very sorry." But, the LEAST we can do is listen! And I, for one, will ALWAYS listen to you, Suzie. So please keep posting. We love you.

Doris

Re: why I bother...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:41:08 2001 (#5801)

you're right, getting help can be a good thing. suzie knows that, i think. she is in a bad situation right now. i feel that she is a strong person who can help herself. maybe she will be able to find support in her therapy or with her parents but that is for her to discover and not for me to comment on.

i am a little mother fucker. i know i am. my life is fuckin screwed up, i know i am a psycho. i go to school and i feel so alone, i look at all the people who dont understand me. when i came here i thought i found people who would support me and try to understand me based on their own personal experiences. and i have found many wonderful people. i have had practically the worst days of my life this week. i feel so close to suicide but i am not going to die. i will fight to the end. and i am sorry if i have taken it out on you alana. its just that suzie has been my saving grace lately and it mad me so mad to see you criticizing her. and like you said...that could be because there is an aspect of truth and reality in all the things you say. maybe you could make people understand that truth better if you think about how you say things before you post them. i really hope that my being fucked up has not cost u too much energy, i am not worth it. you dont even know me and i dont know you. so no more, ok? its over. i want nothing to do with any of this.

elle
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:46:25 2001 (#5807)

Elle,

Why are you so sad? Is is because of everything that was happening on the board? Is that why you're "so close to death"? It really makes me sad to read that. You're such a strong presence on this board - your posts really mean a lot to me. Please tell us why you're so sad... maybe we can help. Love you!

Doris

Re: elle
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 00:51:27 2001 (#5809)

I agree. I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I wish there is something I can do. YOu have certainly given me good advice.

Re: elle
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:56:38 2001 (#5812)

i love you guys. its just good to know that there is someone out there that will help me deal with my emotions and allow me to get things out in the open rather then shoving them down into my soul. it helps so much to be able to express myself here. *BIG HUGS FOR ALL*

Re: elle
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:54:10 2001 (#5811)

i have so much shit in my life...like nothing i have ever had to deal with. its just been too much for me. i am not good at confrontation and dealing with emotions and all the secrets in my life, my family's and my friend's have been pushed out into the open for me to confront since my parents found out about cutting...and having to try and STOP cutting on top of that is just a lot to deal with. thanks for your concern.

Re: why I bother...
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:57:20 2001 (#5813)

hey sweetie. i really hope that your ok,. i meajn, well duh i am talking to you rigth now. but everyword that you have ever said to me has made me so much happier. you have been like, the light in my life (sappy, hehe i know but its true) its been easier because of you,. its hard enough doing this alone, but it makes it so much better to have someone like you to help me throught it. thank you so much. i dont think you know just how much i need to thank you,. \

love

suzie

Re: why I bother...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:04:42 2001 (#5819)

((((HUG))))

i want candy dun dun dun dun dun dun
Posted by LOST on Thu Apr 12 00:16:32 2001 (#5782)

hey hey hey! now children lets just all forget about all this drama ok? everyone has a diff opinion and i guess we have to respect that (even tho opinions should be expressed with such harsh words sometimes) and you all know that we have BETTER shit to do with our time then sit here and talk shit about other people... this isn't a SI board, it seems more like a big room full of girls who are all on their period and theres only one piece of chocolate left. i mean HELLO lets get our priorities straight ok guys? just get over it and start helping eachother again.

:)
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:20:55 2001 (#5784)

Well said, LOST. Amen, sister. :)

Doris

Re: i want candy dun dun dun dun dun dun
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 00:35:12 2001 (#5792)

Amen to that sister.

Re: i want candy dun dun dun dun dun dun
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:45:18 2001 (#5805)

haha, your're too funny

Re: i want candy dun dun dun dun dun dun
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 00:49:50 2001 (#5808)

amen, nice words....*sigh*

if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by black rose on Thu Apr 12 00:29:15 2001 (#5788)

if ne 1 noticed I've been gone for almost a week now...I've been getting used to my meds and stopped cutting for a few days...but then I just couldnt help myself and cut my stomach deep enough for stitches but didnt do ne thing about it!(Stupid...huh?) I haven't really had time to come online that much and I'm soo sry if I never got to answer ne posts! I'll b on whenever possible! I'm hope atleast some1 noticed I was gone...o well if no1 did...it doesnt matter! I g2g! bye Christine

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:36:17 2001 (#5793)

Christine,

I noticed! I've been emailing you, trying to figure out how you've been doing. I'm glad you're getting used to your meds - I know they're a pain in the ass.

I have missed you, Chris. I am SO glad that you stopped for a few days!!! If you can do a few days you can do longer!!! Start out with stopping for two days, then three, then four, and so on. You can do it! I know you can! It's a really big step - you can go longer!

Well, the thing is - I won't be on AIM all that much at all. I left school so I'm at home now. I'll be home for probably another month or two then I'm starting another school. (I can't be online too much at home cuz it ties up the phone line.) So, if you want to contact me either post or email me, okay hun? Please keep in touch! I miss you!!! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 00:37:17 2001 (#5795)

I was wondering what happened to you also. And Falling Hawk.

Falling Hawk...
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:40:47 2001 (#5799)

Yeah... where's Falling Hawk?

Re: Falling Hawk...
Posted by black rose on Thu Apr 12 00:44:43 2001 (#5804)

falling hawk will not be coming to the board that often at all! I dont know if she quit comin all together or not

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:53:46 2001 (#5810)

well, you didnt miss much

but are you ok? why did you cut again? did you get the stiches, oh i hope you ok,

love

suzie

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:02:56 2001 (#5817)

i noticed too...i thought maybe you were avoiding all the crap thats been going on here. i am glad you are back. i hope you are ok. those few days are something to be proud of. i did two whole days this weekend. yeah us! baby steps...baby steps....

YEY!!!
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 06:49:38 2001 (#5851)

Good job, Elle!!! Two days is great!!! Keep it up, I'm so proud of you! YEY!!

Doris

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by black rose on Fri Apr 13 20:05:55 2001 (#5966)

I didnt get the stitches...but I'm feeling better now! Ig2g Christine

Re: if ne 1 noticed....
Posted by little baby nothing on Thu Apr 12 19:25:51 2001 (#5869)

we did notice you werent here we were just grateful.

kiddin

woah
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:40:35 2001 (#5798)

um ok i think this is off point, but then the newest post is posted dose it say new on your guys. because on Doris's post Weazle it says NEW! oh well, maby i am seeing things, oh great

Re: woah
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 00:42:32 2001 (#5802)

Yeah, I noticed that too. It says NEW!: and then the name of the post. I think it's cool. :)

Re: woah
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 00:43:19 2001 (#5803)

We are all on together because I see it too.

Re: woah
Posted by suzie on Thu Apr 12 00:59:27 2001 (#5815)

i was like, what the he(double hockey sticks) is that?? lol. owell, atleast i know im not alone, elle dosent see it, so i thought i was seeing things, hehe, thanks

Re: woah
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:07:50 2001 (#5820)

boo hoo....i am so sad. feeling left out! :') j/k.

why is it...
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 00:58:13 2001 (#5814)

Why is it that when somebody finally agrees with me, everything is ok? Well you know what, its not like weazle said it in the nicest words possible either, so why is it any different from what I said. Its not...you guys are just weird. You guys are such fakes.

Re: why is it...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 01:00:55 2001 (#5816)

"you guys are just weird. You guys are such fakes."

thats why.

Re: why is it...
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 01:03:31 2001 (#5818)

well if you act like that...ya you are. YOu know what suzie you and colin deserve eachother cuz he does the same thing to me. He's all yours...

Re: why is it...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:10:19 2001 (#5821)

i am a fake freak...ok, whatever. i am just sick of this, its over. no more drama.

Re: why is it...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 02:55:52 2001 (#5832)

what? why would i WANT colin, he is my friend, that is all. why cant you see this, you are always mad at me and think that i want colin or something. I AM JUST FRIENDS !!!!! please see that!

Re: why is it...
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 06:12:03 2001 (#5846)

I didn't say you wanted him, I said that you two deserve eachother...as friends..get it yet?

drugs
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:15:13 2001 (#5822)

to all those out there who do drugs i hope that you can see what it is doing to your life. my father is a drug addict and having to deal with that is so hard. he's been lying to me my whole life. it is a horrible thing. i just want you to realize the impact that drugs can have on others. i was looking back and i think one of the reasons i have been so harsh with alana is becuase of her casual attitude toward drugs. let me just tell you all that if you do drugs and decide to keep doing them, consider the impact that it could have on your family, your children, your future spouse. it has caused so much damage in my house i just wish there was some way i could help the others out there before their situations blow up like mine did.

Re: drugs
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 01:20:52 2001 (#5824)

Uhhh, I am no druggie. I hardly say that smoking weed once a week classifies me as a drug addict. Nor will I be a drug addict, cuz I wouldn't do anything to screw up my future.

Re: drugs
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:33:46 2001 (#5825)

i hope not. life is valuable. i think though for my dad it started as a casual habit back in the 60s and as time passed his dependence increased. please be safe.

Re: drugs
Posted by LOST on Thu Apr 12 02:05:46 2001 (#5829)

ALANA, with drugs, u don't choose to screw up your future. at first u do it just for fun, then u do it to escape, then u do it because u HAVE to... and usually weed leads to more drugs... the amount of time for this to happen depends on YOU. it could take a day, it could take a year, it could take 5 yrs... but eventually it WILL happen. I've been down that path before already and it cuase SOOOO much bullshit in my life... and i'm headed down that same path again right now, and i'm at the escape stage. so just watch ur ass when it comes to drugs because addiction will kick ur ass and it'll sneak up on u.

Re: drugs
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 02:43:04 2001 (#5830)

addiction does not only ruin your life. it can ruin the lives of those who are not even born yet. trust me, anyone who has kids or will have kids in the future, you dont want them to have to deal with your crap. drugs will affect them

Re: drugs
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 06:13:38 2001 (#5847)

Thanks for the heads up but I've been smoking up for about 3 years now...so I don't think I have a problem nor will I

Re: drugs
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 02:59:11 2001 (#5833)

((hugs))

Re: drugs
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 06:53:27 2001 (#5852)

I'm sorry about your dad. You're so strong to post a message like that - I admire your strength. Stay strong.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: drugs
Posted by drugs are bad mmmmkay....most of the time on Thu Apr 12 19:31:30 2001 (#5870)

poor you, i sympathyse,but heyyyyyyyyy Dope aint bad!!! just the rest.....MARIJUANA is great s'long as you dont let it control you, ya gotta keep on top. but its suchhhh a good escape. if we all smoked pot just a LITTLE more, we'd all cut a little less i think....like i say it aint gonna solve ya problems or whateva....and u gotta be good. dont be goin off the end fucking...smoking it evryday and everynight and doing all....E and Speed and shit like that. anyway, gotta shoot. mwah.

STOPPING
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:18:57 2001 (#5823)

why is it that no matter how much i convince myself i want to stop cutting the more i feel like it is a good thing to do? i hoard sharp objects. i pull nails and tacks out of the walls and buy razors whenever i can. most of the time i end up throwing them out or giving them to my therapist, but why do i feel the need to have sharp things close to me? AAAHH!! it's like i am addicted to carrying them around.

Re: STOPPING
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 03:33:14 2001 (#5835)

hey i do that too, sometimes i carry razors around in my pocket at schol, i dont necesaraly (spell again) need to cut, but its just having them there, so i understand

Re: STOPPING
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 06:47:42 2001 (#5850)

I know... I used to carry around thumb tacks. And, I used a key a few times. I just wanted to respond to tell you that quitting gets easier. First you think about it every day... then every week... then every month.. and after a while you barely think about it at all. Please stay strong and keep it up!

Love and strength,

Doris

curiosity
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:48:05 2001 (#5826)

alana, just out of curiosity, how old are you?

Re: curiosity
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 03:34:14 2001 (#5836)

i am 193 years old

Re: curiosity
Posted by Columbo on Thu Apr 12 05:02:31 2001 (#5842)

Suzie......I'm curious......Why did you answer Elle's question to Alana?????hmmmmmmmm ya got me wondering. Are you having problems with dissociation.....that would explain why Alana says someone else posted for her this afternoon. Just an idea...

Re: curiosity
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 13:03:00 2001 (#5857)

EEWWW!!! suzie answered all my posts. it was just a joke. lighten up

read
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 01:57:02 2001 (#5827)

i know i have been wary of giving out personal details incase anyone i knows in real life comes across this board, but if any of you want to e-mail me i can now be reached at: cutter_elle@hotmail.com

Re: read
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 03:03:49 2001 (#5834)

I wouldn't worry about anyone knowing you. MY real name is Kate and at one point I posted my last name on accident. I think I am the only person from Ohio.

why is it so hard?
Posted by *me* on Thu Apr 12 02:00:13 2001 (#5828)

So now that I can't cut for a few weeks it's making me crazy. I've wanted to sooo bad lately. The only thing that's keeping me from doing it is that I know that I can't have people find out, and if I cut my doctor would definitely find out, and then tell my parents, and I can't handle that. I was fighting so hard today not to cut. I wanted to, I really did. Has anyone noticed how much more you want to cut when you know you can't???

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 02:47:28 2001 (#5831)

definitly, i know if i cut more right now i will feel guilty and tell my therapist and she will tell my parents and then they will send me away to the hospital. yet, the more i dont want to cut the more i do, ya know? i keep relapsing and i have no one to tell. i am not strong enough. GOOD LUCK. Hang in there. you can do it! Everytime you feel like cutting post here or e-mail me, ok? good luck hon, stay strong.

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 03:37:58 2001 (#5837)

oh yes, i do i realize it so much. its always there, always pulling up behind you squishing you just when you dont want it. i know, it sucks ,

it feels bad about cutting, but soon, each day the erdge will get less, and each time you resist cutting you get stronger, so dont worry, it will all be ok

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 06:43:57 2001 (#5849)

Oh, sweetie, I know how hard it is. FOUR MONTHS BABY!!!! Sorry. :)

Seriously, it does get harder at first, but after a while it'll get easier. At first, it's ok to stop because you don't want people to find out (that's how I started) and then, after a while, you don't do it anymore because you KNOW you can't. You know that you'd hate yourself afterwards. You know that if you've come this far then you can go farther.

I'd love to tell you that four months later I don't think about it anymore. But, I do. I have good nights, bad nights, and reeeally bad nights. But, I know I can't. And knowing that I can't is a good feeling after a while. It will get better, I promise. Just hang in there!!! If I did it, anyone can!!!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by *me* on Thu Apr 12 18:24:05 2001 (#5865)

I don't know if I can stop. I just don't know. I don't know. The only reason I stopped for these 2 weeks is so the cuts I do have will heal and there won't be any new ones for my doctor to see. I don't even know if I WANT to stop. I cut or punch myself when I can't take things that are happening in my life. If I stop, I don't know what I would do.

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 03:52:27 2001 (#5920)

do you go to a therapist? maybe you should...i am struggling with trying to decided i REALLY want to stop. part of me knows it, but part of me LOVES to cut. maybe i am just fucked.

Re: why is it so hard?
Posted by *me* on Fri Apr 13 05:15:44 2001 (#5932)

No I don't go to a therapist. No one knows i si. I don't think I want anyone to know - I'm scared.

Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Apr 12 03:45:42 2001 (#5838)

i am so upset at him. i cant stand him right now. i mean he is sapossed to be holy and all this crap. and he totally scewed me over, i am so frigging pissed off at him. and it hurts so much. i was so close to him, like this thisclose., but actually, i was closer than that. and than that night in the hospital, i called him, i told him and he told my parents and they sent me there, but that night befor i talked to the cousler i talked to fr mike about everything, like why who i feel, even about people at school and stuff, and he runns and tells my mother EVERYTHING. and i mean i said nothing like i will ever do it again, and i was just going to talk to a counsler, and it hurt so friggen much,. i have never felt this betreyd befor. monday i went there and asked him why did he do that, and at first he denied it, completly, than hes like, well i am sorry, i didnt know i couldnt tell, than he's like well i didnt think it would a secret, than after when i had gotten home my mother was in a WAY pissy mood and wouldnt tell me why, and than i check the caller ID father mike had called right after i left the church. i felt like i wanted to fall down. i was like !!! how could you do that to me AGAIN!!!, you were so cool. i mean i respected you soo much., you were, like the father in my life, and now, now i dont trust you at all, you have no idea how much you hurt me, and abondend me. i dont know who you are now,. why did you do this to me

Re: Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 04:26:42 2001 (#5840)

oh Goodness suzie, i am sorry. he probably felt like he was in over his head...or in some way his actions would help you...not that those are legit excuses. i cannot even imagine the betrayal. im here for ya. =) tell him: "GET OVA YOURSELF, GOODBYE"

NONONO NO! JK! HEEHEE

Re: Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 05:25:16 2001 (#5844)

I feel a little uncomfortable around priests. I belong to the Greek church I don't go, the priests are aloud to be married which is kind of grim because they could come on to you. I am just kidding.

Re: Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 07:05:52 2001 (#5853)

Suzie,

I am so sorry. Dishonesty is like the only thing in the world that I HATE. I'm sorry he betrayed your trust. I'm glad you got it out. I'll bet you felt at least a little better after writing that post. I hope you did. It sounds like you were letting off steam. Please let off steam here any time you want - that's what we're here for - to listen! Seriously, I'm really sorry. I wish I could offer more words of comfort than that. Be well.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by *me* on Thu Apr 12 18:31:57 2001 (#5866)

That SUCKS! I'm just wondering, aren't priests, like, not allowed to tell ppl stuff that you tell them? They take a vow or something. So he broke a vow. Unless your religion has different rules or something...I have no idea...

Re: Fr Mike! argg i am so pissed at you!
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 03:44:37 2001 (#5918)

thats what i thought too...then i thought maybe i was just nuts and made it up!

i dont want to take them any more
Posted by vennesa on Thu Apr 12 03:51:25 2001 (#5839)

hi, i take all these meds, but i just stoped takeing them without telling anyone, because sometimes when feeling deppressed is the way you felt your whole life, and you biult your life around it, and when you get it taken away so suddenly, it can be almost scary. can any one relate...

Re: i dont want to take them any more
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 04:29:11 2001 (#5841)

i wish i could help but i havent been on meds very long. so far its a wierd feeling though..after so long being depressed and tired i am now hyper and never sleepy. i think i like it though. i have fun dancing around and singing my head off!! heehee

Re: i dont want to take them any more
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 05:28:22 2001 (#5845)

IF I may ask what meds are you on? I have been on them all everything from prozac to paxil and finally I found a combination that works, zoloft for depression and Neurton for my mood. I feel a lot better in fact I don't want to stop taking them. So hang in there and you'll find the right meds. I know you are used to being depressed I was but you will find be happy is a lot easier to get used to. Love ya!

Kate

Re: i dont want to take them any more
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 06:38:59 2001 (#5848)

Hey Vennesa,

Like Kate I have been on tons of different medications. Now I'm on Prozac and can I say that I HATE IT!!!! Hehe, I feel better now. But seriously, when I started I could NOT sleep for a whole month - it was Hell. And now it f*cks with my head and I shake a lot and I have all these horrible side effects. Recently I was diagnosed with a "full remission" from my depression, so I'm all "Why can't I go off the meds then!!!" But they won't let me. So, I know how you feel.

And, when I started meds (a LOOONG time ago) it was scary to get "better" right away. I felt like I wasn't me. I mean, I was a manic depressive, that's who I was. And if I change... that's not good right? Anyway, that's how I felt. I was wrong, though. I'm a lot better now thanks to many factors - but the pills do help a lot! Just hang in there - it's much better on this side. Be well.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: i dont want to take them any more
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:32:58 2001 (#5903)

i dont take meds, so i shouldnt give my opion on it,. but all i can do is say i hope that everything works out, and that it really is better off meds than on

Re: i dont want to take them any more
Posted by vennesa on Sat Apr 14 17:40:33 2001 (#6036)

i am takeing, acombanation of wellbutrin and zoloft which is called welloft, and caraquil.they make me so damn constipated its horrible.

Elle
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 05:22:18 2001 (#5843)

Elle are you 1/2 Greek too I remember reading it.

Re: Elle
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 13:04:48 2001 (#5858)

yep

Re: Elle
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 21:59:17 2001 (#5882)

So am I!!!

just curious...
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 07:11:39 2001 (#5854)

Hey everyone...

Is anyone on medication that makes them shake? Like, not all the time... but I get these "fits" where I get a huge chill and I can't stop shaking for like 5 or 10 seconds. Anyone? If not, that's cool. I'm just curious.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: just curious...
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 13:08:05 2001 (#5859)

i have been finding that my teeth start to chatter uncontrolably and then my lips shake and then my hands too. thats it. its usually just a few seconds.

Re: just curious...
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:22:56 2001 (#5876)

My teeth chatter all the time! It's like I'm chivering. It lasts for a few seconds too. My mom's always like "are you cold?" and I'm like "no". It usually happens after I yawn... I don't know why. Anyway, I get that too. :)

Re: just curious...
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:35:07 2001 (#5904)

im not on medicen, but i get thouse sometimes. and its not like, a health hazard or something, i dont know what it is, but gee, i dont know

Re: just curious...
Posted by gnimia on Fri Apr 13 14:22:48 2001 (#5946)

yup, i shake a lot. its mostly my hands but from time to time it spreads. if i "accidentally" come off the pills it feels like its inside my body, under my skin, anyone else get that? im on trimipramine and venlafaxine btw.

OK?
Posted by Angel on Thu Apr 12 09:59:24 2001 (#5855)

Right I go out for the evening and the board is half-full with messages. They dont look too happy, niether but i've only read a few. I hope things are sorted?? Could someone brief me about whats happened because there isnt enough time in the world to read them all, i have things to do. Doris ur medication sounds bad if u r shaking in a fit, maybe u shoud stop? Angel xx

Re: OK?
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 13:09:34 2001 (#5860)

mean words were said. tensions built. its over now.

meds
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:25:15 2001 (#5877)

Yeah.. I know... it's not good. It started when I started taking meds about three years ago. It was a side effect of the first med I took and I think it is for this one too. My docs recently increased the dosage and I'm really stable on this dosage. I dunno... I'm trying to get off them anyway because I hate taking pills... so maybe I can talk to my doc about the shaking. Yeah, I might do that. :) Thanks.

Doris

We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by Maggie on Thu Apr 12 12:00:07 2001 (#5856)

I have a theory... that all of us have Mad Cow Disease - well actually the human form "Creutzfeld Jakob Disease"...

Apparently the first symptoms are psychiatric... depression, anxiety, memory loss, feeling withdrawn...etc. The sheep form of CJD is "Scrapie" and was named as such because the sheep SCRAPE themselves against fences and posts. Is that not a form of Self Injury?

And cows with the disease commonly bang their heads against things.

Other symptoms include coordination problems..balance and walking into things.

I don't know about you guys... but I cut, headbang, walk into things, have a bad memory, feel depressed, anxiety and withdrawn.

Who else feels they are Mad Cows?

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by elle on Thu Apr 12 13:11:42 2001 (#5861)

i am so a mad cow!!! haha!

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by Angel on Thu Apr 12 17:08:17 2001 (#5863)

I'll have to be a mad bull then. Angel xx

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 19:33:21 2001 (#5871)

ive got mad weazle disease myself....my best friends a mad mongoose and my other friend has foot and mouth disease....she doesnt stop putting her foot in her fucking mouth :¬)

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:30:01 2001 (#5879)

"I don't know about you guys... but I cut, headbang, walk into things, have a bad memory, feel depressed, anxiety and withdrawn."

Ok, you just described me! Well, the cutting and head banging stopped four months ago, but I still have manic depression, bad memory, and anxiety. We're all mad cows!!! ah! :)

Doris

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:38:19 2001 (#5905)

woah, i do everything but headbang,. it hurts my brain, and i get all dizzy and... its just not my thing, but woah, thats a bit scary. Mad cow disease. thats really cool that you thought about that., maby its actually true.

**weird dreams tonight, hehehe**

love

suzie

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by vanessa on Sat Apr 14 17:21:36 2001 (#6033)

i always told my sister she had mad cow disease. but you proove a very good point, when did you figure this out??

Re: We've all got Mad Cow Disease
Posted by Maggie on Mon Apr 16 03:15:15 2001 (#6237)

I study pathology at University and we had a lecture on it. I almost fell off my seat when the lecturer was describing perfectly my symptoms.

And then there was a documentary on it on TV the other night, and made it sound even more viable. Like apparently mant CJD victims were firstly diagnosed with depression...so I wonder if any off us are actually misdignosed too.

And the scariest thing was about a chick who died of it, and the first symptoms she had were that she had to make sure that her bedroon curtains were pulled TOTALLY shut, so that not any light could come in through them. And I do EXACTLY the same thing every night. That was SOOOOO freaky!

I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by Sian. on Thu Apr 12 14:40:11 2001 (#5862)

I'm really frightened. I've been cutting myself for years. I'm 24 now and I've been doing this since I was 17. Last night my boyfriend broke up with me (partly cos he saw a load of cuts on my stomach). The first thing I did was to cut my wrist over and over again with a bit of glass. I then took a load of paracetemol (which I just puked straight back up again!) It's out of control and I'm frightened. Can anyone help me???

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by Angel on Thu Apr 12 17:13:31 2001 (#5864)

wow, shit, thats bad. I'm good at stating the obvious. Find something to do is the best thing. Busy yourself so you dont think about it and cutting. Clean your wounds spend alot of time over it because if you have glass in them it will give you more unwanted pain in the future. Go and see someone who knows about it, and talk to them, it will probably help or put some music on and chill out for a bit. We Are Here Angel xx

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:33:42 2001 (#5880)

Sian,

We all understand exactly what you're going through. And, we can help you if you want help. I take it since you're so frightened that you do want help. We can offer support and advice through our experiences. I can tell you from my experiences that there are other things to do than cut and take pills. There are other ways to relieve stress and pain. I started writing in a journal. It's a great way to get a load off your chest. I also have a punching bag that helps a lot too. :-P Just know that you can stop if you want to, you are strong enough (I know because it takes strength to admit that it's out of control). Be well and keep on posting!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 22:10:59 2001 (#5884)

Its normal to react right away after you have been rejected. The first thought is to hurt yourself. YOu might want to try calling a friend or going for a walk so you don't do anything drastic. I understand I have been dumped more times than I can remember. I am 22 and have been cutting since I was 15. I have quit for six months. ITs hard to quit but you can do it. If you need anything please email me anytime. I'm here for you.

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:43:28 2001 (#5906)

oh sweetie, i am so sorry. Your boy friend, is... is completly ignorant. and its totally wrong.

its so good that you threw those meds back up, so good.

i dont want to tell you to stop cutting, because i know you feel that you need it, we all do, but i just want you to be so safe, please, if you're cutting on your wrist, pleaSE please be careful. we dont want you gone!

love

suzie

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 03:40:59 2001 (#5917)

gosh, i am so sorry. i hope you are careful becuase you are an important, beautiful person even if your boyfriend does not believe it. i luv ya. keep posting. hang in there elle

Re: I'm frightened. Please help!
Posted by ®Bleeding Poet on Thu Apr 19 21:37:54 2001 (#6498)

Wow Elle. I can sort of relate. Not about the boyfriend thing, but about the cutting and the pills. I still cut, but I flushed all my meds down the toilet because they were too tempting to overdose on again. Maybe you could try putting a rubberband on your wrist...a loose one. Pop it whenever you get the urge to cut. I have 4 on my wrists (since that's where I usually cut too) and I am trying really hard to force myself into the habit of using the bands instead of the razors. Just a little advice from another one like you still struggeling herself. E-mail me if you want to talk more. I have a web site for people like us.

With Love Poet

wondering...
Posted by *me* on Thu Apr 12 18:56:02 2001 (#5867)

Ok I don't know if I'm weird here or if there's something wrong with me - does anyone else ever feel like their heart is racing for no good reason? It feels almost like it's in my throat, oh I don't know if I'm explaining this well.

Has anyone ever read Ordinary People? The boy in that book, he had the same thing as me, and his doctor told him it was a panic attack or something? Is that what I'm having?

Ok did I make ANY sense at all???? If I did does anyone feel the same way? It scares me, it feels like my heart is going to pop right up out of me.

Re: wondering...
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:21:02 2001 (#5875)

I get that all the time. But, I do have panic attacks, so that could just be it. But, I do feel like my heart is racing sometimes for no good reason, just all of a sudden. I don't know what it is, but my doctor says I definitely have an anxiety problem. That could be it. I dunno. :)

Re: wondering...
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:44:51 2001 (#5907)

that happenes to me once in a while, but most of the time i feel like, my chest is binded, that there is so much, and i am so tense. and my heart is always faster than it should be.....

suzie

Re: wondering...
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 03:47:14 2001 (#5919)

ALL THE TIME HON!!! its like anxiety attacks or cutting...one or the other happens to me

if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 19:40:25 2001 (#5872)

Does anybody know that song by destinies child, survivor? i think that song rocks so much! i'm not really an r&b girlie, i listen to rock and metal...but this song has the best lyrics, i love it! its like my theme song to life, all the people who think im full of shit (which i am but we can pretend) and they think i aint gonna get shit...they think im a drop out...i may be dying....i may wanna disappear i hate so much...but that hate pushes me so far! that hate gives me the ambition to do so much better than the people i hate. watch when their working in savacentre and im fucking....NUMBER 1 in the damn rock charts or something.....or whatever.....we all can do great. ive come to thye conclusion, if you have got bagloads of ambition, then it doesnt really matter if your absolutely talentless :¬) hehehe. but seriously...its true.

**°im a survivor, im not gonna give up, im not gonna stop, im gonna work harder, im a survivor, im gonna make it, im a survivor, keep on surviving°**

PS
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 19:42:24 2001 (#5873)

ps, we should all pay attention to this song man....we can all get there if we make ourselves. but if you dont try toi help yourself, you cant expect others to help you. in the longrun, the only person you can trust is you.

****after all the darkness and sadness....then comes happiness....****

****thought i would self destruct but im still here****

:)
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:27:21 2001 (#5878)

Great song! :) Well said, WeaZLe, I agree completely.

Doris

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 22:13:27 2001 (#5886)

I've heard it, I hate them but the song has a good point. I am a metal and rock girl. Do you like Godsmack? I'm going to the concert tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement. Its a good break up song.

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by beautiful and dying on Thu Apr 12 22:40:41 2001 (#5889)

well said baby! we're all rock chicks really...heeheehee, manics manics manics... but it's good your open minded about these things... (love you loads) xxxxxxxxxxx

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by WeaZLe on Thu Apr 12 23:02:10 2001 (#5891)

i dont know why i had to flood up the board a bit more with this, but who cares, i love you too B&D u secksay muthfucka....hehehe kidding. well...u R secksay.....ARGH shut up weaZLe lol

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by b and d on Thu Apr 12 23:53:02 2001 (#5895)

bleugh...i love you MORE so nerrrr.... heeheehee, enjoy the tape when you get it (damn the bank holiday....) mwah mwah mwah xxxxxx

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:46:25 2001 (#5908)

i never actaully like the song, but i like the lyrics, now that i sit down and think about them, thanks!

love

suzie

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 03:58:30 2001 (#5921)

i like the song! i lip-synced it for the talent show at school this year with two of my friends. yeah white girls singing r&b!

Re: if you think you can survive, you will....
Posted by WeaZLe on Fri Apr 13 20:06:48 2001 (#5968)

i really hate the way girls at my school act - they dont shut up about racism , but they seem to think black people cant be racist towards whites, to them it doesnt count. im not racist at all, and it really annoys me when girls at my school are like "oh my god, shes white and shes trying to dance? oh my god," and "uh, like white girls can sing black music, like they can sing at ALL"...I think its mostly the bitches at my school, not many ppl like that buyt it PISSES ME OFF....GRRRR im white, i can sing, i cant dance, im funny, im a good friend, and a shit chef....but it AINT cuz im white!!!! bleh!

Heehee
Posted by Angel on Thu Apr 12 20:24:25 2001 (#5874)

oops my emal address is myself@gutted.co.uk not .com so if anyone has sent me an email i,e u L. I doubt anyone else can be bothered. Angel xx

Re: Heehee
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:47:35 2001 (#5909)

thats the weirdst domain name i have heard, there is another one caller bombdiggity, and thats cool, well thanks!

love

suzie

Re: Heehee
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:02:14 2001 (#5922)

yeah i sent ya mail. the "mailer demon" sent it back. i'll send it again or mail me at the adress above.

everybody hurts
Posted by Doris on Thu Apr 12 21:39:49 2001 (#5881)

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by SImon on Thu Apr 12 22:13:06 2001 (#5885)

Hi folks (any of u who remember me) just thought i would check up on u and make sure u are all keeping ur heads above the water. That song moves me every single time i hear it. im not even a huge REM fan but it really hits one hell of a nerve.

Si

PS: I just got a free VIP ticket 2 c Fear Factory on Sunday in Manchester. How cool is that?

cya

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 22:15:06 2001 (#5887)

Which simon are you? The new one or old one?

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by beautiful and dying on Thu Apr 12 22:45:04 2001 (#5890)

i know the song...fucking beautiful....nice one, i'm sure it helped a lot of people... huggles and keep fighting xxxxxxx

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Butterfly on Fri Apr 13 23:20:44 2001 (#5989)

i remember you, although i'm sure you don't know me. I'm just a reader i don't post very often.

Have a good time at the concert :)

Butterfly

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Jue on Thu Apr 12 23:51:24 2001 (#5894)

i love that song. it brings about feeling which i find is what makes a good song. i am very passionate about music. i found something that can take my mind off cutting temporarily. DANCING i turn up the music and i completely let go of my surroundings. i love it. thanks for the song post.

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 00:03:02 2001 (#5896)

Jue,

I do that too! It really helps me blow off some steam! I just blast the music and let go! It's awesome. :)

Doris

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by *me* on Fri Apr 13 00:20:34 2001 (#5901)

That's a beautiful song! I don't know if I've ever heard it before (I don't recognize it by the words but I might by the music :)!) Thank you for posting it.

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:48:30 2001 (#5910)

::tears::

love

suzie

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:29:34 2001 (#5924)

beautiful, touching, thanks

Re: everybody hurts
Posted by Angel on Fri Apr 13 12:24:27 2001 (#5944)

So true,:*-) angel xx

Does anyone???
Posted by Kate on Thu Apr 12 22:03:17 2001 (#5883)

Does anyone feel like they are the fattest, ulgiest, stupidest person who can't do anything right. I feel like I am not right. I feel totally different than everyone. I don't fit in this pop cultured, bubble gum world. I turn on MTV. It sucks!!!!!! It is totally for little 13 year old prissy little girls. Brittiny and the chaucy boy bands have taken over our world and the music indistry. IT used to be cool, they used to play real music. I'm so depressed. I don't fit in this world.

Re: Does anyone???
Posted by Jess on Thu Apr 12 22:15:51 2001 (#5888)

I so feel like you do now.Don't give up hope.

Jess

Re: Does anyone???
Posted by Alana on Thu Apr 12 23:20:31 2001 (#5892)

I feel that...oh yes I do.

Re: Does anyone???
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 00:05:05 2001 (#5897)

I know exactly how you feel.

Re: Does anyone???
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:52:30 2001 (#5911)

i feel that all the time, im all for it, though i must admit, when i am really really hyper (ELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**nudie nudie**) i tend to like that popy stuff, but i must blame it on the high levels of caffine running through my veins

love

suzie

Re: Does anyone???
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:33:33 2001 (#5925)

yeah, ok, i danced naked to pop stars and sang at the top of my lungs. doesnt mean i like it....maybe its my meds. but hey, you know what i do when i dont fit into this world? i make my own world.

Gifts
Posted by Jue on Thu Apr 12 23:47:09 2001 (#5893)

Does anyone else not like gifts? I always feel like I don't deserve them and that I don't say thank-you enough. I almost wish people wouldn't give me them. but i know i would feel sad if i never got a gift but i always feel so guilty when i get them. My brother tells me that he thinks that i don't realize that there are a lot of people that care about me. This makes me feel like an ungrateful wretch. but i don't feel love the way i used to. I don't understand love i think it is really deep down greedy so i always interpret love as not love at all. i am so confused. if anyone followed that could you please let me know what love is????? i am sorry but i don't really even believe in it anymore.

Re: Gifts
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 00:10:51 2001 (#5898)

Jue,

I felt the exact same way that you do a few months ago. I got SO mad when anyone did ANYTHING for me! And when people (like friends) would say "I love you" I would yell at them! I thought it was fake and that no one could feel that way about me. Because I didn't deserve it - I didn't deserve love or anything attention at all.

I felt that way until I met a very special person online. I appreciated every single thing about him. And I started to feel something I never felt before. It was a feeling of purpose, of completeness - a feeling that you are special, a feeling like you're the luckiest person alive. That's what love is to me. Because I fell in love with a wonderful man. I truly believe that he is my soulmate.

Sorry for the tangent, but that's what love means to me. You'll know it when you feel it. And, I still feel unworthy of it. But, it's the greatest feeling in the world - and you DO deserve it! THe way I see it - you're been through enough pain, isn't about time you had some joy? It's your turn! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: Gifts
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:55:04 2001 (#5912)

some times i feel that way, but on somethingl ike, mmmmm CHRISTMAS i dont feel guilty, but i know what you're talking about

love

suzie

Re: Gifts
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:37:58 2001 (#5926)

i LOVE presents. i hate attention from my parents...i cant figure that out. i want everyone else to love me and pay attention but i dont want my parents to

Re: Gifts
Posted by Linda on Fri Apr 13 06:43:37 2001 (#5941)

Jue, I understand how you feel. I enjoy giving presents and it is fun to get something occasionally but I really don't know how to thank someone. It must be very common to feel that way. You mentioned about not understanding about love. I have always been a very emotional, "pollyanna" type person who wants to always believe that everyone is always truthful and no one would ever intentionally be mean. Of course, living a while teaches you better than that. This is what I have found to be true. God is love......what does that mean?? I mean that the Bible says that specifically.....I believe it means that He is the author of love and the more of Him you have the more love you have. Without Him it is hard to even understand what love is. I once heard a preacher mention that love was nothing but commitment. I thought about it for a while and realized that he is so right. We live in a world that pushes sex and lust until it makes us feel that unless we can be very sensual that we have missed the boat, so to speak, in the love department. I don't believe that is so. I believe that love is a conscious decision. I don't believe that you see a person and automatically fall in love. I believe that to be lust. I believe that we may be physically attracted to a person but that forms a foundation to begin a relationship in which we learn about a person and develop a love for them. Sooooooooooooo love is commitment......making a conscious decision to follow the feelings that tell you that you feel a compassion that warrants some effort on your part. If you have the faulty idea, as I did, that love is the wonderful, fluffy feeling that will carry you through a lifetime of trials and tribulations, then you will be sadly disappointed. If on the other hand, you realize it to be a feeling that you act upon and commit to making it work then you will experience a lifetime of ups and downs, but if the person you have committed to is one of character that you can respect, it will be well worth the trouble. Well, enough from "Mom"!

Re: Gifts
Posted by ** on Fri Apr 13 12:32:24 2001 (#5945)

I hate getting presents. I don't celebriate any holiday or b-day. People give presents because they think they have to and not because they want to show how much they love you.Everybody says that I'm selfish but I don't care anymore: I am who I am and I do what I do

Re: Gifts
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 21:05:15 2001 (#6054)

Thank-you all. I hope sometime love will mean than it does now and i will truly be able to feel it.

tattoos
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 00:15:32 2001 (#5900)

Hey guys,

I have three tattoos and 16 piercings (all on my ears) - do you think this is like a passive, less obvious form of self injury? Just curious, but I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on it.

Anyone else have any tattoos? :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: tattoos
Posted by kim on Fri Apr 13 00:42:07 2001 (#5902)

Doris- Its really ironic that you just asked that. I am in a class called Deviant Behavior right now and a guy is doing a report over tattooing. According to some studies done they have found that people who feel they do not have control over their lives or bodies tend to get tattoos or piercings to make their bodies their own. This is especially seen in those who were sexually abused as a child or young adult. I, however, do not yet have a tattoo. Mine will come soon. I have 5 piercings in my ears. Love ya kids, Kim

Re: tattoos
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 02:57:50 2001 (#5913)

well anything that damamges your skin in anyway is self mutilation, but tatoos and percings are so accepted and common that it dosent matter and no one views it as weird or odd, well some do, but you know its common and people call it beatufil.

imagin, in some culturs cutting yourself it good, and i was watching a show on skin crap, and a new tatoo is cutting, like they cut designs into your skin and stuff, and thats like the NEW tatoo, so hey WE MAY BE SAVED!!!

love

suzie

Re: tattoos
Posted by Alana on Fri Apr 13 03:22:18 2001 (#5916)

I have a tattoo and 5 piercings! I have my ears, my tongue, my labret, and the bridge of my nose (inbetween the eyes, which is my fave one) So NO! I don't think that its a form on SI, because well for me, its not for the pain, but the look. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be different and surprising everyone.

Re: tattoos
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 04:21:31 2001 (#5923)

whats a labret?

Re: tattoos
Posted by Alana on Fri Apr 13 04:59:03 2001 (#5929)

kinda your lip but not really...more like your chin. Its about 1 cm down from the centre of my bottom lip. It was my first...so I will always hold a special place for it...hehehe, thats so sad

Re: tattoos
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:38:46 2001 (#5954)

OHHHHH, a girl in my school has that

Re: tattoos
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:45:58 2001 (#5927)

no piercings, no tattos. well, you know why? i am the biggest baby when it comes to pain. i cant even stand to get my finger pricked at my physicals. i am fucked in the head. i dont feel the pain when i cut. i see the blood. i feel the pain before and after. i dislocate.

and no, i dont really think they are self-mutilations since you dont actually have to pierce yourself and draw your own tatto

Re: tattoos
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 06:08:17 2001 (#5935)

Thanks for your input guys. You all make really good points. I got mine to be different and to have something that is so incredibly important to me permanently on my body. Just, looking back on it I wondered if I had another motive... if I enjoyed the pain. My frist tattoo took three hours and it was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I can't imagine child birth hurting that much. I cried the whole time. I just started to think... did I enjoy that? Is that why I went back for two more? I dunno.. it was just a thought. I really appreciate you guys humoring me though. Thanks! I love you all!

Doris

PS - Alana, I totally agree with you! I got mine to be different and surprise everyone. And, I think they're beautiful (depending on what you get, of course.. naked women = not my thing :-P) And can I just say that is it SO cool that you have your nose-bridge-thingy pierced! I have always wanted that pierced! I'm so jealous! :) Seriously, that's very cool. Hey... what's your tattoo of? Just curious. :)

Re: tattoos
Posted by Alana on Fri Apr 13 06:36:10 2001 (#5940)

I have a celtic knot on my lower back! It took 2 and a half hours and I barely felt a thing...which is weird considering it was on my spine! I want more...I'm getting a kermit the frog on my hip bone soon

Re: tattoos
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 06:58:02 2001 (#5942)

COOL!!! :)

oh my god becky... look at her butt
Posted by LOST on Fri Apr 13 06:17:12 2001 (#5937)

uhm i have a few tatts... and i only have 3 earrings in each ear right now... but i used to have 2 in one eyebrow, 3 in the other, one on each side of my bottom lip, my labret, and nipples :) buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut i don't have any of those anymore because when i moved back home (after being homeless forever) they made me take them all out except one eyebrow ring, but it got infected eventually so they're all gone now :(... i'm gonna get 2 more tattoos in the next month... a 5150 on my outer calf and a big design (or scene) around/behind my boyfriends name on my back. and do i consider it SI... no not really... some people may use it that way, but i think that MOST people like the way it looks, but HATE the way it feels. i know a lot of people that don't want to get more tattoos/piercings because it hurt too much. i think it depends on the person. i know that i am scared at first when i get tattoos/piercings but once i feel it, it kind of feels good :) but i like the way it feels WAY better if u were doing it to urself :)

Re: oh my god becky... look at her butt
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 14:40:57 2001 (#5948)

oh, i feel so left out. haha. just picturing how you all look, i feel so different. i am so the sporty/preppy abercrombie girl....guess its whats on the inside, right?

Re: oh my god becky... look at her butt
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:40:10 2001 (#5955)

me too, but come on elle, scars are tatoos to, so we have them!

Re: oh my god becky... look at her butt
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:20:58 2001 (#5990)

lol, YOU FREAK!!! Haha, I'm only kidding. That's just funny, that you feel left out. Cuz most people I know are like you.

But, no matter what you look like, I really love having you here and reading all your posts - so IT IS what's on the inside!!! Be well. :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: oh my god becky... look at her butt
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 03:09:53 2001 (#6002)

Hahahaha Elle I felt very left out too. But I'm just like you. I'm more of an American Eagle girl myself. LOL.

Re: tattoos
Posted by topacelot1 on Tue Apr 17 05:04:47 2001 (#6357)

Hey.

No tattoos...I have this huge complex against anyone else giving me pain, but that's a whole other story.

Done my own ears a ton of times. Only 7 permanent now. Did my belly button once with a safety pin. That was a bad idea. Took it out the next day, but since it swelled I had to rip a lot. (Just to deter any of you that think it's a good idea.) It was black and blue for 3 months.

Other than having a phobia or something of other people hurting me, it's actually against my religion to tattoo and self harm. And since my family gives me crap about everything only acceptable things remain visible or known. Anyway, I've been hearing talk about non-permanent tattoo ink...not sure when it'll be out or anything, but when I find out more about it I'm sure I'll get some and do my own designs...that would be cool. Guess that's it.

Re: tattoos
Posted by anona1 on Wed Apr 18 08:59:58 2001 (#6441)

whoops, typed a different name, but that was me

boredom is disease
Posted by just a change from 'FUCK OFF UR' ALL SHITE!!! on Fri Apr 13 03:16:22 2001 (#5914)

The warm safe nourishment of the mothers placenta A sick practical joke. God, the ambassador of irony Life isn't so bad..........as long as you're dead Truth is a carcinogen, lies an opiate Knowledge laughs in the face of belief, ignorance numbs the intellect & is a lover to the lies

Sleepy amnesia never forgets what's real awake to the sunrise, the glory of nature shines so strong it burns my soul Houdini failed to escape from his nature All magicians soon run out of tricks

Cry a tear of regret for the life you regret regret your regrets & light the pyromaniacs flame of death

we all live to burn & the rivers run dry as soon as you try & try the end is near when the sea waves goodbye to the end of the pier Must feel pain in death to divorce death from life A marriage in hell manifests a lacerated being that is isolated in heaven

Love wanted to fuck. Masturbation was a miscarriage of love still birth of affection an apoplectic redemption

A sonorous belch of gastric immunity Lie down with dead. Play dead. Feel superior. Feel-Life

Re: boredom is disease
Posted by annoyed on Fri Apr 13 03:20:19 2001 (#5915)

exactly HOW do you get punctuation onto this bleedin' board?!! this looks very crap when it was clearly punctuated crap at least. Very annoyed here!

Re: boredom is disease
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:41:33 2001 (#5956)

interesting....

love

suzie

Re: boredom is disease
Posted by mallory on Sat Apr 14 17:47:00 2001 (#6037)

wow, i sound pothetic, but you sound like sylvia plath, holey shit i love you email me if you feel up to it.

who? what?
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 04:49:58 2001 (#5928)

who is posting under funky names? and how old is everyone?

Re: who? what?
Posted by ephemeral wastege on Fri Apr 13 05:03:18 2001 (#5930)

My name is 'ephemeral'. I say 'HI' & I leave. Glad to meet your friendship. Just trying briefly to deviate the cacophony of cak briefly. The board has been of much amusement of late, I just hope people haven't been hurt

love you all

xx

Re: who? what?
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:43:26 2001 (#5957)

OH MY GOSH, sorry, i read your post and i thought it said "who is posting underwear names" and i was like, waaaaaaa, what happened to elle, but it was my bad,. sorry there, lol

love

suzie

Re: who? what?
Posted by ®Bleeding Poet on Thu Apr 19 21:45:23 2001 (#6499)

I have a funky name...I think. DOn't you think so too? Bleeding Poet seems to fit me. It used to be just plain ol' Poet until I started cutting again. Anywayzzzz....My real name is Veronica. I'm new to this board. But hopefully, you'll be seeing more of me if that's ok with you folks. Stay safe ®Bleeding Poet

love
Posted by want to cut on Fri Apr 13 05:07:35 2001 (#5931)

anyone about to talk? trying to stop the razor urge, but failing rapidly.

IM at 'God I'm sexy'

Re: love
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:46:27 2001 (#5958)

hey i am here to talk any time

email renthead020@aol.com AIM phish visor msn phish_visor@hotmail.com

love

suzie

another question...
Posted by *me* on Fri Apr 13 05:27:42 2001 (#5933)

Haha, now that I've found this board and actually admitted what I do and am TALKING to people about it, I have lotsa questions popping into my head!

Sometimes in the strangest moments, for no reason I can find, this wave washes over me and I feel like I'm going to start to cry. It happened tonight while I was watching tv, and it's happened before when I'm walking through the halls at school, or reading a book, etc. Last weekend I was over my friend's house with a couple of my other friends, and it happened, only I couldn't fight it and I actually started to cry. I blew it off by saying I didn't feel well. Why does this happen? Does it happen to anyone else?

Re: another question...
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 06:14:10 2001 (#5936)

That happens to me ALL the time, hun! I don't know why it is. It happens at the most random moments. Most of the time I do end up bursting out crying. It's happened on the phone with my boyfriend - he started freaking out! I wish I could explain it, but I can't. It's really scary, though, and I'm sorry you have to go through it too. Love you!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: another question...
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 14:45:34 2001 (#5949)

yeah, it happens to me, i feel like i NEED to cry only a lot of the time i CAN'T cry even though i want to let it out. i can cry about anything small and meaningless but then when it gets to those big strong emotions, nothing comes out.

Re: another question...
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:47:59 2001 (#5959)

sometimes, but usually when im alone, ill just start crying out of NOWHERE!

love

suzie

DORIS
Posted by LOST on Fri Apr 13 06:19:35 2001 (#5938)

hey chica... what is ur screen name??? i wanna talk to ur ass :) u seem like cool peeps.

Re: DORIS
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 06:25:02 2001 (#5939)

lol, you're awesome.

My AIM screen name is SlippersAngel.

go us
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 07:24:01 2001 (#5943)

Let me just say one thing...

I think it's really great that each one of us is responding to every single post - and with such attention and detail - even to such a silly questions as "Does anyone haev any tattoos?" I think it's really great that among all the fighting, we haven't forgotten that we really care about each other and that we're always there for one another. I think that we're a great little family here. Not trying to get too mushy, I just like the way that every post gets answered with experience and advice. Go us, guys. I love you all and I appreciate everyone's attention to answer every post. Keep it up! Yey! Go us! :)

Love and strength to all my sisters,

Doris

Re: go us
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 14:51:02 2001 (#5950)

hey, (yeah ok, im answering this one too) but answering posts is MUCH better than cutting right? I've been doing pretty good. For the first time in like, YEARS, i feel like my life is looking BETTER. like things are going up not down!!

Re: go us
Posted by Alana on Fri Apr 13 18:09:50 2001 (#5953)

Thats all I asked for Elle, way to go!

Re: go us
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 22:51:44 2001 (#5983)

Good job, Elle!!! That's so amazing, I'm really happy for you! Keep posting, girl! :)

Re: go us
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 18:57:59 2001 (#5960)

go us, go us

::dancin'::

love

suzie

Well?!
Posted by gnimia on Fri Apr 13 14:37:22 2001 (#5947)

Well, ive just got back from a two week sojourn in a mental hospital, and what do i find? no, but seriously im glad you seem to have got over that argument going on for a while back there. hope no one was too damaged over it.

im a bit better, or they wouldnt have let me out, and im glad to be back home, but im felling really really numb and just seem to sit all the time now that no one is telling me what i should be doing, ie goingt o therapy, dinner etc.

Doris, i have two tattoos, and a couple of piercings in my ears. the tatts are the japanese symbol for kamikaze on my upper arm (an area which never gets cut!) and a random thing i cant really describe on my lower back. i wouldnt be without them, and yes, they are a great, acceptable form of SI. tell me a bit about yourself, cos apart from your xianity i know nothing, and the rest of you, i am interested, and feeling strong enough at the mo to deal with it! email or IM me if you want. im usually online if im not asleep.

take it easy? xx

Re: Well?!
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 13 14:56:08 2001 (#5951)

what is your IM name? I am glad you are feeling somewhat better. hope you can get re-adjusted to life at home soon. don't you hate it when people treat you like you are about to explode??!!! everyone in my life acts like i am so fragile and crazy and they dont want to put any pressure on me or anything....all i want is for things to be normal again.

Re: Well?!
Posted by gnimia on Fri Apr 13 15:21:32 2001 (#5952)

my im is gnimia on hotmail, got icq too if you want it!

Re: Well?!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 19:02:51 2001 (#5961)

well hey

im so glad your back, i wasnt here so i missed why you went, its great that you're ok. i hope the stay at the hospital wasnt too bad. well good luck!

love

suzie

Re: Well?!
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:01:10 2001 (#5984)

gnimia,

Did you want to know about me? Well, not much to tell. I'm 18, I live in Boston, Massachusetts. I'm bouncing in and out of colleges. Um... I've been struggling with manic depression for about seven years. Used to SI but I quit four months ago. Doctors say I'm in "full remission" but I don't think that's too accurate at all. I think they just give up on me.

About tattoos (a fun topic) - I have three. I have one of those angels from Raphael's painting "Little Angels" on the back of my shoulder. Then, on the center of my back I have this heart with a blue rose behind it and across the heart on a yellow sash it says "True Love" - the meaning of life to me. And my third is just a small outline of another angel on the small of my back. I'm OBSESSED with angels! :)

Sorry for the tangent... if you want to know anything else just ask. I'm not too good at volunteering information. I'm on MSN - shesanangel. Talk sometime!

About the hospital (sorry this is so long), I have never been in one, but I hope it wasn't too bad. You're in my prayers! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Julia?
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 19:04:50 2001 (#5962)

hey, i dont know, maby im wrong, but did Julia leave the board, because if she didnt im really worried about her she hasnt been posting in a long time

dose anyone have any info on her? thanks

love

suzie

I od'ed on monday....
Posted by lys on Fri Apr 13 20:14:30 2001 (#5969)

hey I got out of the hospital like, less than 2 weeks ago, after 2 months, and then 8 days later (monday) I took an overdose. I went for a walk after I took the pills and ended up on a skytrain and in another city. It was severely fucked up. Anyways, somehow I got off the train, and an ambulance came (i don't know if i called it or someone else) and I was taken to the hospital. It was the same one I wsa in before, and I saw one of the nurses I worked with on the psychiatric ward, and she was talking to me. I refused to drink the charcoal, so the nurse called security and they restrained me (tied me to a bed for the day, it sucked) and they shoved a tube down my nose and into my stomach. It really really hurt. When I woke up, I was so scared. I mean, I had 2 iv's in, a nose tube, and I was restrained, plus I was in a skimpy hospital gown (I don't remember getting changed or anything), and a big security guard was there. I was freaked out. So, I finally got my full (or as full as they are giving me) diagnosis. I have: clinical depression, dysthemia, an eating disorder, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. Talk about shitty. Anyways, I just felt like saying that. I haven't cut in 2 days. I am going insane though!!! take care, lyssie

Re: I od'ed on monday....
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 21:30:47 2001 (#5973)

Good job! you can do it. I'm sorry you had such a rough time.

Re: I od'ed on monday....
Posted by suzie on Fri Apr 13 21:51:44 2001 (#5977)

wow, that same thing recently happend to my friend. i know how scared she was, it was so scary and so i understand. i oded to and was ssent to the hospital, so i understand that. Im here if you ever need to talk,. so yuou can email me at the addy about or instant message me at the same addy or phishvisor

love

suzie

Re: I od'ed on monday....
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:04:55 2001 (#5985)

Wow, what a horrible experience. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I'm really glad about the not cutting though - congrats! That's a big step... just keep it up! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: I od'ed on monday....
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:17:43 2001 (#6010)

Doris, i was gonna say the same thing.

Lyssie, best wishes hon!

Re: I od'ed on monday....
Posted by ®Bleeding Poet on Thu Apr 19 21:52:31 2001 (#6501)

Sorry to hear that lys. I hate charcoal too...but fortunately I was unconsious when they shoved a tube up my nose. I have a diagnoses too, since last August. It's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Clinical Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder,Obsesive Compulsive Disorder (got that one because they said I obsess about my compulsion to cut) and Insomnia Disorder. But over all I feel pretty normal...lol. Hope your'e feeling better. Don't do that again! I'd like to get to know you. Seems we have a few things in common. Stay Safe ®Bleeding Poet (veronica)

funny story.....
Posted by lys on Fri Apr 13 20:22:50 2001 (#5970)

k, I was really bored waiting for the doctor after lunch on wednesday in the hospital, because they wouldn't give me any pens or pencils (too sharp) or anything, so I picked up my teddy bear and started talking to him. I know he couldn't hear or understand me, I was just thinking out load really. Well, the nurse got concerned and called security. She seemed to think I was having a psychotic episode, so she also demanded that the doctor come see me right then. But see, she didn't tell me she was concerned, so I didn't know I wasn't allowed to leave my bed. When I went to go to the bathroom, I had 2 huge guys practically on top of me (security). All that for talking to myself. It wass hilarious, especially later trying to explain it to the doctor and the nurses. They didn't think it was quite as funny.

Re: funny story.....
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 21:54:17 2001 (#5978)

haha, actually that is a bit funny. wow. i bet it was funny with the doctors "no, really i was just thinking out loud!!" wow

love

suzie

Re: funny story.....
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:07:22 2001 (#5986)

Haha, that's awesome. I'm sorry for all the security, but that is really funny. :)

Re: funny story.....
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:21:43 2001 (#6011)

LOL!!

I talk to the "lady in brown" she lives in my head. it rarely ever is outloud but i can understand.

skool aint fucken cool
Posted by WeaZLe on Fri Apr 13 20:29:18 2001 (#5971)

Im on my easter hols at the moment, and everybody i know has comented that ive been wayyyyy more...i wouldnt say HAPPY but relaxed, fun, less depressing...i dont dwell on miserable stuff, when i write poems their a little more uplifting....i hate school. school is my fucking enemy. education is a good thing, but not in the fucked up system we have right now. dont ask me how it should be different im too angry too think straight about that shit, but ask me when im relaxed and ill sure as hell think of a million things that could be changed for the better. sorry to start babbling bout racism AGAIN but at certain schools in our country TEACHERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EXPELL BLACK CHILDREN INCASE IT LOOKS RACIST - HOW FUCKED IS THAT????? THEN THEIR BEING RACIST TO WHITE STUDENT, GOD I HATE THIS WHY CANT WE ALKL JUST HAVE BEEN BORN ...GRAY OR S0METHING? :¬) I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COLOURS BUT ITS OBVIOUS SOKME STUPID FUCKERS DO, I THINK THEY SHOULD BE LOCKED UP. SCHOOL starts wars, with all these stupid gangs and cliques...and teachers say its healthy! its healthy to have loyalty and close friends, yes. but not to comepletely seperate ourselves. i hate UNIFROMS, they try and make us all the same we are fucking unique get that into ur head, fuck the counsillours who talk shit bout shit they dont know shit about! they think they have the right to just....rule over us! they treat us like shit, they are evil to us and they dont think bout hlow they might be fucking afffecting us! they dont own us, they arent gonna be suffering our after effects?! so why listen to them? i wish the schools would all riot, i wouldnt care i they all blamed me and i got in trouble id take it to make the school throw out the teachers....tie them up in the science ;abs with the binsen burners all around them - and leave them there¬! grrrr i hate them all so much. i hate them i HATE them,....teachers just have no control over their own lives so thney gotta control others, same as social workers and sadass bosses and managers who dont know what their talking about!i dont wanna never go back, but i gotta, and im gionna get worse again. i elax so damn much, but then im gonna get back, and im gonna staret burning and cutting and shit...and im gonna do a nutty one on the teachers...i felt it bubbling up last friday, i nearly lost my nerve and hit someone. but i kept it in. but for how long? grrrrrr...i fucking hate it so much, i dont have the capacity to translate my hate for u to understand HOW much i want to murder those scumbags. im sorry, i had to let that out. in fact i aint sorry....ims orry im clogging up the board, but i aint sorry for hating those mothersfuckers.

luv y'all, even if some of u are teachers or whatever.

Re: skool aint fucken cool
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 21:37:33 2001 (#5974)

Are you in High School? I would rather listen to a lifetime of Britinay Spears than go through that again. Ok thats a stretch. I don't think you sound racist. We are still as a society seperating blacks and whites and your school is doing just that. They are treating blacks differently than whites which isn't right even though they are trying to do a good thing. Does this make any sense. I am out of college and it is so great to not have any more school. YOu'll get there!

does anybody else feel the way i do bout school?
Posted by WeaZLe on Fri Apr 13 22:09:45 2001 (#5981)

i dont know what is so shit bout it, but it makes me suicidal just sitting there. anyeone else the same?

Re: does anybody else feel the way i do bout schoo
Posted by ** on Fri Apr 13 22:18:30 2001 (#5982)

i feel the same way. I always sit alone in the back of the class and i just observate everybody. Sometimes I just wanna stand up and start shooting around me so that they would all be dead. unfortually i don't have a gun.

When I don't obsevate them I just look outside and picture myself jumping out of the window or that somebody would come into the clasroom and just kill me.

When it's skool I cut more than usually and I hate everything around me.

Re: skool aint fucken cool
Posted by Suzie on Fri Apr 13 21:58:52 2001 (#5979)

it just shows how sad out country is. we are so lucky to live hear with freedom, but out country is so fucked up and 80% of the population is so greedy and blind in their minds, i dont understand it, when i get older i am moving to ireland. (i like the acccents, hehe) but i cant stand to live in a country where more than half of its people are discrimitive to atleast one type of person

Re: skool aint fucken cool
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:15:02 2001 (#5987)

I know exactly how you feel. When I was in middle school (or junior high, whatever) I wrote my first suicide note and I wanted them to READ IT OVER THE LOUDSPEAKERS AT SCHOOL!!! THe only reason I wanted to die was because of all the shit that happens at school. I wanted to kill myself and state in my suicide note that it was ALL THEIR FAULT!!! So maybe they'd learn and take their heads out of their frickin asses.

Anyway, that's me. Don't get so worked up about it. Like Kate said, it'll pass. You'll be out of there and forget all about it and never EVER have to go back. And college is MUCH better, trust me. It'll be ok. Just don't go off and do anything crazy... ok? I know you hate them, but just try to calm down and focus on getting out of there! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: skool aint fucken cool
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:28:03 2001 (#6012)

I fuckin hate school. HATE HATE HATE!!!!! It always makes me want to DIE DIE DIE!!!!! but please dont go shooting up your schools or yourselves, i know you guys wouldnt....

Re: skool aint fucken cool
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 21:21:58 2001 (#6058)

I hate all the phonies at school. IT IS FULL OF THEM . all these stupid people who don't have a clue about anything. people think i am a snob because i openly don't like people. i always blow off people when they try to talk to me. MISS ICE QUEEN that's me. except for my good friend we sit there and pick apart everyone. it isn't very nice. BUT THE PHONIES DESERVE IT. anyways i am doing a speech infront of them(about self-injury) fairly soon so they probably won't think i am such an ice queen anymore.i figure it is their loss that they don't have a life.They are mad at me because i won't come to the grad where you waste all your money on a dress you where for a couple of hours so i might go in rags. hee hee. do the unexpected that is my philosophy.this was a tangeant sorry.

question
Posted by ** on Fri Apr 13 21:07:59 2001 (#5972)

"Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?"

That's from a lyric but it true what they sing. That the question I keep asking myself.

Re: question
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 21:38:25 2001 (#5975)

Who sings it?

Re: question
Posted by ** on Fri Apr 13 21:41:32 2001 (#5976)

Linkin Park

the song is "by myself"

Re: question
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 23:43:24 2001 (#5991)

Oh my god!!! They are awesome. Do you like Disturbed? Are you going to Ozzfest?

Re: question
Posted by ** on Sat Apr 14 10:54:57 2001 (#6023)

I LOVE disturbed!! I'm not going to ozzfest because I live in belgium and it's to far.I really would like to go because in belgium the festivals suck!

Re: question
Posted by suzie on Fri Apr 13 22:02:04 2001 (#5980)

i think about that every day.

Re: question
Posted by Doris on Fri Apr 13 23:18:43 2001 (#5988)

I, myself, despise being lonely. I can't think of a feeling I enjoy less than that. But, I don't trust people off the bat. People I know have to earn my trust. Right now I can think of only a handfull of people I trust and I'm okay with that. I've been hurt be phonies, but if you never trust anyone then how can you enjoy your life? Life was not meant to be lived alone. If it was, we wouldn't have families. I dunno, that's just me. Be well.

love and strength,

Doris

Re: question
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 03:20:55 2001 (#6004)

I think about that all the time. I have to know someone a while before I trust them. But I hate hate hate feeling lonely. It makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap! ha. I trust my close friends, but that's it. I don't even trust my family as much as I trust my friends. But I don't trust anyone with some of my secrets. Like the fact that I si. I keep the personal stuff inside of me.

Re: question
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:30:15 2001 (#6013)

have been dealing with that my whole life. have decided that there is somewhere in the middle. only wish i could find it

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