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Threads 1301 to 1350

In memory of falling hawk
Posted by Dead hawk on Mon Mar 19 16:53:41 2001 (#4845)

For she is in a better place.

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by Doris on Mon Mar 19 19:18:27 2001 (#4847)

I HOPE that's not serious. Please tell us what happened. :(

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by Strider on Mon Mar 19 19:46:15 2001 (#4853)

Oh no. Oh God no. PLEASE let it be no. Please tell us what happened PLEASE!!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 19 21:19:23 2001 (#4857)

Falling hawk, its ok. Please be ok. Tell us all what happened. We are here for you. Please don't end it like this. We need you.

Alana

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 21:43:48 2001 (#4863)

well as you are not dead i am so happy that you are not. but when you are able to come back to the board please let it be known that we all care for you sooo much.

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 21:46:07 2001 (#4864)

damnit i hate it when it dose that, but anyways

we all care for you so much and we will always be here to talk, to just bitch out about things we will always be here. so if you ever need to talk, about anything, please email me, or instat message me

i will always be here

suzie

Re: In memory of falling hawk
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 20 00:21:27 2001 (#4880)

What The fuck is goin on??? I was at the hosital cuz of observation. 1 fucken day. Kemoy when you get home i swear i'm gonna kill you. fuck killing myself. your dead you bastord.

Oh collin hey :-D

Thanks, (FriendOfFallingHawk) for telling them what an asshole my brother is >:-O

Back on track....I think!!
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Mon Mar 19 20:22:21 2001 (#4855)

Im hoping that im over this relapse....but i wont know for sure for a while. i havent cut since tuesday...which is a start i suppose! Hope you all are well. i havent had a chance to read all the posts as i was away for the weekend but as soon as i do ill let you know my view(as usual!!!!) Love and Hope Amanda

Re: Back on track....I think!!
Posted by Doris on Mon Mar 19 21:28:50 2001 (#4858)

Great job, Amanda. I'm very very proud of you. I know you can go for longer - you just have to be strong! I know you can do it! Congratulations... you've done well. Keep it up! :)

Doris

Re: Back on track....I think!!
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 21:47:23 2001 (#4865)

goiod job! you know with each day you think about cutting less and less, that is until something bad happens. but each day =you get stronger. and i wish you <MANY MANY more days to come!

Re: Back on track....I think!!
Posted by Strider on Mon Mar 19 23:25:18 2001 (#4876)

Well, I hope you're over it, Amanda!

love and prayers, Colin

About FallingHawk
Posted by FriendOfFallingHawk on Mon Mar 19 21:32:37 2001 (#4859)

Recently, a message by Falling Hawk's brother was posted saying that Falling Hawk is dead. However, she is not dead, but she is in the hospital. Her brother was just lying. She's sorry if anyone was worried.

Re: About FallingHawk
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 21:48:03 2001 (#4866)

thank gosh

Re: About FallingHawk
Posted by Doris on Mon Mar 19 22:55:07 2001 (#4873)

Oh, thank God. Thank you so much for posting. I know we all feel very relieved to hear she is alive. If you are in contact with her, please give her our love and support. Thank you again for the information. God speed.

Doris

Re: About FallingHawk
Posted by Strider on Mon Mar 19 23:21:12 2001 (#4875)

THANK GOD SHE'S ALIVE!!!!!! That's all I have to say on that.

love and prayers, Colin

Just thought I'd share
Posted by Masque d'etoiles/Darkrose on Mon Mar 19 22:35:34 2001 (#4869)

I'm not sure how many would remember, but a few months ago I posted griping about a class in which SI was viewed in an uneducated light. I am pleased to report that a class not composed of freshmen had a much quieter reaction when the subject was brought up. The teacher even said he had a friend who used to cut her arms. Although only three people out of twelve actually said anything, indicating there was perhaps some discomfort on the part of the majority, those who did seemed very understanding.

No one has to respond to this. I just thought I'd come back to say that there exist a select few at this school who are not closeminded and prejudiced.

Re: Just thought I'd share
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 22:54:15 2001 (#4872)

more people are coming. as this gets more into the open, more people will be comfertable and more will be accepted. the time will come.

Re: Just thought I'd share
Posted by Strider on Mon Mar 19 23:30:13 2001 (#4877)

Well, I'm glad to hear that there are those out there who atlest try to understand. I hope you're well!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Just thought I'd share
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 20 01:11:28 2001 (#4883)

i recently submitted an essay which referred to self harm as a form of violence against women. my tutor wrote that she thought my (true) statistics were "astonishing". however she has been a little less negative about it since then. there is change. i promise. its gradual, but i promise. xx

my friend,
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 19 23:59:34 2001 (#4879)

my friend.

and you know who you are

take a rest for a day. take a rest from the emotional baggage, you take on too much and you need a rest. We have noticed something odd, and you need a rest,. go do something fun, go some where you enjoy.

you need a rest,

Re: my friend,
Posted by Alana on Tue Mar 20 01:48:19 2001 (#4889)

hmm, who could this be??????

you know what, I agree. REST is good. Come back when you are ready. SLEEP!

Elephant shoe, Alana

reopened today
Posted by a.z. on Tue Mar 20 00:28:39 2001 (#4881)

hmmm...well, prior to today, i hadn't cut in nearly 4 years. and then relationship crap...although i can't really blame it on anything, just that annoying truth that cutting sometimes feels better than anything in the world. why does it feel so good? why does it have the power to ground me? why is it so friggen satisfying? has anyone else gone through periods of abstinence, only to return to that sweet stinging gush that helps you breathe? it feels so good and so scary at the same time. the really scary thing is, i found a place besides my forearm that feels good to cut on. that was always my saving grace, before...thanks for being out there...a.z.

Re: reopened today
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 20 01:17:34 2001 (#4884)

please dont fret about it, a lot of us seem to come back to iself harming after periods of being " good". i dont think its necaserily a bad ting. as long as its a coping mechanism. tell us more about yourself, this is a self help (as well as self harm) board, so it may help us help you. xx

Re: reopened today
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 02:06:08 2001 (#4891)

are you new here? well just to let you know, its ok,. everything is ok. its gonna be hard. but times will get better. what pushed you to do this again. it must have been bad, or possible it wasnt, maby old habits were reserfacing. well just to let you know, i am alwasy here for you, as is all others on this board. if you ever have to talk, email me or im me on aol or aim, same name or on msn at phish_visor

good luck

Re: reopened today
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 05:24:44 2001 (#4904)

Hey there a.z., remember me? I do believe that you are the same person I was talking to before? skootz? Any how, I myself came off of a 2 year *ahem* sabatical, for lack of a better word. I stopped when I was 17, and started again almost exactly on my 19th birthday (which was about 3 months ago now). Well, i think it feels good because i'ts such a release of emotions. Plus, chemicaly, it's a release of endorpines as well. It is scary. It's the scariest thing I know of. It's scary that I can do it and feel no pain, no matter what type of blaed I use to cut. This board is always here.

love and prayers, Colin

I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 20 01:08:16 2001 (#4882)

This girl from a message board www.fanforum.com started with me about how her life sux. so i'm like listen bitch my life is worse then yours. then she started to compair her life with mine. i'm like just fuck off i only no you from a friggen message board, i dont have to spill my fucken guts 2 you. Then she called me a bitch and got off aim. it just makes me so mad>:-< just think i got to no her pretty well while we WERE friends. i seem to be LOSING a lot of friends off aol :-( maby i should just stop coming.

Re: I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by Rachel on Tue Mar 20 01:40:43 2001 (#4886)

I'm sorry, Sandra. :( You know if you need to talk you've got me on IM anytime ... give me the name of this bitch and I'll see what I can do, ok? lol --Rachel

Re: I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by Falling hawk on Tue Mar 20 01:45:39 2001 (#4888)

Her user name is.. umm... perky bitch

Re: I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 02:12:28 2001 (#4892)

this is just my opion. there is no way a persons life can be compared to anothers. i know this may seem wrong. but each person views their life differently, what might be really easy for someone else might be completly hard for someone else. so each person views their life differently from each other. so this is my opion, it was wrong of her to call you a bitch and compare her life to you, but it was also wrong to say your life is worse, since it is viewed differently in each person.

well hope you understand, good luck!

Re: I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 05:59:55 2001 (#4905)

Awwwwww, FH! Just because one person decides to be a jerk, don't let that sour you against the online community! What it is, is that there's just so many people to meet, and you can meet them so easily. There's the same number of mean people, it's just that you can meet them faster online than in real life. So keep coming back! As long as I can get to a computer, I'll be your AOL friend!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I'm gonna kick your ass bitch
Posted by Little Baby nothing on Mon Mar 26 22:58:01 2001 (#5110)

yeah i think thats a good idea. how can u call her a bitch. its not a fucking GAME we aint in no RACE too see who can DIE first....you gotta support ppl. if you dont support people how the fuck can u expect people to supposrt you you silly cunt!!!!!!!!!! excuse my language buts its blind ppl like u who really fucking PISS ME OFF!

Problems
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 20 01:19:06 2001 (#4885)

I am so sick a dealing with drunk assholes who we go out with. I am surrounded by these people who feel sorry for themselves and get so drunk Me and my friends have to take care of them. I am so sick of dealing with other peoples problems. I mean you guys have been through real shit but you don't bring other people down. I am so sick of it. I am beginning to hate people who drink too much. I probablly sound awful but once a while getting drunk is fine but if you do it on a regural basis and can't handle it then you have a problem. Sorry I rambled on so long. I'm just pissed. My sister said that I'm hard on people.

Re: Problems
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 02:21:58 2001 (#4894)

you're hard on yourself. so its ok.

stop surrounding yourseld with drunk assholes. you dont like them so why be with them, eh?

right now i think you need to worry about what you want, get a real guy, if you NEED one, stay away from the slobs,. and stay safe

Re: Problems
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 20 03:00:46 2001 (#4898)

These people are friends of my sister's. One girl is a friend of a friends. See we all go out in a group and sometimes people just tag along. They get so drunk and their is always drama. I talked to my sister right after I posted and she is not mad at me. See she is moving in two months because she is getting married and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Thanks for listening!

LOVE, KATE

Re: Problems
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 03:12:29 2001 (#4900)

oh ok, thanks for posting, and about listening, i will always listen. always. so email me if ya need to talk

Re: Problems
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 06:52:43 2001 (#4906)

Well, on behalf of my gender, I apologize for those of us who are the type that you so lovingly refered to. I myself am not like that. Well, I'm not drunk at least, but there are those who would say I am an A-hole (all lies, don't trust them!). So, again! On behalf of my gender, I apologize!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Problems
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 20 14:55:28 2001 (#4915)

Actually these are girls but thanks anyway.

Kate

should i die or should i stay????????????????
Posted by Tara on Tue Mar 20 02:06:01 2001 (#4890)

i don't know what the fuck to do any more.i got in to a huge fight with my parents and all i did was say the word fuck to express myself to my dad and he fucking went off and hit me as hard as he fucking could.my mom just stood there and said nothing.i can't believe this.after all of the other shit i went through in my life,i had to go though this of all things.i can't take this shit any more.possibly you will not hear from me again.each time i come to this point,i get more and more guts just to blow out my fucking worthless brains that i have in my head.i don't even want to open my eyes any more because i will have to see light and mabye live another day,(thats if i want to live another day).i do want to thank all of you that were there for me and that tried you best to help me especily Colin.all of you did a lot for me even if you don't think so.i even tried to help you if i thought that i could.i had better go.i don't know if i will ever be back.if i am not,see you all in the after life.by the way i am an ATHEST(HAVE NO RELIGION AT ALL).sorry if that is spelled wrong.don't make fun of my last name either.that is my death wish ok.........................

LOVE YOU ALL,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH

Re: should i die or should i stay????????????????
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 02:57:52 2001 (#4897)

sweetie,

i hope that it will get better. we all want you to be here. no wants you to die, so please, do not do that, PLEASE!!!!! please... you are so imporant you8 dont know. please email me or im me, this is so improant. so very imporant

please email me. or instant message me. same name, we have to talk

Re: should i die or should i stay????????????????
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 05:10:53 2001 (#4902)

Oh God Tara, please say. I'll e-mail you, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

If ne 1 cares...
Posted by black rose on Tue Mar 20 02:20:18 2001 (#4893)

hi...I'm finally back from the hospital...if everyone's wondering what was goin on....I swallowed 30 tylonol, 1 bayer, and 2tylonol pm shit! I was stupid and decided to wait til the next day to get help! I ended ^ w/some liver damage and shit like that...my parents sent me to a fucking mental hospital after that...they're still in denile(or however u spell it)! I finally got out 2day after spending a week in both hospitals! I dunno what to do ne more...my dad was in denile about the whole thing and got the staff to let me out and they wanted to keep me in the hospital for atleast a few more days! O well...I wont even try explaining to him what's goin on cuz he wont listen and he wont believe it! well if ne 1 cares I'm back! bye Christine

Re: If ne 1 cares...
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 03:10:27 2001 (#4899)

oh girl i am sorry. i would like to say, oh i know how it feels., but i dont. all i can offer is my help, and a person to talk to if you ever need it. im here for you

suzie

Re: If ne 1 cares...
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 20 05:12:15 2001 (#4903)

Chris,

I'm SO glad you're back. I'm sorry you had to go through that whole ordeal with the hospitals. You know you shouldn't have taken all those pills. Please don't do that again. Remember that we love you and we want the best for you. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Be well and happy. God speed.

Doris

Re: If ne 1 cares...
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 07:11:03 2001 (#4908)

Actually, yes I do care! I was talking to Fallin Hawk and she was saying how you were in the hosptal, and I was worried. She told me you were OK though, so I was happy about that! Even happier to hear from you personaly! That's too bad about your parents like that. I'm very glad you're still alive! VERY! Please don't do anything like that again, PLEASE! Awwww, liver damage? That's not good! That's the opposite of good! That's bad! I hope you'll be OK. I'll pray for your recovery. Good to hear from you. Christine!

love and prayers, Colin

falling hawk...U BITCH!!!
Posted by black rose on Tue Mar 20 02:35:57 2001 (#4895)

U told me...NO...U PROMISED ME that u wouldnt do ne thing while I was in the hospital! I called u and u told me that u did the same as me...and PROMISED that u would call some1....and u didnt! Y THE FUCK NOT??? I just dunno what to do ne more! just e-mail I g2g! sry i didnt call I couldnt...bye! Christine

Re: falling hawk...U BITCH!!!
Posted by Falling hawk on Tue Mar 20 12:56:37 2001 (#4912)

Dont call me a motherfucking bitch okay christine. but i had a fucking week of hell, and no one was there to talk me out of doing it. but ya no when the whole fucking school knows you wanna kill yourself, it puts a lot of god damn pressure on my sorry ass. people saying hey look it is the god damn pchyco, maby she'll bring a gun to school and kill us then kill herself. it's not that motherfucking easy. i would! i would LOVE to bring a gun to school and kill there sorry asses. but you no why i dont? Because it's NOT right. i'm not that type of violent. and a really good friend **caugh**friendoffallinghawk** caugh** taught me that god didnt put me on this fucking earth just to let me kill myself. I just have to wait. things will get better for me. and GOD DAMNIT they'll get better for you 2. Just wait and see. EVERYTHING will be alright

Re: falling hawk...U BITCH!!!
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 20 13:08:58 2001 (#4913)

Oh yeah and 1 more thing Tee hee _ )>

My OTHER friend maggie has also helped me thru a lot. ya no i think i'm cured for the time being of wanting to kill myself. she was ALWAYS there for me like i TRY to be there for you. i have to admit that you sometimes get on my nurves and i probably PISS you off sometimes. i got that effect on PPL. but it always turns out alright. i no i didnt believe in god. but ya no now i do. maggie showed me how importent it is to believe in him. Keep your faith chris. it'll all work out for the better. not the worse. Call me.

Beautiful light~

Re: falling hawk...U BITCH!!!
Posted by hUmAnPrOZAc on Tue Mar 20 21:13:27 2001 (#4924)

hey yall okay i am a friend of falling hawks and i just wanted to say yall need to chill with the swears and shit and please don't piss off my friend cuz then i gotta cum on this web site and waste time and space tellin yall to back up........ but if any one wants/needs/ would like a friend u know who's been through it and can try to help yall i am here 4 anyone who needs a hand so if anyone needs me then ummmmm Im me or email me at my email that yall have and if u don't ask falling hawk and Im me and we can talk or whatever makes u happy later chickiez Alexiea

Re: falling hawk...U BITCH!!!
Posted by slash on Sat Mar 24 04:03:53 2001 (#5044)

i hate when pple think just talking to sumone is going to stop you from crying your ass off liek feeling so shitty your basically dead i mean...im depressed and a cutter and even thow my ""friends"" ; say they care about me i dont believe them and all so i understand why falling hawk would do that... slash

O god what the fuck is wrong w/me?
Posted by black rose on Tue Mar 20 02:57:22 2001 (#4896)

I cant take this ne more!!! nothing can ever go right for me...y??? I try and try but everything always goes wrong! I just dont know what to do ne more! if ur readin this please IM or e-mail me! Christine

Re: O god what the fuck is wrong w/me?
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 07:41:27 2001 (#4911)

Oh Christine, please don't do anything to hrut yourself. You just got out of the hospital, and I don't want you to have to go back. I didn't get here in time to respond to your post, but if you're reading this right now, please don't do anything to endanger your life. We don't want to lose you.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: O god what the fuck is wrong w/me?
Posted by chickie on Tue Mar 20 21:38:29 2001 (#4926)

okay chickie u need to calm down first and look at what is going wrong and think wether or not it is that important in the long run and chill ... take deep breaths or sumthing okay? here is my email and screen name so email me okay? Flamezangel@aol.com laterz lotza luv 2 ya alexiea

Hospital
Posted by Julia on Tue Mar 20 06:57:31 2001 (#4907)

I was in the hospital for six days, that's why I haven't been here. I got out earlier today but now I gotta go back cause I jurt my arms. I'm so sorry everyone, I really am. I hope I didn't worry you all too much. Please prey for me. I heard that people like me who go to the hospital could get stuck there for a few weeks. Later, Julia P.S. I miss you all very much. Please, let me be okay. I'm so afraid to go back to the hospital. Lot's of lov and hope for all of you... JULIA

JULIA!!
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 20 07:35:45 2001 (#4909)

Oh Julia, who cares how worried we were, what matters is that you're OK! Don't be sorry, please. And Julia, I will pray. As a Christian it's part of what I do, to talk to Jesus and ask him for help. I hope you're OK at the hospital, Julia. I really hope you don't have to stay too long at the hospital.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Hospital
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:21:01 2001 (#4931)

oh i am so sorry, if you happen to read this befor you go. i hope that everything is ok. I will pray for you, i hope that everything works out for you. good luck

What is there to look foward to??
Posted by Falling hawk on Tue Mar 20 13:17:36 2001 (#4914)

There is a lot to look foward to in life.

Getting out of collage getting married having kids getting a job having your parents grow old...gont ask having friends, people to rely on.

so why would you wanna take your life away? i no we all have it REALLY hard sometimes. and that you feel like your burried in some black ditch, but your not. you have friends. even though you may think you dont you DO you have US. and the old man upstairs. All you gotta do is have a little faith:-) and everytime i wanna die i will look back to this post and remember all of this

Re: What is there to look foward to??
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 20 17:47:32 2001 (#4917)

Oh honey, I'm sorry. Email me.

Love, Kate

Re: What is there to look foward to??
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:24:07 2001 (#4932)

thank you

Situation
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 20 17:46:30 2001 (#4916)

I think I might have confused some of you about my last post especially Suzie and Strider. What I was talking about is my siter, her finance, a friend of ours and I are all going to Godsmack is April. Our friend's friends' sister decided to get tickets even though she will not be sitting with us. But announced that we have to take her and her sister said we have to take care of her. This girl is 25 and obnoxious and out of control. Always cries and makes a scene when she drinks. I don't want to deal with that. Besides its Godsmack one of my favorite bands. My sister and her friend said we'll get out of taking her but I still am worried. I am so sick of having to take care of people I don't even like. SOrry it was so long.

Re: Situation
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:30:02 2001 (#4933)

its ok! Hope you like godsmack. you're lucky to go to the concert, Its said that some one who is an adult acts like a child. im sorry.

please post on the concert though, its gonna kick i bet

Newbie
Posted by Anae on Tue Mar 20 18:23:33 2001 (#4918)

('nae waves cautiously) Hi all. I'm new here. Not quite sure what to say. Guess I'll do a brief intro. I'm 20yo female, real name is Brianna. I've been cutting for 10 yrs now. Currently in therapy (irregularly) and seeing psychiatrist. new-born Christian (1yr) and fighting hard. Um really there's not much else to say, as I'm very bad with intros and I do much better with questions. So anything u want to know, just ask. 'Tis all for now...

Anae

Re: Newbie
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:31:41 2001 (#4934)

first of all, i want to say that you have the coolest name, it is soo cool, and second of all welcome to psyke! about waht to say, say anything, its all good. new born christian??? oh cool, than you've got me and stider here, we're rather religouis, well post back now! bye bye

Fran:please read if you know her
Posted by beautiful and dying on Tue Mar 20 19:25:10 2001 (#4920)

Fran has her internet taken away at home and she has to use the computers at school, they won't let her access this page very often coz they go through a stupid filter thing, so i don't know if she'll be back here for a bit. you can email her frannyh40@hotmail.com as long as you don't put in swearing coz it won't let her read it...damn the school system! failing that i can keep posting things here coz i talk to her most nights... i don't mind... thanks everyone xxxxxxxxxxx

Re: Fran:please read if you know her
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:32:35 2001 (#4935)

oh no!!!

for simon
Posted by anona1 on Tue Mar 20 19:25:38 2001 (#4921)

answered...just letting you know b/c it's way up there

Re: for simon, and anyone else who wants a read
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 03:12:34 2001 (#4948)

thanks, i've answered, but it too, is way up there

SMILE AND LAUGH!!!!
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 20 20:35:50 2001 (#4922)

HEY GUYS AI JUST WANTED TO SPREAD MY HAPPINESS. im not usually this happy but i woke up this morning in a fab mood and i wanted to share it with u lot. SMILE SMILE SMILE *she hugs everyone in turn* I LOVE YOU ALL *blows kisses* *giggling* HAVE SOME FUN LOVE AND HOPE Amanda

and smile a bit more....
Posted by beautiful and dying on Tue Mar 20 21:51:22 2001 (#4928)

glad you are honey! don't let any fuckers get you down! make the most of it! huggles xxxxxxx

Re: SMILE AND LAUGH!!!!
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 20 23:34:14 2001 (#4936)

thats so great. its gotta be sooo cool!!!

Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 20 20:40:50 2001 (#4923)

im off to canada tonite so if any of you wanna join me please do. For anyone who aint got a clue wot im going on about, canada is a place that was created a long time ago(befor i was here) and its a haven for us. we go there when we like and we will not be judged its a place where you can walk around in short sleves as you have nothing to hide from anyone.(Fran i hope i got this right!!!) it you would like to add your own room please do, the more the merrier. If you wanna know more about canada search back through posts and you will be able to read all the original posts. C ya in canada Amanda

Re: Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Mar 20 23:44:01 2001 (#4937)

It's been so long since i've been to Canada.... i really need a little hoilday break in Canada right now.

hope to see you all there

Re: Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:21:38 2001 (#4950)

i... i dont quite understand, ive been here for a long time, so im kinda like a "new" oldie. but i dotn understand, is it a real place, or makebelive. explain,

Re: Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by sharon on Wed Mar 21 03:37:28 2001 (#4951)

canada is an imaginary place where we go to escape our problems. there's a "house" there and everyone has a room and everything. we're all safe there and nothing can touch us. i'm due in for a visit really soon!!!! feel free to come with me! see y'all there.

hugs,

sharon

Re: Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 03:43:09 2001 (#4954)

oh right. well i live in an imaginery state anyway, so no change there.where i am has gotta be make believe, no-one could ever have created such shit and despair as here.

Re: Does anyone fancy a visit to CANADA???
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 03:37:55 2001 (#4952)

i know what you mean! what the hell are they all talking about? i cant be arsed to go back and read messages until i find it, please someone, email the details.

i am back but don't want to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Tara on Tue Mar 20 21:45:25 2001 (#4927)

my mom caught me trying to slit my wrist last night.thank god she is not going to put me away in some god forsaken place that would make things worse for me than they already are.she did flip out on me though.i told her that i just don't want to fucking be here any more.i hate living when i know that i can end it if i want to.she has me under close watch now so that i can't do anything.i also hate that.well just thought i would let you all know that i am still here but not for long if i can help it.

Love Ya,

Tara Butterbaugh

Re: i am back but don't want to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by cchickie on Tue Mar 20 21:51:40 2001 (#4929)

y would u want to slit ur own wrist? do u believe in god? just wondering cuz u say god forsaken place as if u believe. if u do believe do u believe he/she/ it wants u to suffer?

Re: i am back but don't want to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:40:02 2001 (#4953)

oh its going to be so hard. w/ a mom there, behind you. oh i know its going to be so though. just stay though, stay strong. your parents are going to be so worried, and, gosh i knwo how annyoing that can be, just terrible, but soon it will be over, just stay strong, and stay tough, and be you

my own falling poem
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 20 22:54:55 2001 (#4930)

Falling I'm a falling hawk, falling out of control, i'm losing my grip, my life is slowly being drained away, i'm alive on the outside but almost dead within. I have hurt more people then i have hurt myself. I gotta be a hawk, strong so i will fly free. over the world, all that life, that should make me happy. but to see all these people with all this pain, makes my fight come crashing down, and yet again i drain my arm, and foarm a puddle on the flour. to much death is happning it makes me sad you see, but i dont have to think of you my worries are now focused on...me

i CANT TAKE THIS(good bye)
Posted by Falling hawk on Wed Mar 21 00:01:58 2001 (#4938)

I cant take all this pain anymore i'm only trying to help my friend and all she is saying is screw you, that she dosnt care if i die. so i guess i should die. nothing is helping me and NO one is helping me. (and christine your not in the hospital anymore so there is no promise anymore...) i just cant take Hopelessfairy anymore i cant take anyone or anything, or..i dont even no what else that i cant take. i cant take life. i CANT go on i am so close. i got my gun, right hear. i'm fucked please help me...pleassseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee e

(good bye)

Re: i CANT TAKE THIS(good bye)
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 21 00:06:04 2001 (#4939)

Don't do anything. The only thing you should worry about is yourself. Let your friend help herself. Email me anytime.

Kate

Re: i CANT TAKE THIS(good bye)
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 00:54:22 2001 (#4941)

Please don't do anything drastic. You have so many friends on this board that care about you. Please think of us and the love we have for you. We're your friends and we love you and we're ALWAYS here for you. Please, PLEASE, don't do anything. I will be praying for you. Be well and keep on posting!

Love, Doris

NO!
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:43:32 2001 (#4955)

oh sweetie, please, please. please stay strong, please dont do this, come back and talk to me i wil be here PLEASE EMAIL ME!

Falling hawk.....
Posted by FriendOfFallingHawk on Wed Mar 21 00:19:04 2001 (#4940)

I'm here for you, you know I am.

I feel better now
Posted by Falling hawk on Wed Mar 21 01:31:48 2001 (#4942)

Just a lil dose of this and a lil does of that and BOOM!!! i'm cured :-D and it wouldent have killed me eather

Re: I feel better now
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:45:32 2001 (#4957)

wheh, im sorry its getting so much.. im here to talk girl!

someone...anyone???
Posted by black rose on Wed Mar 21 02:02:17 2001 (#4943)

I really need someone to talk to right now...if u IM me or e-mail me too late I might have to go...PLEASE..I need someone to talk to soo bad right now! Christine

Re: someone...anyone???
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:46:21 2001 (#4958)

sweetie, i imed you last night so you know my name, im here to be imed, alwasy i will be here

.....
Posted by black rose on Wed Mar 21 02:08:33 2001 (#4944)

I guess no1 really cares...so bye!

Re: .....
Posted by Falling hawk on Wed Mar 21 02:23:44 2001 (#4945)

i care but bye

Re: .....
Posted by black rose on Wed Mar 21 02:27:16 2001 (#4946)

what do u mean u care but bye? u know what nm...I cant take this ne more!

Re: .....
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 03:20:07 2001 (#4949)

i cant talk but can type! whatever it it is you're going through, please hang in there. i've only been coming to this site a few days, and i know that without everyone here, my life would still be spiraling down, and although its not going up now, i found people to talk to, well, people who will listen. you came on here at a bad time, not many people about, but dont let that mean we dont care, becuase we do! i have no idea what to say, im crap at pep talks, but you can email me, and i'll get back to you as soon as i possibley can. please take great care of yourself, and maybe i'll hear from you soon.

Re: .....
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 22:06:08 2001 (#4977)

Chris,

I am SO sorry I haven't been online at all. I'm on Spring Break and I don't really have access to a computer all that much. I'm really sorry hun. I hope you're ok. Please, PLEASE email me and tell me what's going on. Please, Chris. I want to hear from you. God speed.

Doris

simon
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 03:44:21 2001 (#4956)

your there right now sign online

Re: simon
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 03:50:40 2001 (#4959)

ok, be with you in a sec...

Re: simon
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 21:16:10 2001 (#4972)

went as told to , to aol, but pc kept crashing. perhaps we weren't meant to talk? oh well, hopefully i'll catch up with you later?won't be on for a few days, need some sleep, badly!, and got loads of stuff to do at home.should be back about sunday. bye for now.

Re: simon
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:55:00 2001 (#4996)

oh ok! talk to you than

they're here for us all!!!!!xxxx
Posted by necrosis on Wed Mar 21 03:52:54 2001 (#4960)

everyone is going through a right load of shit here. 'read a book, see your friend, watch a film, talk to an expert.' It doesn't fucking work as we need understanding & we get that from this board. For everyone that's really desperate.....remember.....all here are there for anyone that needs us.

I'm new myself but am astounded by the love & compassion I feel from this board. You may feel fucking alone, but this lot understand you - & that you can never argue with.

I guess the point of this is, if u feel like no-one understands or gives a shit BOLLOCKS!!!!!! There's a load of people here that do & they've been there for me. E-mail or IM any of us - we'll be GLAD to talk or we wouldn't say so!!!

Let them in - the're a fantastic bunch

Sermon over.

Please be safe

love, necrosis

xxxxxx

Re: they're here for us all!!!!!xxxx
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:52:44 2001 (#4995)

thank you

life sucks
Posted by Teresa on Wed Mar 21 04:45:34 2001 (#4961)

I really think I'm falling apart, and I don't know what to do.

Re: life sucks
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 22:24:02 2001 (#4982)

Teresa,

I know how you feel. I used to feel like that constantly. All I can tell you is to be strong and keep yourself busy so you don't do anything you'll regret. Please be well. And keep posting.

Doris

PS - Life doesn't suck. It just has a really sick sense of humor. :)

Re: life sucks
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:51:11 2001 (#4994)

talk to me... ill listen.. email me. im me.. ill listen

Well, break time
Posted by Strider on Wed Mar 21 05:42:40 2001 (#4962)

I have been realy overloaded. I think I really tried to help too much here. It's really strung me out. I was stupid to do it, because I knew it would run me ragged. So, it's break time! I will still be here from time to time, but not as much as before. Thanks to everyone for your help, and I will never forget you. Any of you. E-mail me any time, OK? OK.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Well, break time
Posted by gnimia on Wed Mar 21 11:06:17 2001 (#4966)

i think u r right, you seem to have given out so much positive feeling toeveryone on this board that u havent enough for yourself.

maybe its not my place to say as im still a newbie, etc. but as long as youi keep telling us whats up, a break is well deserved. xx

Re: Well, break time
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 19:22:47 2001 (#4969)

I love you, Colin.

Re: Well, break time
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Wed Mar 21 23:40:01 2001 (#4990)

well, colin ol' buddy ol' pall~

ill be seeing you around

~me~

about all these death wishes
Posted by anona1 on Wed Mar 21 07:56:35 2001 (#4964)

hi...I wasn't really planning to make a whole announcement, but b/c of all the death wishes guess I'll say a little bit (okay, rereading this and it's really long)...for over a month wanted to die, decided last night to try not to...b/c of a good friend who I'm trying to let in, far away as he may be...he may not want me to say who he is so I'm not...I get all this crap about how not good enough I am and a continuous tape of how to improve myself...don't trust anyone...but someone was nice enough to try to make me feel like someone cared and I still didn't realize anyone could give a damn about me until he seemed frantic and scared and too far to help...so going to try not to kill myself to try to set his mind at ease...

b/c it's so recent (yesterday), I'm feeling very trapped and stuck here...angry and frustrated...very unsure about the whole thing, but I'm trying to convince myself not to...I hadn't figured out a good way even...don't want to be found in a mess...everyone thinks I'm so happy b/c that's all I show on the outside so they wouldn't understand if I killed myself...it couldn't be a grotesque way, just something where I'd look peaceful when found...hadn't come up with a foolproof way of that...so now I've stopped looking for the time being...

reasons why I'm trying to convince myself not to: why do I deserve an easy way out, maybe I deserve to suffer this life...also it would screw up everyone but me, I have so much guilt already that I don't want to worry about hurting other people (even if it's only better for one other person's life)...then who's to say why I control my death, even though I'm in control of myself, I didn't create myself...I'm just here...trying to hang onto these reasons to stay...it's not like I'm happier, I don't know if I'll change my mind, but I'm trying...not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be the one to cause other's more anguish

so, hope this was any help at all b/c if it wasn't I shouldn't have said it...I don't need everyone trying to help me, I'm not used to that kind of attention...I just hope it helped even one of you...take care

Re: about all these death wishes
Posted by gnimia on Wed Mar 21 11:03:52 2001 (#4965)

that was an amazing post. i hope you stick to it, its a one day at a time thing, i think. glad youve got someone to help you too. xx

Re: about all these death wishes
Posted by simon on Wed Mar 21 21:36:33 2001 (#4974)

i'm so glad you're rethinking your fate. it really is a bitch that we all live so far from each other, although i can see that at times it can be a good thing, but this isn't one of them times! i'm gonna email you either tonight or tomorrow, so you've got to hang around for that, as i cant icq at all, wish i could, but pc wont allow me.i've actually had a bad day today, and despite what i told you, even that vomit look was appealing,but i ain't gonna do it, i'm too mad too, i've gotta get even before i go! so, it was back to the age old saviour of retail therapy. i'm totally broke, probably get cut off the phone or water or something, but i dont care, i needed to do something to stop me, and i did it, and i'm ok now. i so wish i could get icq, i understand you so much thru what you've written/replied, so its here and email only. and this weekend i'm going to the grave, so i'll need someone to talk to when i get back!(not my grave, my mothers). catch you later. simon.

Re: about all these death wishes
Posted by anona1 on Wed Mar 21 22:33:29 2001 (#4983)

good luck...it took me years after the funeral before I went back to my dad's...it's such an empty feeling...I'm supposed to stare at the ground and remember someone?...stupid people...refused to go to my grandmother's funeral and didn't go to her grave for a couple years...gotta go now before I get too depressed and can't fake myself into happiness for my next class...back in a few hours...take care

Re: about all these death wishes
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:45:30 2001 (#4991)

sweetie, i am so happy that you decided against sucicide. oh i know how hard it is and i am so happy that you have decided that you are going to get better. it is so exciting! please know that i wil be here, to talk, to just rant to, for anything, i will be here!

Re: about all these death wishes
Posted by anona1 on Thu Mar 22 02:43:33 2001 (#4999)

I haven't really decided to get better...just suffer for now...feeling stuck here at the moment...

new and kinda old...
Posted by luvb on Wed Mar 21 12:08:37 2001 (#4967)

hello, ive just stumbled across this site and i suppose,if i dont bore you i can tell you a lil about me.... im 31 and male and have been a cutter for many years,im married with a lil girl who is nearly 4, i have had counselling and been on meds for a long time,my story is just another long and painful road, with no real breaks in it for a rest,any way...thats me,i hope to meet some people from here soon..

luvb

Re: new and kinda old...
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 22:21:00 2001 (#4980)

Welcome, luvb. :) I hope you feel comfortable here. There are some really great people here. Keep posting and tell us how you're doing.

Doris

Re: new and kinda old...
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:49:31 2001 (#4993)

hey there~ welcome to psyke. its in a little of a bummer stage here, but it will be ok, come andpost more, so .... have fun!

Re: new and kinda old...
Posted by black rose on Thu Mar 22 03:45:14 2001 (#5001)

luvb, I haven't really been in a good mood lately...but I will try as hard as I can to give everyone here the proper attention they need and some1 to talk to! bye 4 now! Christine

more questions, im sorry.
Posted by gnimia on Wed Mar 21 15:11:36 2001 (#4968)

Does anyone else continuely surprise and shock themselves by how much they are able to lie about how they are feeling to others. i can do it at any time, especially as the people who care about about me most live hundreds of miles away and i only email and phone them irreguarly. then when i do let it slip how shitty im feeling, they are so surprised and say, oh but youve been fine for ages, or youve been doing sooo well, when i have more tape on my body than hair. (jk) (ish) its only really occured to me just now. then aftewards u hate and hurt yoursewlf more for not letting go and venting. or is it just me? xx

Re: more questions, im sorry.
Posted by anona1 on Wed Mar 21 22:37:16 2001 (#4984)

yeah, I act my life...sometimes I can say how I'm feeling, but very seldomly do I show it...it takes a long time knowing the person and then they usually hate me for not being what they thought...

I don't know if it's one of the reasons I hate and hurt myself...could be...I've been doing it too long to dissassociate them

Re: more questions, im sorry.
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:48:06 2001 (#4992)

oh girl, i lie about how i am feeling all the time, i alwasy say im fine, when im not. im never ok. so i know just how you;re feeling. im here to talk.. always

Re: more questions, im sorry.
Posted by a.z. on Thu Mar 22 00:14:25 2001 (#4997)

you are preaching to the choir on this one! yup...bizarre yet true. i often times feel so fake, even with the people who are supposedly in my life to love and help me no matter what. but sometimes i can't be honest with them, not necessarily because of me, but because they say such judgmental crap! and then i just feel more distant so i cut to feel more present which still doesn't help my relationships, but helps me get through the moment. people are weird, but this board sure is amazing! it's good to know that, when others suck, friends on this board prevail! a.z.

Death to the unwanted soul
Posted by Cheze2 on Wed Mar 21 20:41:04 2001 (#4970)

hey guys, i dunno what's going on with me, so many triggers in the lat 30 minutes, we had a fire drill at school, right at the end of school so we had to stay later at school, which pissed me off, and anything to do with fire alarms scare me, cause when i was a kid my sister lit herself on fire, and i was the one there, witnessing it all....and i get home and my uncle and aunt wrote me e-mails about how much they love me and truely want to be there for me. and how much they understand what i'm going through cause they're not too much older than me. and i just started crying. i feel soooo bad right now. i really really want to cut. but i've been trying to stop. it's been 2 and a half weeks so far, the longest i've ever gone in a long time. i don't want to dissapoint my dad, cause he's stopping smoking while i stop cutting. but i really really need to cut right now. all of my coping skills aren't working...maybe i should call a hotline....

Amanda

Re: Death to the unwanted soul
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 22:16:04 2001 (#4979)

Amanda,

Please don't cut! Two and a half weeks is a really long time... please don't throw all that away. Then you'll have to start from the beginning again. Please don't cut. Think about your dad and the strength that you two have to share. Be there for him and let him be there for you. It's not easy to keep from cutting. But if you do cut, and you throw that two and half weeks away, you'll hate yourself tomorrow and just want to cut more to punish yourself for blowing that time. It's a horrible cycle, just don't get it started. Please, please be strong. You can do it, Amanda, I know you can. Be strong. God speed.

Doris

Re: Death to the unwanted soul
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:38:09 2001 (#4989)

oh girl, the school life sucks, huh? yeah... im sorry. i know how scary it has to be.. there are things that frighten the hell out of me too. call a hotline, i have never, i dont feel like i can talk to a stranger. maby you can, i wish you luck

My Life: 1 word
Posted by Falling Hawk on Wed Mar 21 21:14:19 2001 (#4971)

ACID I tried it 1 time and wow, i just keep getting urges to get more. It feels so good. X is also one of my favorites but my brother wont let me thak that. only X, geezz 2 weeks and i'm already hoocked. what a world. i feel soooo good.

Re: My Life: 1 word
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Wed Mar 21 21:56:23 2001 (#4976)

i know i cant tell you wot to do, but if you are doing acid PLEASE PLEASE be careful. one of my friends once took acid and he thought he could fly...now i know that sounds nutty but he was halucinating, and because of this he jumped off a high rise car park. he died instanty. Acid may be a good time but the conciquences can be devastating. I am not telling you wot to do, im just asking you to be careful. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: My Life: 1 word
Posted by Falling Hawk on Wed Mar 21 22:39:27 2001 (#4985)

I wanna fly

Re: My Life: 1 word
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:35:02 2001 (#4988)

oh sweetie, is fake love. pleases dont go and get hocked on this, please think befor.. pleses

She is dead...it is my fault
Posted by Falling hawk on Wed Mar 21 21:17:07 2001 (#4973)

My friend killed herself last night. why dont i feel all that sad is it the acid? she told me she would shoot herself. i (borrowed a gun from my dad and didnt think she would.. but she did, and i;m sad. but not that sad. what do i do

Re: She is dead...it is my fault
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 21 22:11:10 2001 (#4978)

Falling Hawk,

I'm so sorry about your friend. That is truly aweful. But it IS NOT your fault. You can't put all the responsibility of her life and her death on your shoulders. I don't know why you're not as sad as you think you should be... maybe subconciously you expected her to do it... and you're not that sad because you're not surprised. I don't know. Anyway, what I would do is pray for her and for her family. When I can't think of a way to explain or rationalize such a tragedy, I pray. Be well, Falling Hawk. It's not your fault.

Doris

Re: She is dead...it is my fault
Posted by slash on Wed Mar 21 23:08:45 2001 (#4986)

oh my satan :sighs: im sorry about what happened and its not ur fault...unless you caused all the pain in this poor persons life which i say i doubt....but may i ask why did give her a gun...ive been trying ot get a gunn for 2 years..pple that dont give a rats ass about me even say no...welll going go.. slice and dice forever bloody hugs

Re: She is dead...it is my fault
Posted by Falling hawk on Thu Mar 22 21:24:35 2001 (#5013)

I stole it frum my dad :-(

Re: She is dead...it is my fault
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 21 23:33:09 2001 (#4987)

its alwasy a shock, when someone dies. you were secertetly thinking that she would never do that, never kill herself, and its always a shock, I am sorry. there is nothing to do... im sorry for your loss

thanks...you made a difference!
Posted by a.z. on Thu Mar 22 00:24:30 2001 (#4998)

as a newcomer i just wanted to say thanks for the responses to my 1st posting earlier this week. such a feeling came over me when i logged on today to see that people are attentive to this board and the people in need. so, thanks a bunch. it's made my relapse or whatever easier to handle. new scary thing...i still haven't told my partner that i cut. it's the 1st time since we've been together, and my fear is she'll think i was just being dramatic. we've already talked about how intense our emotions were on monday (when i cut) and she knows i was kinda freaking out during our fight...i guess we'll see what happens, i'm gonna tell her today after work. um...a little about me...i'm a 30 yo woman who cut a lot when i was 19-24, then just a couple times a year until i was 26...hadn't again until this week, and i'm just tryin to go with the flow and see what happens. reading everyone's postings have really helped me make it thru today. funny thing to be bonding over, but i'm sure glad we have this board! a.z.

Re: thanks...you made a difference!
Posted by suzie on Thu Mar 22 03:31:57 2001 (#5000)

well we are always here to help, and it helps us so much to hear that all out words actually help some one, thanks!

death becomes her..........
Posted by black rose on Thu Mar 22 04:05:21 2001 (#5002)

I feel soo alone right now...everyone in my school knows about my attempted suicide and being in the hospital and mental hospital...they know all my secrets...everything I do! I just cant take this ne more! I dont wanna live! should I grab the razor sittin across from me and just start slashing and cutting my wrists and body? I dunno what to do ne more! I g2g! BYE Christine

Re: death becomes her..........
Posted by Falling hawk on Thu Mar 22 12:42:58 2001 (#5005)

Damn chrstine, is that all you ever wanna do any more cut cut cut. is that your second likfe or something. i'll give some advice..remember this is coming from a friend who has had to live thru ppl calling her a paycho EVERY day for 4 years. Dont do anything it WONT help. only make the pain worse. not only for you but for the ppl who care about you, and dont give me that crap that no one cares, thats bull shit. i care, everyone at this board cares...your DUMB BLOND sister cares in some blond way, your parents care EVERYONE cares. so please dont do anything to yourself. okay??

{{{{{{{{{{{SHADOW}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}

Re: death becomes her..........
Posted by black rose on Fri Mar 23 03:36:13 2001 (#5025)

I'm soo sry that my life totally sux right now...I cant help it if I think about cutting alot! ppl call me psycho 2...they even follow me home! my parents r in denial about everything and my mom is putting a big fat load of bullshit on me! And I'm soo sry if I cant do ne thing right or even open my eyes to c if ppl care if I'm mostly blinded by pain and hateful things! I g2g! BYE Christine

Re: death becomes her..........
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 22 19:43:17 2001 (#5010)

I love you, Chris. Be happy.

Doris

relapsed brain
Posted by anona1 on Thu Mar 22 04:19:28 2001 (#5003)

I'm sorry...the no suicide thing was a thought I'm trying...it's very hard though...relapsed brain tonight and thinking of it again...I'm so caught...I'm so alone in this world...begging someone to rip my heart out, but screw me...I'm never enough...thought someone could be enough for me...don't know that they are...sorry I'm saying all this, just used to writing my thoughts by now...only way I ever show a form of feelings...I just don't know what to do...I don't want my whole life to end up a waste b/c it doesn't get better

Re: relapsed brain
Posted by anona1 on Thu Mar 22 04:23:18 2001 (#5004)

please don't worry, I'm damned to suffer forever

I want a baby
Posted by Kate on Thu Mar 22 18:33:06 2001 (#5006)

I know this sounds weird but I want a baby. I am 22 educated but single. I am also a virgin. This probablly more info you want to here. but it would be nice to have something to take care of. I have a pug who is kind of like a baby but she doesn't like to be held. Am I crazy?

Re: I want a baby
Posted by LOST on Thu Mar 22 18:53:17 2001 (#5007)

ur not crazy... a lot of girls feel like that. they feel empty and unloved and they feel as though if they had a baby that they would have something to love and who would love them back unconditionally. BUT i think that having a child when ur single (on purpose..) would be a bad idea... look at how hard it is for all these single parents... yes, u'll love the baby..... but it won't be very easy to get by. I mean, its HARD for 2 parents to care for a baby, just imagine how it will be with ONE... I think that u should wait until u get married or something (i hate when people tell me that!) but anyway.... just to let u know girl... ya gotta have SEX to have a baby!!! :)

Re: I want a baby
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Thu Mar 22 19:01:38 2001 (#5008)

of course you are not crazy! i would love to have a baby and im only 14!!!!!! everyone says that im weird but i really would. its a great thought having someone to love and care for...it would give me a reason to live, but i know how hard it was for my mum to bring up me + my sis on her own, so it would be a good idea to wait till you have a b/f but you dont need to wait till your married(well thats my opinion-sorry LOST!!!) wanting a baby is not a crazy thing but a natural one. Love and Hope Amanda

to lost and lonely
Posted by LOST on Thu Mar 22 21:03:01 2001 (#5011)

i think she should wait till she's married or engaged or something because its a little more secure than a boyfriend.... i mean how many times have millions of people had a boyfriend or girlfriend who they said "we'll be together forever" and end up breaking up? (sure it happens with marriages ALL THE TIME too... but i think its more common with boyfriends and girlfriends... but MOST OF ALL KATE... i think u should find a guy who u KNOW will be there for his child whether u guys are together or not... because THAT is the most important thing... don't just have any guy get u pregnant... try and be sure that he'll be a good dad no matter what (girl trust me, those are hard to find too!!).... but yeah, i've always wanted a baby... and i've been pregnant twice (once when i was 15 and also 16-- i'm now almost 18 *in may*) both pregnancies were miscarriages, and i was sooooo sad about both for the longest times... but now i realize that it worked out for the better because WHAT WOULD I DO WITH 2 KIDS???? sure i'd love them... but loving them wouldn't pay the bills or put food in their mouths. both the fathers are total losers.... anyway about a month ago, i realized that i'm not ready for a child and that just because u LOVE a baby and WANT a baby, it doesn't mean that u are ready to take care of one... i don't mean that in a MEAN way... its just that babys are a big responsibility... and they will be a big responsibility until u die,..... anyway, i want kids in a few years maybe (but they'll probably come sooner than that..)

Re: to lost and lonely
Posted by Kate on Fri Mar 23 01:51:18 2001 (#5024)

I agree. Don't worry I probablly won't have sex for a while and if I do I'll use protection. I want to have a baby if I'm married even though I hate men right now. I appreciate your honesty and I am so sorry I brought up a hard subject for you. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that.

Love, Kate

Re: to lost and lonely
Posted by LOST on Fri Mar 23 09:10:17 2001 (#5033)

oh... girl its all good! its not really a hard subject for me... just another shitty thing i've had to go through in my life :) i'm not like that... i can talk about bad things that happen to me without getting sad or whatever... i guess through the years i've just kind become numb or something, or i've just gotten used to telling these stories... anyway... don't worry about it :) and ur welcome for being honest... TRUST ME... if u ever want honesty, come over to me :) hehe stay up girl.

Julia?
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 22 19:41:15 2001 (#5009)

Hey Julia,

If you're reading this please post. It's been a couple weeks since your last post and I'm worried/curious as to how you are. Please let us know how you're doing. I know we're all concerned! Thanks! :)

Doris

Re: Julia?
Posted by black rose on Fri Mar 23 03:42:03 2001 (#5026)

Julia, I know I havent talked to u in a while...PLEASE post! ur missed! :O) Christine

Bite me
Posted by Falling hawk on Thu Mar 22 21:20:25 2001 (#5012)

I hate mom, I hate dad, i hate my teachers brothers and SO CALLED friends. i am a crazy psyhco i have no life but cut cut cut. thats what I do.

((((((((((SHADOW))))))) ))))))

Re: Bite me
Posted by Christa on Thu Mar 22 22:26:30 2001 (#5017)

Hey hon* You are not crazy and you are not psycho. You know that. And you know that there are better things to do than to cut yourself. Hon, you know I care about you and there are so many other people out there that care about you too. There is something to live for in life and someday you'll find that "something to live for in life." I'm your friend, you know that. And you know I'm always here for you. And there are other people who will be there for you too...but you've gotta try and you've gotta stop with the cutting. Please. There are other ways to deal with the hurt...you can talk to me or someone else. There ARE other ways to deal with the stress and the hurt. Don't end everything....please.

*Christa*

Re: Bite me
Posted by black rose on Fri Mar 23 03:43:57 2001 (#5027)

see...I'm not the only 1 that hates her family n' shit and thinks + cuts alot!

Re: Bite me
Posted by Little_baby_nothing on Mon Mar 26 23:02:42 2001 (#5111)

if u were a psycho, you wouldnt think you were a psycho. ud beleive you were normal

:-(
Posted by demon lover 666 on Thu Mar 22 21:44:35 2001 (#5014)

the past and present are total bastards, and if things go the same way, the future's gonna be the same. my only friends were my razor blades, but some bitch in my form took them away. now all i've got left is the awful feeling in my head and my heart, telling me that i'm better off dead, telling me that there isn't anything left to live for, well, maybe there isn't.

how will you know i'm hurting.... if you cannot see my pain.... to wear it on my body.... tells what words cannot explain....

theres a monster in my heart.... slowly tearing my world apart.... there's a demon in my head.... telling me i'm better off dead....

i need something to live for.

Re: :-(
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Thu Mar 22 22:24:26 2001 (#5016)

a reason to live....this board for a start, we all care about you here and we dont want you to die. the past you cannot change but the future you can. make the future how you want it to be, everytime you do or say something the future changes how you react to things could change you life, if you die now then you will never know wot will happen tomorro, live for thought, live for the reason that tomorro your life could change for the better. dying now will mean that you died unhappy, live your life and you will die a happier, better person, you may change someone life, save someones life, but how will you know if you die today? tomorro is a new day, make it different by doin something life changing. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: :-(
Posted by Christa on Thu Mar 22 22:38:44 2001 (#5020)

Amanda, that's really great advice. :) There is always something to live for in life...you just have to find it. And if you die now, you won't find it. Like Amanda said, if you die now you'll just die unhappy. You weren't put here on this Earth just to end your life prematurly...live it out. And when the time comes you'll know it...you'll know because you'll be truely happy.

I don't know what else to say...just know that anybody here is in my prayers from now on...just know that there is someone out there that cares about you staying alive and living. Just know I care.

*Christa*

LOST
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Thu Mar 22 22:18:24 2001 (#5015)

i can see your point and i think that it is very valid, the reason i said to kate to wait till she had a b/f is that i dont believe in marriage....and i know that so many ppl would dissagree with me but i dont see the point in sayin a few vows, if your in love with a person then you dont nesaserily have to go into a church to prove that. i dont mean to upset any one but im not christian, in actually a pagan, so i have very different thoughts on life. as for the baby thing...i think oyu were very right in wot u said, love is one thing but it WONT feed a baby. i very nearly got pregnant a year ago and like you, looking back i know that its for the best that i didnt have a kid. Just my thoughts. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: LOST
Posted by LOST on Fri Mar 23 09:18:50 2001 (#5034)

yeah i dont think that marriage means much now a days in a lot of cases... because my friends mom acts real young and stuff and so do her friends (or maybe we act old.. i dunno) anyway, we go out partying with them all the time and they are all married... but they all cheat on their husbands and their husbands cheat on them... and usually the people that they cheat WITH are also married... so i agree that its not the VOWS that mean so much and i think u can have just as good of a relationship being married or not... it just depends on the 2 people and the love that they share... i tell my friends all the time that marriage doesn't mean anything anymore... but i DO know that when *I* get married, it WILL mean something to me... and i hope it means something to them... ya know? oh and another thing... i've ALWAYS wanted to get married young... i think it might have to do with the same thing as wanting a baby... how u will have someone to love and who will love u... but my dreams were kind of shattered when i realized that marriage is just one more thing that u'll have to get hurt over (divorce)... but anyway.. oh and u didn't upset me by what u said at all girl... don't trip off of that :) oh and i'm not christian either... i'm nothing.... alright keep ur head up girl.... :)

pills,drugs,and knives
Posted by Falling Hawk on Thu Mar 22 22:37:14 2001 (#5019)

PILLS: Why i love them so much: feeling high, puking, hospital, nut house, no school, icolated from others, DRUGS: feeling high, feeling NO pain, staying home, KNIVES: Cutting, threatining ppl and cutting up food ;-)

Re: pills,drugs,and knives
Posted by slash on Sat Mar 24 04:00:55 2001 (#5043)

i know how you feel i love any sharp things i meanany SHARP things and it sucks b/c i want a b/f g/f with lots of scars and who is a fellow mutilater ...someone who would be willing to cut me up during sex sumthing that is imporment i need pain...its so great pain is god and pills i take lots of those well i used to take alot more i fucked my stomach to all hell it always hurt so ..i know u wont listen which is totally understanding but dont take lots of pills try to lower it i fucking hate drugs b/c i hate everybodies...i mean what the hell are they going to do for u but fuck u up more and waste your money ..they turn u into everybodies have u ever seen disturbing behavior? its sort of lithat ...but drugs are like chips in pples head well email me or sumthing bloody hugs slash

Re: pills,drugs,and knives
Posted by Alana on Sun Mar 25 00:21:05 2001 (#5063)

I'm sorry to say this..and I don't mean to be rude, but the two of you honestly scare the fuck out of me. Yah, we all have issues here and we need some help, but you two need some serious help. I can't even describe the sick feeling I get in my stomach when I read the shit you guys write. Its like you don't have real feelings or something. The whole thing about cutting during sex is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. It honestly hurts me to think that someone would do that..especially during sex. YOu two are nuts. its not just you two, but you are the reason why some people leave here. Whats the point of sticking around if these people don't want to get better. They like it. Nuh-uh, I don't want this insanity in my life. It hurts way too much. Sorry if I sounded rude. Alana

stitches??
Posted by Butterfly on Fri Mar 23 00:58:02 2001 (#5022)

how big can a cut be before it needs stitches? I know gaping wounds need stitching, but could anyone be more specific on how wide it can get before it needs stitching up.

and just incase any of you were worrying, don't. i haven't cut and i'm not planning on it anytime soon. I would like to know for the future, just incase. Thanks.

stay safe, butterfly.

Re: stitches??
Posted by Falling hawk on Fri Mar 23 01:25:55 2001 (#5023)

hOW DEEP DO YOU HAVE TO CUT? I CANT ANWSER THAT. A ALWAYS NEED STICHES. I DONT NO HOW DEEP I CUT. I KEEP GOIN TILL THE WHOLE KNIFE IS IN MY ARM

Re: stitches??
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 23 04:58:57 2001 (#5028)

Well, all of mine needed stiches, and there pretty deep. I've found that there are four depths. 1) upper skin 2) deep skin 3) fat layer 4) muscle. If it goes deep into the layer number 2, it needs stiches. Any deeper It REALLY needs stiches. Of course, this is just my personal observation.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: stitches??
Posted by Jamie on Fri Mar 23 05:53:18 2001 (#5029)

I have found that anything that gapes open more than 1 to 1 1/2 cm needs to be stitched together.

Re: stitches??
Posted by cate on Fri Mar 23 06:31:10 2001 (#5030)

anything gaping where you can't stop the bleeding I think, it's definately important to stop the bleeding, but basically, if you can keep the sides pretty well together, and stop the bleeding yourself, you don't really NEED stitches (though they may still be good) the further apart the sides are the worse the scar so...

ultimate sadness
Posted by shite on Fri Mar 23 08:24:00 2001 (#5031)

I'm at a complete loss. Every thing and one is slipping away and I sit dripping blood, but it doens't really matter. Dno't want to be inedtified so not saying much. Just am at ultimate sadness.

hi...nonsense stuff
Posted by anona1 on Fri Mar 23 08:49:47 2001 (#5032)

tough night...sad night...I hate this, but I'll live if it's up to me...still want to die though...I know others feel this way...hope I'm enough...damn...feel so helpless...worried...can't keep being this vague with real words so I'm going to just type something weird and probably deranged or whatever...

I claw at the wall, begging to break through and suck in another breath, blow it into your mouth to give you strength...there's no fucking window though and my nails are stuck in the wall...find my knife...dig into the paper, plaster and wood...worn down...I hit brick...hit my head, float into my head with it's purple, orange and green spots...dream of waking up, find myself lying on a yellow brick road...find straw, pour on oil and torch it...meet up with a lion that rips me apart...(don't know what the hell brought on Wizard of Oz, probably the lion b/c I've clawed myself like one, oh well)...I morph into the witch, laughing at other's misfortunes and causing more...dreaming of the day I'll melt into nothingness...who ever said monkeys fly? mine drive Harley's, sent to return with the body of the girl ripped to shreds so that I can eat her still pulsating heart...she arrives, bleeding from the mouth...and I still feel alive in her...she stirs, eyes begging mercy looking at me, but I slash her open and show her her weakly beating heart...such a waste to kill a girl who's heart barely beats at all...throw it in the girl's face, not good enough to eat...(okay, I know I'm weird...but since everything is too personal to write, I'd rather make up something that seems like nonsense but that I can still relate to, if any of you are still bothering to read this...)

the emerald city glitters with its greedy green...taking from the poor, taking from the poor...horses with asses of different colors...changing as you slap it with a whip until it yells loud enough for someone to open the door and let you in...people staring, trying to fix you up so you're perfect to them...brave enough to face the wizard, wanting to escape, drift of in a basket in the clouds...straw has a brain, at least the tin man's heart was converted into ruby red shoes so I can get the hell out and thanks to the lion for fucking me up (I really identify with the ways of cats, but don't like them, have a dog at home...hmmm, like anyone cares) so if I escape, I'll have no heart, but will it matter?

ok, really twisted, but I don't care...very upsetting past few days...need an unobvious way of getting it out...

Re: hi...nonsense stuff
Posted by beautiful and dying on Sat Mar 24 23:40:18 2001 (#5061)

wow! that was really good...i love it! call it nonsense, maybe nonsense is my style... but i love it...keep fighting... love and glitterrrrrr xxxxxx

Re: hi...nonsense stuff
Posted by butterfly on Sun Mar 25 01:39:19 2001 (#5066)

if it helps, type it!!! i think it's beautiful

you type what you want, i love reading it

Re: hi...nonsense stuff
Posted by anona1 on Mon Mar 26 11:02:57 2001 (#5098)

thanks guys

NEW
Posted by Elaine Strickland on Fri Mar 23 19:34:21 2001 (#5035)

I am new here. I have been cutting since I was 12 and now I am 17. I really want to cut bad right now and dont know what to do about it. If I cut again I will get sent to Chicago. If anyone has any suggestions of what to do please write.

Elaine

Re: NEW
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 23 20:12:39 2001 (#5036)

What I do when I want to cut is I write. I write poetry, I write in a journal, or I just sit at a desk and pour out my soul on a piece of paper. I never thought it would work until I tried it. It was a good release for me - the same kind of release that cutting gives. You may think it's a stupid idea, but it's kept me for three months without cutting. Give it a try. :)

Doris

Re: NEW
Posted by black rose on Sat Mar 24 04:34:25 2001 (#5045)

Elaine...I'm in the same situation...my mom wants to send me to Chicago for the S.A.F.E. program if she catches me cutting again! Just write, call someone, or talk to someone here if u dont wanna cut! we all try our hardest to help out in ne sitchuation! if u need to talk my s/n is twistedpsycho13@aol.com...dont let the name throw u off Christine