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Threads 1201 to 1250

HELLO AGAIN!!
Posted by Cheze2 on Sat Mar 10 00:30:17 2001 (#4450)

hey everyone! i'm back now, its been 3 weks since i've been here. i was in a psych hospital. but i'll get aroud to seeing all of your posts as soon as possible, and update u on my situation as well :) byes

-me-

Re: HELLO AGAIN!!
Posted by Sharon on Sat Mar 10 00:54:14 2001 (#4451)

hey! glad you're back, how are things going? let us know, k?

hugs,

sharon

Re: HELLO AGAIN!!
Posted by suzie on Sat Mar 10 02:33:37 2001 (#4453)

hey there, HELLO!! welcome back, woah, reading 3 weeks of posts, hahaha good luck, lol, sorry that was mean, but please do update us., thanks byebye

Re: HELLO AGAIN!!
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 19:58:57 2001 (#4478)

HI!!!!!! Be sure to update us on how you're doing when you can!!!!!

love and prayers, Colin

confession
Posted by white rabbit on Sat Mar 10 01:33:49 2001 (#4452)

It's been a while. It's been a long while sinse I hurt myself. I was washing dishes the other day. I was scrubbing week old scum off of a coffee mug, my hands and the cup were covered in sudsy soap. It slipped out of my hands and shattered on the sink. I tried to catch it as it fell and, in doing so, I sliced open my thumb, pinky and *TA-DA* my wrist. I didn't realize at first that I had been injured, but when the soap started turning bright red I looked down and saw what happened. My wounds were pouring blood. It was beautiful. All I could do was stare at my hands held up in front of my face and watch the blood run down my arms to drip off my elbows onto the sink. After awhile someone came in and helped me clean up. But for those few minutes while I was all alone whaching my bloody hands like they were starring in a movie was just beautiful. No thoughts ran through my head, just a kind of peaceful meditation. I forgot how cathartic blood can be. I don't think I'll be starting my dirty little habbit again, but the memory of it was more than a sufficient trigger. Oh well, whatever happens, happens.

I feel where I can't hurt; I hurt where I can't feel; I know where I can't know; I BLEED for me and mine.

-smashing pumpkins

Re: confession
Posted by suzie on Sat Mar 10 02:36:13 2001 (#4454)

wow that must to have been very powerful, i bet, it was an accident but still. i hope that dosent trigger you into cutting again. i do wish you feel, well i must go now, good luck

Re: confession
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 20:05:26 2001 (#4479)

Hmmm. That's quite the tale. Whenever I try and stop, sthuff like that really makes me want to do it as well.

love and prayers, Colin

Frustrated&Confused!
Posted by ShadowOfLife on Sat Mar 10 04:08:59 2001 (#4455)

well, i just stumbled upon this page while lookin up info about self injury. i wanna stop what i'm doing to myself. i really do..before it gets TOO far out of hand. i've only cut myself about...well, im not sure how many times cause i've cut over the scars and i've lost count. (it started a couple months ago). but i've been feeling really depressed and i kan't (no matter how i try) get over this feeling. its been w/ me since about last june or july (which is nearing a year now). i get so frustrated and feel so worthless. everytthing seems hopeless and like my life is a lost cause that doesn't need to continue any longer. i thought about suicide constantly(and still do), but then i started cutting myself. most the the stuff i've been reading has refered to ppl using a razor, well, i use a knife...it has the same effect i'm sure. blood still seeps, u still feel pain. i'm not even sure why i'm writing this right now, i guess just to try and let things come out...to try and clear the fog which is my mind. i'm thinking that by typing this, it'll make things seem easier...its not working. oh well. i tried. it seems that everytime i try REALLY hard to get over my depression, it just backfires, i have an awful umm...what would u call it? panic attack? and end up pacing, yelling(or muttering), and grabbing my knife and cutting my arm. afterwards, i feel so relieved, so much better. like everything bad has gone away. but the awful feelings alwayz come back later. its just a temporary relief. i've never been to a psychiatrist, never been on any meds, but i'm wondering if maybe i should. i don't know. i would have to tell my parents, and thatz something i don't think i could bear to do. they (and i) put so much pressure on myself in the things i do, i have to be perfect. i don't think i could confront them and say "guess what? i'm not perfect..not at all..and i need help..." i dont know what to do...i really dont. *sigh*....this is just SO frustrating!

Re: Frustrated&Confused!
Posted by suzie on Sat Mar 10 04:27:21 2001 (#4456)

right now i am reading your post thinking, i feel the same way, i know how it feels. i know how hard it feels to post here the first time. i was so scared, that i wasnt going to be accepted, but you know what, dispite out problems, we all leave each other. we all help each other. we all post about out pain. we all have good days and bad days and stuff like that, but its ok., you will feel comfetable with this place and its surroundings. perfection, its a deadly killer. dosent it hurt to want to be something, and try so hard to be perfect. but it feels as if you're not. it sucks dosent it. but no one is perfect. the people or seem perfect seem perfect in other peoples eyes but not theirs. You may seem perfect in other peopls eyes, but not in yours. you dont always know what everyone is thinking. its hard to know what to do, where to turn, what to say. but it will get better. come here, and post as often as you feel you need to. we will always be here!

Re: Frustrated&Confused!
Posted by Lyds on Sat Mar 10 06:26:13 2001 (#4459)

I have been having exactly the same thoughts lately. I know i need help and I crave it but that would mean having to admit to my parents in that same way and they think of my as thier perfect little girl so i could never break thier hearts. I am sorry i have no solutions for you but i have none for myself either. if i figure it out i'll tell you and if you figure it out tell me.

Re: Frustrated&Confused!
Posted by marie on Sat Mar 10 21:27:13 2001 (#4464)

hi well i just want to say i read your passage and i know exactly how you feel. I have been through the same things and right now it has gotten serious. I am in therapy and I want to let u know you are not alone But we have to somehow overcome this urge to cut we need to be happy and not let this take over

Re: Frustrated&Confused!
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 20:18:07 2001 (#4480)

Wow. Sing my story why don't you? Seriously. You are right, cutting is only a temporary solution and it fades pretty quick. It sucks. We are really slaves to it, aren't we? You are also right when you say that you have to get better and you need help. We all do, and that's what this place is for! A support group of people that understand and don't judge. Keep posting, it does helt to relieve some of that frustration you refered to!

love and prayers, Colin

poem:taking my life
Posted by ShadowOfLife on Sat Mar 10 04:59:42 2001 (#4457)

shall i post a poem? might as well. here goes...(eh...this one kinda borders on suicide, but i already had it typed): "Taking My Life" Why do I live with this hate? Just think of the intricate design a kife can create I sit here and wonder why I care All this is so unfair! Then I pick up the knife Who gives a fuck about my life?! The knife takes its first cut Do you think I'm some nut?! Why did my life even begin? The blood seeps from within Red liquid pours from me Oh god, who did this to me?! It was you! See, I know this to be true You changed something inside of me You taught me how not to cry But you told me a lie! I thought you were my angel with wings Look at what such a fib brings! Soon I will be gone I'll never see another dawn My strength grows weak But I still think you're a freak Because of you I did this You I shall not miss

Re: poem:taking my life
Posted by suzie on Sat Mar 10 05:00:36 2001 (#4458)

wow, thats powerful

im sorry
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Sat Mar 10 07:16:02 2001 (#4460)

im sorry for all you who read my post and look at me with pitty. im sorry for taking up space with my fake problems. im sorry for complain about myself. and for wasting your time. im sorry for all those who i have hurt. im sorry for all those who hate me, and for all those that i have made upset, im sorry for all those who feel i waste their time. im sorry for all the pain that i have caused my parents. Im sorry for all the pain that i have caused my friends. Im sorry for the one person that i love, that i waste their time. im sorry for all those readiing this, when there are other peoples to read. im sorry that i feel i have to waste my life. im sorry for all those who might miss me. im sorry for all those who wont. im sorry for breaking the law. im sorry for being a sin. im sorry for not being true to me. im sorry for ever lettng it get this far. im sorry for letting me do that first, amazing cut. im sorry for always being so damn pesimistic. im sorry for every scar that lined my body. im sorry for faking happiness. Im sorry for faking me. Im sorry lieing to me. and i will be sorry for dieing. i am sorry for 5 dollars my parents wasted on these motrin. im sorry for buying those big pack of razors in december. im sorry for being born. im sorry i didnt belive in god for most of my life. im sorry that i sin so much. im sorry that i am here. im sorry for all the people who might get hurt. im sorry for all the people who might feel bad. im sorry for my friend who will live on with out me. im happy it will be over soon. im happy i wont have to fake it any more. im happy i will be free.

good night god bless

ignorance is bliss

Re: im sorry
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 20:25:33 2001 (#4481)

Please...don't be sorry...

love and prayers, Colin

some thoughts
Posted by Lyds on Sat Mar 10 07:56:14 2001 (#4461)

Lately suicide thought have consumed much of my time. I think about it at school, at home, all the time. i know many of you out there do too and i just wanted to share a few of my opinions.

I thik that suicide thoughts are very natural, there is no aspect of life that is more complex than death. but, at the same time it is something so natural to life. it happens to everyone. i have had some really sucky things happen to me this year and i truly would like to be able to kill myself. but i do not have the courage. every day i try to think of one thing that keeps me going. i just need to find one person or thing that would not be the same without me. Often, it comes down to the fact that the cat would starve to death becuase there would be noone there to feed her.

but i feel very hopeless. and reading the thoughts of everyone here i see how crappy and shitty life truly can be, this board represents two very extremes of life. the emotions expressed by you all show me the lowest point of human existence. but the love and friendship you profess for each other show me the heights of the human sole and the amazing glory of humankind.

so i urge you all to think very carefully about your own thoughts on suicide. i know personally that no matter how much i would like to die i will never kill myself. when we cut and when we contemplate suicide we are all looking for a way out. looking for something that is easier than what we feel. you are all very special people. you can live and experience a full range of emotion and you have more depth than any other group of people i have ever seen.

so keep these last thoughts in mind the next time you really feel that suicide is your only option. -you have the ability to experience feeling so deep that it consumes every aspect of your being and to me that is the definition of human perfection (an oxymoron, i know) - you are a wonderful person and you have a wonderful soul and remeber all the people in the world, especially at this board, that you have the capacity to help. the people here need you even if it is just to have someone who is out there that really truly KNOWS what you feel -lastly, death is a very final option. cutting is a way to escape but death is not. you can change your mind about cutting, you can decide to protect yourself but you can not change your mind about death. i guarentee that no matter how alone you feel that there is someone out there who would miss you if you were gone, someone who would feel guilty if you took you own life and i want you to hang on so we can help each other through the hard times and support each other in the hapiness of the good ones

Thank you all. I have been so depressed lately and so ALONE. and just in the past day i have discovered the enormity of people out there who can understand me and that has warmed my soul. today when i was at school i was thinking about this board and how amazing it is that all the people at school can be considered good and normal when they are incapable of understanding the depth of life that i know you all are familiar with and for the first time in a few months i feel not so alone and i want you to know i owe it to each and every one of you so please take care of your selves and remeber that i will always be here for you and i will most probably be in need of you for the rest of my years.

Sincerely, Lyds

Re: some thoughts
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 20:30:49 2001 (#4482)

Beautiful. Purely beautiful. Thank you vey much Lyds.

love and prayers, Colin

Anyone looking for Fran? i know where she is...
Posted by beautiful & dying on Sat Mar 10 16:09:03 2001 (#4462)

hey, just noticed people looking for fran, just thought i'd let you know, her computer os off line and she's gotta use the skool ones, so she hasn't been around much, she's had the flu... don't worry, i spoke to her on the phone earlier :) love and glittery bits xxxxxx

Re: Anyone looking for Fran? i know where she is..
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 20:35:17 2001 (#4483)

Freakin right! I was worried like TEN about her! I hope she can post soon!

love and prayers, Colin

Poem:Cutting
Posted by ShadowOfLife on Sat Mar 10 20:57:32 2001 (#4463)

Yep. another poem. i right poems when i get upset.

"CUTTING" Think of all this hate Think of the cuts your knife could make Think of its crimson trail Think of yourself...so frail You can't stop this cutting Its like an endless maze and you're forever running You hear your knife call You try to be strong and build a wall But the wall crumbles to the ground Making sure no one is there, you take a quick glace around You walk to your drawer and grab your knife You have no intent of taking your life You grasp the knife in your hand Its like making marks in the sand The blade feels so cool To outsiders this seems so cruel But to you its your way to feel relief It helps you to reduce all that grief Your knife is such a powerful tool Your life it knows it can rule What's so bad about watching yourself bleed? Afterall, its something you need

my reason for people thinking this board
Posted by Cheze2 on Sun Mar 11 05:48:08 2001 (#4466)

for people thinking this board isn't useful and it's just people giving out their problems, is cause that's all there is here. i mean not to offend anyone cause i sure as hell am not "cleared" yet but how many people here actually don't cut? we all have the same views and there for when we want help we cant get it cause people are seeing things as the others do. i mean admit it, as much as you love cutting and you don't want to stop there is a little part inside of u that does, or else you wouldn't be here, posting when you feel like shit. you guys know what i mean?? i dunno, i just thought i would put my 2 cents in there...

Re: my reason for people thinking this board
Posted by LOST on Sun Mar 11 08:01:29 2001 (#4468)

*raises hand* i don't cut anymore... i used to for about 4 years... and i like read all the posts here but i don't really know what to say because i know that my words won't cure anyone...

Re: my reason for people thinking this board
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Sun Mar 11 21:10:05 2001 (#4486)

i think some of what you said is very true, i mean im trying very hard to stop. after cutting for nearly 3 years and having scarred my body, i want out. i have had enough, but its hard. i mean REALLY hard. and the longest i have gone without cutting was 4 weeks, but i screwed that up. i come here for support and to try to support others. and i think the suppport i get has really helped, and i hope my support has helped someone. Well thats my bit. Love and Hope Amanda

i jsut don't know
Posted by Ang on Sun Mar 11 07:09:53 2001 (#4467)

i feel so empty and lost in my own body i wanna cut so bad but i can't cuz i gave my blade to kris( my ex)and i wanna take vicoidin SO badly i wanan die i feel so much...nothingness, it herts and i miss him so much but at the same time it herts so much to see him or talk to him i just want him to disapear but at rhew same time i don' tand onm top of that that hert feeling that feels like it's going to ruin u i don't want it to go away becasue i don't wanan loose that love and ERRR

Re: i jsut don't know
Posted by LOST on Sun Mar 11 08:05:10 2001 (#4469)

i don't really understand the situation with u and ur ex... are u guys still involved or just friends or just friends but u want it to be more? but maybe if i know a lil more i can give u some advice....

and don't u hate when u really wanna get over someone but the second u see them, all the feelings come back and u want nothing more than to hold them but u know if u do u'll just get hurt again and so ur kinda just stuck because either way its gonna suck booty.

recovered?
Posted by heather on Sun Mar 11 18:42:02 2001 (#4471)

I used to self injure. I'm 20 years old, and I haven't done it in a while. I still stuggle horribly with eating disorders, both bulimia and aneorexia. Bit I got myself back in college and one of the courses I'm taking is abnormal psych. I have to do a research paper on anything abnormal, so I decided to do it on what I know best--self injury. I'm a very art-oriented person, and for some preverted reason I decided that I wanted to put a picture of injury on the title page of my paper. I want other people to realize what this is--that its not a game, but its not suicide, either. Its about staying alive. Anyways, I couldn't get the picts I found on the net to copy into my word processer. So I decided to take a picture myself. And I did--I cut myself and took pictures--not showing anything that would identify me, of course. I didn't think it was self injury at all. I did it for my report. But I feel so much better--and I haven't had trouble with eating at all today. Was that really self injury? Am I back in trouble again? Please tell me what you think. I'm afraid to tell my therapist, she's so proud that I'm not injuring anymore.

Re: recovered?
Posted by gnimia on Sun Mar 11 19:06:14 2001 (#4472)

I guess what it comes down to is whether you want to get back into self injury, or if you feel that this lapse canbe controlled safely. its great that youve stopped, especially if you still have things that bother you. you have proved to yourself that you dont need it, that you can survive withput it, however long its been. dont let one "accident" send ypou back there. try to tell your therapist, but make it clear the circumstances and that you dont want to carry on, (if its true). youve given up once, you can do it again. xxxxxx dont be afraid to get in contact anytime.

Control.
Posted by LilFaeire on Sun Mar 11 19:15:38 2001 (#4473)

We all cut ourselves becasue we say we need too cut ourselves to stay alive and have control. for example anorexics feel they can do it for control in some situtions. we say its a coping mechanism. e say its what we use to control our feeling and frustration yet arent we all here becasue we cant control what we are doing? and we no longer have the control that we wanted? isnt the cutting now controlling us? the control has become an obsession.

Re: Control.
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Sun Mar 11 21:13:52 2001 (#4488)

a helpful thing is now a dangerouse one. the obsession can kill.

Parents
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 19:21:44 2001 (#4474)

I've just got back from a weekend at my aunts It was really nice and i really enjoyed myself.I get back home to find my mums been a bitch to my stepdad and neither of them have bothered to go across the road to get dog food.The lazey fuckers havent fed her properly for 2 days while i was gone.My stepdads being arsey with me making fun of what i'm annoyed with whichmakes me even more wound up. I hate the fuckers stupid irresponsible (of a puppy) bastards. Also i had something in the post and both parents sent me a message to tell me.Mum asked if i got her message i told her yes and that rich (stepdad) had sent 1 aswell.She went off on one saying he always has to be first. I had a really nice weekend to come back to shitty parents that make me wanna die. I hate life

Jess (sorry for boring you with all the details)

........
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 19:46:12 2001 (#4475)

I really screwed up yesterday. I mean REALLY screwed up. I cut again. It was worse than I ever have before. I counted 86 cuts. It's the most I've ever done at one time. Why can't I seem to stop? Why am I cutting deeper and greater in numbers? Why am I so pathetic that I just can't stop this? I'm really getting scared now. I just can't stop. It's so pathetic. I'm so pathetic. I'm sorry I let everyone down. I try but I just can't beat it anymore. I want to stop so bad but it's like another entity is controling me when I do it. There was so much blood I was getting dizzy. I'm so sorry everyone.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: ........
Posted by Alana on Sun Mar 11 19:48:12 2001 (#4476)

Colin, you have to talk to me. I'm here for you. Talk to me whenever. Email me, we'll make a time, ok? Just talk to me. I love you, Alana

Re: ........
Posted by suzie on Sun Mar 11 20:42:25 2001 (#4484)

please know that you are fine. everything is ok. i know life can be so hard at times. and it can also be so scary. but please know that we all care for you so much. with each word you have ever spoken, with every inside joke that we have said. every moment that i have spent talking to you, has helped me more than you will ever relize. i am alive, right now because of you. you have been so strong for so long. its ok. its is comletly ok

Re: ........
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Sun Mar 11 21:03:38 2001 (#4485)

Hey you havent let anyone down. We all have set backs, i had one the other day, you just need to look past it and on to the future and look for a life without cutting. because we all know its possible it just takes a huge amount of courage and strength, witch you have to find within yourself. The fact that you want to stop shows that you do have that strength and will. No matter what happens you will be able to stop and live a life full of peace and happiness. We are all here for you, and you are not pathetic and you have not let us down. Good luck with the fight. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: ........
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 21:11:04 2001 (#4487)

Colin, ur not pathetic! U didnt let me down by cutting! I know how u feel when u say it's worse than b4 cuz it's the same for me...the cuts r getting deeper and more of them everyday! if u ever need ne 1 to talk to PLEASE IM me or e-mail me! I wanna help! K? Christine

Re: ........
Posted by none on Sun Mar 11 21:27:18 2001 (#4489)

Hey well you didn't let me down. I don't know what to do or say to help. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. We all mess up when we decide not to cut. It is a long recovery road. You'll mess up and feel really bad but eventually one day you'll stop for good. I can't say don't feel bad b/c you probably feel like crap. I really don't know what to say and it makes me feel bad. Just know that you didn't let me down and I'm here for you. none

Re: ........
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 22:43:39 2001 (#4494)

Hey man, your far from pathetic,so far its not there.Stopping never seems to happen when its on the brain all the time.You cut more and deeper each time cos u get more courage and it feels better.Don't feel bad.Your such a great person.Please dont give up. Don't let it beat you.First equal it.Then as you get wiser (if you could possibly do that seeing as you are already (good thing)!)You will learn to overcome it. Hey man throw a smile in my direction.I know whats behind it,but a smile always helps even for a second.

I Love you ;-)

Jess

Re: ........
Posted by ShadowOfLife on Mon Mar 12 02:44:31 2001 (#4512)

I'm not sure how to respond to ur post really. but whatever u do, whatever u start thinking, u're not in any way pathetic. never let urself think that. it may seem that way, but u've gotta realize that u're NOT pathetic. and u kan't give up. never let urself give up. we all have set backs, we all do things we regret, but sooner or later we're gunna conquer these problems and things are gunna be ok again. and u shouldn't feel sorry for doing it, its not ur fault. its not something u kan control. i know this. i try not to feel sorry when i do it, it'll just make it seem so much worse. i just think that no matter what happens, i CAN overcome this. its just gonna take a while and recovery IS gonna include set backs. its only natural and doesn't make u pathetic. Lots of Love, Danielle

helpless piece of Shit
Posted by Falling Hawk on Sun Mar 11 21:32:14 2001 (#4490)

I am really sick of the friggen school guidence councler. she is always saying she can help me. she cant she dosnt even care what happens to me:-( she called me a fuc*en freak:(. i wanna die..........

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 21:39:20 2001 (#4491)

u r not a freak...and she is wrong! if she cant give u the help u need then u do need to tell some one...like ur parents! I know u dont want to but if she cant help u and u still cut then u need to! if u dont want to I'll always b here to help u out! K? Christine

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by WeaZLe on Sun Mar 11 22:25:45 2001 (#4492)

just thought id tell you i totally relate to you...our school councillour is the biggest dick ever, she thinks she knows what shes on about but its just her fuckin job...sorry she just pisses me off so bad! well basicly i know what ur going thru....i say we get big sawn off shotguns and attack them all

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 22:50:49 2001 (#4495)

I don't have a school counsellor.She sounds like a bitch with attitude.I'd spread a malitious rumour round school bout her havin hair transplants or barbed wire up her butt. (joke/ish) She's the freak not you

Jess

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by Falling Hawk on Sun Mar 11 23:25:49 2001 (#4498)

I wish she'd get fired>:-( she is like your a messed up peice of shit. I hit her with my books lol

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by JULIA on Sun Mar 11 23:29:31 2001 (#4499)

I hate school guidance counsellors too, they're shit! They always think that they know you and that they can help you but it's not true. I'm sorry that she called you a freak, I don't think you're a freak. Hope things go better with your counsellor! Do you SI? I'm just curious, I'm still a bit new here, only been coming here for about 1/2 weeks now.

Re: helpless piece of Shit
Posted by Falling Hawk on Sun Mar 11 23:51:08 2001 (#4503)

yeah i SI:-(

aaaaah!!!!!!
Posted by demon lover 666 on Sun Mar 11 22:34:15 2001 (#4493)

hey all, i just found this website while i was browsing and thought i'd post a message.

it feels so good to find so many people that are all feeling the same as me, and doing the same as me, you've no idea.

my life is absolute shit at the moment, and theres nothing i can do about it. these are my thoughts at the moment, how i feel about myself.

"i'm just the girl who's lost, the girl who's forever fading away, going farther and farther into the background. someday i'll suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile will remain behind as an ironic remnant. i am the girl you see in a photograph, the one who looks so vibrant and shimmery, bot who is soon going to be gone. when you look at the picture again, i assure you, i will not be there. i will be erased from history. with every day that goes by i feel myself getting more and more invisible, getting covered by thick coats of darkness, that are going to suffocate me slowly. day after day of depression, the kind that doesn't seem bad enough to send me to hospital, but allows me to sit here as if everything were completely normal. depression has simply taken residence in my mind-a vision, a dream-yet it is slowly creeping into the lives of those around me, ruining them like i ruined myself. if only it were a matter of keeping me away from my bad habits, if i had something to focus on getting rid of. instead it's just something that in measurable terms does not exist. i have taken overdoses, i have scarred my arms with razorblades, and yet no one comes to rescue me because, on paper, there is no actual problem. so what does getting out of depression mean? learning to keep away from your own mind?"

Re: aaaaah!!!!!!
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 22:58:52 2001 (#4496)

*raised hand* I can relate.My doctor acts as if it's normal.I think he doesn't get it.Like loads of other people.They can't be bothered to find out about the way we feel and are, so they belive themselves and shit they've been told.I'd love to know what getting out of depression meant,i like what you think.It sounds so true.

Punch a wall(softly)

Jess

SAVED BY MY TEACHER!
Posted by JULIA on Sun Mar 11 23:25:06 2001 (#4497)

My teacher basically saved my life. She knew that I wanted to die and that I was going to kill myself. I had to have a big meeting with my father, the pricipal at my school and my school counsellor, it was a nightmare. They all know about my SI, remember my teacher caught me in the bathroom. Things are much worse now because everone watches my every move, do you know what that's like? I can't do anything. I'm always afraid someone is going to catch me doing something "wrong". I don't want to go to school tomorrow, it will be so awful. I already hated school, now I hate it even more. So, does anyone out there miss me? Well, it's okay if you don't, usually know one would even notice I'm gone, I mean the people here where I live.

Lot's of hugs for everyone...

Julia

Re: SAVED BY MY TEACHER!
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 23:31:31 2001 (#4500)

Julia, everyone watches every move i make too! I miss u! please dont do ne thing "stupid"! PLEASE!!! talk to me, IM me or e-mail me! Christine

Re: SAVED BY MY TEACHER!
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 23:49:51 2001 (#4502)

I miss you.School will allways be shit until something you like goes on then it's different.I'd hate to have all my teachers know,it must be hell.Hang in there.It's bad enough havin your parents checking up every 10mins to c wat ure doin let alone teachers.

push a big smile out (it wont do much but it does sumthing) Jess

my life SUX!!!
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 23:45:44 2001 (#4501)

I hate this...I cant take it ne more! why can things NEVER go right for me? Thanx for callin me b4 Julie...but I dont think it's gonna work this time! I'm soo sry...I'm gonna try as hard as I can to make it through the night so I can atleast talk to my psychologist(like it's gonna b ne help ne ways)! O well! what else can I do but try? all I can do is try and I hate it! Y is it always like this? bye Christine

Re: my life SUX!!!
Posted by Falling Hawk on Sun Mar 11 23:54:30 2001 (#4504)

Hey Cris. dont worry.. your sis is a big time bitch:( Your making me all sad. *sniff* i wanna die:'-(

Re: my life SUX!!!
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 23:58:19 2001 (#4507)

I dont wanna make u sad or want u to die! I'm sry! Christine

Re: my life SUX!!!
Posted by Jess on Sun Mar 11 23:55:05 2001 (#4505)

hang in there and stay safe.I care for you

Jess

help?
Posted by blackrose on Sun Mar 11 23:55:22 2001 (#4506)

how do I make it thru the night??? I dont know ne more! I dont know what to do! christine

Re: help?
Posted by Falling Hawk on Mon Mar 12 00:02:29 2001 (#4508)

Bitch if you kill your self i'm going down with you. aww fuck it i got the gun . so i guess this is good bye?

Re: help?
Posted by blackrose on Mon Mar 12 00:31:00 2001 (#4509)

No! dont do this...I cant take this! dont kill urself bcuz I do! please dont! PLEASE!!

Re: help?
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 00:34:36 2001 (#4510)

Whats going on there? I don't understand

Re: help?
Posted by Falling Hawk on Mon Mar 12 12:42:59 2001 (#4527)

Remember what we said on the phone. if you kill your self i said i would die and if i kill myself (or passed out) you'd die. eather way i'm saying were fucked...

hel[p plseae
Posted by blackrose on Mon Mar 12 01:51:43 2001 (#4511)

iff ne 11 is ond tight now please immme or eemail mee if u caan....I needd someeon1 too talk tto adn kepe me upp! pppleaes! i donr feel oso god rihgt now! Chisrtien

Re: hel[p plseae
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 03:08:03 2001 (#4513)

I can help you. I'm here tonight. I have MSN messenger. COme talk to me!

Re: hel[p plseae
Posted by blackrose on Mon Mar 12 03:26:18 2001 (#4514)

iff ur heree whats urr ssns/?

Re: hel[p plseae
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 03:52:01 2001 (#4515)

I don't understand what you just asked.

A MESSAGE FROM COLIN (STRIDER)
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 12 04:12:48 2001 (#4516)

currently colins computer has craped out. hid fan went kaput, and with out the fan, his computer will be destroyed, so he cant really be posting for a while. there is no mechanic shop in the town he lives. so he has to wait to either order it or talking his flat mate into driving him into the city. he says hi, wishes his luck to you and if there is any message you need to get to him, post here to me and i will tell him, he'll be back soon, so be safe,

also about his cutting.
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 12 04:14:10 2001 (#4517)

when i talked to him he was feeling good. his arm is very sore and he wishes he didnt do it, but he is trying to get better. so hes all ok right now.

if any of you remember Lither, hes whats up w/ him
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 12 04:17:06 2001 (#4518)

currently lithers parents are pissed at him for cutting. they dont understand it and they punish him for cutting. if they see a new scar they take his computer away from him, they forbid him from coming to psyke or from posting and by doing this they only make it worse. its really sad and his parents punish him for his pain...

Re: if any of you remember Lither, hes whats up w/
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 04:51:25 2001 (#4519)

how exactly do you know all this? You and Colin a couple now?

Re: if any of you remember Lither, hes whats up w/
Posted by suzie on Mon Mar 12 21:27:13 2001 (#4536)

me and colin are friends. so friends talk right? he told me to tell the board all this stuff, so.. thats it

Re: if any of you remember Lither, hes whats up w/
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 21:28:34 2001 (#4538)

if you say so...hehe

Re: if any of you remember Lither, hes whats up w/
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:06:52 2001 (#4551)

haha. but no really, there is nothing! oh gosh... now look at me blush.. but honestly! its true. also, whats your msn chat thingy mine is phish_visor@hotmail.com so if you are on, instant message me, K! thanks byebye

hey
Posted by Cate on Mon Mar 12 05:16:07 2001 (#4520)

hi, I just kinda found this site, and thought maybe I'd post here sometime, so just wanted to say hi. Hope you all are safe *hug* Cate

Re: hey
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:08:18 2001 (#4552)

hey there and may i welcome you to psyke. its alot of fun here and everyone enjoys it. im here to talk if you ever want. email me at the addie above or im me at phishvisor thanks!

life sucks
Posted by Sharon on Mon Mar 12 05:41:40 2001 (#4521)

life sucks, in the last 48 hrs. my life has basically gone down the crap bucket. i found out that one of my friends is bulimic and another is in an abusive relationship, and oh yah, the third is a cutter too. my brother got suspended for mentioning bombs at school and i've cut about 6 times today. plus, other aspects of my life are going crazy too and it sucks! i hate how everyone i come in contact with seems to get their life screwed over, you think maybe i should warn 'em? i hate how i finally get up the nerve to tell someone about the cutting and they don't care. i hate how everyone turns to me with their problems and i can't turn to anyone. i hate how something i used to control now controls me, LIFE SUCKS!! I WANT OUT! -sharon

Re: life sucks
Posted by none on Mon Mar 12 22:24:04 2001 (#4541)

well um that really does suck. you can dump on me all you want. You should let your friends know that you have problems too and you deserve to be listened to. perhaps your friends see you as someone that can handle it all? i don't know because I'm not in the situation but feel free to load off on me. none

Re: life sucks
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:10:04 2001 (#4553)

oh dear it is ok. im sure it will be ok. i know life sucks so bad sometimes, trust me. but dont worry, someday it will get better, i promis you. all you have to do is be strong, just be do stong, ok! please. i hope everthing goes well with you

???????
Posted by Lyds on Mon Mar 12 06:10:51 2001 (#4522)

this weekend was the first time inmy life that i tried to stop. it didnt work very well but it gave me a lot to think about. i have control over my actions, so y cant i just not cut? in the moment it feels so necessary and so natural and then when i think about it at other times i cant figure out why i need it, or why i want to do it or why i just cant stop.

Re: ???????
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:12:59 2001 (#4555)

the fact that you tried to stop shows so much courage. i know how hard it can be sometimes, how scary it can be, but you are trying, and some day, you will stop!! good luck

p.s. i sajust "pop stars" hehe, lol

REMIND ME REMIND ME
Posted by Fran on Mon Mar 12 11:10:48 2001 (#4523)

So what do I think? I think he's a c**t, a complete f**king pr*ck. this is what it's like to feel an inch of nothing. this is what it's like to be reduced. now i'm so f**king angry. can't wait to get out of this house. can't wait never to see him again. can't wait never to see that bastard again. How dare you question me, you don't know a f**king thing. I get this rage inside.....it's more than anger. but I don't let it escape because if i did i'd be just like him and i'd rather be be dead than be like him. i'd rather put a bullet through my brains than be like him. you say i'm so much like him. F**k you F**k you. what the f**k do you know? people are so full of sh*t. I wish I could make them all eat their own s**t , then they'd be spitting it out...and I bet you'd apologise then. but THEN would be too late.

You already blew it

In your own self conceited ignorance you're f**king up my already f**ked up life. why don't you keep your f**cking mouths shut?.

I die inside me because I'm SCREAMING & SHOUTING & KICKING & HITTING &SMASHING your skull in but it's all INSIDE ME. This sh*t eats me up...because i can't get out of it.

I hate you, yeah you, you all wrapped up in your own insignificant little world. Yeah you who think you have some kind of right. Yeah you the one who's so consumed in your own self importance. You're as bad as him because you live in your own self regulated world. You might as well be HITTING me too. because you in your world make all your own rules too.

In your world you have some kind of universal right too, to do as you please. He always said I'd be nothing and he suceeded in reducing me into insignificance.

His own divine right and I've sat there and never been able to say a thing.

You f*cker you c*nt. there are no words for you. I hate you so much it goes far beyond hate. can't believe you made me feel guilt.

f**k you f**k you f**k you f**k you

bastard I never want to see your face again.

want to make you sick on your own f**king sh*t.

REMIND ME, REMIND ME NEVER to feel guilt again

Re: REMIND ME REMIND ME
Posted by Nicke on Mon Mar 12 12:01:46 2001 (#4526)

Fran e-mail me and we can talk if you like.

Nicke

Re: REMIND ME REMIND ME
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:14:56 2001 (#4556)

FRAN!! you're back, oh good. how have things been, no to good i hear. im sorry that the boy you were talking about caused you so much pain,. hes a dick. hopefully things weill get better, though keep posting those pomes though, well good luck

Re: REMIND ME REMIND ME
Posted by you know who honey.... on Tue Mar 13 19:45:22 2001 (#4588)

oh babes....jealous jealous envy...you're sooo fucking talented at writing.... don't let him get to you. add him to the SHIT LIST as L7 put it... he doesn't deserve you, don't let the fucker hurt you you're better than that... rebel grrrrl you are the queen of my world... mwah! stay specail xxxxxxx

A WARNING AND I MEAN IT
Posted by FRAN on Mon Mar 12 11:25:19 2001 (#4524)

What the F*ck has been happening with Nicke? I haven't been able to read all the posts as I've been away BUT I DON'T NEED TO. NIcke has always been there for EVERYONE, she's a f**king great person. Don't anyone dare turn this place into a BATTle ground, what makes you think you have the right. Kate and I have been here longer than most of you and we remember when this was a happy place to be be where one could share the'r feelings. What gave anyone the right to take tis away. Anyone stirring up S*it should leave ...GO DO IT SOME WHERE ELSE. Strider can you email me and tell me what happened with Nicke...I care about here alot and I can't trust oyu to post it on the board. thanks. BY the way ANYONE WHO SPEAKS BADLY OF NICKE HAS ME TO DEAL WITH AND I'M REALLY ANGRY.....SO GO THINK ABOUT IT... GO TRY IT BUT JUST YOU WATCH YOUR BACK . THIS IS NOT AN ARGUEMENT >THIS IS A WARNING

Re: A WARNING AND I MEAN IT
Posted by lost on Mon Mar 12 16:34:34 2001 (#4532)

calm down girl.... thats old school stuff everyones over it so don't bring it back

Re: A WARNING AND I MEAN IT
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:18:02 2001 (#4557)

striders comp is broken, so he cant really read that post, sorry about that, but what happend with nicke is really bad, it was some ignorant people exspressing their opions. most of us all stood up for nicke. but i am sorry to say that, one of your friends made the first blow in the "nicke war" Laura came back and called Nicke dramatic and this big wwIII happened. but it all ended because colin posted this big thing and it made laura apologiese and its all over. it started with a post by laura called da da dat grrll or something close to that. hope you find your answers!

sorry and peace and why I hate fighting.....
Posted by Fran on Wed Mar 14 12:49:41 2001 (#4641)

To lost and anyone, I'm sorry for getting angry. I didn't know what was going on..thankyou for telling me. I just got a bit upset because Nicke has always been there for me. I don't think anyone means what they said....I haven't read any of the posts so I'm nnot really in a position to comment. I now want to turn this place into a hippie community. peace, and love is all you need. I want everyone to be happy and free and I don't want to fight anymore ever because thats what it's like for me at home fighting and hitting, and shouting and screaming and I really hate it. please don't fight here

Also a BIGGGGGGGGG THANKYOU
Posted by Fran on Mon Mar 12 11:38:48 2001 (#4525)

Thankyou all the people who have helped me, you don't know how uch itr means to me that you are there. Thankyou strider for emailing me and caring about me and Kate thankyou so much for always being there..and I always want to be there for you. I have met some great great people on this board and I'm forever in their debt....I'm alive I survived I didn't end it and I didn't do that by myself. Love Fran

Re: Also a BIGGGGGGGGG THANKYOU
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 16:19:12 2001 (#4530)

Thankyou for appreciating me when I never feel it in every day life. YOu are the sweetest person in the world. I always want to be there for you too. Love Ya!

Re: Also a BIGGGGGGGGG THANKYOU
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:20:13 2001 (#4558)

though i didnt email you, because i didnt really know you, i am still happy that you are ok. i remember you posting for me, and i didnt know what type of trouble you were in till about last week, but i am so happy that you are through it and everythign is better. if you ever have to talk, at all, please email me. i know you emailed me a few times. but we never really talked. but im really happy thta you are better!

I think this might be good bye
Posted by Falling Hawk on Mon Mar 12 12:50:42 2001 (#4528)

I was thinking a lot about this. last night i ended up at the hospital because i took to many pills. i was going to shoot myself but i was just too weak. and i had someone on the phone i waas ttrying too help *caugh*christine*caugh* but i jjusst cant stand my life any more. i ccant keep living:'-( I need help NOW:"-(

Shadow

shadow....
Posted by blackrose on Mon Mar 12 13:54:02 2001 (#4529)

I wass soo stupoid ;ast nihgt....I shouild've calleld fro help! I'm soo sikc rihgt now! I dunno what to od...I kepe thriwun up! I thikn i 2gg now...I nede help! Christue

Re: shadow....
Posted by Shadow hawk on Mon Mar 12 21:04:50 2001 (#4535)

Chris, you saved my life last night. i no i would have fucked myself up with that gun if it wasnt for you. of it could have been the pills i took. You gotta get better>:-( i am going to KILL myself tongiht. i'm sick of all this pain.

Re: shadow....
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 12 21:27:17 2001 (#4537)

Why do you guys do this to yourselves? You can get through this, I know you can. Please don't end it. Its not the way out. You just end up leaving all your pain behind for everyone else. Its not a good way to go. We all have to learn how to deal with it all. Killing yourself is not the solution. Please don't do it.

Be strong, Alana

Re: I think this might be good bye
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 16:21:32 2001 (#4531)

Don't give up. Things will get better. SUicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. PLease stay safe. Write me or email me.

Re: I think this might be good bye
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:24:08 2001 (#4559)

oh sweetie, i honestly hope that you are okl, the hospital must have been scary. but it is so good that you couldnt kill yourself. there is no reason to waste someting so beatufil like your life, email me if you need to talk or im me at phishvisor

Garbage
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 18:19:15 2001 (#4533)

Who here likes Garbage? there my favorite band. Listening to their music really helps. "I think I'm paranoid" is a good song there are other really good songs. I can really relate to her all of her songs. You guys should listen to them some time.

Re: Garbage
Posted by LilFaerie on Mon Mar 12 20:39:13 2001 (#4534)

heya, yeh i like garbage too. did u know she used to cut herself? she used 2 carry a knife around in her boots.

Re: Garbage
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 21:35:05 2001 (#4539)

Really? That's kinda cool. I know that sounds bad but at least she not fake like Brittany Spears. sorry if anyone likes Brittany.

Re: Garbage
Posted by LilFaerie on Mon Mar 12 22:40:32 2001 (#4542)

yeh, and you can relate to her lyrics. britney has a nice voice but in her new video for examle she is using her body to get people to buy her music which is ok to a certian extent but she pushed it too far.

Re: Garbage
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 23:47:55 2001 (#4544)

I think her voice sucks but thats my opinion. Christina Agurilara has a good voice. I am so into music and singing.

Re: Garbage
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Mar 13 00:26:39 2001 (#4547)

i'm a Garbage fan, i'm listening to them now. i can really relate to the lyrics, they're much better than britney.

Re: Garbage
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 13 15:57:11 2001 (#4571)

i dont know if you are english or american or whatever, but if you like garbage and like the lyrics you should try Skunk Anansie. cos they are very cool. tho not to the best of my limited knowledge, into cutting! and of course Portishead, tho its a completely different style. thanks for letting me have my tupennys worth. xx

Re: Garbage
Posted by Kate on Tue Mar 13 22:45:41 2001 (#4608)

I'm American. I never heard of them. Thanks!

Blackrose
Posted by Jess on Mon Mar 12 21:36:03 2001 (#4540)

Dont do nottin stupid.Suicide is a permenant solution to a short term one remember? Go put sum loud music on and thrash around your room.Don't kill your self.Please do anything but that.(preferably summit that wont kill you later on in life)I love you dude.Dont end it.Think of what a good life you can have when these bad emotions go forever.Don't take the load on your own (that was my mistake) share what your feeling with us we can help.Please dont end it.You would be so greatly missed forever.You've been there for so many people when things got tough.Givin your advice.Eat your own words and stay living,stay safe,keep your life.You'll feel better for it later on in life.Why not live just another couple months (years,centurys,4eva)and see how you fel about life then.Please don't commit suicide.No1 wants to become a statistic.Your too special to become one. Go thrash.Get them emotions out

Stay safe

Love

Jess

Re: Blackrose
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 13 00:04:54 2001 (#4546)

Yeah Hon. I already told you if YOU kill yourself i'll kill myself. remember what we said on the phone... keep that in mind

Re: Blackrose
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:25:38 2001 (#4560)

i agreee

shit
Posted by WeaZLe on Mon Mar 12 23:25:02 2001 (#4543)

oh my god, i totally lost myself last night. my body completely tensed up, and i started going crazy, its like i can feel every single cell in me moving and screaming and yelling, i really went crazy...this has happened before but never this bad,...last night, i lost myself for a while, i truly couldnt control it and it was terrifying...i had to burn myself, it was horrible, it hurt so bad, i haed it, but as the pain SLOWLY went so did all the insanity, all the confusion i finally relaxed...i can feel myself getting like it tongith and im so scared its gonna happen again and worse...and imagine in school time? i dont know what to do...Its like,. i finally TRY and help myself since i cant expect others to if i wont, i start putting effort in my work, i start really trying, and this happens, i just get WORSE!!! argh! i hate it!, i hate the way i feel and i hate allmost everyone around me!

sorry...had to let it out.

PS Colin, i just read your message hun and im so sorry for ya, but really really good on you for doing so well, for going so long...i cant manage that long. im proud of you for managin that.

xxxxxx

Falling Hawk
Posted by Kate on Mon Mar 12 23:52:29 2001 (#4545)

Are you okay? YOu emailed me but the message didn't come up. I am worried. Please write back.

Re: Falling Hawk
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 13 13:05:20 2001 (#4567)

i said i need help:'-(

My computer lives!.....but I feel dead....
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 13 02:05:05 2001 (#4548)

So I fixed my comp! I ripped off the casing and I have a 2 foot square fan cooling it, so I'm back. Things aren't good for me though. I did alot of cuts today, all deep and lots of blood. I'm not very happy with myself. I was so lonely, beause there's no people around me that care. The friend I live with saw all of my new cuts and did'nt sayb a word! Thanks alot, "friend"! It's scary, because all of you are my only friends now. Thank you all very much! If Jesus hadn't have led me here to you guys (well, gals) I would be dead right now. My arms are EXTREMELY sore (quantity and depth of cuts), and I'm very lonely and will be bored until my job starts (if I get it) at the start of April, but with all of you here, I'll be OK. I read all of your posts, and instead of posting responses, here's my thoughts on the ones I thought I could offer some help with! (in no paticular order).

Falling Hawk - I'm VERY glad you found this place, as it seems like you really need a friend or two. Well, I need the same thing, so this will work out fine. Juat make sure you're alive to be that friend, OK?

demon lover 666 - you're singing my song with those feelings. Actualy, I've noticed that most people who SI have similar feelings. Just my opinion though. Welcome to the board.

Julia - oh Julia, I've been so freaked out about you! I'm very happy that you are still here, and we all would miss you! Don't ever forget that, please!

Blackrose - please be alive, PLEASE!! We would all miss you so much, and like another person said, killing youself is a permanent thing! It's not even really and end to everything either. I hope you're alright.

Cate - another new person! Hello! You've found quite a place here, glad to meet you.

Sharon - you've mailed me so many times to help me, and now it's my turn to repay the favor!

Lyds - stopping is quite hard. I know that for a fact. The first time is always the hardest, but it gets easier. Cutting after you try to stop is such a horrible feeling, but you can do it! I know you can!

Fran - you're back!!! I've missed you so much!! I was worried sick! Your opinion of thatt whole argument fiaco was pretty much my feelings as well. SO glad to hear from you!

Kate - Garbage is a pretty good band, and I read an interview with the lead singer, and she said that she's SIed for years! How's about that!

Weazle - thanks very much to you too! I really hope you can feeel better! I'll IM you sometime, OK?

love and prayers to ALL of you, Colin

Re: My computer lives!.....but I feel dead....
Posted by Tara on Tue Mar 13 03:10:46 2001 (#4554)

Colin,

its me,Tara.sorry it has been so long.please don't be upset with your self.you can not help it.we all need to cut to a certain point.i cut again 2 times and they were both deep to.i also burned myself.just picture what my skin looks like with a burn.it looks nappy.thats ok.i am doing a lot better.you will be doing a lot better to.you just have to believe that you will be a lot better and you will be.right now it is hard,i know,it is hard for me right now to.just read my post.please e-mail me Colin to talk about what you are goig though right now.i am here for you as a friend and as a sister to.remember,we are all related in some way or another.well i am going to go for now.please e-mail me as soon as possible.

Your Friend and Sister,

Tara Butterbaugh

Re: My computer lives!.....but I feel dead....
Posted by suzie on Tue Mar 13 03:30:08 2001 (#4561)

hey there, good thing you got that fan, good thinking. did you cut again, from befor or is this from sat? well i really hope that you are ok, and i cant stay, though i wish i could b/c my dad is yelling at me to get off the internet, but i hope everythign is ok, email me huh.

p.s. becareful with the comp. im sure you would rather have spent 3 dollars on the fan it needs than a couple 100 (thousand depending on the comp) on a new computer, haha well bybye

Re: My computer lives!.....but I feel dead....
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 13 17:44:21 2001 (#4576)

im really glad your back. it wont be the same with out you, but im sure we will all support each other as well as you do. Love and Hope Amanda

I dunno
Posted by ShadowOfLife on Tue Mar 13 02:15:14 2001 (#4549)

I dunno. I'm just so confused about everything right now. each day i hate myself more and more...and i dunno why really. i can hardly stand to be around me. its like my mind doesn't belong to my body and it hates it. i figure that probably someday i'm not gunna be so depressed. and thats another thing. what causes depression? does anyone know? cuase i REALLY wanna know. true, my life stinks. i could name a zillion things wrong w/ it..but i know so many ppl w/ so many more problems(worse problems)than mine and they're not like this. they handle their problems(or atleast as far as i know they do). they don't cut themselves, they don't seclude themselves from other ppl, they don't despise themselves and their lives, they seem happy. its impossible for me. shit. like 2 seconds ago, tom came in the room and was givin me hell about somethin then started talkin bout my papa (which is a subject i can hardly bear). its little things like that, little things that are really trivial..little things that never used to bother me that now can send me over the edge (crying, cutting, screaming, whatever). i'll be in an ok mood one second, then in the next, something'll be said that triggers something inside me, my ok mood is lost, and that feeling of emptiness(depression)is overflowing within me. i don't know what is wrong with me!!!!

Re: I dunno
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 13 04:42:34 2001 (#4562)

Well Shadow, it sounds like quite the rollercoaster of emotions. Sounds alot like my own life. My mother jst recently told me that I was bipolar, which would explain my mood swings. It might also be the same for you. Mabey you've got mainic-depression or bipolar disoder? Don't quote me on this, as I'm not a professional or anything, but it could be.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I dunno
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:15:51 2001 (#4612)

oh sweetie. it must be so confusing to feel that, be so confused like that. we always feel that other people handle their problems better. but they dont feel like it. they alwasy feel worse and bad about themselfs, so dont worry. everyone feels bad about them selfs, everyone

melting my flesh away
Posted by Tara on Tue Mar 13 02:55:23 2001 (#4550)

hey guys, sorry it has been so long since i have wrote.i have been having a really hard time.i have cut 2 more times and burned once.i don't know what to do any more.i try to get help and it helps for a little while then it just stops.i come closer and closer each and every day to just say the hell with my fucking worthless life that i live.strider please write me,i need you now more than i ever have before.anyone please.i am burning again as i speak to you all.i have this chill going though my body.i gotta go........

Tara

Re: melting my flesh away
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 13 04:47:24 2001 (#4563)

Well, you were there for me and I will be there for you. You know, we've all really been there for eachother. Al of us. I'm SO glad I've met aeveryone here. Tara, I will write you.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: melting my flesh away
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:18:07 2001 (#4613)

i am so happy that you are back, but so sad that you are doing not so well, im sorry. but someday it will get better, it must be so hard, though, so hard. but STICK with it girl, you'll come through, i know you will!

Re: melting my flesh away
Posted by chickie on Tue Mar 20 21:29:44 2001 (#4925)

i know this is a bit late but chickie u have friends talk to them u know and god didn't put us on this earth to feel pain or inflict it on ourselves. if u look to the lord he will help u out of ur cuandry....... laterz alexiea

Re: melting my flesh away
Posted by Laura on Thu Mar 22 22:39:47 2001 (#5021)

Dear Tara,

Your life is not worthless, you have to learn that. My name is Laura and i am seventeen years old. I started cutting about two years ago when i was fifteen. 3 months ago i stopped, hopefully for good this time. I had to learn to love myself and understand that my life IS important and that no matter what anyone else thinks or does won't change who i am. If you can't find love with anyone else find it within yourself.You are strong and powerful and you CAN and WILL get better I have so much Faith in you. Good Luck with the battle it will be a tough one. But you will strive and you will overcome. Love yourself and who you are. there is no one else like you. Have faith. write me if you need to Love Laura

I'm not sure why I'm writing this
Posted by Teresa on Tue Mar 13 04:51:35 2001 (#4564)

Hello everyone. I posted here onece, not too long ago. Then, I was writing because the need to cut had returned and I didn't know what to do. I have, since, been reading various posts that have caught my attention, but have not posted myself, because I didn't really have much to say. Until now. Strider (Collin): By reading some of your posts and responses, I have gained so much respect for you and your spirit. I'm sorry that things aren't going well, but I believe that you will be able to rise above. (I realize that I don't know you, so it is easy for me to say this, but still...) God bless and keep you. As for me, I am still struggling with this increasingly insistant need to cut. I find myself thinking about it at least 20 times a day. But I have (somehow) refrained, so I'll have to hold on to that, at least for now. I just hope it's enough to keep me going for a while. Anyway, as I've said, I don't know exactly why I'm writing this, or what I'm trying to say, but if you've read this far, thank you for posting on this board. Your encouragement for each other is helpful...even to a stranger.

Re: I'm not sure why I'm writing this
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 13 05:19:12 2001 (#4565)

I remember you Teresa. Thank you very much foe the kind words. I really needed to hear them. I have been feeling very bad lately and cutting more. I've found that boredom is my destroyer which comes on silent wings and strikes before I can tell it's there. Keep holding on to the fact that you haven't cut, because going back to it is a horrible feeling. You can do it Teresa. And though we are by strangers in a way, I feel close too everyone here on the board, and that includes you. Hold on Teresa, always.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I'm not sure why I'm writing this
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:20:05 2001 (#4614)

i really hope that everything works out for you. i really do. times may be though but it will get better. its great that colin is here at this site, to talk to and to help everyone

Please don't read this if you get freaked out easy
Posted by Strider on Tue Mar 13 11:05:25 2001 (#4566)

I just had to tell anyone that would listen, and I mean it, IF YOU GET FREAKED OUT EASY, DO NOT READ THIS. It's really screwed up, so please heed my warning.

Things were going fine tonight. I had an awesome talk with a very good friend, I was happy, and then... well, let me describe what happened.

It's about 3 am and I really need to have a bath to soak my arms because they are killing me from all the cuts. So I start filling the tub and sit in it (still happy at this point), when I hear a banging on the bathroom door. It's the father of the family I'm staying with, and I guess the water pipes run right over his bedroom, because me running the water woke him up and really pissed him off (which he made very clear to me). The thing is, this family didn't want me staying here in the first place (I only found this out about seven months after I had moved here), so they hate having me here, so now I'm sure that they have a real hatred for me now. I know that they think I'm lazy (done school and don't have a job until April at the earliest), so I'm always here. I hate this. But just wait, it gets worse...

So now I'm sitting n this bath tub wishing I was dead wanting to cry, but I can't seen to change my expression. Just stone faced as always. So I had to cry red. I cut again. Bad. Not alot, but all needing stiches (which I don't get and never will). The thing that scared me is that I cut in the bath. There was so much blood that the water turned so dark I could barely see the bottom of the tub. But I sat there, washing myself. Dying on the inside but expressionless, I washed myself in my own blood. Am I insane? I wish I wasn't so crazy. You wouldn't guess it to look at me, with my expressionless stare, but mabey I am insane? I hope not. I pray not. The bath is still full of blood right now. If I drain it, it'll wake him up again and he'll be even more pissed, so I have to stay up all night and have a shower before he does and drain the tub while I do it. I smell like blood. my skin feels like blood. I feel so crazy, but I can't even change my facial expression. Please don't hate me and be afraid of me everyone. I can't believe I wrote this all. I'm sorry if I scared you all away. I'm sorry.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 13 13:16:02 2001 (#4568)

Don't worry about it Hon. your NOT crazy. i've done that b4. in the tub, i just kept cutting. and i need stiches to.i hate my parents and hey hate me. 2 nights ago i was druged up on pills and had a gun 2 my head and my mom walked in the room and just said you have to get of the phone soon. parents dont understand how we feel all our anger,or sadness. e-mail me or im me if you need anything Honey

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by stella on Tue Mar 13 16:52:55 2001 (#4573)

i once cut myself during history and the blood went all over the floor i just said scissors stuck into me when i reached into my bag and they believed me.

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by Ang on Tue Mar 13 17:42:53 2001 (#4575)

hay baby boy u never scare me i love you pls try not to this...U rember OUR deal don't u?...i'm trying hard but this is not somthim that can ust pass. i love you ang

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 13 17:59:44 2001 (#4577)

dont you ever ever be sorry for somthing that you cannot control. we dont need you to apolagize, all we need is for you to stay alive. no matter what you did none of us would think any less of you, EVER. i feel so sorry you as i hate to see you hurting, i just wish i could take all your pain away and throw it back in the face of SI. i REALLY wish i could. i wish i could help you but im not too sure if i can. whatever you do you are not insane, and i would not not be scared of you if i tried. the only thing i feel for you is admiration and respect. you have been able to beat SI befor and you CAN do it again, ( and even though im not religouse)Jesus led you here and so he will lead you away from cutting. i hope you realise this. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by door mouse on Tue Mar 13 20:43:32 2001 (#4600)

Sanity is all in the majority. Look around you. We all understand and feel somewhat similar. If you're crazy then we are too. But we aren't.

stay safe

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by Teresa on Tue Mar 13 21:52:20 2001 (#4602)

You have no reason to apologize. Feelings are facts. You also do not have to be worried about freaking people out because we have all been there in one form or another. I'm so sorry that you are not doing well. You do not deserve the amount of pain that you are in. My prayers are with you.

Teresa

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Wed Mar 14 00:31:18 2001 (#4615)

oh colin, i am so sorry, i know how scary it must be. i havent talked to you in a bit. but im happy that you had a great convo with your good friend. im sorry about the situation that you are in. i didnt know it was that bad. im really sorry. you didnt freak me out or scare me. trust me you didnt. i really hope that everythign gets better with you. i mean i was reallly scared the day you cut again, and i was so happy that you were better. dont worry about that family, you're leaving in april right. But also remember, the shit can only last for so long, i mean you're going to rmc in july and i know how much you look forward to that, you sound like that is probably the only thing that you love. i am going to say this to you, because many times you have said this to me, about myself and about you.

you told me the reason you were so strong, for so long is because your faith in God and how close you were to him and Jesus. if it is getting so bad that you feel that you need to cut yourself again, like you once did. could you be straying from him again. i mean the conversations i have had with you about God have been so powerful. and you love him so much. pray to him again. get close to once again.

this is the day time now, so i figure this happened last night and i am so sorry. also if you ever need to talk , call me and ill call you back just so he dosent get pissed about the bill, being he was such a freaking a hole about water.

like i said befor. i am really sorry and i wish so much for you. i really hope that you will get better. ....

me

I fake it so real I am beyond fake
Posted by Fran on Wed Mar 14 16:31:14 2001 (#4642)

God strider you're not the only one that's crazy...not by far....and the times I've felt insane. I know what it's like to feel soooooooooooooooooooooo low there are no words. I've written posts about cutting in other peoples bathrooms with their razors, and the blood all over the floor, smashing my head against the radiator. completely fucked up. Those people are making you worse, is there no way out for you? if there is you should take it, I know only to well that life is never that simple. I wish I could get out , I wish I could have got out to have escaped al those years of feeling, frightened , alone . I will never be afraid of you , you have the BIGGEST HEART, and you deserve none of this. trouble is it doesn't stop it from happening. Perhaps I should say it more but I don't. I sit in the bath alot and cut, take the razors aapart, see how many places I can cut. Often I don't wash the cut I just let the blood flow out, ....just to see how much I can make myself bleed. In the past I've taken off big chunks of skin, churned them up, all skin mangled up in the crazy.You should see my arms, and worse my thigh it's digusting loads of scars because I've never treated them properly. Strider thats why I'm here , I don't know about anyone else but I'm here because I do these fucked up things to myself and I'm not normal and this is the only place I can really talk about it. I'm probably on the otherside of sane and I get worse because I'm always having to pretend, faking it.

I'm sick of faking it . All those painful childhood memories, and I don't see much of a future, I have alot of hate but I hate myself the most, and I have lots of bad memories in my head. I want to cry every day and I want to rip my hair out and cut myself all over , cut myself open. I'm sick of fraking that my homelife is happy when it's fucking awful. Strider you say what you fucking well like. I wish I could rescue you but I can't all I can say is go ahead and be fucked up. There sometimes isn't any other way to survive.

I have so much more to say, but my words are losing .losing me forever. 'forever in debt to your priceless advice'-K.Cobain

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by alligatorbumps on Fri Mar 16 11:37:45 2001 (#4695)

of course it's late to respond, but oh well...the subject line intrigued me b/c nothing shocks me anymore...I used to be more into the blood of it, now I'm more into the pain, so the cuts don't have to be so bloody, just burn for a few days... I've been in quite a suicidal frame of mind for about a month now and the thought of your situation, even though I'm not into the blood of it anymore, seemed beautiful...if I died that way, I'd think, finally someone that's in my life understands me...but no one does understand me in real life...I don't want to get myself in trouble nor get anyone else down...for myself, it sounds a perfect picture, but if I wouldn't want to die that way...no one would understand and I wouldn't want to disturb people like that...that's why would have to go by poison or pills (all I've thought of)... don't want to live, but just am still...don't worry about me...I'll be okay hope you take care though...please do alligatorbumps

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by sarah on Tue Mar 20 18:45:44 2001 (#4919)

it doesn't freak me out; if you heard my story you'd freak or so i think. i tried swallowing plastic and socks. in addition to drinking cleaners

Re: Please don't read this if you get freaked out
Posted by Laura on Thu Mar 22 22:32:10 2001 (#5018)

Dear Strider,

My name is Laura and i am 17 years old and i began cutting at the age of 15. i was so happy looking all the time, no one ever suspected that i would be a cutter. i know that sometimes life seems so difficult to go through. But you MUST get stronger, not for anyone else but for yourself. You can get better if you really want too I have faith in you. I stopped cutting just about 4 months ago and its hard but i found something to look to when i need it. i found something to be really happy for. i found a way to LOVE myself. and you can to. My prayers are with you. and keep posting if you need to talk or you can ALWAYS e-mail me!!! Best of Luck! Keep the faith!!

- Love, Laura

Seeya...not goodbye
Posted by heavenleigh on Tue Mar 13 14:55:51 2001 (#4569)

I'm going to say goodbye to the board for a while. I find I just read a couple of posts between lectures and don't have time to respond properly. I still car about you all and I'll probably catch up with you while I'm home at easter. Anyone e-mail (nadz63@hotmail.com) me if you need to or if you just want to chat Seeya Sarah

Re: Seeya...not goodbye
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:33:16 2001 (#4616)

good luck with where ever you are going. and good luck with where ever life may turn for you. we will truly miss you, your posts and you kind words. and everything that you have said to other people. good luck!

Christine?
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 13 15:53:10 2001 (#4570)

Christine, I've been gone for the weekend like I told you. But I've read your posts. If you're reading this PLEASE PLEASE post. I'm so worried about you! Please be strong, Chris. I know you can do it. Please. Be well and God speed.

Hugs, Doris

Re: Christine?
Posted by Falling Hawk on Tue Mar 13 21:14:20 2001 (#4601)

Where the Hell are you girl. remember our deal if i dont hear from you in the next 2 days. it's over. i'll assume your dead and i'll do what i said i'd do

Re: Christine?
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:34:31 2001 (#4617)

where ever you are and what ever you are doing, i hope that you are safe and happy

God bless

non-harmers?
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 13 16:34:51 2001 (#4572)

Why do we berate people who dont self harm so much when we are all trying so hard to be like them, ie not hurting ourselves? When youve finally stopped, will you be the same as them towards self harmers? Any answers at all welcome. xx

Re: non-harmers?
Posted by Nicke on Tue Mar 13 18:32:44 2001 (#4581)

I believe that we will be more compassionate towards those who self harm when we eventually become "like them". I believe that we don't actually "berate" those who don't self harm as you put it. It is more a case of they don't understand what or why we self harm because they haven't been there.

Just my opinion, Nicke. XXXX

Re: non-harmers?
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:40:12 2001 (#4618)

we hate them because we want to be them, not true hate, but envy. we try so hard to be happy like them, not to cut like they do. its so hard, and we are so mad that people are strong enough not to do that, or to have the strengh to have never been tempted to it.

no i feel that when i finally stop, i think, well no, i KNOW that if i ever find anyone that cuts, i will try so hard to help. i will be there and talk to him/her. b/c i know how it feels. i know just how it feels. i know that i will never act the way some people do. i will understand, that will be the big difference between me and "others" i will know, i will understand and hopefully i will be able to help

Question on the time......
Posted by CCR on Tue Mar 13 17:21:35 2001 (#4574)

Hi have been mostly a lurker here, reading all the posts and trying to educate myself. I have a question, what is the time for postings? Eastern standard, Central, Pacific, European ????? I am getting really confused. Any help appreciated. I am posting this at 11:30 in the morning, on the east coast of the USA

Re: Question on the time......
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 13 18:03:56 2001 (#4578)

im not too sure but i know that it is 1 hour ahead of UK time Love and Hope Amanda

Re: Question on the time......
Posted by Nicke on Tue Mar 13 18:28:21 2001 (#4580)

I also live in the U.K. and find that the time is 1 hour ahead here as well.

Re: Question on the time......
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 13 19:02:07 2001 (#4583)

Its central European time. i think the guy who runs the site is from Scandinavia somewhere. hope it helps xx

Re: Question on the time......
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:41:17 2001 (#4619)

i dont know what time it is set in , but its military time. so thats all i know

Strider please read!
Posted by Nicke on Tue Mar 13 18:25:56 2001 (#4579)

Strider, don't ever think that you have scared people away. It is because of you amongst others, (you know who you are) that I have stayed at this board. You have always been there for everyone on this board. You post to everyone with your words of love and compassion. Since I started coming to this board I have noticed that you are this board's rock. You hold people up when they are falling down and you genuinely care about every single person that has ever posted here.

Guess what! Even the rock needs someone to lean on sometimes. Let us be there for you. Let us return the favour. Post us and let us know how you are feeling because it is about time that you let us bloody help you. LOL!!

Seriously, let us know how you are feeling and let us help you get over this minor set-back because that is all it is. You can and will get over this, and we are here if you need us. Just remember that.

Stay strong, Love Nicke. XXXX

Re: Strider please read!
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:42:06 2001 (#4620)

ditto

Advice pls
Posted by Nicke on Tue Mar 13 18:44:09 2001 (#4582)

I have been talking to this gut on the internet for a while now. The thing is he has told all about himself in that he has two children and is no longer with their mum. He is having a difficult time of late and I feel sorry for him in a way.

I think that if I meet up with him then something will happen because whenever I put my trust in anyone then I always wind up getting hurt.

Should I risk getting hurt and meet this guy or should I listen to everyone around me stop talking to him on the internet? How can you tell a dodgy guy from sitting at the other end of a computer?

Sorry that this has nothing to do with SI!

Nicke. XXXX

Re: Advice pls
Posted by WeaZLe on Tue Mar 13 19:24:03 2001 (#4584)

nobody says you HAVE to meet him, if i were you id just talk to him more, and let him know ur there for him when he needs u or whatevers, but i wouldnt meet him. you really cant be sure, although i know its easy to trust ppl online sometimes, and he probably is truthful but i wouldnt take that risk if i were u. luv lots 2 y'all, WeaZLe

xxxxx

Re: Advice pls
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:44:11 2001 (#4621)

you're 16 or something,. and he has too kids? well dont get mad but this is just my opion. i sujust that you dont, because for every nice person that you meet, there are bad people out there, and though you might have been lucky to meet the nice people so far, you can always meet the bad people, so i sujust you dont

Surrounded by aliving hell
Posted by JULIA on Tue Mar 13 19:25:07 2001 (#4585)

Pleasesomeone helpme.Iwant out of here.Ican'tdo this.I'm falling apart,Ican't even type properlytoday.Ihave neverwanted to die as much as Ido now.

Re: Surrounded by aliving hell
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:45:02 2001 (#4622)

im afraid that you;re not here right now., but i am here. email me, k?

Re: Surrounded by aliving hell
Posted by sharon on Wed Mar 14 23:07:50 2001 (#4651)

hey girl, i know it's so hard at times, but hang in there ok? we are all here for you and you can e-mail me or im me anytime (my screen name is duffering1233) stay strong, i'm praying for you.

hugs,

sharon

F**k It
Posted by Jess on Tue Mar 13 19:33:58 2001 (#4586)

Fuck this.I hate life.Fuck everything cos it ain't gonna do no good.Bye

Re: F**k It
Posted by Julia on Tue Mar 13 19:44:20 2001 (#4587)

I agree, FUCK IT ALL! You're right, life does suck real bad.I het it.I want to die.How about you?

Re: F**k It
Posted by Jess on Tue Mar 13 19:56:47 2001 (#4590)

watdya think.life is truely fucking shit with an extra turd on top.Bye

Re: F**k It
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:46:42 2001 (#4623)

oh sweetie, i am sorry, i know the world may feel like its against you, but it really isnt girl, i know how scared you must be, but please, stay here, with us. please. just talk with us., we are here. please

HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by JULIA on Tue Mar 13 19:50:37 2001 (#4589)

Doesn't anyone realized that I'm here right now?Is anyone out there? I need to die you know, right now.Ican't take much more of this emotional pain. If Ihad a knife right now I'd slice my wrists.HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 13 20:03:03 2001 (#4591)

Julia, dont die, its not a good way to deal with this. why end it when, if you stay strong you can over come the hurt and pain. PLEASE LIVE. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jess on Tue Mar 13 20:03:27 2001 (#4592)

Don't do it!!!!!! Your stronger than me.(i'm planning on living a bit longer(2/3Hours)at most)Look i don't know you very well,but from what i've read your a needed part of this board.If you have nothing else to live for theres this board.You don't want to leave Colin,Nicke,Black e.t.c They like you,theyre here to help.Don't do nothin stupid.I think your stronger than this.Throw the knife away it ain't worth it.

Love Jess

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 13 20:07:36 2001 (#4596)

Jess, you should take some of your own advice! You are strong. I don't even know you and I know that. Please don't do anything. I don't know you but I care about you and I would be extremely devasted if you did anything. Just like you said, Jess - it isn't worth it. Please be strong. Keep on posting. I know you can get through this. God speed.

Doris

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Julia on Tue Mar 13 20:14:02 2001 (#4598)

Iknow I'm needed here, life is just so hard you know. Someday, I'lll help millions of porplr like us

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 13 20:19:34 2001 (#4599)

Yes, Julia, life is hard. It sucks and it's hard. But it's life. And what we live for are the precious, unforgettable moments. I know you've had some of those and I know you don't want them to end.

Yes, Julia, you will help people like you. I was a suicidal, self injurous wreck three months ago. Now, here I am... months later, I haven't cut in...85 days. And I post on this board to help people like me (like the old me). You will be SUCH a better person when you get through this, Julia. I know it. Because it happened to me too... I'm still here and I'm a whole new person. And I'm grateful for my experiences that made me who I am.

Be strong, Julia. We love you.

Doris

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 13 20:04:09 2001 (#4594)

Julia, don't do anything! Be strong. I know life sucks and it seems so easy to end it, but it's not the right thing to do. You can not abandon your life. You can not abandon everyone on this board who cares about you. We are all here for you. Julia, I'm worried sick about you and I don't know what I'd do if you ever did anything to yourself. Please be strong... "this too shall pass." God speed and keep on posting!

Doris

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:47:46 2001 (#4624)

i am here

CRYING ON MY FLOOR
Posted by Julia on Tue Mar 13 20:03:56 2001 (#4593)

I'm not really crying on my floor, yet. Ineed to cry though, real bad.No one understandswhats'happening tome Ican't take it anymore. I really wanna die. Please, all I wish is that someone could help me. I can't even think straight today, Ican't do anything.

Re: CRYING ON MY FLOOR
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:51:02 2001 (#4625)

i can always help i will ALWAYS BE HERE. if you need to talk just emaiul me , ill check it and tlak to you, just remember that i will always be here, for you, and for anyone at this board, dont worry, i am alwasy jere

what is the fucking point????does anyone know?????
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Tue Mar 13 20:07:02 2001 (#4595)

why the fuck am i here??? i swear someone is up there just laughing at me, i must be here so someone can have a cheap laugh. I HATE THIS SOOO MUCH. WHY THE HELL AM I STILL HERE?????????????????????????? ????????? SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: what is the fucking point????does anyone know?
Posted by Doris on Tue Mar 13 20:10:37 2001 (#4597)

You're still here because you KNOW deep inside that suicide is NOT the answer. You are here because you are stronger than that suicide bullshit. You are here because you know there is something wrong with you and you want to see if you can get better. You are here because you know that there are people, both on this board and I'm sure in your life, that care about you. You are here because we wouldn't be able to handle it if you weren't. You're here because suicide is not the only way out.

Lost and Lonly, I want you to stay. Please stay. Lots of love. God speed.

Doris

Re: what is the fucking point????does anyone know?
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:53:15 2001 (#4626)

you;re here to help people. you wouldnt be put through all this pain for nuttin. someday you will be able to help some one, like you do now, but only in person. you have saved lives already here, and you will save lifes later on to. that is why you are here, thats why

Re: what is the fucking point????does anyone know?
Posted by Sharon on Wed Mar 14 23:16:48 2001 (#4652)

You're here because we need you. You're here because your smile can brighten up someone's day. You're here because you have a purpose for being, maybe not one that you can see, but there are probably thousands of ppl out there that you've helped in some way that are grateful to you. I know I am.

hugs,

Sharon

ps. This goes for all of y'all here!!!

Alternative
Posted by Jess on Tue Mar 13 22:18:28 2001 (#4603)

I've cut instead of killing.Though i still feel like shit.I've got rid of some negative shit.I wanna die soooo bad it's getting painful to live.I feel so bad i dont think i'll last the night.I don't wanna last the night to be honest.Can't an unlucky fate get me then i won't have to do it myself.I don't care anymore.I just wnna die

Re: Alternative
Posted by suzie on Wed Mar 14 00:55:10 2001 (#4627)

itsw great that you didnt cut yourself. next time you want to feel like you want to die, put on some music, go to a cool website, just talk, ok, talk with us. we will always be here. so dont worry, ok, dont worry

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