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Threads 1151 to 1200

LOST AND WANDERING
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 04:21:24 2001 (#4246)

I'm feeling really lost and alone. I don't know what to do. My friends have all left me because they say I am too much of a problem. They think I'm very stupid for cutting. I think the problem must be that they don't undersand me. I'm having a lot of trouble with friends lately. I keep losing them left and right, it sucks. I've been sexually abused and my friends hate me for it. RReally what I want is someone to talk to.

Re: LOST AND WANDERING
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 7 04:24:16 2001 (#4247)

Julia, I'm here if you want to talk. Email me anytime. God speed.

Doris

Re: LOST AND WANDERING
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 04:46:20 2001 (#4252)

Julia ne time u need someone to talk to I'm here! I know what ur going through and ur not stupid or alone! e-mail or IM me if u have a chance! Christine

Re: LOST AND WANDERING
Posted by Suzie on Wed Mar 7 05:23:33 2001 (#4258)

hey. you're right. you're friends dont understand. they're probably scared. this has never happended to them. sure you can be mad at them for being a jack of a friend. but also remember that they dont know how to act, what to do. that same thing has happened to me, so i know how it is.

im sorry about your abuse. and you're friends have no reason to hate you for it. im sorry.

good luck

suzie

I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 04:41:44 2001 (#4250)

Lately, I've been having a tremendous sense of unreality, nothing matters. I seem to spend much of my time wandering these city streets doing nothing really. I feel rather pathetic. I often wonder if there are others like me. Other teens who have been sexually abused, betrayed by friends, constantly screamed at by their parents. I can't be the only one, right? It was raining the other day and I went out for a walk with no jacket on. I returned home soaking wet but I guess that doesn't matter. Right now I'm thinking about how I'm going to make it through the night let alone the rest of the week. Things are very tough, I can't even sleep half of the time.

Re: I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 04:48:12 2001 (#4253)

Julia if ur on right now and reading this please IM me if u can! my sn is twistedpsycho13 (dont let the neam throw u off) Christine

Re: I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 7 05:13:18 2001 (#4254)

Julia, you are NOT pathetic. I can't think of ONE person who has not been betrayed by friends - it's part of growing up. I know several people who have been sexually abused. Trust me, you're not alone and you're not pathetic. Please make it through the night. Please find the strength to start each day fresh and with hope for the future. Please feel better, Julia. We're all here for you. Remember that. God speed.

Doris

Re: I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 05:23:06 2001 (#4257)

Thanks Doris and Christine! I guess I feel quite welcomed here. I'm glad that you're around. I will definitely do my best to make it through tonight. I've been told by a therapist once that I'm a survivor, I know she's right. It's just so hard to get through all of this crap. I admit, I'm a new cutter and I don't even know exactly how it started. First I thought about suicide, a lot, and then I just started cutting. Anyway, talk to you soon.

Hugs for everyone,

Julia

Re: I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by Suzie on Wed Mar 7 05:25:19 2001 (#4259)

i am soo sorry. i dont know how you feel. because i have never been in that positon. so i dont know fully what to say. but if you ever need to talk, email me or im me at phishvisor

good night

Re: I feel pathetic!!:(
Posted by Strider on Wed Mar 7 05:58:30 2001 (#4263)

Hi Julia. I'm glad that you feel welcomed here, because you are. I'm only going to be around for a short while longer (three months at the most), but while I'm here you've got another friend to add to the list of ones that won't hate, judge, or forsake you. About your sense of nothingness, I've been there. Once I walked around town in winter wearing nothing but a pair of baggy track pants, and I didn't even feel it, so yes, you're not alone. I wasn't sexually abused though, but the rest of your story clicks with me. Speaking of which, tell us about yourself. If you want to know about us, look through the archives of this board and find a post called "info" by New Kid, and it's got our profiles. I hope that we can help you, Julia. And e-mail me. Also my AOL Instant Messenger name is UndeadLine. I'm on the MSN one as well.

love and prayers, Colin

I'm also new here, and I need your help please!!!
Posted by Hayley on Wed Mar 7 07:53:11 2001 (#4264)

Hello, I started coming to this place about a week ago. I've been cutting for about 2 years now, but right now it's really bad. My mom and dad are on my case all the time to be the best and I'm tired of it. Maybe I should take this to the suicide board, because that's how I feel right now. Someone, please talk me out of this. I just want to die right now. HELP ME!!!!!!!

Hayley M.

Re: I'm also new here, and I need your help please
Posted by Strider on Wed Mar 7 08:20:15 2001 (#4266)

Hi Hayley, Strider here, I hope I can help. I will talk you out of this. So here goes... Ok, DON'T do it! There are people that care about you! I mean, look at me, I haven't even met you and I'm prepared to stay up all night if ned be to help you. Do you have any Instant Messenger services? If you do, please contact me. On AOL IM my name is UndeadLine, and I can be found on the MSN one as well. If you are reading this, please respond, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I'm also new here, and I need your help please
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 17:50:00 2001 (#4269)

Hayley, please dont do ne thing "stupid" we're all here for you and will help u out...please keep posting! dont leave us! Christine

Re: I'm also new here, and I need your help please
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 7 18:31:16 2001 (#4271)

Hayley, please don't do anything horrible. You will be missed if anything happens - please know that. Hayley, please have hope... when I started believing in the possibilities of my future I didnt want to die anymore. I know you want to die, but that feeling WILL pass. You just have to let it... don't do anything permanent or you'll never have that chance to get better. And everyone can. I know it. Please be well, Hayley. This too shall pass. God speed.

Doris

Re: I'm also new here, and I need your help please
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 01:56:55 2001 (#4310)

aww sweetie, its ok. i know how it is./ just last night i wanted to die. i was so close to just taking my bottle of sleeping pills, just to end it all. i know how you feel. we are always here to help. always email me or instant message me at phisvisor ANY TIME suzie

see heres the thing
Posted by Ang on Wed Mar 7 08:09:29 2001 (#4265)

i just wanted to say welcome to all the new mamber and I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS ON THE BORED! hugs and kisses,ang

some advice?
Posted by kathleen on Wed Mar 7 17:19:56 2001 (#4267)

I was looking through The Freak's (my mom) medical encyclopedia(The Freak is a doctor) and it said "the urge" for SI can sometimes be controlled by thinking of times when the self harmer was happy,this only worked for me no times but maybe it will work for someone else.

sorry if my first post offended anyone but i was feeling angery.

lots of kissesxxxx...

kathleen

Re: some advice?
Posted by Fran on Wed Mar 14 12:38:48 2001 (#4639)

So your mom's a doctor? is that right?. I don't think it always works either. Sometimes it makes it worse, thinking about all those happy times realise just HOW unhappy you are. I've made myself sick just TRYING to be happy. From Fran

Whew!!!!
Posted by Linda on Wed Mar 7 17:46:18 2001 (#4268)

Wow! It's been a few months since I checked and I am amazed at what has gone on here. I posted my first message on this board on 3-1-00 so I have been here a long time (nener nener nener....as my friend "Lost" said.....she posted her first on 4-24-00.......so there!!! (Hey sweetie, you know I'm jokin! You guys love poetry so much and I have this poem, actually it is a song written by a man named Ron Hamilton. It is such a blessing...I hope it will be to you! By the way, I just dropped in for a visit and can't stay but I still think of you often. I carried a burden, a staggering weight, And struggled for freedom but could not escape, I trembled and cried at the thought of my fate-- What must I do to be saved?

I desperately searched for release from my pain, But found that man’s wisdom was useless and vain, Is there not a power that can break every chain? What must I do to be saved?

Jesus’ blood flows from Calvary Breaking Satan’s power, setting captives free, Greatest Gift of the greatest love, Heaven paid the price with Calvary’s blood.

I saw Jesus bleeding; the cross bore His stain; The men standing by were all mocking His pain, But then--yes, I heard it---He called out my name, “Kneel at the cross and be saved.”

I fell at the feet of the One hanging there, “O Savior, forgive me,” I cried in despair! My burden fell off; Jesus answered my prayer. Kneel at the cross and be saved.

JESUS BLOOD FLOWS FROM CALVARY BREAKING SATAN’S POWER, SETTING CAPTIVES FREE. GREATEST GIFT OF THE GREATEST LOVE-- HEAVEN PAID THE PRICE WITH CALVARY’S BLOOD!

Praying for all! Love, Linda P. S. And Canada was a beautiful place!!

Re: Whew!!!!
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 23:48:37 2001 (#4307)

Hi, its good to here from you. I don't know what is going on here i'm trying to stay neutral. I haven't been here either in a while because i quit cutting hopefully for good. Well talk to you later.

Love, Kate

Re: Whew!!!!
Posted by LOST on Sun Mar 11 08:12:46 2001 (#4470)

NAH AH!!!! I POSTED MY FIRST ONE ON 3-13-00 (U STILL BEAT ME... BUT STILL... THAT MEANS I'VE BEEN HERE A YEAR SO NEENER NEENER NEEENER!!!!!!!)... I USED TO POST UNDER MY REAL NAME TOO, I STARTED USING "LOST" LIKE A MONTH OR SO AFTER I STARTED POSTING.

I'm back.
Posted by Nicke on Wed Mar 7 19:14:40 2001 (#4274)

Well, if I known that this was going to happen after my last post then I wouldn't have posted at all. I discharged myself from the psych ward at hospital today on condition that I go in tomorrow for ward rounds and see my consultant about my medication.

I'm not entirely sure that I am welcome here any more because of all the arguing I caused.

And for all those that set out to prove that I was lying then you can think what you want because I don't care anymore. I don't care what people think about me, and I don't care about myself.

So yes I am back and am physically alright but mentally I am more messed up than ever.

Sorry for all the arguements I caused, I hope that you will except me back if I chose to come back.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Wed Mar 7 19:40:51 2001 (#4276)

I dont care wgat any one else may think you will always be welcome here! And it is not your fault about the arguing, that was people getting up tight about others haveing different opinions(and yes i was one of the uptight ones and im sorry for it) But welcome back and i hope you DO get better. the pain will fade. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Someone on Wed Mar 7 21:09:53 2001 (#4282)

Welcome Back Nicke!!

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Alana on Wed Mar 7 21:18:02 2001 (#4286)

Hey Nicke, I think that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. And the way people have treated you over the past couple of days, well...you don't deserve it.

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Nicke on Wed Mar 7 21:36:43 2001 (#4291)

Thanx to all those who care. I hace just had a big ordeal, and I have just cut my wrist but it isn't that bad. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and everyone tried to make me go tonight. I hope that I can get better and get this feeling out of me.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 21:38:46 2001 (#4292)

Yay your back. You didn't cause anything. I am so glad you are okay. Take care!

Love, Kate

Re: I'm back.
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 22:03:29 2001 (#4299)

welcome back Nicke! I'm soo glad to have u back...I missed u! UR ALWAYS WELCOME HERE! I g2g! buh byes Christine

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 02:03:02 2001 (#4312)

nicke girl, you're back. oh gosh you gave us such a scare. are you ok? oh i hope so. well ill shut up and read the rest of your post. i got a bit excitied when i saw your name, hehe

suzie

Re: I'm back.
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 02:07:47 2001 (#4313)

ok now im done. hehe, girl you are ALWAYS welcome here. dont ever worry about that. fights happen here, i mean i caused a big one and im still here right? good luck with the doctor stuff, if you ever need to talk im me at phishvisor or email me at .. well you know, its up there ^^

I feel like an idiot!
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 19:30:34 2001 (#4275)

I find myself thinking about cutting everyday, a few times a day. It's like some kind of obsession or something. Most of you here seem to have been cutting for a long time, I just started about 3 weeks ago. I feel like an idiot because I don't think that I'm cutting right.

Re: I feel like an idiot!
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Wed Mar 7 19:43:07 2001 (#4277)

There is not right or wrong way to cut, it varies from person to person, day to day. Dont feel like an idiot as you are not one im sure. If you wanna chat email me. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: I feel like an idiot!
Posted by Someone on Wed Mar 7 21:18:13 2001 (#4287)

Your NOT an idiot!! SI can be sometimes an addiction I know it.I think about it every day! but hey, i didn't cut myself for 5 days know so there is hope, just don't give up now! lots of love Vicky.

Re: I feel like an idiot!
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 22:06:12 2001 (#4300)

ur not an idiot and there really is no wrong way to cut! I cut everyday...and think about it all the time! it'll calm down after a while...u just gotta stay strong! k? Christine

Re: I feel like an idiot!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 02:14:26 2001 (#4314)

there is no "right" way to cut. so dont feel bad about that. but its ok., i used to cut about 4 or 5 times a day. in school, befor school, after school,. all the time. so dont worry. its so controling. it over takes over our mind and body. its an addiction. so dont worry

suzie

I dont know if i should even post this
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Wed Mar 7 19:45:51 2001 (#4278)

I dont want to post anything at the moment for fear that it might set off another argument. i dont think that is what this board is for, do you???

Re: I dont know if i should even post this
Posted by Jess on Wed Mar 7 21:47:22 2001 (#4293)

no darlin

Re: I dont know if i should even post this
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 02:18:15 2001 (#4315)

not at all

I Don't know what to do anymore!!!!!!
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 19:55:03 2001 (#4279)

It's true, I really don't know what to do anymore. I find myself coming back here often, don't know why. I guess I'm feeling lonely right now. At least I managed to make it through lasst night. Thanks for listening, talk later, Julia

Re: I Don't know what to do anymore!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 7 20:42:42 2001 (#4280)

Hey Julia.

Listen to me, NEVER feel lonely. Each and every one of us is here to listen to you, to help you when you need it, and to be a caring, unbiased friend - always and forever. Please never feel lonely. Email me sometime if you need to talk. Be well. God speed.

Doris

Re: I Don't know what to do anymore!!!!!!
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 22:09:22 2001 (#4301)

if ur feeling lonely u came to the right place...we're here to help and make sure that u always have a friend and someone to talk to! im me if u can! Christine

Re: I Don't know what to do anymore!!!!!!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 02:33:11 2001 (#4316)

aww sweetie it will be ok be ok WHAT THE FUDGE< sorry there is this blinking light outside my window and its really annoying! ok now back to reality. its ok. its GREAT that you made it through the night. come here and talk with us it will be ok

Fucked it up again
Posted by Gnimia on Wed Mar 7 20:43:41 2001 (#4281)

ok so heres the deal. i live in halls with 24 other people. last week i had the first "fit" since ive known them. none of them really know anything about SI or suicidal behaviour. so finding me bleeding was a bit of a shock. i havent hurt myself before that ( or at least not obviously) for a while which added to it a bit. i hadnt taken my meds for five days and was on a fairly serious withdrawal, made worse by some other bits and pieces.

it took ages for the pills took kick back in and i was fairly unstable throughout that next few days. now its like i cant shut my door without a phone call or a polite knock. i know that they think they are doing the right thing and helping, but they are going to try and get me sectioned which is not a good plan. i found out when they thought i was out of it.

imnot sure why im writing this cos i should know by now what the fuck to do. but if i carry on like this and they send me off im screwed cos the bastards wont let me out again. need to stop but hate being on the pills, and hate being off them more. Catch 22. cos ive just moved here in october i dont really know any docs or trust them, the counselling service is shite and im just retreating into my little hole. thanks for listening.

Re: Fucked it up again
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 21:52:21 2001 (#4295)

I don't if this helps but when I lived in the college dorms I took pills and over dosed. I got kicked out of the dorms. I felt like an idiot. So i know what its like to feel different. Take care. Write me or email me anytime. Love, Kate

Re: Fucked it up again
Posted by Gnimia on Thu Mar 8 17:22:58 2001 (#4343)

thank you kate. im better today the pills have kicked in i think. i cant o/d on most of the ones ive got at the moment so im safe on that front. im not going to get kicked out now, its taken too long to get here. xx

la la land
Posted by blue rose on Wed Mar 7 21:12:50 2001 (#4283)

I'm so sorry for everything that has happened here. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel terrible for all the things that the "old" people have been saying.

Be open, talk about your problems, whine, cry, mope, wallow, laugh, scream, do anything you want. This is free fucking country and who really cares what some self-rightous bitches have to say. Do what you need to do, write what you need to write. I've been posting here for almost a year now and most of what I did was whine and complain, but it helped me to feel better. I know it does the same for most of you or else you wouldn't be posting here.

Nicke, you didn't start the argument, it's not your fault. Don't worry about what other people say to or about you, they don't matter.

I know I haven't posted here in quite a while, but that's because I *thought* I found a new and better place. But once I started reading all the shit they've been posting here, I know I should never have left. They may be older and more experienced, but they're deffinitely way less mature.

So, I'm sorry again. I hope everything can get back to normal.

~stay safe~

Re: la la land
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 21:48:08 2001 (#4294)

I feel like this is all my fault. If I caused any of anyone's pain I am so sorry. I know I am an older member but I don't care what you guys say or do on here. Its your life. Love you all!

Kate

Re: la la land
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 03:01:23 2001 (#4318)

no one made mistakes, they only exspressed their own thoughts and feelings. but its ALL: OVER NOW!!! hehe

suzie

for all you new people
Posted by Alana on Wed Mar 7 21:15:08 2001 (#4284)

For all you new people. If I were you I'd get the hell out of here. I feel bad for you. Coming here was the worst thing I've ever done. It doesn't help at all. It only makes you feel like complete shit. So leave now. I'm warning you.

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Ang on Wed Mar 7 21:17:45 2001 (#4285)

well thanx alana that made us all feel really help full and loved...brat:P

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Alana on Wed Mar 7 21:19:05 2001 (#4288)

You know shit, so don't even fuckin talk to me

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 21:57:42 2001 (#4297)

Ang, honey I love you. DOn't get mad at Alana she's right. but it isn't you, Nicke, the new people, strider, and anyone else left on the board that has caused pain. it is me and the rest of the older guys. DB and Blue Rose think so too so I am not the only one that thinks so. I am so sorry.

Kate

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Gurl on Thu Mar 15 03:24:14 2001 (#4657)

ALana, i am thinking that u might be right there are just to many people that are screwing my alomst regular thoughts up and too many negative thoughts thanks for the warning!

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Someone on Wed Mar 7 21:29:39 2001 (#4290)

NO its not it helpt me alot ! I feel so much better now thanks to the people here at the board. so please don't say its bad here!

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 21:54:48 2001 (#4296)

I feel awful. It isn't you guys we came back and fucked everything up. You replied to some of my posts and really helped me. YOu guys shouldn't let us ruin this board for the rest of you. I am so sorry.

Love, Kate

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 03:03:55 2001 (#4319)

the board is fine the way it is.

Re: for all you new people
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 04:41:55 2001 (#4381)

I like coming here and I think it's fine the way it is. People here seem to care and understand a lot about where I'm coming from. Please don't try to make me leave!!!!!!!!!!

NEW PEOPLE
Posted by Jess on Wed Mar 7 22:00:46 2001 (#4298)

Hey.I wanted to say hi to you.This board has been a really big help for me.Everyone is really nice.Recently sum 'other' people have said sum bad things.Don't be put off.The people sitting in the background (none participants of the flames) will help you with your problems.

I don't want to cause any more arguements so sorry if this post 'annoyed' you it wasn't meant to.

Re: NEW PEOPLE
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 03:04:52 2001 (#4320)

did you leave ande than come back, b/c you name is familiar from a while ago

Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Jeni on Wed Mar 7 22:29:36 2001 (#4302)

I haven't cut in a month, 3 weeks, and 3 days.

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Jeni on Wed Mar 7 22:30:53 2001 (#4303)

But I HATE odd numbers and 1, 3, and 3 are ALL ODD NUMBERS!!!!

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Kate on Wed Mar 7 23:02:00 2001 (#4305)

Good for you! Keep it up!

Kate

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Jess on Thu Mar 8 01:11:16 2001 (#4308)

keep it up.If you hate odd numbers turn them into even.Make that your goal.Dont cut cos ure numbers aren't even,then when they are i dont know.Good luck anyway your doing well

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by blackrose on Wed Mar 7 22:35:14 2001 (#4304)

Im glad to hear u havent cut in that long! I'm proud! keep postin! Christine

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Doris on Wed Mar 7 23:39:24 2001 (#4306)

Good for you, Jeni! That means you are strong. Please keep it up and keep posting if you need any help. Be strong! God speed.

Doris

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 03:06:42 2001 (#4321)

wOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO< LETS PARTY !! YEAH BABY!! WAY TO GO!!!!

Re: Just incase anyone cares...
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 8 06:40:24 2001 (#4328)

Actually, yes, I do! hat's awesome! And about the odd numbers, that combo will only last for today, so don't worry!

love and prayers, Colin

a little feedback please...
Posted by ticia on Thu Mar 8 01:49:38 2001 (#4309)

ok...i just looked at all the pics on this site and realized that although my own scars and healing wounds are not near as bad as some of the severe ones on there, they are worse than some....at first i didn't think my cutting was even serious...now i realize you don't have to cut deep to be a cutter....god i'm so scared now....someone please email me if you are not a deep cutter but you do cut...i'd like to discuss it....

Re: a little feedback please...
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 8 01:57:22 2001 (#4311)

Ticia, I'm not a deep cutter, but if u like u can IM me or talk to me bout ne thing! K? Christine

Re: a little feedback please...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 03:08:14 2001 (#4322)

i do both. but according to my friend, what i do isnt really that deep, but its all good

je ne sais pas...
Posted by Maggae on Thu Mar 8 03:16:14 2001 (#4323)

Dear Anybody, Please somebody tell me i'll be alright. Got really depressed today after thinking about one friend who does drug and has promiscuous sex, seeing another smoking, and finding out that yet another has cancer... not a good day. Noone believes me when i say i'm going crazy. well, i guess it's all talk. I'm probably not, it's just all in my head. i feel like i don't have control over myself. i think there's something inhabiting my body. i have seizures sometimes, but i haven't cut in a while. Oh, what a bitch. Honestly, i'm sorry everyone...

Re: je ne sais pas...
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 8 05:59:37 2001 (#4326)

You know,I find it strange that when you tell people you're crazy, they tell you it's all in your head, because, really, isn't it because it IS in your head that you're crazy? Oh well. First off, a couple of things. 1) you are NOT a bitch! And 2)don't be sorry for telling us how you feel. It's hard not getting depressed when you look around and all you can see is depressing things. But there is good! Like the good that you haven't cut in a while! That's geat! Look for the good, it's there...

love and prayers, Colin

Re: je ne sais pas...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 14:48:24 2001 (#4330)

dear maggae

everything will be ok, you'll see. intime it will work out. it may be shit now, but it will work out. i promise this to you.

suzie

fuck everyone...both boards
Posted by melissa on Thu Mar 8 03:53:13 2001 (#4324)

i stoped going to both...its all the same shit. i made 2 good friends while i was there kay and rose. and i met some really nice people. other than that your all fucking immature, arguing back and forth acting like fucking children. from my board-you are some cold hearted bitches!!! so someone lied or didnt its not for you to acuse them and if your mother didnt teach you not to say anything unless its appropriate then KEPP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT! how dare you say something like that we would of never drempt of that with e/o you made a new board! stay there. i fucking hate stupid ass comments. ALL OF YOU! theres my fucking opinion for sux on it for a while

melissa krystal s****d

Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 8 06:26:42 2001 (#4327)

I just wanted to say thanks to all the old timers that stopped by. I guess I had gone on too long feeling good about myself, eh? I mean, I guess I just had the insults coming huh? I guess that I was about due for another emotional beating, wasn't I? Well, thank you all for taking the time out of your lives to come back and help make me feel like absolute garbage! Be sure to do it more often, because, I mean, everyone knows how I absolutely love feeling so worthless that I want to just slash my arms until nothing is left but carved bone and hanging red ribbons right? The only way for this to be better is for the army to see my new cuts (though they're not nearly as deep as I normaly do) and not let me in, because then I would really have a reason to put a halt to my existence! Oh? did I forget to mention that I cut again? So much for stopping! Ha! I guess that I was pretty stupid for thinking that I could actually feel better about myself, eh? So, again, thanks for stopping bye and letting us know how much you hate us, old timers! We should do this more often, because I think that there's still a bit more will to live left in me, and I know that you don't want to see that!

still love you and pray for you, Colin

Re: Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by Alana on Thu Mar 8 06:45:25 2001 (#4329)

I love you!

thank you
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Thu Mar 8 15:03:08 2001 (#4331)

thank you. thank you for being there for me, for alana for everyone else. Thank you for being strong for me, for beliving in me. for laughing with me. possible crying with me. Thank you for saving my life. thank you for the fun time with the "snew". thank you for helping me to discover who i am. thank you for helping my belive in the big guy. thank you. always, thank you

~me~

p.s. its 5 monthes till july. i think it will be all healed up until than, so you're safe :)

Re: Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by Kate on Thu Mar 8 15:15:15 2001 (#4332)

I don't hate you. You guys are great. Take Care!

Love, Kate

Re: Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by LOST on Thu Mar 8 16:02:41 2001 (#4338)

cOLIN.... I just want u to know that everyone (except Baleigh) is sorry for what they have done... and i'm sorry too... i just wanted to stick up for u guys but i guess it back fired and now all u guys think i'm a bitch. But just to let u guys know... u won't have to worry about that drama from us "old timers" again because most of us have already said that we aren't going back to this board or our board.... and colin u are the last one that i would have ever wanted this to affect. i know how much u try to help people. you respond to EVERY SINGLE post no matter what... and i'm ashamed that me and people i know have caused u pain... so please accept my apology.... don't forget what we've done, but at least forgive us PLEASE... i hope you're ok....

Re: Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 8 16:33:43 2001 (#4341)

Colin, honey, we love you. You are not worthless. Very far from it. You are so much to so many people on this board. I haven't even known you long and I can see your strength. You inspire me to help people, remember that. You are so much... so much. Don't ever forget that. And if you do, we're here to remind you how much we love you. God speed, Colin.

Doris

Re: Thanks for stopping by, old timers!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 00:16:08 2001 (#4359)

Colin...ur not worthless at all! U've helped me soo much already and I haven't even known u that long! Don't forget that u mean so much and have helped soo many of us! If u ever feel worthless or unneeded u know that's not true...but just incase u have all of us to remind u it's not true! I LOVE YOU for everything u've done and don't forget that! Christine

so this board is shit huh?
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 15:39:07 2001 (#4333)

people come here and talk about how this board isnt the way it was, that its shit and that its crap, well you know what, if you dont fucking like it, THAN GO AWAY. we are happy the way it is. we all were doing just fine befor you all decicded to come back and remind us just how shitty we really are. you want

FUCK YOU ALL Posted By: FUCK YOU ALL Date: 5/23/0 00:46

Fucking losers

fuck!!! this message goes to that other one too
Posted by suzie on Thu Mar 8 15:40:29 2001 (#4334)

fuck, i messed it up, what i was trying to say was that back than, when people came and said shit like that, people ignored them! not one mean comment was made, search for it , you'll see than

fucked again. READ THIS ONE FIRST!!!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 15:43:37 2001 (#4335)

just incase you guys get pissed or some shit, i would never do that, so dont think that i intentional did that. it was a boo boo made by my freaking fingers clicking on the gosh damn post thingy. so that messeage is a screweb up message. just search for that message "fuck you all" you'll see how people reacted. thats the why it was. its worse now, but its stiull all the same here

Re: fucked again. READ THIS ONE FIRST!!!
Posted by gnimia on Thu Mar 8 17:20:12 2001 (#4342)

i hope no one will get pissed with that, it was quite tame compared to the other stuuf ive read on here. this board, the way isee it, needs to keep itself together, otherwise things will start to fall apart. you are all good. xx

phish phish phish phish phish phish
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 15:46:28 2001 (#4336)

my friend my friend hes got a knife a statement from a former life... when he was easy but alone beside him was an empty throne but what of silver silky blades ill fix his gauze his this featured stayed crasps the handle clips the cable one steps up sits at his table my friend my friend hes got a knife my friend my friend hes got a wife

so for posting so much, but today is one bad day
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 8 15:48:19 2001 (#4337)

yeah.. sorry about all those frantic posts after the big fuck up. sorry about my language too. its bad i know. i can see it now, today is gonna be one bad day.

thanks

suzie

Re: so for posting so much, but today is one bad d
Posted by Kate on Thu Mar 8 16:26:45 2001 (#4339)

I'm sorry you are having a bad day and that everything else has happened. Take Care.

Love, Kate

Re: so for posting so much, but today is one bad d
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 8 16:30:22 2001 (#4340)

Be strong, Suzie. We're all here for you. Be well and happy. God speed.

Much love, Doris

COLIN
Posted by Linda on Thu Mar 8 17:35:15 2001 (#4344)

(((((((Colin))))) YOU are one of the reasons why I left this board! Now that sounds bad but it was far from it. I felt like when you came that you, as I, shared a burden to help and you did it very well. I had become so involved that I could not do things that needed to be done in my personal life. YOU gave me a reason to feel that if I left there was still someone here that cared for these people and had some REAL answers. Please don't let this depression overtake you. You know the answer! "Casting all your care upon him for he careth for you!" Love and Prayers, Linda

Wondering
Posted by liz on Thu Mar 8 18:18:26 2001 (#4345)

Hello, looks like a rough day out there all around. I'm not familiar with discussion board etiquette, but I was wondering who you guys are. Not exactly who you are (of course), but the general age of people who post here, general whereabouts, like are you in the U.S., etc. So much of what I read here sounds exactly like my life. Consequently I tend to assume that most of you are my age with similar cultural backgrounds, but I realize this is probably not true. till later....

Re: Wondering
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Thu Mar 8 21:43:42 2001 (#4354)

Hi my nane is Amanda and im 14 i live in the UK and have been cutting for 2/3 years. I would love to know about you, so email me if you wanna chat or post here im usually around and if not ill get the message befor long. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: Wondering
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 00:16:23 2001 (#4360)

my name is suzie. i am almost 16. i live in Scotia Ny usa and ive been cutting for about 3 years. im always here to talk so im me at phishvisor or email me at the addie up there

Re: Wondering
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 00:23:44 2001 (#4362)

HI! my name is Christine...I'm 14 and am from MA,USA! I've been cutting for about 2 yrs now! I'd like to know a lil about urself and I'll tell u more about me if u'd like to know! k? buh byes Christine

Re: Wondering
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 9 19:28:34 2001 (#4423)

HI! My name is Alana, I'm 16 and I'm from Toronto, Canada. I've been cutting for 1 year last week. What about you?

A big ass apology
Posted by laura rose on Thu Mar 8 19:18:08 2001 (#4346)

Hey guys... Hey, all of this is MY fault, not anyone elses.... Look, I got fed up... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have posted anything when I was upset. Hm.. maybe it was immature of me, but one thing I never claimed to be was perfect.. and I'm sorry. That is why I'm not coming back to either board... I stopped by here to post something to Lori, since my email isn't working, but I found a bunch of drama shit that I started. You can hate me, call me names.. whatever... it really doesn't matter to me anymore... I'm going through a lot of shit right now.. counseling for the rape/abuse stuff... a nasty divorce in which my soon-to-be ex is fighting me for custody of the only thing I truly love in my life... illness, having no money or food... shit... I'm not going to try to make an excuse for anything. I was mean, and vindictive... heh... it seems to be the only thing I'm good at. It's my fault all of these people are leaving... so this is where I bow out not-so-gracefully... send me hate mail or whatever.... If it will make you feel better, then do it... I'm truly sorry that I caused all of this... bye

~laura rose

Re: A big ass apology
Posted by Kate on Thu Mar 8 19:48:46 2001 (#4347)

I love you sweetie. Thats all I can say.

Kate

Re: A big ass apology
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 00:18:59 2001 (#4361)

thank you

Julia?
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 8 20:12:39 2001 (#4348)

Hey

Julia, if you're reading this please post a response. You were posting pretty frequently and then you just stopped. I don't mean to overreact, I'm just worried about you. I hope you are healthy and well. Again, please post if you read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God speed.

Doris

Re: Julia?
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 00:26:21 2001 (#4364)

Julia, I miss u soo much right now and am soo worried! if u can read this e-mail me! I hope and pray that u r ok! Please! Christine

Re: Julia?
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 04:26:14 2001 (#4374)

I'm okay. I mean I am alive but I don't feel emotionally okay. Thank you both so much for caring, that means a lot to me.

treating us like children
Posted by Ang on Thu Mar 8 20:24:57 2001 (#4349)

okay so i'm glad were patching things up yet again but here the thing i do belive if we keep bikering there gonna treat us like children and take our toys away...in our case our bored so lets try to get along and grit our teeth when were mad adn keep our mouths shut :) and alwasy know thta i ilove you hugs and kisses p.s alana i didn't call u a brat in a bitchy way i was joking i guess u can't tell the tone in my voice threough postings so just know i wasn't being bitch OKAY!

Re: treating us like children
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 8 20:30:21 2001 (#4350)

You're right Ang, so I say we all stop bickering right now.

love and prayers, Colin

It's all forgiven.
Posted by Sider on Thu Mar 8 20:42:41 2001 (#4351)

OK, I hope that my post showed how much this escapade has hurt everyone here. In my mind, it's all in the past now. I forgive all, and I hope that you all forgive me for any hateful things I might have said. I want to say to everyone (including the old-timers that I so callously burned) that if you want a place to post and a support group, please keep coming here, and if you left for any reason, that I (and hopefully the others) will gladly welcome you back. To me, this is over now. Never forget what happened because then we would be doomed to repeat it, but always forgive. That's the way I look at it. Oh, and to everyone that was worried about me, I did cut, but it was nothing NEARLY as bad as I usualy do, so I'm OK.

love and prayers to you all (especially to you, Laura Rose), Colin

Hurray for me!
Posted by STRIDER on Thu Mar 8 20:46:34 2001 (#4352)

Man, don't I rock? I mean, it takes real skill to beable to misspell your own sign in name! Yea!

Re: It's all forgiven.
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 8 22:41:57 2001 (#4357)

You're a good man, Sider. hehe :-P

Doris

Re: It's all forgiven.
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 00:24:05 2001 (#4363)

ok now we're even, snew, sider, its all good now

Strider
Posted by Jess on Thu Mar 8 21:13:37 2001 (#4353)

Ha Ha.Sider's a good name.Thats the first time i've laughed properly in ages.Thankyou man. Jess

just incase anyone cared....
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Thu Mar 8 21:48:57 2001 (#4355)

i cut last night, 26 times. all on one arm and now i feel SHIT! but you are all proberbly to busy arguing about wether or not the board is 'real' to care about little me. but then again i dont care anymore, lifes a bitch and then you die so, whats the point???? there is no point, i only live to laugh at how shitty it all is, or cry when i hate myself and then laugh about that. So i thought id let anyone who cares know who i am, and i am SHIT so there we go. Amanda

Re: just incase anyone cared....
Posted by Doris on Thu Mar 8 22:40:21 2001 (#4356)

Amanda,

There is a point. There is a purpose for everything. There is a reason you are going through this and, trust me, it will pass. You just have to be strong, Amanda. I know you don't think you're strong, but you are. To post on this board and admit that you have a problem means that you are strong. Please remember that everyone on this board is here for you. Everyone has time for you, everyone cares about you, and no one will judge you. Remember that. You are not shit, Amanda. You are human and humans falter all the time. You are not unlike anyone else. We all have problems, we just deal with them in different ways. Please don't feel so bad. Know that I care about you, and I don't even know you. Please be strong and well. Email me if you need someone to talk to. God speed, Amanda.

Doris

Re: just incase anyone cared....
Posted by Kate on Thu Mar 8 23:00:11 2001 (#4358)

sweetie what happened you were doing so well. I hope it isn't all the drama of the board. Write me or email me anytime. Take Care

Kate

Re: just incase anyone cared....
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 00:28:48 2001 (#4365)

hey there

its all ok, really. it will be fine, ok its all ok. we will always care about you. so dont think that girl. Laughing and crying is all a part of life. and it will all be ok now. its gonna be a bitch, its going to be hard, and its going to be though, but it WILL be ok.

suzie

Re: just incase anyone cared....
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 00:35:38 2001 (#4366)

Amanda...u r NOT shit! and there is a point to life! I care deeply about hearing that u cut urself! I wish there was something I could do to make u feel better! I hope that u feel better! **hugs and kisses** everyone cares about u! please dont hesitate to e-mail me or IM me if u need to talk about ne thing! k? Christine

Re: just incase anyone cared....
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 04:07:15 2001 (#4370)

Actually L&L, We do care and all of that crap is done with, so I'm glad that you told us about what's been going o and Amanda, you are not shit. You might feel like it, but you're not. Try and remember that, OK?

love prayers, Colin

Fran??
Posted by Kate on Fri Mar 9 01:35:20 2001 (#4367)

Has anyone heard from Fran? Does she still post here? IS she okay? I'm worried.

Re: Fran??
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 01:39:24 2001 (#4368)

she posted about a week ago, maby a tad bit more. i havent heard anythign from her. havent even gotten an email recently. hmmmm. yeah, im starting to get worreid to.

Re: Fran??
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 04:13:20 2001 (#4371)

I was wondering the same. She did post a while abck but only once or twice. I e-mailed her, but I never heard back. I hope she's OK.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Fran??
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 9 17:34:05 2001 (#4416)

I am also worried about Fran. Franny if you read this then post us to let us know how you are.

is there anyone there to help me?
Posted by Lyds on Fri Mar 9 03:47:44 2001 (#4369)

i am new to this board and i hope there is someone out there who will listen to me. i have been cutting for about two years off and on and lately it has become very regular - i have been dealing with a lot of crap. I recently found out my father is a drug addict and my mother has been hiding it from me. two of my five teachers at school this year have died in the past two months and i have tons and tons of pressure from every aspect of my life. for the longest time i didn't think that there was anyone out there who could possibly understand the emotions i felt from digging deep into my skin and watching the blood pour out. I have never admitted to anyone that I have a problem or that i am a cutter but after looking at how much is on the web from and about people who might understand me i feel that it is time to admit to myself and to the world that i am a cutter. oh wow. i really want to admit to those that are close to me what i have been doing becuase i want help and despite my constant fascination with suicide i actually do want to live. i just want some way to deal with everything that i am going through so this is the first step - to admit to anyone who is out there that i have a problem i have an older friend who has helped me deal with my father. she is the only person who knows about him my father does not know that i know his secret - my family tries very hard to present an image of perfection i want to tell this friend - she is like an older sister to me- what i have been doing becuase when i take a step back from myself i cannot believe it myself and i know i need help

SO if there is anyone out there reading all this i thank you becuase it has given me courage just to type this. i need suggestions of how to ask my friend for help and tell her that i have been cutting myself. i am just so scared that she will want nothing to do with me becuase i am too troubled. but i need help and i am too young (16) to seek professional help on my own and the 'helpers' at my school are not allowed to keep anything confidential from my parents so how do i get help? i do not want my parents to know becuase then i will have to fess up to them about so many things i have been keeping secret - i had an abortion a few months ago and my parents have no idea that i even know what sex is so someone out there please help me or talk to me i feel so alone and the only thing i feel i can control is how much blood i let drip from my arms and legs

Re: is there anyone there to help me?
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 04:24:00 2001 (#4373)

I know it's hard to ask for help, I have the same problem. My problem is a little different, I don't think anyone can help me. I am glad you've posted here, I'm new too. If you ever do need to talk I'd always love to listen, it's what I'm best at. I also have a constant facination with suicide and I also want to live, it's just hard you know. Please keep trying to hang in there!!!

HUGS,

Julia

Re: is there anyone there to help me?
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:36:19 2001 (#4375)

hello. i am here. we are here. this may seem un imporant but how old was the baby at the time of the aborition? thats rather imporant to me

i will listen to all your words. all you pain. at some time i have felt what you have felt. my teachers have died on me. heh. and my friends have left me. secrets have been kept from me. my sister, she was a drug addict. so i know it , i know it all email me to talk

suzie

Re: is there anyone there to help me?
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 04:39:30 2001 (#4378)

I'm glad that my being here has been a part of helping you come to terms with this. For SO long I thought that I was the only person in the universe that did this and thought this way, it helps to know that you're not alone. Now for your friend. I would just make sure that she is a true friend.If you know she is, then she'll try and understand. She won't be able to understand, but she'll try. From my experience unless you SI, there's no way to really understand it. So, if she's a true friend, then tell her. If there's any doubt though, I'd say you shouldn't do it.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: is there anyone there to help me?
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:18:02 2001 (#4436)

I'm sry about ur loses and what u have found out about ur life...but I am also glad that u came here and r admitting that u have a "lil secret" like the rest of us! I'd like to learn more about u..please keep postin! Christine

HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 04:19:03 2001 (#4372)

I'm sorry if I am such a pain in the ass for anyone here, I really don't mean to be. I'm just going crazy here. My life is like becoming some kind of horror movie that I'm stuck in. I hate this. I'm seriously thinking about killing myself tonight. You know, it would be so much easier. There's so much going on in my life and I don't know how to deal with it all. I believe that my life is stuck in rewind but I'm being forced to go forward. Does this make any sense?

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:37:33 2001 (#4376)

instant message me at phishvisor ok thanks!

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:39:45 2001 (#4379)

PLEASE DONT DO THIS IT IS NOT WORTH IT. PLEASE EMAIL ME AT THE ADDIE ABOVE TALK TO ME PLEASE. LET ME HELP PLEASE. INSTANT MESSAGE ME. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE!!!

IM ME AT PHISH VISOR

EMAIL ME AT RENTHEAD020@AOL.COM

PLEASE DO NOT WASTE A BEATUFIL THING LIKE YOUR LIFE. PLEASE

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 04:47:01 2001 (#4384)

Unfortunately, I cannot Instant Message anyone because I don't have it yet. I wish I did though. Thank goodness someone is here though, I thought I was all alone, I don't want to be alone. Thanks for getting back, now I know I'm not the only one here.

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:47:49 2001 (#4385)

i am here

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 04:53:45 2001 (#4388)

Julia, you are not a pain in the ass. If we thought that then we wouldn't be posting to you. What you say does make sense. I've felt like that before. Like all things in your life are dying, but you have to keep going. I've been there, and it's not fun, I know. Don't end it, please Julia, please.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:01:06 2001 (#4392)

Thanks for the words, I will try to keep going. Everything seems to caving in on me like a ton of bricks all at once. It feels as though my heart has been cut up and out into a blender on high speed. I'm not sure how to make it through the night!

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 05:03:16 2001 (#4393)

oh sweetie, it will be ok, just keep praying. read, scream, beat up some pillows, get out your pain, just stay alive please just stay alive

Re: HELP ME, I THINK I WANNA DIE!!!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:21:28 2001 (#4437)

Julia,please dont do hurt urself! I'm soo glad and relieved to have u back! I've missed u soo much! PLEASE dont hurt urself! U may think that u wanna die but I dont want u to! U R NOT A PAIN IN THE ASS! k? Christine P.S.~ please keep postin!

I'm through
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 9 04:38:21 2001 (#4377)

I can't do this anymore, i can't keep hurting everyone I love. I'm through, it ends here.

Re: I'm through
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:41:50 2001 (#4380)

aww sweetie no plesae sign on msn and talk to colin please!!!!!!!@ email me , its all ok plase

Re: I'm through
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:43:11 2001 (#4383)

please do not waste this gift. you have a gift, as do we all do. we can help each other, we all know each others pain, we can all help, please do not stop helping, please!!!

Re: I'm through
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 04:42:48 2001 (#4382)

Alana, if you can read this, IM me! PLEASE!!!

Colin

Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 04:52:18 2001 (#4386)

This is just so hard you know. I keep wanting to die, now more than ever before. I am thinking about suicide everday now. First it was just hurting myself, but now it's suicide. I feel like crying but I never do cry. I have learned to hide my true feelings, this doesn't mean that I like doing it. I wish I could cry but I'd rather not have to cry alone. I feel lonely all the time, I hate this. At school, the other teens make me feel like shit, when will everything be okay again? Will it ever be okay again?

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:52:43 2001 (#4387)

girl im here!

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 04:56:01 2001 (#4390)

I know you're here, I just don't know what to do anymore, this is just so hard. How am I going to make it through the night???????

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:58:44 2001 (#4391)

pray

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:10:23 2001 (#4394)

Um.... OK. Well, do something, ANYTHING that wil keep you alive. Whatever it takes, Julia.

Colin

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 04:54:52 2001 (#4389)

IT WILL be ok, it will, it will get better, in time, in hard work, it will get better i promis this , ok, it will, just pray, ok pray so hard. ok it will be better and he will help you

suzie

Re: Someone? Anyone? Save me from my life!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:27:11 2001 (#4438)

Julia, U'll make it thru the night..ur strong...I know u r! u can make it thru this...I know it's not easy at all! Everything will get better... I can't promise u that it'll happen right away...but I know it will be better...u just have to stick it out! hopefully U'll be fine right now! I'm praying for u! Christine

I am still here:(
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 05:10:26 2001 (#4395)

I'm stil feeling really blue, wish there was something that I could do to get my mind off of things. My mind is racing like crazy, it's always racing. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I need to know. How has this all happened so fast? How can I possibly be thinking about killing myself? I used to think that anyone who thought about suicide and SI was crazy, but here I am. I know now that none of them are crazy. We're the furthest from crazy. I need some way out of this. I wonder if anyone will be able to help me......

Re: I am still here:(
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 05:13:16 2001 (#4396)

yes people can help you. dont worry. i know it seems like such a sudden rush.,, you have no idea how it got this far so soon. you are the person you once macked, trust me, you;re living my life sister,. i knwo it , i feel it. that is me and many others im going to bed now, good luck

suzie

Re: I am still here:(
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:16:37 2001 (#4397)

Well, try writing. Grab a pen, and some paper, and start writing. All of your feelings, thoughts, whatever comes to mind. It helped me. I would write so fast and sloppy that I couldn't read it, but it helped. Then, take the paper it's on, and tear it up. Try it.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I am still here:(
Posted by Julia on Fri Mar 9 05:23:09 2001 (#4399)

Thanks, I'll do just that, wish me okay?! HUGS,

Julia

Re: I am still here:(
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:30:04 2001 (#4439)

Julia, I'm soo glad to hear that ur trying as hard as u can...If u ever need ne one to talk to...I'M HERE! dont forget that! Christine

I don't know what's going to happen to me tonight
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:21:05 2001 (#4398)

I'm sorry for writing this, I don't want any of you to hate me. I feel so desperate, so vulnerable. I must be honest, I hate myself. I really don't know what's going to happen to me tonight. I know that I won't get any sleep. It's one of those nights where I lie awake restless in bed watching the clock as the time slowly passes by. This is going to suck. I wish that I had friends! Seriuosly, you may think that everyone has friends but it;s not true. I only have one real friend, I mean a friend who I can see and spend time with. I often wonder if she even really likes me. Maybe she too is just lonely, like me. Maybe I should do some writing tonight, what do you think? Maybe I could share some of my writing here, would that be okay? Please don't hate me or tell me to go away, I know that I write a lot here but I can't help it.

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:26:31 2001 (#4400)

Oh Julia! We don't hate you! Please, write some tonight (just read my last post, Iknow it helps to write!) and share it! We're in different time zones, but I'll try to be up with you as long as you need. So write, and share it with me, OK?

I'm praying for you, Colin

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:35:35 2001 (#4403)

Okay, so you say it's okay to write and that you will listen. Well here goes... I am feeling really angry because I was sexually abused and raped. It just recently stopped happening last month! I hate it because it's just not fair, it makes me feel really shitty. Think about it, I was used for sex! YUCKY! I can't stop thinking about this(sexual abuse) and I don't know why. My friend says that I should just simply forget about everything from the past, I can't seem to do this. I feel very worried because I could be kicked out of school. There's more, I'll be right back!!!!!

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:40:54 2001 (#4405)

I really don't know what it's like to be abused. Sorry, but I can imagine how it must feel. I'm not surprised that you can't stop thinking about it! It's pretty traumatic, I'd say! Why would you be kicked out of school?

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 05:44:13 2001 (#4406)

Julia honey,

If you read this tonight please IM me at SlippersAngel. I am willing to stay up all night with you. I sincerely want you to be okay. Be strong, Julia. I know it gets harder and harder.. trust me, I was there. But now I'm 100 times better and I'm happy. You can get through this, trust me, you can. Be strong. You have friends - everyone on this board cares about you. I would be honored if you considered me a friend. Please be strong tonight, Julia. It will get easier you just have to let it. Please be strong. Please. God speed.

Doris

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:48:35 2001 (#4409)

I might be kicked out of school because I skip a lot of my classes. Truthfully, I skip them because I just feel too depressed to sit in a classroom and listen as my teacher talk s about a bunch of stuff that doesn't matter to me right now. I have so much to deal with other than school, like trying to stay alive!

Re: I don't know what's going to happen to me toni
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:33:56 2001 (#4440)

I skip soo many of my classes to...I cant handle what ppl do to me and all the things floating thru my head! please write me if u need ne one to talk to! Christine

just my thoughts... on life
Posted by ignorance is bliss on Fri Mar 9 05:28:56 2001 (#4401)

hey i figured i may as well join the crowd. the sucicide society session of the winter(some of you may get the quote, others may not) im just sitting here, wondering about me. my life. my porpouse. i dont excatly want to die, to murder me, exstinguish my flame. end my words. i dont want that. i want to live on. i want to be remembered. but i dont want to deal with this pain. its like everytime i read one of you'r posts. i feel the pain. every time i read about some one wanted to die. i feel the way they do. its terrible. i cant sleep. i feel like a zombie. theres too much damn "snew" its insane. i dont know why im here really., i dont want to leave this world, excatly. but why was i put here. what is my porpus (cant spell) on life. why was i sent here. why am i living. i just feel lifeless. i post here all the time (diff name there) and i try and try to help everyone, as many as i can, and i feel as if im not. as if my words are passed by. i feel as if im whining now., but i just dont know who to talk to. i feel like i dont have anyone, completly there to talk to. half the time i dont even know what im saying or thinking , and when i do , i dont know why. i dont know who i am. i feel as if my mother, is not my mother, and my father is not my father. my brother torments me, my sister treats me like i am 6 years old. my teachers are afraid of me. and its not like im a freak, i am normal. completly. in school, in sports, in life, well, not completly in life, just my mask. which is murdering me. suffacatinng me. i really dont knwo ho i am , or why im here, i dont even know if i am real, or if i am just faking my probs. i knwo im not. but im always afraid of what pther people think, what they want to say and what they dont say that they want to. i always worry about what peole say about me, if they dfo. i just found out that my best friend lied to me for 6 years. that is terrible, i know you all know how it feels, but this is the first time this has happened to me. i feel like i am just life less. i feel like there are some things that i just want to SCREAM at peiople for, but i am afraid of how the will affect them. im tired of feeling alone. the two poeple o thougt i was getting a bit close to just moved a whole lot farther away, one to alabama, one is still all the way up north in good old canada (the real one, not that place the oldies made up, which i dont understand but thats not the point really) see, i cant even keep my mind on track., i dont knwo what to do., im ashamed of me. of my scars, of who i am. im tired and i cant sleep,. i lay awake all night life less. its like i crawl through life. alone. on my knees, at the feet of other people. sorry for wasting your time by rambling on about me, i knwo that wasnt very good.well i am sorry for my spelling mistakes. i dont feel my arms, i know right now i am going to cut, proba bad, to for me. but owell. i mean thats me, i should start accepting me for how i am right, haha, i wish, ok than i will go to my room , lock the door and porform my sacred ritual that i have been trying to deprive my self of, but have recently failed thank you and good night

ignorance is bliss

Re: just my thoughts... on life
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:34:26 2001 (#4402)

My tears are doing the talking right now....

Re: just my thoughts... on life
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:40:06 2001 (#4404)

I'm glad that you've posted here. Now I know that I'm not the only one who feels so much like dying right now. I often wonder the same things as you: Why am I here on earth? What's my purpose? Do I even have a purpose? Was I put on earth for others to hurt me and trample all over me? I don't know. Try not to hurt yourself, everyone else tells me this so now I'm telling it to you!!!! Please stay strong, HUGS,

Julia

Re: just my thoughts... on life
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:38:34 2001 (#4441)

Please stay strong!

Fuck it!!!!!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 05:44:53 2001 (#4407)

This just sucks man. What is this going to do for me, this talking? I mean no one probably really cares about what happens to me, how could they, they don't even know who I am. I don't know anything anymore. My mind is so cluttered and crazy, what am I going to do with myself???????????????? I WISH I COULD DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! :( :( :(:(:(:(

Re: Fuck it!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 05:48:17 2001 (#4408)

Julia, I care! I don't know you, but I care!! I don't know what I'd do if you did anything to yourself tonight. Please be strong... keep talking to us! Please!

Doris

Re: Fuck it!!!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 05:51:22 2001 (#4410)

Ok Julia, listen to me, listen VERY carefuly. I CARE! I TRULY CARE! It doesn't matter if I have never met you in my life, or if I never meet you, because I still care about you!! Keep writing and posting!!

Re: Fuck it!!!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 21:39:21 2001 (#4431)

just because i dont know you personally, dosent mean i dont know how you feel. because i do. i know how it feels to be alone, to be soo confused. to be scared. i know hgow it is and i am so willing to help you. just talk to me. email me. go to aol and download instant messanger and im me at phishvisor. lets talk. talking helps,. alot

Re: Fuck it!!!!!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:41:45 2001 (#4442)

Julia, please dont do ne thing "stupid"! I will miss u soo much! I will always b there to help u! I'm feeling the same way right now...although I dont always show it I wish I could scream everything I feel at the top of my lungs and get ppl to listen to me! I care about u and what u have to say please dont give...I'll even try too becuz it's not that easy at all! Christine

a little help
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 06:13:56 2001 (#4411)

This prayer is for Julia and for everyone else who is having a hard time tonight. Reading this helped me through my hard times. Please be strong, Julia. Please. Doris

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. 'Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all of the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.' The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your time of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Re: a little help
Posted by Someone on Fri Mar 9 16:39:10 2001 (#4415)

...Have no words for it.

JULIA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 06:24:02 2001 (#4412)

Where are you! Please post!!!!!

Re: JULIA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 06:30:54 2001 (#4413)

Julia, we're both here for you... all night if you need us. Please, PLEASE keep posting. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Be strong. God speed.

Doris

Re: JULIA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 21:41:47 2001 (#4432)

julia, im here. good luck

Re: JULIA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:45:13 2001 (#4443)

Julia...please post...be strong! Christine

ALANA!!!!!!
Posted by Srider on Fri Mar 9 07:04:54 2001 (#4414)

Please. if you read this, IM me!!!! Plwease be OK, Alana, please....

love and prayers, Colin

Re: ALANA!!!!!!
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 9 18:06:39 2001 (#4418)

Please be okay and don't give up on life just yet. Please, there are so many ppl here that would hate to see you go just now.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

P.S. Email me anytime.

Re: ALANA!!!!!!
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 9 19:38:24 2001 (#4424)

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was going to kill myself. What I meant was that I was through with feeling this way and hurting myself. Thats what I meant. I'm so sorry for making you worry! I've never been so sorry! Love you guys, Alana

Re: ALANA!!!!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 20:20:12 2001 (#4427)

Don't be sorry Alana. The huge wave of relief that came over me when I saw that you responded is more than enough to make up for any sot of worry!

love and prayers, Colin

Julia please read!!
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 9 17:59:56 2001 (#4417)

Julia, I live in a totally different time zone to you so I can't be there when you need help the most. This doesn't stop me from caring though. I too was sexually abused as a child. I was only seven. As I grew up I just tried to forget about it and pretended it was a dream. About 7 months ago I was talking to someone and they made me realise that what David had done was wrong. I cut me up pretty badly. But I found this board and except from my recent relapses I am trying to get myself back on track. I hope that this board can help you as much as it has helped me and so many other ppl.

Just remember that there are ppl out there who care and know what you are going through.

E-mail me any time if you want to chat and I will be happy to help or just talk.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by Someone on Fri Mar 9 18:56:21 2001 (#4419)

Its a complete week now that I didn't cut myself, but I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm feeling so bad .. so bad that I just want to cut myself. Nobody seems to care about me, not my familie,.. just nobody. everybody hate me, everybody laughs with me .. make fun of me.. I hate the world! Sometimes I'm wondering what I'm even doing here on this world, wondering what wil happen if I did something bad. It just seems so hopeless sometimes and I really wanted to stop I don't wonna be a freak anymore! I'm tired of hideing the scars, but I can't mis it I want to feel the pain, see the blood..I'm so sorry. O god please help me!! ..vicky

Re: I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 19:02:52 2001 (#4421)

I understand how you're feeling, I'm not just saying this you know. I ccare about you. I may not have ever met you but I still care. Someday I'm going to help people like us. I want you to live! Talk to me some more... what's up? How exactly are you feeling? I hope that you feel better really soon. I know what it'[s like to want to die and to think about wanting to cut. Don't do anything like that okay? Please?

Re: I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 20:15:43 2001 (#4426)

Oh Vicky, just try for a litle longer, please! Do whatever you have to to take your mind off of it. Do something to stop yourself from cutting! Try taking a pen and a piece of paper and just writing all of what you are thinking and feeling. Just try it. Try anything. And I'll tell you this, we all care about you, and will never laugh or make fun of you. There is a reason for you being here, there's a reason for all of us to be here. Try and see that, and do something to take your mind off of cutting.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by Someone on Fri Mar 9 21:36:19 2001 (#4430)

I'm sorry about it, Its weird telling about my feelings, I never did this befour I always keep my feelings a secret, never wanth to bother anyone with it, so here it go's Sometimes I just feel so bad, its like my mind is all mess-up. I think about death allot but I don't have the courage to do it. Maybe it is better that way, staying with te living part. I really don't know wath I did wrong in this world to be like this.I ask me that question allot! Its weird how days can be different, one day your hopefull and the next day your so down you don't want to live anymore.It scare me! not knowing how your day gonna be. Anyway I'm sorry that I cut myself again (it was not a big cut but i did feel the pain and it did feel good) I guess I'm just not ready for it, but I'm still hopeing that there will be a day that I have a normal live, a live where the cutting isn't a part of me anymore!! I'm so sorry Colin! I hope you can forgive me for this. lots of love Vicky

Re: I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 21:51:39 2001 (#4433)

im am here. tell me what you want. anythung you need i will do my best to help you. i will always be here to talk, always! please email me or im me at phish visor

Re: I can't take it ANYMORE!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:48:03 2001 (#4444)

I know how ur feeling...if u can read this e-mail me or IM me...ne time u need to talk I'm here! K? Christine

SORRY!!!!!!!!
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 18:58:30 2001 (#4420)

I'm sorry that I just left and didn't tell you I was leaving. I know that was rude and I'm very sorry. I am still here though, still breathing! I made it through last night, but I still want to die! I plan to kill myself soon, but not right this econd.

Re: SORRY!!!!!!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 21:55:18 2001 (#4434)

its ok girl. just dont hurt yourself. please just dont

HOPELESS:(
Posted by JULIA on Fri Mar 9 19:07:28 2001 (#4422)

Yup, I feel very hopeless. I'm at school right now and I'm going ccrazy. I don't even know why I bothered to get up this morning! What's the point? I'd be better off in bed. At least then I could sleep or die! I wonder if I'll ever get past this stage of seriously wanting to die! What should I do next? What am I going to do now? I have enough pills with me right now to kill myself andd I'm thinking about it. I got them right here in my pocket, nice and safe..........

Re: HOPELESS:(
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 9 20:08:36 2001 (#4425)

Oh Julia, please try and hold out, and don't be sorry that you worried anyone. I'm happy that you trusted us enough to tell us! I can't talk tonight, because I won't be home, but plese try and hang in there. Please...

love and prayers, Colin

Re: HOPELESS:(
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 21:02:25 2001 (#4429)

Julia, be strong! There are so many people here who care about you and want you to live. Please get through this. Please don't do anything horrible. We are ALL here for you! Keep posting and I'll do my best to get back to you! Tell us how you're doing! And please, God, Julia - don't do it!

Doris

Re: HOPELESS:(
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 22:08:00 2001 (#4435)

sweetie its good to sleep sleep = good die = bad VERY bad no one wants you to die, we all want you to be ok so bad! please be ok. please

Colin
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 9 20:56:05 2001 (#4428)

Hey Colin, come talk to me, I'm online right now!

Re: Colin
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 22:58:08 2001 (#4446)

colin went to lithers house (remember him?) well i guesse that he is having a bad time, his parents are pissed that he cuts and they like check his arms everythign adn they dont let him post here anymore, i know its so sad. he needs a friend so thats where colin to saterday. and today he is visiting his dad at this grandmothers, so he will be back on sunday, so good luck, out hero colin will be back to save us all on sunday, haha

suzie

helpless!!!
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 9 22:55:02 2001 (#4445)

I don't know if ne 1 here cares about what's happened to me or what might! I dont know what to do ne more...I feel soo worthless! everyone keeps making fun of me...I hate it! I cut myself everyday and alot of them need stitches now! should I take it 1 step further? should I kill myself...my I should...no 1 would care ne ways! My life sux! I guess killing myself would b the only way to end the pain, huh? Christine

Re: helpless!!!
Posted by Doris on Fri Mar 9 23:00:01 2001 (#4447)

Christine, no! You KNOW I care about you. You're my friend, girl! :-P If you did anything to yourself I would not be able to live with myself. Please don't do anything. You are loved. Even if you don't see it right away, you are. I love you, Chris. Please be strong! Please!! For me!

Doris

Re: helpless!!!
Posted by suzie on Fri Mar 9 23:03:40 2001 (#4448)

killing is NOT THE WAY, nooo way, noppers . WRONG!! hehe sorry it got carried away with me there. you should not kill your self girl, there are other ways to deal with the pain. dont waste a life, a human life. you are so beatuifl. cant you see it. you offer so much help, so much courage to us all here. please stay stong. and girl i do care about you. i care about everyone here. you guys are all my friends and i care for every single person on this board. even people who just happen to be a tad bit mean to me, but that was a couple of monthes ago so that dosent matter. but girl you are so special, cant you see that, just try so hard, ok , please try harder than you ever have. its beter to be able to get stiches than be able to be a member of a grave yard. please dont do that. dont run down that scary path., please girl, please email me please you need to talk to someone thank you

be strong

Re: helpless!!!
Posted by julie<3 on Fri Mar 9 23:04:30 2001 (#4449)

hunnie i know that you are upset and i know how people treat you and it is wrong but by you killing yourself it isnt the answer it wont make anything btter and you need to know this you need to know that there are people who care about you and you need to realize that i am here for you and you know that i care about you and alisha does to and we <3 you !!!!! and nothing s going to change that!!!

Re: helpless!!!
Posted by Strider on Sun Mar 11 19:53:26 2001 (#4477)

Aw Christine, taking it that step further is not the way to do it.I just cut again after deciding to stop and I feel like crap, but dying is not the way. It's not a solution, it really isn't. And as far as people not caring, well I have a feeling that all of us here would have to disagree with you on that!

love and prayers, Colin

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