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Threads 1051 to 1100

Colin!
Posted by Ang on Mon Feb 26 07:43:26 2001 (#3849)

thank you so much you're alwasy there when i need you and u do help me and make me feel better about everything i juts want you to know ai appriacaite you verry much and with out u i would be in big trouble love alwasy hugs and kisses ang

Re: Colin!
Posted by Colin on Mon Feb 26 08:18:38 2001 (#3850)

Hey, no problem! I'm just glad to help any way I can. Hugs and kisses right back at you, Ang.

love you and I'm praying for you, Colin

Does anybody has had that feeling?
Posted by Davina on Mon Feb 26 15:23:26 2001 (#3851)

I woke up this morning and I didn't feel depressive. But then suddenly I started to cry whithout a reason. I really thought that maybe today was the day I was longing for, that I finally would be normal. Davina

Re: Does anybody has had that feeling?
Posted by lost and lonly on Mon Feb 26 19:15:34 2001 (#3854)

just because you get depressed it doesnt mean you arent normal. PLEASE remember that!! i used to think that i wasnt normal but i think that made me feel worse about myself. it made me think that i shouldnt be here, so i used to cut to relieve that, then i came here, everyone made me feel so accepted and completly normal! so think good things about yourself and you will feel better.

love and hugz Amanda

Re: Does anybody has had that feeling?
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 07:29:45 2001 (#3866)

Oh yes I have. For me it always seemed that it was when the emoyions had been held back so long that they just couldn't be held anymore, and so out they come. Surprisingly enough the crying IS normal! I myself find that one of the reasons that I cut was because I could NOT cry. Even now when I cry (which doesn't happen often) I cry with an expressionless face whith tears running down. Oh well ,some habits die hard. I actualy think that if we all could let ouselves cry we'd feel better. But then again, it might just be me.

love and prayers, Colin

WOW!!!
Posted by Nicke on Mon Feb 26 17:36:30 2001 (#3852)

Wow I went away for the weekend and came back to lots and lots of messages! I haven't read them all just yet but I will bet around to it.

I had some bad news the other day. I have been planning to go travelling with this organisation called Raleigh International. You may have heard of it. They go to countries and build schools, or hospitals for the residents of that country. However I can't go abroad until I have been off my medication for 6 months. I don't know what to do! I can't go when I was planning to go now anyway so I was thinking that maybe I could keep taking my medication until I feel that I am ready to stop and then go on expedition. I don't know because again I am trapped by my depression.

Nicke. XXXX

Re: WOW!!!
Posted by Jess on Mon Feb 26 22:10:10 2001 (#3857)

hey my uncle Matt does Raleigh International.It's wicked.He's done some amazing things.If you go it will be fun.I've seen pictures of what he's done and where he's been.What an experience!

Re: WOW!!!
Posted by Suzie on Mon Feb 26 22:14:22 2001 (#3859)

well if there is more than 6 monthes between now and the trip, than stop taking the medican, but than again, i dont know what im talking about, because i dont take any meds, i guesse i am EXTREMELY lucky, well thanks byebye

<3 later <3

Suzie

Re: WOW!!!
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 08:15:34 2001 (#3867)

Godd to hear form you again Nicke!.... but that SUCKS about the whole Raleigh thing. Your right though, you should only go if you're sure that you can do it off the medication. I would try cutting down on your dosage by EXTREMELY small amounts until there's no need for it at all. I have no experience with pharmacuticals though, so don't quote me on that one! That's the way it seems to go with depsession, it not only stops you from being able to do just one thing, it stops many. The depression itself is like being in a locked room you can't get out of, and when you see that it blocks you from doing things you want to, it's like being put into a cage that's INSIDE of that room. Hope you feel better! You'll get out of the locked room, so don't quit just yet!

love and prayers, Colin

Doctors
Posted by Jess on Mon Feb 26 22:13:26 2001 (#3858)

I'm going to the doctors tomorrow cos i'm depressed.I wanna do summit about it and feel i've gotta start somewhere.I'm so nervous.I've never gone to a proffesional before.I'll tell you more when i've been.

Love

Jess

Re: Doctors
Posted by Suzie on Mon Feb 26 22:16:37 2001 (#3860)

good luck

Re: Doctors
Posted by blackrose on Tue Feb 27 03:18:01 2001 (#3863)

good luck!

Re: Doctors
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 08:21:39 2001 (#3868)

I'm sure that it's got to be nerve racking. Let us know how it turns out, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Doctors
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 16:28:19 2001 (#3880)

Good luck, hope you get yourself sorted out and keep us posted as to how it goes.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

hey, disney has interesting lyrics
Posted by suzie on Mon Feb 26 22:28:21 2001 (#3861)

gleaming in the moon light

silver shinging ( bla bla bla bla bal)

all ive ever wanted

this is my home, my friend

...... some stuff here i dont know the words

with my past etched in every wall (arm fits)

hmm, i think the price of egypt deals more than just about exodos. also, what are you trynig to give up for Lent, im trying cutting, but haha, i just stoped for 26 days and i know im gonna do it tonight, so maby i can stop for all of Lent, well byebye

Re: hey, disney has interesting lyrics
Posted by blackrose on Tue Feb 27 03:20:08 2001 (#3864)

good luck...I couldnt do that I cut practically every day...have fun! buh byes Christine

Re: hey, disney has interesting lyrics
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 08:28:12 2001 (#3869)

Hmmm. It seams that dear old Mr. Disney was pretty messed up, eh? For Lent? I think that I'll give up being a dumbass, as being one sucks for all who get involved in my dumbassedness. I hope that you can give up cutting for Lent, and for every day after that as well! I'll be praying.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: hey, disney has interesting lyrics
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Wed Feb 28 19:46:04 2001 (#3921)

For the past two years I've given up cutting for Lent - don't know if I'll make it this year or not. It might be nice if I could - stopping for forty days last year helped me pretty much resist it through most of the summer too - but then again, here I am now.

And as a sideline, I don't think Prince of Egypt was a Disney movie - wasn't it Dreamworks or something?

Hey, good luck. I've found that once you reach a certain point it gets easier to stop thinking about cutting (until it all crashes down, but it's a brief respite anyway.)

Just wondering?
Posted by Alana on Tue Feb 27 06:41:46 2001 (#3865)

I was just wondering if anyone here does anything else besides cut? I wasn't sure, because there is never any mention of it. I'd have to say that I prefer cutting, but i've been known to beat myself in the face till I bruise of break. Which ever one I prefer. Sorry about this. I'm in a freaky mood, obviously. More like a self destructive mood. I can't control hurting myself today. I've done pretty much everything I can think of. Cutting, hitting, pills, what else is there to do? Hmmmmm, I'll have to think.

Re: Just wondering?
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 08:33:23 2001 (#3870)

Oh Alana, I wish that you didn't have to do this. I wish that everyone here on the board could stop. Plese don't try and think of any other ways, please?

lovea and prayers, Colin

Re: Just wondering?
Posted by heavenleigh on Tue Feb 27 12:30:19 2001 (#3873)

I wouldn't encourage you to look for other ways of hurting yourself. Nasty as cutting can be, it is a method by which you are in controll. I have a couple of cigarette burns, which make a mess and take ages to heal. Stay safe Sarah

Re: Just wondering?
Posted by Suzie on Tue Feb 27 13:10:26 2001 (#3874)

aw girl. im sorry. but i hope that every thing works out. you shouldnt be looking for other ways to harm yourself, you should be looking for ways to stop, good luck.

Re: Just wondering?
Posted by Gnimia on Tue Feb 27 20:22:14 2001 (#3889)

i burn, break, and bruise, as well as cut, scratch and the rest. which is all i have to say here, except, its a lot harder to stop if you dont want to. And while i do hope you all do stop, you shouldnt be pushed into it.

Re: Just wondering?
Posted by blackrose on Wed Feb 28 02:25:15 2001 (#3907)

I do the same things...I burn cut bruise scratch...ne thing...it sucks...if u need some1 to talk to I'm here!

Cutting the time away...
Posted by Does it matter.? on Tue Feb 27 09:07:29 2001 (#3871)

Hey,I was reading some of the other posts and noticed the one about sometimes not being able to cry..I have this same problem.Sometimes I try to cry so that I won't cut but the tears won't come out so I cut to get the feelings out,or to subside them somewhat.But have also found myself cutting when I was just bored,nothing will be wrong but I will just do it because there isn't anything else to do. Does anyone else out there do this as well? Maybe I do it because of lack of self worth. Who knows. Well if someone else knows what the fuck im talking about feel free to post something back.

Re: Cutting the time away...
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 16:23:52 2001 (#3879)

I went through a stage where I would just cut because I was bored and had nothing else to do,so I found something else to do with my time. That tends to mostly be going on the internet and coming to this board. It may not work for you but maybe when you are tempted to cut just because you are bored then maybe you could try coming on this bored to take your mind off things. Just an idea but it works for me.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: Cutting the time away...
Posted by gnimia on Tue Feb 27 20:12:48 2001 (#3887)

ive done this too, especially when i am avoiding something else. to be honest, tho id like to stop, i think controlled cutting is a fucking great way to deal with shit. i think sometimes, i used to feel worse about doing it than i did about other things. once i got rid of the guilt, it got a bit easier.

i wont say good luck, cos luck doesnt come into it. xx

Re: Cutting the time away...
Posted by Strider on Tue Feb 27 21:23:10 2001 (#3892)

It seems like it's really a combination of things, not just not being able to cry, or just boredom, or just a felling of worthlessness. It can be all of them at the same time or just one. I know that with me, if I'm bored I really have the urge to cut. BUT sometimes that bordom can get me thinking about how worhtless I feel, and so on. You are definately right about the cutting to deal with emotions. It's like it seems to stadilize how you feel, I know that I've often cut because I felt TOO happy! It's screwed up, I know. If you need someone to talk too e-mail me or Instant Messanger me. On AOL my name is UndeadLine, and I can be found on the MSN one as well. Keep posting, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Cutting the time away...
Posted by Alana on Wed Feb 28 00:37:23 2001 (#3903)

This happens to me all the time. I have nothing else to do and I'm sooooo bored. When I'm alone I think. I think way to much way to hard way to fast. Its a lonely state. I try not to be alone like that as much as possible. Which is stupid because everyone leaves me, and I'm alone again. Its this vicious cycle, when will it ever end? And i also do the same as Colin, if I'm TOOOOO happy than I will cut. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just fucked up. Stay strong, thanks for talking. Alana

Re: Cutting the time away...
Posted by blackrose on Wed Feb 28 02:27:51 2001 (#3908)

I dont know y but I sometimes cut even when I'm bored too...and it sucks that I cant cry and stop cutting...e-mail me if u wanna chat or ne thing!

being numb
Posted by heavenleigh on Tue Feb 27 12:24:47 2001 (#3872)

I've been back on the full dose of my antideps after unsuccessfully trying to cut down. I now feel so incredibly flat, vaguely miserable in a way that I know if I try to stop it, it wont be there any more, so the sadness isn't real. I keep wanting to cut just to feel something, but its been so long now I think I've lost the physical habit, it not the mental trigger. Also I feel so numb I almost can't be bothered to hurt. The day after i went back on my antideps i was watching a TV programme about women in Rwanda who have aids because they were raped during the genocide in '94. I felt so awful, that I couldn't feel anything about it. I want to feel alive.

Re: being numb
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 16:18:44 2001 (#3878)

I know that a few people have mentioned that being on anti-deps does make ppl feel numb and I have just started anti-deps,(about a month ago) so I am worried about haveing the same feeling. I don't really know what to say to make you feel better except that this board is a place full of people who either understand, have been through the same or just want to help. Either way we will all be here for you.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

P.S. Well done on the not cutting.

Re: being numb
Posted by Ang on Tue Feb 27 18:41:52 2001 (#3882)

the numb ness is teh worrest i've been numb for so long i don't know aht to say i don't know if it will go away and if it does start to go away it herts so much to start feeling again u wanna go back to beeing numb hugs and kisses ang

Re: being numb
Posted by vaevindicus on Wed Feb 28 00:08:27 2001 (#3896)

That numb feeling must be horrible heavenleigh. I can only imagine what it feels like, though from your description it's more like an absence of feeling. Wow. Just remember that you are alive, don't EVER forget that!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: being numb
Posted by Strider, NOT vaevindicus! on Wed Feb 28 00:12:13 2001 (#3897)

Whoops! Should be Strider as my name. Sorry bout that!

strider...again
Posted by Suzie on Tue Feb 27 13:15:45 2001 (#3875)

haha, it happened again, cutting. so far that is 26 days. thats the longest in my life. now that new song by Bon jon vie is in my head, owell. well... today im going to my church to make stuff for a anual church dinner. and i have decided that i will tell him. i have decided to go early and takl to him and tell him everything, thinking that if he knows maby i can stop. out of shame? out of happiness? out of confusion? i dont know, but i just hope and pray to the lord that i can. thank you

Re: strider...again
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 14:20:13 2001 (#3877)

Hey, Strider We all have slip ups, that is what keeps us going sometimes. So it is all right that you had a slip up because whatever was going on at that time was bad for you and you used the only method of coping that you felt comfortable with. So don't feel bad, because for 26 days you managed so well, just make this time at least 27!!!

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: strider...again
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 00:16:33 2001 (#3898)

Oh well. That's OK. You really tried and that's what truly counts. So you're going to tell him, eh? Well, good luck and I'll be praying for you. I'm almost sure that he'll understand and will care. Be strong Suzie, you can do it.

love and prayers, Colin

Jess
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 14:14:06 2001 (#3876)

Hey there Jess. Is your uncle Matt a staff member or has he just been on expedition? I am asking because one of the staff there who ran the weekend was called Matt, and I was just wondering, with you saying that he does Raleigh, if he could be the same Matt as the one I met at the weekend.

Nicke. XXXX

Re: Jess
Posted by Jess on Tue Feb 27 20:46:39 2001 (#3890)

I dont know.His surname is Andrews.I know he has organized expeditions in the past.Most of the people in his group/s are fairly old.Not old but in their late 20's early 30's. I've gone totally off track now.

Jess

Re: Jess
Posted by Nicke on Wed Feb 28 13:33:31 2001 (#3915)

I'll find out, who knows maybe I met your uncle at the weekend!

I'm in pain!!
Posted by Someone on Tue Feb 27 18:39:48 2001 (#3881)

I'm in pain, please help me!! I cut myself everyday to feel better. I can't stop! I have nobody to talk with, have no friends, ..feel so lonely!!

Re: I'm in pain!!
Posted by Nicke on Tue Feb 27 18:56:59 2001 (#3883)

Then you have come to the right place. We here on this board know how you are feeling and will help in any way we can to help you to feel better. Don't be scared to e-mail me if you need to.

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: I'm in pain!!
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 00:23:36 2001 (#3899)

I'm here someone, I'm here. All of us on this board are. I came here having nobody to talk to and no friends to understand me, but that changed! Here you will find a whole load of people that care and understand. Please e-mail me, and I'm on the AOL Instant Messenger as UndeadLine, and I'm on the MSN IM as well, so if you see me online talk to me, OK? Keep posting and don't give up.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I'm in pain!!
Posted by blackrose on Wed Feb 28 02:33:00 2001 (#3909)

I know exactly how u feel..my friends stopped calling...I cut acouple times a day...everyday...e-mail me if u wanna talk.

Help and advice please
Posted by CeeCee on Tue Feb 27 19:46:52 2001 (#3884)

Someone I care deeply about is doing SI. Where can I go for support and help for them. I don't know how to deal with this and I care for this person so very much. Thank you for listening.

Re: Help and advice please
Posted by pixiedust on Tue Feb 27 20:12:13 2001 (#3886)

hi. you have to be there for this person. this person will need support and someone who he/she can rely on and confide in. you mustn't try to force him/her to talk to you but make sure this person knows you are there for them. try not to be angry at him/her because that will upset this person and make them feel worse. make sure this person wnows she isnt the only person who self injures as this person might feel very alone. maybe invite her/him too this board would help.

Re: Help and advice please
Posted by gnimia on Tue Feb 27 20:17:49 2001 (#3888)

The very fact you are looking for help for someone is an impresswive step. a lot of people want to turn away from self harmers, thru no fault of their own. depending on where u live there are often loads of support groups or phonelines to help. someone i know went to a bulimia group, even tho she wasnt bulimic, but cos it was all there was by way of help groups in her area. Pixiedust's advice is good, but you must be aware that they may not want you to be around, or fuss etc. i think Patience is the key. remember, most people do come out of thier depresions, tho it may not feel like it. xx

Re: Help and advice please
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 00:31:10 2001 (#3900)

Well CeeCee, you can check out the rest of the psyke web site (this one) and find out a bunc, but the best one I've seen is at www.envy.nu/slatted. It's incredible. Also, if your friend has access to a computer, send them here to post and e-mail! He/She will find that it helps a TON! I know it helped me.

love and prayers, Colin

Return from Doc's
Posted by Jess on Tue Feb 27 20:58:05 2001 (#3891)

I survived.I could of shit myself in there though.I told him how i was feeling-down,suicidal,e.t.c.He said if i wanted he'd contact a famly counsellor or summit.(i was so nervous i wasn't listnin)i agreed and he told my mum(with my permission) The thing is,i didn't tell him i SI.I don't know why it just didn't come out.He didn't want to put me on pill's,but if i feel worse and as if i cant go on i'm to go back and he'll consider putting me on summit. If i told him i SI do you think he would have given me pills?(any1?)

Jess

x

Re: Return from Doc's
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 00:37:08 2001 (#3902)

Hmmm.... this guy sounds like he's pretty good, like he he actually cares, so I think that you should tell him about the SI. What he'll probably do is reccomend some medication that will help, but if you say you don't want to take them, he'll more than likely help you in any way that he can. So I cay that yes, you should tell him! One question though, what's summit? If you go again, tell us how it turns out!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Return from Doc's
Posted by Alana on Wed Feb 28 00:41:18 2001 (#3904)

This is actually a good situation you're in. You can ease your way into telling him. When you are ready for him to know, and you feel that you can trust him. I remember the only reason I got therapy was because I self injured. I went in there with alot of what I'm trying to hide from the world spread across the table for everyone to see and disect. It was really hard. I didn't want anyone to know about what I do. But its just something that we have to face eventually. We can't keep hiding who we are. I hope I was a help! Alana

Re: Return from Doc's
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:13:33 2001 (#3942)

congrats to you!

dripping with blood......
Posted by lost and lonly on Tue Feb 27 22:24:02 2001 (#3894)

why do i do this???? i have just cut and my arm is covered in blood. why wont these feeling just go away??????????? why wont they just leave me alone? or should i just leave them all together and leave this fucked up nighmare of a life??? i mean what do i have going for me?? ill tell you what NOTHING a BIG FAT NOTHING!!! my mother hates me and i hate her, i dont see my dad often enough, my sister is a prying little cow and im just a bitch!!

Re: dripping with blood......
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 01:03:03 2001 (#3905)

Lost, you are NOT a bitch, OK? You are a caring person! And that's why this is all so hard, becuase you actually and truly care about things! Ever notice that the people who are really happy go-lucky are more often than not the same ones that don't give a rat's ass about anything? That's what you have going for you, you are a caring person! You are one of the elite that relizes the stupidity if things! And that's the hardest thing to be. And that's just ONE of the things! One thing that's for sure is that you shouldn't leave this life yet. Please.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: dripping with blood......
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Wed Feb 28 19:56:55 2001 (#3922)

"Sometimes, in order to survive in this world, a woman has to be a bitch."

That's not exactly the quote, but a similar sentiment was expressed in Delores Claiborne.

I think there is some inner strength in you - in everyone here. You can rely on that - you have that going for you. There is always a future. Nothing can change that, short of a nuclear war or Judgement Day.

As for the feelings . . . don't let them conquer you. You are the person: they are the insubstantials.

And feel free to tell me I don't have a clue what I'm talking about, because I run very much on a "Do as I say, not as I do" basis.

Re: dripping with blood......
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:15:35 2001 (#3943)

you are not a bitch, you never are, You mother just dosent understand, and neither dose your sister. im sure it will all be ok, i promise. email me renthead020@aol.com or instant message me at phishvisor

poem for the fuck of thangs :¬)
Posted by Weazle on Tue Feb 27 23:56:28 2001 (#3895)

Hey, heres another poem jus for the hell of it...i love y'all keep smiling and keep ya heads up.

I’ve taken my mind to pieces I’ve taken it apart But when I try to fix it I seem cant seem to find my heart

And I try and listen to the advice you give I try my best at trying But of all the arts, what I am best at Seems to be internally dying

It seems to be my talent Self destruction in all kinds of ways Hurting and bleeding & silently screaming Pain overtaking an unwelcome stay

My love is here and my hurt is there So close that they blur and become despair I’m so confused I don’t know what to do I make a mess of all that I do

I have been so foolish and useless I’m lousy at all I try It seems no matter how hard I push I cant even properly die

Why am I so co-dependent I think I’m not but I know Whatever I do whoever I hurt Hate follows me wherever I go

Re: poem for the fuck of thangs :¬)
Posted by Alana on Wed Feb 28 00:34:20 2001 (#3901)

You truly are amazing!

Re: poem for the fuck of thangs :¬)
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 01:08:54 2001 (#3906)

It seems like it's more than just for the sake of a poem. These writings of yours seem like your true feelings to me. But that's just my opinion. Either way, keep posting them.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: poem for the fuck of thangs :¬)
Posted by blackrose on Wed Feb 28 02:42:14 2001 (#3910)

love the poems...keep posting!

Re: poem for the fuck of thangs :¬)
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:16:44 2001 (#3944)

im printing this out

I hurt
Posted by Alana on Wed Feb 28 04:10:17 2001 (#3911)

Never before have I ever been in so much pain. My arms are so swollen. I can barely move. This has to stop. I'm coming to the end here. I can't take this feeling anymore. Everywhere hurts, and I can't get rid of it. I just have to live throught it. I have to be strong. But I don't know how to be. It's too hard. I need help. Help that I can't give myself.

Re: I hurt
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 08:28:25 2001 (#3913)

Alana, you do have to live through it, you will! Always live! I hope you're feeling better now.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I hurt
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:23:18 2001 (#3945)

the first step is relizing that you need help, which you have done. now you just have to talk to some one. we here, offer some help but its not as good as someone in person. you need to find someone near you, that lives near you. some one you can trust. i recently found that in my pastor, you, have to find help in anyone you can. you need to feel loved, you are, but you need to feel it, all the time.

God bless and good luck

<3 later <3

suzie

a SI poem
Posted by what's-her-name on Wed Feb 28 08:10:19 2001 (#3912)

Crash ~ You know the look that takes over your face right before you cut? The sweat on your lip the strain of the eyes - the hovering of your gut. Holding the steel between those two fingers that know just what to do. The amount of pressure to get the result and temporarily subdue. The crimson rises as you lick your lips in eager anticipation. You lick the blood that is dripping down without a moment of hesitation. Your eyes rolling back when the stinging occurs and you begin to tremble. Making sure nobody was watching you as you disassemble. It's all gone now, that pain that you felt. You left it on the floor. Now you notice you're starting to fade and you are wondering what for. Is this how to kill the pain that you feel - by cutting it out of you? Don't you see the torment you'll remember with all of these tattoos? The gratification is fleeting at best and then you're back at square one. Looking together will clothing that covers, but slowly coming undone. Hide the razor and swallow the secrets that crawl up through your skin. Don't forget to replace the cobwebs that guard your little sin.

Re: a SI poem
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 08:33:53 2001 (#3914)

Wow. You have somehow taken EXACTLY how I have felt every time I cut, and put it in a poem. Amazing.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: a SI poem
Posted by Nicke on Wed Feb 28 16:06:24 2001 (#3916)

WOW!!!!!! You have such an amazing talent like so many other writers on this board. KEEP WRITING

Re: a SI poem
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Wed Feb 28 19:39:51 2001 (#3919)

Right about the fourth line I got shivers up and down my back. I don't think I could stand to read that again. Hits a little too close to home perhaps - and that is very much a compliment.

Hello again my star clad freind
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 21:10:54 2001 (#3925)

How have you been Masque d'etoiles? Haven't heard much from you lately and I was wondering how things have been for you. Let us know, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Hello again my star clad freind
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Wed Feb 28 22:29:24 2001 (#3932)

[Throws her arms around Strider's neck and hugs him enthusiastically]

Someone actually asked about me!

Well, anyway, if you really want to know . . . I don't think I can describe how I've been doing. I stopped cutting for about a week and a half, mostly because I was feeling too apathetic. I've been feeling very isolated - I stopped attending Mass at the chapel because I felt like everyone was staring at me and I just didn't belong. God and I have been having a very one-sided relationship lately - He talks and I've forgotten how to listen. I've been considering seeing a councelor on campus, more because of my extreme procrastination and lack of motivation than anything else. Yesterday I decided I'd rather sew than be a lawyer. My head's been running wild, and I've pretty much lost control of myself.

Sometimes I wish I really didn't care about myself. It would be a thousand times easier than trying to care.

And the reason I haven't posted lately is because I didn't want to be a "downer." Everyone here helped me, and I'd rather return the favor than report my petty problems. I'm a better listener than speaker.

Anyway, I'm alive, and more frustrated with myself than depressed. We'll see how Lent works out. Thanks for asking, really. It made me honestly smile.

And if there's anyone else reading this, a few things:

someone mentioned Christmas music as a pick-you-up. I'd like to mention another suggestion: John Denver. Most people will brush this off, but I've found he always cheers me up, even though many of his songs are quite sad. I'm not sure why he makes me happy, but it usually works. (I've occasionally given a thought to posting some of the lyrics to "Eclipse" or "I Want to Live.")

Secondly, feel free to page me on IM as StarlightPhantom if you want a good laugh. Not that I'm especially witty, but my attempts to type on that thing are amusing. (Seriously, you will have to send a message to me - I'm too shy to just pop in out of nowhere.)

OK, I think that's entirely too much talk about me, especially for one post. Don't let me do it again.

Peace and sunsets.

Re: a SI poem
Posted by lost and lonly on Wed Feb 28 21:42:32 2001 (#3929)

that is on of the most amazing poems i have read recently. it was one of the ones i almost cant read as it hits so close to home. i had shivers up and down my spine as i read it, it was incredible it really was. So many of the people on this board write so beautifully, keep it up. Amanda

Re: a SI poem
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 02:39:37 2001 (#3939)

I love all the poems ppl post...keep um comin!

Re: a SI poem
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:25:12 2001 (#3947)

beatufile (i cant spell)

Re: a SI poem
Posted by Julia on Wed Mar 7 04:25:20 2001 (#4248)

I don't know you but I can tell that you area good writer. I think maybe you write from inside yourslef. I write things like yours all the time. Mostly everything I write is from the heart. Keep up the good writing. Maybe some day you ccould write a book for people like us!!

la la la la prozac grrrl
Posted by fran on Wed Feb 28 16:27:15 2001 (#3917)

la la la la I am a prozac girl drowning in her pills......................... ......

Re: la la la la prozac grrrl
Posted by Nicke on Wed Feb 28 19:43:29 2001 (#3920)

Hey there Fran, your back. Did you have a nice time where ever you went. (Sorry I can't remember where)

From your message it sounds like you don't want to be back!!

Stay strong, Nicke. XXXX

Re: la la la la prozac grrrl
Posted by heavenleigh on Thu Mar 1 11:37:47 2001 (#3963)

Hi Fran Glad to see you back again, I missed you, Hope your doing OK Love Sarah

let me know
Posted by fran on Wed Feb 28 16:35:42 2001 (#3918)

I've been away for a while. how's everyone doing. let me know...I can't catch up with all your posts. love fran how are you nicke and Jess and new ppl

Re: let me know
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 21:16:58 2001 (#3926)

You're back! So how was this last week for you? I want to know all about it. As for me, I've successfully stopped cutting (though I still want to do it from time to time. But really, how have you been doing Fran? Glad you're back!

love and prayers, Colin

Re: let me know
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:27:42 2001 (#3948)

IM BACK! again

Re: let me know- Strider
Posted by fran on Thu Mar 1 12:15:28 2001 (#3970)

wow susie ans Strider have come back. Strider I'm glad you decided to come back...you are a pillar. love Fran

Re: let me know- Strider
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 13:20:50 2001 (#4004)

I'm doing good, except that I cut last night for the first time in over 4 weeks! How was your trip away?

my not really a trip- sorry!!!!
Posted by Fran on Fri Mar 2 15:17:38 2001 (#4006)

it wasn't really a trip...I just didn't want anyone to worry because I wasn't up to posting...I took myself away. I did a bit of partying and things. I decided to start posting again though, afterall I'm always telling ppl to share there problems and then I go and disappear into myself. Love and rainbows franXXX

Oh oh
Posted by Jess on Wed Feb 28 20:55:58 2001 (#3923)

I cut again.I'm goin back to the doctors.I think i should be on summit (something)cos it's gettin too bad for me to handle.

Re: Oh oh
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 21:42:25 2001 (#3928)

It's OK Jess. If you really think that you need help that way, then mabey you should. It's pretty big of you to be able to make that decision on your own. I'm impressed. I hope taht you get what you need.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Oh oh
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:28:48 2001 (#3949)

oh i hope everything is ok for you, i honestly do. good luck with your doctor, and everythign will work out, it will i am sure of it

I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Ang on Wed Feb 28 21:05:16 2001 (#3924)

my back herts i'm tierd i'm beeing viagn for lent...oh boy AND my bf dosn't want me staying the nigh at his house oin sat :( and my birthday is on sunday how sad he's like "u can come up stterday and leave at like 5" ERRR whats that all about? i love y'all hugs and kisses ang

Re: I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 22:17:40 2001 (#3931)

Man, now that's a crappy combo if I ever heard one! Have fun with the veigan thing! And remember, if you don't eat a grain along with your vegeatable protien, you won't get any protien from it, it'll just pass through without being absorbed.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Ang on Thu Mar 1 00:55:00 2001 (#3937)

i'm eating SO much 7 grain bread no worries baby boy hugs and kisses ang

Re: I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:33:02 2001 (#3950)

if by viagen you mean not cutting i say go for it, i was trying to do taht, but i cant i dont think, but i can always try good luck and keep us posted

dripping with tears....
Posted by lost and lonly on Wed Feb 28 21:34:56 2001 (#3927)

hey, i am in a pretty shitty mood, i have been ever since i cut. i have been really down and it just seems like everything that could go wrong has. i cant stop crying at the moment its all i do. every where i look i see something that makes me sad so i cry and i cat stop. every thing i think of makes me upset or angry and i miss my friends at the moment(i moved house in september so i dont see them much anymore) i generally have a huge downer on life. all i know is that im here, living and m not going anywhere. i am now determind not to let this beat me i still think i dont have much going for me but what i do have, im going to enjoy (well try to!) when i post i find i usually ignor my advice that i have given to others and i think its about time i took my own advice and looked for the small amount of hope that must be here. im always saying that there is hope if you look hard enough and i want to find my ray of light and hold on to it.

thank you for listening Amanda

P.S i dont know what i would do with out you guys you have all helped me through such a hard time and hopefully it will end soon(the hard time not being here with you guys!) any way im kinda going on a bit now, but i just wanted to say thank you again.

Re: dripping with tears....
Posted by Strider on Wed Feb 28 21:58:57 2001 (#3930)

I'm SO glad that you want to get through this Amanda! The hardest thing I know of is taking your own advice, but It's great that you decided to! And I for one am very happy that I had a chance to help you! I so VERY hope that the end of your hard times will come soon. I don't like seeing you hurt, and I will be right here to help up until the end! (well, actually until I have to leave for the army, but you know what I mean).

love and prayers, Colin

Strider
Posted by lost and lonly on Wed Feb 28 22:30:16 2001 (#3933)

thank you colin each and every one of your words means so much to me. i am so glad that you have offered me your help, i think im gonna need all the help i can get! knowing that everyone on this board is there for me is such a relief and coming here has helped me so much in this time of pain. every time some one, anyone relpies to a post i have left it makes me realise that maybe just maybe i should be living in this fucked up world.

thank you so much

Re: dripping with tears....
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:42:45 2001 (#3951)

oh girl, i know how that feels, i felt alone, and lonely, i thought the whole world was out to get me. i used to cry for stupid reasons, my brother would call me a butt head and i would cry about that. thats how sad i was. i missed my friends, i thought they didnt know who i was i didnt know who i was. i felt corned out, like everyone was pointing a finger at me. i know how it is. i thought the only thing that understood was my razor. i would cut, and cut. i felt that people thought i was psyco, and that everything i do was wrong. that i was a mistake to be born. i wanted to die, i prayed to die everyday. i prayed to be granted that wish. i came THISCLOSE to death. than, i wasnt afraid of death. thats all i wanted. i felt that i was wearing a mask, and i was hiding from the world. my skin felt dirty. i wanted to cut it all off. i remember hiding in my room. begging that i would be sent away. begging to jsut get away. so i know everything that youi are feeling. and i know its hard, oh girl, it is so hard and i know that. but you've gotta be strong, you've gotta look SI in the face and scream "FUCK YOU BITCH" at it. you gotta push it aside and be stronger. be its bully. and you will beat it, you will, you can, you ARE going to. you just gotta love yourself and it will work out, oh lord, i promis this to you, it will work out

good luck and god bless

<3 later <3

suzie

I'm a new cutter...
Posted by sarah on Wed Feb 28 23:30:05 2001 (#3934)

Uh, hey people. I'm not so sure what to say but I stayed home from school today by faking sick and I'm bored as hell. Yup, I'm a new cutter. I've been this way for about a month and I just cut my wrist a few minutes ago. it hurt soooo much!!! oww! It bled a lot too. But I'm looking for tips on cutting so please e-mail me : )

Oh Sarah
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 1 06:01:44 2001 (#3958)

Oh Sarah, how about NOT cutting! That's the best tip I can give. Oh Sarah, please e-mail me and let me know about how you're feeling, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Sarah on Wed Feb 28 23:34:33 2001 (#3935)

Hey, I'm a new cutter. Please don't e-mail me lecturing how bad it is and why I should stop. I just need some tips on cutting like where and how deep and things like that. thanks, hope to hear from some of you.

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Thu Mar 1 03:23:39 2001 (#3946)

Sarah, darling, the very fact that you're saying you don't want to hear how bad it is indicates to me that you need to hear it.

It may seem like the most wonderful thing now, but that's why people try drugs too. Then sooner or later they can't live without it. It becomes the world - and a poor world at that. You're isolated and fearful of everyone, fearful of discovery. You forget how to live. You forget how to see.

They call it a secret shame for good reason.

It's not cool, it's not all that. It's trying to escape into another hell, that's all.

My only tip to you is to seek out someone you trust and to talk to them. Whatever your reason for cutting, I hope there might be some solution.

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:53:22 2001 (#3952)

masque d' etoiles is right. you feel that you want more, but possible its because the full load hasnt hit yet. a month. i remember what it felt like at a month, compared to now. it was so new, and i was so obsessed with it, it felt so cool, like i had this sence of power with in me. but its bad, its very bad. it can kill me if i let it. please do me a favor. read some post people have put here. you see that we all cut, but we want to stop, we will never tell you to cut, never. we want you to stop. soon , as you continue you will start to feel alone, than scared, than isolated. than you feel as if everyone hates you, hey, right here, lets throw in an eating disorder. after that you feel you need to cut deeper. and deeper. lets let you get caught here, you get shipped of to a hospital, or a counsler. you'll get put on meds that screw of your thoughts your body your sleep, they wont be you, they will change your thoughts, mess with your head. you will be a zombie, you wont be you. and forevere, the scars will follow you for the rest of your life. people will know what your past was. that you had that problem. everyone will know. this never goes away. so please sarah, PLEASE think twice befor you go further. think about whats happining to you now, and think what can happen to you, please be safe and PLEASE stop,good luck

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Fran on Thu Mar 1 12:00:49 2001 (#3968)

drugs don't leave you with scars and cutting does and it's bad but sometimes it's what you need. I wouldn't tell you to stop not ever...everything is up to you for you feel your own pain and only you know how oyu can deal with. It's not about a way to do it, cutting is about surviving and about how you feel, thats why cutters go deep. I cut when i have to , when I feel like shit, when I'm coming down from pills, when I hate all that I am. What I'm saying is I understand if you have to do it to survive, but it leaves a lot of scars that don't go away. Talk here first before you cut, sometimes talking helps. always here for you hun. Love Fran email me anytime

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Alana on Thu Mar 1 04:03:44 2001 (#3955)

Hey Sarah! I'm sorry to hear that you have started to cut. But I know so well, that it works and that yes its a temptation, that I can't even control at this time in my life. So to sit here and tell you that you're wrong and that you shoudln't be doing this and asking for tips would just be stupid of me. Cuz you are none of those things. But just remember that this isn't a place to come to get tips on cutting. Its a place for healing not harm. Its a temptation, some of us don't want to be tempted by triggering information right now on how to cut, where to cut, how deep, so on and so on. I know that it would hurt alot of us here. I'm sorry that you can't get what you want here, but you always have friends here that are willing to listen to what you have to say! Cuz it matters! Keep coming back and tell us how you're doing. Love and Light, Alana

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by lost and lonly on Thu Mar 1 19:59:11 2001 (#3972)

Sarah the only tips i can give you are think about cutting. i acn tell you first hand how hard it is to stop. when you first start it is the most amazing feeling, but after a while you start to hate yourself for doing it and hating yourself for not being able to stop. i started cutting when i was 11/12 and im now 14. i cant stop. i went for 1 1/2 months and then i cracked since that i have cut 8 times and the last time was last night. i hate living like this. im not trying to lectur you but i do want to tell you how cutting has made me feel so you can decide what you want to do for yourself. what ever you do i will be here for you. and i will never say i told you so if you get sucked in like the rest of us. every person here has a different story there are proberbly people here who will say that cutting is a good thing, but i know there are people who wish they could stop cutting. i know that if i had the choice of £1 million or the ability to stop SI then i would want to stop cutting. at one point in my life i hated myself so much i couldnt look in the mirror and all i though about was killing myself, death seemed like the only escape, and i wouldnt want any one to feel this way. all i can say is THINK about the decision you make as it will effect the rest of your life and how you view yourself.

hoping for you, Amanda

Re: I'm a new cutter, any tips?
Posted by Tara on Thu Mar 1 20:24:58 2001 (#3974)

hey girl.i hope that you lisen to all of us,because we all care about you and we know what you are going though right now.i used to be just like you are now.but it is not worth it.i have over 70 scars on my arms and legs.they are there for life to.all the scars are to me are reminders of all my pain that i was going though at that time.TRUST ME.it is not worth it at all.if you want to talk sometime,PLEASE e-mail me at the address above.don't hesitate to want to talk to me.i am here for you.

Your Friend,

Tara Butterbaugh

clouds
Posted by none on Thu Mar 1 00:40:36 2001 (#3936)

She floats among the clouds. This delicate painting undisturbed by the war in her mind. Tears softly make silver pathways down her face. She rests in this place of absolute silence. It covers her and enfolds her mind. She wakes and falls to Earth. Its open arms receive her. In fields of flowers she watches the children play. She feels the isolation of her exile. In this crippling sadness she turns away. Slowly making her way through a majestic forests of towering pines. This beauty reminds her of things she must hide. A little village with little houses surrounded by white picket fences lays before her in a lush valley. Blue mountains loom in the background. Night softly treads her way over them and covers this little town with her star covered gown. She still has a long journey ahead of her so she turns once again to her labor. She comes upon a house. Hers. She has already been forgotten by its contents. That's a good thing though. She wanders up stairs and enters the bathroom. The tub now white freed of her blood. I watch her leave fading into the silver mists of the forest. The memory of her in that crystal gown, blooding dripping off her finger tips making little red trails on her dress. A lost soul shunned in life and in death. I turn and get into the bathtub.

Re: clouds
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 02:45:34 2001 (#3940)

I love it...hey e-mail me sometime if u can I wanna ask u somethin!thanx Christine

Re: clouds
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:54:49 2001 (#3953)

thats simpley awing ( i dont know how to spell, sorry)

last respose to your poems, but let me explain!
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 1 06:36:49 2001 (#3960)

Well none, this is the last response to your poems that I'm going to write. Just let me explain! I absolutely LOVE your writing! It's amazing! And that's why it's hard to come up with responses to it. All of your poetry is so thought provoking that I can't desribe it, so I'm not even going to try anymore. I will ALWAYS read you poetry postings, because I love them, but I don't think I'll be able to say anything original! I guess I just suck as a critic, eh? Oh well.

love and prayers, Colin

Sarah...GIRL YOU'RE FUCKIN TRIPPEN
Posted by Ang on Thu Mar 1 01:00:31 2001 (#3938)

there is no waws in hell were gonan encorge u cutting the only thing we can really say is be safe don't cut to deep or top close to ur wrists but no were not giving u tips on how to be a better cutter HELL FUCKIN NO! hugs and kisses ang

Sarah
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 02:50:57 2001 (#3941)

Sarah, u may think that it's kool to cut and shit but it's not...everyone's lives in this message board that I know of have gone down hill...I cant even help myself ne more thanx to it and I have to admit to my psychiatrist that I've attempted suicide 5 times in the last 5 days now...and last night I came closer than ever...u know what they're gonna do...they're gonna take everything away from u, make u c ur psyciatrist everyday and make u an inpatient at a hospital cuz it's gone this far! if u knew what it was like u'd think 2ce! I hope u read this! e-mail me...I wanna talk to u! thanx! Christine

Sarah, girl, you gotta read this
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 03:57:57 2001 (#3954)

please dont cut yourself. i know i already posted to you, but i dont want another person to feel the way we all do here, we're all a family, we all know each others pain. TRUST ME, you dont wanna get in that shit. think twice. you will lose everything from this. the respect from people, possibel your family, and you could never be trusted alone again. think of whats up for lose, just think. girl please

Re: Sarah, girl, you gotta read this
Posted by what's-her-name on Thu Mar 1 05:22:48 2001 (#3956)

Sarah ~ It appears that you are living in what is known as the "afterglow" of discovery. Some swim on top of it, and others wallow in it... you appear to be a swimmer.... Take it from an old pro such as myself (going on my seventh year) WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! Do you really think this is how you would like to live your life? I will never be able to wear short sleeves because of all of my scars... my son will always wonder if it was him that made me do this, because of all of my scars... I will remember every little fucking rape, abuse, abandonment detail.. because of THESE scars. When I was anorexic, I looked up how to be more efficient at it.... even with bulimia... but you want to get better at bleeding??? Hm... methinks you don't understand the driving force behind SI... I think it's like being an artist... you either have the talent, or you don't... Hun.. be thankful that you don't have the talent... and find something better and more productive to do with your time. Don't end up like me. If you are seeking solace in SI... you are not going to find it. If you are looking to find yourself... it's not there. Try looking in the mirror and asking yourself why you are doing this. Are you bored? Stupid? Lacking control? Lacking attention? Then fix that problem. No need to add new ones. You probably don't care about what I'm saying, and I can't fix or save you... but just think long and hard about this... and after doing that... if you still want to SI... then go get a new brain, because yours is broken, my dear.

~WHN

Re: Sarah, girl, you gotta read this
Posted by Rhiannon on Thu Mar 1 05:48:08 2001 (#3957)

Okay, I have to agree with what's-her-name. You DON'T want to end up with a bunch of scars on your body that you put there. I have them and trust me, they don't go away. They fade eventually, but they're always gonna be there to remind you of how you felt when you put them there. It sucks. Needless to say, I have to wear 'protective clothing' to hide my messes. I haven't hurt myself in a month, but I'm still paying for the times I did. Do you want to look like that? Do you want those ugly, gaping scars in your skin? Plus there's always good old infection! Get that cut dirty and boom! you've got an infection. That means you may have to go to a doctor and let me tell ya honey, they don't take kindly to our kind of patient! Okay, you can call me a bitch and maybe I am, but it's the truth. It's called tough love and there's a reason everyone here is trying to get you to not cut yourself. We're not trying to be mean. Think about it, if we didn't give a shit, we'd tell you exactly how to hurt yourself. If it's the pain you're after, go get something pierced. Now imagine doing something to yourself that hurts that much over and over. Not too appealing is it?

Rhiannon *who usually just lurks*

Sarah, PLEASE listen to us!
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 1 06:16:12 2001 (#3959)

Sarah, none of us here are ever going to tell you how to cut. The reason for this is that we all care about you and want you to be happy! We may have never met you, seen you, or heard you before, but we all care about you and want to help. None of us here will EVER help you hurt yourself. If we did that, then we wouldn't realy care. Oh Sarah, PLEASE understand that we want to help you. PLEASE e-mail me and tell me what's going on. I want you to be able to stop the hurting. Not just the physical, but inside as well. You can Instant messenger me on the AOL IM (my name is UndeadLine), and the MSN IM. I'm pleading with you Sarah, don't get into cutting. It was the worst choice I have ever made in my life, and I will do all that's in my power to see that you don't make the same mistake I made.

love and prayers, Colin

cutter girl poem
Posted by what's-her-name on Thu Mar 1 06:50:41 2001 (#3961)

Cutter Girl ~ The razors gasp at the line they've drawn, Etched in the pile of dirt… The mind finds time to dull the pain, But the scars bring ghosts that hurt… Her body can't bleed enough, With the taste of newborn skin… The bricks built the dying hearts, But through the cracks the boy got in… The scars have covered the black and blue, Leaving nothing for the eye to define… After I leave you wasted and dry, The mistakes you let loose will never rewind… My linoleum skin has been left with scars, Trying to capture the first mistake… You bandage these with more confusion, With thoughts of more to take… But this life is silently worthless to you, My blood is not yours to own… You bleed with your flat knuckles, And I bleed the silence on the phone… Our God has left his number on you, As a debt to pay in our hell… You dance, you gloat, you promise pain, But you're oblivious in your own cell.

To all poets!
Posted by Strider on Thu Mar 1 07:22:37 2001 (#3962)

I don't think that I'm going to post in response to poetry anymore. Not because I don't want to read it! Because I find it hard to come up with the words to respond to poetry. Sorry! Keep posting it though, because I love reading it. ALL of it.

love and prayers, Colin

To Sarah, an apology
Posted by heavenleigh on Thu Mar 1 11:53:24 2001 (#3966)

Dear Sarah, It may not be my place to say this, but I'd like to apologise for some of the responses you've recieved off this board. People are right in saying we don't want to encourage cutting, but nobody here has the right to judge you. Poeple here are usually a lot more sensitive, I guess you've touched a raw nerve in a few people. From my experience it's a really supportive community.

So, Sarah, please come back and see the real face of this board. To everyone else, this is a SUPPORTIVE community, not a total authority on life etc. There are enough people in this world who are judgemental about cutting without us turning on each other.

Hoping everyone can now get on better, (another)Sarah

YUP- this board SHOULD NOT be judging
Posted by Fran on Thu Mar 1 12:09:50 2001 (#3969)

Amen...I think people are judging and they don't have the right. Afterall everyone on here has and does cut and telling someone to stop well...would you if others told you. when I first arrived here long before a lot of you we had sort of unwritten rules that you NEVER EVER TOLD people what to do, only offered advice. You can't dictate to people how to deal with their pain...because you don't know their pain. love the poem hevenleigh I have it in my poem book. love to you sarah too . email me anytim

Sorry if you think i was judging you
Posted by lost and lonly on Thu Mar 1 20:07:37 2001 (#3973)

i didnt mean to judge or dictate what you should do i just dont want you to end up like me. but i know it is your choice and if you want to ignore all of what i have said then i dont mind. but if you do continue to cut PLEASE dont cut to close to your wrists and not too deep. hoping for you, Amanda

Re: Sorry if you think i was judging you
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 21:28:43 2001 (#3976)

sorry to. but we werent judging you. like she said , we dont want to see another person begin the trail of torment that we each are currently on. I dont think you relize just what you are getting your self into. I want to wish you the best of luck, and i will always be avabile to talk if you want. about anything. how you feel, and i have gone through what you are going through right now. so i feel the pain right with you girl. although i will never tell you to cut, or how to cut, ill ofer words and help you cope. (cant spell) i just really want you to be ok instant message me at phish visor thank you

suzie

A poem I wrote- what do u think?
Posted by sarah on Fri Mar 2 05:28:33 2001 (#3997)

What do you expect from me? I’m not perfect And I know I’m not who you want me to be Do you even want me to be happy? The pressures you put on me Tear me down slowly

I can’t take the pain It corrodes my insides The blood drips as the tears dry up More anger then despair More wondering why you were never there

It’s been too long You wasted every single chance I gave you You gambled with my love You lost with my life Why did you do these things? How could you not care about my feelings?

I can’t take the pain It corrodes my insides The blood drips as the tears dry up More anger then despair More wondering why you were never there

When will it stop? How long will it take you to learn from your mistakes? Not that that matters I’ll be gone before you find out, Find out why I had to go Why I was so sad And why I was so damn mad

I can’t take the pain It corrodes my insides The blood drips as the tears dry up More anger then despair More wondering why you were never there

In the end all the pieces will come together You’ll see what I have been screaming about You’ll have no more doubts The blood on the floor is unmistakable The truth will be right there and you’ll get it if you’re capable

I can’t take the pain It corrodes my insides The blood drips as the tears dry up More anger then despair More wondering why you were never there

Re: To Sarah, an apology
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 22:52:45 2001 (#3982)

Sarah, sry if I judged u! it's hard for me to respond to someone wantin to start cuttin when all I wanna do is stop! if u wanna chat e-mail or im me! Christine

Heavenleigh, you're very right
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 03:20:04 2001 (#3990)

Awwwww man, time to bite into a big slab of humble pie and say sorry to you Sarah. Heavenleigh's right, I'm sorry if I made it sound like I was angry. It's just that I really do want to help. Sorry once again.

love and prayers, Colin

Humble pie
Posted by Fran on Fri Mar 2 15:11:45 2001 (#4005)

I love the phrase Humble pie....I think it's just great, it reminds me of everyone getting together in a warm kitchen eating imaginary pie....yup I know I'm strange...but being a freak is good.....we should all let our freakness shine through after all it's what makes us , us!!!!!!

On a happier note...
Posted by heavenleigh on Thu Mar 1 11:59:19 2001 (#3967)

Hi everyone, I often don't have time to read all your posts at the moment, so i haven't been responding mush lately. However, I would like to share some recently gained wisdom. You know that feeling where you really want to scream to relieve pressure but can't. I can't scream because I think it would sound really pathetic compared with what I envisaged, and one I'd tried I would have to go to any lenghts to make up for the ineptitude of not being able to scream properly. Anyway, if you hum really loudly on one note until your head kinda buzzes, its really satisfieing like you want a scream to be. Well it worked for me, hope it works for someone else too. Sarah

Re: On a happier note...
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 21:31:06 2001 (#3977)

haha, you know what i found that helps, though odd as it may seem, i found out oneday as one of those christmas songs was running through my head, if you sing it out loud, like as loud for the whole world to hear it, it will help, it really dose, honestly. and if anyone asks you whats up , tell them you really like x mass, hehe, welll bye bye

Re: On a happier note...
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 03:25:12 2001 (#3991)

This might sound weird, but I think I know what you're talking about. Sometimes when I get angry or frustrated to the point where I can't make sense of things, I've found that I hum alot, and it does work! If you find the right note, you'll get that buzzing Heavenleigh's talking about. It is quite strange though.

love and prayers, Colin

Rents
Posted by Jess on Thu Mar 1 19:37:33 2001 (#3971)

My mum + stepdad have deciced to tell my grandma + grandad about my sad shitty life.The whole lot cutting,sexual harassment,depression e.t.c They haven't been told b4 cos my mum was to scared of what they'll do to HER.The worst is they'll get at me.She is so selfish! Last night the dog was lettin off sum steam (runnin about) and she shouted at it sayin 'STOP IT THERES ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE LOSEIN THE PLOT WITHOUT YOU, I'M BESIDE MYSELF'(refering to me) how selfish is that? Also the day i'd been to the doc's she said to me 'I don't know what the doctor thinks of us as parents' selfish again! It just makes me feel like i shame the family, even more so now their tellin ma grandparents. I feel like shit.I can't get an appointment at the doc's till next week.I havent gone to school all week cos i can't face it.I really don't know if i can last till next week. I've gone on too much.Still i can't understand why my moms so fucking selfish.

Jess P.S i'm gonna wear a bandage on my arm for work cos i've cut.The public might complain if they see my cuts, i might spread my none existant disease.x

Re: Rents
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 21:36:47 2001 (#3978)

i do that when i work, wear the 10x3 bandaids. it helps because than people dont stare. and i feel comfertable. Some times i feel like that about my mother too. she's so pessimistic. and i feel like shame. she told me we havent had a family problem till me, im sure that makes me feel real great. i know how it is, but i dont go to a doctor. sometimes i wish i did, but otherwise i feel your pain, good luck

suzie

Re: Rents
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 22:58:02 2001 (#3983)

I know exactly how you feel...when I get out of w/my psychiatrist my mom always asks if we talked about her...she doesnt like me out of the house that much cuz she's afraid of what otha ppl would think of her if they saw what I was doin...I hate it! Christine

Re: Rents
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:13:13 2001 (#3994)

It's kind of hard to think about what's going on here. On one hand, your parents might actually care and and just don't know how to show it, so evrything gets screwed up when they try to. On the other hand, they might actually be selfish and only care about how it affects them. I can't tell you which it is, but it's one of those. Sorry, I know this has been of no help at all.

love and prayers, Colin

Goddammit!!
Posted by Weazle on Thu Mar 1 21:19:18 2001 (#3975)

Hey you guys i only went into to school for half a day today cuz...well cuz i felt like it ehehe but i saidi was sick. i got home and i found out my great grandmother has just died :¬( i wasnt that close to her but im the eldest of all the grandchildren and i know that she thought the world of me and i cant help feeling bad somehow and i dont know why. my family must think im so cold, i didnt cry i didnt even seem sad, but inside its really got to me. i just physically cant cry...this morning i cut myself again, 4 little straight cuts on my leg...and i burnt anothger pagan star next to it...today has just been majorly shite. yesterday my good friend got in a fight, and my friend is being bulied and shes absolutely suicidal...i wanna scream i just feel like gettin the the biggest sawn off shotgun woohoo just blow all those assholes away....well...a girl can dream. i just kinda wanna.....i dunno. i dont wanna die. i just wanna disappear. its such a taboo at school to have a psychiatrist or counsillour or whatevers....everyone thinks your so weak to get one....but i want one...but my mum would throw a fit so im trying to get one during school hours and ill keep it quiet you know....cause i think it could really help me y'know.....what do you guys think about counsillours and psychiatrists etc? I just feel so lonely, sometimes i feel like im gonna freak out and it starts in your tummy and goes up your spine until you have to sort of either scream or break something....i hate it. it nearly happened in school today, if it did i probably would have throw a bunsen burner across the room. oh well. i wanna sleep non stop. need dope, need lighter, need stanley knife....my life is complete.

xxxxx

Re: Goddammit!!
Posted by Suzie on Thu Mar 1 21:44:53 2001 (#3979)

oh i know how that feels to feel that way. i felt that way everydo, still do as a matter of fact. i used to wish i would dissapear to. i wish i would be left alone all the time, with my razor, my bed and my journal. thats all i needed, thats all i wanted. DAMN! i have to go out now so i cant finish this i will later

Re: Goddammit!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:27:11 2001 (#3996)

Sorry about your grandmother, Weaz. About you getting mad at people bullying your friend, I have the same feelings. When someone would bully me I wouldn't even dream of hurting them, I would cut. But when it came to someone I care about, I would love the chance to absolutely BRUTALIZE whoever hurt them. It's screwed, I know, but what can I say? I wish I could take away those feelings of loneliness. I know tha I'm not ther in persn and it's not the same, but know that I do care about you.

love and prayers, Colin

crashing at work
Posted by liz on Thu Mar 1 22:34:58 2001 (#3980)

stripes-blood stripes-running up my hand. Why are x-acto blades so damn tempting? Why doesn't anyone here in this office of 100+ people notice? Because they would rather not be bothered. 1 year ago today I swallowed 23 Aleve and had a heart attack. I was so scared I swore I'd never do it again, but now I'm not so sure.

Re: crashing at work
Posted by nameless on Thu Mar 1 23:36:24 2001 (#3984)

dont do it!

Re: crashing at work
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 00:44:22 2001 (#3986)

oh dear, dont do it, dont stand the chance of risking a beatufil life again. those people at you work dont know, dont know what its like. you gotta ignor them, work past them. it will be ok, everything will be ok. good luck,

suzie

Re: crashing at work
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:38:21 2001 (#3998)

Well, try not to do it again Liz. Please. You're right about the people at work, the don't see because they chose not to. It's easier for them to stay in thier little bubble of oblivious bliss that way. That's what happens when they don't care. One thing I will tell you is that I care, and so does everyone else on this board. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing, OK? Also, instant messenger me when you can. My AOL IM name is UndeadLine and you can find me on the MSN one as well.

love and prayers, Colin

A new week
Posted by liz on Mon Mar 5 18:09:41 2001 (#4145)

Thank you for your messages. The first thing I did the following day was check to see if anyone had responded to my initial post because I was desperate to know that somebody out there heard me. And you did. I've had a difficult time finding a place like this on the web, somewhere to be in touch with other people who share similar feelings. I feel a bit more stable today so I figure I ought to get some work done. I'll be in touch. Thank you, liz

Stop and think
Posted by Alana on Thu Mar 1 22:42:37 2001 (#3981)

Hey everyone! It's march 1st. I believe that its national self injury awareness day. I just thought that I would let you all know about it. I thought about all of you today. Hoping you were all safe! Aww man. A year ago tomorrow will be my one year anniversary with SI! I don't want to think about it. Proud that I made it here today. Very proud. Love you all, Alana

Re: Stop and think
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 00:46:34 2001 (#3987)

it is? i never knew that, thank you for telling me, we're all proud. every single one of us is proud

Re: Stop and think
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:42:28 2001 (#3999)

I'm going to admit it and say I forgot! I know, Sorry! Put down that stick, please! Anyhow... I wonder if it was publicised? I know that there was no mention of it here. Oh well, we all know. Hope you're all doing good!

love and prayers, Colin

OUR DAY!
Posted by blackrose on Thu Mar 1 23:42:08 2001 (#3985)

I'm soo happy I made it to c today becuz this is the day USA network shows my fav. movie...it's called "secret cutting" if u didnt know. and it's about this girl that cuts herself...I dont really know what to say right now I just got bored...I hope everyone has a chance to see it! Christine

Re: OUR DAY!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:50:14 2001 (#4000)

Actually, I have seen that movie! Yes, we get actual shows up here in the great north of Canada! I thought it was AWESOME. I would like to see one staring a guy so that my side of the species could relate better to the main character, but oh well. Movie is still prime.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: OUR DAY!
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 13:16:09 2001 (#4002)

I live in England so I havent seen that movie and probably won't!

Re: OUR DAY!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:03:22 2001 (#4024)

thanks, that movie was so good, it gave me a new look on cousling, i feel like katlin did about thearapy, but thanks ALOT

sorry i was so insensitive
Posted by sarah on Fri Mar 2 02:28:17 2001 (#3988)

hey everyone. i apologize for being so insensitive on another post i left. i just want to say that I really regret starting to cut. i would defintely take it back if i could...but i'm addicted now. But hey, wish me luck because I wrote to my doctor telling him about my depression and suicide attempts and cutting so I pray that he can help me. one of my best friends is interested in cutting and I will do anyhting to convince her that it is not a good idea and it truely does not solve your problems and it doesn't relieve me as much as it used to.

Re: sorry i was so insensitive
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Fri Mar 2 03:48:54 2001 (#3992)

You might send her to read my response. ;-)

One more lesson on why I really shouldn't be allowed to attempt communication . . .

Anyway, congrats on opening up to your doctor . . . a letter sounds like a good way to do it. I might have overreacted, but most people here are a lot calmer than I am. I am sure they can give better advice than anything I could offer.

I hope your friend makes the "right" decision.

Re: sorry i was so insensitive
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 06:31:42 2001 (#4001)

Don't worry about it Sarah. What happened (with me anyway) is that I saw a person who was just getting into cutting and my main concern was to try and stop it at whatever cost. Sorry. I'm VERY happy that you told your doctor about yourself, that was VERY brave of you! I would never have had the guts to do that. If you want some help with your friend, tell her to e-mail me and I'll talk to her if you want. I'll do what ever I can to help prevent another person from cutting themselvs. Pease keep posting, OK?

love and prayers, Colin

Re: sorry i was so insensitive
Posted by lost and lonly on Fri Mar 2 19:05:59 2001 (#4011)

WELL DONE for writing to your doc. i could never ever do that, it took me a year to tell a soul that i cut and then i nearly backed out. you are so brave. dont worry about the fact that you cut, as we will all be here for you. each one of us knows how you are feeling so dont feel as if you have to face this on your own.

all the ppl here are really good listeners and offer great advice. i only came here recently and i am so glad i did. i think if i hadnt come here then i might not be here to tell you this.

dont ever think you are a bad person or anything like that just because you cut. i used to hate myself so much i wanted to die, but that is no way to think, i would advise you to try and stay positive about your self as it will help you to get through the hurt and anger that you are proberbly feeling right now. i have felt that pain and i know how soul destroying it can be.

Good luck and keep hoping for yourself Amanda

Re: sorry i was so insensitive
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:10:21 2001 (#4025)

aww sweetie, dont say that. many times out emotions get the better of us, read past posts and you will find that out. Me, and im sure other people who just worried. though we showed it oddly enough. we didnt want another person to go through all the pain we had gone through. i just want to let you know that i feel everythign that you do. i know how it is. and if you ever need to talk i will be here to talk to you, any time, either email me or instant message me at phishvisor i think that we are even the same age, im 15. well talk to me please. tootaloo

suzie

faded
Posted by none on Fri Mar 2 03:01:54 2001 (#3989)

A faded child sits in the corner. The bruises speak for her. Backed up with no where to go. All she has is the guy standing over there. She hugs herself and you see the scars of a broken heart. It hurts her so much to get up and fight. She's grown acustomed to her status in his eyes. Lowly and worthy she must beg for scraps left from the table. She's the fragile kind. All broken on the inside all she has left intact is what's on the outside and thats looking a bit grim. A patchwork of her feelings worn on her wrist not her sleeve. No where to go but back to him.

Re: faded
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 16:53:57 2001 (#4008)

WOW!!!!

Re: faded
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:12:29 2001 (#4026)

yet another one of the fine masterpieces produced and viewed at psyke, thanks for another entry into my journal. (i print out alot of the pomes here)

suzie

PLS some body help me
Posted by Ang on Fri Mar 2 04:47:27 2001 (#3993)

i can't be alone tonight i gave my self to him a went against muy religion my fait my belifes i gave him my hert my soul my worl was him and know he leaves me 3 days befor my birthday i swear to god i've never wanted to die so badly befor in my life, it herts so much my whole body is shaking and aches uncontrolably i've never cryd so much oh god i don't wanna die

Re: PLS some body help me
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 05:16:11 2001 (#3995)

Ang, listen to me. I will be on all night, so PLEASE IM me! I'm here.

Re: PLS some body help me
Posted by Someone on Fri Mar 2 18:51:49 2001 (#4010)

don't give up live !

Re: PLS some body help me
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:15:01 2001 (#4027)

email me at: Renthead020@aol.com instant message at: phisvisor

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 13:18:05 2001 (#4003)

I've lived to see my 17th birthday which is something I haven't wanted to do but oh well I will try to enjoy it!!!!!

Nicke.

Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Posted by Jess on Fri Mar 2 20:52:43 2001 (#4015)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR NICKE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU! Love Jess

Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 21:10:10 2001 (#4018)

Please do enjoy it Nicke. Try and find the joy in your life. Happy birthday!!!!!

love and prayers, Coiln

Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Posted by lost and lonly on Fri Mar 2 21:31:39 2001 (#4022)

WELL DONE for surviving this much. i know what it is not wanting to live but you have and you should be proud. and a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY from me. Love and Hugs on this special day, Amanda

Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:18:07 2001 (#4029)

if you live in america , thats 365 days till you're legal!! lucky you!

happy birthday

suzie

BEAUTIOUS DEATH, HOW I WANT THEE!!!!
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 16:48:45 2001 (#4007)

I feel so all alone! I want to cry to let it all out but can't. I am obssesed with death and dying. Everything I ever had to live for has gone and the more I think about it the more real and logical it becomes. Everything hurts. Every inch of my very being is crying out for something to take away the pain. Last night when I cut for the first time in over 4 weeks it didn't make any difference. What do you do when cutting no longer works. I always write Stay strong on the end of my messages but now I feel like such a hypocrite, because I cannot stay strong. I feel like I am breaking that if I slip of this thin line between life and death that I am walking I will surely shatter into a thousand tiny pieces and of which side of the line I will land I know it isn't the side everyone wants me to land on. I have tried to end the pain and suffering in so many ways. Counselling, Suicide attempts, just trying to forget about things. None work. I want the final goodbye. The end is in sight. The light at the end of the tunnel swells up, bigger and bigger until I am blinded by its inevitable beauty. Oh sweat death, how much I want you, you will never know. Even now whilst sitting here writing this message, my eyes try to cry but I just can't. I am hurting so much. The pain is worse than David's touch when I was 7 years old. The pain is worse than the fists of my mother, father, anyone, striking me down with every touch. The pain is tearing me apart and I don't want to be pieced together again because I will surely shatter upon trying. So happy birthday to me. Today marks the first day of another year of torment and torture. I must have been a wicked...wicked...evil, twisted person in my last life.

Nicke

Re: BEAUTIOUS DEATH, HOW I WANT THEE!!!!
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 21:24:26 2001 (#4019)

Nicke, listen to me, please. Don't end your life. You are NOT a hypocrite. When you get to the point where cutting doesn't help anymore, you know it's time to stop. And it is. It get's very dangerous when you can't feel it at all anymore. I don't want to lose you Nicke, none of us here do. Try and hold on, please. You are not, and never were, an evil person. Since I've been on this bard you've been nothing but loving and helpful to everybody. Try and hold on Nicke. Try.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: BEAUTIOUS DEATH, HOW I WANT THEE!!!!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:23:37 2001 (#4030)

sweetie i know how that is. you just gotta take one day at a time and slowly this feeling will leave you. just take each step, one day at a time, im sure it will get better,. goodluck

the resalts of last night
Posted by Ang on Fri Mar 2 17:21:01 2001 (#4009)

okay colin o i never caled the hospitoial but i taked to kris fo a long tiem and i was no good but oh weli kept orgeting to breath i'll never do that again i wanna die coiln i can't do this anymore ang

Re: the resalts of last night
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 21:29:09 2001 (#4021)

Hold on Ang, plese. Talk to me tonight OK? I'm so glad you're alive. I was so scared. Try and hang on Ang, please.

love and prayers, Colin

I love you
Posted by Anonymous on Fri Mar 2 20:32:25 2001 (#4012)

I see you in your pain, I want to help but can't, the words I love you don't work anymore.

Was it I that caused your pain, was it I that closed the door, the words I love you don't work anymore.

I would give anything to help you now, I would do anything, anywhere, anyhow, the words I love you don't work anymore.

I want to talk, to understand and to help and support, won't you talk to me, and help me understand your final resort.

I will never leave you, I will always be here, I will always love you each and every year, I will always be waiting for you to tell me why, I will always stand by you while I silently cry.

The words I love you don't work any more, but I will say them and say them until you open your door.

Re: I love you
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 20:44:53 2001 (#4013)

Wow. We have yet another talented writer on this board. Talent scouts would have a field day. LOL!!!!

Nicke. XXXX

Re: I love you
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:26:33 2001 (#4031)

welcom back anonymous, ive seen you here befor! thanks for the pome!

Re: I love you
Posted by Ang on Sat Mar 3 03:34:24 2001 (#4045)

good lord child u made me start cryig again its so butiful though thank you

Hate
Posted by Jess on Fri Mar 2 20:49:16 2001 (#4014)

I hate my mother ,I hate my fucking brother ,and i hate my lonely life.I told the doctor i cut today and he literally threw it all back in my face.I've had a seriously shit day and can't think straight.I fucking hate my selfish,know it all, done it all,slag,assfucker,me me me MOTHER.I wanna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jess

Re: Hate
Posted by Nicke on Fri Mar 2 20:58:30 2001 (#4016)

To say that you are angry right now would be an understatement!! Sorry, I'm a big believer that laughter is a healer. What has your mother done to upset you?

Nicke. XXXX

Re: Hate
Posted by Strider on Fri Mar 2 21:35:15 2001 (#4023)

Arghhhh, why are people such morons when it comes to understanding SI?!?!? These people that say things like "lighten up!", or "your an idiot" all need to be smacked. It's even wose when you have to live with people that don't understand! Don't give up yet Jess, not yet, and not ever.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Hate
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:30:27 2001 (#4032)

mothers do suck sometimes. but they always do. mothers dont get cool once you aged past 8 and until you are like 23 or somthing. they are a drag all durring those 15 years. possible try finding a new doctor, if it dosent work out. i dont think a doctor should do that, maby hes good, or maby you're viewing it all wrong, its all on opion, well good luck

suzie

Re: Hate
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 2 23:09:38 2001 (#4035)

Jess, dont worry too much about it...my mom does the samething...my sisters r a pain in the ass, and my bro can b the most annoying person! I wont even start w/my dad! if u need to talk im me I'm always here! Christine

Info
Posted by New kid on Fri Mar 2 21:06:00 2001 (#4017)

I am new to this board. All of these messages are so amazing. Where are you all from, and how old are you, hopt I am not to nosey. Just wondering if I fit in. See ya, New kid

Re: Info
Posted by lost and lonly on Fri Mar 2 21:28:44 2001 (#4020)

I live in Devon (UK) and im 14 i have been cutting for 2/3 years and at the moment im trying to stop (im not diong to well though!!!). how old r u and where are you from? Amanda

Re: Info
Posted by Jess on Fri Mar 2 22:16:37 2001 (#4028)

I live in Derby (said darby) UK.I'm 14 and have been cuttin/SI for 2/3 years.Quite like Amanda.It doesn't matter what your like i'm sure you'll fit in.What r u like?

Jess

x

Re: Info
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 22:32:57 2001 (#4033)

im from Scotia (Ny, u.s.a) and im 15. ive been cutting for about 3 years. ummm, i love writing and music, and i would love you hear your infor, how about it

Re: Info
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Fri Mar 2 22:57:02 2001 (#4034)

[exclamation which I decided to omit]

Please tell me you're not talking about Scotia, New York, outside of Schenectady?!

Re: Info
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 23:43:33 2001 (#4038)

yeah, scotia glenvill, next to schenectady and amsterdam, Home of the (terrible) scotia glenvill Tartens. I take it you're from near here?

Re: Info
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Fri Mar 2 23:57:10 2001 (#4041)

Scotia-Glenville Class of 2000 - got the diploma and the ring to prove it.

And don't knock the Tartans. ;-)

Re: Info
Posted by Suzie on Sat Mar 3 00:45:57 2001 (#4042)

my brother was in your class, he just graduated last year!

Re: Info
Posted by Masque d'etoiles on Sat Mar 3 00:57:16 2001 (#4043)

Woah, wild. Umm, since I have a feeling we're probably boring everyone with this, do you want to IM me? I should be on now - StarlightPhantom.

Re: Info
Posted by blackrose on Fri Mar 2 23:12:39 2001 (#4036)

hi, my name is Christine...I'm from Ma,USA! I'm 14yrs old and have been cutting for just about 2yrs now! I'd like u to know that everyone here is goin to except u the way u are and we'll all try to help u as best we can to get through this! if u wanna talk sometime u can IM or e-mail me...my sn is twistedpsycho13@aol.com Christine

Re: Info
Posted by Ang on Sat Mar 3 03:36:20 2001 (#4046)

hi my name is ang i'm 17 and from california

Re: Info
Posted by Strider on Sat Mar 3 05:21:39 2001 (#4048)

Well, My name's Colin Marlow, live in Canada about two hours away from the Michigan border. I'm 19 and started cutting when I was twelve. I stopped for two yers but started again on my birthday. I've stopped again with help from the people here (thanks everyone!), and I hope wwe can help you as I have been helped.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Info
Posted by Davina on Sat Mar 3 10:22:11 2001 (#4050)

I am Davina, I am 15 years old and live in Belgium. My feelings of self-hatred started 4 years ago but I've only started cutting 2 years ago. Before that I started fights because I liked to get injured. I don't know why I liked that. Sometimes I just ask to my friends if they would hit me but they just look at my like I am insane. And maybe I am.

Davina

Re: Info
Posted by Nicke on Sat Mar 3 11:15:48 2001 (#4051)

Hey there, I'm Nicke. I'm 17 and I live in a place called St.Helens Which is near Liverpool in the U.K. Don't worry aqbout fitting in. I felt like that at first but everyone here are so accepting that this feeling soon disappears!!!!!

Re: Info
Posted by Someone on Sat Mar 3 12:15:47 2001 (#4054)

Hi ! I am 22 and from Belgium,I was 18 when I start cutting myself. Now I'm trying to stop but it isn't easy! cutting yourself feel so good. I hope you dont think I'm to old for this. lots of love Vicky!

Re: Info
Posted by ALANA on Sat Mar 3 13:46:55 2001 (#4055)

My name is Alana Bourke, I'm 16 and I live in Toronto, Canada! About 9 hours away from Colin :^( I have been cutting for a year yesterday.

thank y'all
Posted by Anonymous on Fri Mar 2 23:17:55 2001 (#4037)

Thank you My dear friend For showing me I can see Thank you My sister My brother My something in-between Thank you I’ll say it again For being everything to me Thank you For all of your support And helping me to just be Thank you all For proving That I can be something if I try Thank you all For pushing me When I thought that I would die Thank you all For giving me Inspiration to live Thank you all For showing me How good it feels to give Thank you For giving me Your time and patience ( I know its hard) Thank you For putting up with my selfishness (which I’m trying to discard) Thank you For giving me strength To carry on through lonely nights Thank you for helping me Stopping me give up the fight And thank you For continuing As I hope u surely will To care for me And help ‘Til I’m finally over this hill Past this upward struggle And standing on top of it all Help me to try to feel happy In the end Help me not to fall.

(copyright)

Re: thank y'all
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 23:45:32 2001 (#4039)

gosh. golly. thats really good!

Re: thank y'all
Posted by Nicke on Sat Mar 3 11:18:11 2001 (#4052)

You're welcome! LOL!!!!! That is really good!!!!

self mutilation through out the world
Posted by Suzie on Fri Mar 2 23:53:31 2001 (#4040)

self mutilation in

german: Selbstverstümmelung french: mutilation d'individu Spanish: mutilación del uno mismo Italian: mutilazione di auto Portuguese: mutilação do self

i thought that was kinda interesting, send me stuff and i will traslate it for ya. well ta ta, byebye

Re: self mutilation through out the world
Posted by Nicke on Sat Mar 3 11:20:52 2001 (#4053)

That is pretty interesting, however I prefer the term Self Harm as it doesn't sound so gory. I wonder if that would still translate the same in another language.

Nicke. XXXX

Messed up!
Posted by Alana on Sat Mar 3 02:49:51 2001 (#4044)

Guys, I did something really stupid. I got messed up on a lotta stuff tonight. I need to cut right now. I didn't think this would happen. Awww man, I'm going to hurt myself

Re: Messed up!
Posted by Strider on Sat Mar 3 05:17:45 2001 (#4047)

Oh Alana, it always seems that's what happens when doing things like that. It never seems like it's going to happen until actually does. I'm here for you if you need me.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Messed up!
Posted by sarah on Sat Mar 3 07:30:50 2001 (#4049)

Hey, I know it's hard and you probably have this huge urge to cut, but please don't. try to be strong. Well, I mean don't think I'm telling you what to or not to do but I like this little cutting community now. We can help each other and talk to eachother and share advice. All I can say is cutting doesn't solve or help problems, it just creates or worsens them so be strong and try to with hold from doing it. : ) Tell me how your doing I would love to talk to ya.

Re: Messed up!
Posted by lost and lonly on Sat Mar 3 21:09:23 2001 (#4063)

Alana, i know what thats like, that urge to cut, it eats away at your insides, but try to resist it. You CAN restist it, look deep within you soul and find that inner strength its there somewhere if you look around you'll see it. it can help you, it might even give you that little bit of extra strength that you want to get you through this and into a world with no self hate and no self harm(how good would that be?!?) if you find your inner strength you will be able to do anything you want.

Good luck Amanda

Re: Messed up!
Posted by marie on Sat Mar 10 21:38:20 2001 (#4465)

I hope you will not hurt yourself. Please. I am one who is just trying to overcome my urge to cut. You need to get involved with activities and get your mind off of it. Basically, don't be alone. A lot of drama happened with me hurting myself and i know exactly how it feels. You need to talk to someone and talk to me if u want instant message me at ibttax but ask who it is first b/c its not my computer take care and remember you are not alone`

Re: Messed up!
Posted by Suzie on Sat Mar 3 21:54:42 2001 (#4066)

aww sweetie. it will be ok. its hard right now, i know, its so hard. it will get better. it will. i know life sucks so bad, but you gotta think about the goods of life, just hang in there, it will be ok, i promis

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