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Threads 751 to 800

FUCK THIS
Posted by Ang...SUCKS! on Sat Jan 13 06:40:51 2001 (#2697)

FUCK THIS SHIT i give up i gut i donno what happed but all of a sudden i was like OMG i need to cutt and was no longer on cloud nine :( oh well ang

Re: FUCK THIS
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Sat Jan 13 07:11:55 2001 (#2698)

You and me both baby.....

Love, DB

Help
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 08:08:27 2001 (#2699)

I am so drunk and depressed. I saw him at the bar he was picking up the blonde bimbo that works at the bar I was at he started talking to me I didn't want to seem upset. So I faked being nice. i started crying and my friends got me outside. I am so drunk. I hate myself. Everyone thinks I am beautiful but me. I rather be dead. Help!!

Re: Help
Posted by laura rose on Sat Jan 13 08:12:32 2001 (#2701)

I love you, hon.. that's all i can do, is love you..

~laura

Re: Help
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 08:15:00 2001 (#2702)

Thanks sorry I am so drunk, That means alot.

Re: Help
Posted by Late on Sat Jan 13 08:31:10 2001 (#2705)

I am alive don;t worry. I will stay taht way for my family and friends.

Messed up
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 15:31:06 2001 (#2714)

I was so drunk last night that I couldn't spell anything. My name is Kate not Late. I am so embarrassed. Well Bye!

Re: Help
Posted by Strider on Sat Jan 13 08:26:30 2001 (#2704)

I'd rather you be alive...please..

Re: Help
Posted by Fran on Sat Jan 13 12:25:55 2001 (#2710)

Are you on antideps? they make being drunk so much worse. I went out with that guy and all his friends on his last night and it was awful seeing him , knowing he was going , knowing he didn't really care. The bars , the clubs I drank so much, couldn't walk. I was so deppressed, he left and I got out of the car and I cried and cried. It feels like shit kate I know . You can email me anytime although I don't know how to make it better. Do you feel like if you were beautiful then he would want you, thats how I felt, it didn't matter how many other people said it, he left and that said it all to me. Well you know what even though I don't believe it myself , you are great and you are stunning and it's him NOT you and I don't know how guys think ,even with aLL THE psychology books I read, but he's probably not even thinking!!! he's probably thinking with his trousers which doesn't constitute as thinking. If I lived nr you I would take you out to a guy hotspot and I would show you how many guys would kill to go out with you, and not just thAT but also care about you as a person. email me girl!!! love ya From Frannybabe (as some of my friends call me!!!!!!!!!!!) P.S don't do what I do, when a guy goes for someone else instead of me, I take as an instant sign that I'm not thin enough that I must be thinner. I look at m,y weight and I know I should be thin but I don't see it, so maybe if I can't see that I ccan't see my beauty either. Think about that . Bleh! as Bae says I don't know what to say except Bleh!!!. Bye

Re: Help
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 15:28:58 2001 (#2713)

I feel like if I was a different person he would like me. I am not antidepressants. I think I need to be careful not to drink as much. Last night I was so drunk it was so hard to type. I typed my name as Late instead of Kate. Thanks for being there. I wish we lived in the same area too.

Whyisit...?
Posted by Strider on Sat Jan 13 08:19:02 2001 (#2703)

Why is it that tha day after feels like hell on earth? It's worse than before. It always is. Before last night it was about a month to a month and a half. Before that it had been a year and a half. I thought it was gone. I guess it's something you just controll. I pray that it can be completely conquered. I'm a newbie to this site but I pray that we all can stop completely.

Re: Whyisit...?
Posted by Suzie on Fri Jan 19 03:48:58 2001 (#2945)

it was like that for me too. I started 5 years ago. and stoped in fear. Than started again, than stoped. Right now i have been cutting non stop for almost a year. and that is the longest time i have ever. Like you im a newbie here to. I have visited it alot, but never added to the board. I felt i was diffrent, and that i wasnt like us all. And now i have relized, that i am like others, and that im not alone, though i feel so alone that i want to die. i know im not. Like you i too pray, and my prayers havent been answered. But i know that someday , they will

Re: Whyisit...?
Posted by tara on Fri Jan 26 01:30:43 2001 (#3181)

It always feels that way. I should know. You can not give up. I know it is a struggle,but it will get better.Just give it some time.You can't solve your problems over night.If you could than it would not still be here.Just hold on and keep your head up and never,never give up.

your friend,

TARA

Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Fran on Sat Jan 13 12:40:03 2001 (#2711)

There's this really good new band called JJ72. They have a single out in Britain called October Swimmer which is fab. But the song that caught my attention was one named 'Bumblebee' the lyrics as follows 'fadeaway into the dust again and i will see what i want i sing my sad songs and i hope forever denounce the spears thrown by mourners cherish the fears and wait for death' aren't those words ..well I can't think I the word... I recommend the album (if you like rocky songs with lots of guitar and bass and drums that is)

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Michaelo on Sat Jan 13 15:28:43 2001 (#2712)

I've got it, and it is good, yes.

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Suzie on Fri Jan 19 22:09:47 2001 (#2966)

i live in america, where would i be able to get that cd, i have never heard of them. hmmm

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by butterfly on Sat Jan 13 16:20:37 2001 (#2715)

i don't have the album but i'm going to see them play on the 30th of January :)

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Fran on Sat Jan 13 17:44:36 2001 (#2717)

where are they playing ? where are they playing? Fran says in her phoebe from friends urgent voice. I live in gloucestershire , so places like bristol and newport etc are near me

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Butterfly on Sun Jan 14 00:39:02 2001 (#2726)

If you go to this web page: http://www.nme.com/NME/Externa l/Gigs/gigsMain/0,1519,,00.htm l

then in the bit where it says who's on tour? type in JJ72 and click on search and all their gig dates should magically appear :)

I think they are playing in Bristol on 3rd of February.

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by Michael on Sun Jan 14 17:20:55 2001 (#2744)

I've seen them 4 times, and the bass player in my band was in the band that supported them on an early British tour. I'm not one to boast mind...hehe

Re: Get this album!!!!!!
Posted by rachel on Sun Jan 14 20:32:52 2001 (#2748)

heya,

im going 2 see them in cardiff(wales) is any one else on the board seeing them there? it 2 weeks friday. the album is very good.

x.x.x

I"M BAKKKKKK!!!!
Posted by Cheze2 on Sat Jan 13 17:37:40 2001 (#2716)

sorry i was gone for so long guys! long story, but i got in trouble cause remember when i said i cut kinda bad that night? well my parents found out, searched my room and i lied to them about a bunch (about 100) razors and some weed, so i was off the comp for about 2 weeks! but hey! so how have u all been!???

-ME-

Re: I"M BAKKKKKK!!!!
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 22:18:05 2001 (#2720)

Its nice to here from you. are u okay? I have my ups and downs. Well talk to you later.

Nice moments ;)
Posted by Nuni on Sat Jan 13 19:41:09 2001 (#2719)

I hope everyone is doing well. I havent been around. You know how things go you are havinga nice moment with someone you care about, ...and then you are suddenly reminded that the person you are with is trying to hurt you somehow. harsh words start flying, objects going everywhere....arghhhhh...and then the nice moment is gone and you find yourself in the pit of despair....darkness consumes you and then you temporarily cure your numbness with a cool blade. Slice...nice moments. Only we can take us there.... Hey about we have another reunion at "HOME"... DB, Laura, bring your poetry and Laura "Aunt SARAH CD's" How about it? Fran start the hot cocoa...Hugs, Nuni

Re: Nice moments ;)
Posted by Kate on Sat Jan 13 22:29:19 2001 (#2721)

Who is trying to hurt you? Are u okay?

Re: Nice moments ;)
Posted by Nuni on Sat Jan 13 22:57:27 2001 (#2723)

Im okay, its my mother. She is gone now moved away. I can begin my life, without fear of being judged.

An Accomplishment?......
Posted by Nyt Myst on Sat Jan 13 22:47:58 2001 (#2722)

I have gone a month and three days without cutting, evreyone is congratulating me, but is it really an accomplishment?

Re: An Accomplishment?......
Posted by Nuni on Sat Jan 13 22:58:53 2001 (#2724)

YES, it actually its. You have found ohter ways to cope and handle your feelings. Whatever has triggered you before, isnt now. I am so happy for you.

Re: An Accomplishment?......
Posted by Strider on Sun Jan 14 05:51:31 2001 (#2731)

YES,YES, a resounding YES! Whenever you can go without cutting it's great! People are congratulating you because they are glad to see you OK, so congratulations!

prayers, Colin

Re: An Accomplishment?......
Posted by Nyt Myst on Sun Jan 14 22:16:47 2001 (#2752)

But with everyone praising me, I feel more obligated to stop, but for the wrong reasons. I was once told by a very good friend that I can't stop for anyone else, that it has to be for me, no one but me. I beleive that, but what they all don't understand is that I stil have the urge everyday, that it's constantly nagging at me. I'm still fighting it, a month and 4 days.

adventures in the e.r.
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Sun Jan 14 02:17:51 2001 (#2727)

So, I went to the emergency room this evening......no biggie. It wasn't for cutting. I sort of lost my mind for a few hours and had to get something to calm me down. I had a bad day yesterday and cut myself, did I post about that? not sure..... anyway, today has been one big crying fit after another. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown and who knows, maybe I am... I really don't care. I was digging my nails into my arm and my aunt had to pull my hand away. I couldn't feel a thing the whole time. The doctor upped my paxil to 50 mgs and gave me a sedative. I didn't show them the cuts or anything. I told a nurse and he looked repulsed. I did show him my arm where I scratched with my nails and he didn't say anything. Get this...they asked me if I wanted to be COMMITTED instead of ADMITTED!!!!

Love, DB (who is currently slipping into the 7th circle of Hell.)

Re: adventures in the e.r.
Posted by Strider on Sun Jan 14 05:31:39 2001 (#2729)

As you slip down there I'll be here to do what I can to try and catch you, but if it gets too bad you can take my hand and Ill go with you'. No one should have to take that journey alone.

prayers, Colin

Re: adventures in the e.r.
Posted by Nuni on Sun Jan 14 08:08:02 2001 (#2737)

Hi DB, I hadnt realized you werent doing well. I think nurses need to recognize what kind of people we are. How do you feel about them upping your meds? I hope you are ok. Im still here hanging out. I hope I can do something for you!! Luv and Hugs, Nuni

Re: adventures in the e.r.
Posted by Fran on Sun Jan 14 11:27:14 2001 (#2738)

Thinking of you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. Thank you for posting ...it's so worrying when people don't post. Hold in there free spirit partner. Love Franny

Re: adventures in the e.r.
Posted by laura rose on Sun Jan 14 16:48:08 2001 (#2743)

Hey hon.. well, you and I have already talked about this... check your emails... Hm.. You know I love you.. and I hope you get yer arse in gear and make a move... I'm thinking of a place one the west coast... borders canada.. and it rains a lot... ok, ok... I'm being selfish.. no matter where you go, we all know you can't stay there.. and I've got the room to take ya in if you ever need me to. I love youuuuuuuu!!!! Hehe.. and so does hersh... He wants to see you too...

~laura

is 2 weeks really a long time?
Posted by Cheze2 on Sun Jan 14 04:54:10 2001 (#2728)

hey, since i've been caught and such, and my parents are looking/asking if i cut that day i haven't cut for 2 weeks,....this is the longest i've gone in about 6 months...the thing is though, i just feel so much of nothing that i feel nothing to be able to cut like...i'm too depressed to cut, like i'm too worthless to even be able to punish myself anymore...sad isn't it? oh well...sorry.. i'm not in the best of moods without my cutting...

-mE-

Re: is 2 weeks really a long time?
Posted by Strider on Sun Jan 14 05:36:04 2001 (#2730)

Any time that you can go without cutting is great, but please don't return to cutting. Keep it up!I'll be praying for you.

prayers, Colin

Re: is 2 weeks really a long time?
Posted by Fran on Sun Jan 14 11:30:57 2001 (#2739)

being numb is the worst of all, no motivation left. no point . I often feel inside I am an endless void. 'It's the nothing that is everything that keeps me up at night' -beautiful and dying. Nothing...wasting away

Hmmmm??
Posted by Ang on Sun Jan 14 06:09:47 2001 (#2732)

okay sop today i basicly felt like shit all day and figured out why i HATE to drive...i don't like to be alone with my self! kinda scary huh any ways i'm on a little high right now because me and my boy just mnade a date for tusday YES!! i'm so happy were seeing more of eachother 2 weeks is a long time for most but d\for me its not lovew y'all ang

D.B!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Fran on Sun Jan 14 17:22:24 2001 (#2745)

Dear DB I wanted to add an entry to your 'Things to live by' on your site. Its this 'FOLLOW YOUR HEART' I think I have some others but I'll let you know another Love Franny

Re: D.B!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Mon Jan 15 01:33:21 2001 (#2758)

Thanks Franny. I love you alot and I love your thing to live by. e-mail me any others youhave and I'll put them up when I get around to updating the site.

Just to let everyone know, I feel better today. Not great but better. I'll get there cause I'm too damn stubborn to die right now!

Love to ALL of you, DB

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU LOST!!!!!!
Posted by Fran on Sun Jan 14 17:26:48 2001 (#2746)

Where the hell are you Lost? , please keep coming. I'm getting worried. I feel like I know you but I don't ...I don't know anything about you...your name ?. Well thinking of you . Fran P.S can you mail me because I don't know oyur email address because you never post it

FRAN
Posted by Nuni on Sun Jan 14 20:47:19 2001 (#2750)

Fran, check the past(months back) posts, her e-mail will be there. ok, bye, Nuni

i cut again last night
Posted by lost and lonly on Sun Jan 14 18:54:02 2001 (#2747)

i just cant stop doing it, i want to stop but my body takes control and there is nothing i can do to stop the blade from sliding over my skin. i think i really need help. but i dont know who to turn to, who to ask for the help i need. my family doesnt know the only person who does is my best mate but she lives in london and i live in devon, so there is no one to help me. U R LAST HOPE

Re: i cut again last night
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 15 02:05:13 2001 (#2760)

It's so frightening when that happens. It's almost like a different person enters your body and does these things while all you can do is watch. And remember, we're here to help you as much as we can.

prayers, Colin

my poems
Posted by lost and lonly on Sun Jan 14 21:32:16 2001 (#2751)

here are a couple of poems i wrote bout SI: standing alone

INNER PAIN

inner pain dark,cold the wind surrounds me emotion too much i cant cope it hurts my body takes over auto-pilot kicks in the blade is cold as it slices my skin the blood glides out it warms my body relief no more pain i am no longer alone i have comfort FOR NOW.

no-body understands as i stand here i shout and scream but no-one hears im on my own rejected and abandonded cold and scared pain hurt and anger all emotions i hate but emotions i endure i live with how to cope? how to survive? i found my way relesing the hurt the pain a simple cut a small slice a drip of blood but no more pain its gone not forgotten only memories remain

thank u 4 listening amanda

Re: my poems
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Mon Jan 15 01:38:50 2001 (#2759)

ever notice how cutters are great writers? Look at Laura and Neal and man, who else.....everybody here is so great at writing. I think it must be the pain that pushes all the words out of us. Beauty comes from pain i suppose....

Loving you all, DB

Re: my poems
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 15 02:15:27 2001 (#2761)

Very powerful. I came as close to feeling your pain as possible, without actually being you. Keep posting and know that we care.

Re: my poems
Posted by Cheze2 on Mon Jan 15 05:48:55 2001 (#2765)

I think that when people write, the only way it will be good is if you can feel it, if it is surging through your veins and you can't let go of it, because then others will feel it too, and that's what i think makes good writing.

Re: my poems
Posted by Cheze2 on Mon Jan 15 05:51:06 2001 (#2766)

lost, you definatly write beautifully, i really hope that your okay, sometimes you worry me, if you ever need someone to talk to, just to say hi or whatever, IM or E-mail me (cheze2 AIM) e-mail ^.

-ME-

barbie culture
Posted by diy destructor on Sun Jan 14 22:35:02 2001 (#2753)

he hit so hard I saw stars he hit so hard baby I saw God and I went down put me on a pedestal baby I'll go down on it I love you always forever the first crush object that I can never ever forget because I fell for you and I'm safe and sound but then I hit the ground baby it's a long long way down and it doesn't get any easier it never gets any easier random random falling words I'm bruised from you I'm bruised as fruit but still taste so nice look twice tell me what should I do when I'm drunk and bruised look at me I'm disgusting I'll never look like barbie barbie doesn't have bruises or scarred arms or medication. wouldn't that be funny little miss mcclean mental patient barbie with shit hair and bags under her eyes prozac and a paper cup and then theres the babe barbie dream psych ward all the little beds lined up being tended to as water at least she’s not alone loneliness has followed all my life but barbie the bitch she has skipper and the baby and the other girls that no-one knows the names of and fuck she has ken I want ken even though he has a shit name and his legs fall off ken can be the doctor and he'll rescue her from herself and pull her from the window ledge it's like a bad movie its kevin costner honey and I can't remember the name of it I can't remember the name of the film and you're a million miles away do you know that i told somebody that i loved you and at that time i knew i loved you even though i couldn't possibly let myself i couldn't let you love me honey dear diary i was standing at the bus stop today and i knew that i shouldn't be thinking of you i shouldn't be thinking of you but babes i can never help but think of you and you muddle in my mind with some other beautiful boy some abstract beauty in my head that has no form a bubble so pink and so pure and so beautiful and i got on the bus all wet with rain and daydreams and i glittered boy i glitter for you even though you're not looking somebody else was he was looking and i was thinking of you baby i was thinking of you this is nothing this means nothing but it means so much more than people realise it's just hard to put this stuff into words but i'm trying and look what comes out dear diary i was lying in bed this morning clear cellophane suffocating my eyes and my mouth and i was still thinking even though i wanted it to stop desparately i want my thoughts to stop i want my head to be clean from love and hate and everything and tomorrow morning i go to see my doctor and she tells me the same things as last time and i make the same empty promises but i know that nothing stops the pain like those little red pills i'll only take a few just enough to knock me clean and make them stop i'm all messed up and baby i'm only seventeen and i try to blame you even though you are the only thing that makes me smile your voice so rich and so sexy that it gives me butterflies now that sweet nausea that makes me want to hold you so close that you can't breathe and i feel so guilty because i don't know i just always feel guilty and it makes everything worse and i'm not making any sense beloved sweetheart why does this always come out rambling why is my life so stream of conciousness I need to become a person like other people if you understand then call me and I wrapped all your letters in elastic strings of pink hearts they're in my shoebox in this shoebox with my diaries and all my pictures I only have a few I don't have one of you you cant have one of me but you can have all of me you're so fucking beautiful sexy swimming pool blue I pull your hair and you hold me down I want it again but violent kiss me violent more violent bashing lips and bam I bite you bite your cheek and there’s salt in my mouth now red and stained and I'm sorry but you love it and you're wild and your eyes are mad swimming pool blue…

fragile
Posted by neal on Sun Jan 14 23:46:30 2001 (#2755)

You probably don't want to waste your time reading this, I have tried to be a good, productive worker/consumer but things keep falling apart. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe in and out. There is a constant buzz in my ears everywhere I go, like insects humming, it is a complete head fuck, I want to tear the flesh from my arms, I want to gouge out my eyes, its a completely self destructing fully consuming hate that burns inside of my skin, an itch that can never be healed, a wound that never closes. I look around and all I see are dead people, I drive my car and its as if I'm stationary and the world is being revolved on a giant treadmill. No matter where I go I get nowhere and nothing exists but a grey dead feeling like yesterdays hangover. The feeling of the walls closing in on me, the idea of being on an out of control fairground ride spinning faster and faster and faster and no one can get off. But before there have been releases, drugs, alcohol, bleeding, yet every one outgrows its uses, you still end up dead and empty and alone, lying in a bathroom stall unable to move, unable to speak, just pick me up and throw me away, I'm no use to anyone I don't even exist anymore. I close my eyes and I am invisible, hiding in a corner, hidden from prying eyes and curious stares, I just lie here and wait for the enevitable, lost in my thoughts, drowning in my own disgusting sorrow. So here I lie, trapped in my own self pity, I am left with no way out. Somebody pick up the dirty blade beside me and rip open my throat, let the blood spill over your hands, Im just too much of a coward to do it to myself.

Re: fragile
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 15 00:41:22 2001 (#2756)

I love you, neal.

~laura

Re: fragile
Posted by heavenleigh on Mon Jan 15 17:18:51 2001 (#2772)

Please try not to think of yourself like that. I know we all do sometimes but its not real. You write so beautifully, everyone here is beautiful even though it hurts sometimes.

Re: fragile
Posted by lost and lonly on Mon Jan 15 20:31:50 2001 (#2778)

i know its been said but your writing is so beautiful, i can relate to it but also i dont want to, i know that may sound wierd but it's just that i wish those feelings didnt exist. that will never happen but if we help each other we can all survive together.

amanda

Re: fragile
Posted by Nuni on Mon Jan 15 22:34:17 2001 (#2786)

Neal, i have been so worried about you. I am glad you posted. You havent replied to any of my e-mails. as long as you post here I know you are doinf alright. You are not going to burden me if you e-mail me. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE it. You brought insight into my little world from the few times we exchanged e-mails. WRITE ME !! I am glad you are around, I love what you write as long as you maintain some hope YOU ARE NOT ALONE~!!!! Love and HUGS, Nuni

Re: barbie culture
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 20:51:25 2001 (#2779)

'.......one by one they all fall down I look at him and drown'

*Love you Helen and your words*

NUNI!! I had a dream about you..
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 15 01:31:15 2001 (#2757)

Nuni... I had such an awesome dream about you last night... you came in to my room (coulda been Canada)... and you were pregnant... and I was soooo happy for you.. Hm... Just wanted to let you know. =)

~laura

Re: NUNI!! I had a dream about you..
Posted by Nuni on Mon Jan 15 04:10:48 2001 (#2763)

OH my GOD Laura, That is so awesome. Thank you for sharing that with me. Maybe just maybe this time it will come true. I love you sweetheart!! Hugs, Nuni

pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by stef on Mon Jan 15 03:30:10 2001 (#2762)

Hiya, just a MAJOR request: if anyone can help me a million on my dissertation by filling in my questionnaire on self-harm i would be SO grateful. I have experienced self-harm myself, so i'm not one of those researchers who linger around like a bad smell.

you would all be doing me such a favour! i can send it to you as an attachment (or if you prefer e-mail - please let me know)

either reply to this e-mail if you would like me to send you a copy (it's not long honest!!) or better still send e-mail to:

stefandango@aol.com

thanks in advance!

Stef

Re: pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by Cheze2 on Mon Jan 15 05:44:43 2001 (#2764)

i'm bored, i'll do it. e-mail me it

-ME-

Re: pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by Nyt Myst on Mon Jan 15 19:06:16 2001 (#2774)

I had people do survey once, you learn some really nifty stuff. I'll help you, go ahead and mail it to me.

Re: pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by rachel on Mon Jan 15 19:30:47 2001 (#2775)

yeah ill do it 2 if u want 2 send it 2 me.

Re: pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by kayla marie on Tue Jan 16 00:21:25 2001 (#2788)

i would like to answer your questionaire

Re: pleeaasse do my questionnaire 8-)
Posted by Christine on Tue Jan 16 03:16:26 2001 (#2793)

Sure send me one!

i'm getting desperate
Posted by Cheze2 on Mon Jan 15 05:58:16 2001 (#2767)

2 weeks and i'm going crazy, i went to my grandparents house for dinner tonight and i went in their bathroom and searched for anything to harm myself with, cept about the only thing that looked appealing to me was a razor which was already in use, and i thought that would be too obvious. i really need to cut, and it sucks because i really honestly love this guy named will, we've known eachother for years and have gone through everything together, and i told him that my new years resolution is to stop cutting, and he was all happy, and now...i just wanna say screw it like all the other times, but i feel like i will let him down, and i really don't want to hurt him. just a little something....just one razor, i'll even sharpen it! hehe ok ok i know i'm pathetic, but oh well...anyways sorry this is a bit lengthy love yas!

-ME-

Re: i'm getting desperate
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 15 09:58:07 2001 (#2769)

Try to keep it up, please. As a member of the opposite sex, I'm pretty sure that if Will loves you (and from your post, it sounds like he does) then his main concern is that you're alright, not that you broke some promise. I know that if my girlfriend SIed, that's all I would care about. Keep up the fight though!

prayers, Colin

Cutting in other peoples bathrooms
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:13:49 2001 (#2780)

(..if only all guys were like you Strider...sadly they're not...and most don't give a shit.) I've cut at other people's houses. Once at a party. The other time was in september I'd been clubbing (a judgejules set) taken speed . we got back to this guys house, I was coming down really badly. Got into the bathroom rooted around for a razor blade and made a wide cut in my thigh. I'd never touched my thighs before only my wrists. I looked down at the floor there was blood all over the white tiles of the wonderful ensuite bathroom. The razor was also covered in blood . The thought of anyone finding out was awful but I managed to cover my tracks wash the blade off. Before I'd always wondered if I could control it but I think this showed that it isn't always possible. Sometimes you need it to survive and you need it at that moment. It quite horrified me that I could do it in other peoples houses. I need to feel the pain of cutting, it's become part of me. I would do it so much more if it didn't scar, I would cut so much deeper. When I see the flow I am almost transfixed by it, It's almost as if I'm high. Cutting myself so all the pain flows out with the blood. I don't know if I actually want to stop cutting.....I like pushing myself to see how far I will go. 'make me scream make me bleed'

FOR FRAN
Posted by NUNI on Mon Jan 15 22:38:49 2001 (#2787)

You just expressed what i go through. We were at a New Years party and I found glass on the bathroom floor. I had been drinking and I usually get a little sad when drunk I love it (weird) anyway, I picked the glass off the floor and cut my arms stomach and even my thighs. I had NEVER cut my leg either. That freaked me out... I thought I could control it too. I mean damn I couldnt even wait fot the NEw year to roll around, ... OH Franny, Im glad you shared. I too feel out of control! Hugs, Nuni

OH!
Posted by Cheze2 on Mon Jan 15 05:59:44 2001 (#2768)

OH! and Laura rose! i'm really glad ur back! cause when i was last here a few weeks ago you had left the group for a little bit, but i'm really glad that you came back, it wouldn't be the same here without you.

Re: OH!
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:16:02 2001 (#2781)

SO TRUE SO TRUE. Thanks for coming back Laura (p.s If you hadn't come back I would still have emailed you EVERYDAY..there won't be any escaping me)

just things.
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 15 10:15:49 2001 (#2770)

It's been two days. I wrote this before I went to bed last night, and just want to get it out. How I was feeling is all. Thanks.

The cuts the cuts the cuts the pain the pain the pain it returns it returns it returns. The demons times seven. Empty patches on my arms dying to be filled, made complete, metamorphosed into the beautiful, smooth, perfect scar. Small pieces of perfection on such an imperfect body. Smooth, so very smooth to the touch. The touch, the feel, raised above, bubbled, lifted above. I must stop. The pain, the pain, the pain, the cut and pain no more. To see it fill with blood. Empty, full, empty, full. The taste of the blood, like a rotting steel, a decaying iron. The release, the snap in the wire that binds. The shackles of love, hate, and the infinite variations beetween. Now nothing. A flat, straight line of white in the black of nothingness. Level. Perfect. Unchanging. Unyielding. Traveling undisturbed. Until attacked. The lne veers, turns, twists, writhes in pain, in all directions at once, climbing and falling at the same time. Destroying itself. God help me. Jesus please heal me. The shame, the guilt, the anger, the rage. But then...the cuts the cuts the cuts...

Re: just things.
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:20:31 2001 (#2782)

I lose myself in words like these.....I am obsessed with watching blood flow. I wrote an untitled poem about it a while back. This how I want to go. Opening my veins in my bath letting the blood surround me....I can't think of a better way to go.

crime and punishment?
Posted by heavenleigh on Mon Jan 15 17:09:42 2001 (#2771)

Does anyone else feel that SI is sometimes a punishment for saying stupid things, being in the wrong place etc. Whenever I open my mouth and something totally inane or thoughtless comes out I want to cut to get away from feeling so stupid, to feel powerful and in controll again. I just got a re-mark for an essay (in my BA History course)which I knew was great when I wrote it, but the markers thought I hadn't answered the question directly. The mark I got was a high 2:1, which is really good, but it feels like a failure that I didn't do better. It isn't my parents or anyone putting pressure on me, I just want to be perfect, but can't.

Sometimes I think that externalising hurt, by displaying it to myself through SI is a kind of purifying ritual, to become clean and empty inside.

Thanks for being there, feels good to be able to say this rather than going home and tormenting myself.

luv S.

PS does anyone know what happens if you stop taking anti depressants suddenly?

Re: crime and punishment?
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 15 20:05:56 2001 (#2776)

I COPMLETELY understand. When I cut I often find myself saying how stupid, useless, and pathetic I am, and constantly reminding myself of situations in which I made myself look and feel like a complete moron. It is a way punishment. A way of giving myself what I feel I deserve. And you're very right about that last statement, it is MUCH better to come here and vent, because we all listen, care, and understand. I had a friend who suddenly stopped taking anti-depressents, and she was OK for a while, but soon after there was a huge backlash of depression, so I don't know if that would be a good idea. Stay safe and, as hard as it is, try not to be to hard on yourself.

prayers, Colin

Re: crime and punishment?
Posted by Dr. Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:30:15 2001 (#2783)

I punish myself by cutting... I want to feel the pain..I deserve it. It's hard to communicate that to those who don't understand. It's not a good idea to suddenly stop taking anti-deps..you can feel anxious, disorientated, restless, nauseous, shaky and experience loss of concentration. It's not dangerous as they tend not to be withdrawal symptons but rather uncomfortable. Instead they recommend you gradually stop by reducing by a small amount. However I believe it's a good idea to take them even if they don't seem to be working...just in case. There are so many types aswell but I'm not a doctor so you should go to him or her aswell. Love Fran. P.S What did you think of Trigger Happy?

Re: crime and punishment?
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 07:04:14 2001 (#2815)

I saw your post and went and found trigger happy, and I can say that there are a lot of things going on there. I get a sense of loss when reading it. That and a feeling that SI has helped fill a void in yourself. I don't know if that's the feeling behind it, or if I missed the point completely, but that's what I got.

prayers, Colin

fran
Posted by heavenleigh on Tue Jan 16 17:10:06 2001 (#2822)

Posted on "trigger happy" when I first saw it, and I still love it, Keep writing grrl!

why me?
Posted by lost and lonly on Mon Jan 15 20:24:14 2001 (#2777)

some times i wonder why i cut. i mean its not like i have it really bad, some people live in awful conditions and then ther's me living in my warm house and sleeping in my comfy bed. so why do i cut? and what scares me is that i dont know the answer and i dont know the solution. what is it that drives a 14 yr old girl to harm a body that she was blessed with. it's not like im megga pretty but im not deformed or any thing. i just wanted to think of a reason but i cant.

Re: why me?
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:37:17 2001 (#2784)

There's always a reason.....somewhere deep down inside. And this place deep down inside is hard to find. People can spend years trying to find that place, they take to the road, or take to expanding their minds.

I wonder if we do ever find it..... I hope I one day find what I am looking for. Don't be so hard on yourself Lots of Love Franxxxx

Re: why me?
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 00:36:17 2001 (#2789)

I feel the exact same way, my dad asked me the other night, are you happy? and all i could think of is why shouldn't i be? except i am miserable... it just doesn't make sence. it's confusing how someone can live the best life ever, and still be miserable. well...we all have our ups and downs, but what makes mine any worse? ya know? i don't..oh well, enough of my senseless ranting

-ME-

Re: why me?
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 05:17:31 2001 (#2802)

I wonder why I cut too. I think we all wonder. Sure, theré reasons like depression and the like, but what's the cause of all of it? I can't say for sure. I don't think anyone can say for sure. It has nothing to do with whre you come from. Look at me, I come from a pot smoking home of seaperated parents. My good friend Lither (can now be reached on this board) comes from the exact opposite life. It's internal. It's the unexplained feeling of self loathing. Take me for example, throughout highschool I was scrawny, very, so bettween my cuttin gesions of self loathing I started lifting weights. Fast forward five years (I'm in grade thirteen, at 19 years old) and now I'm in grat shape, I can do 18 chin-ups, but I still hate myself! Where is the logic behind that! It's insane. It's all internal. Try and keep up the fight not to SI, and remember that we care.

prayers, Colin

'Look @ the stars& how they shine for you
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 15 21:52:35 2001 (#2785)

'Look at the stars and how they shine for you'- coldplay. In Canada the stars are shining. There's one shining for me and it's stellar(star of all stars). I wonder if we all see the same stars...well the next time night falls LOOK into the sky and gaze at the stars. I think I'd like to be a star so I could watch over everyone and I could sprinkle moondust over them. Actually I think it would be even better to be a fairy....then I could fly because I would have my own wings. I could help angels watch over everyone who needed to be watched over. I have my own wand because I am a fairy ...I sprinkle moon and angeldust over your pillow. I can make myself invisible. I can also fly into your dreams and this is what I would do to you Laura , while you are sleeping I can make your bad dreams part of yesterday..I am now in your dreams and they will be good forever more...because you will dream of Canada. Love and Angel dust to you all. Fairy Inga (because I love the name Inga)

Re: 'Look @ the stars& how they shine for you
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 06:05:59 2001 (#2809)

That angel dust feels good right about now. Thanks alot.

prayers, Colin

the 2 weeks are gone
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 00:45:42 2001 (#2790)

hehe...well..uh...i cut last night..well..scrtched my arm with a broken bobby pin until it bled..i told will..he's so understanding..here's what he said. Cheze2 (6:41:30 PM): ...well...i feel really bad for doing this, cause i feel like i let you dow..once again...but..i cut last night..well..scrtched my arm with a broken bobby pin until it bled..but i'm just so sorry.... Eek the Cat22 (6:42:22 PM): *hug* Eek the Cat22 (6:43:06 PM): as long as your trying, your not letting me down Cheze2 (6:43:32 PM): no, i am,because i told u i was stopping...and i couldnt even hold my proise Cheze2 (6:43:35 PM): promise Eek the Cat22 (6:44:06 PM): something like that is hard, and your trying, thats enough for me

he's so understanding..too understaning...i dunno, i'm just too hard to please..

-me-

Re: the 2 weeks are gone
Posted by Will on Tue Jan 16 01:31:39 2001 (#2791)

wo look at me im famous!

Re: the 2 weeks are gone
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 05:57:19 2001 (#2808)

I knew that he'd understand. He really cares about you, and your saftey and happiness is all that matters to him.

prayers, Colin

And the angst strikes deep...
Posted by Lither on Tue Jan 16 03:16:03 2001 (#2792)

How is one to explain the occurances of such fury and blind rage and... there is no way to describe it... it is truly... it is the grand persuasion... the masquerade and walk unto the promenade of darkness... and yet still in my darkest hours I see the pale red light that tastes so very sweet... INCOHERENT YET AGAIN I SHALL STAND AND SLASH ASUNDER... I apologize for these are random feelings... I am simply empty... a prisoner of my own device...

Re: And the angst strikes deep...
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 05:49:26 2001 (#2807)

Yes...

prayers, Colin

Re: And the angst strikes deep...
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 19:42:12 2001 (#2826)

On behalf of everyone welcome to the group. keep writing ...loved your wonderful words. Fran

disociation
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 03:27:27 2001 (#2794)

I HATE DISOCATION! (i know i spelled it wrong) will just told me something like someone i know said something to me that like tore me apart, (literally) :) and i have no recolection of it at all! it's like! where'd that part of my life go!? grrr, this is gonna bug me! anything like this happen to ne of u?

-me-

Re: disociation
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 05:37:54 2001 (#2806)

I can't really relate or understand this as I always remember the devestating moments. Personaly, I can say that remembering isn't all that great, but I could imagine how scary it is to not remember. I don't know what to say, but try and stay strong and keep us all posted.

prayers, Colin

Re: disociation
Posted by heavenleigh on Tue Jan 16 17:21:11 2001 (#2824)

I know exactly what u mean. I have huge chunks of my life missing, especially traumatic bits. My Mum told me i went a bit odd when my grandad died, but I don't remember it so it feels like I haven't grieved properly.

Lost... again
Posted by Lither on Tue Jan 16 03:37:59 2001 (#2795)

I apologize I may seem utterly redundant to most... but I feel I've to release some certain overly pressing matters... I have come to enjoy lifting my blade and... I have come to find comfort in it... as a soft kiss before I sleep... almost as though the inaudible sound of flesh ripping apart is as a lulaby to soothe a raging beast... and to drink of lifes blood proves rejuvinating though I've pathetic circulation hence I do not bleed as much as most... such just makes me sadder...

Re: Lost... again
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 04:23:30 2001 (#2799)

Redundancy....life is redundancy. No, you will not seem repetitious. Your tale seems all too familiar. The slide of the blade is the love of my life, yet also the bane. At times it keeps me alive, but living is only further torment. I don't know why this feeling is returning after (I made a small calculation) almost two years. It's strange, I feel inadiquate because I have these patches of unscarred imperfection, but then I feel shame from the fact that I cut, which leads to furthe feelings of inferiority. The cycle is evil. I pray to stop. All of us. Until next time....

prayers, Colin

Incomplete
Posted by Christine on Tue Jan 16 03:38:46 2001 (#2796)

With out my sweet addiction I'm incomplete.I dont know who I am I dont know what to be.With out him I feel alone.I sit in a room of 100 people and I'm alone.I feel the lonellyness and I know there is an answer but I can't seem to find one.Ahh to be able to just kill the pain, to fell the warmth poor from my arms and fall upon the tile floor.Maybe they were right I invest to much time in being negative.How else can I handel what I feel.I'm so confused as you can see by my words for they make no sence to me.I will put on another mask and move threw the day.I will smile I will be picture purfect like barbie and her painted smile.I cant make myself happy I might as well make some one else .

Re: Incomplete
Posted by Lither on Tue Jan 16 03:46:43 2001 (#2797)

I understand fully... Yet I am picture perfect every day but it makes me worse... as I hate myself to the point where I deem myself unworthy of existance... I try... I don't mind the negative side of things... I am rather a pesimist which only seems to make matters worse...

Re: Incomplete
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 06:41:22 2001 (#2813)

So empty. Very incomplete. Ive found the end (most of the time) to my lonelyness in Christ, but every now and then I feel light years away from everyone no matter how many people I'm around. Try not to put on the face for other people. For the past two days I've been wishing to make my self complete, to slash and watch the blood flow, to release the hurt, the pain, the anger. But I know I shouldn't. I know that jesus makes me complete (though I do forget often and have to resort to my old way of "completion"), but it's hard. Try to not SI, OK?

prayers, Colin

Re: Incomplete
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 19:50:50 2001 (#2827)

'I don't know who I am I don't know who to be'....I want to be everything...I want to be so many things. I love watching and feeling the blood pour and if you're no ready to give up SI then you shouldn't.....I know this doesn't appear to be the best advice but it's my truth. Cutting myself belongs to me and I don't want to give it up. *Love* Fran

Lither
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 03:59:19 2001 (#2798)

Glad to see you lither. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but T's sister was on the phone. Did you read my soap-box rant? I hope so. Please come back to this board when you feel down. It's a struggle, but oh well. See you tommorow.

prayers, Colin

the cure
Posted by i am the rabbit in your headlights on Tue Jan 16 05:02:01 2001 (#2800)

I have discovered the cure to this disease that has been plagueing all of us for so long. It is still self-destructive, that I could never escape from, but rather than pulling me into a harsh reality with my own self inflicted pain of cuts and burns, it releases me from this foolish and useless state most people refer to as conscienseness. Drugs. Or, for you more proper people, medication. Vikadin, marijuana, codine, mushrooms, Valium, ectacy, lithium, heroin...the list is practically endless. You won't forget your problems, they just won't matter any more. Sure, drugs may breed more problems in the future and you're problems will still be there when you sober up, but we don't need to think about the future. Live for the moment, CARPE DIEM!!!

Yesterday's history, Tomorrow's a mystery, Today is a gift, That's why we call it the present.

Now, take this precious gift of knowledge that I've given you, and use it. Get as far away from you problems as humanly possible. It'll be fun. I promise.

Re: the cure
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Tue Jan 16 05:27:36 2001 (#2803)

Okay......I don't really know what to say to you, but I don't think I wanna add an expensive drug habit to my list of problems. At least blades are cheap and legal.

DB

Re: the cure
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 16 05:32:11 2001 (#2805)

Hm... you bring up a very good point, seeing as I was a junkie for over 5 years... but at the same time... Look me in my eyes and tell me that I'm not going to die, and I will live long enough to marry the love of my life and see my 2 and a half year old son grow up to be a strong and wonderful human being... see... I am dying because of all of the drugs I did.. so unless you have someone standing in line, waiting to donate to you any organ that you may need (cuz drugs DO damage your organs).. then I don't think it's the best solution, I'll stick to bleeding and burning myself... because death isn't all that fun... I know that first hand... Drugs do kill you.. from the inside out.. and all I have left is track marks and failing kidneys..... but hey.. go get high if that's what helps you.. but don't bitch when you find yourself in need of a transplant.. and you are far down on the list cuz you're just a junkie who will waste the new organ they give you....

~laura

Re: the cure
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 06:15:09 2001 (#2811)

Not quite a cure as much as a replacement system. I don't really think it's a great idea myself, because all you're doing is screwing yourself over even more, because it doesn't realy replace, it combines the adictions. I don't know, sounds not too great to me, but that's just me...

prayers, Colin

Re: the cure
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 16 07:35:24 2001 (#2817)

I dont know where the hell you came from. But we dont encourage drugs around here. as far as im concerned cutting has been the safest way to go. Idont think we encourage that eihter but at least we know we can offer eachother emotional support. With a substance nobody can help you there.. just my opinion.. the way you talk about drugs you are already GONE!!!

Re: the cure-'LIVE FAST DIE YOUNG'
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 20:10:55 2001 (#2828)

I know there might be a bit of controversy surrounding this. 'Carpe diem' I want to live that way....I want to be a free spirit and I want my mind far far far open. It's like you've said it might not solve a problem but at least you can escape. The only time I've ever truly felt free was on pills....I really was free from the world and the shit left behind. It's not the answer but it helps you to forget the question. I Know Laura had an addiction and I know heroin kills and I want Laura to live...and I really care so much about. I know there are consequences. Coming down has to Be the worst feeling, the Shittist you've ever felt...I've cut badly. So I'm not promoting it.......what I do know is that it's a quick fix. I want to escape my mind. I can see the future...I can maybe see all those problems looming on the horizon. But then everyday I have to find reasons to live...reasons not to end it all in that bath. So there is no reason for me not to take drugs...living on edge ..I already am. Tommorow is shit and reality so living for the moment makes sense. I want to be so far away that I don't weigh anything anymore. Me...I'll try anything. 'LIVE FAST DIE YOUNG'. Thank you for writing in. Do you understand what I mean everyone? that if I want to die anyway....why does it matter that they might finish me off. The doctor once told me that your stomach can rupture in Bulimics because of excessive self induced vomiting and that you can die from it. And I'm constantly being told that if I slipped I could quite easily kill myself whilst cutting. It happened to a friend at boarding school....she always cut near the veins in the bend in her arm and oneday she nearly killed herself...had 40 stiches or something. She knew she might...but she kept on cutting. I don't have any answers I'm just writing about what I've known and what I feel . Fran

Worrying ecstasy trends!!!
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 20:26:55 2001 (#2829)

there's a worrying trend at the moment of taking a large number of e pills in one night. I'm all for taking one or two but a guy I know ended up in the emergency room after taking FIVE pills last new years eve. He hyperventilated for an amazing number of hours and described the experience as ' forgetting how to breath'. He had collapsed in a remote corner of the club on his own it took him apprx an hour to CRAWL to the e.r. What if he hadn't been able to , he had a friend who took EIGHT. I think thats a fucking death wish, you can't have fun on that ....your body is bound to react. My friend said it was the first and last time he would do it. So if anyone is thinking about it , it doesn't give you a better trip.....it makes you feel like your in hell.

Re: Worrying ecstasy trends!!!
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:28:27 2001 (#2834)

SERITONIN SYNDROME! that's why people can't be on anti depressants and extacy, cause they both mix with your seritonin levels, and you get seritonin syndrome, it is very dangerous! BE CAREFUL! oh, and drugs may help you forget your problems, but aren't you just adding another thing to hate yourself for? just a thought

-me-

Re: Worrying ecstasy trends!!!
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 23:27:57 2001 (#2849)

I'm glad you told me about S.S...you've just saved me....I'll have to avoid e on anti deps...I didn't know it was dangerous mixing the two. I thought it would increase the wellbeing effect by increasing the seretonin uptake

Re: Worrying ecstasy trends!!!
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 23:48:14 2001 (#2850)

GOOD!! i dun wanna hear about you getting SS!!! if so i'll have to goto canada and hit u!...no....not really...i'm just hyper...

-me-

Re: the cure
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 16 20:49:56 2001 (#2830)

I do pot once in a while but it makes me paranoid. How long does it stay in your system?

Re: the cure
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:54:19 2001 (#2840)

weeed stays in ur system for about 3 months, so be careful if u have to get a pee test, i've heard of people who drink pickle juice, vinigar, and a bunch of other stuff to get it our of their system..nasty!

-me-

Re: the cure
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 16 22:16:36 2001 (#2842)

You can also take niacin pills to help rid your system of weed, but the niacin pills make you turn red, and you itch a lot.. also, you can go to some specialty stores and get this stuff (can't remember what it's called).. but it cleans your system fast, if you follow the directions correctly... it usually costs about $50.00

~laura

Re: the cure
Posted by Darkrose on Wed Jan 17 02:46:24 2001 (#2864)

I'm already a slave to this bloody blade, I don't need another addiction, thank you.

Besides, part of my problem is that I have never lived in reality. Taking stuff to make life seem more distant isn't going to help me at all.

Additionally, if life ever slows down enough for me to seize the moment, I don't want to be too stoned to experience it.

my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Ang on Tue Jan 16 05:03:35 2001 (#2801)

ITS FUCKIN WEIRD!!!! i feels so emotionaly draned after wards its like BLA! okay just thought i would shre that! love Ang

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 16 05:27:45 2001 (#2804)

Well, i'm currently seeing 2 therapists, and although it is weird, and sometimes i leave there feeling like shit... it seems to help some... holds off the SI for about half a day or so....

~laura

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Ang on Tue Jan 16 06:12:59 2001 (#2810)

verry true but u see the thing id I MAKE MY THARIPIST CRY!!!!!!!!! is that normal?

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 16 07:18:56 2001 (#2816)

Ummm no I dont think that is normal because for the therapists sake too much emotional involvement on the therapists behalf could be damaging to him/herself. How do you feel talking to your therapist?.. I too am seeing one and he is detached in fact he doesnt even make any expressions but I know heis listening too weird... anyhow, this was about you. i hope it goes well.. ask your therapist why the tears..i mean im curious.. By the way laura, you are right depending on how my session went either I cut or I can go with out until the next visit. But hey I go 4 times a week..

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 16 08:01:02 2001 (#2818)

one of the therapists i see is a pastor, and the first 2 times I saw him, he cried too.... so don't feel bad, okay? Well, try not to...

~laura

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Amanda on Tue Jan 16 21:32:59 2001 (#2835)

I made my therapist cry once. well twice, the first time was because ...well i d on't remember...but at least you know its a sign she cares? right? but also you have to make sure she herself isn't getting emotionally drained so that it can work out for the both of you.

-me-

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Ang on Wed Jan 17 07:32:26 2001 (#2870)

okay well i know why he creid it was becasue i was talkin about my baby sister and how she calls me sissy mommy because she thinksa of me as a mom figure! well i love y'all and love reading ur seponcess KISSES! ang

Re: my thoughts on therapy
Posted by Christine on Wed Jan 17 18:02:09 2001 (#2873)

I love my therapist she is so nice I went threw so many wacko's and I found her she was so nice when I first met her and I was like this could work I saw her a couple more times and then I was transfered to another hospital.When I got out I tried to get an oppointment w/ her.It took couple months but I finally got her and know I enjoy going to therapy.We think of eachother more as friends.I can tell her anything shes so kewl.

Re: (read this)thoughts on therapy
Posted by Ang on Fri Jan 19 06:58:42 2001 (#2960)

can any body tell me what i can safly tell my tharipist about my bf...? i don't want to say somthing and then have him go well i need to report this u know? any ways PLS wright back

my site
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Tue Jan 16 06:38:17 2001 (#2812)

I just wanted to tell anyone who cares that I put some pictures up on my site today. Wait a minute, it's past midnight, so technically, I did it yesterday. Anyway, there's a couple of me and my cats if anyone wants to see what I look like.

Love, DB

Re: my site
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 06:47:06 2001 (#2814)

I would be delighted to checkout your site, but how to find it.....

Re: my site
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 16 08:06:45 2001 (#2819)

Well, since lori went to sleep, I'd be happy to give you the link.. it's http://www.fortunecity.com/mel tingpot/sweden/1207/index.htm so go check her out.. heehee.. she's a cutie, and she's gonna kill me for saying it, but that's okay, I know she loves me...

~laura

Re: my site
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 17:06:16 2001 (#2821)

Dear DB I'll be going there. P.s Last time I signed your guestbook. love Fran

Re: my site
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 16 19:38:31 2001 (#2825)

I checked out your site, and am very pleased. You say that you know very little about website construction but I was impressed! I tryed to make a website for a computer class, and it took me three days to get a background with a static picture, let alone an animated one. Good job.

prayers, Coin

Re: my site
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:39:25 2001 (#2837)

YOYO!! i like ur website!!! nice poetry, and i love the thing on ur about me page! it's funny! :) anyways, have fun!!
:)

-me-

scared shitless
Posted by Meg on Tue Jan 16 16:04:36 2001 (#2820)

Fran & DB, you wrote to me before, please help me again...i have to do a report on SM in an hour here @ school, and i'm really, really freaked...i don't know what i've gotten in to..i cut on my arm last night again after 3 weeks and it really hurts...please write to me, tell me i'm not alone...

Re: scared shitless
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 17:13:02 2001 (#2823)

Girl you are not ...you are not alone at all. I don't know what to say because I haven't been handling life that well recentely ....I've ended up in bed... two weeks off..missed my exams. I hate that sore feeling after cutting but I said before in a previous post 'I'm not ready to give it up'. Why are you scared ? think of me as your guardian fairy...think of Canada and happy things. Please write back...let me know how oyu are. Love and fairy dust. Thinking of you. Love Fran

Re: scared shitless
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Wed Jan 17 00:34:21 2001 (#2852)

Listen to Fran, baby. She's smart. Just try to remember you are loved as intensely as you hurt. I know thaht sounds strange, but as much as it hurts you to have the feelings you do, we love you that much and more than that even.

OOOOOHHHHHH and Franny, I didn't mean to put the wrong name to your thing to live by! I'll change it soon! If you look up Free Spirit, I added below it that it's for you!

Love, DB

Everyone go to...........
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 20:51:02 2001 (#2831)

Everyone has to look at the 'freespirit' poem on D.B's website because it belongs to me and I'm so happy it's mine....and I love you D.B too. Everyone you have to go and look at. Also the 'Listen to your heart' on 'Things to live by ' is actually mine and not Bae's. How are you Bae and Kate....those two guys in your lives.....they really are shits and you know that ,......I know it doesn't make any difference but just so you know. Just think about it. hope laura ia okay and D.B and where's Melissa, and I hope lost is okay and nuni and micheal and simon and neal (but I don't know him yet so I'm going to email him) and rose(where are you?) and cheze and Heavenleigh and Meg and Cristine and Helen and everyone else. I think I might be going to Canada again. You know what I really am crazy ...I can lose myself in these other worlds. Still when reality is shit...there's not alot left

Hi
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 16 20:51:22 2001 (#2832)

I just wanted to say hi to everyone. I love you guys. YOu guys are awesome. I am feeling a little better. I haven't cut in a week.

Re: Hi
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 20:53:50 2001 (#2833)

I'm so so so glad...well done Kate.You Rock.... groove on hot chick etc....go and party and celebrate. (maybe I should take some of my own advice) Love Fran

Re: Hi
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:38:28 2001 (#2836)

WAHOO!!!!! GO KATE GO KATE!!! It's ur unbirthday! wahoo!!! keep it up!!!

-me-

Re: Hi
Posted by Stride on Wed Jan 17 01:22:39 2001 (#2856)

Love you too. Glad you're feeling better. Stay strong!

prayers, Colin

i can't handle this...
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:43:34 2001 (#2838)

ok! well about 2months ago i changed schools, so not many people in this new one know about my self harm. well today at the end of the day i found out that someone saw them and told a guidence counselour person. i am freaking out, i have this persistant fear of guidence counselours, they scare me, it's probably cause a few years ago one called my parents when he found out some of the poetry i was writing was suicidal, but i am scared shitless...any ideas on what i should do? oh...and i found a razor last night, i have started cutting again...so much for 2 weeks...i'm sorry will...grrr!! i hate people!!!

-me-

p.s. oh! and you guys have been posting like mad today! :) but yeah i sometimes but my real name up there by accident cause i forgot :) like in the YOUR NAME area so if u guys don't remember my name is amanda.. so yeah have fun!

Re: i can't handle this...
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:01:11 2001 (#2857)

Changing schools is freak cenral, it scares me witless. Guidance councilors, though some have good intentions, generaly screw things up. Lither can sympathise about the one in my school. As far as ideas go, just stay calm about the whole councilor issue because exploding in teachers udualy makes problems worse. Though people in your new school know about self harm, do they know the truth about it , or do they just know the lore. If it's the truth then things shouldn't be too bad, but if all they know is lore you're in for a bad time. Sad to hear about the cutting again. Remember, we're here for you!

prayers, Colin

why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Cheze2 on Tue Jan 16 21:52:19 2001 (#2839)

sorry i've been posting so much, i just feel that there is so much i want to say today, it's been kinda a bad day. but with will, i don't know why, but i am always telling him stuff like, we should stop talking, that it would be better for him, i am always pushing him away, i can't decide if it's because i don't want him to get hurt, (which one part of it is) because i don't want to hurt him, or if it is because i don't want to let myself be vulnerable, i have major trust issues, and it just seems like i would be defying myself if i told him anything, i also don't want to tell him stuff, because it would be constantly, if i truely told him everytime i felt like shit then it's like where would our happy times be? ya know? does anyone else have this problem with boyfriends, close friends? just wondering

-me-

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 23:15:28 2001 (#2844)

*Amanda* I don't mean to sound really sour but there are VERY FEW GUYS who you can actually trust. You are right to be careful. There are some guys out there who don't give a shit and they are not nice people...they can really fuck you around. Trust your instincts. Good Luck Love Fran

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Jan 16 23:15:53 2001 (#2845)

I have that same problem with friends/boyfriends, in that i don't have any because i push everyone away from me. I guess it's because i have real problems talking to anyone about anything, especially my feelings. I also wouldn't want to drag anyone i liked down with me.

If i find out the answer to this problem i'll let you know. Butterfly.

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 17 01:04:37 2001 (#2855)

Well, I am an expert is this area... right now, I happen to be in love with the most wonderful guy in the whole world... well to me, he is.. he is talented, he believes in God, he is sweet, smart, honest, cute and most of all, he loves me for who i am. But... I try to push him away.. I can tell you why I do it.. everyone who has ever some in to my life has eventually left me.. starting with the day my father walked out on us. My dad was a cheater, too.. and I always assume I will be cheated on... SO.. what I do is push them away, so that way it won't be so painful when they DO leave me... another reason I do it is because I feel that they are just too afraid to say goodbye to me, and are only staying so they don't hurt or "break" me... So I do things to ruin the situation, so they won't feel bad about leaving me... and then I get to punish myself for it too, which is always a fun thing to do ... another reason is because my whole life has been chaotic.. I know how to deal with fucked up situations.. so when something is good.. and the situation is wonderful, I feel the need to mess it up.. I don't know how to deal with happy situations.. so I mess them up, so i can better cope with them.. I'm sure a lot of you will fall in to at least one of these categories... I don't blame you for protecting yourself, but be sure to let some love in, because you DO deserve it. Good guys do exist, and I got lucky enough to find a "top of the line" guy... I hope you all can find someone as wonderful as hersh (he has no brothers, sorry). I love you all.

~laura

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:11:06 2001 (#2860)

Did it, done it, got the scars. It sucks, it really does. Looking back on the past couple of years, there were so many people that truly cared about me, but I would just shun them aside for the same reasons you listed. It's stupid isn't it? We push people aside that care about us and then get frustrated that no one is there for us! I'm a victim of this circle myself. Tell Will! He cares about you! Tell us too. Post fifty times a day if need be. It's better than holding it inside. Stay safe.

prayers, Colin

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by SImon on Fri Jan 19 03:58:36 2001 (#2948)

I feel the same. i am so scarred of hurting people or being hurt (with good reason) that i feel soo guilty if i mention anything about SI to friends or girlfriends. like there is this girl who i met at uni and was crazy about and she came to my room and we started making out etc. and she took of my tom and i explained what the scars were all about and i just collapsed on her and i think i was even crying a little. i must have made her feel like shit but i couldent help myself. i mean you lot maybe don't know me that well but im the scarry metal-head/punk/goth type and not the type that spontaneously breaks down and crys in the middle of getting it on. Everyone tries to make all the right noises and look like they care but in the end it just freaks them and they usually want to get as far away as possible from you. (soz to have to be so pesemistic but i had gone for ages..well days without cutting and i failed last night) i wish more than anything that i had a semi-normal life with a little bit of stability but i know at the back of my mind that is never gonna be me. i dont seem to let it happen. Jesus i feel lonely. i sound pathetic but thats just theway i feel. Got 2 go. wish me luck for my gig next week.

Bye

SImon

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Tiffany on Mon Jan 22 22:27:56 2001 (#3072)

i do that too. i have a friend who i really love but i can't tell her anything because i am afriad that she won't want to be my friend if she knew about my cutting, suicidal thoughts and depression. i feel better know that i know other people are the same way. thanks

Re: why do i push away the ones i love?
Posted by Nicke on Fri Jan 26 17:22:20 2001 (#3196)

Hi there I'm new here but I just thought that I would share my experiences with you. I started seeing Si, and at first it was great, it made me forget things even if just for a little while. However after a bit things started to get serious between us and I realized he was falling in love with me. I didn't want to get close to him or let him in to see the real me because I to have major trust issues. We started arguing all the time and I eventually ended it with him. I still don't know if it was to protect him or if I was being selfish again and doing it to protect myself. I don't know if my story is of much use but it is nice to know that other people have similar problems. Don't make the mistake I did, Talk things through with your boyfriend and if he loves you enough he will be understanding and help you through your dificult times. Also it's good to share things sometimes and especially with the people you love most.

Nicke.xx

Morbid Infatuation
Posted by Lither on Tue Jan 16 21:55:17 2001 (#2841)

I find myself wanting to collect my blood in vials after I cut... a constant reminder of the results of my pain and internal strife... I write... but blood is forever... paper burns... I also taste it often... oddly sweet metal...

Sincerely ~ Moridhinn ~

Re: Morbid Infatuation
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Jan 16 23:23:34 2001 (#2847)

an interesting hobby to take up...... but I find my scars are enough of a reminder of my pain.

Re: Morbid Infatuation
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:19:26 2001 (#2861)

Quite sweet indeed. I've always been consumed with the look of the blood as it flows into the cut, and always the taste. Just a small lick after the blood fills the gap the first time, but a taste none the less. It would be nice to be able to stop for good though. At least it's not drugs though, as those would screw you up way more. Sure the cuts leave scars, but once you stop, it's a good reminder not to do it again.

prayers, Colin

Re: Morbid Infatuation
Posted by Christine on Wed Jan 17 18:12:24 2001 (#2874)

I know what you mean.It sounds wierd but I like to smear the blood all over my arms and then clean it up.I think I like taking care of the wounds more than making them sometimes.Just a thought.

I like cutting.
Posted by Jacqui Tourtellotte on Tue Jan 16 22:35:08 2001 (#2843)

Hi! I love cutting. I'm in a hurry but that's all I have to say. E-mail me!! jtourtellotte@hotmail.com I'd appreciate it. Bye!

Re: I like cutting.
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 16 23:18:30 2001 (#2846)

....I don't want to give up cutting either....I need it. I'll email you soon Bye Fran

Re: I like cutting.
Posted by Butterfly on Tue Jan 16 23:26:29 2001 (#2848)

cutting is one of the few things i do love and i can't give up.

Re: I like cutting.
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:25:07 2001 (#2862)

Hi! I hate cutting. Sure, I do it, but I would love to stop. Make sure this isn't just a random posting and keep coming back!

prayers, Colin

Re: I like cutting.
Posted by heavenleigh on Thu Jan 18 12:59:44 2001 (#2910)

I haven't cut for ages, but I still love it. I love the feeling of power over myself that it gives, I like the sight of blood, because it is mine and I have caused it. I like to know I have that escape option, much better than drinking alone then getting sick. Doesn't even feel guilty - it actually gets RID of guilt,

S

How Far.................?
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 17 00:20:14 2001 (#2851)

sometimes I wish tommorow would never come....I'd like to slip away into my dreams...fade away forever...the other side...I wonder if it's better than this. I'd like to see how far I'd go....how far I'd take. I wish I had a reason to stay....I wish I wish. I feel like I'm drifting away to another place...almost complacent from feeling....I must do something...I really want to sort myself out. Believe me I really do.

Re: How Far.................?
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Wed Jan 17 00:37:47 2001 (#2853)

Franny,

Don't give up yet. There's still some fight left in us all. I thought mine had left me at the hospital, but I was wrong. We'll sort this out somehow, just keep talking to us.

you are LOVED, DB

Re: How Far.................?
Posted by Bae on Wed Jan 17 02:10:43 2001 (#2859)

I love you Fran! I love evrything you write!

baleigh

Re: How Far.................?
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:40:12 2001 (#2863)

There must be a reason to stay ! Please, for me, for the others, and for yourself. This board wouldn't be the same without you, and neither would this world. Don't see how far you can go, because you might go too far. Too far to come back, so just stay here. You took the first step by telling people that care, so keep it up by keeping us up to date.

prayers, Colin

P.S. as for the other side and sorting your life out, I've got some ideas about those two. If you ever want to hear just e-mail me and I'll tell you about it.

Re: How Far.................?
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 17 03:55:54 2001 (#2867)

Oh sweetie I am sorry you are feeling bad. I want you to be well so much. If there is anything I can do please let me know. Write or email me.

Love, Kate

Re: How Far.................?
Posted by Christine on Wed Jan 17 18:17:07 2001 (#2875)

If you ever feel bad you can come in my room and we can stay up all nite and talk. We can have a sleep over everyone can come in my room even the boys cuz we need all the support we can get .I love u kept the fight up!!!

copycat -->
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 17 00:39:47 2001 (#2854)

Heh... I just updated my site too... not as great as Lori's, but hey... I'm not as great as her, so that's to be expected, right? =) Oh, fucking check it out, cuz I don't have too many friends and you will make me feel better... btw, I haven't cut in um... almost 24 hours... that's good for me, so applaud, damnit!!!!! Grr.. whatever...Oh yeah, you need the link, right? Well, here it is... http://nav.to/lauravandegrift

~laura (

Fucking Christ!
Posted by Baleigh on Wed Jan 17 02:07:51 2001 (#2858)

Well... I have really done it now. I've royally fucked myself over. See... even though I bought those new big razors... I got bored and started to take another shaving razor apart... TOO BAD I CUT A CHUNK OUT OF MY FINGER! I dunno how I did it... I really don't. All I know is my hand slipped and the razor top was on the floor with a hunk of skin in between the blades... and that the top of my finger had a huge bleed gash in it. I had nice hands too... this ruins everything. I don't want visible scars... you know how much I freak out about scars! Man-o-man! It's going to be very easy to see... my right hand... on my middle finger (go figure... probably lifes way of saying 'Fuck you... you're stupid') right up where your last knuckle is by your nail. God guys... I freaked out. ALmost passed out! I could feel it comoing... when everything goes black and you can't hear anything. I hate that feeling. Why am I so stupid? Why must I feel the need to do stupid shit like this... and why do I do it even when it's not on purpose!? I need to die!

Re: Fucking Christ!
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 02:49:50 2001 (#2865)

OUCH! Cuts on the fingers hurt like ten! Don't feel the need to die just because your finger slippedI Every one does these dumbass things! Ah well..talk at you later.

prayers, Colin

Re: Fucking Christ!
Posted by Bae on Thu Jan 18 01:21:52 2001 (#2887)

: ) yeah... but this isn't just an every day little paper cut type ting. I literally cut a hole on my finger... bleh!

i'm a hypocrite
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 17 03:00:24 2001 (#2866)

I know I'm not the happiest person in the world, but right now, I just feel like cutting a vital part of myself. Maybe not my throat (again).. but something is inside of me that I hate... i'm discovering that if it were not for others in my life, I would have no reason to live.. because I hate myself that much.. here I have a wonderful son, awesome friends, and a man that loves me... heh.. and all I can think about is death... I'm fucked in the head.. this isn't some sort of suicide note, but right now, I'm feeling damn messed up.. and I just found out that one of my old high school friends was murdered... sigh... i hate life...

~laura

Re: i'm a hypocrite
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 06:25:31 2001 (#2868)

That is pretty messed up, but then again, why are any of us messed up? It makes no sense. It seems that no matter what situation we're in, we feel like crap! Where's the logic behind that? I don't bame you for being messed up.

prayers, Colin

Re: i'm a hypocrite
Posted by Christine on Wed Jan 17 18:21:39 2001 (#2876)

I dont care how messed up ant of you are I love you all !!!!!!!!!!!

short bio
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 06:48:31 2001 (#2869)

In case anyone cares, here's where I'm coming from..

My name's Colin Marlow. I'm in Blind River,Ontario. I'm 19 now and began cutting when I was 12. I stopped cutting for almost two tears, but just a couple of days ago I started back up again, then I found this site. I bacame a Christian (that's why I stopped for a while) and that helped tremendously, but even the best fall. Not that I'm the best, but you get the picture. Never had a girlfriend and never had a good friend (or so I've convinced myself of the good friend part). Started cutting because of self hatred and peer rejection. And that's where I'm coming from.

Re: short bio
Posted by sharon on Thu Jan 18 22:55:43 2001 (#2920)

wow, have you been reading my diary? =) i can really relate to what you're saying. i've had quite a bit of rejection in my life, at least what i perceived as rejection, and i'm low in the self-worth department. i'm also a christian and i guess i sometimes expect too much from myself. well, feel free to post and God bless ya! hugs, sharon

I think this is it!!
Posted by Nuni on Wed Jan 17 08:10:41 2001 (#2871)

I had a thought.. Im a little off tonight. I come here offer what I can...ahh...hmmm. Not much to offer.. sorry. Fran, DB, Laura, ya'all are so wonderful.. Do you tell yourselves that, ever?? Because you are!! Lost you freak! =) Meg, Kate, Melissa, Linda where are you?? I feel so alone!! SO desperate!! Im sorry... I mean Im still here, I just feel so detached. Linda, please say a prayer for my soul. I have dishonored my mother...I turned my back on her.. I am masking my emotions with blades, blood, and alcohol... Neal, I havent heard from you in so long...soooo worried about you. I'm sorry if I hurt you! all for now, Nuni

Re: I think this is it!!
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 17 08:21:44 2001 (#2872)

Nuni ~ You know I love you, hun.. please talk to me... you don't talk to me anymore.. you just vaguely mention what is going on.. Please tell me exactly what is going on.

~laura

Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by Christine on Wed Jan 17 18:31:14 2001 (#2877)

I dont care what I should look like I dont care if you dont think I'm nice looking Fuck u all.I'm me I'll have purple hair if I want.I'll were all black and I wont hide my scar's there from people like you!Every time you see them you can see what you have done to innocent people.I'm not shit you are.You are Afraid of difference therefor you are afraid of people that are different.I'm not going to live up to your expectations only mine! I dont care if you give me dirty looks.You can all fuck yourselves.You cant hurt me only I can do that! you cant touch me.I an the only one that controls the pain.Sorry just had to flip out.

*~Christine~*

Re: Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 17 19:17:58 2001 (#2878)

Good for you. Be different. Everyone else in the world is boring.

Re: Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by Michael on Wed Jan 17 19:27:47 2001 (#2879)

I'm sure most of us here have suffered some intolerence from people because they are different. I was a bit of a geek for ages. I've been taunted and stuff. Now i wear all black too. And i get insults because of it! I wear black eyeliner, and i get insults. There are a few places where i will not go where i live because the people who are there will rip me to pieces, call be homosexual, goth, etc. I tell them to fuck off or something, they threaten to hit me, so i say 'go ahead, i've got enough scars as it is'....they don't know what to say when they see my arms... But there's nothing you can do, people will always be intolerant of minorities. I'm not going to let myself get down 'cos i'm going to see Marilyn Manson on Monday! yay! Should be a jolly old laugh. Michael

Re: Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by rachel on Wed Jan 17 19:34:54 2001 (#2880)

ure going too see MM oh my god ure so lucky, i couldnt go :( but but but today i got my tickets for the manics gig so for the first time in ages im happy. sorry that was totally irrelevant. love rach.

Re: Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 17 20:13:46 2001 (#2882)

We all should take a lesson from your words of wisdom. Who cares if we don't live up to the expectations of these moron people that try to rule our lives. So many people are hurt by these inconsiderate people that care nothing about the lives of others. Stay true to yourself and forget the fools of the world. Feel free to flip out any time you feel.

prayers, Colin

Re: Fuck what the world thinks I should be
Posted by Darkrose on Fri Jan 19 05:22:09 2001 (#2955)

Sorry I didn't write this before, but bravo.

my web page
Posted by lost and lonly on Wed Jan 17 19:43:34 2001 (#2881)

hey every one i just wanted to say that if any one wanted to know a bit more about me and cutting then they could visit my web page the address is www.selfharntheinnerpain.homes tead.com/pain.html i dont know if any one would be interested but i thought u might b. see ya

Re: my web page
Posted by Strider on Thu Jan 18 06:01:45 2001 (#2904)

I checked it out. Not bad. The most important part is having the personal story, and it's spot on. Catch you later.

prayers, Colin

This board, and my stress...
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 17 21:11:00 2001 (#2883)

Well, guys... I've been thinking long and hard about this... and I've come to a decision that was not easy to make at all. I've decided to leave this board for a while. I had a talk with Nuni about it last night, briefly.. and Hersh brought up the subject with me also... I want to help you all so much, that I'm suffering because of it. This probably isn't a permanent thing.. but for now, it's the best thing for me, and I have to think of me right now. If there is ever any post that someone thinks I would be helpful with.. please forward it to my email, and I will gladly read it.. and I don't want to lose touch with any of you at all.. that's not where I'm headed with this. So if you write to me, I will gladly write back.. and there is always AIM... I love you guys.. please take care.... (on AIM, i'm usually under the sn somefumblerchick, or sUiCiDeGrRrRrL) ~laura

Re: This board, and my stress...
Posted by Strider on Thu Jan 18 04:18:03 2001 (#2891)

No need to explain yourself to any one. After all, The purpose of this is to get better, and if that's what you have to do, then do it.

prayers, Colin

Re: This board, and my stress...
Posted by Kate on Thu Jan 18 04:43:16 2001 (#2893)

Don't leave because you can't help us. Only we can help ourselves. I am just on this board for support and to give it. Don't feel guilty and stress.

Hello to all!
Posted by Cheze2 on Wed Jan 17 21:54:17 2001 (#2884)

Hi everyone, nuni, fran, strider aka colin, laura, lost, kate michael, christine, baleigh, butterfly, how are you all doing today??? just wondering? well i hope that you all have a good day and Smile!!! :) have fun

-me-

Goodbye
Posted by Linda on Wed Jan 17 22:43:19 2001 (#2885)

Hey kids....I just felt like I needed to tell everyone goodbye. I have made quite a few sweet friends on this board and continue to communicate with a few of you. I came here looking for information and understanding and I really feel a lot more capable of dealing with the situation now. I appreciate all the times you all have given me insight. I will never forget you and I am always there if anyone needs anything from me. I know this seems a bit silly to be posting this message except that I must be true to myself and for the past ten months I have been here and have assured everyone that even if I wasn't posting, I was watching. It has just been this week that things have gotten ahead of me. You all know that I believe there is help for each and every one of you. I believe that help is in Jesus Christ who loves you and wants to take control of your life. I believe that is the basic issue with most.....control. How I wish I could express it in such a way that you could understand what a fellowship you are missing by not giving Him everything. I would love to hear from any of you who wish to write. Thanks again for letting me peek into the crevices of your minds! Love to all!!

Re: Goodbye
Posted by Strider on Thu Jan 18 04:28:25 2001 (#2892)

So very true. I've only been around for a short time myself, but I've apreciated your help. Thanks, and love in Christ.

prayers, Colin

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