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Threads 201 to 250

can i have both?
Posted by kayla marie on Wed Sep 13 00:56:10 2000 (#714)

im really comfused. my friend broke her ankle and her leg. she didnt tell me i found out by a friend of hers over e mail. i guess thats the only way to get it since she is far away from me. life is getting worse since i cant talk to her. i cut 28 times in 2 days and its getting harder to comtroll my urges and not to cut during school. i hate having this secret but i cant live with out cutting. can i have both ? most people say you cant but are they positive. my family life sucks and my dad keppes making me feel worse by saying his wife left him and im not feeling as alone as he is. hell yes i am. my whole family is falling apart and he thinks im ok with it. i am even thinking of going to a doctor myself and asking if i can live somewhere else so i dont have to put up with all this guilty ness that i seem to be getting from them. what should i do ?

Re: can i have both?
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Sep 13 01:25:58 2000 (#715)

Yes, it is possible to keep cutting and let someone know about it. If you wanted to tell someone I would reccommend someone you trust and know they wouldn't get mad or think you're weird. No one knows except my parents right now but I am preparing my friends to tell them. Do your friends know about SI? If they don't, inform them. Tell them more about it and every once in a while wear something that doesn't hide the scars. I'm not quite sure if this is good advice, it's just what I'm doing. I'm trying to make them ask if I cut. If you don't think this is good advice than don't use it! I haven't completely tried it out yet!

Re: can i have both?
Posted by Christine on Wed Sep 13 06:47:42 2000 (#716)

you can have both but if the person really cares there going to try to help you and that means taking it away from you.I think you should talk to someone about your dad if he is making you upset.If you have a friend or a teatcher your close to maybe you can talk to them and they can help If you want you can e-mail me

Loneliness...
Posted by lowercase kate on Wed Sep 13 21:12:42 2000 (#719)

I am so alone right now, well, not just right now, in general. I have no one. I am fighting the urge to cut, fighting so hard, but I've got the chant in my brain going. "Cut, cut. you know you want to. just do it, you'll feel better once you do. just give in, it's gonna win anyway." And I've got no one at all that I can call, to talk me down. All my friends say they will be there, but no one ever is. I am constantly abandoned.What is so fucking wrong with me that I deserve this? Does anyone know?

Re: Loneliness...
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Sep 13 23:16:08 2000 (#720)

kate, you are NOT alone. I know how it is like to be alone though. Like someone said, "Alone in a crowded room." All my life I have felt abandoned, rejected, neglected... It's like a poem I once wrote called Tears of Blood: I'm sick of crying I never smile I can't ever love Not once in a while

I've been Abandoned Deserted, Rejected Yelled at, Blamed for Punched and Neglected

I'm so tired of hurting Being treated like mud So I took a knife And cried Tears of Blood ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Does that seem like what you're going through? However you feel, you are not alone. We're all here for you and care for you very much. Hope you feel better. :)

Re: Loneliness...
Posted by lowercase kate on Wed Sep 13 23:49:09 2000 (#722)

thank you Dark Angel. That is exactly how I feel. it's nice to know that someone understands what I'm going through. reading your response I felt so much better, even if it's only temporary stillness in the madness.anyway, i just wanted to say thanks, kate

Group
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Sep 13 23:21:19 2000 (#721)

I don't know what to do. My parents are going to to me to a psychiatrist, which I'm not really worried about, but I have the option of going alone or talking in a group of teens. I want to hear about the others and meet SIers from around here, but there are some things that I would like to stay private. Has anyone done group counseling here? I really need to know. Because I just don't know what to do and I feel so lost!

Re: Group
Posted by penthesilea on Thu Sep 14 00:48:13 2000 (#723)

i'm actually in group counseling, it's for drugs though....but i very much prefer it to being alone with someone who hasn't even been what you're going through, and listening to them tell you how it is for you. you'd be surprised at how comfortable you can feel with your peers when everyone is in an environment like that. i recommend trying the group....if you don't like it you can always go to the one-on-one.

what i've learned
Posted by penthesilea on Thu Sep 14 00:53:30 2000 (#724)

lately i've been going to a lot of NA meetings because i have a problem with drugs. i figure that one addiction is the same as all the rest, and since i'm just now getting out of active SI addiction, i'm figuring out that you can do the same steps for both addictions. the main thing that has helped me not cut is recognizing a higher power...meditating and praying when i feel the urges, and often when i don't. another thing i learned is that it's great to talk to people about this stuff, because it's the stuff that's between your ears that gets you in trouble, and taking it even one minute at a time if you have to....but yeah, enough space, sorry about that...

some questions...
Posted by Kelly on Thu Sep 14 18:16:57 2000 (#725)

I`ve been cutting myself for some time now, and I just have a few questions. Will it just go away? The cutting I mean. I have had a break in one week once, but now I have the urge to cut myself all day. I don`t know if I`m a cutter or just doing it. What do you use to cut with? I use razor blades and knifes mostly, but I want something sharper, that goes true the skin straight away..anybody know of something? I don`t even know how I can do this, before I started I hated blod, I got sick and could throw up just by seing it, now I wanna see it...

Re: some questions...
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Sep 14 19:03:21 2000 (#726)

It probably won't go away. I know of some sharper things but it would NOT be a good idea to tell you. Cutting is as addictive as smoking or drugs, maybe more. You are definitly a cutter. Why did you start? Do you want to stop?

Re: some questions...
Posted by Kelly on Thu Sep 14 21:47:17 2000 (#727)

I don`t know why I started.I just got this feeling one day that I had to cut myself. Pretty weird actually because before I couldn`t even watch someone get cut on tv... I think I want to stop...I feel a little guilty, and it`s getting harder and harder hiding and explayning the scars. But in another way I don`t want to stop, because it feels so good... Do you cut your self?

Re: some questions...
Posted by Dark Angel on Fri Sep 15 04:08:03 2000 (#728)

I cut myself and have done it for almost four months. Do you do it because you feel bad over something or what? I do it because I'm depressed. Please answer these questions. It may help me help you. How old are you? How did you find this site? email me if you don't want to talk openly.

Re: some questions...
Posted by Kelly on Fri Sep 15 07:11:52 2000 (#730)

It`s very difficult to say why I do it, but I started when my boyfriend started to behave like an asshole. I felt like the pain that comes after I have cut, took away the pain in my heart. And I`m depressed. Have been for the last year or so. I found this site while I was searching the net for sites about SI.I`m 18.

Re: some questions...
Posted by YVON on Fri Sep 15 11:54:34 2000 (#731)

PLEASE PLEAS WRITE. I'D LIKE TO SHARE STORIES.

YVON

Re: some questions...
Posted by Kelly on Sat Sep 16 14:12:49 2000 (#736)

Whrite what?

gone
Posted by blue rose on Fri Sep 15 21:57:11 2000 (#734)

I gave all my razors away. I got rid of all the destructive relationships that I had. I'm going to be more decisive and just a stronger person. My promise to myself.

I'm sorry about my last post. I know it didn't make much sense. It's a song by Garbage. I glad I stopped by and read everyones posts. I miss you all, I should be visiting more often now.

stay safe, my friends

Re: gone
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 16 15:29:26 2000 (#737)

Good for you! Keep it up. I know you can do it! ;)

Re: gone
Posted by kristina on Sun Sep 17 04:03:41 2000 (#739)

congratulations! im know u can keep this up and leave ur destructive life behind. if u ever feel the urge post a message or email somebody. Good Luck

Over-analysing
Posted by Maggie on Sat Sep 16 05:16:17 2000 (#735)

I first cut myself 4 years ago, and did so most days for several months. I don't recall how or why I did it, but I stopped for 3.5 years without even consciously choosing to stop. It just happened. I never felt the urge to cut again until recently. But now I am back at it even more aggressively than before. At the time I never realised that what I was doing was called SI, and never labeled my behaviour as being anything but a passing weird phase. I was uncomfortable with what I was doing and stopped accordingly. I could be wrong, but I think some things can escalate when you over-analyse it. Since researching SI, I have identified myself as a cutter and because I am not alone, I have accepted it. I guess I have convinced myself that's just an alternative coping mechanism and the whole thing gradually phases me less and less. I come to this site because I get support and to not feel alone, but at the same time this comfort counters my motivation to stop. Is there no going back now?

Re: Over-analysing
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 16 15:32:03 2000 (#738)

I feel the same way. I didn't know what I was doing and I had stopped for a few weeks, maybe a month, and when I stumbled on some SI sites, I got the urge to cut again. Can it be stopped at this point? It just keeps getting worse!

Hurt
Posted by Dark Angel on Tue Sep 19 02:50:51 2000 (#740)

I am really depressed right now. One of my friends yelled at me and I am so sad. I have gotten in so many fights. I feel like it shouldn't be happening to me. My life stinks. Maybe if I hadn't of done this, or maybe that, everyone would like me. But no, I did this or that and everyone hates me. I don't get it. I don't think I should have to feel so much pain. I feel guilty, like I've done something, and I wish I wasn't born. I shouldn't have to go through so much pain! Why do I have to suffer? Have I done something to cause the destruction of my life? What is the matter with me? I want people to like me, but respect me. I feel so horrible. Like some monster that no one can love. I want to be alone. I don't want friends. If I didn't have anyone but myself, I would be happy. I want someone to LOVE me. I want someone to worry and say, "Are you alright? Can I do something? Do you want to talk about it?" But no one will. No one cares. No one loves me. I should be alone. I should be hated. I am stupid, careless, insane. I cut for crying out loud! Cutting is what makes me insane. But there is some logic to it. I cut, because I have problems and no one likes me. I feel like a doll. I can't yell back at them. I can't stop them. And if they don't like me they can get a new doll. I AM COMPLETELY WORTHLESS!!! I should be locked up an forgotten about. I am only writing this because I have no one else to turn to. If you don't write back then I don't care. Leave me alone, I dont' care. I want to be alone. I want someone to love me. I can't cry. I have nothing inside me. I am empty. It makes me think. Is there such thing as love? Or is it really important? Something that only certain deserving people can get. I don't deserve love. I cut, I have problems, I can't cry! Tomorrow I will be a robot, acting like I'm fine but hurting so very badly. Hurting like fire and ice. Dying inside, hoping to be let free. Hoping to be happy, truly happy. I wonder if happiness isn't a thing, rather a moment. Happiness is a moment, later covered in pain. People pretend their happy just so others will be happy, but in truth, they're consumed in pain. In reality the only people who can be happy, truly happy, are blind. They're oblivious to everyone except themselves. They can't see the pain. They can't see the tears. They don't see reality. This has been long enough. I will stop now. E-mail me if you care. IF anyone can care about a monster...

Re: Hurt
Posted by kristina on Tue Sep 19 05:30:17 2000 (#741)

before u start calllin urself insane, remember that the rest of us do it too... people dont ask u because they dont know how to deal with it... its not cuz they dont love u... u just have to realize that. they just dont understand so thye probably think that not asking is what u want... im sure lots of people love u, ur just not seeing it. they might show they care in different ways than u expect them to. people do love u

Re: Hurt
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Sep 20 15:55:11 2000 (#751)

Thanx. I've been feeling a bit down lately. I've gone through so many problems this month... It makes me feel so much better to know you care. :)

Re: Hurt
Posted by kristina on Sat Sep 23 04:23:15 2000 (#758)

anytime :)

I've cut again
Posted by Kathrine J on Tue Sep 19 19:31:47 2000 (#742)

Hiya, Well, I was going really briliant but i've blown it away.I suppose it was only a matter of time.I had gone three whole months without cutting.I slashed today.Only one but it's quite deep you can see the pink flesh underneath.It keeps bleeding, it probably needs butterfly stitches.But cause i'm a social cripple who can't talk to people i can't get it looked at.I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow at 3 so i'll tell her she has to do something.When i had cut i had nowhere to go nobody to talk too.I want to be able to go and see the nurse if i've cut so she can stitch it up.I don't want to be made to feel any worse than i already do.They are so ignorant of my problems.They don't realise how hard it is to tell people how you feel.It makes you feel so weak and pathetic.So i've broken the three months which has made me feel even more of a fuck-up now.Cause it was over something silly and trivial.I just had all this anger inside bursting to get out.I had to do it.It's on the inside of my arm so I can plaster it up and hide it if i need to.i wish i didn't have to though.It's the stigma it fucks me off. Can anyone tell me of any good websites that tells you how to take care of your cuts.Look after them to make sure they don't get infected and how to bandage them and stuff.I'd appreciate it, a lot. Kathrine J xxxxx

Re: I've cut again
Posted by Kathy on Tue Sep 19 21:13:32 2000 (#743)

Try searching for Self-injury on the net, there are many good sites but I don`t remember the addresses to them. Good luck. I know how you feel...

Re: I've cut again
Posted by Christine on Wed Sep 20 06:22:15 2000 (#745)

I don't know of any but I know how to take care of cuts.Take small bandaids and push the edges of the cut close together and tape it.Put bactine on it 2 times a day and change the bandaids every time u do.Neosporin helps it heal quickand helps scaring.After it heals put coco butter on it to make the scare less visible I hope u don't need any more advise like this good luck

I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Brad on Wed Sep 20 00:27:24 2000 (#744)

The other day I told my mother that I have been cutting myself. She didn`t react like I thought she would. She was calm and understanding. She has made an appoitment for me, to see a doctor, at first I wanted to go, but now I dont. I feel like there is no reason for me to go there, like my problem isn`t big enough. I haven`t been cutting for long, just a month or two, and I don`t know why I do it. It just makes me feel better, and now I sometimes feel like I have to cut, like I`m addicted or something. I cut regulary, sometimes a few times a day and at least three/four times a week. But I don`t think that makes me a cutter. Do you? Because I don`t know exactly why I do it, I can`t be one can I? What shall I do? Don`t go to the doc? I`m sure he will laugh at my face and tell me my problem isn`t big enough...

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Christine on Wed Sep 20 06:27:40 2000 (#746)

Your problem is a big deal and u should really go to the doctor.Things will only get worse if u don't get help.It doesn't matter why you cut but you do and that makes you a cutter.I hope you get help love Christine

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Maggie on Wed Sep 20 07:00:59 2000 (#748)

Anyone who cuts themselves intentionally, is a cutter. I think the idea of therapy is to help you find out why you do it, and help you confront these issues, and to learn alternative ways to cope. It's advisable to get professional help while you are still new to SI. The longer you let yourself do it, the more dependant you become upon the relief it gives you, and then it's harder to stop. You're lucky to have an understanding mother, and if your doctor is decent, he won't judge you either. I have to warn you though not to expect everyone to be sympathetic. My doctor did laugh at me, and clearly thought I was a freak, but she is just ignorant. Be strong, and get help for yourself, not for other people. I wish you luck. Let me know how it goes.

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by yvon on Wed Sep 20 13:17:47 2000 (#750)

good for u for telling mom. ur setting a good example for some of us here. talk to us u'll find out more about it. i'm glad u found us . write more.

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Linda on Wed Sep 20 16:20:08 2000 (#752)

Oh Brad! Please don't shut your Mom out. Be very thankful for a parent that is reaching out to you. Follow her guidance. She has your best interest at heart. You are her flesh and blood and what affects you affects her. You will probably be surprised at how quickly you will heal from this if you will just let your mom help,

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Brad on Sat Sep 23 11:32:09 2000 (#762)

She has now started to chek my arms, to see if I have cut more. She did it yesterday, and she was sad I think to see that I had cut more. She says it`s gonna be alright, and that the doc will help me. But I`m not sure. I haven`t cut since monday, and I`m proud of that. My mom did hid all my knives, razors and other cutting things, but not good enough, because I found them. I don`t want to stop in one way, but in another I do. I don`t want to have the scars, because they are getting harder to hide and explain. I did wear t-shirts with my first 5-10 scars, but now there is so many I cant just say it`s nothing or explain them. People will not belive me.I have problems in my love life, and this week they came up again, but I stayd away from the cutting, but I don`t know for how long I will managed that. By the way, where are you all from, and how old are you? Have you been cutting for long? Does anybody know?

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Linda on Mon Sep 25 03:56:07 2000 (#764)

Hi Brad, Your mom sure sounds sweet. I can not even imagine the pain she must be going through as she deals with it. You asked everyone for personal details, I will let you know up front that I am not a cutter. I came here in search of information to try to help a close friend. I have been here for about 6 months. I used to check every day, several times a day but I am a little too busy right now. I have made friends with quite a few of you and enjoyed it immensely. You have taught me much. I am a Christian mother of 3 (22,20 and 15). I am 54 years old. If you want to see my family go to www.picturetrail.com and enter my member name "Svdbygs". And by the way, I believe I am in the minority on here. Most everyone else is much younger and actually a cutter, so far as I know.

Re: I`ve told my mother....
Posted by Jen on Sat Sep 30 03:03:11 2000 (#777)

Brad, i'm proud of you that you told your mother. This is new to her and she's trying her best to handle it the right way. Which is by checking you and hiding everything. Your doctor won't laugh at you. If he does, find a new one. Someone else said it, and they're right, some doctors are ignorant. When you go, your doctor is just going to help you find out new ways of dealing with the pain, instead of cutting. About myself, I am 20 years old and have been cutting for about 6 months. Like you, I do it just about everyday. But I use my legs so noone can see. My mom saw them once, and asked about it, but I flat out lied to her. I wish I had the courage you have to tell the truth. If you e-mail me, I'll give oyu an address to a good SI site. Or you can IM me anytime. alias5RN Feel free to talk to me anytime. You've already made the first step: you admitted you have a problem. Not it's up to you if you want to stop. I would say yes, go to the doctor. You can always refuse to go back. But please, give it at least one chance.

feeling hurt and hopeless
Posted by ameth on Wed Sep 20 06:57:51 2000 (#747)

i went for 5 months with out cutting myself..but lately i 've been getting into so many fights with my boyfriend that i started again. and i lost all my friends a while ago so i have no one to turn to. i'm getting scared and i don't know how to deal with anything. i've been thinking of suicide for the past month now and i'm not sure what to do...

Re: feeling hurt and hopeless
Posted by Maggie on Wed Sep 20 07:13:34 2000 (#749)

Is your boyfriend worth dying for? If you guys are having so many problems that it makes you cut yourself, and think of death, is it a healthy relationship??? But I can empathise with you about that, it was a significant male that triggered me to start again too. Think about yourself though, and do what's in your best interests. Why did you lose all your friends??? You do have friends here though, so you are not completely alone. :) Email me if you wanna talk more. Take Care.

Re: feeling hurt and hopeless
Posted by jen on Sat Sep 30 03:16:25 2000 (#778)

Maggie's right. They're not worth it. It's easy to say that you want to die. I've said it many times. But when it comes down to it, you have so much more to live for. I know, that phrase is used too much, but it's true. The best thing to do is to talk about it. Try to find someone you can really talk to and vent. Even if you resort to writing. At least you get it out. Anyway, I'll stop rambling. Just think.

Hi
Posted by Kate on Thu Sep 21 03:04:46 2000 (#754)

I just wanted to say hi. I don't cut anymore but I still want to be here for you guys. I still have problems and i still see a therapist. i still have low self esteem but I am working on it. I just thought you should know because if I can do it you can.

Re: Hi
Posted by kristina on Sat Sep 23 04:26:57 2000 (#759)

congratulations. good luck. thanks for the encouragement :)

nothing
Posted by mallory on Thu Sep 21 15:38:26 2000 (#756)

hey, i havent checked up on this site for a while. i started school. and i whent into the bathroom and there was this grrrl in the stall beside me, throwing up. i aM so worryd. there are so many more cutters in my school. i feel so horrible.

Re: nothing
Posted by kristina on Sat Sep 23 04:28:45 2000 (#760)

i dont understand, u mean she was making herself throw up? y do u feel horrible?

I took a pole.....
Posted by Christine on Sat Sep 23 03:12:36 2000 (#757)

Hay I tolk a pole and went around asking people if they ever intentionally hurt themselfes 36 people said yes and 41 people said no.I just thought I'd tell you guys that cuz it made me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who does it most only did it once or twice it kinda sad to think there are so many people doing this.ok bye

Re: I took a pole.....
Posted by kristina on Sat Sep 23 04:30:21 2000 (#761)

true that

Where are you from?
Posted by Maggie on Sun Sep 24 08:30:50 2000 (#763)

Is anyone here from New Zealand???

uuugh
Posted by Neal on Tue Sep 26 23:41:40 2000 (#766)

Ok, just found this site and been reading a few of the previous entries. I just want to say that I'm 18, from a happy and stable background had a wonderful childhood but that once I started to grow up I became more introverted spending all my time in libraries reading and avoiding people, everything turned ugly, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgust. I couldn't tell anyone. Then at 16 I went out for the first time with a girl and she told me about cutting herself. This was the most shocking thing I'd ever heard and couldn't understand how anyone could do this. No matter how depressed I ever felt I never tried to mutilate myself. Soon after we broke up. However I began to be racked with guilt about being so unsupportive towards her. I started to hate myself more. I didn't like going out, I hated school, I hated people for not seeing how upset I was. I started to cry for no reason. Then one day after reading an autobiography about Richey James from MSP, while at work I took a pair of scissors and drew the edge across my arm, I was just so completely bored with my life and fed up. But the relief was great. I've cutting myself for 2yrs now, sometimes because I'm bored sometimes because I can't ever sleep, sometimes guilt at not being a better person. I've never said this before to anyone especially as I'm male and everyone would think I was completely fucked up for being like this. But I don’t want to stop, I like doing it. It feels good. Its weird because I don’t see myself as being different but even from my own reaction when I first heard of SI, I know people are disturbed by this. Sometimes its like banging your head against a brick wall over and over again. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat for days at a time, my head hurts. And everywhere I look are blank faces, people to afraid to look into each others eyes and see the same desperation staring staight back at them. I can’t explain why I feel like this. There’s no explanation why I get so upset like this. Anyway thanks for listening If anyone feels similar I'd love to hear from you just to know I'm not alone

Re: uuugh
Posted by Jen on Wed Sep 27 00:10:56 2000 (#767)

Oh God yeah, I'm the same way. Neal just because you are a guy doesn't make the pain any different. SI isn't gender dependant. Sure not many guys do it, but they're still out there. Everyone cuts for a different reason. Just do what makes you happy. If SI makes you happy, then go for it.

Re: uuugh
Posted by blue rose on Wed Sep 27 02:43:30 2000 (#768)

Um, no. Don't go for it. Are you in pain (psychologicly, I mean)? Are you trying to find a way to cope with it? Do you want to keep cutting because you know it works to make you feel a little more safe, a little more sane, and even a little more human? Don't cling to this, whatever it is that is making you so desparate. And, espessially don't cling to the false sense of reality that cutting is a good thing and doesn't need to be overcome. Help yourself, please. Contrary to popular belief, you are worth it.

Stay safe, my friend.

Re: uuugh
Posted by Lost on Wed Sep 27 02:47:56 2000 (#769)

God, I feel the same way... but it upsets me so much to know that someone else actually feels the pain that i do, you know? I'm one of those people who's constantly in pain, but i HATE for other people to be in pain. I don't cut anymore (although I want to A LOT) but I'm 17/female and I had cut from 12/13- 16. Well, I totally know how you feel. I'm very anti-social now... and if i do go around people, they all seem so fake to me. I'd rather spend time alone in a dark room than in at a big crowded party (I used to be the opposite) I don't understand it. But anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what ur saying.

mood swings
Posted by Lost on Wed Sep 27 03:09:34 2000 (#770)

I've been having really bad mood swings lately. They're uncontrollable! For no reason I'll just be pissed off and don't want anyone around me. the next second I'll be violent and then the NEXT second, I could be smiling and laughing as if i was never mad in the first place... and then the next second, I'll be crying. I cry for wierd stuff now. Stuff that isn't even sad. I don't know. The thing i hate the most is that the angry moods are becoming the most frequent. I don't get it and I don't want to go on meds because all they did was make me all HUGE! Does anyone know how to control mood swings or have any advice on what to do? ok thanks

Re: mood swings
Posted by Mariel on Sat Sep 30 18:11:50 2000 (#779)

Well listen you mood swings could be due to many different things. I am a major in psycology and i could easily tell you to get that checked out. To me you show signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder. As for the crying, that may be linked to depression or may already be. Feel free to email me and talk to me about your concerns or questions.

Words of Wisdom
Posted by Linda on Wed Sep 27 04:47:51 2000 (#771)

I saw this saying somewhere and thought it to be very beneficial and thought provoking. "HOPE is like the sun. When you face it, the shadow of your burden falls behind you."

Frustration
Posted by Maggie on Wed Sep 27 12:21:39 2000 (#772)

My SI has been getting worse lately, so I finally made a move to get some professional help. It turns out that there is a 4 WEEK WAITING LIST for my first consultation at this specialist clinic, even though I have a doctor's referral. Meanwhile, I can't stop myself, and so by the time I get there, I will have heaps more scars, and then they'll think I'm even more mental than they would now.

First time at the doctor....
Posted by Brad on Wed Sep 27 19:03:45 2000 (#773)

Hi everybody! Today was my apointment with the doctor. I was really nervous, and almoust convinct my mother to cancel the appointment, but it didn`t work.

The doctor asked me all these questions about my relationship with my mom/dad/myself, why I cut, with what , for how long and what my feelings where beefore, during and after.

At first I didn`t say anything, but he was really nice to me, and in the end I said a few words. I`m going back in two weeks, and in the mean time he want`s me to take notes of my feelings before, during and after cutting myself, and what my thought was if I wanted to cut but didn`t.

He found out I have a depresion, and he`s gonna contact a psycologist.

When I left I felt this huge need of cutting, and I went to my car, but didn`t find anything sharp enough. I thought about stopping and bying a racor, but I didn`t wanna cut outside a shop, so I went home. The urge to cut wasn`t so big when I came home, but I cut a little. First time in one and a half week. It was just a little cut, but it bleeded much. I felt satisfaction afterwards.

Re: First time at the doctor....
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Sep 28 01:43:14 2000 (#774)

I know how that is. I went to a therapist for my first time two weeks ago. She was really nice but I felt like cutting afterwards. I didn't, but the urge has gotten worse.

I haven't cut for about twelve days. This is a big achievement for me, but right now I really need to cut. The second time my therapist saw me, she asked if I had cut and I said no, and I'm afraid I'll cut this week. I really don't want to disappoint everyone after I've gotten this far. It seems like a waste. But maybe the next time I will be able to stop for two or more weeks.

Do you want to stop cutting or not? Because if you don't want to stop you really shouldn't let anyone force you, it will just make it worse. My parents tried to make me stop cutting and I just ended up cutting deeper.

Cutting is not a healthy habit and I would NOT reccommend it. If you can stop then please do it. I would not want you to get too addicted. Don't let anyone tell you that you're weird or insane or anything. Find someone you can talk to (even on the internet) and let them help you. It is very hard to stop when you're all alone, so please try to find friends.

I hope I've helped, Dark Angel

Sorry
Posted by Dark Angel on Fri Sep 29 03:40:48 2000 (#775)

I am so sorry everyone. I feel like I've let everyone down. As some of you may know, I haven't cut for 12 days. Tonight, I cut and let everyone down. I will have to tell my therapist and probably my family. I tried so very hard, and I cut again. I feel like a waste. Please write to me, I'm very depressed and this time the cut has gotten deeper and longer. Please tell me I'm worth more than I think, because I'm feeling so low and unimportant. And I feel so sorry for cutting. I failed. :( From the Darkest Angel of all

Re: Sorry
Posted by blue rose on Fri Sep 29 23:34:37 2000 (#776)

Do NOT be sorry. You owe nothing to anyone except yourself. Don't stop cutting for us, don't stop cutting for your parents, and especially don't stop cutting for your therapist, no matter how wonderful she is. Stop cutting for yourself. You are so important and you have to learn to love yourself. That just made my sound like a hippie, sorry. But seriously, there is no more important reason to stop cutting than to stop for yourself. We all love you and want you to be happy, but if you don't do it for yourself, it will be harder for you to succeed. And no matter what you think you are, you are no failure.

From the Bluest Rose of all

Re: Sorry
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 30 21:03:13 2000 (#782)

I'm just really depressed and my therapist (the devil herself) is making my mom check my body every day, seach my room, and read my journal. I have no privacy and they already know that I cut again. Also, my therapist says that if I cut once more, she will have me hospitalized. I hate her!

Lost or confused?
Posted by Mariel on Sat Sep 30 18:22:11 2000 (#780)

well i have been through everything. My life has been nothing but bad. I am an 18/f i used to cut for about 5 years. I recently stopped and regained my confidence. At the same time without continuing to do it i feel lost or that i am missing something.(background : i started cutting only due to anorexia/bulimia which i still suffer from) Its been helpful for me to talk to people who have endured the same type of problems. Believe it or not i major in psychology and i love it. It helps me b/c i can use my experiences to learn. Some one give me a lift - help me understand even more.

Sad
Posted by Kate on Sat Sep 30 20:51:17 2000 (#781)

I am feel down today. I don't know why, I was doing so well. I feel lonely and depressed. I feel so tempted to cut. I don't know if I want to give in or to try not to.

Re: Sad
Posted by Maggie on Sun Oct 1 08:08:03 2000 (#783)

You don't want to give in! Take a nap, go shopping, ring a friend or do anything that may keep you occupied and without the opportunity for you to cut. When you are half-hearted about whether you should cut, the worse thing you can do is dwell on the idea, but if you distract yourself you may lose interest temporarily. It works for me sometimes...

If you feel lonely and want to talk, you can email me... :) Good Luck.

Re: Sad
Posted by Kate on Sun Oct 1 17:47:10 2000 (#784)

Thank you I appreciate your help. I did not cut yesterday and I am glad i didn't. I feel better today.

out of love
Posted by blue rose on Sun Oct 1 20:57:21 2000 (#785)

"I want you to promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore."

How is one supposed to respond to this? How am I supposed to tell someone I love that I can't make a promise like that? That I can't stop this, that I can't even fathom how I could survive without this? I don't want to die. It might get better. might get better? I hope, and that's all I can do.

But what is love anyway? Does it really matter as much as I'm letting it? "...love is for fools who fall behind..." I'm stopping now.

Re: out of love
Posted by cajunfur on Mon Oct 2 02:44:44 2000 (#790)

Is there anyway you could just say, I can't promise you that, but I'll try. Or just say that you can't promise that? I know it's not that easy, but its probably the best thing. Just say that you'd like to be able to stop (if you do), but that you don't want to make a promise you're not sure you can keep. I know it's easier to say than to do. Hang in there.

Re: out of love
Posted by melissa on Mon Oct 2 20:07:07 2000 (#796)

blue rose, i love you very much. even though i dont know you face to face, and to me that matters. love does matter. most of us cut because it has something to do with not feeling loved enough. well, for me anyway. im going through the same thing with my b/f marcus. and we have been going out for nearly 7 months. he always asked me to make promises like that. i feel so awful telling him that i cant, and it always starts these long conversations about how much we love e/o. your b/f probably doesnt realize why you do it (but we really dont know why we cut either) and how hard it is to stop cutting. he just cant bare the thought of you hurting yourself. explain to him exactly how you feel about his promise. if he cares about you like we all hope he does he will try to understand and be there for you when you need him. and if you deside to take me up on this and things dont go as planned im here for you and we all love you.

~~~~love always

melissa

Help
Posted by rachel on Sun Oct 1 23:47:23 2000 (#788)

hi. ive now been cutting for about 6 months. im extremely unhappy and depressed. my mum saw my arm for the very first time last night and shes totally freaked out and is sending me to a psychiatrist on thursday. she hasnt told my dad yet (there divorced) but i know when he finds out he will go totally mad. im really worried bout seeing a psychiatrist because i have alarge red cut going down the centre of my wrist, deos anyone know how i can get the scar to fade quicker? help me, im confused and very unhappy with my life, i dont know what to do. e mail me or reply please. thankyou.

Re: Help
Posted by cajunfur on Mon Oct 2 02:48:09 2000 (#791)

Vitamin e oil and cocoa butter can help cuts heal, as can neosporin or something like that. But it probably won't heal all the way that quick. Could you just wear long sleeves? Try not to worry about seeing the psychiatrist. Just try not to think about it. I've been there, done that. E-mail me and let me know how it goes, if you want to. I know some psychs really know what they're doing, and a few are just plain ignorant. E-mail me if you have any other questions. Take care.

Re: Help
Posted by rachel on Mon Oct 2 20:33:11 2000 (#797)

thanx 2 both of u. so, what do either of you know what happens the 1st time you see your psychiatrist? thanx

Re: Help
Posted by yumyum on Mon Oct 2 12:10:09 2000 (#794)

preperation H and vitamin E oil. it won't make a difference how fresh it looks though.

Re: Help
Posted by Christine on Wed Oct 4 08:16:46 2000 (#819)

neosporin and cocobutter or some lotion w/ alot of vitamin e

alone
Posted by whitney on Mon Oct 2 11:41:27 2000 (#792)

is anyone on now?

Re: alone
Posted by whitney on Mon Oct 2 11:44:45 2000 (#793)

i feel so alone. i just cut up my arm...and i don't feel better. i can't sleep. if anyone is on, please talk to me.

im sorry
Posted by melissa on Mon Oct 2 19:06:58 2000 (#795)

im sorry i havent been here lately. well actually i come here nearly every day , but i just cant seem to write anything. my life is pretty f*cked up right now and i just dont know where to start. i find myself not being able to talk about anything anymore...to anyone. i wish i could because its building up and its killing me inside. i wish i knew what was wrong w/me. but sometimes i dont even care, i just want to die. i havent cut in about 2 weeks but its sooooooooo hard. and honestly, i dont want to try anymore. i mean why am i trying in the 1st place? because every1 else wants me to? i dont want to. but EVERY1 else says its not right , that i need help or that i need to find another way to cope with things. i sometimes think that maybe they're right, that i really do need some serious help. the other day i shared these same thoughts with someone i know and they replied "no matter how you word it you know its not right". now i dont know whats true...right or wrong. but just as a thought, who makes us believe that its not normal? thyrapists, phyciatrists, doctors of sorts, people who dont do it right? ... not ourselfs. so who is to say what we're doing it wrong? i'll admit the scars arnt pretty. but i did this to myself. and that is my fault... and sometimes i dont want "help". all i want is to feel loved and not so alone and for someone to let me know that im not crazy.

~~~~love always

melissa

Re: im sorry
Posted by rachel on Mon Oct 2 20:51:37 2000 (#798)

hiya, ure really strong to be able to not cut for 2 weeks so try and hold on in there ok. u cant stop cutting for other people, ive tried that and i know it doesnt work, u must do it for yourself. ive been reading your other messages in the past and i just wanna say if u ever need to talk 2 someone u can e mail me. u said 'all i want is to feel loved and not so alone and for someone to let me know that im not crazy. ' and that is exactly how i feel too so ure not alone. what u have said describes me perfectly so just try to b strong, were all here for you. *hug*. ure not crazy.

Re: im sorry
Posted by melissa on Mon Oct 2 22:08:00 2000 (#799)

thank you rachel, for letting me know that you care. but what i was trying to say in my post was...i dont think theres anything wrong with me 9sometimes). and what if there isnt? what if we just think that because thats what we have been told? i admit that there is something wrong with wanting to kill myself but the cutting ... what if thats just a way to release my sadness anger and frustration? and its not really wrong or sick like other people think it is.

~~~~love always

melissa

Re: im sorry
Posted by rachel on Mon Oct 2 22:25:28 2000 (#801)

hi. i dont think theres anythnig wrong with me but everyone else thnks there is cosi have suicidal tendencies and slit y wrists and armsvery badly, but if other people think im mad thats there opinion not mine. sometimes when i imagine throwing myself out of the window i dount my sanity but then lots of people on here think the same so whos 2 say its not normal. i know cutting isnt wrong or sick its just a way to cope.

rachel/and ay1 else who wants to listen
Posted by melissa on Tue Oct 3 01:43:16 2000 (#805)

thank you for understanding me. its good to know that someone feels the same as i do. but saying it and hearing it are two different things. and now that i have read what you wrote i feel bad. i dont think anyone should want to die or hurt themselves. im not saying its right and im not saying its wrong ... im just saying that ..............well i dont know what im saying. i hope that you dont try to kill yourself. and i think im also saying that im just really sad. i just want someone to care about me the way i need. im sure people do , i know they do. but i need more, i thrive for it. i want someone to hold me, to understand me, to answer my questions, to want me, not just to need me around but to actually want me around. i feel so selfish all the time. i wish i understood myself. i feel so alone, i dont know why.

~~~~love always

melissa

Re: rachel/and ay1 else who wants to listen
Posted by rachel on Tue Oct 3 19:44:51 2000 (#806)

u know if what u want is selfish than i am also a very selfish person. what i want most of all is someone to be there for me and just to hug me and hold me when i feel alone and unhappy. ive never actually tried to kill myself but ive come very close, and i dont trust myself at all. i know its really different for someone to say they care about you on here but people do and want to be there for you and although its not the same as having someone with you and someone holdong and understanding you, we are all here for you.

Re: rachel/and ay1 else who wants to listen
Posted by melissa on Tue Oct 3 19:54:57 2000 (#807)

thank you rachel

Re: rachel/and ay1 else who wants to listen
Posted by rachel on Tue Oct 3 21:19:49 2000 (#808)

thats ok, just so long as u know what i mean. bye. stay safe.

why?
Posted by melissa on Mon Oct 2 22:21:35 2000 (#800)

why do any of us come to this board? i dont understand. i mean, yeah its great talking with people who cut just like i do. but what good is it doing? i dont mean to affend anybody by saying that, its just im really fucked up. and i feel like no one is listening to me. people say they are but i still feel like they're not. i dont know what kind of response im hoping for... maybe a big one or maybe it doesnt matter. i dont care. i dont care about anything anymore. and another thing...why am i always so negative? i have so many questions that no one can answer...and what good would an answer do anyway? well before i piss everyone off...

~~~~love always

melissa

Re: why?
Posted by Lost on Mon Oct 2 22:33:21 2000 (#802)

Well, I don't mean to offend anyone either but I honestly think that this place sort of does more bad than good. I mean people who cut (including myself) feel that there is something wrong with them (and I don't know if there is or isn't) BUT I do know that it isn't "normal" (who's to say what normal is?) But when people come here, it makes them think that what they are doing is Ok because there are so many people who do it... so it makes them think there is nothing wrong with it (MY OPINION) Like if a heroin addict wants to quit doing heroin, yet he constantly has contact with other current heroin addicts, it is, in my opinion, going to make them think that its ok to do it. you know? I can't really explain it. I mean, I like coming to this board and everything... but I have found that staying away from it and only visiting every-so-often is better for me than visiting daily. BUT maybe I'm wrong about all of this... this is just my opinion and I'm not here to piss anyone off.

Its good to know that you're not alone... but its not good to think that because you are not alone that it makes what you do ok.

sorry if i offended anyone or if anyone has a problem with what I said.

Stay Safe, Lost

Re: why?
Posted by rachel on Mon Oct 2 22:33:42 2000 (#803)

the board doesnt really do much good or bad for me but it does show me that im not the only person who cuts themselves. if you dont ask all ure qu. u will never know if any1 can answer you, and u never know an answer might help. ok sorry to post u a message again. bye.

Re: why?
Posted by blue rose on Tue Oct 3 01:37:24 2000 (#804)

It's all a matter of perspective. When you come here with the intention of recieving solace in the fact that you are intentionally harming yourself and, therefore, making it a little less wrong, then you have the wrong attitude. With all this discussing between self-injury being right or wrong I think all of us have come up with an answer that we don't want to admit to ourselves. It is wrong. If it wasn't wrong then why would we be hurting as much as we do because we injure ourselves? Yes, it is a coping mechanism, one that has kept me alive for a very long time, but, all in all, i'm just destroying myself. I'm scaring people away, i'm secluding mylself, i'm tempting death to take it's toll. It is not right.

My perspective is a bit different then all of yours, i think. I come here to release what's been hiding and rotting in my mind. I want to get it out, get rid of all the shit. I could use the analogy of this place being a virtual toilet bowl and all the shit of my mind is being flushed down some information superhighway, right to you, so you don't feel like a fucking freak just because you hurt. I'm not justifying anything, just letting it out and, very thankfully, getting some badly needed support. I hope i've helped you all as much as you've helped me, if it was even half as much, it would be worth it.

Stay safe, my friends.

Re: why?
Posted by Linda on Tue Oct 3 23:13:24 2000 (#809)

Well, Melissa, I come here to find you kids that need the hugs. I want to help but, of course, these internet hugs can only go so far. I do have a suggestion, though. Is it possible, that this board allows you a time to concentrate on someone else's problems for a while and give you the opportunity to think further than yourself? If that opportunity is used, it could be beneficial to you also. I thank you all for your posts. It has helped me understand depression and SI much better. ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))) ))))))))There's one internet hug for the whole group!

Thanks
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Oct 4 03:17:53 2000 (#814)

Thanks Linda. I have needed a hug for such a long time. My parents are making me feel so alone while trying to help me. I know they're doing it to help, and show that they love me, but I just get more depressed every time they do another thing to invade my privacy, or take me to that awful therapist. I just feel so uniportant, stupid, even unloved, even though I know I'm not. I just want to feel as special as "normal" people.

thank you, but im sorry
Posted by melissa on Tue Oct 3 23:27:33 2000 (#810)

thank you everyone for letting me know that you care. i wish i could be happy. nothing helps, im sorry. i was suppose to go pn meds today but i was put off again. i have been put off so many times. i have no one anymore. i dont know whats wrong with me and nobody has the right answers. im tired of being let down. theres nothing that anybody can say to make me feel better. i feel so shitty that the fact that you guys are trying to help me isnt working. i do love you guys though. but i dont want anyone to try anymore ... i want to die.

~~~~love always

Re: thank you, but im sorry
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Oct 4 03:25:14 2000 (#815)

I've just realized something I can do, and I don't know if you can do it, but it might help. I just shut off, change, or stop my emotions and senses. For example: I can stop feeling hungry and not eat for several days. It's also useful for feelings. My parents make me depressed, so I just shut down until I can completely ignore it all. It probably is a bad thing, but I am so sick of crying and wishing I was normal and wishing I didn't have to see a therapist.... Don't try it if you're not sure. I just like changing my emotions to being happy when I'm really depressed. The feeling is still inside, but at least everyone else doesn't know. Don't try to not get help ok? If you really want to feel better than you just can't ignore advice. But I know what it's like. You CAN control your feelings. Sometimes it takes time, but it works.

new here
Posted by Butterfly on Wed Oct 4 00:15:00 2000 (#811)

Hi, I've never been here before, but I thought it would be good to meet some people who have the same problems I do. I have been hurting myself since I was about 13. Only ever really talked to one person about it, my cousins, who, oddly enough, seems to understand why I do what I do. I write a lot of poetry, some of it is about cutting. I don't cut so much any more, mostly I just pick at my skin. I guess I can only have so many scars to hide. does anyone know that song Name by the Goo Goo Dolls? It has a line "Scars are souvenirs we never lose." That's me. I'd like to make friends with some of you, or all of you. Just to have somebody to talk to. My e-mail is lorij60@hotmail.com. Thanks for listening.

I've done it just now.
Posted by Butterfly on Wed Oct 4 03:48:33 2000 (#816)

Okay I am new here. My first post is above this one. I've just cut a two inch place on my leg. It's the most blood I've ever drawn and it really scared me. I cleaned it up and bandaged it. I thought it was under control, but I guess I was wrong. Somebody talk to me, if it's not too much trouble. Butterfly

death
Posted by melissa on Wed Oct 4 03:52:43 2000 (#817)

i have these visions and dreams of me stabbing myself in the stomach. im not scared though. i just want to die. im not scared of dying. im scared of being caught. like all the other times. i want t hurt myself so bad. i hate everything about me. i want to cut big chunks of skin off of my body. i want to end it all...the pain the lack of happiness the suffering and people that make me feel awful life period .... sorry do bring u all down

Re: death
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 20:59:07 2000 (#830)

i have those dreams too. i sit in my room dreaming about cutting of sections of my arms and cutting myself in the ways ive always wanted and slashing my wrists deeper. i cant sit by windows because i so desperatly want to jump out of them and end it all. i guess right now i am scared of dying cos i cant actually do it but i know one day i will..

epilogue
Posted by blue blue rose on Wed Oct 4 04:15:11 2000 (#818)

Making promises you can't keep will get you no where. If I died right now would that go against anything I've said to anyone? Would that make me a hypocrite? I tell you it's all worth living and I am right now contemplating my own self induced death. No one cares about me, but, then again, no one cares about anyone else either. It's all a vicious cycle of woe is me, woe is me but we forget that others hurt too. Would he hurt if he no longer had my hand to hold? Would she hurt if she lost her best friend, would he hurt if he no longer had someone whom with he has the deepest friendship one could hope for? Would she be sad if she couldn't come to me with her problems? Would you? Would I be sad if no one would hurt? I'm not too sure. My hands shake at the thought of them seeing me so lonely. Who am I to take my life away from them? Who are they to stop me? Would it really matter? In about 3 to 9 months they won't remember the color of my eyes, or how I laughed, or the things I said that made them laugh or cry or just sit and think. They'll remember me, you don't forget something like this. It stays with you. Not the person or the death, but the circumstances. And, ten years from now they'll say, "What a fucking idiot." What a shame. Too bad I won't be around to defend myself.

Re: epilogue
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Oct 5 00:57:28 2000 (#844)

I would care. You're not an idiot. You're a nice caring person. I don't knwo the color of your eyes or your hair, but I know that I would miss you very very much if you died. Your words have such meaning to them. I don't want to see you lonely, I don't want to see you suffer. I don't want anyone to suffer. The world is just too cruel for all of us. Maybe we would be better off dead. Than all those stubborn, mean, cruel people can see how much they've hurt us. So much to drive us over the edge. I'm sorry this message didn't turn out the way I expected. It was meant to compassionate, but I just don't feel like I get enough love to be compassionate. Like anyone cares about me! That's really selfish. I bet everyone cares about me....yeah right! I am so selfish. I just keep telling everyone about my problems. Mine aren't worth anything. I wish I wasn't so selfish. Well, anyway, I care very much about you Rose, I wish I could cheer you up in some way. How about a smile?? :) :) :) :) :)

Faith
Posted by Christine on Wed Oct 4 08:54:09 2000 (#820)

I'm questioning faith is there a higher power or am I just f*cked up.Every one has a different belife or opinion I just have no clue.I dont know what to belive in.I dont know who I am all I know is this world is a messed up place and I'd like to be dead I'm not going to go try any thing.The hopelessness is way to much and life is way to fucked up and I'm way to messed up and my life is a bunch of bs that I cant stand.I havent cut in a long time but now I cant look in the mirror and not want to.I look in the mirror and see what no what else sees, the truth they don't know and if I told anyone about what i'v done of want to do they'd think I was crazy.I am so depressed I cant cut all I want to do is end my pathetic life but I cant cuz I'm so wraped up in my little world and I sleep all day and nite exept for when I work and even when I'm there I just want to go to bed.I think I just feel like shit cuz I am and thats what the divine old god wanted me to be

Re: Faith
Posted by Linda on Wed Oct 4 17:59:39 2000 (#824)

Oh Christine! You are asking all the right questions. YES there is a God and believe me He knows all about you and He loves you anyway. He just wants you to come to Him in faith! He said if anyone came to Him he would in no wise cast Him out...but you must come by faith, believing that He is and is the rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. You are His creation and He wants the best for you! Write me if you want to know more, I would love to help.

Re: Faith
Posted by blue rose on Fri Oct 6 20:34:54 2000 (#884)

I have something to say on this subject. Maybe this is for my own well-being and should be a post of it's own, but I think it fits here. I believe in God, I believe in him with all my heart and soul. I know Jesus loves me unconditionally and wishes he could help me but he just can't. Why can't he help me, or you, or anyone? Why are their wars and starving and murder and rape and all the hiddeous things that people do to each other? Because people do them, not God. The greatest gift he gave us, in my opinion, is free will. The right to do whatever we want whenever we want. If you think about it, the only thing in life you absolutely have to do is die. You have no choice in that matter. So, God gave us this free will and all of us abuse it, some in worse ways than others, but all in all, we all sin.("For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" right Linda?) I don't want to turn this board into a big theological debate, I just want to clear up some things. The people who have hurt us and who continue to hurt us, and even ourselves choosing go hurt ourselves, is all a product of free will. God isn't making it happen, we are. I don't believe there is a "Great Plan" but I do believe that there is a purpose. There is a reason for our hurt, it won't go to waste. I don't know the reason and I don't really care to just yet. But I know someday, maybe after I've died, I'll find out. But, until then, I'll continue to hurt without knowing why.

NO SUICIDE!
Posted by Maggie on Wed Oct 4 12:30:44 2000 (#821)

The last 3 postings have all been about the desire to die, and almost threats to do so...

Melissa, Blue Rose, Christine... PLEASE DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS AS AN OPTION. You may not find much comfort in these words, but I, and everyone else who comes to these rooms to make friends with people like yourselves, would be devastated if that happened. I don't know you well, and there is not much I can do for you from here, but when I started visiting this site, getting to know about you, my life improved so much. I think that we all feel lonely, that we all feel that same hopelessness, but there has to be a reason for it. Maybe it's a test of endurance, maybe if we can get through this, we can get through anything... But suicide is not dealing with the problems. You'll be creating more... You guys have all given me courage to keep going, because of your bravery and will to battle this. If you were to give in, then I'm sure many of us will feel more desperate than we do now. I empathise with all of you, and I feel like I belong to a group of the most incredibly courageous people, so please don't let me down. I love you, and I really wish I could do more to help, but all I can do is try make you realise how important you are to us all...

Please take care. Email me anytime Love Maggie

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by who cares on Wed Oct 4 16:05:13 2000 (#822)

i dont want to deal w/the problems. i never did and never even said i did. and im not brave im not couragous im confused and the fact that im still here this wasnt my choice i wasnt trying to fight to stay alive or not cut. i was forced. but little did i know that ,yes, i do still have a choice . and i want to take myself up on it. we all have a choice. if any of you really do care ... why? i mean if i die you wouldnt even know about it. did u ever think about that. and if my name never appears on this board again it will just be like "she must have just stopped coming" what happened to half the people that came here that we dont see anymore? does anyone even care? im not saying that any of you are bad people thats not at all what im saying, im saying that we're human and these are just human thoughts. and for me, i dont want them anymore. i dont want the bad the good the sad the happy. i hate life in a whole. whats the point? we're born we stay a while and then we die. people say if i were to kill myself i would be missing out, or how will i know what i would have become, or even i'll never have the chance to think up all the good memories. but you know what? when you die ... what do u remember? , how will whatever you became matter to you?, and how will i know what im missing out on? these things might have an effect on other lives, but only until they die. and by the way what does it matter if someone dies happy or not? is that person going to know that once they're dead ... nope. im sorry if nobody understands any of this. well i do and they're my thoughts ... on suicide. i want to die.

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by Linda on Wed Oct 4 18:09:16 2000 (#825)

I realize that there are those of you who are offended when a message concerning God is left on here and I am extremely sorry if you are offended by this. It is not my intention to cause confusion but to show you some light. Yes, you are right. If you just gave in to these desires for suicide, it is a real possiblity that no one here would know the difference, but there IS a God. He made you in His own image and He has so much in store for you if you will let Him have control of your life. In the last few months I have communicated with so many of you and I am happy to say that Christ has made the difference in at least a couple of lives. He is willing to make a difference in all of you. I don't claim that all your tendencies toward depression will be totally gone because I feel that is a part of your personality that you must deal with on a daily basis. But I do claim that He can give you peace and hope for the future. I claim that He can give you joy in spite of your circumstances. It must be accepted by faith! (((((((((((((((((the whole group))))))))

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by --------- on Wed Oct 4 18:27:21 2000 (#827)

your not listening to anything im saying. thats a problem. i dont believe in god, i cant help that i was brought up that way. but that is not the issue. read what i wrote again, and dont see what you want, see what is there.

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by Linda on Wed Oct 4 21:43:41 2000 (#833)

If I don't really believe you exist, does that have anything to do with reality?-- Just a thought question. If you could believe in God it would make a difference in how you see this. If you can't then it is your choice and I will respect that.

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by ------ on Thu Oct 5 01:33:13 2000 (#845)

i dont think your listening to what i wrote. it has nothing to do about god! i dont think your being fair.

Re: NO SUICIDE!
Posted by Linda on Fri Oct 6 17:41:12 2000 (#882)

Sorry I haven't answered your last post. I kept thinking it was the one before. I did go back and reread the initial post that I was answering posted by "Who Cares". Sweetheart, I think I most certainly did understand what you meant and I still stand by my statement that if you could only believe that there was a God, it would change your thoughts. You see, I believe that there is a God who created you, who knows you and longs to fellowship with you. I believe that we have a choice on this earth if we accept Him to save us from the punishment for our sins. I believe that whether we do that or not, we will face Him after death. I believe that we will know what we have missed and we will be confronted with what we have done in the flesh. My God is so loving and longsuffering that He is not willing that anyone perish and He offers a way of hope to all. I am not judging you if you don't believe that but whether you believe it or not really doesn't change reality. I base my beliefs on the Bible which I believe to be the inerrant word of God, given to humans in Divine inspiration. If I did not have that foundation for my life, how hopeless I would be. How I long to see more of you all understand that magnificent truth!!!

Here's a poem for you
Posted by Butterfly on Wed Oct 4 17:28:35 2000 (#823)

I just got e-mails from Melissa, Linda and Maggie. I was reading some of the earlier post and didn't know there was already a Butterfly in here, so I will change my name to DeliriousButterfly. I have an e-mail under that name, but I don't use it much. I just wanted to say thanks to the three that offered to help me. I have written to all of them and I hope to get to know more of you. I also want to say, we're not crazy. None of us. Alcoholics aren't crazy because they drink, are they? It's the same with us, we just do things differently. Here's a poem I wrote about scars and stuff:

Will you just accept me the way I am? Could you look past the scars on my body and tell me I am enough? Is it okay if I don't always make perfect sense? Would you listen if I wanted to talk about the scars? Could you look at them and not turn away? Touch them and say that scars build character? Will you tell me that they will someday heal and so will my soul? Would you cry for me if I had no tears left?

I think any one of you could do that for me, and I thank you in advance. I'll do the same for you if you need me.

Re: Here's a poem for you
Posted by FallenAngel on Sun Oct 22 20:30:44 2000 (#1057)

I loved your poem. I'm just about to write a post that includes a web address where you can read my poetry. But that's not what I wanted to say. I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you if you need someone to be there for those things. It's easy for me to say that because I need someone to be there for me. The part that really got me was "Would you cry for me if I had no tears left?" I often feel like the only way I can cry is through my skin. Maybe if I had someone things would be different. Lots of hope, FallenAngel

Re: Here's a poem for you
Posted by Linda on Wed Oct 4 18:13:18 2000 (#826)

I have, I can and I will!!!! Promise!!!

god?
Posted by melissa on Wed Oct 4 18:35:36 2000 (#828)

who is to say there's a god? thats not right. i feel like your pushing religion on me and thats not why i come here. i dont mean to offend you linda. you believe in god and thats fine with me. but i wasnt brought up that way. are you going to knock me for that? i dont know why im such a negative person. i always see the bad in things and never the good. that wont change. and i cant be helped, because i know what my problem is and i know what i need and that no one can give me. i think that if someone is destine to kill themself then there is nothing to do that can stop them.

love always, melissa

Re: god?
Posted by Linda on Wed Oct 4 21:32:23 2000 (#832)

Melissa,I answered you personally about this but for the sake of others reading that may feel the same way, let me add another comment. I do respect each one's right to believe whatever they want and would never try to push anyone to believe my way. I have just had so many blessings and benefits for believing this that I want to share. God accepted me with all my sin and I know that He will accept anyone else. We have His word on it!!

HI Linda
Posted by Micha'el on Wed Oct 4 22:41:52 2000 (#837)

Haven't heard from you in ages, how are you? Haven't been here much tho, but then, been on tv!

http://communities.msn. co.uk/MyTearsAreReal

what can I say?
Posted by laura vandegrift (was pedrin) on Wed Oct 4 19:46:04 2000 (#829)

Well, just got back from the doctors. I needed stitches. I was doing good too.... I haden't cut in about 12 hours. I guess I really am not ready to quit. Why does it feel so good? I even use my nails if there is no razor around (which is not often). I hate the fact that I'm not supposed to like doing this. Or maybe that's what I like about it. I don't know. Is there an "anti-cutting" pill? LOL...not that I would take it if there was one. I just feel stuck. I don't feel I need to quit, but it's getting a bit boring. I'm afraid that this boredom will make me want to take my self mutilation to the next level.

Help
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 21:06:18 2000 (#831)

hi everyone, im sorry but im realy unhappy tonight. tomorrow i have to see a psychiatrist for the first time. im scared. i dont know whats gunna happen. can anyone tell me what to expect? i worry alot and so im worrying about this uncontrolabley. please, someone help me.

Re: Help
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Wed Oct 4 22:15:14 2000 (#834)

Hi Rachel,

Seeing a psychiatrist is scary, especially if you've never seen one. There's no right way to deal with them, they're doctors, right? Just try to be calm when you talk to him/her. That can help them to understand that you aren't crazy, because you're not. Don't let them tell you that you are. It's just not true. Are alcoholics crazy? No, and they get treated with respect for their problems. If the doc gives you attitude about it, remind them about alcoholics and demand respect and a little kindness. You can e-mail me at lorij60@hotmail.com if you want to talk more. No pressure.

Love, DB

Re: Help
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 23:02:49 2000 (#838)

thanx 4 ure help. ue right im not crazy, i just feel it sometimes when everyone stares at me or when i enter a room and it all goes quiet. well thankyou. stay safe.

oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by Sara on Wed Oct 4 22:19:00 2000 (#835)

Hello everyone, thanks to Linda, I took a few minutes and went back over the months I have missed...I'm sorry I didn't stick around...but so much has happened. In my last post, I told about how I lost so much blood that I fainted...and I was sure, after that, that the cutting was over. Not quite. Last week, I screwed up my wrist with a safety pin, in 2 different places, 2 straight lines made of 30 of 40 scrapes each. It hurt like hell...but God it was what I needed. I was sexually abused by my aunt's husband just recently, and my other uncle tried to kill himself...I have a little cousin in a mental hospital, and my school situation is deteriorating rapidly...classes are harder, people are stupid, and it's almost impossible to continue getting by in our school situation. There's so much crank flowing through my halls sometimes I think my head will bust. Tomorrow is my 14th birthday, and already I have seen and lived through so much more than my years should have allowed...happy birthday to me.

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by Micha'el on Wed Oct 4 22:35:03 2000 (#836)

Hi Sara - Happy 14th Birthday, and I hope you stay safe - Micha'el

http://communities.msn. co.uk/MyTearsAreReal

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by Sara on Thu Oct 5 03:10:31 2000 (#850)

Thank you very much. :) I'm trying my hardest....

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 23:05:59 2000 (#839)

hey, just wanted 2 say happy birthday 2 you. stay safe

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by Sara on Thu Oct 5 03:12:17 2000 (#851)

Thank you so much...as I said in my last response, I am trying my hardest to stay safe. It just seems as though as soon as I think everything is OK, it gets bad again...you know?

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by melissa on Thu Oct 5 01:39:42 2000 (#846)

im so sorry. i know what you mean. i just got out of a mental hospitol and i just cant handle school anymore. i cant believe that happened to you ... im really sorry, put his ass in jail. ive been through alot too. a lot that people dont know, for you to be able to talk about makes you so much stronger than i. it really sux about experiancing more than you should at your age, same here, im 15. it might not mean anything but ... happy birthday sara.

~~~~love always,

melissa

Re: oh so long since I've been here...
Posted by Sara on Thu Oct 5 03:19:53 2000 (#853)

Melissa- I wanted to write back and tell you just how nice your message was...I feel your pain, in everything that is going on with you...I think it means a lot to talk to someone not only going through the same things, but also someone who is around the same age. It just makes communication that much easier to get through. I'm sorry about school and the hospital and everything that happened to you...I go by the rule that 'sorry' is a 5-letter word which heals no pain, and yet I continue to feel it. I am sorry, Melissa. And your birthday wishes were VERY much appreciated.

Love Always-

~Sara~

bleeding all over
Posted by laura on Wed Oct 4 23:28:01 2000 (#840)

Well, I just did it again. Is there anyone who understands this? I know that I don't know any of you ~ but I think I need to talk to someone. Not a therapist that learned what to say to me out of a book. I need to talk to someone who UNDERSTANDS.... Please!!!!!!!! Someone let me know that I am ok!!!!!!

Re: bleeding all over
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 23:56:27 2000 (#842)

hey, i will understand u if you want someone to talk to. we all seem to understand oneanotehr here. u can talk to me anytimew you want. dont worry we all cut, i cut every night deeply painfully. ure not alone, we do understand you. ure not insane and ure not at all crazy ure ok. e mail me if u wanna talk alot some more.

Re: bleeding all over
Posted by rachel on Wed Oct 4 23:56:40 2000 (#843)

Re: bleeding all over
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Oct 5 01:40:19 2000 (#847)

You will be okay, even though it doesn't feel like it. Isn't it awful to hate the way you feel? No one should have to feel so bad they cut themselves, but that's life. We all know something about how you feel. It's important to remember that you're not crazy. My grandmother used to say that the only crazy people are the ones whe think that the whole world is crazy and they are the only sane person left. I think about that when I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes the world is just too much. Write me if you want to talk about it.

Love, DB

incase it hasnt been read, and ur interrested
Posted by who cares on Thu Oct 5 01:42:02 2000 (#848)

Re: incase it hasnt been read, and ur interrested
Posted by Maggie on Thu Oct 5 14:22:07 2000 (#860)

I HAVE thought about the people who no longer post messages, and what happened to them... I do understand what you are saying, because I have many times felt the same as you. But I decided to make the choice for life, and I'm glad that I did. Regardless of whether you believe in a God or not - although I do - we are put here for a purpouse. For our lives to have their full meaning, we should see it through the best we can. Suicide is selfish because you ARE hurting others, even though you feel that you wont know what you're missing once you're dead. But those who cared will know what they are missing, and their lives wont mean the same as they did... How do you know that one day you may discover/do something really important that has a positive effect on many people's lives? And if you died prematurely, this wouldn't happen, and many people may miss out because you just gave up. Our lives are not just for ourselves - we are meant to use them to enhance other people's lives. I can only hope you will believe me when I say that I do care about you, and that I would be sad if you died. I just ask you to consider other people before making such decisions. Keep safe...

just an interest---i think its important
Posted by melissa on Thu Oct 5 01:47:32 2000 (#849)

has anyone ever thought about changing the subject in here? just a thought an idea to set our mind off. a/s/l check on everyone =) and what kind of music does everyone in here like? my name is melissa (duh) im 15 and im from florida. i kinda like everything. but mostly alternative and hip hop. oh oh and i really love dj stuff. has anyone in here ever heard that song "i do both jay and jane" ? well i guess ill go now. e-mail me.

~~~~love always,

melissa

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by laura on Thu Oct 5 03:13:51 2000 (#852)

okay.... I'll go along with this. I'm 23, female and live in Seattle, WA (USA). My favorite music... hm... there is a lot. I will start with the obvious. I am a huge Sarah McLachlan fan. My others are Tori Amos, Dido, Tara MacLean, Indigo Girls, Emm Gryner, Mazzy Star, Tracy Chapman, Filter, Nine Inch Nails, NOFX, Bad Religion, Sublime, Residents, Fisher ~ stuff like that. May I make the suggestion that if you haven't gone out and bought Sarah McLachlans "Fumbling towards Ecstacy" CD, that you do. You will love it.

Good Idea
Posted by Lost on Thu Oct 5 03:24:58 2000 (#854)

I think this is a good idea. I'm 17/female. I live in ugly California.... uhm I listen to RAP mostly... thats what I grew up on. I went through my stages of hating rap... and now I just don't care. If I'm not listening to rap, then I'm listening to slow jams (depressing music). If I'm not listening to slow jams then I'm listening to punk (only local bands)... I don't like mainstream punk. Uhm... I don't do much all day. I go to school but thats only from 8-11:30 in the morning (college) and after that I just sit on my booty. I don't party a lot anymore... its just not fun to me anymore. I'm not into drugs that much anymore either... but ANYWAYS. I'm not a girly girl at all. I hate girls clothes and I hate doing hair... the only girly thing about me is my nails. uhmmm I guess thats all since probably no one cares... so uhm yeah.... i think it would be good to change the subject in here a little. :) ok bye guys

Re: Good Idea
Posted by melissa on Thu Oct 5 10:21:56 2000 (#859)

wow! your just like me. thats so great!!! he he. im in a really big rush. but i love you i love you i love you. and i definately write more later today. please keep this up.

love always melissa

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by melissa on Thu Oct 5 10:19:11 2000 (#858)

thanx. no really. as soon as i started reading what you wrote i was smiling. you like some stuff tht i do. filter nin nofx...etc. you remind me of my aunt. shes the coolest person in the world. hey, tell me more about urself. what do u lke to do ...

im in a rush but i love you melissa

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by Lost on Thu Oct 5 18:34:07 2000 (#861)

are you talking to me or laura???

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by laura on Thu Oct 5 19:19:15 2000 (#862)

Thanks...Hm... what do I like to do? Good question. Not too many things ~ I am pretty anti-social. I am putting together a book of my writings (poetry). I have a 2 1/2 year old son. I spend a lot of time with him. Other than that ~ I don't leave my house very often.

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by rachel on Thu Oct 5 19:55:13 2000 (#863)

hey, well im 14 and from wales, uk. i like rock music especially - manics, slipknot, kittie, muse, nirvana,foos, greenday , placebo , hole etc.

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Oct 5 20:55:15 2000 (#866)

I like the Goo Goo Dolls. They have great lines like: Scars are souvenirs you never lose, and You bleed just to know you're alive. I write poetry too.

Re: just an interest---i think its important
Posted by blue rose on Fri Oct 6 21:23:32 2000 (#885)

I'm always up for something new. I'm 19 and from Minnesota. I go to classes all day and that's pretty much it. I love music, all kinds, except country, country music is a disease. I really like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sublime, Squirrel Nut Zippers, *Fatboy Slim*, and some old bluegrass/folk kinda stuff like John Prine. Number one on my list, though, is Janis Joplin. Awesome awesome person.

PS Melissa, where have you been? I haven't seen you on IM.

well
Posted by me on Thu Oct 5 04:00:42 2000 (#855)

ive been waiting all night for a response. alone again. like always. good night. till we meet again

Re: well
Posted by laura on Thu Oct 5 04:47:19 2000 (#857)

I'm sorry you feel that way.... If you or anyone else ever wants to talk, I am online a lot. My AIM sn is somefumblerchick, and in case you missed it, my name is laura.

holding back...
Posted by Christine on Thu Oct 5 04:26:24 2000 (#856)

I'm trying to hold myself back befor I kill my mom shes always starting fights w/ me cuz she knows I'll yell back and she gets a reaction from me.I've been good I'm controling all these feelings and I didn't even tell her off yet I might not I'm gonna try not to react to what she says and does.I'll go lock myself in my room and pray she leaves me alone shes such a bitch.Im also sorryif I offended anyone w/ the faith thing I didn't want to start anything I have to go ok bye

Sara
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Oct 5 19:59:45 2000 (#864)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!! :) I hope you have a nice birthday and get lots of nice presents. If I knew your address I would send you something! Well, anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :)

Re: Sara
Posted by Sara on Sat Oct 7 03:10:25 2000 (#891)

Hey, thanks so much for the birthday wishes, it really does mean a lot to me. I had an OK one I guess....not many presents, cuz my family is stingy and broke, and my friends are stupid and don't buy good gifts. Oh well, it marks one more year I lived through my life...so that's good. Right?

Love Always-

~Sara~

New Conversations
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Oct 5 20:11:22 2000 (#865)

I agree with you all that say you want new conversations and stuff like that. I don't really want to keep telling everyone how depressing my life is and I'm sure you don't really want to hear it because you all have the same problems.

Ok, here's some examples for some conversations: Who want's to be e-mail buddies?

Or:What's your favorite book, song, and movie?

These are just ideas, tell me what you think!

Re: New Conversations
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Oct 5 20:59:37 2000 (#867)

Dark Angel, I'll write to you! I love music and books and especially the idea of talking about other stuff. It helps to be distracted. I'm 22 years old and I live in Tennessee, USA. I don't know how to do the imstant message thing, but I know how to e-mail. Write me sometime, Angel! :)

Love, DB

Re: New Conversations
Posted by melissa on Fri Oct 6 02:55:30 2000 (#878)

write me write me. umm.. my favorite movie? well theres alot but i saw like every movie this summer and my favorite one for the summer was "what lies beneath". it scared the crap out of me. i recommened it for those who love to be scared shitless by movies. i dont have a favorite song really but me and marcus have a song its called "stellar" by incubus. im sure some of you have heard it. i dont have a fav book cuz i dont really injoy reading things like that. my style in books is more like gren eggs and ham. oh and hey, its not true, i dont get sick of hearing your problems. thats what im here for babe!

love always, melissa

Locked up my sharp stuff
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Oct 5 21:12:00 2000 (#868)

Today I took my scissors and my X-acto knife, and even my manicure scissors and locked them up in one of those strong boxes that you can keep money in and threw the key behind my desk. My desk is a mess, so I can't get to the key even if I want to. Cut myself last night on the stomach and made the one on my leg worse. I decided I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe I won't. Talked to my friend Emanuele and he is worried. I'm doing this for him, not myself so much. Anyway, I thought that locking up all the sharp stuff in my room was a good idea and maybe it might help somebody else.

Love to all, scars and all, DB

Re: Locked up my sharp stuff
Posted by melissa on Fri Oct 6 03:03:31 2000 (#879)

when i was in the mental hospital they had a thing called "sharps". it was a room that kept all are sharp things locked up. i thought it ws a good idea. so good for you. i hope it works.

love always, melissa

Nearly Got
Posted by neal on Thu Oct 5 23:01:54 2000 (#869)

I hope you don't mind me posting a couple of stories here, if you like this one I can post maybe another but if not thats ok. This story is called nearly got.

One night I am alone in my house, compliling lists of friends from the past. It grows dark, and I begin to wish for company. The list sits before me on the table, reproaching me with intimations of missed opportunities and regretful abandonments. There is a scratching at the window, and absently I open it, assuming that one of my cats is feeling lonely too. To my dismay, a small devil-creature, salivating with anticipation, leaps squatly into the room. I recognise it immediately as being of the type to possess the soul without hesitation. Backing away from its gleaming eyes, I consider my options. With a flash of intelligence, I announce to the devil-creature that it is yesterday, and today I am dead. The creature looks quizzically at me. I insist that it has made an error - it is yesterday, and later this evening I kill myself with a large, sharp kitchen knife. I am dead. My soul has gone. The devil-creature is too late. It looks puzzled, but I explain, with placatory hand movements, that this is really a simple matter. As I am already dead, there is no point in attempting to take my soul. Come back in a week, I tell the devil-creature. The landlord will have re-let the house, and there will be fresh prey. Huffing and puffing, the creature waddles back to the window, and lurches off into the night. Congratulating myself on my quick thinking, I close the window. I sit down once more in front of my list, and it is with a heavy heart that I wander into the kitchen and begin rifling through the knife drawer.

Re: Nearly Got
Posted by mallory on Fri Oct 6 01:57:59 2000 (#875)

hi, is this a true story.kinda sorta. but its realy good. write me back. mallory

Re: Nearly Got
Posted by neal on Fri Oct 6 23:58:22 2000 (#887)

In a way maybe, it just is a thought in my head, repeating over and over. I'm glad you liked it, if you want to read anymore just give me a bell on email. Thank you for your comment.

Laura, my wife
Posted by josh on Thu Oct 5 23:03:37 2000 (#870)

Hi. I'm not too sure of how this works, but I was told I could come here for questions and answers. I know my wife Laura has posted on here before. Well, Laura is not doing too well. She is in the hospital again. She cut her throat this afternoon. I don't know how to help her or if I can. She has been doing it for so long now. Does anyone have any ideas for me? I don't want her to die, but she seems to be headed in that direction despite my good intentions. Any help/support would be much appreciated.

Re: Laura, my wife
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Oct 5 23:27:27 2000 (#871)

Hi Josh, Sorry to hear about Laura. You seem to care very much for her. She needs that. Just letting her know that you won't leave her or give up on her can help a lot. Tell her that everyone here is thinking of her. Also, if you want to come back here to talk or anything, feel free. You're a brave person and we sometimes forget that the people we love and count on are human, too and need reinforcement. Just be as strong as you can.

Love, DB

Re: Laura, my wife
Posted by mallory on Fri Oct 6 01:51:53 2000 (#874)

yes hi, i am realy sorry. i know what its like watching somone go through somthing like that. its one of the hardest things to be around. you have to be realy strong. what ever you do, dont get mad becuase you find yourself helpless. just be there, tell her that you love her. good luck. mallory

Re: Laura, my wife
Posted by Linda on Fri Oct 6 02:08:47 2000 (#876)

Oh Josh, I can not tell you how sorry I am. I got acquainted with your wife just a few nights ago. I prayed for her and tried to help. She was so sad and said she just wasn't ready to quit the SI. I am not a cutter, just here to help. How is your little boy? I will be praying.

Re: Laura, my wife
Posted by Lost on Fri Oct 6 02:43:01 2000 (#877)

I feel so sorry for you! I know that sounds kinda retarded... but I always feel so horrible when I know other people are going through bad situtations like that. It makes me cry! You must feel so helpless in this situation. I don't know what to say at all... but I do know that I can relate to how you feel and also to how your wife feels. If I can do anything to help or if you need someone to talk to at all then my AIM screenname is KaleenaKrackHead (hehe ghetto) or you can talk to me on the MSN instant messenger (my e-mail is shwag5150@hotmail.com and the name is Kay--- you need that to find me on there).... OR e-mail me at krazienghetto@yahoo.com. I hate to see other people feel so helpless. Please, if you need to talk then contact me.