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Threads 1226 to 1250

my cousin died
Posted by diana on Tue Aug 20 07:08:47 2002 (#5915)

i haven't posted in a while but i kinda need to now. my cousin died a couple days ago due to an abusive relationship. she kept havin fallin spells from gettin beat in the head a lot and this time she fell hard on something and died. i don't know, im really upset, and i went to her wake today. and i started crying. none of my family members have ever seen me cry and it was the talk of the night i guess you could say. i feel weird, like wow ive actually cried in front of someone. i don't know. but im bad with dealing with death and i keep telling myself if should of been me because that family has been through enough deaths and crap. sorry for rambling on n on..i just had to let it out

Re: my cousin died
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 20 10:51:45 2002 (#5917)

Very sorry to here about your cousin. Take care.

Re: my cousin died
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Aug 20 11:56:35 2002 (#5924)

I'm so sorry. But your wrong when you said it should have been you, because it shouldn't have been. you still deserve to live.
Love Ella x~X~x

Re: my cousin died
Posted by Nicke on Tue Aug 20 16:40:13 2002 (#5934)

It is good that you can cry...you need to grieve so let it all out.....

Nicke

Re: my cousin died
Posted by *me* on Tue Aug 20 18:11:42 2002 (#5938)

I'm very sorry for your loss. There's not much anyone can say when something like this happens to make it better. Just don't feel like it should have been you, ok? No one "deserves" to die. I'm here if you need anything, sweetie. Take care of yourself and stay safe. And cry if you need to...crying is very cleansing, I've found.

Re: my cousin died
Posted by she on Tue Aug 20 20:26:02 2002 (#5942)

Ohh man thats soo awfull :(.Its ok to cry and you are aloud to feel as much as anyone else dose .
Loads of love
She b

Re: my cousin died
Posted by Rhonda on Wed Aug 21 02:05:50 2002 (#5951)

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. It's a good thing that you cried because it helps get
things out. I know how you feel, my grandma died
recently and I'm still in the process of getting
over that. Time will ease the pain, but you will
always remember your cousin. And please don't keep
thinking that it should have been you cause it
just wasn't your time. If I can do anything to
help you, please let me know. Take care honey and
I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
Love ya, Rhonda

Re: my cousin died
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:51:32 2002 (#5966)

im sorry to hear that, i will also say a prayer for you, take care xxxErryn

Gees what can I say, sorry seems so empty. *NM*
Posted by Dawn on Thu Aug 22 03:25:12 2002 (#5969)

Re: thank u
Posted by diana on Thu Aug 22 08:58:50 2002 (#5976)

thank you all for the posts that you wrote after i posted about my cousins death. i just wanted to let you know that it helped me feel better.-diana

hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one also)
Posted by Jamie on Tue Aug 20 07:15:13 2002 (#5916)

hi ya'll, right now i just sorta need to detach myself from anything cutting related, to see if i can ditch it for good, because i'm finally on the right track and i really feel great...i haven't been a postwhore or anything, so i'm not sure if any of you even know who i am, i lurk more than i post, but i wish you all the best, you know you deserve, maybe i'll be back to check up in the far future.
love ALWAYS TO ALL OF YOU!
jamie

Re: hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one al
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Aug 20 11:54:01 2002 (#5923)

Hi
I wish you luck.
Love always Ella xXx
PS a post whore? do I qualify as one of those? lol! I really must stop posting so often... I sound so cheap!

Re: hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one al
Posted by *me* on Tue Aug 20 18:13:03 2002 (#5939)

Hey, good luck!! I'm glad you feel you're on the right track. That's great! Stay that way :)!

Re: hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one al
Posted by she on Tue Aug 20 20:29:34 2002 (#5943)

Its always lurvly when i hear someone has managed to give up cutting ,well done :):).
Cause we know who you are :):); keep in touch .
A post whore whoow tis a funny phrase lol i have never thourght of it hee hee .
Loads of love and huggzz
She~b

Re: hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one al
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Tue Aug 20 23:17:53 2002 (#5948)

I'm really going to miss you jamie....not many ppl took an interest in me...and I appreciate the fact that you did. Good Luck...see ya later...i hope.
Later,
Lone

Re: hanging by a moment...(definatly a good one al
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:49:57 2002 (#5965)

congrats im proud of you just remember if you need anything just ask take care xxxErryn

I know who you R and wish U well *NM*
Posted by Dawn on Thu Aug 22 03:30:51 2002 (#5970)

Thanks everyone
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 20 10:57:41 2002 (#5918)

Thanks to everyone who replied to my question. I'm really astounded by the sense of community you guys have here. Amazing.
The reason I asked is because many of my friends are cutters, although I only found out after becoming friends with them. It was like I was drawn to them. I actually think cutting is better than drinking or smoking. I mean, it's not going to make you run over a kid while driving drunk, or something. Oh, I'm studying genetics.
Thanks again, Taeriel

Re: Thanks everyone
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Aug 20 11:51:49 2002 (#5922)

Hi
I know, this board does have a great sense of comunity, doesn't it?!
Do you cut? I can't remember if you said you did... But my theory is that happy people attract happy people, depressives and self harmers attract each other too. All my friends are deeply unhappy, and we didn't even know about each other until after we became friends!
Ella xXx

Re: Thanks everyone
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 20 12:51:39 2002 (#5927)

Yeah, I do cut, been doing it for years. That's why I found it interesting that so many of my friends do. But I guess you're right. People who think alike, feel alike, have the same coping mechanisms, group together.

Taeriel

Re: Thanks everyone
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Aug 20 15:53:37 2002 (#5929)

Hi
But it is still interesting that they do group together, because for the most part its sub-concious and you don't even know that they cut.
Love Ella xXx

Re: Thanks everyone
Posted by she on Tue Aug 20 20:32:11 2002 (#5944)

Hurmm i attract wierd scary people ...Hurmmm dose tat say something about me eekkkk *worries*
hee hee
Welcome to PSyke Taeriel
Love and hugz
She~b

Re: Thanks everyone
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:48:55 2002 (#5964)

im glad we could help you take care xxx Erryn

suspected multipil personality
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Aug 20 16:04:24 2002 (#5930)

Hi
Right, in therapy yesterday my therapist person was talking about the possibility that i have a multipil personality...
She explained it to me, and I guess it kind of makes sence...
She said that when some one very younge looks out onto the world which looks scary and recieves no reasurance, they decide the best way to combat this world before they enter it as such. So they dont know how scary the world actually is. So with me, for example, I saw this fighting and decided the best way to try and fit into this world is to be another person to what I was, and thus created the person I am now, but becuase you are so younge when you do this you do not even remember what you have done. So you send out this person in armer to fight in the world, while behaving as a king of pupeteer. The person behind all the comotion. When I tell her that no one likes me even the person who gave birth to me is indifferent, she said that they dont like the person I have put into the world, they never got a chance to know the real me. This actually explains my shattered sence of self and the way I often talk about me as if I was another person, I do feel like a split person.
I havn't explained this very well have I? *sigh* it made sence when she said it... Still, a multipil personality eh? I am a complete psyco now!
Ella xXx

Re: suspected multipil personality
Posted by Nicke on Tue Aug 20 16:38:58 2002 (#5933)

Having multiple personalities does not make you a psycho...it just gives you a name to how you have been feeling...it is a start to your recovery!!!

I can sort of identify with that...I don't l;et anyone know the real me but I don't think i have more than one personality.

In a very broad sense, everybody has different 'faces', like they act diferent around their friends, bf/gf's than they do around their parents.........

Thinking of you...Nicke

Re: suspected multipil personality
Posted by she on Tue Aug 20 20:36:37 2002 (#5945)

Whow
your psyke sounds very interesting the makes alot of sceance.
Love you muchly
*huggles*
She~b

Nicke, it DOES make me a psyco!
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed Aug 21 12:57:19 2002 (#5953)

Re: suspected multipil personality
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:47:37 2002 (#5963)

i am thinking but dont take me on this but most siers do have it, becuz of the disassotion?spelling but thats what i have and the name scares me more than the disorder. take care xxxErryn

Its a theory, I havnt been diagnosed, too younge *NM*
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:03:51 2002 (#5977)

hm...
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 21:45:03 2002 (#6018)

for me a mp is really several ppl (with different gender/age/knowledge/whatever) in one human that are 'specialists' for different situations and only come to the surface when they think it's their time. so that some bad experiences only belong to one of these persons and the others don't have to cope with them. mp if we talk about the same thing also means that some persons don't know of the existence of some other ones. so their memory will have inexplicable gaps. that's one of the problems. another prob is that a person that was created because of a real bad trauma (who will be probably an evil person who wants the rest to feel as bad as he/she did) wants, dunno, some kind of reward for bearing all the pain all alone and so will come to the surface also when he/she's not wanted at all. so i don't know if you really are this.. or your therapist meant something else than i did.

SHE!!
Posted by Nicke on Tue Aug 20 16:33:58 2002 (#5932)

I'm not sure if you posted them already but what did you get around to openning your results.....how did you do???

Nicke

Re: SHE!!
Posted by she on Tue Aug 20 20:39:21 2002 (#5946)

Hiya
Yeah i did open them after a whole day of them sitting round with me staring at them.They were supprisingly ok not great but ok .
Thankyou for remembering:):):)
{{{huggles}}}}
Loads of love
She~b

chat
Posted by laura on Tue Aug 20 21:40:54 2002 (#5947)

y dus no1 ever go on the chat? It seems im always alone on there lol. I just sit and type away to myself on there lol. Oh well. Take care, LaUrA xxx

Re: chat
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Tue Aug 20 23:32:58 2002 (#5949)

Well i am on there whenever i am on here...mostly. But all of our time's are different...so we' are on at all the hours.
Later,
Lone

What do you think?>
Posted by Jules on Wed Aug 21 10:12:56 2002 (#5952)

hi you guys
a friend once told me cutting is all in the mind. its been bugging me ever since she said it. i admit i love seeing the scars on my arms, it gives a sense of self..i guess.
i dont think i could ever give it up,. is it all in the mind?

Re: What do you think?>
Posted by Taeriel on Wed Aug 21 14:38:18 2002 (#5954)

The way i see it is that it's a way of connecting mind and body. You decide to do something in your head, do it, and you can see the results on your body. You then feel control over your mind and your body. It makes you feel together as a whole, not like some sort of wierd, floating entity, or something. Don't know if that makes any sense!!! ;)

Wow Taeriel, thats exactly how I think of it! *NM*
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:26:39 2002 (#5982)

Re: What do you think?>
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:44:56 2002 (#5962)

i think if it was all in your mind it would be easier to stop also who knows i just wish i would stop sorry no help take care xxxErryn

Hey Rhonda
Posted by Taeriel on Wed Aug 21 14:44:14 2002 (#5955)

Do you know why your daughter started cutting?
I'm curious because the only person I've told thought I was nuts, I seem to have it all and yet I'm having trouble living with myself.
Insight from anyone would be helpful. :)

Re: Hey Rhonda
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Aug 22 01:30:11 2002 (#5957)

Yeah, she was raped by a so-called friend when she turned 14. We didn't find out about that till
like 3 or 4 months later. Over the summer we
noticed her behavior got worse and worse. When she
was 15, almost 16, she started hanging out with
girls who were 20 and 24 years old and they introduced her to a guy who was 26!! You can guess
what happened between them. We told her that she
had to stop seeing him and that is when she threatened to kill herself. We got the police
involved and they actually noticed her cuts before
we did. Boy, were we ever native or what?!! We got
her mental help by haveing her put in a treatment
program for 4 days. I know she hated it at the time, but there was no way we would allow her to
carry through with her threats. It's taken over 4
years of therapy and medication, but she is on the mend. The guy who raped her still runs around
town, but Tara's therapist helped her deal with
that. She used to be scared of him, now she just gets pissed off when she sees him. This affected
our whole family and there are times I don't understand how we made it, but we did. She had to
love and support of her family and we NEVER EVER
thought she was crazy or dumb. She had serious mental pain and we as her family had to help her find a way to deal with it and move on. She has
turned out to be such a good kid and I'm so proud
of her for working her butt off to get to this
point in her life. She still gets depressed, but
can now work through it without meds. I pray you
find someone who will listen to you without judging because you are not crazy!!!!! Please don't ever believe that! Take care and I hope this
answered your question. Sorry if I went on to long. I'm always here if you want to talk.
Love ya, Rhonda

Hi; you must B new
Posted by Dawn on Thu Aug 22 03:42:07 2002 (#5971)

Many of us who SI do so as a result of sexual abuse of other abuse, but SIing is so much more. It is about emotional pain, however or wherever it comes from. I can pin point my starting cutting from when my memories of sexual abuse came to the surface once I found myself free of abuse for the first time in my life. Generally though it is teenagers who start harming themselves and from what I read are done with it in their mid twenties.

I was a late starter (36) Now I'm 50 and still cutting from time to time.

What is your story?

Re: Hi; you must B new
Posted by Lone Wolf on Thu Aug 22 03:54:40 2002 (#5972)

Welcome....i'm a young starter i guess then. I'm 16. But I know there are some out there even younger. I don't know what started me...but I hope i figure it out one day.
Later
Lone

Re: Hi; you must B new
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:19:30 2002 (#5980)

Hi
I guess I started cutting quite younge, at twelve. I still cut most days and I'm fourteen now. I havnt been sexually abused, I witnessed domestic violence and basically my homelife was a mess. My parents have split now but the damage is done, and its so hard to let go of the past though you can't hold on to it. It scares me, domestic violence seems to run in my family, so I feel like I'm destined to be a victim to it... sorry, this is very triggering rambling.
I read a quote which you might like once on a website;

"I have everything in this world except myself."
I feel like that sometimes...
Love Ella xXxXx

Re: Hi; you must B new
Posted by Taeriel on Thu Aug 22 19:00:19 2002 (#5996)

Yeah, everything but myself.
Sorry Dawn, my story is untold and will remain that way for a while. I'm very proud of all of you for being able to support each other like this. It's such a rare thing.

Re: Hey Rhonda
Posted by Taeriel on Thu Aug 22 18:56:17 2002 (#5995)

Wow, i am so impressed, by you and your daughter. I think tou have both been incredibly strong about the whole thing. She's a very lucky girl to have someone like you.

Re: Hey Rhonda
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Aug 23 01:39:30 2002 (#6001)

Thanks, but I like to think I'm the lucky one for having a daughter like Tara. I know she put us through hell for a few years, but in the end, we
are all better people for it. It made me face things I never even thought about. I also think
everyone here is very brave because it takes
real courage to be able to express yourself. Even
if it's just to a computer screen. I'm just so proud of all "my kids"! Take care of yourself.
Love ya, Rhonda

hi someone new
Posted by hellfire girl on Wed Aug 21 23:28:45 2002 (#5956)

just wanted to say hi. i'm sarah, 17, trying to stop hurting myself (even rather successfully, if you don't count once or twice every 2 months), doing some therapy, german.
that's all i can think of right now to tell something about myself. i'll try and see if i can understand all the english here to more or less communicate with you people, you know, share some despair and have some fun.
now i'm going to bed and say goodbye :)

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Aug 22 01:31:39 2002 (#5958)

Welcome to the board. I hope you can understand
the English here also. We're always around to expalin things if need be. Take care honey.
Love, Rhonda

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:43:04 2002 (#5961)

welcome i hope we can help you as much as possible, if you need anything just ask, im 26 single mother been si for 11 and a half yrs. take care xxxErryn

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Lone Wolf on Thu Aug 22 03:58:12 2002 (#5973)

I'm 16...and do it about as much as you do...if you need someone to talk to I'm here. My friend knows a little german so maybie i can help translate a little if you need.
Later,
Lone

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:12:57 2002 (#5979)

Hey
I'm fourteen, been self harming for two years, your doing really well, I do it most days. I live in England, and I'm afraid german isnt my strong point, but if you EVER want to talk about anything, please email me, I'm always around (I have no life!). Welcome to the board!
Hope you slept well,
Love Ella xXxXx

Re: hi someone new
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 20:36:03 2002 (#6006)

hi thank you for answering. how old is your child then, and which sex? must be difficult. do you have some people who help you?

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Dawn on Thu Aug 22 04:38:43 2002 (#5975)

Are you in Germany now? I have an email buddy in or near Bermen

Re: hi someone new
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 20:31:20 2002 (#6005)

yes i am. Bremen is even near to Hanover, where i live.

Re: hi someone new
Posted by she on Thu Aug 22 17:34:48 2002 (#5992)

Welcome to PSyke :)
Lurv
She

Re: hi someone new
Posted by Taeriel on Thu Aug 22 19:03:33 2002 (#5997)

Hey, I'm also fairly new here. Stick around, these guys are amazing - you'll get so much support.

thank you all
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 20:41:34 2002 (#6007)

it's unbelievable how many answers i got for this :)

thank you very much for being so nice, i'm very glad. yes i will ask if i don't understand something.

n e advice???????plz help
Posted by confused_angel on Thu Aug 22 02:10:33 2002 (#5959)

hiya,i've bin on this message board b4 as a self harmer and i used to ask for advice on here if i ever ad a problem and cudnt tlk to n e one else.So n e advice you do give wud be appreciated.
i've bin a self harmer 3 to 4 yrs and lately i've not dun it so much, which i've bin quite proud of.
N e way, to get to the point, i was at my house earlier, avin a shower, my g/f was in my room and i had STUPIDLY forgotten to shut one of my draws which ad a few pieces of broken glass in it.When i came out of the shower she told me that she was tempted to try self harmin just to c what it feels like.She then sed that she picked up a piece of MY broken glass and went to use it to self harm, the only reason why she didnt was coz the piece of glass ad a bit of my blood on it.(sorry if this is gorry).I'm feelin really angry at myself for leavin the draw open,i'm angry that she wanted to, she's seen the grief its put me through.She did tell me that she wudnt become an actual self harmer, she just wanted to try it once.But she doesnt understand how addictive it is.And i dont think i cud stay wiv her if we were both self harmers.I was angry at her for attemptin to use my "intrument" for my way out.I dont wana be worrin about her tryin it every second i aint wiv her, so wen we got back to her flat, i was soooo tempted to grab a sharp knife nd tell her to get i over and dun wiv.But then she cud start an addiction of her own and i really dont wana be the one responsable for that.I've already got a friend who started self harmin (in my eyes-coz of me).I ended up self harmin tonite (not bad!!)I really hope she doesnt get into self harm, as you all probaly know, self harmin aint exactly a bed of roses.I just hope she gets that idea out of her head.I'm really not too sure how to handle this.As i sed b4, if n e one's got n e advice, i wud really appricate it.
N e way, thanx for listenin/readin.

from confused_angel

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by Erryn on Thu Aug 22 02:41:09 2002 (#5960)

i had a friend like that but after she cut, it hurt so bad that she didnt do it anymore. what bothered me the most was that if i wasnt around she wouldnt do it, or even know about it so i kinda got mad but maybe she sees it helps you, and she doesnt see how much it hurts you, dont blame yourself she can control her own actions, take care xxxErryn

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by Dawn on Thu Aug 22 04:00:48 2002 (#5974)

I have a friend and he wouldn't even think about SIing He's my support person and he is closing in on 68 years old. I would lose that if he were to cut for any reason. But it isn't for me to stop him should he consider it, nor is it my responsiblity either. Everyone has control of only one person (him/herself)

I would be angry if someone else used my scissors to cut theirself with. But I am not at all possessive of my scissors. Anyone coming or going in my apt. can use my scissors to cut anything with except theirself.

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:10:08 2002 (#5978)

Hey
Yeah, my friend did this. It pissed me off SO bad, I was so angry at her and myself for giving her the idea. Her parents had a fight and she cut her arm, then cried because of the pain. They dont see what self harm does to you, the amount of things you cant do because of it, self harm isnt some thing to try 'just to see what its like'.
My advice is explain to her what self harm is actually about, what it does to you and the bad points. Tell her that if she does start and becomes addictive you can't stay with her and that it is not you responsibility. Becuase it it isnt, its hers.
Ella xXx

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by confused_angel on Thu Aug 22 13:36:55 2002 (#5985)

I red your advice and i am grateful for it , but she already knows the problems of it.Shes seen the highs and the lows of self harm and i dont understand why anyone wud want to try it.

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 17:24:04 2002 (#5988)

Hey
Some people will try it whatever you do to discourage them, just remember its her responsibilty not yours.
Good luck with things,
Love Ella xXxXx

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by Taeriel on Thu Aug 22 19:08:05 2002 (#5998)

In my experience people who try SI because there friends do rarely keep it up - it doesn't feel the way it does to others. But I agree, do sit her down and se if you can scare her a bit about the down side of it all, just in case.

Re: n e advice???????plz help
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 20:54:14 2002 (#6012)

i think it depends. though i heard of people who started because a friend gave them the idea and then got worse than the first one, i have no personal experiences with it cos i keep it rather for myself. well once i told a friend because i thought it were just fair if she knew something more about 'my real self' and then she told me she was a bit jealous of what i owned with it. but as far as i know she never tried it.

but if she gets addicted then it's because she's also the type for it. if she hadn't got the idea it would perhaps be something else like anorexia or drugs or whatever. so it's really not your fault.

~lone wolf~
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:30:02 2002 (#5983)

Hi Lone
Just wanted to let you know that you are wanted here, and people do take an interest in you! I have emailed you but I dont know if you got it... did you?
Look, if you want to leave the board then I wish you well, but I wanted to let you know you are wanted and if you DO go then I'll miss your posts, and your presence.
Its a shame I never really got to know you.
Love Ella x~XxX~x

Re: ~lone wolf~
Posted by Lone Wolf on Thu Aug 22 23:33:35 2002 (#6000)

No i didn't get your e-mail. Either that or i accidently deleted it. But I don't think so. Sometimes i don't get ppl's e-mails. Don't ask me why. I don't know. JUst keep trying.
Later,
Lone

floating along, maybe it will be alright...
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 12:33:21 2002 (#5984)

Never seem to wake up thses days, just float along half asleep, half here, listen and see around me, but at the same time I see, hear and feel nothing. I dont think this is disasociating, I'm still half here, just happily floating along in my own world, knowing that maybe it will be alright, even if you cant see after today, you know theres always tomorrow...
Ella x~xXx~x

Re: floating along, maybe it will be alright...
Posted by confused_angel on Thu Aug 22 13:40:44 2002 (#5986)

I feel like that sometimes, i actually quite like it.Its like gettin out of this world without self harmin or drinkin alcohol.
tk care
confused_angel

Re: floating along, maybe it will be alright...
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 17:21:51 2002 (#5987)

Hey
Yeah, I quite like it too, its all so hazy, pain is all blunted, you just disconnect from the pain...
Love Ella xXx

Re: floating along, maybe it will be alright...
Posted by she on Thu Aug 22 17:33:27 2002 (#5991)

xx

Re: floating along, maybe it will be alright...
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:49:48 2002 (#6010)

you're right theres always tomorrow.
take care sweetie pie
love always
kat

sorry to be a 'post-whore' but new journal!
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Aug 22 17:27:31 2002 (#5989)

Hey I've got a new journal, yay! Decided to start again becuase its been so long since I wrote in the last one.
Just thought I'd let you know!
Ella xXxXx
PS sorry for posting so much, I've never been this bored!

Re: sorry to be a 'post-whore' but new journal!
Posted by she on Thu Aug 22 17:37:10 2002 (#5993)

Whooooo
Cool i can never keep jurnals i write loads and loads in then for the first few days then nothing for welll ever .
Hee hee i like the "post whore" phrase but your not one :) .
Luve you
She~b

no limit on posting/ post-whore makes me cry *NM*
Posted by Dawn on Sat Aug 24 02:45:41 2002 (#6033)

life
Posted by *me* on Thu Aug 22 17:28:40 2002 (#5990)

I cut. For the first time in like two months. I wasn't trying to stop or anything, I just didn't have the effort to do it. Does that make sense? So anyway, it felt good. Like an old familiar friend. The only one you can count on. I'm really stressed out. I HATE being stressed out. I'm starting a new job, and I'm starting school, and there's so much STUFF going on. I'm not feeling pressured right now, but I think the stress is from knowing that the pressure is going to start very very soon. All the pressure about grades and college and homework and now my job...I feel the wave approaching me. But there's no where to run from it, it's just coming to engulf me.

Re: life
Posted by Vapor on Thu Aug 22 18:22:23 2002 (#5994)

hey, i know exactly what you mean about not having the effort... thats how i went about a year cut-free... just didnt want to. wasnt trying. just take a deep breath... calm down a little. if you stay on top it wont be so bad and do that by just taking it all one little step at a time. tackle what is right in front of you and dont worry about everything that is coming. if you just work through a little bit at a time you'll be ok... are you going to be a junior or senior? i've been through it all... pressure for straight A's in all AP classes at private school, the "college process"... if you need any help let me know... its not that bad...
Later, Vapor

Re: life
Posted by confused_angel on Thu Aug 22 21:29:12 2002 (#5999)

That is exactly how i feel.Lately i havent bin botherd to do it, but i am really worried about ow i'm gnna handle the stress of school and pasin my gcse's.To be honest, i'm dredin nxt y wen i have to tk my xams, i'm really not lookin forward to it.

Re: life
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:53:57 2002 (#6011)

stress is crazy and its easy to really fall apart, but you can make it through.
sorry I have nothing really to say these days
but Im thinking about you *me*
take care
kat

Update on me
Posted by Lone Wolf on Fri Aug 23 05:02:16 2002 (#6002)

In another pit of depression. oh how lovely me. later,
loone

Re: Update on me
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:54:45 2002 (#6013)

sorry to hear that

kat

questions
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 21:10:13 2002 (#6015)

was there something bad happening recently?

what?

is there something you can do about it?

is it your fault?

if you don't know (well i know that's not new, i'm not trying to be wise just to make you remember) you should do something for yourself like taking a bath or listening to well-chosen music..
you'll know best what's good for you..

hope you'll get better...

Re: Update on me
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 02:30:04 2002 (#6028)

Take care honey, I'm here if you need me.
Love ya, Rhonda

Re: Update on me
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 05:56:53 2002 (#6039)

Not really.
It's just one of those pits.
Climb up so far,
then fall back down agian.
YOu know the drill.
Later,
Lone

Another 'post-whore' here!
Posted by Taeriel on Fri Aug 23 11:12:10 2002 (#6003)

Hee hee, I love that phrase!
I was wondering, how do you guys manage to tell your stories like you do? I avoid even thinking about mine. You seem so insightful, about your own problems and other's.
Love Taeriel

Re: Another 'post-whore' here!
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:48:03 2002 (#6009)

lots and lots and lots of therapy, talking about myself in front of people who didnt know me more then 5 minutes has allowed me to talk about things that are very hard, Hi by the way.
I havent been coming around a lot, so welcome.

kat

chris said
Posted by mego on Fri Aug 23 17:22:38 2002 (#6004)

chris said "baby you gotta eat//please, just a couple bites for me"//chris wants to know why i try to be strong//and think's i've been holding back too long//chris wanted to see me cry//but i never did, i'd rather die//chris said "lay off the pills while i'm gone"//now he is, and i'm back on//he told them not to give me more//but now my whole damn mouth is sore//from the tweaked out smile that looks half crazed//and grinding my teeth for the past couple days//no money so i went to trader john's//with a box of things i thought i could pawn//one pill left, it'll be my last//but didn't i say that in the past??//chris asked "are you gonna be alright??"//and wants me to get some sleep at night//chris introduced me to this "filtered life"//before he knew about the razors and knives//now my smile seems to bring him down//and i can't stand to see him frown//lately i've been popping a couple at a time//some have said thats a warning sign//last night i raided a medicine cabinet//to feed whats become a habit//while my friends sat in the other room//they didn't speak but they assume//four more day's till i see him again//and still i hear "i mean it megan"//one pill for when the other wears off//one more to push me over the top//i think i'll go there later today//and i hate to think, what would chris say??

Re: chris said
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:46:22 2002 (#6008)

wow
that wasvery awsome!! Seriously, I loved it.
sounds like me, the day before I went into my first hospital I sat inthe hallway at school by my locker and cried ( i was skipping so no one was in the hall) because I asked everyone I could possibly think of for some pills to make me "feel better" and no one had any.
please take care
you're a great writer, and great person.
*many hugs*
always
KAT

Re: chris said
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 21:14:50 2002 (#6016)

true. i too think it's great. although i didn't understand every single word, i got the meaning. have you ever thought about turning it into a song?

HELLFIRE
Posted by mego on Sat Aug 24 00:21:40 2002 (#6023)

ha, fuck songs. i don't sing, i don't play anything. some of my friends probably could work with it, make something outta it, but i don't show them this shit. thanks though.

Re: HELLFIRE
Posted by hellfire girl on Sat Aug 24 19:04:01 2002 (#6064)

well i'm very much into music (though just as a fan), so i want everything i like as a song *g*

Re: chris said
Posted by ~~~ on Sat Aug 24 00:12:03 2002 (#6021)

I love the way you write it's amazing. I can barely put a sentence together.

Re: chris said
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:02:56 2002 (#6040)

My god Mego's....
My boyfriends' name is Chris...spells it the same way. My name is Megan....and i've popped a few pills in my day.....What's to become of us absurd freaks? Will we some day dominate this crazed freaky place? Or will we drownd?
It's just that way...
Keep posting your things...it's freaky to see a reflection of myself.
Later,
Lone

LONE
Posted by mego on Sat Aug 24 07:39:11 2002 (#6047)

crazy shit, huh?? but chris is my best friend, nothing more for the most part.

Re: LONE
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sun Aug 25 03:55:43 2002 (#6078)

Diddo...went to school with him...he likes me but i just don't know if I like him in that way. IF nothing else we're just good friends looking out for each other when we can.

dont know what to say
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 20:58:49 2002 (#6014)

Im honestly lost for words, as some of you know I used to be able to typed a few paragraphs to every single one of the posts on here, but now days Im lucky if I get up enough in my head to type a few sentences on a few of the posts here.
I feel bad about it, but what can I do.
I've had this eating disorder for about 5 months now and Im soo tired of life right now.
Cutting is a terrible habit or whatever you want to call it but this for me is 10 times worse and if any of you knew me a while ago you might remember cutting practically took over my life, well if you dont know it did.
it controled everything I did and it was me I guess you could say, havent cut in a while though but I want to today.
I dont know why I have nothing to say anymore, its not like I dont care, or Im trying to be rude or immature in what I do say, it's just like my brain is dead. Im really not doing good at all and thats to say the least, I dont know if I should go into another hospital or what. Ive been in like 4 or 5 now for this mental shit, mainly cutting and suicide, drugs in there somewhere but I dont know Im still fucked up more then ever so its basically like nothing.
Im really lost.

kat

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by hellfire girl on Fri Aug 23 21:26:33 2002 (#6017)

in german we say bite your teeth together and go through it. it's ok. you'll do without the suicide bit, i hope. yes i think you should search for someone nearby to hold you a bit, it's much easier this way. if you see that you're not all alone it will help. i think i understand you really much and so i regret that i'm not near. but it's real people that will help you now. i hope it helps also just a tiny little bit that i hope the best for you, but i fear it won't be the real thing.

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by ~~~ on Sat Aug 24 00:15:32 2002 (#6022)

I think I understand about not being able to say anything. I'm like that which is why I rarely post. It's like you try to say something but your brain just won't work, and you can't quite put the words together.

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 02:33:30 2002 (#6029)

Oh baby, I don't know what to say either. I just
wish I was close so I could hold you for
awhile. It probably wouldn't help your problems,
but it might make you feel better for a little
while. I'm here if you need me sweetie. Take care
of yourself.
Love ya lots, Rhonda

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by kat on Sat Aug 24 02:53:07 2002 (#6035)

thanks you guys
thanks a million
thank you Rhonda too, for the cards and everything , you truly are an amazing person.
Im okay, just feeling a little "crazy" hah term used lightly around here I guess.
take care
kat

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:05:24 2002 (#6041)

You and me both sister...

Re: dont know what to say
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 27 12:33:53 2002 (#6169)

Yeah, the good thing about being here is that most people understand in some way how you're feeling, so at least you don't feel totally alone. Hey, just say to yourself what I say when things seem unbearable:

"It can't rain all the time"!
Take care
Love Taeriel

hi
Posted by scaredinthedark on Fri Aug 23 23:11:07 2002 (#6019)

hey everyone, i'm just saying hi to all the people. i haven't been able to reply to anyone's posts cuz my comp is screwed up. i'm sorry. but i have read them. my friend and i are back to being friends. she understood and took what she said back and we both talked for a while. today is also my birthday. i'm sweet 16 today. lol. yea it's been a suck day so far. my parents are trying to make it perfect for me but they yelled at my brother already. i got my permit too. well that's about it. i'll ttyl8a. <3 always and take care.
scaredinthedark

Re: hi
Posted by ~~~ on Sat Aug 24 00:22:34 2002 (#6024)

Hi, a few posts down you were saying about starting an online journal but you need a code. If you want to start one at deadjournal I have a code you can have. If you want the code tell me and I'll e-mail it to you.
and Happy Birthday :)

Re: hi
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 02:36:11 2002 (#6031)

Happy Birthday honey!!!!!!!!!!! Take care of yourself.
LOve ya, Rhonda

Happy Happy Birthday Sweet 16
Posted by Dawn on Sat Aug 24 03:00:43 2002 (#6037)

yea you made it to sweet 16 now you are onto 17 gota think ahead. I wish you well.

I sent you a e-cardhe other day and it came back do you have a block on your computer?

Re: Happy Happy Birthday Sweet 16
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:07:28 2002 (#6042)

Congrads...be thankfull you
actually have someone trying to make
the day special.
I'm still a virgin and
have never been kissed.
Yet on my birthday i had
to be in school.
How cruel.

Re: dawn
Posted by scaredinthedark on Sun Aug 25 03:30:57 2002 (#6077)

no i put yur email address under my email list thingy. i'm tryin to convince my parents to take the list off. almost cracked them. lol. well take care. <3 always, scaredinthedark

Happy Birthday!
Posted by rick on Sat Aug 24 16:07:36 2002 (#6055)

Happy Birthday! Drive safely....

Rick

Re: hi
Posted by Eleanor on Sat Aug 24 18:21:34 2002 (#6062)

I'm a but late hun but HAPPY BIRTHDAY for then! it's my 18th in two weeks. hmmmmmmmmmmm. anyway, just thought i'd say hi back. love ya sweetie. el x

Re: hi
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:28:01 2002 (#6072)

happy belated b-day girl i hope you are feeling better and if you need anything just write take care xxxErryn

*crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by kat on Fri Aug 23 23:32:59 2002 (#6020)

Im like trying not to hyper ventilate(?) ..crying my eyes out. I need help badly..I neeed to talk to someone about something personal something i cant even tell on here, but there is absolutly NO ONE.
what can I do?????????????????
Im going to die from this pressure
kat

Re: *crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by ~~~ on Sat Aug 24 00:25:42 2002 (#6025)

Maybe you could write it down in a diary? Or phone one of those helplines if you actually need to talk to someone?

Sorry I'm not much help

Re: *crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by Kayleigh on Sat Aug 24 01:43:45 2002 (#6026)

What country are you in, sweetie? If you need help, I'm always here, but only in the UK. I wish there was more I can do. I've been there. I really hope you're okay.

Kayleigh

Re: *crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:26:56 2002 (#6071)

you can e-mail me or write it down just know im here for you and care okay take care xxxErryn

Re: *crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by *me* on Sat Aug 24 02:34:21 2002 (#6030)

KAT calm down...we're here to help. Email me if you want to ok? I'm here. I don't know how good I am at giving advice but I'll listen and do my best. You're NOT going to die. You're going to stick this out because you are a tough chick and have been through shit before. You can take this with our help. STAY SAFE, ok?

Re: *crying* HELP PLEASE
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:09:06 2002 (#6043)

E-mail sweety, it's the only life line you seem to have at the moment. Sorry i wasn't around. If you have MSN IM i could be...maybie.
Later,
Lone

URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by chez on Sun Aug 25 06:29:59 2002 (#6084)

PLEASE E-MAIL ME!!!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!
I WANT TO HELP YOU!!!!!!
KAT, I'M GONNA HELP YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk to me
Posted by Kayleigh on Sat Aug 24 01:55:46 2002 (#6027)

I am drunk as hell so excuse my spelling and grammer. And my content. That needs an excuse.

I'm not pregnant, but i did the test too soon, so I have to rtry again soon.

I hate being me, I feel so numb. I didn't even cut over this. I don't wanna be free, I wanna cut to make me feel...i have to feel somehting other than this. I wanna be someone else for a while. I resent that I'm not worse. Why would I do that? Why would I want tyo get worse?> Why do I want to get so bad they lock me up? Because I want someone to take care of me. To not expect anything and let me be me. I want someone to love me when my own family can't. I want to make my friends pay for not paying me more attention. I want the world to know I can't handle life. I want to be insane so theres nothing let to expect from me. I'm so confised, it seems I contratict everything i feel. Why can't I have the guts to kill myself? What else is there? I have nothing to live for. Why do I cling to life when i don't want it? Andf why am I so pathetic that getting drunk and telling a bunch of strangers thing i can't tell anyone else is a common occurance. Why do I hide behind a name all the time. As if people will only like the alias, and never me?

Sorry for the rant. I'm don't mean to be this way, but it;s all I can be sometimes.

Kayleigh

Re: Talk to me
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 02:39:05 2002 (#6032)

Don't worry about the rant, you can do that whenever you want to. You just take care of yourself and know that I'm always here if you want
to talk.
Love ya lots, Rhonda

Re: Talk to me
Posted by kat on Sat Aug 24 02:51:19 2002 (#6034)

Kayleigh, I wish I weren't me too. Its confusing when one minute Im crying to die and the next Im getting help to live, I understand though.
talking to people you cant see can be alot less intimidating then talking to people who are staring you in the face, and we listen and care too, just like anyone else.
take care
sorry your feeling so down
kat

I wish I didn't, but I know exactly how you feel
Posted by Dawn on Sat Aug 24 02:54:06 2002 (#6036)

I've thought and felt the same things many many times. But thank my God who loves and cares for me more than I do most of the time He holds me when life makes me frazzled. Don't ever apologize for having your thoughts and feelings because I've learned they are not one of a kind. We all have them or will have them, or did as I have had. Hang on, tie another knot if you need to just hold on one more day, one more day. Keep doing that and you will be out of the woods. <3 always Dawn

Re: Talk to me
Posted by rick on Sat Aug 24 14:01:28 2002 (#6049)

Kayleigh,

Maybe you don't want to die. Maybe you just want all the pain to go away. Maybe that's why you feel numb. I wish I could tell you how to make the pain go away but I can't. My daughter is going through depression too and I feel so powerless to help.

I don't think you'll find an answer in a pill, a bottle or sex. These things can be self-destructive. Kind of like a slow suicide.

As to death, that will come soon enough to us all. Life is fragile and we only walk this earth for a few short years. I hope you can find a way to enjoy the rest of yours. Please keep looking and keep trying. Sometimes things do get better. Really.

I'll be praying for you.

Rick

Re: Talk to me
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:25:37 2002 (#6070)

i hope you are feeling better girl just take care of yourself becuz i care and im here for you okay love Erryn

my last tear...
Posted by Vapor on Sat Aug 24 05:43:48 2002 (#6038)

tonight i shed one tear for every lie i've ever told,
one tear for every lie ive believed,
one tear for each painful memory,
one tear for each scar on my flesh,
one tear for every time i've been confused,
one tear for each day i've lost,
one tear for each word thats never there,
one tear for each broken expectation,
one tear for every crushed hope,
one tear for disillusioned youth,
one tear for every time i've been hurt,
one tear for everyone who has hurt me,
one tear for each time you cant understand,
one tear for each time you dont want to understand,
one tear for every mean word,
one tear for each time i listened,
one tear for each time i've believed you,
one tear for each broken resolution,
one tear for all my love,
one tear for the hate inside,
one tear for indecision,
one tear for responsibility,
one tear for never being good enough,
one tear for every time you've led me on,
one tear for every time i needed you,
one tear for every time you werent there,
one tear for you...
one tear for me...

i shed these tears tonight because tonight i quit.
i quit loving,
i quit hating,
i quit getting hurt,
i quit waiting for you to call,
i quit pretending youre still what i want,
i quit pretending i am what you need,
i quit believing that you really care,
i quit trying to finish what i've started,
i quit trying to hide the past,
i quit denying it hasnt happened,
i quit putting myself last,
i quit covering the scars,
i quit hiding the memories,
i quit hoping you'll change,
i quit trying to please you,
i quit never pleasing myself,
i quit not being good enough,
i quit not believeing i can make it on my own,
i quit this game...

So my love, tonight I've shed my last tear for now, i quit you.

Re: my last tear...
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:16:22 2002 (#6044)

OH my god...
Vapor....
......
....my sweet friend...
dear friend....
those words have touched my soul...
and captured your heart...'
You have freed your soul
tonight my friend.
Go on now free from him..
and let a part of you,
all of you,
be free....
even if it is little,
I see how much this must hurt,
leaving him....
Colledge...
I'm going to miss you so much
*Huggles* Don't forget me.
Later,
Lone

Re: my last tear...
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 15:55:31 2002 (#6054)

WOW!!!!! That was beautiful! Remember, I'm always
here if you need to talk. Take care of yourself.
Love ya, Rhonda

Re: my last tear...
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:24:26 2002 (#6069)

its sad but i love it keep writing and take care xxxErryn

Re: my last tear...
Posted by Dawn on Sun Aug 25 23:40:32 2002 (#6104)

I saved it. ................it is so difficult to put into words..........it seemed so familiar.....so catargic.......so like my nervous breakdown.
You captured my heart please share more more more keep sharing and soon you will be healed. Don't give up...... never give up.
Love and Hugs
Dawn

Trails of my THoughts
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:27:02 2002 (#6045)

My words seem few tonight,
Yet i wish i could write a peom,
my heart weighs heavy on my soul.

Now another crazy boy has confessed his feelings for me,
I can't even handle MYSELF!
Where in this life would WE be?
No where...i'd probebly pull him down iwth me.
That is why I swere forever more,
to remain desolate...
ALone.
That's what i'm good at.
Feeling my friends feelings,
knowing how they feel,
yet staying away
because I am...
the Lone wolf.
Lobita.
That's just the role I play.
I have no other role.
I rather love the woods.
It's my home.
Blackness and solitude.
THey are my friends.
Tears the birds churp,
fears the rains sighs,
pain the thunder rages,
and coldness the forest grows.
That is my world.
And I relish in it.
I feed apon it.
I sleep within it.
It is my blanket,
I am it's warmth.
Lone....alone.
Running on broken ground.....

Oh man. THis is horrible
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sat Aug 24 06:40:08 2002 (#6046)

This si horrible. NO need for any responce...but it would be nice to see anyone who might understand my deep line of thought. I am a deep thinker, sorry if it makes no sence. I could maybie explain it....
W>E>
Lone

Re: Trails of my THoughts
Posted by rick on Sat Aug 24 14:03:30 2002 (#6050)

Hey Lone,

That was beautiful. I love the woods too.

Rick

Re: Trails of my THoughts
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 15:53:29 2002 (#6053)

That's very good. I liked it. I printed it out
so I could show it to Tara. She wanted me to say hi to everyone who remembers her. Take care of
yourself honey.
Love ya, RHonda

Re: Trails of my THoughts
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:23:18 2002 (#6068)

hey that was good, im sorry you are feeling down if you need to write im her okay take care xxxErryn

Wonderful image
Posted by Dawn on Sun Aug 25 23:30:24 2002 (#6103)

like a stealth wolf roaming through the woods of like searching for its shadow, itself, seeing its pain.

Did I get it?

CLose *NM*
Posted by Lone Wolf on Mon Aug 26 07:13:42 2002 (#6107)

CoMiNg DoWn (12 hOuRs)
Posted by mego on Sat Aug 24 08:04:16 2002 (#6048)

i hate coming down so hard//thinking that i might die//shaking, sweating, spinning head//wishing i could cry//finally i hear a car pull up//my cousin walks in the door//he takes a single look at me//"Don't worry, i'll get more"//someone lifts me off the ground//to put me on a bed//"when is the last time you ate??"//"everything's just spinning in my head"//"close your eyes but don't pass out//sean will be back soon"//i don't want people to see me like this//and i hate being stuck in the room//minutes or hours, i can't tell which//and he's back with my little orange pill//"nobody can let chris find out"//but i'm pretty sure he will//we wait for the half hour to pass//and then i can stand on my own//but one of them always walks with me//they won't leave me alone//a light show and music to keep me busy//"watch her stare at the poi"//a car ride for adreniline//"her laugh doesn't have any joy"// a couple hours before i fall again//but everyone's already gone//12 hours till i can try for another//12 hours is way too long

Re: CoMiNg DoWn (12 hOuRs)
Posted by kat on Sat Aug 24 17:35:33 2002 (#6060)

that was cool
I HATE coming down, maybe a reason I dont do anything anymore.
take care PLEASE
kat

Re: CoMiNg DoWn (12 hOuRs)
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:21:54 2002 (#6067)

i hope you are doing better just know im here take care xxxErryn

Re: CoMiNg DoWn (12 hOuRs)
Posted by Lone Wolf on Sun Aug 25 04:06:23 2002 (#6079)

I understand...

opinion
Posted by shadowofthepast on Sun Aug 25 23:21:59 2002 (#6102)

not cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What does tat tel u
u r hooked

a parent (back again)
Posted by rick on Sat Aug 24 14:40:07 2002 (#6051)

I said I'd get back to you wonderful people when I had more news. My 14 Y/O daughter Jen went to see a therapist on Thursday for the first time. My wife and I met with her and, so far, we are hopeful. She seems to have a lot of experience treating SI.

In Pennsylvania, at the age of 14, parents really no longer have any rights as far as therapy goes. Further, the only information we can get is what Jen wants us to have. Legaly, she is considered an adult. I don't have any idea of what she said in the session, but I'm glad she can talk to someone and not have to worry about what we would think.

We did find out that Jen is suffering from depression. This is probably no surprise to many of you, but up till now, I was clueless. On the outside, she is always smiling and seems to enjoy life. She gets good grades and has friends. We're not the Brady Bunch or anything, but she has a fairly normal family life. It just surprised me.

Anyway, the good news is that her therapist was hopeful that she could be treated. It is likely that she has a low seratonin level. I think this is treated with prozac or paxil types of meds.

Thanks to a lot of you, I went into this knowing something about what to expect. Your answers to my previous questions helped a lot.

I have some mixed feelings about this, but Jen does now have the addy. for this forum. I went over some of the reasoning below. I hope she'll make wise decisions without being negatively influenced here. Jen if you're out there, HI!

I'll stay in touch. If any of you needs to bounce anything off me, feel free.

Rick

Re: a parent (back again)
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Aug 24 15:46:44 2002 (#6052)

Rick,
I know what you're going through. Tara was
severaly depressed and we had no clue till about
2 months before we discovered the cutting. She
ended up on Effexor XR and it really seemed to help her out. I'm so impressed with parents who
love and care about their kids. A lot don't. Tara
finally got to the point where she would tell me certain things her and Dr. Gilbert talked about,
but I'm sure she didn't tell me everything. That
was okay with me as long as she was talking to
someone she trusted. Good luck with your duaghter
and if by chance she reads this, Hi there.
Take care.
Love, Rhonda

another parent
Posted by rick on Sat Aug 24 16:25:23 2002 (#6057)

Hey Rhonda,

As another parent here, I really appreciate your feedback. It sounds like you haven't had an easy time of it either. Like I said, I'll stay in touch. Maybe we'll hear from Jen, that's up to her.

Thanks,

Rick

Re: a parent (back again)
Posted by Erryn on Sat Aug 24 20:21:06 2002 (#6066)

she is lucky to have parents like you, alot of kids around here would love to have parents who care hopefully that will help her on her road to recovery, take care and good luck xxxErryn

Good parents are hard to come by
Posted by Dawn on Sun Aug 25 23:13:23 2002 (#6101)

I am so impressed with you as well as my friend Rhonda. If I had one parent whom I could have gone to it is most likey that I would not be as messed up as I have been.

But I also know sometimes parentstalk a good talk outside the family but inside the home it is a differnt story. Of course I'm not only talking in regards to my parents, but of myself as well. I thought I was a good parent, but I wasn't. I beat my kids into compiance. That isn't good parenting.

I've apologized many times to my kids but that doesn't heal the wounds I made to their psyches.

In you are Rhonda I find the same heart for your children I had, but I didn't have positve parenting skills and that is the difference. Thanks for coming back it actually helps me and I'm older than you probably. Good day...Dawn

Re: Good parents are hard to come by
Posted by rick on Mon Aug 26 13:06:30 2002 (#6115)

Hey Dawn,

Thanks for your reply. I think you are so right that what you see of a family from the outside is not always what's going on inside. Families can appear normal and be anything but normal. Kind of like Jen who seems so happy and then I find out she's depressed. To be honest, in our house the volume level sometimes exceeds a Boeing 747 on take-off.

I can tell you that none of my children were ever abused or beaten. They were never neglected and always loved. I don't think a day has gone by that I didn't tell my kids that I loved them (if they were at home). My wife and I do believe in spankings, but they are rare. Discipline is important, but there is usually a better way, IMHO.

I guess my point is this. As a parent, sometimes, I feel like little more than a grown up kid. There isn't an instruction book (OK, maybe there is somewhere, but men never ask for directions anyway!), you do the best you can and sometime you make mistakes. Like anyone else, we (I) sometime become angry and say things we probably shouldn't. I guess the best thing from my standpoint is at the end of the day my kids have made some mistakes and so have I. That's when it's time to kiss them good night and say "I love you". That's what really counts, I guess.

Rick

Re: Good parents are hard to come by
Posted by Lone Wolf on Tue Aug 27 01:03:40 2002 (#6139)

I miss my dad's tuck ins.....

Re: Good parents are hard to come by
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Aug 27 01:46:14 2002 (#6143)

I swear, if I lived next to you, I'd come over every night and tuck you in; even though I'm a
mom!!!!!Take care honey.
Love ya, Rhonda

sending you one
Posted by rick on Tue Aug 27 13:35:07 2002 (#6175)

Hey Lone,

Every night when I tucked Jen in when she was younger, I'd give her 9 schnoodles. We did this for years and it was kind of our special thing.

I think you're all the way in England, but I'm sending you a tuck-in and a schnoodle. What's a schnoodle, you ask? Well since you asked...

A schnoodle is when someone blows air against your neck and it sounds kind of like a fart. Jen used to keep track if I was away from home or missed for any reason. She had the 9s times tables down. IE, if I was gone 7 days, I'd owe her 63 schnoodles. She always kept track.

It's kind of sad when they start to grow older. Now, instead of a tuck-in and 9 schnoodles, it's a peck on the cheek and "love you, get some sleep for school in the morning".

Rick

Re: a parent (back again)
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 27 12:53:27 2002 (#6170)

Hey, don't worry that you never noticed anything.
I've been suicidally depressed since I was thirteen, I'm now 22, and my parents don't have a clue. I live alone during the week mainly so they don't suspect anything.
I was always the good one of three kids, the highest grades, all the scholarships, the best in horse riding competitions etc. etc.
My brother and sister had trouble at school, so they were worried over. I didn't want to cause any more worry, but most of all I didn't want to have to explain something that I can't even explain to myself.
Does this make ant sense?
Love Taeriel

Re: a parent (back again)
Posted by rick on Tue Aug 27 13:22:57 2002 (#6174)

Jen gets the best grades of my 3 children. She LOVES horses, goes to horse camp every summer & 4H. She smiles all the time. She's the middle child.

Rick

Re: a parent (back again)
Posted by Taeriel on Tue Aug 27 13:45:47 2002 (#6176)

Hey, I'm also the middle child. Wierd. Been riding for 10 years.