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Threads 576 to 600

Crimson tears
Posted by Erryn on Mon Apr 29 03:07:43 2002 (#2451)

thank you !!!!

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 03:35:55 2002 (#2452)

Crimson Tears...How can you be so compassionate to Erryn and tell Millie to either do it or shut the fuck up?
Im confused.

To tell someone to do it when they are thinking about suicide is very un-compassionate, so I just don't see the connection.

Im sorry
KAT

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by ¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Mon Apr 29 12:06:44 2002 (#2462)

becasuse I respect Erryn, and Erryn is not talking shit like some people on here do, Erryn came for advice, I gave advice, Millie came here to moan, I told her to shut up..simple

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by kae on Mon Apr 29 13:35:05 2002 (#2464)

crimson, whats happened?? Why are you so spiteful? I remember you when you felt the same as we do now...its great that you're 'better' now, but for fucks sake...for someone whos been through what other people are going through, you're not very compassionate.

It seems like now that you're past the depression, you feel all high and mighty next to us. Can I ask WHY you've come back to this board? You obviously don't want to help anyone.

I'm just stating my opinion, as you so often state yours.

kae

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 16:43:10 2002 (#2468)

It's simply Ignorance.

Look past your Ego and see that these people are hurting like you used to..

I've always liked the expression, what comes around goes around.

-KAT

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 17:52:45 2002 (#2477)

I'm sorry that you can't respect all the people on here. I know that until you started being so spiteful we all treated you with the same respect we treat everybody else. I just hope that you never return to the stage of depression you were at before, because I don't like to think of the reception you would get here if you did. Please think before you write things. elle x

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by ¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Mon Apr 29 18:05:58 2002 (#2480)

thats not the case at all, Im not saying all this because I am better at all.
The reason that I came back to this board was because I wanted to help people as they had helped me, and I wanted to be able to share my experiances with others, but on my return I was shocked to see some of the pathetic whining people that appear to have taken over this board.
This board used to be GOOD, but now it has just been filled with attentio seeking annoying idiots that dont know the meaning of true pain and simply come here to talk crap and gain sympathy.
Kae, I thought you would have noticed that, I know that you have been coming here for a long time, I remember you well.. Just do me a favour, read through some of the posts, it is thanks to people that whine over nothing and threaten to cut that all self injerers get labelled as atteion seekers. - That is what annoys me.
My life is not perfect, I still have my problems, and when I want advice Id explain the situation and ask for advice, I wouldnt sit there feeling sorry for myself and trying to get people to sympathise me, before you start to give me shit for these posts, try to understand where Im coming from.
Love Roses and Empathy
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 20:23:30 2002 (#2497)

I do understand where your coming from. I also hate the way we get labelled as attention seekers, I've had to live my whole life a lie cuz of people like that. But I dont think there are loads of people on here talking shit and feeling sorry for themselves. We are all special cuz we take the pain instead of dish it out to others. There are a lot of great loving people on this site who are going through shit. Dont take the work of others out on them.
Love Ella x

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Mon Apr 29 23:08:20 2002 (#2509)

thanks for that Ella, its not everyone here that is annoying me, no one here annoys me at all, there are just a few messages posted recently that I found stupid and whiney.

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:15:15 2002 (#2533)

Hi
thats all right, I get really angry too sometimes, if people didnt go around whining and looking for attention about cutting then maybe people wouldnt label it for something its not, then there would not be this whole culture of shame surrounding it. Theres a girl at my school who used to walk around with little scratches on her arm and moan about how shit she felt, every one said she did it for attention and stopped talking to her so she stopped. I hate her so much, I've hide to hide myself from the world from the first cut and there she was. using it to get attention.
Ella x

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Millie on Tue Apr 30 21:44:00 2002 (#2562)

well i think that u have a right to shout at me, go ahead. sorry for being pathetic and whiny its just sometimes i really cant be assed with life ne more.
Millie

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 21:49:59 2002 (#2565)

Don't be so daft! She didn't have the right to shout at you. Everyone needs a good moan sometimes!! :-) Anyway, I count you as one of my friends now and friends are supposed to listen to you moan! Love and hugs, elle x x

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Millie on Tue Apr 30 21:54:31 2002 (#2567)

thanx. but sumtime ppl have to shout at ppl. for all we no crimson tears cud be having a worse time than us. its fine im used to it!!

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 21:57:23 2002 (#2568)

Crimson said that her life is pretty good at the moment. Anyway, I just didn't want you to stop coming here, that's all! :-)

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Millie on Tue Apr 30 21:58:56 2002 (#2569)

ok... well how are you?

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 22:06:02 2002 (#2570)

I'm ok thanks luvvy! I've had a bit of a bad day cause I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, but apart from that I'm not too bad. How are you?

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Millie on Wed May 1 19:06:11 2002 (#2614)

well school is really bad at the moment and so it doesn't make life better!

Re: Crimson tears
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 19:12:58 2002 (#2616)

School sucks!! I'm taking a break from it at the moment because my depression got too bad, and I'm redoing this year in september. Keep smiling hun!

my daughter
Posted by donnas mum (stranger in the night) on Mon Apr 29 11:46:32 2002 (#2461)

reading some of the recent posts i am not sure whether i am doing the right thing by posting this message. i may get my head bitten off.

on saturday night donna took an overdose and is still unconscious in the hospital. she is in a pretty bad way. i wanted to post here and let people who are close to her know this. if i have done the wrong thing in letting you know then i apologise. i also thought that if my daughter survives. there is a chance she will. then she would be happy to know that i tried to make peace with those i offended on here. i am sorry. i unerstand that you meant alot to her and you probably helped her more than i ever could have.

once again.....i am sorry if i have done the wrong thing. some people prefer not to know.

if you would like me to post letting you know either way then reply ot this post and let me know. if not i will fully respect your wishes as i can understand you not wanting to know which is why i was a bit edgy on posting this.

i am sorry for everything x

ill try come back tomorow maybe wednesday depending on any developments thankyou once again x

Re: my daughter
Posted by Maggie on Mon Apr 29 14:00:28 2002 (#2467)

I'm very sorry to hear about Donna... it must be a really hard thing that you are going through.
Thank you for letting us know...I can understand your doubts about Internet-support, but we do genuinely care about Donna. I hope that she is going to be okay... and I'll be praying for her and your family that she gets better soon.

It sounds like Donna is lucky to have a mother like you. You don't need to apologise for anything... you just want the best for your daughter.

Please send her my love and support.
Take care and hugs,

Maggie.

Re: my daughter
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 16:45:35 2002 (#2469)

You are headed in the right direction.

I'm so sorry this has happened, but don't look at it as an error on your part.

Pain and depression are awful and they together claim many lives every day...
I pray that your daughter recovers fully, and then maybe you can help her fight this shit!

All my support..
KAT

Re: my daughter
Posted by Erryn on Mon Apr 29 17:32:14 2002 (#2471)

im glad you have come on here and tell us this, im praying for her and your family. I would offer you to keep coming on here to and maybe you will understand us and Donna. I am sorry if i offended you to. Please keep us posting and let her now we love her xxxErryn

Re: my daughter
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 17:56:10 2002 (#2478)

Please give donna a hug from me and tell her that I love her. I also wanted to apologise for the way I treated you before. I was also going through a bad time similar to how donna is now, although I realise that is no excuse. My heart goes out to you both. Love always, elle x x

Re: my daughter
Posted by SIer of many years on Mon Apr 29 18:12:53 2002 (#2482)

I think you did the right thing. I'm pretty sure that everyone here appreciates you telling them what happened with your daughter. I'm not even going to try to tell you that I know how you feel, because I don't. All I can do is imagine how hard this must be for you. I hope and pray that Donna is ok.

Re: my daughter
Posted by She on Mon Apr 29 18:34:15 2002 (#2485)

Ohh im so so sorry .
God i never thourght i could help Donna more then you you sound like an amazing mother and you should be proud of the way Donna has helped us all im sure you are . Give Donna a huge hug frome me and have one for yourself .
Loads of love and support
She

Re: my daughter
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 19:59:37 2002 (#2487)

Hello
I am SO sorry, you havn't done the wrong thing, I'm glad to know. She said she was low in her email to me but I didnt realise how low. Please let her know we love her.
Love Ella

Re: my daughter
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Apr 30 03:14:22 2002 (#2516)

As a mother, my heart breaks for you. I truly hope
Donna will be okay. And I'm glad you posted to let
us know what is goin on, please keep us posted on
her progress. It is so hard to see your child do
something like this to themselves. I still don't
understand why they do this, but I acknowledge
that they are in pain and this is how they deal
with that pain. It took awhile for me to realize
that none of this was my fault and that in order
for Tara to get better, she needed my total support. I would listen to her cry and scream and
rant and rave. All I could do was hold her tight
and let her get it out. I also helped clean her
cuts when she was so tired that she couldn't hardly hold her head up. She knows that no matter
what she does, I will never stop loving her. Make
sure Donna knows that from you. Support her in every way you can and it will make a difference. I
can't tell you it will end fast or easy. It took
over 4 years for TAra to get to a point where she
could function by herself. It has been a long, hard battle. Tara will probably fight the urges for the rest of her life. Just continue to love
Donna and support her in everything. If you ever
want to talk or ask any questions, please feel
free to email me. I always answer them. Give Donna my love and know that I am praying for her
and you also. Take care of yourself and her.
Love, RHonda

Re: my daughter
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:04:11 2002 (#2521)

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope that she pulls through. Thank you so much for telling us, I definitely prefer to know, however it turns out please keep me informed if and when you are comfortable with that. If people on the board say that they might be upset by it then please email me. I hope and pray that she is alright and can get past this, and that you are okay aswell. Thanks again for letting us know, I understand how you could doubt 'internet friends' so don't worry about that, I'm sure now that you were just trying to act in her best interest. I really do care about her and I hope that she makes it through alright. Take care. Jade

my life is over....
Posted by kae on Mon Apr 29 13:19:54 2002 (#2463)

The great and wonderful counsellor demanded that I see her today. So I did. What a fucking mistake that was.

I don't have a 'therapist' and I've never really had any kind of help with my SI. Lately I've been getting a lot worse...the cuts were getting bigger and more frequent and I was thinking of ending it completely...the only reason I ended up asking for help was basically because I made a compromise with myself....that I'd ask for help one last time, and if she dismissed me again, I'd end it.

I went. She asked me a lot of stuff....about the cutting, about my views of myself, my future, suicide...she didn't realise that I ever felt suicidal. She asked me all these bizaare details about it....how I'd do it, where, when, why, what I'd write in a suicide note. It was uncomfortable but I felt a little better for getting it out...for shocking her, even. God I regret it now.

She called me back to her office during 5th period. I walked in to find two of my friends sitting in the room as well...looking very grim. The counsellor sits me down and tells me that she has no other choice but to tell my parents whats going on. I almost threw up. This is the one thing that terrifies me most - my parents knowing what I do and what I think. I pleaded with her not to. She told me that my mum was already on her way in. Fucking fantastic.

She left the office when my mum arrived to tell her everything in another room. That has to have been the worst 45 minutes of my life....sitting there and knowing what sort of things she was telling my mum about me. Telling my own mother that her daughter was cutting her arms to the point of almost passing out, and that she was considering suicide.

My parents did NOT need to know!!! They've never suspected that I was like this....they just yelled at me for being a "silent, cold little bitch". I could have worked through this by myself and with the counsellor, WITHOUT them knowing. It would have been much easier.

My mum came back into the room with the counsellor, and they sat there for ages, saying stupid superficial shit like "we just want to help you" the whole time. I can't stand the sight of my mum staring at me like that, with mournful eyes, saying those stupid things. I hate her knowing. I'm so angry.

Since I've been home tonight, she keeps wanting to hug me and 'talk'. I keep telling her not to mention it. The worst part was when she said "Can you promise me to stop the cutting?" I hated hearing her say that...I never EVER wanted her to know this. ANYTHING but this. She thinks I can just switch it off...ha. How can I cope now? I want to cut so badly...but I'm terrified that she'll demand to check my arms...or even worse, check them while I'm asleep. I hid all my SI equipment...blades, matches, candles, screwdriver...in a box under my bed. Its safe there...I hope.

I'M SO ANGRY. Everything will be different now. My parents know that I cut and they know that I want to kill myself. How the fuck can I live knowing they know that?? I always wanted to keep my inner thoughts right out of their life...now its like I've been cornered and exposed for the world to see. They know who I really am and I NEVER wanted them to know that.

I wish like hell that this day had never happened. I wish like HELL that I'd never been to see that counsellor. I WISH she'd told me that there was a chance she might 'have' to consult my parents...then I never would have told her all this.

I feel terrible. Everything is so much worse. I want to die more than ever.

kae

Re: my life is over....
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 16:55:25 2002 (#2470)

Kae....your life is not over, and hopefully from this fucked up expierence you can start over a new life. A much happier one.
I do understand totally what you are saying though, 2 years ago when my mom was told over the phone by a "friend" that I was cutting, it was terrible.
She came in my room crying demanded that I pull up my shirt and sleeves, I didn't.

She physically wresteled me to the ground and we were fighting like two fucking animals, until she finally saw what I did. It was the most humiliating horrifing thing. she then did not act compassionatly, no she criticized and made crude comments, then sent me away..

I know how you feel!! I promised myself, I was never going to speak or eat again, just wither away.

But as you know today, Im pretty much healthy, not cutting, and emotionally better.
Only good can come from, this with your parents knowing, it is acquired at first, but you can get used to it..
Your mother loves you so much, so it sounds like, she really is trying to help.
Please look past the hurt and pain this has started and see how she loves you.

I know how it's hard with them knowing what you've done to your body, EVERY time me and my mom and dad were in the emergency room and I was getting stitched up, I would take the cloth on the bed and cover my arms so they couldn't see..I was ashamed, but only in front of my parents, every one else could kiss my ass.

I didn't want to stop cutting, it took me about 6 months to realize I HAD to stop, or I was most likly going to die, and it sounds like you've come to a breaking point as well.

Please look forward and know that good things happen from these horrible times.
Take care, good luck!
Try and look past all the superficial shit, and love yourself..
all my support
KAT

Re: my life is over....
Posted by Erryn on Mon Apr 29 17:36:36 2002 (#2472)

Hey girl please relax and give it time, my parents just found out and im 26 and ive been doing it for 11 yrs they never even noticed maybe this is your way to get help and get better becuz you have a whole life ahead of you be safe anf ill help you every step of the way. take care xxxErryn

Re: my life is over....
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 17:58:41 2002 (#2479)

My parents found out and it was awful for a while, but now it's getting a little better. I hope things work out for you, you deserve to be happy. Don't give up yet. Love always x x x

Re: my life is over....
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 20:16:26 2002 (#2493)

Hi
Please dont give up, my mum has been shit about the cutting but I know its only cuz she doesnt understand.
Ella x

Re: my life is over....
Posted by louise on Mon Apr 29 21:41:15 2002 (#2506)

oh darling im so sorry that this has made you feel worse. and i know how you feel about your parents saying they only want to help you and everything. my mother in law has said that to me too many times now. it can get quite irritating cant it? you just get o angry because you did not ask for this concern nor did you want it! and thne all of a suddne you are being swamped with people "wanting to help". but in your eyes intruding?? i dont know if thats how you feel but its certainly how i feel from time to time. i hope you start to feel better soon. i assure you you will get used to the fact that they know and you will manage. you have come this far xx

take care xx

Re: my life is over....
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:17:39 2002 (#2522)

sweetie, I'm sorry that you had such a rough day, but if you wanted to talk to the counselor for help, then maybe you can get your parents to get you a counselor or a therapist or something and you can have them explain to your parents that you need a little space from them. It's rough now but you can use this and make it into what you wanted it to be in the first place. I know that you didn't want your parents to know, and I'm sorry that they do now, but when mine found out I hated it at first, I felt so violated, but as time went on things got better and it wasn't such a big deal. I hope that you can get past this rough part and start getting better. If you ever need to talk, just email me. Take care, Jade

Re: my life is over....
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 17:41:59 2002 (#2541)

(((((((((HUG)))))))))))
I know what you mean when peeps found out about me cutting a few years back it was very wierd how everyon was saying they want to help and shit .
It was like it neaded to be able to help myself befor i could even start to think of them helping me.
Loads a love n hugz
If you every want to mail me or ne thing i would love to here from you.
She

Showing my true colours
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 19:56:08 2002 (#2486)

Hi
Just come back from my therapist, wow that was one hell of a session! She asked if next time she could see some of my scars and cuts. She said I didn't have to show her but she wanted to know what could be so bad to trigger the reaction I live in fear of, and that maybe it might help if I showed someone for me to come to terms with what I've done. She's a good counsellor; she always seems to be discovering new things too in the sessions. But I don't know about this… I do trust her, but I've never physically set out to let people glimpse the cuts. But maybe it will help me as she said…
What do you think?
Ella x

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 20:10:35 2002 (#2491)

If you trust her then maybe it will help. It might stop you feeling guilty for hiding something as big as this and take some of the pressure off you. I think it might be a good idea hun. love always, elle x x

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 20:17:11 2002 (#2494)

Thanks for the advice!

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 20:20:33 2002 (#2496)

I hope it helped sweetie! good luck anyway. love ya. x x

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Erryn on Tue Apr 30 02:26:12 2002 (#2512)

good luck and if you trust her show her. to tell you the truth i just one day started wearing short sleeves and after that it got easy. take care xxxErryn ps im glad you found a good person to talk to

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by She on Mon Apr 29 20:44:15 2002 (#2498)

Hay that sounds great sweetie .She sounds pritty cool maby it would help if you if you did show her you scars it may help :o).
Good luck .
She

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 21:08:09 2002 (#2501)

I've had therapists, counselors, and doctors ask me to do the same thing.
When I went into the hospital each time it was a procedure, to strip search, look at scars and check for devices.

I think maybe one reason therapists do it, to see how much it's gotten to, I mean how far the SI has gotten, that way they kinda know how to respond to certain things.
It might be a good idea, you don't have to be a side show though, if you dont feel comfortable, you dont have to do anything.
:)
KAT

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by louise on Mon Apr 29 21:35:31 2002 (#2505)

hello! if you trust your councillor then i dont see why not? i mean its not like he/she is going to be judgemental or anything and he/she wouldnt think bad of you for showing them. you never know maybe it would help?

it just comes down to your gut feeling i suppose. do what you feel you can cope with. it is your life xx

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Apr 30 03:03:00 2002 (#2515)

Hey Ella,
I would consider letting her see some of them at
first. Maybe later you could show her more. That's
how Dr. Gilbert was with Tara. He asked to see her
cuts whenever SHE felt like it. He didn't push or
anything. I think you should take a chance. She
sounds like a nice lady and a good therapist.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. Take care of
yourself.
Love, RHonda

Re: Showing my true colours
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:22:25 2002 (#2523)

yeah, if you trust her and think that you're ready, then go for it. It might be a good start.Good luck sweetie, Jade

what should i do?
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Apr 29 20:19:36 2002 (#2495)

Ok, there's this guy I really really like. He's sweet, kind, funny, sensitive...everything I've ever dreamed of. We've been friends for a couple of years but just recently I've started to feel more than just friendship for him. The thing is, he knows about my cutting because my mum told him and he's always been supportive, telling me that I'm great when I've been down on myself which made me love him even more because when you're overweight and depressed you don't often get a guy saying things like that to you, ya know? Well I really want to ask him out on a date but he hasn't actualy seen my scars and I'm scared how he'll react. I don't want to risk our friendship which means more to me than anything at the moment by asking him out and him saying no, or him saying yes then being repulsed by my scars.
He's going on holiday for a week on wednesday and I guess I'm scared that he'll meet someone else, but I've never asked anyone out before and especially with me looking like I do now I don't know if I have the confidence.
What should I do?? I'm sorry if any of you think that I'm moaning or talking rubbish but I really need to sort this out in my head and I could do with some advice please. Love to all. x x

Re: what should i do?
Posted by She on Mon Apr 29 20:49:30 2002 (#2499)

OHH thats really exiting . Youve talked to me about him befor and he sounds lolvley and he makes you HAPPY:o) yep i approve of him.
Could you cover your scars ?you could make those funky things that cover your arms i like them.He would probably be cool about it n e way if he knows .IM not sure .
HURRRM
welly okey dokey
LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
she berry
Ps well done 4 making sceance of my e mail i couldnt :o) your a living genius

Re: what should i do?
Posted by Broken Girl on Mon Apr 29 21:01:04 2002 (#2500)

Hi there
If your friendship is as strong as you say then it will be able to withstand something like this. If you feel strongly about him then let him know the worst scenario is that he says no, but your friendship should be able to get around that anyway. Scars are not repulsive they are simply permanent reminders of the pain of days gone by. We're all gonna have to learn to love them cuz they are here to stay. Good luck!
Ella x
PS I don't care what you think, you ARE beautiful. I have never seen you but I can tell by the things you say and do on this board!

Re: what should i do?
Posted by louise on Mon Apr 29 21:32:21 2002 (#2504)

hello eleanor! being the expert that i am on boys (yeah right!) i think you should go for it. if you feel something just go and bite the bullet!

after all at least in years to come you wont be sitting there and thinking "i wish id asked so n so out that night"

no regrets n all that yeah??

good luck! i hope you go for it! let me know xx

Re: what should i do?
Posted by Erryn on Tue Apr 30 02:23:37 2002 (#2511)

hey girl, i think you should cover your scars long sleeves and then if it all works out down the road you could show him, you are a great person who wouldnt like you!!!! good luck xxxErryn

Re: what should i do?
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Apr 30 02:56:42 2002 (#2513)

Okay, here's my opinion. I think you should tell
him what you just wrote down, that you want to
let him see your scars but you're scared how he will react. Maybe by forwarning him, it won't be
as big a shock as just seeing them by accident. I
don't know, it might sound kind of dumb coming from someone my age. I'm not exactly in the young
set anymore. Whatever happens, I'll be here for
you honey. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: what should i do?
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:34:08 2002 (#2524)

He sounds real sweet, he also sounds worth the risk. I suppose that you might want to wear long sleeves, just because you don't want two shockers in one night. You can show him later, and maybe he'll kiss you're scars and tell you that he thinks they're beautiful. (sorry, that's just something from my head, it's wonderful though isn't it?) Just try to be casual about it, don't make it into and big production and it won't hurt the friendship, you know? And if he isn't into it at the time then it's his loss because you're wonderful, but you two will still be good friends and maybe you two will get together later down the road. Good luck and be brave. Jade

Suicide?
Posted by KAT on Mon Apr 29 21:11:55 2002 (#2502)

I haven't cut in about 70 some days now.
But since the cutting has stopped by suicidal thoughts have gone way the fuck up there!

It gets really distressing at times, and this psyke.org does not have a suicide board like the old board did. -another thing I miss about the old board :(

So does any0ne know of a good suicide message board, one like this with support and maybe some of the same familiar names..
?

KAT

Re: Suicide?
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Apr 30 02:59:26 2002 (#2514)

I'll check around and see if I can find something
to help you out. I miss that old board sometimes.
Till then, take care of yourself sweetie.
Love ya, Rhonda

Re: Suicide?
Posted by Alana on Tue Apr 30 05:18:25 2002 (#2520)

You can send all your frustrations about suicide my way and I'll be happy to listen and support you. My email address is lana_11_84@yahoo.com! I check it everyday, and because you are so special to me, I will reply as soon as I read it. I promise you that I am here for you. Whatever you need...a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, a friend who will let you scream...come and get it, it's right in front of you. All you have to do is type it all out and click send. It's that easy. I will not judge you. I promise.

All my love and kisses, Alana xoxoxox

Re: Suicide?
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:37:37 2002 (#2525)

I don't know of any but I'd be interested. That happens a lot because you lose your main coping 'skill' so it builds up sometimes. Dito on the email, if you ever need to talk.....
Jade

so....
Posted by louise on Mon Apr 29 21:29:16 2002 (#2503)

thankoyu for all of your replies to my post. it was quite exciting actually in a strange way??

i have just developed my very own email address through hotmail so if anyone does ever want to chat then email me. well i say I sorted it out. adam did it for me. we live with his mother and luckily she has a computer and is kindly letting me use it!! the twins are in bed, jack is downstairs watching coranation street so i have some time to myself ot babble away as you do.

i feel sooooo unbelievably terrible today. i have been cutting a lot more than i normally would. to be honest i dont really know why that is?? its eating me up inside. i want to go to the doctor and get some help but im scared of what thye will do. after all i have 11 month old twins! they may say that i am an unfit mother if they were to see my scars! what would happen to my children then??

i dont know how i am supposed to feel anymore. i try to be happy for everyones sake when in actual fact i am far fom happy. i am a living nightmare. i am a failure. i have my mother trying to make up with me for everything shes done. i cant cope with that. i havent even worked out how much she hurt me in the first place. i need help but im too scared to go and get it? (scratching head puzzled)

Re: so....
Posted by She on Mon Apr 29 22:28:22 2002 (#2507)

Hiya !!

Yeah it is exiting .Its cool to here from you again sweetie.
I think i know what you mean i used to hang roung with a big gang of peeps who where in extremally bad ways and depressed so i felt i would have to be strong for them and happy i seamed to be living me life trying to please everyone and i kinda forgot to be happy my self and i kinda (i kinda do alot of things ) broke down .
Ive been advised by my phyke to make a bit of my house realy pritty and realazing so i can do there when im sad and fill it will things that make me happy(razors????) ive kinda promised myself to go there once a week and smile:o).
Dunno if thats n e help .
Loads of love n hugz and a nice buttercup
SHE

Re: so....
Posted by louise on Mon Apr 29 22:43:38 2002 (#2508)

hiya again! you make me laugh! thankyou xxx

Re: so....
Posted by Erryn on Tue Apr 30 02:19:32 2002 (#2510)

hey girl welcome back!! i to am worried of what will happen to my kids and if i would loose them. i have a girl Bayleigh who will be five on the 9th of may and a boy Brendhan who just turned two. they live with me all the time so im scared to loose them take care xxxErryn

Re: so....
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 08:52:51 2002 (#2526)

Hey, I'm glad that you're posting again, I didn't get to reply last time...
If you go to get help then they shouldn't be able to do anything to your kids, especially if your husband is there. Your kids need you, so remember to take care of yourself. (A 7-year old and twins at 21! you have my respect!)
Email me whenever you like, take care sweetie, Jade

Re: so....
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 09:07:12 2002 (#2527)

Hey! I'm so glad you're here again!! I'll email you sometime if that's ok?? You're right about She, she's adorable isn't she?? Speak to you soon honey! love always, elle x x

Re: so....
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 17:49:18 2002 (#2542)

:o)

You made me blush .
Loads a love n hugzzzzz and a cup of coffe and a big field of blossom
SHE DE WEED DEY

why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by kae on Tue Apr 30 13:44:56 2002 (#2528)

I have always felt I was completely different to the rest of the world...somebody who saw things differently, felt differently, acted differently. I thought maybe that everyone feels that way...but there are so many things that show how different I am from everyone else around me.

I have never been able to talk to guys with the ease my friends do. They laugh and chatter and flirt with every guy in our year, without thinking anything of it. They are so CALM about it. Whereas with me, I panic that I'm going to say something dumb and end up barely speaking to them at all...as a result, guys don't pay much attention to me.
Today the two friends who joined forces with the counsellor yesterday met me in town for lunch. I didn't want to eat...they had huge hot chocolates and talked non-stop about their boyfriends, about being 18 and going clubbing, about the ball, about their ball dresses, about uni, about EVERYTHING that I can't bear to think about. They were so content, thinking about their wonderful boyfriends, the great time they'll have with them at the ball and at parties, and how exciting uni will be for them....

I don't have a boyfriend. The last one was in November, and the relationship ended because it screwed me up so badly. At the moment, theres a very poor chance of me even getting a date for the ball....something my friends will have no problem in doing. And will relish.

I don't want to think about the ball. No guy will look at me so theres no point in getting dressed up or trying to look 'pretty'. I don't want to go. I don't want to go dress shopping and have to hide my arms in the changing room.

The prospect of university is even worse...my friends are so excited about it, they know exactly what courses they will do, where they will go, what student loans they will choose, where and how they will go flatting...I don't know where I'm going or what I want to study. I'm so afraid of failing...in my degree, at making new friends, at being in a new place...that I don't want to go at all. I know I will fail.

WHY can't I be all the things I want to be? Why can't I be just SOME of the things I want to be?? Why is everything such a goddam fucking struggle?? I HATE BEING ME. I hate this Self that I am doomed to live with. I hate being Katie the Nobody.

All my life I have dreamed of being Somebody. Now the truth is finally beginning to hit me...I will never be Somebody....I will remain the sad, unwanted, unknown Nobody for the rest of my life. It is my destiny. The colourful dreams I had as a child were NOTHING...

I cannot live as a Nobody. There is no point...my soul is that of a Somebody and it will not survive in a Nobody.

kae

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:09:49 2002 (#2532)

Hi
I feel like that too. I feel invisible and crushed by expectations and my failure to meet them. So you cant be different because I feel exactly the same.
Ella x

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 17:21:14 2002 (#2536)

You really aren't so different. I see all my friends with boyfriends but i've never even had one relationship. I'm nearly 18 years old, what does that make me? The thought of going to the school prom fills me with dread as I can't face being around so many "normal" people and having to hide who I really am. I feel like a nobody as well. But you really aren't different sweetheart, there are lots of people like you, and you certainly aren't a nobody to me. x x

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 17:56:04 2002 (#2545)

HELLO!!!!
Oh boy do i know what you mean i really hate being me ive tryed nearly every every drug on the planet to feel like i was someone else or just have a brake from my damn brain and body .Nyuh .
I bet your gourgouse though and go to the ball i bet loads a guys like you sweetie and you dont have to make yourself pritty for n e one else you can make yourself pritty for you .

Loads of love hugs and a wonderfull night at the Ball
SHE BERRY

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 17:59:02 2002 (#2547)

I think that this might be one of those 'hits too close to home' ones, but I'll try, okay? I always thought of myself growing up and being 16, this magical number in my head, I thought that I'd be a cheerleader and go to proms and go shopping with all my friends, (yeah, I know it's clich'ed, but I was, like 6, give me a break okay?) And when the time came not only was I not doing any of those things, I wasn't even associated with people who were, I figured that there is only so much that you can do when you're as scarred as I am, (in more way than one) But what really gets me now, is that I really don't know to be a cheerleader(I REALLY don't want to) and I don't want to go to the mall with a bunch of girls that have no brain in their head, I had just assumed that that's what teenagers do, and therefore thats what I would do.
While I won't go to prom, I wish that I had an alternate reality, where I could go, and no one would be suprised that I was participating in school activities (I don't have much 'spirit') and I could wear what ever I want, and for one day I wouldn't have scars, no, that'd be a lie, huh' for one day everyone would understand. They would see that they were not freaky and not disgusting, they would except them and then not even notice. Hey, maybe they'd even match my dress :)
We ought to arrange a prom for people who cut, then no one would be self-concious. Sweetie- if you do go, even though I never ever ever show my scars, I'll travel to where ever it is that you live and wear short-sleeves, maybe then they won't even notice yours, or maybe I can assault everyone who is mean to you with pink yard flamingos and then they'll learn their lesson:) Sorry, I'm getting too comfortable with you guys, at any rate, I'm sorry if I didn't help any, but please know that lots of us know how you feel with this and I hope that you know that it's the ball the needs you, not you that needs the ball, and if anyone disagrees, then, well, it looks like they have a yard flamingo in their future. sorry, weird mood, take care, love ya, Jade

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 18:11:00 2002 (#2554)

Yeah, a ball for cutters, that sounds great! So why do we all feel so alone when there are so many of us? We should all get together and have one great ball! Sorry, im not being v.understanding, but dont feel alone Kae, theres a lot of us out there.
Ella x

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 18:44:02 2002 (#2557)

A ball for cutters sounds like so much fun!! ok, I know that probably makes me sound like some sad freak, but I'd love for just one night to be able to show who I really am, scars and all, and not be afraid of what people might say or think about me. Nice dream huh?? Love to all. x x

Re: why am I so different....???!!!
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:32:33 2002 (#2574)

KAE...the sad truth of the world is what hurts the most.
If everyone in this world was as calm and elated as your friends are , Im sorry but this world would be even more boring and superficial then it already is.

Unfortunalty, In my view, we are the people who make this world what it is.
The survivors of suicide, self injury, sexual, physical, emotional abuse, all those other things that go along with that..depression.
We are the ones who suffer and sjow the world what the other side of life is like.
I dont thin kits fair, in fact I think its so fucking un fair I hate the damn world!
but it's not worth ending the life of someone so hurt.
Don't give in to the worlds tragic underlife.
We are all different in our own way, and trust me, I know Im right were you are, in high school and going into college, maybe!, but we are different for reasons.
we have so much time in front of us that we need to try and make the best of! Theres so many more aspects of life we havent experienced.

This world is a cruel, un fair piece of shit, but if we just give up then that piece of shit wont ever change!

Trust in yourself, you dont have to have a boy by your side to make you someone!

you are you..and that's a wonderful someone.
Unfortunatly you can't see past the sadness and see the real you.

It's tough, it might never be easy, but Babe just dont give up.
take care
*hugs*
love KAT

P.S.
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:35:52 2002 (#2575)

I didn't mean to sound hypocritical, I too feel alone being a cutter and having to wear long sleevs during the summer while my friends are in bikini's, but I guess we just have to make what we can of it.

:)
KAT

Re: P.S.
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 23:50:49 2002 (#2582)

Ohh yeah that would be wicked we could all urm well ok i dont have many iders yet but there would be loads of things we could do like abbsail dont the walls .
LOads a love
SHE

Re: thanks guys...
Posted by kae on Wed May 1 06:09:11 2002 (#2594)

you guys are so sweet....

I'm seeing the counsellor 'regularly' now...and I'm going to a doctor sometime soon to see about meds...I guess things are going to have to change. They might, anyway...

kae

Re: thanks guys...
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 17:17:42 2002 (#2610)

I really hope the do change, for the better!!!! HUGE HUGS sweetie! love always, elle x x x

Alone
Posted by Star (amz ) on Tue Apr 30 15:57:01 2002 (#2530)

Hi, just a silly rant today i guess more needing to get shit out than anything, ijust dont understand how i end up feeling so alone, i should have all these people who i can go to if i need them, Emm, Jo, Phil, Tina and Jez yet i feel like ive never been more alone in my life, i just thinnk that i have somhow done something to make people want to turn there back and leave me and that i am the most worthless piece of shit most of the time and i dont understand where this is all from, My own boyfriend doesnt even find me attractive enough to sleep with me, well ok we did once and it didt go right buit now i feel like im useless and i should b trying more as he is, but im scared that ill fall flat again and end up looking like the idiot i truelly am. Im sorry please ignore me lol hormones are fucked,
Peace and unbeggotten dreams
Amz x

Re: Alone
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:06:32 2002 (#2531)

Hi
I feel alone too. Even though I have a therapist and youth helpers and family and a couple of good friends, none of that seems to make a bit of difference. So your not alone in feeling alone, if that makes any sense?! But email me if you wanna talk or something, I'm always around.
Ella x

Re: Alone
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 17:24:05 2002 (#2538)

hey. I always feel alone, like everyone has turned their back on me. I may not be able to do much but I'll promise you one thing sweetie, if you ever want to talk then email me and I promise I'll never turn my back on you. Love always, elle x x

Re: Alone
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 17:58:55 2002 (#2546)

I fell pritty alone (well i am at the moment )but i usually feel the most allone in a huge room full of peeps who all seam so fucking happy argh .
Hurm well um
LOads a love n hugs
She

Re: Alone
Posted by Star (amz ) on Fri May 10 11:34:46 2002 (#2882)

Hi everyone, thank you for your replies! im sorry i didnt reply sooner havent been on in while. Thank u again. love Amzxx

shes going to suvive!!
Posted by donnas mum (stranger in the night) on Tue Apr 30 17:17:00 2002 (#2534)

hello a very brief post as have to get down to hospital........she is going to live! however stil unconscious. keeping her unconscious till internal wounds heal or something? could take few days or weeks. do not know. so what with all of that, then the recovery period in hospital, then the psychiatric side of things donna wont be around for at least a month should imagine.

although if in couple of weeks she feels fit to write a message for me to post for her then maybe she will. ill have to see how she feels bout that. anyway i really do have to go. thankyou

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:22:30 2002 (#2537)

Hello
Thats great!!! Im so relieved, send her my love. Good luck!
Ella x

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 17:24:57 2002 (#2539)

I'm so glad!!! when she's well enough give her a hug from me! elle x

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:53:45 2002 (#2544)

Can you give her a hug from me too? Tell her we all miss and love her too, if you could.
Ella x

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 18:01:09 2002 (#2548)

And me god be carefull she might be overwellmed with all thease hugz . Ok tell you what you can have a (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) from me to .
Tell her how much i love her .
SHe

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 18:03:54 2002 (#2550)

Oh the great! Another hug please! Tell her that we love her and are sooooooooo happy that she's still with us! Jade

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:38:41 2002 (#2576)

thats great!
let Donna take as much time as she needs, we wont forget about her.

I am terrible with names but I seem to remember people from a year ago..maybe more on these boards.

I was gone maybe 3 months, and I came back and got a lot of support.

Im glad she's going to live..keep workin with her.
take care
-KAT

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 13:22:37 2002 (#2601)

welldone for thinking about donna and coming here to post...a lovely gesture which i am sure donna will appreciate xxx

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by liverpoolfc on Thu May 2 00:09:25 2002 (#2643)

I'm thrilled! Give our love.

Re: shes going to suvive!!
Posted by Rhonda on Thu May 2 01:12:00 2002 (#2648)

I'm sooooo happy!!!!!!! Please give her another
hug from me and tell her she is in my prayers
every night. Take care of her and yourself.
Love, Rhonda

self mutilation
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:20:46 2002 (#2535)

Hi
I was reading one of those stupid teen issues books today in the school libary and I looked up self harm, but of course they didnt call it self harm or self injury or anything like that, no they called it self mutilation. Uggggh I hate that term, what are they trying to do? Shock you out of doing it by making it sound so gross? I know I brought this up on the old board but its disgusting! Sorry, I know this is meaningless shit but hey, Im good at talking shit. Am i the only one who hates those words?

Re: self mutilation
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 17:26:13 2002 (#2540)

I despise the term self mutilation. It sounds so ugly somehow. My teacher at school was the first person who found out about my cutting and he called it that. It made me cringe.

Re: self mutilation
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 17:50:51 2002 (#2543)

Hi
Glad to know Im not the only one, it is such an ugly word!
Ella x

Re: self mutilation
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 18:03:34 2002 (#2549)

i dont like the word mutilation or sweed o rain SHIT i hate that word it usually means its RAINING . Hurm well ok
SHE

Re: self mutilation
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 18:05:55 2002 (#2552)

Yeah, there are a lot of ugly words about, there are some words I love though, like solace. I love that word; to take comfort in, thats what self harm is... not this self mutilation crap!
Ella x

Re: self mutilation
Posted by liverpoolfc on Thu May 2 00:05:08 2002 (#2642)

I also hate the term "mutilation" But as much as I hate it, but in all actuality that's what it is.

Re: self mutilation
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 18:09:18 2002 (#2553)

God, I know how you i know, it gets under ny skin when people call it that, my veiw is that self injuy is cutting or burning or whatever, and if someone says self-mutalation, they mean when someone cuts off their arm, or gouges out their eye or something, which is oh-so-different from SI Maybe you ought to stay away from teen mags they can subject you to a lot of crap. Oh well, take care, Jade

Re: self mutilation
Posted by anya on Tue Apr 30 21:45:59 2002 (#2563)

I just want to say that i really agree with what you are saying. We may be different but if everyone were the same then the world would be a very dull place. I've self harmed for 4 yrs now and even tho im not proud of what i do, its my only way of dealing with my past and my present and my future. i hope that eventually people will realise that every silver lining has a cloud.

Re: self mutilation
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:41:22 2002 (#2577)

you know what! Ive posted about this same thing before too.

I hated when people called it self mutilation, however in most books about depression and suicide, when you look in the index it does say self mutilation, and ooooh I hate that!

Mutilation sounds like your taking a fork and slowly chopping your arm off by poking at it! (sorry graphic!)

In all the hospitals I go in, all the kids who are "proud" of their self injury or want to get attention from it usually say, Oh im here for self mutilation blah blah blah, (not saying everyone who says self mutilation does this, dont get me wrong)

I dunoo...but I know just what you are saying!
heh
-KAT

SATs
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 18:04:04 2002 (#2551)

Hi
I've got the SATs next week and Im worried. Not about the SATs as such more about the fact that I cant seem to make myself care. Every one else is revising and flapping around and I just cant get myself to concentrate. My mind drifts and I cant learn a thing in this mental state. F-ck it, I guess i will just have to fail... I always used to care about school marks and stuff but now it seems that I care, just dont care enough to do anything about anything. I guess this sounds really selfish, but I dunno, thats just how Im feeling...
Ella x

Re: SATs
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 18:13:05 2002 (#2555)

Just try to do the best that you can in the mental state that you are in, maybe center yourself or something, you don't care now, but I'd hate to see you regret it later. Well, good luck, Jade

Re: SATs
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 18:38:50 2002 (#2556)

Hey sweetheart. Try not to worry too much. When I did my SATs I was in one of my worst stages of depression so did no revision and I still managed to get a level 6 for maths, 7 for science and 8 for english. I suppose there must have been a part of my mind that pulled through when I really needed it. Good luck honey but I'm sure you won't need it!! Love el x x x

Re: SATs
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:44:54 2002 (#2579)

Hi there, almost every single one of my classmates are taking the SAT's nex week also! and guess what , Im not!

nope I dunno, Im just gonna wait till the summer or next year...yah I know talk about procrastination.

Dont worry about it too much, and about the not being able to concentrate, thats is a sign of depression, I mean you probably already know your depressed, but it might be getting worse, try and get some help for that Hun.

-KAT

Re: SATs
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 23:54:41 2002 (#2583)

He he I refused to do my sats and chained myself to the menoriall thing in our school . BUt i did them in the end and had a month of deatentions so all in all it was pointless .Ohh well
Good luck i got my As soon
Loads a love
She

UNDERSTAND
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 19:11:58 2002 (#2558)

You can't hurt me with your glances,
Stares, remarks and words of hate,
I don't need you to accept me,
All your sorries came too late.

You won't try to understand me,
People fear what they don't know,
I have hid from what you made me,
Never let my feelings show.

Now I hope I'm growing stronger,
I don't care just what you say,
I'm still broken and depressed but
I will fight another day.

So I hope you'll understand why
I can't stand to be with you
You made me feel like I was crazy,
Well I AM NOT, so FUCK YOU TOO!

This is to all those people who made us feel like we were "freaks" or "weird". We bloody well are not and someday we'll show them just how wrong they were. Love you all, el x x

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 23:43:43 2002 (#2578)

I liked it, it had a lot of passion, keep writing, Jade

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 1 02:59:45 2002 (#2593)

thats awesome, take care xxxErryn

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:47:13 2002 (#2580)

I love it, so many people have left me because of this and Im fucking tired of it.

Thanks for posting that, it made me feel a lot better!
love KAT

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 23:56:09 2002 (#2584)

Ohh i like it .
should i stick it up in my school and see if n e one takes n e notice of it ??
I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOO
SHE BERRY

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 13:20:30 2002 (#2600)

well written eleanor! FUCK YOU ALL!!! yeah i have to say that has made me feel muuuch better thankyou lol!

louby louby lou xxx

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by liverpoolfc on Wed May 1 23:59:31 2002 (#2641)

that sounded just like what I am going through with my now ex-friend. If you don't mind I'm going to print it and put it in my journal. Don't worry I'll put your name with it.

Re: UNDERSTAND
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 13:29:21 2002 (#2603)

I LOVE THAT POEM!!! You ar SO talented you lucky girl! haha, email you later...
Ella x

Is there anyone there?
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 21:12:23 2002 (#2559)

Hi, I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment. Is there anyone here? I could really do with someone to talk to

Re: Is there anyone there?
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Apr 30 21:29:41 2002 (#2560)

I'm here!

Re: Is there anyone there?
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 21:38:29 2002 (#2561)

Hi. Sorry, I'm just feeling a bit weird. I've found out I have an eating disorder that I didn't even know existed and it's freaked me out a bit.

Re: Is there anyone there?
Posted by She on Tue Apr 30 23:58:15 2002 (#2587)

Ohh sweetie pie im here now but im probably to late .
Are you ok girly i hope you are ?
I LOVE YOU loads n loads n loads Queene .
Make sure your ok or ill wrap you in cotten wool .
She de weedy

some advice?
Posted by anya on Tue Apr 30 21:49:58 2002 (#2564)

Hey my names anya.. Ive self harmed for 4 yrs but about a yr ago i was careless and people began to notice. I would like to know from people who have been through this how you cover it up and where you do it. Im not trying to encourage myself but i cant stop and i dont want people to get hurt.
I feel sometimes like im different and people say that im alot worse than other harmers. Wots the worst thing that youve ever done? im just trying to prove that im not as insane as people say

luv
anya
xxx

Re: some advice?
Posted by Eleanor on Tue Apr 30 21:54:15 2002 (#2566)

Hey! I cut on my arms mostly but sometimes on my hips and my legs. I also have a huge burn scar on my wrist. I suppose the obvious way to hide those kinds of cuts is to wear long sleeves etc, but it can get pretty hot in summer!! You can buy some creams in chemists and things which help to fade scars, and also when cuts have healed a bit or are scarred I cover them with foundation or some other make up. That kind of dulls them down a bit so you can't see them that well unless you look really closely.
I hope this helps some. Love elle x x x

Re: some advice?
Posted by louise on Tue Apr 30 23:22:59 2002 (#2571)

first point: YOU ARE NOT INSANE!! dont you dare let me catch you say that one again!
second: i have cut on my legs for a long time so that no one can see and it has worked for me so far because i am a tomboy...i never ever wear skirts!!
third: worst thing i have done has to be a combination of burning and cutting FREAK over the top of my burn! it hurt like hell and i was convinced i was going to get caught out!!

take care xx

Re: some advice?
Posted by Kimmi on Tue Apr 30 23:26:26 2002 (#2573)

You are not alone I am a cutter myself. I always cut myself on my wrist or arm. I always use scrunchies or bracelets to hide the marks..but I am trying to stop, you should do. Even tho it has become a habit...Hope I helped..Take care and don't hurt yourself to bad..Kimmi

Re: some advice?
Posted by lostchild on Wed May 1 02:43:57 2002 (#2589)

hey hunnie~
the worst thing ive ever done is cut way way way too deep............
i dont think ive ever seen so much blood before in my life.
anyways, it was only because i was trying to kill myself, not like i cut like that ALL the time-
heck id be dead if i did.
i guess that is pretty bad.
anyways,i hide the arm ones with shirts long sleeved
and i always wear a long sleeved sweater or whatever
its pretty cold in ny even now
i cut on my legs, hips, sometimes on my feet
the feet works pretty well
u get blood easy and its the easiest to cover up
just wear sox
okay, hope i helped
be careful
dont be stupid like i am
luv,
lynn

Re: some advice?
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:50:10 2002 (#2581)

Hi there...yah this post kind of makes me un easy, nothing towards you sweetie, just I dont know how people can go so long with people not knowing they cut.
After maybe 6 months into my shit, people noticed and ALOT..so much that I was sent away for the first time.

I've done some awful stuff anf it makes me feel so ashamed, lets just say that I've had a bunch of stitches, and I wear long sleeves, long shirts, and pants everyday..it's no fun.

welcome
I hope you find some peace here.
KAT

Re: some advice?
Posted by liverpoolfc on Wed May 1 22:30:15 2002 (#2632)

When I first was caught with my cutting it scared me to death about people finding out. I would always wear long sleeves. But in the summer that is just no fun. Finally I had to look into getting help because wearing long sleeves and pants all the time is obvious.

Re: some advice?
Posted by Jade on Tue Apr 30 23:57:20 2002 (#2586)

Of course your not insane, I've got to second the bracelets and make-up, also if you wear something sheer it helps enormously, and it keeps you pretty cool as well, long sleeves can get real hot and obvious. I used to just do it on my arms, but then I, well, basically ran out of room and now I have scars all over. The worst I've ever done was enough to threaten my life, I've never been to a hospital for it, but some one that I knew was an MD and took care of me. I've almost bled to death and cut deep into the muscle and stuff. It's kinda hard to talk about, but you asked so I might as well. You learn all that you can about treating them yourself if you do it pretty bad, I now even have my own sutures and the know-how. At least make sure that you have butterfly bandages. Hope it helped. Take care. Jade

Re: some advice?
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 1 02:57:52 2002 (#2592)

first welcome ans second i wear long sleeves around like most people, but recently most people assumed that thats what i do so they dont even ask and since i work in a factory it gets hot so i just let my scars go, if someone asks me about them i say my cat did it!!! I have had over 150 stitches in my arm, thats were i cut usually. if you need anything just write take care xxxErryn

Re: some advice?
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 13:08:18 2002 (#2597)

Welcome, the worst thing I did was burn myself with a ciggerette in the same place five times or something, I hate that scar so much... dont listen to what the people say, your not insane.
Love Ella x

Help needed
Posted by Kimmi on Tue Apr 30 23:24:16 2002 (#2572)

Hello. I am 13 and I am a cutter. I have been for the past two years. My mom found out but has been no help. She doesn't understand why I do it and I don't even think she tries. I mean all I have to do is look at someone that has upset me or made me mad and I'm triggered and I cut. I also take earasers and rub them on my skin till my skin breaks. I have been to anger management,but it doesn't help none and I want to stop but then I also don't. It relases all my anger and stress and I feel better. But then I keep doing it and it has kinda turned into a habit, and I want to stop once and for all. I don't want to die or anything. So if you have anything or know anything that can help me please contact me. Thanx so much for taking the time to read this...Kimmi

Re: Help needed
Posted by KAT on Tue Apr 30 23:56:21 2002 (#2585)

yah..it quickly turns into a very dangerous, maybe fatal habit.
thats what stopped me, because I wasnt going to stop for anyone, and I didnt want to stop.
I finally almost died, and severed something in my arm, which makes me have very disgusting veiny scars...very ugly.
It got so bad that I thought I liked it, I did it for fun, when I was bored...anything, it was my hobby!! and it sucked!

Dont wait till you almost die to stop, and stop for yourself, for your own self respect.
your mom may not seem like she cares, it might be that its to hard for her to even try and understand that her daughter is hurting herself.

Even if no one cares , you need to care, and then and only then will it start clicking that this is not something that is helping anymore.
I like you have, extreme anger and rage.

Also whats helping me is something called revia.
Its a drug they give to alcoholics to stop them from having urges to drink but I take it to stop my impulses Ive also been through intense! amounts of therapy, but if you feel its out of your control, it probably is and you need ehlp hun.
dont try and do this by yourself if its to much for you.
take care and dont give up.
LOVE
KAT

Re: Help needed
Posted by liverpoolfc on Wed May 1 22:27:22 2002 (#2631)

I have started therapy about a month ago and I believe it is starting to look up for me. Even though I still cut every once and a while, I'm getting down to my inner feelings and working out. It is really hard but it is getting easier every day. e-mail me if you have any questions about it.

Re: Help needed
Posted by Jade on Wed May 1 00:02:49 2002 (#2588)

Try to pinpoint what it is that helps, and then it will be easier to replace. Maybe you can look into the 'alternatives' at the Psyke page and one might work, you know like ice cubes and rubber bands, it's works for some. Maybe if you gradually go down in frequency it might help, I don't know. Just try to figure out the Exact trigger, the root of it. Maybe it's not anger management you need, maybe it's regular therapy. If you ever need to talk, email me, take care, Jade

Re: Help needed
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 1 02:51:32 2002 (#2590)

I wish at a young age i would have stopped cuz at 26 im having a hard time quitting, but do it for yourself becuz nobody else matters. take care xxxErryn

Re: Help needed
Posted by lostchild on Wed May 1 02:55:19 2002 (#2591)

hey hunny~
i know that a lot of cutters and self mutilators dont want to die
and im glad that you dont.
my adivice is: dont be stupid.
by "stupid" i mean dont cut too deep
dont cut too close to veins
there have been a lot of accidental suicides, and i definately dont want that to happen to you!
cutting tends to be misunderstood a lot, and its easy for your mother to come off as uncaring because she doesnt understand.
the important thing is to talk to people who do understand- like us- and who want to help you stop.
if you have the thing where you go into this trance and you space out and about an hour later you "wake up" and your arm is accidently bleeding, you may need to stop sooner than later.
i would get professional help immediately so as to not accidently commit suicide.
if you dont go into the trance state, it still would be a very good idea to get professional help soon.
this can be found at a hospital where they do outpatient care or even a counseling center at school.
the best care to get would be with people who specialise in si or anorexia counceling. the two disorders are very similar in root and action.
take care!
luv to ya!
~lynn

Re: Help needed
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 12:57:53 2002 (#2595)

Hi
Wow, maybe we were seperated at birth or something cuz that mirrors how I feel and whats happening to me! Except for not wanting to die, cuz I do sometimes when Im alone and I think about my shitty life. But I know how you feel, I'm in coucelling and it actually does help me, I dont think it helps every one but its helpin me. Email me if you ever want to talk, I cant really give you that much advice because Im in the same situation!
Ella x

Re: Help needed
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 13:17:47 2002 (#2599)

hello kimmi. weldone you for saying that you want to stop! it takes guts to say that! if you feel you are ready to stop then you should probably start thinking of doing alternatives to cutting? eg. like when you are angry try hitting your pillow or messing your room up? or if it is "safe" pain you are after maybe try getting together loads of icecubes in your hand? i will hurt like hell but no marks. i wish you luck xxx

Re: Help needed
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 17:29:56 2002 (#2611)

hey Kimmi! It's great that you want to stop, it won't be easy but if you're determined then you can beat it! The only advice I can give you really is the ice cube and rubber band thing that others have already said, but if you go onto an internet search engine like lycos or something like that and type in self harm there are loads of sites out there that give advice. GOOD LUCK!!! Loadsa love, elle x x x

Re: Help needed
Posted by She on Wed May 1 18:43:39 2002 (#2612)

Hello !!

Wanting to stop has got to be the first step to doint things well done .Some of the alternitives in the psyke page are extraemally good they've jhaelped me loads.
If you wanna talk feel free to e mail me sweetie
Loads a love n hugs n roses
She berry

Wipe out the pain
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 13:05:14 2002 (#2596)

Hi
I do hash because it helps me foget but sometimes I find myself thinking about harder stuff to wipe out the pain completely... I dunno, I know it f-cks you up and all that but Im f-cked up all ready so what more can it do? They say heroin makes you feel safe, like your wrapped in cotton whool, and thats exactly how I need to feel. I know this sounds stupid, but is it worth the risk?
Ella x

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 13:14:43 2002 (#2598)

NO! it is not worth the risk ella. i have wintessed many deaths from heroin overdoses...any overdose infact. its a dangerous habit. in fact cutting would be a lot safer than that. i really advise you to think carefully about it chuck. i can understand you wanting to feel safe wrapped up in cotton wool. it is a nice feeling to have. email me if you want to talk some more. sorry if i am preaching a bit there?? dont mean to lol!

louby louby lou the deprived lunatic at your service xxxx

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 13:27:33 2002 (#2602)

Hey, thanks for the advice, I guess Im just stupid right? But sometimes its like I was destined to go down that road with my dad and everything...thanks for the advice anyhow...
Ella x, the stupid girl who doesnt know anything!

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 14:18:24 2002 (#2604)

no ella you are not stupid. if you are stupid then that must mean that everyone on this board is stupid which isnt true!! you do what you feels right in your heart, i can only offer you my opinions (which sometimes suck!)

louby lou xxx

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 17:14:29 2002 (#2609)

sweetheart you aren't stupid, just feeling a bit desperate. I've felt like that before, but since meeting She I've realised just how dangerous heroin is. Maybe you should talk to her about it? She knows a lot more than me! Stick to the hash sweetie, I do! Love always, elle x x x

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by She on Wed May 1 18:53:52 2002 (#2613)

Ella
Argh dont go there sweetie please dont it has totaly wrecked my life i e mailed you be for i saw this post and didnt realise how you felt .
I started hanging round with a group of people way back who made me feel safe ther would look after me like a sister and i got my weed from Trant who hung with them but then weed didnt seam enouth and they all used Heroin .You know how safe and "ok " people make weed sound and it is ok well they mad heroin sound thet way so i started to use it LOADS of it and it came to a polint when i couldnt afford it but i couldnt stop it was my oxygen my life so Trant found other ways of me paying He wopuld wait till i was unconnsious and that rape me it really v scary to wake up when he was doin unthinkable things to me .He said top one of his friends once " for someone who is such a looser she has a really nice body " and from then on i was deatermaind to scar it n e way possible.
PLEASE dont use it i care alot about you babe. It dosent make you feel when you know your gonna have to sleep with someone to afford it .
LOads a love n hugs and A killo of weed (stick to that yeah) 1000 roses .
She Berry

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by liverpoolfc on Wed May 1 22:22:57 2002 (#2630)

Please don't try heroin. I personally don't know that much about it but I have documentaries with real ex-addicts and it messes up your body. it is so addictive.

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by KAT on Wed May 1 23:22:15 2002 (#2635)

I used to smoke weed every goddamn day, and it made me maybe completely more depressed then I was before hand.
It sucks, and after a while it really doesnt help escape that pain you know!
I mean Im sure you know, drugs are just like cutting, same sort of thing when your talking about escaping pain.

They all give out sometime..

It's been known that heroin users do dy the first time, please another great talented man, Layne Staley from Alice in Chains died a few weeks ago because of heroin, he's one of the thousands.
Please try and find a safer route!
love ya
KAT

Re: Wipe out the pain
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:27:16 2002 (#2664)

Thank you all for your advice, I just couldnt see an alternative at the time of posting and was blanking out the reality of another addiction in my life and the toll it would take. Im sorry, as I said Im stupid, but thank you all.
Ella x

??question??
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 14:38:51 2002 (#2605)

hello. i have a question?

Does anyone here sometimes cut just for the hell of it? like when you just dont know if you feel angry or whatever but you cut anyway?

lately i feel as though i am cutting just for the hell of it. i dont want to betray the knife. making any sense??

Re: ??question??
Posted by @@@@ on Wed May 1 16:29:27 2002 (#2606)

no you are not making any sense to me. you dont just cut for the hell of it!!!!!!!

Re: @@@@
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 16:39:45 2002 (#2607)

no you have misinterpreted what i was saying there. i didnt mean it like that. i meant that i dont know why i am cutting...sometimes. that was a bit insensitive actually? but thankyou for your honest opinion @@@@. i for one actually dont think that that is the real name that you usually use to post with is it?!

although apologies if everyone feels the same as @@@@ about that post?? was not intentionally offensive

louby lou deprived lunatic xxxx

Re: @@@@
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 17:12:06 2002 (#2608)

I know what you mean. Sometimes I just pick up my razor blade even though nothing in particular has gone wrong. It's almost like a habit. Just ignore whoever @@@@ is, I don't see the point in being so rude about things, even if you disagree with someone you either don't answer or answer politely!! :-) love elle x x x

Re: @@@@
Posted by She on Wed May 1 19:41:05 2002 (#2618)

I kinda know what you mean I HAVE to cut be 4 i go to sleep whatever mood im in .
Love n hugzz
She de weedy

Re: @@@@
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 20:09:31 2002 (#2622)

Actually, Ive cut for the hell of it before. I usually cut to stop me doing some thing worse!
Ella x

Re: @@@@
Posted by liverpoolfc on Wed May 1 22:20:04 2002 (#2629)

I know what you mean about not knowing how you feel. It's like a jumbled up ball of emotions in my stomache and I can't sort them out. And out of this I get aggrivation which in turn I cut.

Re: ??question??
Posted by KAT on Wed May 1 23:25:50 2002 (#2636)

Actually until I stopped cutting about 2 and a half months ago, I cut for about 4 months, regularly for the hell of it.
Well I mean I was bored, or I wanted to do something, I;d cut, in fact thats when my cutting was the worst!

and that landed me in the emergency several times.

I was actually becoming very obsessed with just the act itself.
I would go and read books about it, and it just became MY LIFE.
It evolved around everything else, and I always cut...
I always refer to cutting as my best friend because thats what it was for a long time..
KAT

Re: ??question??
Posted by Maggie on Fri May 3 14:26:08 2002 (#2688)

Yes, I empathise completely. Usually I don't have a passionate reason to SI.
I think that the basis of 'cutting for the hell of it' is the body's addiction to endorphins.
Endorphins are the body's natural opiates that are released during SI, exercise, sex and eating chillis etc. They may be responsible for the fact some people don't feel pain during SI, and it's likely that the body eventually develops a craving for more... hence all the above activities can become addictive. So, though there may not be an environmental trigger for your SI, your subconscious may just be responding to a physical dependancy on these endorphins.

Hope that makes sense.
Luv Maggie.

I've HAD ENOUGH!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 19:11:01 2002 (#2615)

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!!!! Last night both my mum's and my dad's cars were totally trashed. Ok, doesn't sound unusual right? Well they were the only 2 cars on the whole street to be hit and they were parked at opposite ends of the road coz we couldn't get both to fit outsdie our house. Because of my dad's job he's pretty high profile and has quite a few enemies. He works for the government and has helped put a few people away, done things people don't agree with. Now we've had the police round spouting conspiracy theories and other shit and they reckon the house may be next which has made my mum, who is a mess anyway, a complete nervous wreck. SHIT!!!! I don't need all this on top of everything else. The police also reckon my parents should keep an extra eye on me as the kids could be a target as well. It's like living in a bloody episode of some shitty, over-dramatised police drama and it's driving me nuts!
Sorry for the rant, I've had a really bad week and this has been the last straw!

Re: I've HAD ENOUGH!!!
Posted by She on Wed May 1 19:36:39 2002 (#2617)

Oww my princess
Thats awfull . People can be so so shit huh?Be carefull yeah. dont stay alone to long if ne thing happens we will have to go to alaska sooner then planned I couldnt bare for you to get hurt .Ow hay maby we should but the bubble wrap and cotten wool to practise .
I care loads about you sweetie
Love hugz and a long streach of sandy whit beaches.
She Berry

Re: I've HAD ENOUGH!!!
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 19:49:23 2002 (#2619)

oh chuck...no need for apologies you rant all you want! i hope that those ignorant pathetic people iwth nothng better to do will be caught for trashing you cars etc. it must be very annoying and i can see how it must feel as though you are inside a TV!! stay strong....they are not worth the hassle

louby lou deprived lunatic who has realised the expensiveness of nappies thanks to SHE!! he he lol

Re: I've HAD ENOUGH!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 20:00:51 2002 (#2621)

No need to apoligise! My mum has quite a few enemies too cuz she involved with local government, but my dad uses this to prank call our house (pathetic isnt it?) and blame it on them.
Remember the people who did it are pathetic unevolved ape like exuses of human beings!
Ella x

Re: I've HAD ENOUGH!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 20:32:47 2002 (#2623)

dad's the M.P (member of parliament) for our town so it's a bloody nightmare. Thanks everybody! I just had to let all of that out. love to all, elle x x

mortality
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 1 19:57:51 2002 (#2620)

A mortality of fatigue
Punctuated by this torment
Smiles, they come and go
But there's always discontent
I can not regard your words
With their ugliness so raw
I've known them too long now
Received them since I was four
I will ignore your whispers
I will ignore your gaze
Stamp away your loathing
Until your hatreds but a haze
Snatch my friends away
I know I'll make it on my own
You think you have the right
Like your sitting on a thrown
But all you're loyal subjects
Will leave you one by one
When the times get rougher
When life is not so fun
But until then I will endure
I will bottle this entire affliction
Make it through your prejudice
With the help of my addiction

Re: mortality
Posted by KAT on Wed May 1 23:29:19 2002 (#2637)

That was a wonderful Poem.
I really like reading all you guy's poems, I write myself, In fact I write alll the damn time, heh..

I love it
KAT

Re: mortality
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:03:39 2002 (#2659)

Hi
You should post your stuff too then!
Ella x

Re: mortality
Posted by She on Thu May 2 20:20:36 2002 (#2671)

Your poetry is great sweetie .
I love you loads
Take care
She

Shoot me in the foot and Kick me in the head
Posted by Amanda on Wed May 1 20:47:49 2002 (#2624)

you can do either to me after i post this, i dont care this is my opinion. THIS BOARD HAS BECOME A PLACE TO WHINE ABOUT PATHETIC THINGS! thats not what it is for. this place is for us to help each other and to learn from our experiences.in the last six months i have barly cut and only done minor damage to my owm body...but that is no thanks to this place. its no wonder that all the original people from the old board have left. i first went there proberbly about two years ago, i dont think any1 here was there then. but it was incredable. the board shone through my computer screen. there was so much hope there, so much willing to survive. there is none of that here. its just blah blah this and blah blah that. the one person i remember most is colin, he was a strong christian and no one was bothered by that. here if someone even sugest their own religion they get told to "shut up and stop preaching". thats not fair they are just showing their own opinion. i used to love coming to this board, it was the light at the end of a dark day, now i just come on to c if any one really needs help...or to see if any one actually cares about any one else except themselves. i apologise to people like Rhonda, i know that she truly cares about us all and wants to help. but when will people realise that there is more to life than blabbing on to all of us. when someone has a real problem to do with SI then ill listen till then ill just laugh.

Im sorry that was so blunt but it really upsets me that everything has changed so much. Does anyone here remember Canada....i do it was such a great place. in fact i think im gonna go back soon. i loved that place but that died with the old board and all the caring people.

Love Trust and a Saddened Heart
Amanda

Re: Shoot me in the foot and Kick me in the head
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 1 21:02:36 2002 (#2625)

I'm sorry you feel like that but this board helps me and a lot of other people too. There are people who care on here and if it's not in a way that you find acceptable then I apologise, but I for one am certainly not going to change just to suit other people.

Elenor
Posted by Amanda on Wed May 1 21:13:26 2002 (#2626)

i dont want people to change, i just think that the way people ramble on about petty things that are nothing to do with SI, help no one and hinder many. and i believe that people on this board get caught up in the cyber world and forget that the real world is just as important. dont get me wrong, i dont think this board is useless i just think the old one was more helpful

Re: Shoot me in the foot and Kick me in the head
Posted by louise on Wed May 1 21:40:16 2002 (#2628)

hello. i have only recently come to this board. and i for one think that it is fantastic! it is a great place for people to come for the much needed help and support that they need.

i am sorry that this board is not to your satisfaction anymore and i am sorry that you seem unaware to accept that society is changing now. the board is obviously going to change through the years. no one can stop that and you posting that message is not going to make the socalled "whiners" stop whining and listen to yourself WHINE about how this board has changed. And in reference to your comment about colin the christian. i am sorry but from reading posts here i have not come across any one being disrespectfull towards anyonw when they talk of their religion....in fact quite the opposite. i have seen posts from those that have their religion preaching to those that chose not to believe.

i am sorry but i see no other point in yuor post than to do the exact thing you are wanting people to stop doing........WHINE pathetically (apparently) about something that is getting to you

louise xxxx

I've said it once and I'll say it again!
Posted by KAT on Wed May 1 23:34:41 2002 (#2638)

wow this keeps happening.
It's amazing, I mean nothing wrong with it...but people who have stopped hurting themselfs so severly, or at all..or even people who have come out of their depression even just a little bit, look back on the board and see it in a whole new light.
it doesnt look how it used to look when you were sad, hopeless and desperatly addicted to cutting.
I too have done this, and Im sorry, It's just theres two sides to this and once you've expereinced the good side it's like everything else isnt good enough.
and maybe its not, if you are better or maybe starting to get better then maybe the board isnt good for you anymore, and you deserve a better level of care.
This board and the old board have brought people in who need HELP.
bottom line..

and thats what the people who realize what it was like to live in that shit need to encourage the rest to help them through these things that happen in our lifes!

I understand what you were saying in your post...but look at the other side as well..

O fcourse the people who were on the old board 2 years ago arent here anymore, maybe because theyve gotten through someof the shit, or they have new groups of support to care them on their way...the people who come here are raw and have strong feelings that they need ehlp with.

Thats all
-KAT

Canada
Posted by elle (the original elle on Thu May 2 00:37:30 2002 (#2645)

hey, i havent been around in a while thanks to people like Crimson Tears... but your right - this place is different. didnt have to work today and with nothing better to do i came to visit here and am dissapointed with a lot of what i have found. i dont know these people and i wont criticize them. i would like to respond to many posts, but fear my words would be lost in the jumble of pettiness and have decided its not worth my time.

anyway, i just wanted to say that i'll take a trip to Canada with you! I only started posting a little more than a year ago, but I read posts before that. and yes, colin could teach people here a lot... he is amazing. hes a great person, a wonderful friend. he is always compassionate and understanding.

...thinking of my beautiful room with clean white walls and a big fluffy bed with a soft blue comforter. lots of pillows and all my stuffed bears, a soft carpet, a FAST computer, and of course all my friends.... c ya there.

~elle~

Re: i agree with you
Posted by lostchild on Thu May 2 00:47:09 2002 (#2647)

this place hasnt helped me at all either.......
the only reason i am still here is to hopefully help others in similar situations.
take care.
luv,
lynn

Re: i dont agree with you
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:50:56 2002 (#2667)

Hello
Sorry, but I really dont agree. I know I havnt been on this board as long as some people but as Kat says periodically you get people who have recovered from thier depression and SI and come back to tell us all how much we've changed the board and how crap it is now and how dissapointing they find it... then they ramble on saying the only reason thier still here is to help others in thier situation. Well, I dont really need help from some one who comes on here and tells me theres life outside the internet and that thier life is good now. I dont give a fuck if your life is good, mine isnt. Im sorry to be blunt but my life out side this site isnt really worth living. So PLEAS dont tell me to get a perspective when my mum thinks Im a failure and couldnt give a fuck if I was alive or not and my dad is piling so many court cases on to us that our family is seriously in debt then threatens my mother and my step dad for thier lifes. Call that a life? I dont. Cutting and 'whining' on this board keep me alive, Im sorry if I've put any imput into changing 'your' board.
Ella

Re: i dont agree with you
Posted by She on Thu May 2 20:25:40 2002 (#2672)

Im not really sure what to say .I love the bord ive meet my best friends here. I havent been on the bord for years but ive enn on for quite a while now and yeah i dose chang but its going to there no way to stop it happening
Loads of love
She

Verification
Posted by Maggie on Fri May 3 14:16:00 2002 (#2687)

Nuni, Linda and I are three of the original board members who still here, and it was Laura Rose and Delirious Butterfly who started the Canada idea.

Most of the original members left Psyke together in an exodus and created a personal exclusive board, once too many new people joined Psyke. Nuni and I also continued to post here.
I don't think you ever were around when that happened or else you would have been invited to the new board too.

Actually Colin did suffer a bit of backlash about his religious beliefs. It got to the point where anybody writing something remotely religious had to put disclaimers on their post titles, so as to not offend some readers.

You seem to be the only one bothered by the fact that this board has changed over time.
If people write what they feel, and others respond to them, this board is still fulfilling its purpouse.

This is the third time I've replied to you complaining about the content of this board. If you really have an issue about WHINERS, you should lead by example and shut up.

Re: Verification
Posted by Nuni on Fri May 3 17:39:39 2002 (#2692)

((((((((MAGGIE)))))))))))) You said it sister!!

Re: Verification
Posted by She on Fri May 3 19:40:16 2002 (#2693)

See now that makes so much more sceance.
lOADS OF LOVE
she

Re: Verification
Posted by Eleanor on Sun May 5 21:36:29 2002 (#2726)

Go girl!! Love and hugs, el x

hey i finally got here
Posted by scaredinthedark on Wed May 1 21:29:37 2002 (#2627)

hey everyone. i finally got here. well sort of cause i'm at the library. i can't get on at home cause. it's blocked by parental controls. hope everyone i know of here is doing ok and the ones i don't know. maybe i'll get on another time if i come to the library again. i love the libray so that'd be a good possibility. well good luck and love to all. scaredinthedark

Re: hey i finally got here
Posted by Rhonda on Thu May 2 01:21:33 2002 (#2649)

Take care of yourself sweetie. I'm always thinking about you.
Love,Rhonda

Re: hey i finally got here
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 2 08:55:17 2002 (#2656)

It's so good to hear from you!!!!!! Take care hun, love ya!!!! el x x x

Re: hey i finally got here
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:29:43 2002 (#2665)

WELCOME BACK!!! Im so glad your back, Im also at the libary at the moment, I mean its free! Email me please, I wanna know how your doing. Welcome back anyway, Ive missed you.
Love Ella x

Re: hey i finally got here
Posted by She on Thu May 2 20:26:42 2002 (#2673)

Hiya
i missed you welcome back
She

Re: hey i finally got here
Posted by scaredinthedark on Fri May 17 01:54:29 2002 (#3098)

hey everyone. it finally works on my comp. i just tried. yay! now i have somewhere to go to talk to people. how have you all been? i'm doin good. i'm so glad you all missed me. at least i know some people love me. i can't say that about anyone here except this boy that i met and my friend steve. my family has like dissowned me again. i still see that stupid psychologist or whatever but i don't like her. she's not helping. oh well. i'm glad you all remembered me and thanks for writing back. my email is kind of screwy right now. sumthin's up with it. but when it gets better i'll add you guys and i'll tell you. thanks again. <3 always. scaredinthedark

thankyou
Posted by anya on Wed May 1 23:02:27 2002 (#2633)

Thankyou everyone for being so nice and supportive and just remember that everyones in the gutter, just some of us are staring at the stars.

keep smiling/try to smile

in the end we all have perfect wings

luv
anya
xxx

Re: thankyou
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 2 08:53:32 2002 (#2655)

That was so sweet. it really made me smile, thank you! x x x

Re: thankyou
Posted by She on Thu May 2 20:28:13 2002 (#2674)

xxxxx

just general
Posted by anya on Wed May 1 23:08:15 2002 (#2634)

Im new to this board and after reading alot of msgs i realise that im not alone and that i can get through all this

if we are stong we will make it, we will survive

however much we whine or moan we all care about everyone and it helps. it helps to realise your not alone.

luv

anya
xxx

Re: just general
Posted by KAT on Wed May 1 23:38:35 2002 (#2639)

Exactly..
I personally dont see whining or moaning as a bad thing.

if you are in so much pain that you need to harm yourself then by all means mona and whine all you need to!

KAT

Re: just general
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 2 08:52:26 2002 (#2654)

I don't see whining or moaning as a bad thing at all. I'm happy to read anything someone has to say if it helps them to write it. I know I whine and moan sometimes, I try not to but sometimes it's needed ya know?? Lots of love, el x x x

Re: just general
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:16:02 2002 (#2662)

Hi
Its good to know we're not alone... especially when you feel so lonely. This board is great, welcome. It helps to talk with others who know what its like.
Ella x

clothes shopping
Posted by cindy on Wed May 1 23:40:12 2002 (#2640)

I;m sure a few could relate to the uncomfortable feelings that I associate with going shopping for clothes...summer and I have to buy stupid long sleeves still. standing in the changing rooms was complete and utter hell-I could see all those ugly cuts in the over-lighted mirrors and I felt the worst I've felt in a very long time. so stupid but it;s as if I didn;t believe as I was good enough to buy any of the clothes in the shop. sorry this is utterly superficial may strike you as being 'whiney' or whatever but hey to think I cant even try on a t-shirt in a shop without feeling I am completely worthless is just shit. so I needed to get it out. take care. xox

Re: clothes shopping
Posted by KAT on Thu May 2 00:21:06 2002 (#2644)

I know what you mean! Everytime I'm in a dressing room, I look at my body and see all the unnatural marks that Ive made, permanently.

Theres not many long sleeve shirts out there now, especially where I live...you have to be literally crazy to where longe sleevs here during the summer, however I do EVERYDAY.

it's a huge bummer, but theres nothing we can do about it.

Just don't look at your body so much as what makes you, I know thats hard when it's all you see...but cutting is a part of the way that most have survived all this time, so keep chin up hun!
PS. We need to get off this "whiny" bit, we have the right to be "whiny"!!

:)
take care
KAT

Re: clothes shopping
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 2 08:50:28 2002 (#2653)

I can relate to that. I wear long sleeves all the time and it sucks. I try not to concentrate on it too much now though, otherwise I just feel worse!! Lots of love, elle x x

Re: clothes shopping
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 2 17:13:53 2002 (#2661)

Hi
I dont cut my arms but I still have trouble wearing long sleeves cuz of my wrists... gonna have to wear bracelets for the rest of my life. But if I ever want to try on trousers or even shoes Im confronted with the scars all over my legs and ankles. But hey, I did that didnt I? I usually just hide them from myself so that I dont have to think about it. Im a coward like that.
Ella x

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