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Threads 326 to 350

scars
Posted by Erin on Wed Mar 13 03:56:20 2002 (#1136)

I bought some viteman E oil stuff today... I hope it works on taking my scars away. at least fading them anyway....things are still bad... I got upset because of my grades and my mom but I feel a little better after talking to my bf.. so I probably wont end up cutting tonight.

Re: scars
Posted by gnimia on Wed Mar 13 12:04:18 2002 (#1137)

I used to have some vitamin E shower gel which was quite good. hope it helps!

Re: scars
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 15 02:27:12 2002 (#1149)

Hey Erin,
There is also a patch for scars and some cream
stuff. The cream is called, "Mederma" I think. You
can find it at Wal-Mart in the pharmacy section.
The vitiam E oil works okay too, so I've heard.
Take care of yourself.
Love, RHonda

she saw a scar
Posted by melz on Thu Mar 14 20:39:01 2002 (#1143)

Ok...
I have a big scar on the middle of my leg, and im wearing shorts today, because its really warm outside, and my mom saw the scar, and said 'you didnt cut yourslef, did you?' i said 'no!' and then she said 'well, you have those other cuts on your arm' so i said, 'i told you it was a scratch from moving my furniture.' (stupid lie, it was all i could think of)
So now she is all on my case, and i dont know what to do. I need excuses. What if she tells my dad, he'll totally flip out on me, and i cant handle all this shit now. damn it. Anyone have any advice on what i should do?

Re: she saw a scar
Posted by diana on Thu Mar 14 21:09:53 2002 (#1144)

if they come to talk to you again, tell them that if you needed their help or advice then you would of asked them already. tell them that you don't get in their business, or ask them why they have a bruse or cut on themselves. say ur a normal person who falls, walks into things, gets scratched... its a part of life. who cares if they believe that one, but hopefully it'll make them stop being up your ass.-diana

Re: she saw a scar
Posted by melz on Thu Mar 14 21:46:52 2002 (#1145)

thankyou, i'll do that!

Re: she saw a scar
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 15 00:54:43 2002 (#1147)

A good idea would be to just come clean with them and tell them what you're struggling with right now. I remember my friend convinced me to tell my parents about what was going on, for the main reason that he couldn't help me as much as he wished...so I told them...definately the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was hell at first, cuz they just couldn't understand...but it does get better, I promise you that. Anything is better than lying to them, especially when you need them most.

Good Luck, I hope things work out for you!

Love, Alana

Re: she saw a scar
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 15 02:30:35 2002 (#1150)

Alana makes a good point. It hard to understand at
first, but it gets easier. Trust me, I know. Parents just don't understand why their kids do
this to themselves, but some of them will help
anyway. I'm one of those. I just want to help Tara. Please think about telling your parents, they may surprise you. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: she saw a scar
Posted by gnimia on Fri Mar 15 13:24:02 2002 (#1153)

glad things are going better for you alana, than last time we spoke.

take care

MAGGIE!!
Posted by Nuni on Fri Mar 15 20:41:29 2002 (#1154)

Hi Maggie,
I haven't heard from you in a while. I know you have a lot going on with UNI and all. I really miss you. I am glad to know that you're B-day was wonderful. You deserve the best. I am glad we don't have to place our "plan" in place anymore. I hope you continue to relish many more birthdays. I love you. Huge HUGAS!
Nuni

Re: MAGGIE!!
Posted by Maggie on Mon Mar 18 10:38:30 2002 (#1164)

Thanks Nuni... I love you too.

(((((((((((((((NUNI)))) )))))))))))))

lip-biting
Posted by kae on Fri Mar 15 23:37:22 2002 (#1155)

hey guys...extremly random and irrelevant post... I was just wondering if any of you guys also "chew" the inside of your lips to the point of bleeding? I do it all the time, just out of habit, and more when I'm upset or nervous. I wouldn't consider it a form of self harm, although the tissue on the inside of my lips is usually very chewed, sore and bloody. I just want to know if anyone else does this....??? I'm just interested.

'in a weird mood today'....kae

Re: lip-biting
Posted by Alana on Fri Mar 15 23:49:48 2002 (#1156)

I do that all the time...worse when I'm on E though...haha, just had to throw that in there.

Yes I do it too. I haven't really thought about it though. SOme days I do it worse than others, and sometimes I don't do it at all. Humans are weird.

Alana

Re: lip-biting
Posted by melz on Sat Mar 16 06:55:33 2002 (#1157)

Yup, i do. on the inside of my mouth around the corners.

Anyway, i told two of my friends about my s.i. today :*( And then i came home and cut my arm up. i geuss talking about it didnt help very much.

Re: lip-biting
Posted by Erin on Sat Mar 16 16:57:21 2002 (#1158)

I do that sometimes too. mostly out of habit

Re: lip-biting
Posted by diana on Sat Mar 16 22:05:37 2002 (#1159)

ive been doing it as a while.... but its just a habbit like nail biting n shit. mostly when i am nervous, or sometimes i do it n don't even realize it.

Re: lip-biting
Posted by *me* on Sun Mar 17 05:17:36 2002 (#1160)

I do that ALL the time. And the insides of my cheeks too. I have ever since I was really really little. I've never thought of it as self harm before, but I suppose it is, bc if your anything like me you get it bleeding pretty bad. And I do it when I'm nervous or anxious, too.

I feel lost
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 18 06:01:54 2002 (#1163)

I feel lost in the hate I feel from this world. I feel lost in my own mind. I feel lost in the love I can't give up to someone from my soul. I feel all too much tonight.

"Deliver me out of my sadness. Deliver me from all of the madness. Deliver me courage to guide me. Deliver me strength from inside me. All of my life, I've been in hiding, wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.

I wish I had someone I could spend time with and show them who I am. I can't bear to be alone anymore. I feel that I can see what others can't...and this deep and intense emotion that I sense from the world around me has left me feeling dead inside. What's the point of living on the outside if you're already dead on the inside. I can't begin to explain why I can go from feeling alright with how things are, to complete and hopeless despair. I can't explain what I am to myself and everyone around me.

"I found out that the poets were the worst possible interpreters of their own writings" - I guess that explains why I can't interpret what I mean.

If it is to be, it's up to me to make things work around me. I can't trust others to shape my reality, my emotions, and my moral values. I have to be "ok". I view my existance as insignificant. Take a look around at the mass of importance in this world and really ponder what your life can do and can influence. Shit nothing. I'm useless. I would like to think that I represent a good attitude after all I've experienced these past years, and I'm a strong believer that attitudes are the mirror of the mind - they reflect thinking. My attitude toward myself is shit...my attitude towards the people in my life that I care about is quite positive. So what does this mean? How could I portray two completely different characters all at once. I don't understand how and why I've changed so much.

I'm not me.

~I am wise because I know nothing~ Socrates

I repeat that quote to myself sometimes when I'm feeling down. Gives me hope. Not much tonight though.

Love, Alana

Re: I feel lost
Posted by kae on Mon Mar 18 11:19:17 2002 (#1165)

Hey Alana, haven't seen you round for a while...

You have a very philosophical view of life...and that shows how intelligent you must be. I've noticed that it is people like you, and me....people who think differently to others, and consider the 'why' and 'how' of life, rather than the 'what'...are the ones who generally feel dissatisfied with life. When shit happens we feel more betrayed rather than simply pissed off...we think outside the square. We think "why is life like this?" "why am I like this?" Other people simply see the logics of life and generally accept it.

I can tell that you are smart. Smart people are worthwhile, significant people. And I'm damn sure that Socrates felt the way you are feeling at the moment too...he had the same depressing, philosophical view on life. But he kept writing, kept thinking, kept himself going. He survived, and now we remember him for his amazing thoughts.

You can do that too. Do you write? Like, in a journal or something? I like the way you write and I think others will too, if you share your writing more.

...you have an incredible talent and thats definitely something to live for, even though it seems to backfire sometimes. Please...don't give up on life yet.

luv 'n hugz, kae

I fuckin hate you
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 18 20:45:47 2002 (#1168)

You assume that I have no mind, and that I portray myself as a child. Well guess what...you're all absolutely right, which is why I find it a bit easier to hate myself with a 6 inch slice down my forearm. Thanks for the eye opener, if only I had known sooner that I was an idiot I would have done this a long time ago.

I fuckin hate you Alana, you're nothing but a stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker. : ) Smile...isn't this what you wanted...good, glad to know I could be of some help around here.

Hope you're happy. FUUUCCCCKKKK.

ALANA

Re: I fuckin hate you
Posted by Jadeine on Tue Mar 19 16:56:26 2002 (#1169)

hmmm.. guilt trips dont work this way... stop attention seeking and cut in silence child.

Re: I fuckin hate you
Posted by Nuni on Tue Mar 19 20:40:31 2002 (#1170)

Ok... screeech. This has gone on long enough. You two are really going on and on about WHAT? Nothing. This is meant to be a "safe" haven. Not a place where we, YES we criticize one another. It's ridiculous. Please, Please stop. One way or another unless you are Linda, or Rhonda, we are all suffering. In fact even Linda and Rhonda suffer in a sense that they try to help, and things don't change (not always). But, here WE are going back and forth at eachother. The point of this is compassion. Instead of fighting back with ugly words, how about trying words of understanding. I know Alana from past posts but the other person I dont know. I hope you reconsider the words that you use. Both of you.. and to everyone else. Including me. If it fits wear it! Take care!
Huge HUGS,
Nuni

JADEINE!
Posted by Alana on Tue Mar 19 22:21:14 2002 (#1171)

That post had nothing to do with you. Don't flatter yourself...I don't actually think about your insults. It was actually about the hate I feel from my dad. For fucks sake, would you just get off your high horse and walk like the rest of us. I'm trying.

Alana

Re: JADEINE!
Posted by J on Tue Mar 19 23:44:20 2002 (#1172)

Alana if u wanna talk things out with sum1 im here to help.E-mail me or chat.
Jx

Alana
Posted by Nuni on Wed Mar 20 18:02:16 2002 (#1175)

Hi Alana,
Hey if you want to "chat" drop me an e-line. I have dad issues too. My dad, and my father are both alcoholics. It stinks. Take care.
Nuni

My psych paper
Posted by Erica on Wed Mar 20 00:21:10 2002 (#1173)

Hi everyone. Well it's done. I just finished my term paper for abnormal psychology. And I will include it for your reading pleasure. Happy reading, and let me know how you like it.

Erica

Self-Mutilation

Self-mutilation is becoming more prevalent in our society. The journey through time for those who self-mutilate to get the recognition they deserve has not been easy. At one time those who practiced self-mutilation were thought of as either saints or possessed by demons. Lately we have classified those who self-mutilate into other subcategories. Classified in disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Although the self-mutilator may not exhibit all the signs of these disorders, they still may get classified in them.

Self-mutilation has many other names. Self-injury, self-inflicted violence, cutters, self-destructive behavior, and self-harm are just a few. It will be referred to as self-mutilation in this paper. In the Bible section Mark 5:5 a demon-possessed man is referred to. "Always, night and day, (he) was crying and cutting himself with stones." Flagellants, a religious sect in the middle ages lashed themselves with cats-o'-nine tails, attempting to atone for societies sins and lift the great plague, while wandering through Europe. Whirling Dervishes of the Islamic religion have been said to split open their head, allow people to dip bread and such items in the blood, and then the people eat the food. Even in some cultures youth go through initiations that include being cut and pierced to gain entrance into adulthood. Today’s youth often go through body modification processes that include piercings, tattoos, and branding. However this, for the most part is not considered self-mutilation.

What is self-mutilation? Mosby defines it as "a state in which an individual is at high risk to injure but not kill himself or herself, and action that produces tissue damage and tension relief." In simple terms Self-mutilation is any act that will harm oneself. There are three main types of self-mutilation: Major self-mutilation, Stereotypic self-mutilation, and superficial or moderate self-mutilation. Major self-mutilation includes such things as castration, amputation of limbs, enucleation of eyes, and other practices that lead to permanent disfigurement. This form is very rare. Stereotypic self-mutilation usually occurs within those who are psychotic and the mentally retarded. It includes behavior such as rhythmic head banging, eyeball pressing, and biting. The final form, Superficial, is the most common. It includes cutting, burning, scratching, skin-picking, bone-breaking, hair-pulling (trichotillomania), hitting, overdosing on medication, deliberate overuse injuries, interference with wounds healing, and any other behavior and action that will cause damage to oneself.

Still yet in clinical studies and an informal Usenet survey it was found, "the most popular act was cutting, and the most popular sites were wrists, upper arms, and inner thighs. Many people have used more that one method, but...tend to favor one or two preferred methods and sites of abuse." However other sites those who self-mutilate use includes: lower legs, stomachs, lower arms, and the breast area. Dr. Favazza and another conducted a study of self-injuring women. It was found that:
· 34% strongly hated their breasts
· 58% strongly hated their periods
· 56% strongly hated pelvic exams
· 19% said they would be better off without a vagina
· 10% said they injure in an attempt to stop their periods

"Each of these self-harming people has a different history, a different motive, a different state of mind before, during, and after harming themselves" (Steven Levenkron). Self-mutilators have several characteristics that define them. However not all individuals fit it exactly. They may only exhibit one or two characteristics. According to Mosby there is "an inability to cope with increased psychologic/physiologic tension in a healthy manner; feelings of depression, rejection, self hatred, separation anxiety, guilt, and depersonalization; fluctuating emotions; command hallucinations; need for sensory stimuli; parental emotional deprivation; and a dysfunctional family." While "Miller (1994) and Favazza (1986, 1996), among others, discuss several possible motivations:
· Escape from emptiness, depression, and feelings of unreality
· In order to ease tension
· Relief; when intense feelings build, self injurers are overwhelmed and unable to cope, by causing pain, they reduce the level of emotional and physiological arousal to a bearable one
· Expression of emotional pain
· Escaping numbness
· Obtaining a feeling of euphoria
· Continuing abusive patterns: self-injurers tend to have been abused as children
· Relief of anger
· Biochemical relief
· Obtaining or maintaining control over the behavior of others
· Exerting a sense of control over one's body
· Grounding in reality, as a way of dealing with feelings of depersonalization and dissociation
· Maintaining a sense of security or feeling of uniqueness
· Expressing or repressing sexuality
· and Expressing or coping with feelings of alienation"

It is believed that self-mutilation may be co morbid with other disorders. For example a person, who shows a self-mutilating behavior, also is likely to suffer from an eating disorder, substance abuse problems, etc. The following is a percentage from the book Bodily Harm showing what percent of people with other disorders also self-mutilates:
"Types of population Percent who also self-injure"
Bulimics 40.5
Anorexics 35.0
Patients with multiple personality disorder 34.0
Prisoners with personality disorders 24.0
Mentally retarded people in institutions 13.6

Women and men experience and deal with their emotions differently. While a woman is more likely to turn their feelings inward, men are more likely to express and turn their anger outwards. When it comes to self mutilating behavior women tend to do things like cutting carefully. While a male is more likely to make deeper, and longer cuts, more serious burns. They act more than they think, where as female will think a little more when it comes to self-mutilation. Two friends of mine, one male the other female, mutilated themselves in almost the exact same spot, a few inches above the left nipple. My female friend made a cut that required about 10 stitches. The cut was somewhat shallow, yet deep enough to require stitches. While my male friend took a knife and stabbed it into his chest, barely missing his heart. Both were acts of desperation, yet expressed in two different ways.

Self-mutilation is slowly gaining in popularity. Coined now as the "anorexia of the nineties," it is slowly becoming just as popular as eating disorders. Some even will say that self-mutilation and eating disorders are sister diseases. According to Favazza "self-injury is probably a bit epidemic." Favazza continues to estimate "the number of sufferers at 750 per 100,000 Americans, or close to 2 million, but suggests the actual figure may be higher." Many self-mutilators will even be hospitalized. However this is one of the worst things that can be done. In a hospital setting the individual is often restricted from sharps of any kind, including plastic silverware for eating. When you remove the individuals’ choice cutting instrument it forces the individual to become very resourceful at finding objects to harm themselves. Unless the individual wants to stop self-mutilating, any hospitalizations will be useless.

Self-mutilation affects many people of different ethnic origins. It is found that females practice the behavior more than males. The mutilator usually starts at about age 14 and will continue until their late 20's. However it has been found that some people start as children and continue until late in life. The usual self-mutilator is generally of Caucasian descent, and comes from middle class families. As mentioned before they are also likely to suffer from other obsessive-compulsive disorders. "Often she is a high achiever in some area.... At the same time, she may ignore subjects that don't interest her.... She is often apologetic even when she has done nothing to apologize for.... Still she is a person generally liked by her peer group." A recent question on a self-mutilation message board asked what age everyone had started hurting themselves. Overall it was found that 7 out of eight respondents started in their early teens. The other one had started as a child.

Two groups that aim to help those who self-mutilate are S.A.F.E., short for Self Abuse Finally Ends, and Self-Mutilators Anonymous. Both have been researched for the study of this paper. The Thin Red Line mentions: "Self-mutilators anonymous, a New York support group, was initiated 11 years ago by two men, one of whom, Sheldon Goldberg, 59, gouged his face with cuticle scissors, "deep digging" to remove ingrown hairs. 'I would have so many bandages on my face from cutting that I would sit on the subway all dressed to go to work,' says Goldberg,"and people would look at me and I would realize a wound had opened up and I was bleeding all over my shirt.' Now five reconstructive surgeries later, the lower half of Goldbergs face is solid scar tissue." Goldberg continued, "But men can get away with it.... When people ask me what happened, I say: 'I was in the war. I was in a fire.' Men can use all the macho stuff."

In one part of Levenkrons book this dialogue goes on: “I commented, 'you don't like pain at all, then?' She shot me a critical look. 'It's never about liking pain. If I liked pain, then it wouldn't help. I hate it, that's why it helps.'" Conterio and Favazza conducted a study in 1986. According to them 10% of those who self-mutilate feel great pain, 23% experience moderate pain, and 67% felt little or no pain at all. One self-mutilator quoted, "It wasn't pain I was feeling, it was like an injection of Novocain that the dentist uses; it makes pain go away even though the needle 'pricks' as the dentist puts it in. And because I controlled the pain there was no fear with it. So maybe it's not real pain." For the self-mutilator, the physical pain is a cure for emotional pain. Karen Conterio states "Self-mutilation is a behavior, not an identity."

Family and close friends often have a hard time dealing with the self-mutilator. Some may give ultimatums. However no matter how much a person cares for the self-mutilator, no one can force them to stop. Family and friends need to be honest with themselves about how self-injury makes them feel. Some ideas of showing support include:
· Don't avoid the subject of self-mutilation.
· Be available to talk.
· Make it clear from your behavior that they don't need to self-mutilate to get your attention.
Family and friends should never be afraid to take a break when they need to. If they don't take breaks they will eventually burn out.

Behind every self-mutilator is a very scared person. “I think that there’s a wish implicit in the injury that someone else will notice and ask about it,” claims Conterio. On a self-injury message board, there is a common theme. Almost everyone wants help. Often you will read about how someone in the helping role made a comment that was rude or uncalled for. Many health practitioners are not trained in how to deal with a self-mutilator. A bill of rights has been written up for those who self mutilates. It follows:
“The Bill of Rights for Those who Self-Harm
1. The right to caring, humane medical treatment.
Self-injurers should receive the same level and quality of care that a person presenting with an identical but accidental injury would receive. Procedures should be done as gently as they would be for others. If stitches are required, local anesthesia should be used. Treatment of accidental injury and self-inflicted injury should be identical.
2. The right to participate fully in decisions about emergency psychiatric treatment (so long as no one's life is in immediate danger).
When a person presents at the emergency room with a self-inflicted injury, his or her opinion about the need for a psychological assessment should be considered. If the person is not in obvious distress and is not suicidal, he or she should not be subjected to an arduous psych evaluation. Doctors should be trained to assess suicidality/homicidality and should realize that although referral for outpatient follow-up may be advisable, hospitalization for self-injurious behavior alone is rarely warranted.
3. The right to body privacy.
Visual examinations to determine the extent and frequency of self-inflicted injury should be performed only when absolutely necessary and done in a way that maintains the patient's dignity. Many who SI have been abused; the humiliation of a strip-search is likely to increase the amount and intensity of future self-injury while making the person subject to the searches look for better ways to hide the marks.
4. The right to have the feelings behind the SI validated.
Self-injury doesn't occur in a vacuum. The person who self-injures usually does so in response to distressing feelings, and those feelings should be recognized and validated. Although the care provider might not understand why a particular situation is extremely upsetting, she or he can at least understand that it *is* distressing and respect the self-injurer's right to be upset about it.
5. The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.
No care provider should disclose to others that injuries are self-inflicted without obtaining the permission of the person involved. Exceptions can be made in the case of team-based hospital treatment or other medical care providers when the information that the injuries were self-inflicted is essential knowledge for proper medical care. Patients should be notified when others are told about their SI and, as always, gossiping about any patient is unprofessional.
6. The right to choose what coping mechanisms they will use.
No person should be forced to choose between self-injury and treatment. Outpatient therapists should never demand that clients sign a no-harm contract; instead, client and provider should develop a plan for dealing with self-injurious impulses and acts during the treatment. No client should feel they must lie about SI or be kicked out of outpatient therapy. Exceptions to this may be made in hospital or ER treatment, when a contract may be required by hospital legal policies.
7. The right to have care providers who do not allow their feelings about SI to distort the therapy.
Those who work with clients who self-injure should keep their own fear, revulsion, anger, and anxiety out of the therapeutic setting. This is crucial for basic medical care of self-inflicted wounds but holds for therapists as well. A person who is struggling with self-injury has enough baggage without taking on the prejudices and biases of their care providers.
8. The right to have the role SI has played as a coping mechanism validated.
No one should be shamed, admonished, or chastised for having self-injured. Self-injury works as a coping mechanism, sometimes for people who have no other way to cope. They may use SI as a last-ditch effort to avoid suicide. The self-injurer should be taught to honor the positive things that self-injury has done for him/her as well as to recognize that the negatives of SI far outweigh those positives and that it is possible to learn methods of coping that aren't as destructive and life-interfering.
9. The right not to be automatically considered a dangerous person simply because of self-inflicted injury.
No one should be put in restraints or locked in a treatment room in an emergency room solely because his or her injuries are self-inflicted. No one should ever be involuntarily committed simply because of SI; physicians should make the decision to commit based on the presence of psychosis, suicidality, or homicidality.
10. The right to have self-injury regarded as an attempt to communicate, not manipulate.
Most people who hurt themselves are trying to express things they can say in no other way. Although sometimes these attempts to communicate seem manipulative, treating them as manipulation only makes the situation worse. Providers should respect the communicative function of SI and assume it is not manipulative behavior until there is clear evidence to the contrary.”

Self-mutilation is a very complex disorder. By examining the behavior we gain a better understanding about why someone would feel the need to participate in it. Just as you or I learn ways to cope with the stresses of daily life, so has the self-mutilator. They are not freaks or extremely abnormal, they simply have a disorder that must be addressed. Through understanding, and psychotherapy the self-mutilator will learn healthy ways of dealing with their emotions. Family and friends must be there to help and guide that person as they learn ways to deal with life instead of harming themselves. We must be careful not to put a stigma on those who need help. Educate yourself on the matter.

Re: My psych paper
Posted by Erin on Wed Mar 20 02:00:06 2002 (#1174)

that was well written. I liked it.. I even sent it to my bf

Re: My psych paper
Posted by pink girl on Wed Mar 20 20:59:23 2002 (#1176)

yeah, i agree, thats really well written :)
i think, if its ok with you, i will print it off and give it to a few of my 'friends' who have had words with me about my self harm, hopefully it'll make them realise im normal!

take care
love sarah xx

Re: My psych paper
Posted by *me* on Wed Mar 20 22:42:30 2002 (#1177)

Great paper Erica! I enjoyed it.

Re: My psych paper
Posted by erica on Thu Mar 21 19:53:56 2002 (#1182)

Go ahead and copy it to give to friends. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Erica

today.....
Posted by *me* on Wed Mar 20 22:49:44 2002 (#1178)

A couple things to talk about.

First, my friend is in a class with a cutter. She was telling me that today, the girl went to the restroom, and someone was like, "I need to go check on her, she said she was going to cut herself." So apparently the teacher and like the whole class went out trying to find her and the teacher went to the office and it was this whole mad search. And I don't know the whole story but someone told her to "wait" and she said "No, I need to cut now" and left the room. And about the time this was going on, I was in one of the bathrooms, and the principal came in and was like, "EVERYONE OUT NOW!!!!!" and made everyone leave. So I'm assuming that they sent the principal out to find her??? And I feel sort of bad for the girl. I know her, we used to be friends but we drifted apart, but God, how EMBARRASSING for her!! I mean, I guess she sort of brought it on by announcing to the class that she was going to cut, but STILL...I know what the overwhelming urge to cut is like, and I think that if the staff was searching the bathrooms trying to find me I would be so horribly embarrassed. Isn't that crazy?? I didn't know what to say to my friend when she told me. I was just like, "wow, that must have been a wild class."

Second, I almost passed out today. Does anyone have any tips on how to NOT pass out but still not eat? Is it even possible?

Thanks. Take care and stay safe everyone!

Re: today.....
Posted by Nuni on Wed Mar 20 23:54:38 2002 (#1179)

NO!.. I am a recovered BULIMIC, huge difference from anorexia.. but not really. In order to not PASS out from not eating. You have to eat something. Try starting with BOOST, its a low cal, protein and calcium based drink. You won't feel like you are eating anything. But it will at least keep you alert, and mobil. Not eating is a dangerous thing. I hope you decide to get help. Having an eating disorder is a scary thing. I hope you write soon. Take care.
Nuni

Re: today.....
Posted by *me* on Thu Mar 21 03:29:26 2002 (#1181)

Hey Nuni..thanks for replying. I just can't bring myself to put the food in my mouth. I guess I'm technically not a full fledged anorexic or whatever, bc I have a banana and water for lunch, but that's pretty much all I eat all day and my school has quite a few flights of steps..and I get so dizzy and light headed. I just can't eat though. The food looks so disgusting. When I do eat I have to puke it up because it just makes me sick. But anyways..I didn't think there was a way to prevent passing out, but I was hoping.

Thanks again..lots of love, take care and stay safe!

dumdum..sort of weird topic here....sorry
Posted by *me* on Thu Mar 21 03:08:15 2002 (#1180)

Didn't really know where else to ask/go. This pretty much is ME word for word...cept I guess I'm the 10% female part! haha. Does this happen to ANYONE else?? I thought I was all alone but I guess not? I don't know. Does anyone have any advice if this happens to you?? It's like the worst thing ever. Ok well I'm just going to C+P this article I found:

The Secret Social Phobia

It's one of the most common anxiety disorders in the country, yet the least talked about. Shy bladder syndrome -- the inability to urinate when others are around -- is debilitating, demoralizing -- and very treatable. By Liza Jane Maltin

WebMD Medical News

June 11, 2001 -- Your friends are planning a day out at the ballpark, or the museum, or the mall. You'd love to join them, but instead, you make up an excuse and decline. You feel ashamed, unhappy, and utterly alone, but you will not reveal your secret: an inability to urinate in public restrooms that won't let you stray too far from home.

If you're one of the 17 million Americans with shy bladder syndrome, or paruresis -- especially if you're one of the estimated 1 to 2 million whose social and professional lives are severely hampered by it -- the scenario is all too familiar. If you're not, you're probably a bit baffled. You may even be laughing. But SBS is anything but funny to those struggling with it.

"Shy bladder syndrome is considered a social phobia by [mental health professionals], because the person who has it knows it's irrational," says Steven Soifer, MSW, PhD, author of the new book The Shy Bladder Syndrome: Your Step-By-Step Guide to Overcoming Paruresis.

"It's this awful feeling that even if someone held a gun to their head, they couldn't go," says Soifer, a professor of social work at the University of Maryland and president of the International Paruresis Association.

In the workshops he conducts, Soifer has "talked to people who've held their bladder for 12, 16, 20 hours because they could not find a 'safe' bathroom. Unless you've experienced it, it's difficult to understand how this can be."

Soifer understands, because he's been there himself.

"People [with SBS] get anxious and fear that others may be watching, listening, or waiting," he tells WebMD. "It's a classic mind-body problem. If you perceive danger, your body reacts in certain ways. For people with paruresis, the internal sphincter shuts and urination is impossible."

The Seeds of Shy Bladder Syndrome

Granted, almost no one prefers a public facility over the comfort of home, but for most people, if you've gotta go, you go. It may not be pleasant, but it is certainly not frightening. So why do paruretics, people with SBS, feel afraid?

While some paruretics trace their first symptoms to emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, and others to a particularly anxiety-provoking toilet training experience, the vast majority blame a specific, traumatic event in early adolescence.

"The typical story is of being teased, harassed, or hurried by classmates at a sensitive age, usually around puberty, while trying to use the restroom," says Soifer. To keep from feeling that anxiety again, the person avoids public bathrooms, a behavior which ultimately becomes ingrained. Eventually, it's no longer a choice. The person is physically unable to urinate in public.

While both sexes are susceptible to paruresis, "nine of 10 who come in for treatment are men," says Soifer.

Our society is difficult for anyone prone to paruresis, but particularly for men, says Tom Seehof, a 75-year old recovering paruretic who suffered silently for years, but now runs the California branch of the IPA's support group network.

"The discussion of bodily functions is stigmatized in this country more than others, and yet our men's rooms do not allow for privacy," he tells WebMD.

The ramifications of SBS can be truly devastating, he says.

"First, you feel you're the only one who has it," says Seehof. "You're all alone, you come to the conclusion that you're crazy, and quite often you become depressed."

The result, he says, is that "people with paruresis are very isolated and ashamed, and don't seek help. The symptom becomes the center of their life."

Treatment

Although paruretics are initially ashamed and don't want to talk about their condition, it's essential to treatment that they do. Once they summon the courage to initiate treatment with a therapist or urologist, "it's a rare case that cannot be helped," says Soifer. "It's actually relatively easy to treat. We do a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, called graduated exposure therapy, where the person is gradually reintroduced to the feared situation."

Graduated exposure therapy could go something like this, Soifer tells WebMD: The therapist has the patient attempt to urinate while a friend waits at a comfortable distance. At first, that could mean in an entirely different building, or down the street. Each time, the friend moves a bit closer, until the patient is able to relax and let go with someone in the next room, then with someone standing right outside the door, and eventually, in a public facility.

Typically, he says, 8-10 weeks of therapy is enough to make a real difference, and many can see significant improvement after only a weekend workshop.

"There are exceptions, of course," says Soifer -- especially for the one-quarter of paruretics with co-existing problems such as depression or panic attacks.

"Sometimes, medication to reduce anxiety is helpful," he says. "The drugs can make the graduated exposure therapy go more easily."

For Seehof, the key to recovery was separating the basic human need to urinate from the complex emotions that had grown up around it. He learned "to focus on the physical, keeping the emotional at bay long enough to do what I need to do."

Re: dumdum..sort of weird topic here....sorry
Posted by diana on Sun Mar 24 17:39:00 2002 (#1184)

dude don't worry bout it, i'm one of those 10% who do too. but im kinda diff cuz my bladder must be the size of a pea so i always gotta pee. but im so shy so i make all my friends leave the bathroom n i usually wait for ppl to leave when im in the schools restroom. lol it kinda sucks but i can live with it. when we grow up we'll prolly realize that it was stupid to care bout peeing. i duno, just my thought.-diana

Diana!! I'm blocked from your post!!
Posted by *me* on Sun Mar 24 21:29:04 2002 (#1185)

Could you (or someone??) C+P it into a new message to see if that works? Thanks.

a revelation
Posted by erica on Fri Mar 22 21:53:16 2002 (#1183)

Lately I've been thinking a lot about SI. I've thought that maybe I don't have the problem because my cuts weren't deep enough. But what is deep enough. I was walking to the bus stop last night from getting stitches in my hand at the hospital. Don't worry it was only 5. Anyways it hit me. I am a self injuror. I think deep enough has finally hit, and no matter how deep I cut I am a cutter. I mean I went in to the hospital to have a cut checked on a friday. not that sunday, but the next I was in with a deeper cut and then yesterday. I'm starting to get scared, but I don't know what to do. I mean I've even started carrying my knife around with me. When will enough be enough for me. When will the cut and blood be enough to satisfy my needs. Self injury is no longer a want for me, it has become a need, something I must do to fulfill this creature within.

erica

crying
Posted by *me* on Sun Mar 24 21:32:58 2002 (#1186)

Yesterday it was weird. I was home alone, and for like two hours (NOT exaggerating) I was just SOBBING. I couldn't stop, and it was like racking sobs, like I didn't even know I COULD cry that hard for that long. It was pretty weird.

Re: crying
Posted by diana on Mon Mar 25 06:25:46 2002 (#1188)

yeah thats not weird though because do you usually cry? because i normally don't cry and then some rare times i start crying to let it all out and i cry for an hour or more. hey its better then cutting, it lets all the pain n stress out that way and it doesn't leave one mark. i try to look on the bright side of things lol...

to *me* -hope this works n ur not blocked
Posted by diana on Mon Mar 25 06:20:27 2002 (#1187)

hey i hope ur not blocked again

I'm Not moving
Posted by Dawn on Mon Mar 25 15:46:16 2002 (#1189)

I just came from the mail box and there was a letter for the special
needs dept. of my health insurance. They want to get me the help I need.

Realistically I am not physically capable of packing, loading, or
driving that far. I rarely leave the house because getting out of bed or
even my chair is impossible for days.

Emotionally my life is like a roller coaster. The idea of having
friends and families who would support me was like a magical dream come
true. But I have to face reality. I have appointments for surgeons and
doctors and housing pasted to my kitchen cabinets and it makes me
crazy.

I don't want to be crazy or needy but both are true. But I've
changed my mind so many times lately it is clear that I am.

Re: I'm Not moving
Posted by Linda on Wed Apr 3 23:25:31 2002 (#1400)

Dawn, since I posted this message for you, every time I come here it calls me Dawn. :) I figured out that I have to post something in my own name before it will change it.

Diana!
Posted by *me* on Mon Mar 25 22:33:10 2002 (#1190)

Argh I'm still blocked from your post. Hmm...I guess you can C+P it via email if you want. Gurlie_gurl_10@yahoo. com
Or you could just post it at the other board. Whatever. I HATE PARENTAL CONTROLS! Bah. lol. Thanks for replying anyhow! I hope I eventually get to read what you said!

Problems with the old board?
Posted by *me* on Mon Mar 25 22:36:24 2002 (#1191)

Anyone else getting a thingy saying that access is forbidden? It's not like parental controls, it's some other weird thing that says something about access being forbidden.

Re: Problems with the old board?
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Mar 26 01:30:15 2002 (#1192)

Yeh!! I just tried to get on and got the same message. What's going on? Anyone know?
Take care.
Love, RHonda

Re: Problems with the old board?
Posted by Alana on Tue Mar 26 02:22:17 2002 (#1193)

I think Morten Wulff is taking it off...no need for it cuz this one is here now...even though I do like the other board better....owell.

Alana

Re: Problems with the old board?
Posted by diana on Tue Mar 26 04:51:51 2002 (#1194)

yeah thats some crazy bullshit.. every1 posted there and no1 really talks on this board. but maybe ppl might start talking more now on this one.

Re: Problems with the old board?
Posted by eleanor on Wed Mar 27 18:01:07 2002 (#1198)

hey. I used to post on the other board and now I can't get on. Shit, what am I gonna do???? That board was the only thing that kept me going, I had loads of friends on there. Sorry to go all crazy but I'm getting kinda desperate!

Re: Problems with the old board?
Posted by She on Wed Mar 27 19:55:43 2002 (#1199)

Argh
I just cum back from holle and i was looking forward to going on the old bord but i cant . Ohhh shit what am i gonna do i cant understand this bord.
N e one know when we can get on it??
ohh well see you all soon i hope
loads and loads a love
She**

just plain pathetic
Posted by silent_t on Tue Mar 26 06:54:51 2002 (#1195)

ive never done anything like this so oh well. i have been cutting/si for a long while now, and things are only gettin worse. i talk to a few people about it and today my friend had me hand over my blades and he threw them out. he tells me its that easy just throw them away. how do u make someone understand. i know cutting isnt the best thing in the world but sometimes it seems like the only thing i do have. im at school and i dont know anyone who activly cuts though im sure someone is out there, but i have no one who understands and when i talk too wont make me feel pathetic. what do you do if you told someone you si and now you wish you hadnt? i feel so stupid. oh well.
well see how this goes.
thanks
silent

Re: just plain pathetic
Posted by eleanor on Wed Mar 27 20:48:03 2002 (#1206)

Hey Sweetie. I've been cutting for a couple of years now. My best friend knows and one other person found out and they betrayed me to my teacher. As a result my parents found out. It's a nightmare when people find out and try to make you stop. Cutting is the one thing that keeps me alive, I don't want to die so I cut.

Most people don't understand, many others don't want to understand. But I just want you to know that I understand everything you're going through. If you want to talk you can email me or leave me a message on here.

Take care of youself honey! Love always, El x x

Re: just plain pathetic
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 23:46:28 2002 (#1226)

Hiya
I think it must b hard for people finding out someone they care about hurts themselfs.
My mother cut herself infront of me to show me how she felt.(it didnt work)
The only person i actualy told was my dealer and he betrade all my trust the stupid dick.
I love coming on thease boards cause someone usually understands you.
love and huggles
She

Re: just plain pathetic
Posted by scared aka donna on Fri Mar 29 15:25:14 2002 (#1238)

hi it must be hard for you right now. i wished id never poened my big mouth about my cutting but im glad i did now. people are trying their best to help me and i feel much better for it. i hope that by cummin on here it will help you in some way? its helped me infact its probably my only lifeline i dunno? i hope you cum bak and let us no how you are doin and remember im always here to talk xxx take care love donna xxx

Mind and Self...so different
Posted by kae on Tue Mar 26 12:16:04 2002 (#1196)

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm so confused, so lost.
Last week, our school counsellor sent me several emails, asking how I was, saying she was worried about me, how was the 'cutting' and to 'please please look after myself'. It hadn't been a good week and her emails helped a bit. I felt that she really did care, really did want to help and understand me. So I took a big risk and wrote a long, detailed email about how I've been feeling, the severity of my current self-inflicted injuries, and random stuff about what I think of myself. A day passed. She didn't reply. The weekend passed. Nothing. So I emailed her again, just to check that my email actually went through, and also asked her about the confidentiality in seeing a doctor about my injuries. She replied, saying that yes, she'd received my first mail. And that the doctor visit would remain confidential. And thats all. Nothing about all the personal stuff I told her, not even an acknowledgment of it.
I feel like a complete loser. She obviously didn't expect, or want, me to tell her all that shit...and now she must think I'm a total attention-seeker, pathetic, immature and not worth bothering about. She certainly doesn't think I need help. I feel so betrayed...last week she was so nice, so caring...and now its like she never said any of that.

I'm not even worth speaking to. I'm so pathetic, so insignificant...so wrapped up in what goes on in my mind that I can't see what the world really thinks. I'm lost within my own world, a world thats not even close to reality. I hate being me. I hate this Self I'm stuck with.

I don't want to die, I just want to kill my 'Self'. My Mind and my Self are two very different people. They will never merge; they will always clash, always hate each other.

One will kill the other one day. I don't know if a Self can live without a Mind, but I know that a Mind can't live without a Self.

And I know that my Mind and my Self cannot live together.

I'M SO SICK OF EVERYTHING.

kae

Re: Mind and Self...so different
Posted by eleanor on Wed Mar 27 20:43:13 2002 (#1205)

hey. You don't know me, I've only just come to this board but I hope to come here often now and to get to know people on here better.

Don't ever say that you are not worth caring about. You may feel that, but it is not true. I know how it feels to think that you're worthless, that nobody cares. I also know how it is to feel rejected and stupid. I know I've never spoken to you before, but I do care. I just wanted you to know that.

Please take care of yourself honey. Love always, El x

Re: Mind and Self...so different
Posted by scared aka donna on Wed Mar 27 22:31:35 2002 (#1208)

i can relate to what youve said kae. i dont know you so feel free to ignore me but ah well i thort id reply xxx

it must be really horrible for you to feel like that....to have your shrink not respond to your feelings. i no wot it feels like and it really gets you down doesnt it?? but the key is to remember that if u dont like her theres always some other shrink to try......but at least see wot she has to say bout it first though. i thort that mine dint believe me at all...bout all the crap i was saing...i got so paranoid it was unbearable but i gave her chance and realised she was there for me xxxx

Re: Mind and Self...so different
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 23:40:39 2002 (#1225)

its wierd how close you can get to shriks .Dont ever feel no one cares cause we do .
Loads and loads and loads of love
She

a fwd i got - REALLY good
Posted by *me* on Wed Mar 27 02:30:00 2002 (#1197)

Read it all the way through. I loved it. It's sort of religious so just beware if you're not into that. Not trying to offend anyone, just thought I'd share because it touched me.

>>> Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida. A little
>>>boy
>>>decided
>>> to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a
>>>hurry to
>>> dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving
>>>behind shoes,
>>> socks, and shirt as he went.
>>>
>>>
>>> He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the
>>>middle
>>>of
>>> the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His mother
>>>in the
>>> house was looking out the window saw the two as they got closer
>>>and
>>>closer
>>> together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to
>>>her
>>> son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy
>>>became
>>> alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too
>>>late. Just as
>>> he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the
>>>mother
>>> grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator
>>>snatched his
>>> legs.
>>>
>>> That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The
>>>alligator was
>>> much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too
>>>passionate to
>>> let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced
>>>from his
>>> truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks
>>>and weeks
>>>
>>> in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were
>>>extremely scarred
>>> by the vicious attack of the animal, and, on his arms, were deep
>>>scratches
>>> where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort
>>>to hang
>>>on
>>> to the son she loved.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma,
>>>asked if
>>> he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And
>>>then, with
>>> obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I
>>>have
>>>great
>>> scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let
>>>go."
>>>
>>> You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too.
>>>No, not
>>> from an alligator, or anything quite so dramatic. But the scars
>>>of a
>>> painful past, Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused
>>>us deep
>>> regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused
>>>to let
>>> go.
>>>
>>>
>>> In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to
>>>you. The
>>> Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God.
>>>God wants
>>>to
>>> protect you and provide for you in every way.
>>> But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous
>>> situations. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril and
>>>we forget
>>> that the enemy is waiting to attack.
>>>
>>> That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of
>>>God's
>>> love on your arms be very, very grateful. God did not and will
>>>not - let
>>> you go.
>>>
>>>
>>> Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so
>>>that you
>>> can be a blessing to
>>> others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life
>>>and what
>>> they are going through. That is why it is so important that we
>>>are not
>>> selfish to receive the blessings of these messages without
>>>forwarding
>>>them
>>> to someone else.

Re: a fwd i got - REALLY good
Posted by Maggie on Sat Mar 30 06:29:12 2002 (#1254)

That's a really nice way to look at things.
Thanks for sharing it with us.

Maggie.

Re: a fwd i got - REALLY good
Posted by liverpoolfc on Thu Apr 4 01:06:52 2002 (#1409)

That was a very inspirational story. Thank you for sharing. The only difference between me and the little boy is his mom wouldn't let go and mine wouldn't hold on.

Re: a fwd i got - REALLY good
Posted by She on Thu Apr 4 12:14:44 2002 (#1424)

That was really nice
thanx for shaering it
She~She

from the old board
Posted by Crimson Fire on Wed Mar 27 20:12:13 2002 (#1200)

hi everyone...ive been posting on the old board for a while now and that board really kept me going, i felt like i really knew the people like they were my friends that were always there whenever i needed them. and since i guess that board is gone now, id really like it if we got to know a little about everyone on here too. i know people who have been here a while probably know lots about everyone, but for people who are just coming on here that would be nice. my name is beka, im 16, ive been cutting for a little over a year now, ive seen like a zillion psychiatrists, im on celexa for depression,and i might be going to a group soon but i dont really want to. i love trying to help people out if they need someone to talk to and im always here to just chat if someone needs to keep themselve busy or theyre just bored...so IM me anytime (KoFFeyBeaN) or email me. luv always!!!

Re: from the old board
Posted by scared aka donna on Wed Mar 27 20:17:43 2002 (#1202)

hey crimson fire!! i have spoken to you before on the other board has it gone for good then?? i havent bin around for a while so how are you?? do you no how every1 else is doin 2?? love always donna

Re: from the old board
Posted by eleanor on Wed Mar 27 20:33:00 2002 (#1203)

Hey sweetie! Just thought I'd say hi. I hope quite a few people from the old board come now, I'd miss you all so much if you didn't!
Anyway, for those who don't know me I'm Eleanor. I'm 17 years old and come from Derbyshire in England. I've been cutting for about 2 years now ( it's hard to keep count, feels like a lifetime!) and I'm on anti-depressants, can't remember what they're called.
Anyone who wants is welcome to email me. Speak to you all soon, love always, El x x

Re: from the old board
Posted by Erin on Wed Mar 27 21:47:26 2002 (#1207)

welcome beka :) arent you glad I told you about this one? lol

Re: from the old board
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 15:28:34 2002 (#1215)

Hiya everyone
I cant belive the old board is gone .
Its soo sad. But its really nice to see some fimiliar names here i hope more people come on this bord
Love you all
She**

cut cut cut
Posted by scared aka donna on Wed Mar 27 20:15:22 2002 (#1201)

mum and dad cort me owt on the other board so i dint go on it cant get on it now anyway....summet bout access forbiden...i dunno. i feel really strnage today......th familys being so nice but i still cant help feeling guilty for all their guilt. i hate myself so much and i need to cut all the time, like all the time..........i hate myself sooo much. a couple of weeks ago i was all ready for ending my life but i do feel diffrently bout that....i dont want to die.......i want to survive and fight tis big long batle and if that means to do so i have to cut then so be it xxx

Re: cut cut cut
Posted by eleanor on Wed Mar 27 20:36:31 2002 (#1204)

Hey sweetie! It's so good to hear from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad that you've decided you want to keep fighting. You are such a special person and you deserve a long, happy life! I hope lots of people from the old board come here now. The old one's been shut I think which is shit! Have you spoke to She???
I've missed you so much!!

Take care of yourself darlin'! Speak to you soon! Love n stuff, El x x x

Re: cut cut cut
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 15:24:02 2002 (#1214)

You go girl im really glad you want to fight.
Its lovley to see a few familier names on here huh i was soooooo happy where i was your names it brought a tear to my eye (im all emotinal at the moment lol).
Keep safe
Love you both loads and loads nd loads and loads and loads,
She**

Re: cut cut cut
Posted by Tara's Mom on Fri Mar 29 00:24:16 2002 (#1229)

Hey honey,
You just do whatever you need to do to stay alive
and with all of us. It is a long hard fight to do
that. Just know that I'm always here for you any
time you want to talk. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by diana on Thu Mar 28 05:48:19 2002 (#1209)

i was so freakin drunk tonight, and i always do things i regret but today i had sex for my 1st time (besides the time i was 10-11 and got raped).. if he used a condom, i won't get pregnant right?

Re: ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by scared aka donna on Thu Mar 28 12:24:04 2002 (#1211)

no if he used a condom you wont get pregnant so dont worry. im still a virgin, i just have no interest in sex at the moment.....pretty strange i know and im 17 years old!!
take care love donna xxx

Re: ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by eleanor on Thu Mar 28 18:33:57 2002 (#1217)

I'm still a virgin too and I'm 17 so it's not that weird hun! lol! Diana though, you shouldn't get pregnant using a condom unless it split. If you think there's ANY chance of that then it's always best to use the morning after pill as well if you can. Take care. x

Re: ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by diana on Thu Mar 28 20:07:47 2002 (#1222)

thanks guys, but the thing is, i didn't even wanna have sex. n it was also my good friends ex of a year, so im gonna hear it. i wish i could turn back time...

Re: ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 23:37:45 2002 (#1224)

HIya
Urmm your not supposed to be able to get pregnent with comdomns but there can be kinda tepremental.I was shitting myself first few times about being pregnent ect but just enjoy it be safe and its magical.
Loads of love
She**

Re: ok 1st time having sex.....
Posted by Tara's Mom on Fri Mar 29 00:29:16 2002 (#1230)

The odds are against it, but it could still happen if there is a split or tear in it. BE CAREFUL HONEY! Since I'm a mom, you probably know
my feelings on this issue (don't do it!), but I
also know that I can't stop anyone from doing what
they want to do. Take care of yourself.
Love, RHonda

Best Therapist was dropped
Posted by Dawn on Thu Mar 28 10:28:31 2002 (#1210)

It was one thing to be the one in control of leaving her and moving to Ok, but then she called to tell me that because she moved from her old clinic the big wigs took her license to counsel people on medical assistance.. Now I have to go to county mental health.

The good thing is I'm not as mixed up as I used to be so maybe they will see the good side and not see the bad. And I can put on a good front for a while. but I can't keep it up for long. That will be pretty hard I feel abandonded, rechared I hate the mental hospital.

It feels like they've tied my hands and I cannot cut or they will put me inside for who know how long. Falling asleep better go. love you all. Dawn

Re: Best Therapist was dropped
Posted by eleanor on Thu Mar 28 18:35:40 2002 (#1218)

It must be hard for you, but I know you can stay strong. take care of yourself, all my love, Eleanor x

Re: Best Therapist was dropped
Posted by pink girl on Thu Mar 28 19:15:12 2002 (#1220)

hiya dawn
sorry to hear bout stuff not going to well with your therapist and stuff.
im here if you need to talk or owt
take care
love sarah xxx

Re: Best Therapist was dropped
Posted by Tara's Mom on Fri Mar 29 00:33:00 2002 (#1231)

Sorry about your therapist my dear friend. Hopefully you'll be able to get some good help
elsewhere.Oh, by the way, don't buy anymore books!
You'll spoil my surprise come July!!!!!!! Take care of yourself and I'll write later when I get to my mom's computer. I'm at my local library
right now waiting for my daughter's algerbra tutor
to show up and help her. That stuff is way over my
head!!!!! Hope you feel better soon.
Love ya always, Rhonda

hey
Posted by lynnibear on Fri Mar 29 19:41:41 2002 (#1245)

hey, this is lynn,
i wanted to ask if you were in a mental hospital now? i used to be in one, and it felt the same way.......it was hell, but u find things to use, and people pass them around too. i made lots of friends, and im gonna call them today, i just missed the phone time so im feelin kinda guilty...neways. if you can, there is this book called cut by patricia mccormick, and its about a girl named callie in a mental hospital.. i read it it was okay, i would reccommend it.
just wanted to respond i guess.
you dont have to write back
-just lynn

memories......my babble for those that dont no me!
Posted by scared aka donna on Thu Mar 28 14:39:24 2002 (#1212)

as i fly over the grassy hills with my wings spread and my body shadowed from the sunlight, i marvell at the beauty of the land beneath me, the children laughing, playing merrily without a care in the world, the icecream van playing its dreadfull tune followed by mums and dads forced out into the beyond to buy the cold creamy substance that brings happiness to their offspring. as i look down on this my facial expressions are increasingly complex and i realise what exactly i have missed, the chance of a happy chldhood, the chance to fly over my vilage and reminis on the memories that i keep forever in my heart. those memories i will never forget, those memories i will never be able to share.

Re: memories......my babble for those that dont no
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 15:15:53 2002 (#1213)

That was lovley sweett
Keep in touch yeah
Love you loads and loads
She

Re: memories......my babble for those that dont no
Posted by eleanor on Thu Mar 28 18:39:58 2002 (#1219)

Hey sweetie pie! lol! that was beautiful hun, but you know how I feel about you're writing talent already! Thanks for you're email. Yeah, She did tell me. Hope you're ok! I'm having a hard time with my mum at the moment. Her depression's back and she's drinking heavily etc. I think she might be suicidal again. i'm not too good in myself at the moment, but speaking to you and She again has helped loads!
Love you both loads and loads!!!!!!! Keep in touch! El x x x

cheating boyfriend
Posted by gnimia on Thu Mar 28 17:55:47 2002 (#1216)

SInce i last posted ive been quite busy. managed to get all my essays in before the end of term, and then went to Brighton on rugby tour which was fun.

but before all that i found out that my boyfriend of 1yr plus has been cheating on me for 4 months. its apparently over now tho i dont intend going back to him, but the thing i actualy find really hard to deal with is that the girl that he was fucking, i gave my phone number cos she was suicidal and harming, and i offered to help in any way i could. he knew that she was not well and he still took advantage which makes me think he was doing the same to me. also they knew i was fragile still and cutting apparently the reason i wasnt told before now. but now i know and im not coping very well

my friends and family all know and are being very helpful but i cant help but feel that they are only watching to see if i start hurting myself again (its been about a month as far as they are concerned) its so hard to eal with. im hurting so much but i cant admit it out loud.
thanks
take care all
gnimia

Re: cheating boyfriend
Posted by scared aka donna on Thu Mar 28 19:44:25 2002 (#1221)

i know its hard when you are aware of your family and what they think and notice. it makes it so much harder to think straight for me anyways. i just find that coming on here helps me loads....well originally from old board but still the same thing. i hope that it helps you to vent too....i dunno if youve bin here long but i think it helps i hope that you are ok and start to feel a litle better soon....and as for your boyfriend......fuck him (no pun intended.....meaning fuck in the piss off sense!)
take care love donna xxx

Re: cheating boyfriend
Posted by Erin on Thu Mar 28 21:30:54 2002 (#1223)

I'm sorry to hear about your ex bf... my best friends bf was being a real dick. he cheated on her with 4 girls. hell...he cheated on all of them actually. some guys are such assholes... I'm sorry you had to deal with one

Re: cheating boyfriend
Posted by She on Thu Mar 28 23:52:06 2002 (#1227)

My good theres something wrong with him hes not just cheating on the 4 girls & yourself but hes cheating himself to.
I hope things start to get a bitt better
Stay safe
Loads of love
She

Re: cheating boyfriend
Posted by Erin on Fri Mar 29 01:58:52 2002 (#1233)

its not me... it was my best friend

Other board news
Posted by She on Fri Mar 29 00:00:27 2002 (#1228)

Im not sure what going on with the other board but ive just got in touch with the people who kinda umm own it so hopefully i will get a reaply soon.Ill keep you in touch .Both the boards are off line (suiside and selfharm) im kinda hoping there just updating them . I miss oit loads.
Love you all
She**