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Threads 301 to 325

Have you ever...
Posted by Star (amz ) on Fri Mar 1 10:44:34 2002 (#1064)

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look in their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get in your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Coz baby I can't sleep

This song has always seemed to beautiful and trues, shit its so much more true now..i love you *jes* im so sorry, feels like i lost ya, i probably have. i love you Amz x

Best friend...more songs sorry:)
Posted by Star (amz ) on Fri Mar 1 10:46:23 2002 (#1065)

Best Friend

Whenever I'm down
I call on you my friend
A helping hand you lend
In my time of need
So I'm
I'm calling you now
Just to make it good
What else can I do
For you hear my plea

Friends may come and friends may go
But you should know that
That I've got your back
It's automatic
So never hesitate to call
Cause I'm your sister
And always for you
In love

I don't know what I'd ever do without you
From the beginning to the end
You've always been here right beside me
So I'll call you my best friend
Through the good times and the bad ones
Whether I lose or if I win
I know one thing that never changes
And that's you as my best friend

Whenever I'm down
With all that's going on
Is really going on
Just one of those days
And you
Say the right things
To keep me moving on
To keep me going strong
What else can I say?

Friends are there through thick and thin
And I've been told that
And I believe that
It's automatic
Call me when you need a friend
Cause I'm your sister
And always know that
I don't know

I'll be there for you
When you're going through
Things that you need me
You're close to me
My friend
You can count on me
Call me when you need me
Or can't take it anymore,

Cause I don't know what I'd ever do without you
From the beginning to the end
You've always been here right beside me
So I'll call you my best friend
Through the good times and the bad ones
Whether I lose or if I win
I know one thing that never changes
And that's you as my best friend

hi
Posted by mego on Sun Mar 3 20:03:36 2002 (#1066)

hey, i talked to a lot of you on the other message board. there are a lot of new people there, and i miss you guys a lot. is it alright if i post here sometimes too? some of the new people just kind of irratate me, i can't really explain it. there are just too many people who post looking for help, which is fine, but they never try to help anyone else out. i don't know if any of you have been there and noticed or not, maybe its just me. so anyway, i just wanted to make sure that none of you minded if i posted here.

mego

now my only consolation is that this could not last forever~Incubus

Re: hi
Posted by Nuni on Sun Mar 3 21:25:24 2002 (#1067)

Hi,
This board was actually meant to replace the old psyke board, you are in the right place. I hope you are doing alright. Remember you are loved!!
hugs,
Nuni

Re: mego...
Posted by diana on Mon Mar 4 03:34:19 2002 (#1068)

ive been around that board for a while, just i never really posted. so i hope u don't think im iratating or nething because i never post responces or help ppl out...i duno why im posting this, just makin more of an ass outta myself

Re: mego...
Posted by Nuni on Mon Mar 4 07:56:50 2002 (#1069)

Hi Diana, why do you think you are making an ass out of yourself. You visit and dont post. You are one of many. I use to post a lot too. Its alright! I read and respond to those I think I can help, or those that may care. DO you SI?

to nuni now...
Posted by diana on Mon Mar 4 21:22:01 2002 (#1072)

yes i do SI.. have been for almost 3 years but i haven't in about 3 weeks.

Re: to nuni now...
Posted by Nuni on Tue Mar 5 03:14:16 2002 (#1077)

Yeah, I have been a cutter forever. But I haven't in a while. I hope you keep working on yourself. Take care,
Nuni

Re: hi
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Mar 5 01:30:29 2002 (#1074)

Hey mego,
You bet, post away. Seems like everyone has drifted back over to the old board and no one
posts here much anymore, but I always check it
anyway. You're right, there are so many new people
on the other place. It's actually kind of scary
to me. I guess I am just used to the ones I know
from before and am worried that so many others
are croping up. Oh well, they need help also.
Talk to ya later, mego. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

why do people hate themselves?
Posted by kae on Mon Mar 4 09:53:44 2002 (#1070)

I was just talking to my friend. She's this great girl, smart, heaps of potential, pretty, popular, AND shes the head girl of our school. But, like me, she self-harms. She assures me shes 'not as bad as me', and she only cuts her hips. Her boyfriend can't understand it at all, and gets really upset. Nobody else knows about her, not even her closest friends.

Why do people, even those who succeed and are loved, hate themselves? People are constantly telling me I shouldn't hate myself, that I'm successful, beautiful, smart, etc. I don't believe those things. People lie all the time...I've learned that the hard way.

And besides, it wasn't until I started self-harming that people starting telling me nice things and caring about me. They noticed me...cared for my feelings...treated me like someone special.

I want to help my friend, but I can't help without being hypercritical. I mean, I can't tell her to go to a counsellor when I won't go myself. I can't tell her to stop, or that its wrong.

I guess that all I can do is listen and treat her right...not that it'll stop her cutting. I don't know what will stop her, but then...I don't know what will stop me, either.

Any advice, guys? Not a lot of point in posting here anymore, nobody seems to use it. The other board is a shambles; too many people, as mego said.

Anyway, its worth getting out.
luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: why do people hate themselves?
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Mar 4 16:01:07 2002 (#1071)

Hi, i read you post and really felt for you, it must be real difficult i think that if you carry on the way you are talking to her and listenin it will b helpin even if you feel that you could do more, im sorry i cabnt be off much more help but i cant even help my friend as she still cuts etc so i know im not much help.

Also the hating herself is something i think many people who are *liked* etc still feel this way althoug ive never been a *popular* person so i guess i wouldnt know, i dont understand why people hate themselves but i guess it depends on how they are and thier feelings. i will stop my rambeling and leave u in peace.
take care amz x

Re: why do people hate themselves?
Posted by diana on Mon Mar 4 21:27:48 2002 (#1073)

i have the same problem as u... my friend who is the same way is cutting too and i can't do anything about it because im exactly like her. we r in the so called 'popular' group(don't think im conceited please) and noone knows about us. but i really look out for the girl, and i care about people more then myself. but honestly, all u can do really is listen and offer her some advice and maybe try seeing if she would want a therapist. n if she doesn't wanna see one, then at least u asked n that will show that you care about her...hm, maybe tell her about this board n to let her read the posts and maybe she can relate to some extent. i duno, just trying to help..

Re: why do people hate themselves?
Posted by kae on Tue Mar 5 09:43:31 2002 (#1078)

thanks guys...that helped some.

:) luv 'n hugz, kae

its driving me INSANE
Posted by mego on Tue Mar 5 02:46:09 2002 (#1075)

hey everyone. i dont even know what to say right now. just kinda having a weird day. no, maybe not a weird day, but a really weird feeling. i have a headache and i'm confused right now. i dont even really know what i'm confused about. i cut earlier, after i got out of the shower and saw all my fat and scars in the mirror. yeah, that makes sense. i saw my scars, decided they were ugly, so i cut myself some more. i'm a moron. shit... i'm so sick of all this shit. i'm not really angry about anything, just a little sad, but i'm not happy or tired or awake. my mind keeps playing little tricks on me. out of the corner of my eye i'll think i see something move or i'll hear something behind me, but nothing is there. i'll start to answer someone and they'll be like "i didnt say anything". i keep trying to pay attention but i cant do it. i spent 20 minutes looking for my contact case and the whole time i was carrying it around with me. just keep drifting off into my own little world. i forgot what i did for half of today, i can't remember this morning. and i wasnt drinking or taking anything or smoking anything. i'm completely straight, have been since saturday, so it cant be any of that. does anyone know what the hell is going on?? i've gotten enough sleep, i've been eating enough. and how do i make this shit stop because its driving me crazy.

mego

now my only consolation is that this could not last forever~Incubus

Re: its driving me INSANE
Posted by diana on Tue Mar 5 03:07:49 2002 (#1076)

hey, the same thing is going on with me. where i lose consintration easily and i go into my own zone that no1 else is in. its my own little world there where i think about nothing. im just blank. but i do like the same things as u, where i couldn't find my glasses n the whole time there were on my head, i couldn't find my purse n it was on my shoulder.. shit like that. anyways, this is caused from depression and tramatizing events that happened earlier in my life. so i was put on medication. maybe you should try it.. its called "welbutrin" or something like that. hope i helped, but i probably didn't-diana

Nothing really...
Posted by Star (amz ) on Tue Mar 5 11:43:37 2002 (#1079)

Hi dunno what this post was really gonna b about more just somewhere to talk and clear my head (bet ur all so bored with this by now) i miss jes she thinks im avoiding her, what can i say? im really tryin to be there but im so bust last week i had one eveing to myself and that was it school, revision and plays are taking there toll i feel half dead most the time, how do you explain that? also i wanna develop this new found *sexuality* with my b/f as we slept together for the for the first time 2 weeks ago but havent since? its all so confusing.
Sorry for the ranting,. Thanks for listening
Amz x

Re: Nothing really...
Posted by jes on Wed Mar 6 23:16:00 2002 (#1087)

Hey, ok, I don't think ur avoiding me, what i said the other day about trying to phone you wasn't meant lik that, it's just that i had been trying to phone you all wekk and i found it a little amusing that the one night you wre in, i wasn't at home to phone you, i didn't mean to sound pissed off or owt like that. sry :-)
love xxx

Re: Nothing really...
Posted by Star (amz ) on Thu Mar 7 13:20:27 2002 (#1089)

oh! sorry it just sounded like u were diggin at me about it. sorry im a lil stressed at the oment if you havent noticed lol it must b with jez forcin me to have sex! not! ask barry! lol. Amzx

hey
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 5 19:08:24 2002 (#1080)

Hey, i used to post on the ratatosk site about six months ago, maybe longer. i left for a while cos i thought things were getting better, and i was a bit fed up of having certain opinions forced on me. but anyway. things are going downhill a bit again.
saw a new pyschiatrist last week, second visit, half an hour she told me there is nothing she can do for me. she wont change my meds, refer me to therapy, she even said there is absolutely no point in me going back t see her. which obviously made me feel great
anyway. since i quit last year ive been doing well, tho i dont regret going back to it.
Hows everyone else tho? Anyone remember me?

Gnimia xx

Re: hey
Posted by erica on Tue Mar 5 20:02:23 2002 (#1081)

That is total bullschit. I would go to a new psychiatrist. There must be something they could do. I mean, if you went to therapy you would have a safe place to vent, and that might even help reduce your cutting. From what you said, I think that doc is a quack.

Erica

Re: hey
Posted by Rhonda on Wed Mar 6 03:13:15 2002 (#1085)

I don't remember you, but I'll give you my advice
on the new doctor. Get a new one!! HOw can she sit
there and say she can't help you. To me, that is
just plain dumb! I'll stop now before I get
carried away. I hope you find someone who will
help you cause they are out there. Take care of
yourself.
Love, Rhonda

my parents
Posted by cindy on Tue Mar 5 20:08:20 2002 (#1082)

I wa slooking through some photos yesterday and I came across some of my mum and dad when they were newly weds and it upset me so much. my mum was such a beautiful lady-so much more than I wil ever be-she's only about a year or two older than me in the photos and she look so happy but I know how the story ends and it made me so unhappy-blah blah divorce adultery etc etc. it just seems like wht is the point? she would have done anything for my dad-he didn't deserve her-she was and still is such a beautiful creature and all he did was fuckher over. I hate the thought that he is part of me-a whole fucking half-makes me feel sick. he once had the nerve to say all my bad points I ahd inherited from my mother-I see it the other way around-everything abd about me is his fucking fault and yet I cant say that to him. I hate him and all he does is go on about how much he misses my smile. he's not allowed to-I never smile for him-any smiles he sees are accidental. I hate him. fuck. well anyways I've finished digging up my past. oh and I ws rejected my two universities this weekend- no matter how good I looked on paper with striaght A predictions they still managed to see through all that to the true rotted being that I am-that sucks. the ever-cheerful cindy. take care. xox

confidentiality
Posted by erica on Tue Mar 5 20:20:10 2002 (#1083)

O.K, so the thing is that my doctors office called today. Not my psych, my general. He wants me to come in and see him. I haven't been in since early december. Here's the thing. On sunday I talked to my bishop, who happens to be his father. I told my bishop, i.e. my priest/pastor/minister, that letely if I'm not eating I'm cutting, and if I'm not cutting I'm starving myself. I've also tried purging, but I'm having a really hard time doing that. He thought I should go see my doctor, his son, about what was happening. As well as that I was abused as a child. I was like, there is no way in hell that I am going to tell my doctor that. I mean it was hard enough telling my psychiatrist. The good thing is that my bishop is going to call Lethbridge Family services and see whats happening with getting me a counsellor, and if that doesnt work he'll get me in with my old counsellor.
Well anyway the next day my doctor called my parents for my new number, and today they called me at my place. My doctor, whos my bishops son, wants to see me. I don't really want to go, but I will anyways, I mean he did help save my life on my last overdose. But there is no way I want to tell him that I'm cutting and starving myself. This time it's secret. Well what I'm wondering is if my bishop broke confidentiality and told. If he did I don't think I can trust him again. He already broke doctor-patient privelege once.
I don't know, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. I don't even know if I will tell my psychiatrist about whats happening.

Erica

Re: confidentiality
Posted by gnimia@hotmail.com on Wed Mar 6 11:07:53 2002 (#1086)

Hey, thanks for your reply.
the thing is people in positionsa of power ar e;legally allowed to break doctor-patient, or even religious person-patient confidentialty if they think there is a chance that you will hurt yourself or someone else. they obviously dont understand your choices for hurting yourself, that its better than the alternative(?), otherwise they would try and help in different ways
trust is hard to come by, but i would go and see this doc, sounds like they do have youre best interests at heart, even if they are a bit misguided.
Hope it helps

"Dont let the Buggers get you down"

Being beaten by my own mind?
Posted by Amanda on Tue Mar 5 22:16:54 2002 (#1084)

ok so heres how it is...im 15, i have to go to the police station tomorrow coz i got caught shoplifting, and when the police searched my bag they found some cannabis. so they had to tell my mum, she went a bit mental at me but we talked it through. the thing is i dont want tomorrow to happen. i have 3 exams, then i have to go and find out if im going to go to court or not. i wqas told that i proberbly wont, i'll proberbly just get a repremand(warning). but i cant deal with this. im so worried about my exams and im getting paranoid...i keep thinking that my b/f is cheating on me. he swears that hes not, but i have so little self confidence thatim convinced that im not good enough for him. when im with him its ok, he makes me feel so loved, and any doubts i ever had about him dissapear. but when im away from him, trapped by my own mind...all i can think about is him with some other bitch. im going to see him at the weekend...thats the only thing keeping me going at the moment. i havnt cut for over a month, instead i cant stop hitting the walls or scratching myself with my nails. all i want is for my mind to leave me alone. i want it all to go away and leave me alone. i cant cope with this i hate living this way. i would do anything to stop this. i have no control over anything. why wont it stop?

Amanda

.....i really hate subject lines.....
Posted by *me* on Thu Mar 7 01:32:10 2002 (#1088)

Ok, so you know how a lot of people joke around and say like, "shoot me now" or "i want to die." Well lately I've been saying that like ALL the time. And I NEVER used to say it. I've been really depressed lately, but I just CAN'T stop saying stuff like that. It's starting to annoy me because I just hear it coming out of my mouth. It's so weird. I haven't even really thought about offing myself lately. I don't know. This is sort of random, I don't even know what I'm asking, but it's just so...I don't know. Weird.

sorry guys..
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Thu Mar 7 17:11:33 2002 (#1090)

Hi guys,
Im sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been kinda busy, well.. things actually seem to be going well for a change, if you remember a while back I posted about the guy that I wasn't sure about.. and thought he'd fuck me about etc etc.. well.. I am with him now and things are going great.. so well infact that I havent had chance to come on here! So we have been seeing alot of each other lately :)
Still in the ritalin and antiD's, but hopefully that will change, this happiness seems too good to be real, Im just waiting for it all to die now, as it always does.
Take care all..
Love Roses and Empathy
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by pink girl on Thu Mar 7 21:47:45 2002 (#1091)

hiya
just wanted to say its great that ur good now.
im happy for u :o)
take care and keep on enjoying life
love 'n' hugs
sarah
xxx

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 8 02:20:06 2002 (#1092)

I happy that things are going okay for you now.
I'll say a prayer and hope they stay that way.
You deserve to be happy and I hope you continue
to be. Take care honey.
LOve, RHonda

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Fri Mar 8 14:45:17 2002 (#1093)

thanks guys :)
hope you are all ok!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by Erin on Sat Mar 9 02:05:37 2002 (#1094)

that almost sounded like a poem. lol

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Sat Mar 9 18:14:16 2002 (#1100)

hehe I see what you mean now I thought you were refering to what I origanianly wrote arrgh bad spelling sorry Im drnk lol

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Sat Mar 9 14:34:33 2002 (#1098)

hehe a poem?

Re: sorry guys..
Posted by Erin on Sat Mar 9 15:56:06 2002 (#1099)

yeah. what rhonda said kind of seemed like one. lol I dunno.. maybe its just me lol

who cares
Posted by Erin on Sat Mar 9 02:07:48 2002 (#1095)

things havent been better at all since I told my parents. everything is just going down a huge shithole. and its getting worse. *sighs* I'm still cutting. I just put a few gashes in my arm a little bit ago. I feel better but...just feel abandoned. I dont care if i stop cutting or not. whats the point..

Re: who cares
Posted by pink girl on Sat Mar 9 02:15:11 2002 (#1096)

i know exactally how u feel, but there are poeple on this bored who are gonna be there for you.
please dont loose hope and feel abandoned. i'll always listen anytime you want to mail.
take care
love sarah xx

Re: who cares
Posted by Nuni on Sat Mar 9 06:43:22 2002 (#1097)

Erin, Pink girl is right. You will never be alone in your pain. I was a long time cutter. I dont cut anymore I will never forget the pain, it isn't always through Self injury, the emotional. Take it easy on yourself. Write if you like.
Love and Hugs,
Bruna

Re: who cares
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Mar 10 20:38:14 2002 (#1103)

Hey Erin,
I'll always be here for you when you want to
talk. I'm sorry you're still having problems
with your parents. Please don't feel alone, cause
you have lots of friends here. Take care sweetie.
Love,Rhonda

why does everything always wind up f*cked up
Posted by *me* on Sun Mar 10 19:30:45 2002 (#1101)

I'm getting so sick of being here..in my house, in my body, in my mind...everything is so screwed up. I'm feeling very pressured lately...been cutting a lot more frequently. Argh. I feel like my mother wants to control every single thing I do. There's this one song by Staind, and part of it goes, "Did daddy not love you? Or did he love you just too much? Did he control you? Did he live through you at your cost? Did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?" And I feel like that, except it's my mom. She makes me just want to slice up myself until my whole body looks like chopped meat. And I've been thinking lately, do I really ever want "help?" And for now I've decided no. Because cutting is the one thing in this world that's MINE. She can't control it. I'm the one in charge of it. Even though it's an addiction, and I'm really NOT in control, bc I couldn't stop if I wanted to, it's still MINE. It's something I started, something I do, MY secret. I'm so confused right now, and so damn overwhelmed. And I'm miffed bc the old board is gone beserk with new people, it's the craziest thing I've seen here and I've been here 11 months (11 months today, actually), and I'm usually blocked from this board. So, if no one sees me for a while, I'm still here, just not able to access the board. Not like anyone cares, but yeah.

Re: why does everything always wind up f*cked up
Posted by Nuni on Sun Mar 10 19:43:25 2002 (#1102)

WOW! You sound like you are going through a lot. Please take care. I don't visit the old board either. I think it is why this one was developed too. Keep coming back!
Huge HUGS!
Nuni

Re: why does everything always wind up f*cked up
Posted by pink girl on Sun Mar 10 20:42:32 2002 (#1104)

take care
i do care what you are going thru and please talk to me if you want/need to.
look after yourself darling
love sarah xxx

Re: why does everything always wind up f*cked up
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Mar 10 21:59:26 2002 (#1105)

I care. I always will. If you want to talk, just
email me. Sorry about your home life. This is
for you:
((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))
Wish it was a real bear hug, but I hope this
works for you. Take care honey, you know I care
about you.
Love ya,
Rhonda

long nights and lazy days
Posted by Phil on Mon Mar 11 02:06:55 2002 (#1106)

Hi everyone,
Im really finding life good at the moment, I have no money and so far no prospects for the future but Im feeling good. I find it really hard to get to sleep at night so if any of you have IM then please add me if you want to chat, Im here to listen as well as talk so please dont be shy :) kerbain@hotmail.com
Thanks, phil. x

Re: long nights and lazy days
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Mar 11 11:46:25 2002 (#1108)

hI pHIL, havent spoken in ages thought id just say hi!, glad u and Jo are happy :).
Love Amz x

Re: long nights and lazy days
Posted by Phil on Mon Mar 11 18:06:15 2002 (#1112)

hay up! Your right it must be weeks!!! Are you and jez ok? hope your havin fun :) s c soon i hope, phil x

Re: long nights and lazy days
Posted by Star (amz ) on Tue Mar 12 11:41:29 2002 (#1121)

Hi!:),Yeah were fine, its been a month back together on friday!:) how fast was that? lol, But yeah were doing good, How are you and Jo? i hope your doing well too:).
Hows life in general? mines hectic but good.
Hope to maybe see you soon?
Take care
Love Amz xx

I miss you Nuni!
Posted by Maggie on Mon Mar 11 05:24:14 2002 (#1107)

Sending you the biggest hugs in the world!

Luv your Pescarito.

Re: I miss you Nuni!
Posted by Nuni on Mon Mar 11 18:14:58 2002 (#1113)

I Miss You too!!! Huge HUGAS!!! Love,
Nuni

YOU stoopid
Posted by bacardi on Mon Mar 11 14:36:30 2002 (#1109)

stop stabbin yourselfs

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Mon Mar 11 17:24:49 2002 (#1111)

stop being so shallow minded and dont attempt to tell others to stop doing something that is an addiction and needed. Maybe you should read up on self injury or find someone to explain to you, first hand what its about before you start to pretend you know all about it, when quite obviously you know nothing. Go away and dont come back unless you have something useful to say.
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 11 22:06:10 2002 (#1116)

cutting is not needed...its quite the opposite.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Tue Mar 12 19:12:35 2002 (#1124)

Alana... that may be your opinion but dont try to tell me mine thanks.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Tue Mar 12 21:22:04 2002 (#1129)

HAHAHAH! Cutting is not needed, its all in our minds...needing something is a necessity...people in Afghanistan are starving and NEED food to survive. We need cutting to feel comfortable. Its a want, not a need. I wasn't being rude at all in my last post, just stating what's true - immature people like you take it personally.

You'll eventually realize that you don't need cutting, and until then good luck with everything.

Alana

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Wed Mar 13 14:54:23 2002 (#1138)

Alana, dont ever call me immature again, you are the one trying to tell my my own opinion.. I NEED to cut to feel better.. maybe it is not compulsary to cut but I NEED to in my mind, you have your opinions and reasons for cutting, I have mine. Do not try to tell me that my own reasons are wrong.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Wed Mar 13 18:11:38 2002 (#1139)

Holy crap..when did I force opinions on you? You can think whatever the hell you want, I don't care, NEEDING cutting will just get you into trouble, that's all I was trying to say. Sorry if it didn't come out that way.

Oh well, it's useless trying to help out.

Fuck that, screw you.

Alana

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by jadeine on Thu Mar 14 20:33:14 2002 (#1142)

temper temper alana crims is right, stop assuming that you know everything about everyone elses issues cause you obviously dont, no one does, what makes you think you are so superior? then when someone tells you otherwise you go off in a huff, and have a paddy like a spolit little 3 year old.
shut up you child.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Thu Mar 14 21:55:49 2002 (#1146)

Hahaha, the people on this board make me laugh so hard. Why do you all assume that I'm always angry? I'm not in the least. Why is it that you can all have your opinions but the second I say something you all take as a personal attack. This board is such shit...shit in a funny way. It's not like it use to be.
Bunch of sensitive freaks. Get over it. It's an opinion, what does it matter? Absolutely nothing.

All that lovey dovey mushy crap, Alana

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by jadeine on Sun Mar 17 18:08:13 2002 (#1161)

if you had any mind at all then you wouldnt feel the need to tell others what their reasons are... Crims is right and Im sure everyone else here agrees that she is entitled to her opinion as are you.. but no one has the right to tell anyone else, that their opinion is wrong.. so yes.. I would say it was a personal attack about her personal veiws and personal reasons for self harming.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Sun Mar 17 22:23:53 2002 (#1162)

whatever...meah.

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Mon Mar 18 19:43:40 2002 (#1166)

hehe thanks Jadeine I appreciate your back up on that one! I see Alana has nothing to say for your last comment... take care
Love Roses and Empathy
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: YOU stoopid
Posted by Alana on Mon Mar 18 20:20:04 2002 (#1167)

not that I have nothing to say...just you guys won't listen to it anyways. So what the fuck is the point right?

The two of you can just fuck off. You're not worth talking to.

Alana

thanks
Posted by gnimia on Mon Mar 11 16:46:07 2002 (#1110)

thhanks for the replies. had forgotten how much it helps to know other people are in the same boat!
Like you said, the doc wasa quack. she was about 65 and kept telling me how abnormal i was. then when i screamed at her that im NOT abnormal she just looked at me as if she knew so much better, and told me that lithium wasnt the answer after all. i dont know. i dont want more drutgs, i just want to know things are changing.

got to go and see my cpn on thursday and shes bound to be helpful. think shes a bit old school, tyou know, you cut to get yoursdelf noticed. she wants me to open up to her and trust her but when i tell her the truth she jut ignoes it and says she cant see me for twop weeks anyway. and at the moment shes the only person i have. i dont think ill go on thurs. for one reasonor another i doubt ill make it.
does anyone else have boyfriends or people theyt are close to who say they want to listen, but chnge the subject as soon as you get anywhere near something awkward. think im going to give up. on that one at least.
scary thing. have used up and blunted all the 10 pack of bladesi bought two weeks ago. had to resort to other stuff last night and it didnt help at all. all this reliance shit i hate so much. relying on anything that will get me thru the day.
sorry if am babbling, or making no sense. maybe im not welcome herwe either
cheers

FOR GNIMIA
Posted by Nuni on Mon Mar 11 18:22:58 2002 (#1114)

I think you make sense, because I have been there. I know it sounds weird. The thing is cutting starts to feel like the solution. The pain we feel inside is so much to bear that why not externalize it. Some choose to cry and scream, even throw things. We have chosen to cut, becuase we believe its better. I'm unsure why you said "people cut to get noticed". That is not always a true statement. The thing is this is how those of us that self injure handle overwhelming situations. When you just dont know what else will make the pain and or desperation go away. I am not sure what the deal is with your therapist. I usually have a hard time dealing with his absence never longer than 10 days. I am getting better. One thing though, why is she saying you are abnormal. That doesnt sound healthy. Do you have an option to see someone else? I hope you are doing alright! Take care. Hugs,
Nuni

Re: FOR GNIMIA
Posted by gnimia on Tue Mar 12 18:43:25 2002 (#1123)

hey!
im not saying i think cutting is the answewr to al problems. its obvious it isnt. plenty people get along without even thinking about. i dont intend to do it forever. but i do need it now. which is why it upsets me when i get accused of attention seeking (getting noticed). ive been doing this too long, and am too cautious about the new ones, at least, to be really attention seeking. funny how thats almost the wosrt thing about this woman. that the cutting is the root of my problem. the root of all evil (lol).
there are a lot of things that are worse, i guess thats what im trying to say. Pah, who am i trying to convince? me or you? but im not as abnormal as they might think. im here arent i?

keep safe. xx

today
Posted by pink girl on Mon Mar 11 20:55:21 2002 (#1115)

i really scared myself today. i had a really bad weekend, my grandad died and i just was on a real downer and then today i had a letter from a friend saying that i either have to be friends with her finacee (who i cant stand) or i loose her friendship.
i just got so down and cut worse than i have in a while. i really wanted to die and i cut down my forarm, i just didnt have the courage to press hard enough.
now i have calmed down a lot, but i still feel really bad. and not looking forward to going home on friday for easter, as my mum will see my arm which = more stress.

sorry
just had to get that off my chest.

Re: today
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Mar 12 02:34:20 2002 (#1117)

I really hope you feel better. Take care of yourself. Email me if you ever want to talk.
Love, RHonda

Re: today
Posted by Star (amz ) on Tue Mar 12 11:53:38 2002 (#1122)

hey sounds like ur havin a pretty rought time,if you need to talk or mail im always here,take care of yourself.Amz x

Re: today
Posted by *me* on Tue Mar 12 21:56:54 2002 (#1130)

I'm sorry that your grandpa died and that your going through a tough time right now. Take care and try to stay safe. Lots of love.

Happy Birthday to "Guess Who"!
Posted by Linda on Tue Mar 12 04:01:08 2002 (#1118)

Happy Birthday to yooooooooooou, Happy Birthday to yooooooooooooooou, Happy Birthday dear Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ggggggggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee! Happy Birthday to you! (and many more!)

Re: Happy Birthday to "Guess Who"!
Posted by kae on Tue Mar 12 05:06:09 2002 (#1119)

yeah, happy 21st Maggie!!! you deserve the best ever!!!

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: Happy Birthday to "Guess Who"!
Posted by Maggie on Thu Mar 14 14:11:43 2002 (#1140)

Ohhhhh Linda and Kae, you're so sweet.
I had a great birthday and can't wait till my party next weekend. I'm gonna have 150 friends there and I'm really excited. Can hardly believe that I made it till my 21st birthday...
Thanks for your wishes, they meant a lot.

Lots of luv,
Maggie.

Re: Happy Birthday to "Guess Who"!
Posted by Linda on Thu Mar 14 16:00:05 2002 (#1141)

Hope your party is a great one! Glad that you made it this far too!

that girl I told you guys about....
Posted by kae on Tue Mar 12 05:24:31 2002 (#1120)

remember when i posted about that girl at school who was making a very public display of minor scratches? shes 15, two years younger than me, and was practically making headlines with her ridiculous scratches.
anyway, i managed to get in touch with a friend of hers, and he gave her my email address. She added me to her msn list, and we got chatting. At first, she seemed just like i did when i first started cutting. But last night when i came online, she said hello and casually came out with "oh i was a bit bad last night, i had to get like, 30 stitches today". i just about fell over. I asked her all about it. She said that she'd gone to the doctor about her meds, and he'd looked at her arm. Apparently the cut she'd made the night beforehand was about 1cm wide, and there were some other cuts which were bad too. So the doctor stitched them up. I said, "hang on, doctors cant stitch up anything that is over 8 hours old". She was like, "cant they? well, he stitched them up anyway."
im still reeling. I dont know whether to believe her or not. I mean, from what ive seen, she just does little scratches. Now shes telling me that she made a centimetre-wide cut? the worst ive ever done was about 6-7mm. and she treated it so casually....she even said she'd show me at school, but i never see her at school so i didnt get the chance. while we were talking, a guy in my year came online as well and she told him too. he believed every word....just like the rest of her mates will. but....i just dont know if shes telling the truth...some things dont add up...

i feel like ive failed at the one thing that was mine. cutting was MINE. and now, some girl who is two years younger than me has beaten me at it. cutting was the one thing that i have going for me, the one thing that i can fall back on. now ive failed that as well. how did this happen??? how come she can cut deeper than me, so easily? and treat it so casually??

IM SO ANGRY. now cutting feels wrong, like im wasting my time. the beauty and comfort of it is slipping away.

theres a bunch of other shit going on as well....god i hate this life! im sick of hearing myself whine about it, im sick of myself FULL STOP.

fuck!

kae

I need some advice
Posted by Amanda on Tue Mar 12 19:57:24 2002 (#1125)

OK there is this girl at my school, she in my year (so shes 14/15) i dont hang around with her but im kinda mates with her. this week shes put herself in time-out...spending her lessons in an empty room working on her own. ive been told by one of her closer friends that she put herself there because she cant handle going to most of her lessons, she goes to some but only a few. ive also been told that she has started cutting. it was described to me as "small but deepish scratches". i dont know how much of this is true or why she does it but i have this uncontrolable urge to try and help her. but im not sure how. i know that when i first started...if someone who is where i am now had spoken to me then i might not be here now. i had no help at first, it was only offered to me when i had convinced myself that there was no problem. i dont want her ruin her body. i look at her and wish i could look like her.
i really dont want her to go through the pain and hurt that SI will cause her. but i have no idea how to help her. if anyone has any ideas pls let me know.

Love Trust and Pixi Dust
Amanda

Re: I need some advice
Posted by Erin on Tue Mar 12 20:53:36 2002 (#1126)

here's what I would do... I'd just go up to her and say that someone told me that she's been kind of scratching/cutting herself and see if she really is... if she admits it, then I'd say that I do too and that I want to help you not do it because it ruined me. thats probably what I'd do...

Re: I need some advice
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Tue Mar 12 21:21:33 2002 (#1128)

I agree with Erin

Re: I need some advice
Posted by *me* on Tue Mar 12 22:00:32 2002 (#1131)

If you think it's too awkward to go up to her (or if not many people know that you cut and you want to keep it that way), you could send her an anonymous note. If you know where her locker is or you can slip it onto her desk or something like that, if it's typed up no one would know it was you and you could still tell her stuff. I don't know. Just an idea.

very pissed off
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Tue Mar 12 21:14:51 2002 (#1127)

ok just had a big row with my boyfriend so Im very wound up and Ive snapped at my mom and pissed her off too thats all I wanted to say Im fucking pissed off

Re: very pissed off
Posted by Rhonda on Wed Mar 13 02:40:08 2002 (#1133)

You know I'm here for you Crims. Take care of
yourself.
Love, Rhonda

food
Posted by *me* on Tue Mar 12 22:10:48 2002 (#1132)

So today at lunch my friend was like analyzing what I eat. It's making me uncomfortable, that people are starting to be like, what are you eating? Why didn't you eat that? And stuff. So far it's mainly my friends, but it's making me feel weird. I don't want them to make me eat. Food has become my enemy. I know at first I was like, "well people can't ignore it when you become that skinny, and they'd have to get me help." But now I've decided I don't want help for anything. I don't understand what "help" would do for me. Cutting has kept me alive and somewhat sane for 5 years, so why should I stop? And it's MINE. No one can make me stop it, I just want to avoid the trouble of people trying to. But now eating has come into the picture. I had always promised myself I would never have an eating disorder. I would never, COULD never do it. I know all of the risks. But suddenly, I just don't want to put food in my mouth. I do EAT, just not very much - and what I eat is like fat free yogurt, veggies and fruits. I know I'm losing a lot of weight, but everyone's telling me how nice I look, and I get to buy all new cloths that are small, and it's just...I don't know. I don't understand why my friends are making a big deal out of it. Ok, so I do sort of understand, but as far as they know I'm eating three meals a day, I've just cut out all fatty foods and eating between meals. They don't know I BARELY eat, and a lot of the time when I do I puke it up. They don't know that. So what's the big deal? It's annoying. I just want people to be happy for me. Losing weight makes me happy. It makes me feel good, and I just wish people could be happy for me instead of trying to force cookies down my throat at lunch.

Re: food
Posted by Erin on Wed Mar 13 03:45:13 2002 (#1135)

tell your friends to lay off you...and tell them that you eat 3 times a day..all that good stuff. its good that you eat healthy and everything. you just gotta set your friends straight and get them to shut up

Re: food
Posted by Star (amz ) on Fri Mar 15 11:35:57 2002 (#1152)

Hi, i was reading and i think that yeah its good to eat healthy but maybe ur friends are just worried bout ur sudden weight loss or something? i know from thier side its horrible to sit back and watch a friend not eating, although i know u said u r eating so maybe ushould explain to them? i know they might seem like being nosey as im sure i did to my friend but im sure they really care.
Take care
Amz x

can't seem to stop
Posted by Phil on Wed Mar 13 03:31:27 2002 (#1134)

hi everyone, hope your all ok.
Now this is going to sound really stupid but thing are going brilliantly at the moment, I havent felt this good in ages! Everyone in my life is great and Im under no stress for the first time in a long time.
Having said all this I cant seem to stop cutting. I dont do it with any force anymore but I still have to bleed, can anyone explain? Im not worried (yet) but I always though I would stop if life was good.
Thanks for your time and thanks to those who have helped bring my life back together.
phil x

Re: can't seem to stop
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 15 02:24:49 2002 (#1148)

Hi Phil,
Maybe it's like a habit you've gotten into. Like
smoking cigs is a habit. You just can't stop. Oh
well, just be careful and be sure to clean the
cuts good. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: can't seem to stop
Posted by Star (amz ) on Fri Mar 15 11:25:07 2002 (#1151)

HI Phil.
I hope you dont mind me writin back i just thought id say hi, i wouldnt worry about your cuttin unless it gets like really worse as maybe like Rhonda said its more like a habit and might take a while to go, im glad your happy though :) i really am. If you ever need anyone to talk to (although im sure you will have others to talk to first) but in case you ever do im always here for you,
Take care
Love Amz xx