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Threads 276 to 300

WHY!!??
Posted by kae on Sun Feb 10 11:10:27 2002 (#982)

WHY is EVERYTHING so fucking UNFAIR???

how can males like YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKWIT, be able to RUIN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES???? why the FUCK did u do it to her???? WHY ???????? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING CHRISTIAN!!!!

ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR.

men rape women. they ruin the woman's life. they dont care. they lie. they dont admit what they've done. they lie and say it never happened. they go on with their life. they go out, they go out fucking SAILING for FUCKS SAKE. how can he be so fucking carefree??? go about like nothing ever happened?? HOW THE FUCK DOES HE GO ON LIVING WITH HIMSELF???

how can a guy who everyone thinks is so damn fucking perfect go and rape a girl?? and then be face-to-face with the cops who KNOW hes guilty and STILL FUCKING DENY IT??? HOW????

HOW THE FUCK IS LIFE SO FUCKED UP????

fuck i hate everything. NOTHING is fair, absolutely fucking NOTHING!! its not even balanced, why cant we just have a balance of fair things and unfair things? but NO!!!

i want to scream i want to fucking scream and kill him. i want to hurt him as much as hes hurt everyone i know.....i hate him so much.

FUCK THIS FUCKED UP LIFE. if god existed, why the FUCK did he let shit like this happen to good people? FUCK HIM.

k

Re: WHY!!??
Posted by KAT on Sun Feb 10 14:25:09 2002 (#983)

You anger Kae is perfectly normal..Im so sorry and I know my words cant help what has happened, but I am still sorry.
Keep letting your anger out and dont stuff it down so that no one can see it. some people do things without thinking, and some people just dont have sympathy for others, they only think about themelfs.
Please stay angrey and dont ever give up..this man has done something and taken something from someone that can never be given back.
I hope that one day you let yourself come to terms with thise situation and have peace within yourself,
*hugs*
I love you Kae
-KAT

Re: WHY!!??
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Sun Feb 10 17:16:33 2002 (#985)

I know exactly what you mean Kae,
this man is a complete arsehole, but he will get his up-commance.
Fate will have its turn on him and the laws of Karma will pay him back in their own way for the damage that he has done, even in years to come and he still is not brought to justice, always remember that fate WILL have its turn on him, and Karma will pay him back for the pain he has caused.
He wont get away with it, no matter what.
Stay strong sweetheart.
Love Roses and Empathy.
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: WHY!!??
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Feb 10 17:47:11 2002 (#986)

I know exactly how you feel cause that's how I feel about the guy who raped Tara. He denied to it
everyone, but one officer told Tara they knew he
was guilty but couldn't get the evidence they needed on him. So now it's just a waiting game till he screws up again. My only peace in this
matter is that this guy will have to answer to a
higher calling when he dies. He will be judged by
God and will not be able to get out of it. We may
not find that kind of peace on earth, but we will
find it in heaven with God. I don't mean to get on
a soapbox about this, but I just wanted to get my
feelings out on this because your post brought up
a lot of feelings in me I have to deal with every
time I see this jerk running around in town. He
will pay in the end. I hope you pain eases up some
with the coming days. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: WHY!!??
Posted by melz on Mon Feb 11 04:01:33 2002 (#991)

My friend has cancer, she's a good person, life isn't fair...

thanks
Posted by kae on Tue Feb 12 11:21:55 2002 (#992)

I'm still mad. I will always be mad at this bastard who has ruined my friend's life.

If anything could make me feel better about the situation, it would be knowing that he feels shame and guilt because of what hes done. But he doesn't. He just keeps lying...he keeps going to church...he spread a rumour around that I had charged him with sexual harrassment...he goes sailing with his friends in the weekend. All happy and fine and free. FUCKING BASTARD.

I cut and wrote a curse for him in my blood. I cursed his evil soul. I wrote that he would be never forgiven, that he will suffer forever. Writing that, in my blood, on white paper, helped a little.

I'm an angry person. I have a quick temper. The counsellor told me that I was "highly-strung"...shes dead right.

Thanks for your replies, everyone. Especially Rhonda...I didn't know that happened to Tara. It helps to know that somebody else understands how unfair it all is....how unjust this stupid world can be.

luv 'n hugz, kae

Strange
Posted by KAT on Sun Feb 10 14:30:46 2002 (#984)

Ok first of all let me say I am NOT a religious person, but my parents are..and they put me through Catholic school from kindergarden to about foruth grade.
I on the other hand havent been sindie of a church for at least 7 years..although I came across this statue in my house. I never bothered reading it before but I did and here's what it says I think it fits perfecetly into what we must all overcome
It's called the Serenity prayer:

God grant me the courage to chnage the things I can change, the serenity to accept those I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
But God, grant me the courage not to give up on what is right, even though I think it is hopeless.

At the support group I go to we also say this prayer for reocvering addicts and also addicts who sufer still.I suppose I just never realized the connection.

love you all
-KAT

Re: Strange
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Feb 10 17:49:16 2002 (#987)

Hey KAT,
That is one of my favorites. It really does say a lot, doesn't it? I hope this post finds you
feeling okay. Take care of yourself.
LOve, Rhonda

PLEASE READ THIS ITS IMPORTANT
Posted by Robyn on Sun Feb 10 23:52:02 2002 (#989)

guys i made a huge mistake last night... me and david got into a huge ass fight and i was upset so i called some of my friends to come over and just to hang to get my mind off it well this one reallie dirty kid chris came over with my best friend debbie and i kinda fuked him W/O a condom omg i'm sooo scared and well SCARED outta my pants i dont know wat to do i called my best friend megan to come over around 2 am and she did and i reallie need some help!! my AIM is ozzyboy102 so if ya wanna talk on that go for it! much love always

robyn

Re: PLEASE READ THIS ITS IMPORTANT
Posted by LOST on Tue Feb 19 16:41:24 2002 (#1018)

girl, i seem to make that mistake QUITE OFTEN... so I'm not really one to judge about it. I myself might be pregnant by some guy that NOW hates my guts.... but anyway... i think u should wait about a month then go get tested for everything (including pregnancy)... thats about all u can do in a situation like that...

Where is everyone?
Posted by Linda on Wed Feb 13 23:06:29 2002 (#993)

I hope this means that all the problems have been solved!! ;)

Re: Where is everyone?
Posted by KAT on Thu Feb 14 00:13:03 2002 (#994)

thats a nice way to look at it Linda, heh..
but I dont think so........hopefully though your right.
I dunno..alot of people have been postin over at the old psyke board lately, I dunno whats up.
I check both regularly..I suppose I dont have a life
:|

well
love ya!!
-KAT

Re: Where is everyone?
Posted by Nuni on Thu Feb 14 02:01:24 2002 (#995)

Kat,
If you dont have a life then neither do I. Linda, that last post from Robyn wasn't something I could follow. So like Kat, I have been posting at the old board.

good news at last
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Thu Feb 14 02:30:01 2002 (#996)

Hi guys
well... I dont know if any of you remember me talking about the guy I was involved with, who was older than me, me being 15 him being 23.. it was all complicated him being with his ex all the time etc etc.
anyway...we decided that we were going to try and work things out, he told me that he was going to tell his ex that they would never get back together etc.
all was going well between me and him, we decided that we would try and get together once his ex was over him as we did not want to tear her apart anymore.
but then she tells me that he has still been sleeping with her... so I am drunk and very pissed off, I ring him up and shout my mouth off at him, he has no explinations but tells me that it shouldnt have happened and that he wants me and not her, so anyway I give him a second chance, and he promises me that he will proove his love for me, and stop fucking about with his ex.. etc etc etc
so anyway as it stands, if he fucks up on this second chance I dont want to know.
Now we are seeing each other officially, valentines day too, I am so happy to be with him, just hope that he doesnt let me down.
Love Roses and Empathy
...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs...

It sounds like bad news to me
Posted by Maggie on Fri Feb 15 01:10:21 2002 (#997)

Hi.
You probably don't like what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
How many times will he have to mistreat you before you finally see him for what he is???
I'm sorry if this is offensive, but he was screwing his ex while he had you believe that him not being with you was because he was trying to be considerate to her.
It sounds like this has been an on-going thing anyway... and you can be sure he's gonna screw you around again, for you have set yourself a precedent of being over-forgiving.

If he cheats on you once, it's his fault...if he cheats on you again, it's your fault.

I say this because I have been in your same situation on two different occassions... and believe me that he's not sincere.
I hope that no matter which way this turns out, you come out with some dignity.

Luv and Hugs,
Maggie.

Re: It sounds like bad news to me
Posted by Nuni on Fri Feb 15 03:09:10 2002 (#998)

I agree with Maggie. First, he is 23 years old and he is having a sexual relationship with a woman I am sure is closer to his age. Second I hate this but, he is playing you sweetheart. He knows you are taking him back. This may be his second chance but maybe you are selling yourself short by believing that he "really doesn't want to be with her" or just saying "that you decided to wait for her to be over him" A girl that is still sleeping with her supposed ex does not have any intention of getting over him. I hope you come out of the "second" chance unscathed. Luv and HUGE hugs,
Nuni

Re: It sounds like bad news to me
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Fri Feb 15 03:24:53 2002 (#999)

guys
I understand what you are trying to say, maybe I am just a stupid walkover, but I do genuinly think that he is sorry for what he has done, he said by that having ago at him, I gave him the kick up the ass that he needed, and he made up his mind and chose me...
I dont know, he says he loves me, he is so caring towards me, and I love him to bits.. I have told him that I dont trust him anymore, and that if he wants me to, he has to earn my trust, and he said that he is willing to do that... so Im not expecting too much of him, if he doesnt earn it, then its over...

Re: It sounds like bad news to me
Posted by Amanda on Sat Feb 16 09:31:19 2002 (#1000)

Crimson, i can totally relate to what you are saying about him. im in a similar situation. my b/f is 17 and im 15. hes cheated on me 3 times in the last 3 years. but i do truly believe he loves me. if this guy didnt care about you then he would have kept it a secret and wouldnt have said that he chose you. no matter what any one says, guys do have a few brain cells...just enough to know what they are doing! lol, sometimes they get it wrong but we all do sometimes. im no saint, none of us are.

just be careful. his heart is full of a firey passion for someone, make sure you dont get burnt. good luck with it.

Love Trust and Pixi Dust
Amanda

even more good news
Posted by Erin on Sat Feb 16 17:34:15 2002 (#1001)

well..on the 13th, I got in trouble because my parents found a ciagarette butt in my room when I with my best friend to see her mom in the hospital...so I wasnt allowed to go anywhere, be online or talk on the phone..and this meant I couldnt talk to my bf, adam. I got really upset.

after my mom left me alone, I remember telling myself "I wish I could tell her about cutting" well I was crying even more and she came back to my room and I kept saying that I dont deserve to live...I hate myself..I'm just a freak and she'll never understand me... things like that. well, she wouldnt leave until I told her what my problem was. so I asked her if she ever heard of self injury. she said yeah and I just said "I cut myself"

She just looked at me and left and I guess she told my dad because he came in my room and asked me what was going on with me... So I told him about it. I told him about my cutting...why I do it...how my mom is towards me. everything. he said that he loved him and he'd do anything for me and that he'd want me to go to him if I ever need anything. he even held me until I calmed down...He's NEVER done that before. any of it. I felt better after telling them...I know they dont get it though...they dont get how addicting it is and everything. I've gone 3 weeks and 2 days without cutting and I'm really going to stop. I feel so much different about it too... I've never felt this way before. if I cant stop on my own for some reason, at least I know I can go to my dad and get him to help me. I know this is pretty long and thanks if you read all of it. lol I went through 11 months of this and it really wasnt worth it. becaues I've hurt my bf and my best friend and I really never wanted to do that. but I'm going to make it up to them. I'll still come to the board sometimes...especailly after I'm not grounded anymore. lol

Re: even more good news
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Feb 16 17:53:41 2002 (#1002)

Oh God, this is huge Erin. I'm glad you told your mom and dad. Sounds like your dad is gonna help
you. Please let him help. If he has any questions, I would be thrilled if he wanted to
talk to another parent, like me. It would help
him to try to understand more about this. If I can
help in any way at all, please let me know. I'm
so happy for you honey, I can't even begin to tell
you how much. This could be a new start for you.
Please keep me posted on how you and your parents
are doing. Remember, I care about you and pray
for you every day. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: even more good news
Posted by *me* on Sat Feb 16 22:02:52 2002 (#1003)

Hey Erin, congratulations! That's really exciting for you. You're lucky you have a dad that cares about you. Hey, and good job on the no cutting! :)

Lots of love, take care and stay safe.

Re: even more good news
Posted by Linda on Sat Feb 16 22:42:17 2002 (#1004)

Ohhhhhhhhh Erin....this is terrific. I'm so glad you told your parents. That is a giant step. Please keep us posted with your progress.

Re: even more good news
Posted by Erin on Sun Feb 17 03:01:17 2002 (#1005)

thanks everyone :) that means a lot...I'm glad a lot of people are happy about it. :)

GO ERIN!!
Posted by kae on Sun Feb 17 10:38:00 2002 (#1006)

that is the most positive thing i have ever seen posted on this board!! best of luck!! i know you can do it. :)

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: GO ERIN!!
Posted by Erin on Sun Feb 17 17:08:43 2002 (#1007)

thanks kae :)

God got his ass kicked
Posted by Alana on Mon Feb 18 02:40:22 2002 (#1008)

They say - good try -
tomorrow Alana's going to die
I told the priest - don't count on
any second coming.
God got his ass kicked the first time he
came down here slumming
He had the balls to come, the gall to die
and then forgive us -
No, I don't wonder why
I wonder what he thought
it would get us - hey hey, good try -
Tomorrow Alana's going to die.

Re: God got his ass kicked
Posted by pink girl on Tue Feb 19 00:50:16 2002 (#1011)

just wanted to say take care. i, and lots of people on the bord care about you. if you want to talk or owt mail me.
love sarah xxx

I can't believe some people...
Posted by kae on Mon Feb 18 11:01:09 2002 (#1009)

My sister, (who's 15 and, like the rest of my family, doesn't know about my SI) was just telling me about this girl in her group of friends. This girl is the same age as her and has a habit of 'slitting' her wrists. My sister was telling me how this girl was bouncing around today, in a totally hyper mood, singing (in front of everyone) "My pills will start to work in 8 days!!" Apparently, she has been put on anti-depressants...and was happily telling everyone and anyone. Not only that, my sister described to me the 'cuts' on this girl's arms and wrists...nothing more than minor scratches that looked just like cat scratches. She'd made crosses in some places and little scratches on her wrists. Okay, well, fair enough. Every cutter I know started with scratching. But we all kept our newly discovered habit hidden, kept it a closely guarded secret. This girl does not. My sister told me about how she sits with her friends, her jersy off, and her arms positioned so that EVERYBODY can get a clear view of her scratches. AND, not only that, from time to time she turns her wrists over, while she knows people are looking. Of course, this makes the most innocent members of the group say "oh (her name)! what have you done, ohhh wah wah wah..." The girl loves this. She loves the attention. She is making sure that absolutely everybody knows about her stupid non-existant problem.
I'm really annoyed. She is attention-seeking. She is making a drama out of something that is NOT serious. My sister and a few other girls don't believe the pills story either. The worst part is, people are wasting their time worrying about it. They think that the scratches are 'slitting'. They are not!! Slitting is a fine art! Slitting one's wrists means cutting deep, deep into the flesh until the necessary veins are ruptured and that person's life is in danger. NOT SCRATCHING WITH A FUCKING TOOTHPICK!!

This girl is quite well-known for making dramas out of little things. I'm just so mad...I want to shove my arms in her face and show her what a real self-injurer looks like. Someone who DOESNT prance around making sure everyone sees.

Aarrghh. Stupid little girl. I wish she'd get a clue and stop pretending, thats all.

kae

Re: I can't believe some people...
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Mon Feb 18 17:48:07 2002 (#1010)

Kae I know exactly what you mean, I fucking hate people like that, people that give real SI'ers a bad name, it is because of people like them that flash their "cuts" around and make a big deal about it, that all self injurers get labelled as attention seekers, I hate it.. just wanted to back you up on that one.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Love Roses and Empathy
...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs...

Re: I can't believe some people...
Posted by LOST on Tue Feb 19 04:03:45 2002 (#1013)

ok wellllllllllllllllll i can't stand stuff like that either... the people that REALLY do do it for attention... BUT on the other hand, when i first started cutting (which went on for about 4 yrs) the state of mind that i was in didn't really let me know that there was anything wrong with it. i've never HIDDEN my scars EVER... BUT i've never flashed them either. in my mind it was kind of like "normal" i guess bcuz i had never heard anything about it. now that i think about it, at the time i didn't give it much thought (which i guess shows just how normal i thought it was) people would say "oh what happened!?" and i wouldn't lie... and i wouldn't notice the looks of disgust on their face. i would never cut IN FRONT of anyone... except with a really close friend i met in one of the hospitals... we were room mates at the place and would have secret late night meetings in the bathroom and cut. i dont know if u guys think thats all just for attention or anything... i never thought it was at all... but i guess everyone has their own opinion....

The only time i've "flashed" them has been in the past yr or 2 when i hear people that i know talking down about that kind of stuff and i show them my scars and that makes them realize that cutters can be ANY normal person in the world... not just the "freaks" wearing black trench-coats and black make up. after that, they always shut the fuck up :)

there is no point to this message
Posted by LOST on Tue Feb 19 03:54:58 2002 (#1012)

i don't know what it is that keeps me coming back here... i don't post in response to any of you guys, but i read all of the posts. i post every so often. i've been coming to this board (and the board that this was made from) for 3 yrs (in march) and i don't cut anymore, but something keeps bringing me back. i think that maybe its because, although i don't cut anymore, those same demons and horrible creatures that seem to haunt me from way down deep inside are a plague in your lives also. i've tried so many different things to rid myself of them... but they never leave. i don't know what to do. anyway, just another pointless post from me...

Re: there is no point to this message
Posted by kae on Tue Feb 19 10:43:19 2002 (#1014)

that wasn't pointless, and you posted a perfectly good response to my whine! its good to have people like you on the board still...people who have conquered self-injury and are sticking round to help the rest of us. its so great that you don't cut anymore...and the demons and fears you describe are something we can help you with too.

we all need help at some point...and we all give help too. everyone who comes to this board is both needy and needed...and always appreciated.

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: there is no point to this message
Posted by LOST on Tue Feb 19 16:38:53 2002 (#1017)

hey... thanks :) You made me feel better about that... i thought it was kinda pointless for me to post to u guys since i don't cut anymore... like maybe i wouldn't be welcomed or something. thats why i barely ever post anything. :)

Re: there is no point to this message
Posted by kae on Wed Feb 20 10:12:08 2002 (#1021)

you're welcome...i meant everything i said.

luv 'n hugz, kae :)

Re: there is no point to this message
Posted by pink girl on Tue Feb 19 20:34:39 2002 (#1019)

hiya
i just wanted to say in response to your message that even if you dont cut any more you should still post here if it helps you. i will always be there to listen to anyone who needs to talk, regardless of how they deal with it.
so dont feel bad at all, please.
if you ever want/need to write. feel free
love sarah xx

Re: there is no point to this message
Posted by Linda on Wed Feb 20 14:30:55 2002 (#1022)

(((((((((((((((LOST))))))))))) ))))))) Hey kiddo....welcome back......you were here before most of the people posting. You most certainly still belong here if only to help. I have gotten so busy that my time is limited on here so I don't get to check every message anymore. I thought you didn't have regular computer access anymore. I never got an answer back from my last email. Hope all is well!! Love you!!

How it lies...
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Tue Feb 19 15:17:40 2002 (#1016)

You'll never survive the doubt in my mind,
You betrayed me once, I can't leave that behind.
I'm building a wall around myself,
To protect me from you and your mindless wealth.
You say that you love me, but how do I know?
That you mean what you say, this you must show.
Third time around, Im keeping whats mine,
My dignity, soul, spirit and mind.
If you want me to love you my trust you must earn,
Only one is capable, the rest never learn.

Whats going on...
Posted by Star (amz ) on Wed Feb 20 09:47:05 2002 (#1020)

Hi, I haven’t posted on here in a long time, but a lot of things have been going on recently and I need to get them out, my best friend has got with the guy my sis really likes and also I have finished with my ex B/F and got with my other one who I was with for a year and a half and its going great but I really cant enjoy it as IM so worried about my sis as I know she is truly devastated by my friends actions when my friend knew that she liked this guy, I cannot believe she let a guy come between them, I doubt they will ever be the same again my sis is so hurt and that hurts me to watch IM trying to keep her *up* as I don’t want the cutting to start all over again as I hate to watch her do that to herself and last time it got us into some deep shit.

Also IM worried about my friend as this guy she’s with is a great guy (honest I know from what I have said earlier it doesn’t sound that way but I really care about him) but I don’t think either of them is really in the state of mind for a relationship, especially my friend as she is very depressed etc and I think she needs to sort herself and what she wants before brining someone in (my opinion of course IM sure I could be greatly wrong) I just don’t want to see her hurt by this guy I really don’t as I love and care for her so much, its weird I miss her as I don’t see her really now but I don’t think its gonna sort very easily I feel very stuck in the middle with this all, can anyone think of any way to help? I don’t want them to think IM prying this is why this is posted here and not said/written to them.
IM sorry for the long rant I will go now, Thanks for reading this Amz xxx

Re: Whats going on...
Posted by jes on Fri Feb 22 00:15:43 2002 (#1026)

you
may as well have said it to may face seeing as you know i come here

Re: Whats going on...
Posted by star on Fri Feb 22 12:57:15 2002 (#1029)

Yeah but what would the response have been like?
i cant b doing with the shit, u havent postd in a while thought ud stopped comin.

Looking for
Posted by Rayne on Wed Feb 20 15:14:56 2002 (#1023)

HI, I was on this site a couple years ago, and I met a couple of wonderful friends that saved my life. I havent spoken to one of them in so long and I want to know how shes doing. If you read this girl, then email me.

I am also willing to listen, and share experiences with those of you that are having any problems. I no longer hurt myself. I am so happy to tell you that I am a survivor, and even more happy to say you can be one too:)

Re: Looking for
Posted by LOST on Wed Feb 20 21:56:24 2002 (#1024)

hey rayne.... i dunno who ur talking about... but i remember u from BACK IN THE DAYS like 3 yrs ago(canada sucks eh!) we talked A LOT and all that stuff when u were going through A LOT of bullshit.... when u and connie "hung out"... even on the phone a few times... remember me???? I can't say my real name (for certain reasons) so e-mail me and we can figure out if MAYBE its my dumb ass that ur looking for... and if NOT (which would make me look retarded!) then i can see if maybe i know where the person ur lookin for is. anyway, get back at me chica... laters

ramble
Posted by Chiyono on Fri Feb 22 00:34:32 2002 (#1027)

i made my *first* deep cut today. scared me so bad. i was shaking..and still am. bleed for over thirty minutes and i almost called my parents and told them i cut so they could help me. it stopped now, well almost. didn't tell them or anything. feeling so relieved and happy right now. i know that sounded silly to be scared of something like that. it is just that i've never made cuts that have bleed for longer than a few minutes and didn't know how to take it. had to ramble about it. sorry.

stupid bleedin' idiot
Posted by jes on Fri Feb 22 00:37:39 2002 (#1028)

ok, a lot of shit, as you may have read from 'star's' post i am now going out with a guy and, yes, it has been a a lot of trouble. But, i didn't know i'd created so much hostility among some peoplewho i thoguht understood me beter than most. Apart from that, which i can't really talk a bout a lot because it seems everyone else knows more than me, there is yet more which is the reason for my title :-
when i first startd going out with phil, his ex, who is also a friend of mine went mental. (many bruises on his part) but i got a right outhful that really upset me and wot with some other stuff, i decided to cut, in a club, and it was much too deep. it turns out that if i'd gone to see th nurse earlier, i'd have ahd to have stitches.
how fucking stupid can one person be?? i don't know why anymore.

take care all of you xxx

Re: stupid bleedin' idiot
Posted by star on Fri Feb 22 13:00:43 2002 (#1030)

i did think i understood you, i just didnt understand ur motives towards emm, i cant see how a supposed friend can do that to someone, i thought this was over with anyway as we cant agreee everyting is gettin so fucking twisted and its so confusing, i just think i needed to get this all out to tell you the truth, but showing me and emm your cuts didnt help talk about makin us feel responsable, doesnt matter neway, get on with life suppose thats the way to go on, it just hurts thats all i thought wed finally workied everyting out i guess, the mouthful off tina was for your good she doesnt want you to get hurt, she wasnt being mean she didnt know how to handle it, i can understand that i feel the same. amz

Re: stupid bleedin' idiot
Posted by jes on Fri Feb 22 13:35:04 2002 (#1032)

well i thought it was all over too until i come on here and find out that you're still mad at me. i think though, that if things had been different, emm would have gone out with him knowing i liked him so i don't see the difference to be honest. as far as showing you the cut goes, i was very drunk and i think quite rightly worried, i didn't do it for any ohter reason. you know what i'm like when i get drunk, you know, loss of inhibitions?
ok, maybe tina was worried etc, but it was a different story when it was directed at you wasn't it? wy is it so different for me? i deserve it more than you do? i don't know.

Re: stupid bleedin' idiot
Posted by star (amz) on Sun Feb 24 15:42:06 2002 (#1044)

i cant say anything what i say is always wrong so ill just leave it, also emm wouldnt have done that im sorry but she wouldnt.

First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Phil on Fri Feb 22 14:50:34 2002 (#1033)

Hello everyone, I suppose I should start by introducing myself, My names Phil and for any of you who know "jes" on this mailing list Im her boyfreind. I feel somwhat stupid for writting this as I know Jes and alot of others will read it who I would like not to. but here go's.
I do cut myself but I dont belive I deserve any compation from any of you, I do it for my own reasons and Im healthy in the main. My concern is for Jes and her freinds. We have been going out for a week now and I have loved every miniute. but its hard, especilly on her. Her freinds all think Im wrong for her, but I really want this to work. I care for her something stupid but the trouble is I can do nothing to help. I know I cant and that makes me feel somewhat usless. Im starting to hate people again and its really getting to me. I dont want to hurt anyone most of all Jes. Can anyone help? I dont want to loose her but I dont want to hurt anyone. Thank you for your time if you have read this and sorry for it being so long. Jes if you read this please forgive me and I promise you Im ok. to use her own words, "forget it, Im just moaning" take care everyone and thank you again. phil x

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Feb 23 02:03:36 2002 (#1035)

Hi Phil,
I think it's wonderful that you care about Jes.
Have you told her that you do care? Maybe you
should if you haven't. And how do you know that you can't help her? If you care for her, just
being there with her will help. I've "talked" to
Jes and have even sent her some e-cards when she
is feeling down. It's so nice to know that there
is someone on her side, and please don't feel
stupid. It sounds like her friends don't like you
cause they may be scared you will take her away
from them. I know it sounds childish, but that's
the way things work sometimes. I really think you
should talk to her without her friends hanging
around. My daughter's so called friends influnced
her so much. But she was different when she didn't hang around them. That's about all I can
tell you. If you would like to email me, please
feel free to. And keep me posted how you and Jes
are doing. I know you said you are healthy, but I
still worry about anyone who cuts. Take care of
yourself and Jes, okay?
LOve, Rhonda

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Phil on Sat Feb 23 04:56:33 2002 (#1036)

Thank you Rhonda, I will mail you a reply.
Phil x

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by star (amz) on Sun Feb 24 15:40:47 2002 (#1043)

phil its amz, dont know what to say all i can say is im sorry i dont think ur wrong for each other and want you to be happy although i might not act that way sometimes, im sorry take care. love u and *jes* more than you think. Amz xxx

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Feb 25 16:07:34 2002 (#1051)

Hi um rhonda i know u maybe didnt mean to hurt but im one of the *friends* invloved and it really hurtto read your post, i never wanted jes to not have phil its the situation that was very difficult, jes is a great friend to me and i was looking out for her i guess and i went about it the wrong way but i definatly want her to be happy and when we were with them it was usually cayuse we were allat my house i have made an effort not to get in the way.i know situations are different so maybe u didnt mean to make me feelso bad im sorry if this came across as nasty im sorta emotional right now.

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Feb 26 02:00:22 2002 (#1052)

Star, I'm sorry. I really didn't know that you were a friend and I honestly didn't mean to hurt
anyone by saying what I did. I guess I just went by what my daughter had been through and didn't
think that there might be someone who truly cared.
I sincerely hope you can patch things up with them
as I know from your post you're a good kid with
a good heart. Again, I'm sorry if I offended any
of their friends. Didn't mean to. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: First time caller, long time listener
Posted by Star (amz ) on Tue Feb 26 12:02:32 2002 (#1053)

Hi rhonda, im sorry if i was mean with my post i dint mean to be and i know you didnt say anything to hurt any of us on purpose so dont worry about it i really hope we can sort it out as well i miss them.
Thanks for replying Amz x

Jes and ALL that are involved....
Posted by LOST on Fri Feb 22 16:52:48 2002 (#1034)

ok lemme break it down for u guys ok? u guys are arguing over petty things that are just gonna make u guys stress out more than u already are stressed. I've been in that situation SOOOOOOOOOOOO many times... there was a group of like 6 or 7 of us girls that were all best friends in high school... and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many times we all fucked eachother over when it came to guys! I was usually the one getting hurt and fucked over. And u know... after a LONG time of that shit happening.... a few of us realized that none of that drama was worth it. Our group totally split off into little cliques and we all hated eachother and stuff. All because of guys that were only in our lives for 5 seconds! TRUE friendship is the most awesome thing u could ever find... don't ever trade that in for a guy that is gonna be around a few months... thats a BIG MISTAKE. BUT on the other side... be accepting of ur friend when they get a new guy... and realize that they ARE gonna be distant from u for a little while because its just natural to want to be around ur new bf every second of the day. thats just how it goes... and a TRUE friend will want the other friend to be HAPPY also. Now whenever any of us talk and the "old days" come up... we realize that it was all stupid bullshit highschool drama and we think of our old selves as pretty stupid too. But anyway people.... the main point is.... this isn't even THAT big of a deal... even tho it seems like one RIGHT NOW... take a step back and look at it. Everyone just needs to say "fuck it" and get over it.... thats my little bit of input....

Re: Jes and ALL that are involved....
Posted by star (amz) on Sun Feb 24 15:43:47 2002 (#1045)

Hey, thanks for taking the time to post about this it helped i can see what u mean its just very difficult. thank u Amz x

Public Message
Posted by Maggie on Sat Feb 23 08:31:33 2002 (#1037)

This is to tell everyone that NUNI is the one of the most sweet, compassionate, smart and beautiful people that anybody could know.
I have been staying with Nuni and her family over the last few months during my working-holiday in the USA. I met her just over a year ago right here on Psyke,and she's just as awesome in real life as she was as a cyber-friend.

Nuni, I'm gonna miss you SOOOO much when I leave this Thursday. You have been a big inspiration on my life, and provided me such a loving environment in which I have begun to find myself.
I'll forever be grateful to you for this opportunity, and I'm blessed to have you as my friend. I'll love you forever and ever.

The biggest HUGAS...
Maggie.

Re: Public Message
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Sat Feb 23 16:04:23 2002 (#1039)

well said honey
*hugs*
...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs...

PLEASE READ GUYS I NEED YOUR ADVICE...
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Sat Feb 23 15:45:41 2002 (#1038)

Hi guys I really need some advice..
recently I have been getting really really bad pains around my lower stomach and it more that feel kind of inside me.. or up me.. argh that sounds gross (sorry).. its really worrying me, I have been bleeding from that area as well for a few days and it is not a period..what the hell do I do??? I dont want to see a doctor I couldnt have one examine me...
please help guys I need your advice..

Re: PLEASE READ GUYS I NEED YOUR ADVICE...
Posted by Phil on Sat Feb 23 16:05:20 2002 (#1040)

I dont know if this is any help too you as I can understand your wish not to see a doctor but you can visit one and refuse an examination. Just tell them whats wrong and they may be able to help from just the symptoms. I hope you are ok and the worst thing you can do is worry, Im sure it will turn out to be a simple problem.
Sorry if that was no help at all, Phil x

Re: PLEASE READ GUYS I NEED YOUR ADVICE...
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Sat Feb 23 16:12:52 2002 (#1041)

thankyou ever so much Phil that has helped me, I appreciate your reply. do you have msn? Im bored if you want to chat..
wastedperfection@ hotmail.com
love, roses and empathy
...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs...

Re: PLEASE READ GUYS I NEED YOUR ADVICE...
Posted by Rhonda on Sat Feb 23 19:29:38 2002 (#1042)

Hey Crims,
Is it on the left or right side? Could make a difference. I don't mean to scare you, but if it's
on the right lower side, it could be your appendix. If you go to a doctor, they would probably just press around on that area where the
pain is and maybe order some tests run. Don't take
any chances, have it checked out,okay? I'll sit
here and worry if you don't so let me know how
you're getting along. Take care honey.
Love, Rhonda

everything and nothing
Posted by Phil on Mon Feb 25 06:11:05 2002 (#1046)

Hi everyone,
I dont know why but for a few days now Ive been worried about nothing. I have nothing to worry about but I have this tence feeling in the bottom of my stomch that wont go away. Its worse when Im on my own but there really is no reason what so ever. Im really happy at the moment and its been a long time scince I felt this good about life and I have one person in particular to thank for that :) and thank you to everyone else who has been so good to me for a while now. Its 5 in the morning now so I think I should go to bed. Its will be dark again by the time I wake up.
Thanks for listening and take care,
phil x

Re: everything and nothing
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Feb 25 15:35:10 2002 (#1048)

Hi phil. its amz i hope you dont mind me readin you post, i was just worried about you i guess, im glad that you and jo are doing good you know and im sorry i was being negative about it before, maybe the worry isnt anything is particular just you haveing to adjust to thigs that are new? i get worried for no reason a lot, maybe thats my parinoia kickin in tho lol.#
Take care im here if you need me
amz xx

I've had enough
Posted by kae on Mon Feb 25 10:42:55 2002 (#1047)

Today was really bad...I haven't had a day like this in a while now.
I was sitting in my Classics class. All day I had been fine. In fact, I'd just had history in the same class with the same teacher the period before, and I'd been my usual hyper self. But then, in Classics, listening to my teacher talk about Alexander the Great fight at the Granicus River...something snapped. I started thinking about life...my life...and wondering if I would ever become someone....ever get anywhere....ever succeed....and suddenly, all I could see was failure. It was as though Truth had walked in and stuck its ugly face in mine. I couldn't concentrate on the lesson. I wanted to cry, I felt heavy and depressed. All I could think was, "I have to die...I have to kill myself. I'm going nowhere, I'm Nobody, Nothing." I've thought about suicide before...but not like this. Suddenly it was my only solution, the only right thing I had going for me.
And here I am, stuck in the middle of a class, frozen by the desperation to die.
When the class ended I was still numb and aching with emotion. I sat in the senior common room for a while...amid the voices of my friends, the music, the laughter and fun. I couldn't stand it. I left and spent lunchtime in the toilets, cutting my arm. But I kept getting distracted by the constant coming and going of other students (even though I was in a cubicle) and I couldn't cut deep enough to satisfy...
It was a really bad day. I still feel bad. I came home and spent the afternoon holding a knife in a candle flame and then pressing it onto my fresh cuts. There's still an emptiness inside me...I might have to cut more before I can sleep tonight.

I want to die...how bad can suicide be? Sure, some people might be upset but I won't be around to feel guilty. Life goes on...I'll be forgotten.

Nothing is ever going to get any better. I'm a failure.

kae

Re: I've had enough
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Feb 25 16:02:08 2002 (#1050)

hey, you sounded likeyou needed to talk i just wanted to say i dont have any experience with cutting and whatever but i really feel for those who feel the need to cut i have fucked up many ofmy friendships cause i was too narrowminded to understand (jes,phil, emm etc etc all people who post here) but i really and truellythink that youshould think about this seriously as it might sound like a solution but im sure things could work out, is there anyone at home you could t talk to? or if not mail me (if you want to) i would love to try and work this thru with you. take care of yourself and please dont hurt yourself as much as is possible there are many people who although u dont know it at the moment love you and care for you maybe there too scared to approch you with this as i was myself.
Take care
Please mail if you need to talk anytime.
Amz xxx

oh i fucked up big time!
Posted by Star (amz ) on Mon Feb 25 15:57:37 2002 (#1049)

Well as everyone can see Jes and Phil are the people involved in what i posted b4 silly me i thought they didnt come here, or jes anymore and i thought i wouldnt cause shit as usual backfired!. I dont really know what to do ive mailed both jes and phil and asked for them to forgive me for causing shit and asking to be freinds again but have as yet heard nothing back so im quite worried that is in effect a no fuck offkinda message, also myparents eve is tommozwhich i forgot about and i hope its ok as i cant deal with any more shit!.

sorry for that rant needed to vent i guess
thanks for listenin
Amz x

I'm getting worried
Posted by erica on Wed Feb 27 16:19:48 2002 (#1054)

Hi all,
Here's the problem.
Lately I don't want to eat. I mean I haven't since early november, but I was still pushing myself to eat. My mom is suspicious of my meds(neurontin, effexor, seroquel, and resperidal). Anyways lately now though I am eating hardly anything, even when I am hungry. Like yesterday, I only ate a yogurt, banana, and a thing of easy mac. After I ate the easy mac I felt really guilty. The only reason I ate at all was because my roommates were home. But today my goal is to eat even less. I've starved myself before, but this is differant. I've gone to a bunch of pro-ana websites to get ideas on how not to eat. And I walk everywhere. Last night I started running up and down the stairs.
I talked with a friend of mine who is a doctor. He told me to make out a schedule of when to eat, and when to exercise. I'm totally o.k. on the exercise part, but not on the eating. But he does not think this is anything to worry about, or that my meds are the problem. I also talked it out with my mom, she wants me to see a dr. and try and eat. Well I'll only eat negative calorie foods.
just to note. the seroquel has taken away the need to cut, so I have only cut once since november.
Any input would be welcome.

Erica

Re: I'm getting worried
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 1 01:33:28 2002 (#1063)

Hey Erica,
I'm getting worried too. I don't have much
experience with someone not eating, but I hope
you take your mom's advice and see a nurtrional
doctor. It just sounds like the start of something
I don't want to see you get to much more involved
with. Please let me know if I can help you in any
way. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

it's soo wierd
Posted by erica on Wed Feb 27 20:31:01 2002 (#1055)

Hi All,
Oh man, I am feeling soo distant right now. It's starting to feel the same way as it used to when I cut. I started to panic just a bit ago, so I went to the book store here at the college to see what they had in the way of knives. It's wierd. I found a small utility knife and exacto knife out, while all the cooking knives are under lock and key. And they sell band aids. But they don't sell razor blades, which is okay, since I don't use razor blades. I just found it wierd that some blades were out, while others were locked up. Don't worry, if I cut, I will go to the health center if I need to.

Erica

Re: it's soo wierd
Posted by ...CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs... on Wed Feb 27 21:04:39 2002 (#1056)

be careful honey
love roses and empathy
¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸

Re: it's soo wierd
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 1 01:29:48 2002 (#1062)

Please be careful Erica. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

grr
Posted by ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Wed Feb 27 21:05:10 2002 (#1057)

i am pissed off

Re: grr
Posted by kae on Thu Feb 28 04:13:23 2002 (#1058)

why?

Re: grr
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Mar 1 01:28:46 2002 (#1061)

You okay Crims? Anything I can do to help? You
know I will if I can. Let me know honey.
Love, Rhonda

should I talk to her??
Posted by kae on Thu Feb 28 11:24:02 2002 (#1059)

I posted on here a while ago about this girl at school who also 'cuts'. Shes two years younger than me, which is how old I was when I started cutting. However, shes making sure that absolutely everyone knows about her. She wears short sleeved tops, doesn't lie when people ask, and positions her arms so that everyone can see her 'cuts'. She even gave a bunch of 'bloodied' shaver blades to a girl in my year, saying that she wanted her to get rid of them. As a result of all this publicising, shes got all sorts of people worrying over her.
I finally got an eyeful of her arm today. Shes got quite a few thin scratches all over her arm, the kind that can only be made with the really fine blades in shavers. She also had a square gauze dressing plastered onto her arm. That part surprised me...but looking at the rest of her arm, I doubt its anything serious.

Anyway...I was just wondering if I should go talk to her myself. All the people shes got hovering over her at the moment are ones who make her worse, because they give her too much attention. They are people who don't understand cutting. The only thing thats stopping me from talking to her is the fact that shes friends with my sister...and she'd probably want to tell my sister what I said. (my sister doesn't know about me). I don't know if I should risk it...although I want to talk to this girl and help her see that cutting ISN'T a good idea...I can't risk my sister finding out.

What do you guys think???

Re: should I talk to her??
Posted by Star (amz ) on Thu Feb 28 11:45:41 2002 (#1060)

Hi, well personally i think maybe it would be a good idea as the prople around her are probably not helping her very much at the moment as they seem to givin her attention but in the wrong way, so i think yeah u should b discreet but ask if she needs to talk and ask why she does it, Take care Amz x also u are a very special person to want to discuss this with her and help you are obviously very caring.