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Threads 26 to 50

cruel world
Posted by kae on Fri Dec 7 09:31:15 2001 (#85)

yesterday i spent three hours making a statement with the cops. the bastard who raped my friend has attacked a total of SEVEN other girls...just not to the same extent. hes been banned from returning to school next year...everything is slowly being sorted out.

but the fuckwit is still denying rape. FUCK I HATE HIM. hes been talking to the principal, who knows the truth, and hes saying stuff like "theres no proof im guilty, you cant prevent me from going back to school". shithead.

FUUUUUUUUCK I HATE EVERYTHING
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

i hate him so fucking much, how the fuck does he keep breathing, knowing what hes done....how the fuck is he able to live on earth. why the fuck are there people like this in our world????

fuck everything

kae

Re: cruel world
Posted by Maggie on Sun Dec 9 06:58:10 2001 (#105)

Hey Kae,
Sorry I haven't emailed in a while.
I'm so glad that the first steps towards justice has finally begun. I hate the shithead as well! Has M. made a statement yet? Does she intend to?
I think you have heaps of guts doing what you did...you are also a great friend to M.
Take care. Thinking of ya!
Hugs, Maggie.

Re: cruel world
Posted by kae on Sun Dec 9 09:21:52 2001 (#106)

thanks maggie....hope you're enjoying everything over there!
she wants to give the statement, but she isnt fully capable of it yet...she still needs to recover. thank god the other statements have been done...thats something at least.
keep in touch

kae

Re: cruel world
Posted by jue on Fri Dec 7 11:57:53 2001 (#87)

what a fucker!!!!!!

Re: cruel world
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 17:11:27 2001 (#91)

there are so many creul people in the world. I am sorry that this had to happen to you..

my love

Aukee

Re: cruel world
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Fri Dec 7 22:05:48 2001 (#96)

i really hope that guy gets what he deserves...how the hell could he deny something like that...what an ass...grrr

why am i so messed up?
Posted by jue on Fri Dec 7 11:57:22 2001 (#86)

i got on the esclator today in the mall, and was soo terrefied. it was like i was on a staircase that wasn't supposed to be moving and i got really really scared. i don't know what is wrong with me, i feel like i am changing and becoming scared of everything. i don't know what to do...it is like i am becoming really delusional. here's one thing i know, if everyone hated me...i wouldn't ever feel guilty.

Re: why am i so messed up?
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 16:47:15 2001 (#90)

i know JUST how you feel. I was walking home from a friends house the other day, and it was dark out, and i was scarred of every shadow, i was scared that every car was going to hit me, everytime i passed a .... a pole that holds wires and lights, im an idiot right now and i cant recall what they are called, but... every time i passed one of those i was SURE it was going to fall on me. every dog could jump the fence, when i was walking on the side walks, i was SURE i was going to trip over an edge and fall flat on my face, there was ALWAYS an invissable man walking behind me that was going to get me.. haha, so i feel your pain,..

good luck

aukee

Re: why am i so messed up?
Posted by cindy on Fri Dec 7 23:35:21 2001 (#98)

I sympathise as well...when I'm really down I get the most irrational fear in which I feel as though there's always someone watching me in my room or wherever so I constantly have to reesure myself by checking behind doors, under beds etc. it really sucks but I haven't had it for a while which is a good thing...I suppose as long as you understand that you shouldn't be frightened of escalators or whatever then you can keep it all in check. take care. cindy xox

Re: why am i so messed up?
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Sat Dec 8 15:34:05 2001 (#103)

I get like that sometimes, I have paranoia attacks and I just get scared at everything, but most of the time Im okay with things like that, Im braver than my friends anyway lol.. none of them would come and sit in a graveyard with me at 2 in the morning!
but hey, it'll be alright hun, if you go see your doctor he'll/she'll get you some pills to calm your nerves.. they work.
Hope everythings okay
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArS

just a question
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 18:59:56 2001 (#93)

dose anybody here have an eyebrow ring. Well i just want to know if YOURS ripped out too,. mine just did, and it makes me so angry, its not like it got caught on anything, but it like, slowly worked its way out of the skin.. and its really CRAPPY, becuase now i have a big hole in my head, i mean, i dont mind the scars on my legs and arms, but.... i DONT want on in my HEAD.. well , i have an appointment with my Dr today to get a referal to a plastic surgeion, so i wount have a miny grand canyon on my eyebrown.. thanks for listening..

Aukee.

Re: just a question
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Sat Dec 8 10:20:28 2001 (#102)

yep... my uncle is a piercer he pierced my eyebrow and it grew out the first time and the second time but I had a scar there anyway from running into a wall, let it heal you'll hardly see it when its healed properly if its gone like mine did.
Love always
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: just a question
Posted by Alana on Sat Dec 8 18:59:03 2001 (#104)

REJECTION! Thats what its called when a piercing pushes itself out from the skin. Its never happened to me, but I know people who have had it happen. Don't worry, you can always get it done again, or get a piercing somewhere else....like your twat. Hahahaha.

Alana

Re: just a question
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Fri Dec 7 22:08:31 2001 (#97)

i really wanted to get one of them...hmm now i will re think it..hehe, but good luck with eveything!

Re: just a question
Posted by Aukee on Sat Dec 8 01:29:46 2001 (#99)

eh.. well at about 2:00 today, i had to go to the PLASTIC SURGEON, and i had a chunk of my eye brow taken out, than my eye brow was sewn back together,... what fun huh?

lol

well i will talk to you later!

Aukee

to Wulff
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 19:03:27 2001 (#94)

hey i have an idea, because this time thing REALLY gets me messed up, could you possibly make it so we can change the time to our own oh... oh whats the word.... oh no... time zone, there we go, sorry about that. because when im here posting at like 8:00 at night, it says i am posting at like 3:30 in the morning.. so just an idea.. thanks!!!

Aukee

hey
Posted by elle on Sat Dec 8 03:19:20 2001 (#100)

so whats up with colin? i noticed that in passing. i started back on my meds this week, i like the way they make me feel cause i feel dizzy and naescous all the tiime so i dont ever feel like eating. i have had the hiccups for like hours and they are just not going away. so annoying so annoying.

laters. ~elle~

Re: hey
Posted by Nuni and Maggie on Sun Dec 9 22:36:41 2001 (#118)

Hi.
How have you been girl? Colin is doing fine in the military and you will notice further down the page that he checked in here recently.
Glad the meds are okay...what type are they?
As for hiccups... one way to get rid of them (most of the time) is to massage the skin area between the thumb and index finger. Nuni did it the other day and it worked instantly.
Once I tried the suggestion drinking a glass of water standing on my head, and it worked after I fell down laughing.

Have fun.
Luv Us.

old poem i found
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Sat Dec 8 06:01:55 2001 (#101)

this is an old poem i found. i forget where i got it from and who wrote it, but if you really think about the words it really is a great poem

She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He'd break her spirit down
Then come loving up on her
Give a little, then take it back
She'd tell him about her dreams
He'd only shoot them down
Lord he loved to make her cry
"You're crazy for believing you'll ever leave the ground,"
He said, "Only angels know how to fly."

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
And with a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man, you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning, she didn't go to church
He wondered why she didn't leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtain blowing in the breeze

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
And with a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man, you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man, you ought to see her fly

Re: old poem i found
Posted by Nuni and Maggie on Sun Dec 9 22:33:29 2001 (#117)

Hey thanks for sharing that. I think many of us can relate to some of those words. Isn't it a song rather than a poem?
It's really good nonetheless.

Hugs,
Us.

Re: old poem i found
Posted by Aukee on Mon Dec 10 18:16:48 2001 (#120)

if you wrote that, you deserve the pulitzer prize or something, gosh that is amazing, do you mind if i copy it for my OpenDiary?

AMAZING POME!!

aukee

Re: old poem i found
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Mon Dec 10 23:13:39 2001 (#123)

no i didnt write it, i just found it in some of my old stuff..

bad news
Posted by cindy on Sun Dec 9 19:41:28 2001 (#110)

one of my close friends just told me there's a distinct possibility that he might be seriously ill-so ill that he could be dying. so much for me climbing out of any hole of shit-I';m sure someone keeps throwing these things at me on purpose. so now i'm lost and totally upset I just dont know what to say to him...I love him so much if he died I just dont know what I'd do. cindy xox

Re: bad news
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Sun Dec 9 19:48:55 2001 (#111)

there is not really anything you can say to someone that might be dying, just be there for him as much as you can. snd spend some great time with him. i'm sorry you are going through all this and i hope everything works out babe!

Re: bad news
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Sun Dec 9 21:33:45 2001 (#113)

yeah.. spend some time with him, make sure he knows that your there for him, have faith in him and help him to have faith in himself, if you do that at least... IF he does die.. then you believed in him and he believed in himself, its a better feeling than not believing, losing hope and giving him.
Stay strong beautiful, I hope things are ok.
Love you,
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: bad news
Posted by Nuni and Maggie on Sun Dec 9 22:28:39 2001 (#116)

Just tell him you love him, and that you will be there for him. No matter how tough things get for you, it will mean a lot to him. Look after yourself too though.
We hope that he is okay...

Hugs,
Us.

Re: bad news
Posted by Aukee on Mon Dec 10 18:18:28 2001 (#121)

if he is sick, the only thing to do is not feel bad for yourself.. feel for him, and dont feel bad for him, but make his remaining monthes/years/days as happy as they can possibly be,

Good luck

Aukee

It's been a long time since I've been to psyke..
Posted by laura rose on Sun Dec 9 21:14:55 2001 (#112)

I don't know if anyone I used to talk to is still here, but I was on the old board for over a year. I'm 24, and have cut for about 8 years now.

I'm doing much better. I finally got divorced... I'm working in Seattle now... and I have a good boyfriend who loves me and understands me. Even kissed my scars the first time we met.

Some of you may remember Delerious Butterfly... aka, Lori. She's still my best friend, and she's doing well.

I'm not cutting as often as I used to, but still every once in a while.

I hope all of you are well. Maggie isn't here, is she? Or Nuni? I doubt it. Any way... take care everyone.

~laura rose

Re: It's been a long time since I've been to psyke
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Sun Dec 9 21:38:08 2001 (#114)

i miss seattle so much...sorry just wanted to say that...ha...umm i think both nuni and maggie are still here

Laura...WELCOME BACK!
Posted by Nuni and Maggie on Sun Dec 9 22:26:43 2001 (#115)

Of course we remember you... and of course we're still visiting this place.

In fact Maggie is in USA staying with Nuni in San Diego. We were just reminising about how the board used to be with you, DB, Lost, Melissa, Dark Rose, and Linda. What a great coincidence that you drop by.
Hope you hang around for a while, we miss your great poetry and honesty.
Great to hear that you are still with Hersch and that you've got on with your life.
We miss you,
Hugs, Maggie and Nuni.

Re: Laura...WELCOME BACK!
Posted by laura rose on Mon Dec 10 00:31:13 2001 (#119)

Nuni & Maggie...
Hi... good to see people I know here. Do you know whatever happened to Neal? I wrote him, but have heard nothing. He is/was a good friend, and I'm afraid that something has happened to him. Ugh... any way... Maggie, how do you like California? I've been trying to get Lori to move/visit up here for a while now, but she hasn't come yet.

Actually... the reason I stopped by here is because Linda IM'd me and told me there was a new board.. So I thought I'd see it with my own eyes. Looks a lot less dramatic then it was... good thing.

I know I started a lot of shit at the old board.. I don't plan to do that here. I'm tired of that stuff. I've done a lot of changing. I don't know how often I will post. I may just lurk... who knows.

Take care everyone...
~laura

Re: It's been a long time since I've been to psyke
Posted by Aukee on Mon Dec 10 18:28:17 2001 (#122)

hey its great that your back. ,im sure you remember me, im the one that we had the HUGE tiff on back on the old board, But it seems like we both have changed. so that wont happen again.. it was pretty stupid that we got in a fight, over nothing.. so I am sorry, its like, almost a year later, But apologise (cnt spl) come at any time and shape.

well its great that you are back, and you are lucky that you found a great guy.

love

Aukee

want to cut
Posted by pink girl on Tue Dec 11 00:30:18 2001 (#124)

i just really want to cut really bad. no reason really, which is frustrating, as i have no excuse to do it.
is this really sick? i dunno. sometimes i feel im addicted to doing it.
please nobody crit me for wanting to do it for no reason. i already know its completly messed up.
sorry.

Re: want to cut
Posted by pink girl on Tue Dec 11 00:30:59 2001 (#125)

sorry. i shouldnt have written that
please just ignore me.

just being really stupid - sorry - ignore me!
Posted by pink girl on Tue Dec 11 00:45:06 2001 (#126)

well there are reasons really. they just seem so small and perthetic and no reason whatsoever to do it. they are just building up and getting on top of me and i know that i am not going to be able to cut over christmas so that is a pressure im gonna have to face when i go home in two weeks, and loads of other stuff just there in my brain, making a mess.
really sorry for waisting peoples time.

Re: just being really stupid - sorry - ignore me!
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Tue Dec 11 01:40:58 2001 (#128)

you have not wasted anyones time. its good to just come here to vent. your not sick or messed up because you want to cut or cut for no reason. there have been tons of time that i have cut for no apparent reason. and about the little things getting to you that happens to everyone, i can totally relate to that. one time the background to my computer got fucked up and i already had so much on my mind, that that was just the last straw i flipped, and cut and i couldnt stop crying. things like this happen to everyone...

Re: just being really stupid - sorry - ignore me!
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Dec 11 04:20:42 2001 (#132)

You're not wasting anyone's time and you're not
being stupid. Something must have been bothering
you to write. Sometimes Tara would cut just because she was bored, but that was in the beginning. I won't ever get onto anyone for cutting cause I know ya'll do that for reasons I
will never understand, but I will always worry
about everyone and I hope ya'll understand me for
that. It's just the "mom" in me. You take care of
yourself and write me if you ever feel like
talking.
Love, Rhonda

Re: just being really stupid - sorry - ignore me!
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 11 11:46:49 2001 (#141)

awww sweetheart!
your not being silly at all!!! we are here to listen, I get like that all the time, I feel like shit for no reason and end up cutting or crying uncontrollably, its weird but it happens to the best of us, cheer up mwah xxx!!
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeARs

Re: want to cut
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:12:10 2001 (#159)

you want to cut because cutting is an addiction. its the same as smoking, or drinking, but many feel it is harder to kick.

good luck

Aukee

opinions please
Posted by elle on Tue Dec 11 00:55:35 2001 (#127)

what do you think? if someone makes you do something you dont really want to do but they dont force you to do it, more like if you dont the consequeces will be worse and you do it is that harrasment? or like abuse..not rape, but or sex, but close? i dunno...its been bothering me, but it was my choice and things like this always happen with me so somehow its always my fault for letting it happen and letting myself get put in those situations. dunno...

Re: opinions please
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Tue Dec 11 01:43:49 2001 (#129)

it has to be some sort of abuse or harrasment...just please try not to let people walk all over you in that way...just try and say no...i know its hard but in the long run it will help a lot babe

Re: opinions please
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Dec 11 04:15:04 2001 (#131)

In a way, it's still being forced on you. You just
don't realize it. Please be careful about things
like that. I worry about you. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: opinions please
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 11 11:23:44 2001 (#138)

hey sweetheart,
Please be careful, doesn't sound too good, don't let ANYONE walk all over you, stand up to them, put them back into their place, you will find that if you learn to do that, then you will gain ALOT more self-respect, and confidence, its worth it in the end, you don't have to feel guity, or shitty about what others are doing to you, its them that should feel bad for pressuring you into something that you don't feel 100% comfortable with, unless you are 100% sure, DONT DO IT.
Im not saying that you are feeling guilt, but if you are, DONT, its not your fault.
anyway sweetheart,
Hope you are okay, and take care.
post back and let us know how things are.
Love as always.
CriMsOn*TeArs

Re: opinions please
Posted by jue on Tue Dec 11 23:56:11 2001 (#145)

Elle

i don't know your situation, but from what i gathered i have been plagued with the same thoughts. some shit happened to me that i feel i could have stopped but i didn't so i can't justify it as abuse, or harrassment, anyway what i have found out is that i truly didn't realize what it meant and the consequences., such as how i would feel afterwards and what not. yes you could say it was my "choice" but i don't think it was a choice that i was aware of what i was really choosing. i don't really know...but if you feel that it was wrong... i think that would be a flag that tells you that you didn't "choose" the situation. i don't know. i am probably making no sense, but anyways.

take care...julie

Re: opinions please
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:11:13 2001 (#158)

you know my view on that particular topic.

Aukee

lyrics i really like
Posted by *me* on Tue Dec 11 03:24:31 2001 (#130)

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

Re: lyrics i really like
Posted by Maggie on Tue Dec 11 09:04:26 2001 (#135)

I love that song too!!! Wow... I wonder if he was a cutter at one point?

Re: lyrics i really like
Posted by kae on Tue Dec 11 10:18:55 2001 (#136)

its called 'superman' by Five for Fighting. i posted some of the lyrics on the old psyke board. its huge here in new zealand at the moment.....i love it!!!

kae

Re: lyrics i really like
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:10:40 2001 (#157)

i dont know where thats from... But it sounds so powerfull, where is it from?

Aukee

Re: lyrics i really like
Posted by *me* on Thu Dec 13 23:17:33 2001 (#199)

It's called Superman by the group Five for Fighting (I'm pretty sure that's what it's called).

Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so soon
Posted by laura rose on Tue Dec 11 07:46:38 2001 (#133)

When I sent that post the other day, I didn't really intend to post anything. Well, I suppose I was wrong. I've been on some different meds lately... paxil, prozac.. lamictal... I don't know what else. Any way... It's been a couple of months since I cut last.

I think I'm going to do it again. In fact, I know I'm going to.

My best friend hung herself last night. I went to work today and I couldn't stop crying... my boss basically told me not to lose it in the office.

Bitch...

Someone help me. Please.

~laura rose

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by Maggie on Tue Dec 11 09:02:37 2001 (#134)

Oh dear Laura!
I'm so sorry things have gone bad for you... but you have every right to post and seek comfort here, if it helps.
That's horrible about your friend... did she succeed or is she okay now? You boss is definately a b#@!h to treat you like that...
It must be a really rough time for you right now, but you should know that cutting can lead to a downward spiral. If you do it, you may not stop doing it for a long while. My only advice is that anything can seem better the next day, and so maybe re-evaluate your decision to cut after a good sleep.
Email me if you wanna talk more.
Luv Maggie.

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 11 11:36:57 2001 (#140)

Oh Laura!
I am so sorry that things have gone like this, you poor thing :(
Please try and stay strong, is your friend okay?.. or not :(?..
I hope things pick up abit, it sounds like you've got it pretty bad at the moment, your boss sounds like an inconsiderate b!*£ch, does she know whats happened?.. Don't let shallow minded fuckwits like that get to you sweetheart, don't give them the pleasure.
Please, try and stay strong, you've done so well for not cutting in a while, keep it up, think hard about it, before you do it, and maybe.. just maybe it will work.
Take care darlin'
Post back, let us know how things are.
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArs

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by Nuni on Tue Dec 11 19:42:48 2001 (#144)

Laura,
I am sorry things took a bad turn. Please think about how long and how well you have been doing. Like Maggie said "re-evaluate". We care about you and want you to know that we are concerned about your possible relapse. Its completely natural to feel HORRIBLE!! Please keep coming back to post, you are not alone. HUGE HUGS!!
Nuni

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by jue on Wed Dec 12 00:01:47 2001 (#146)

careful sweetheart...this is not your fault...your boss is definitely the bitch here. i agree with others about re evaluating...but if you do just be careful and realize that it isn't the end. it is just a bump on the road:0
take care laura....hugs:) julie

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Wed Dec 12 00:24:49 2001 (#147)

im hope everything works out for you...about your best friend...i'm not sure if she did pass away...you didnt say. but i lost my best friend in june, she killed herself...i cry almost everyday, i will never forget her, but even though i miss her so much and i know many others do, she was not happy here at all. she had a horriable life...if you ever need to just talk about anything please email me

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 12 02:07:16 2001 (#150)

oh, i am so sorry.
really

Re: Sorry, I never thought I'd be needing you so s
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:09:55 2001 (#156)

its a terrible time for someone so close to you to leave you.. but the pain only makes you stronger.. I dont know what to say, because i have never been in your situation, all i can do is give you my condolences, and pray that you are safe tonight, while you cut to help your self.

love

Aukee

Aukee's site
Posted by kae on Tue Dec 11 10:24:52 2001 (#137)

has anyone else seen the pictures on aukee's site? i did....most were off the old psyke board, which i didnt mind....but NOTHING prepared me for the last page. not even the warning - i thought it just meant it was a gross cut or something. that picture has haunted me ever since....

please could u change the warning to 'dead girl' or something?? i cant believe how graphic it was...and how the hell did u get that pic anyway? can i ask who the girl is? her age, etc? how u knew her?

luv, kae

Re: Aukee's site
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 11 11:30:57 2001 (#139)

I dont think that picture looks real at all, I just checked it out, it looks like some kinda sculpture, plastic even
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArs

Re: Aukee's site
Posted by Melz on Tue Dec 11 16:52:56 2001 (#142)

wow. I wish that was me.

Re: Aukee's site
Posted by chris on Tue Dec 11 19:37:47 2001 (#143)

yeah, i should warn you ahead of time. (very) dead guy at the link.

originally, stuff like this turned me off to suicide (at least, suicide with a gun.) then i realized that at that point, it really doesn't matter.

anyway, unless the other picture was a much smaller bullet, and the body was cleaned up, then it was fake... of course, those are both very possible. or something.

Re: Aukee's site
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Wed Dec 12 00:27:31 2001 (#148)

i stared at that pic for like ever...ahh its horriable...

yeah, that pic is REALLY REALLY freaky
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 12 02:08:56 2001 (#151)

the Pic
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:05:35 2001 (#153)

hey, well i am sorry for those who i offended.. i know the picture is really shocking.. very .. ik guess i didnt post a good enough warning, because i .. i am like, immune to those pictures. they dont effect me, i mean they do, but looking at a picture of someone with a hole in their head, is just the same to me as seeing that same girl smileing while holding a bubbling puppy with a big bright red bow around its neck. I will change the warning to something .... More "warning" like...

THanks

Aukee.

Re: the Pic
Posted by shingo on Wed Dec 12 06:30:21 2001 (#162)

Wow, really? A girl with a bullet in the head is the same for you as with a puppy and a bow in her hair? Yikes.

I'd rather see the puppy and the bow. I mean, not that I'm real big on seeing either image.

Re: the Pic
Posted by chris on Wed Dec 12 08:38:55 2001 (#164)

depending on your point of view, the chick with the bullet in the head is better off. the little girl with the puppy still has to live.

also, perhaps it's a happier picture, but eventually you have to stop looking at pictures and realize that you're still alive and images of little girls with puppies and bows isn't going to change your life. neither, probably, is a picture of suicide, but it's a bigger drop from puppies to reality than it is from suicide to reality.

-chris

Re: the Pic
Posted by tawnia on Wed Dec 12 09:01:20 2001 (#166)

Chris, you know I love you, but I have to COMPLETELY disagree with your view that the girl with a bullet in her brain is better off. Really, the 2 girls - the one with the puppy and the other with the bullet - are the two extremes of the spectrum and I wouldn't want to be either of them. The girl with the puppy conjures up images of naivety (and who wants to be naive?), while the one with the bullet is fucking DEAD. The first girl still has the chance to grow up and learn things about life. However, even though she's naive now, more likely than not, things will happen to her that will make her less naive. The chick who put a hole in her head, on the other hand, has NOTHING. No chance to experience life or for things to get better. Most people fall somewhere between these two extremes and are better off for it. I also think the median is the closest thing to reality, not suicide. If that was true, then why don't we all say fuck it and just kill ourselves? Because, no matter how much we hurt and wish our pain would go away, there's that part of us that has things to live for and appreciates being alive. And things can always get better.

I'm grrrr'ing at you, mofo

(yeah.....kind of just random ranting...sorry all)

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

Re: the Pic
Posted by chris on Wed Dec 12 09:08:26 2001 (#167)

what happens a century from now? what is the girl with the puppy going to have that the girl with the hole in her head doesn't? more skin on her corpse? a tombstone that's less aged? the truth is, it really doesn't matter if we all kill ourselves. we miss the joy, we miss the pain. it's a matter of (like i said.. you did notice the "point of view" prefix, didn't you?) your point of view. either way, we're going to die. those who care about us, are going to die. our puppies are going to die. i'm not advocating suicide. i'm just saying... it depends on how you look at life. there's a lot of good stuff, and a lot of bad stuff. honestly, i felt sad when i looked at the girl with the hole in her head. i felt like she could have been loved, and made to feel happy, and then maybe her life wouldn't have been wasted. but, it was her decision.

if nothing else, the suicide chick is a lot more interesting to look at than a damn puppy.

and i knew you were going to be positive and uplifting.

-chris

Re: the Pic
Posted by jue on Wed Dec 12 12:46:39 2001 (#170)

okay...sorry maybe this is completely something no one will agree with. but when i see the girl with the puppy i see innocense. and i don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. and sorry to anyone else but animals, dogs, especially are very important to me...and so when i see the girl and the puppy i think...damn right leave all the people and run away with your puppy. people are the fucked up ones, not puppies...and yes it does matter what happens in life. and i don't believe we all end up in the same place after death.

sorry my rant....just some thoughts...julie

Re: the Pic
Posted by shingo on Thu Dec 13 03:16:00 2001 (#182)

Lat year a friend of mine found a diary that belonged to a man who fought--and died--in the civil war. His thoughts were, at times, quite profound, and his small and simple observations about the beauty around him--in people and in his surroundings--were meaningful to me.

He's been dead now for well over a century, yet he continues to make an impression on the world. We all make impressions on the world, one way or another, and our impressions may last much, much longer than we do.

And yes, we all lose our lives--physically anyway--but I'm just selfish enough that I wanna find a way to enjoy mine as much and for as long as possible. Screw the things in the past that have gotten in my way. I'll get over 'em eventually. And then I think I'll be glad I didn't go the bullet route. It may just be one night when I'm at peace and watching the sun go down, it may be when I see some old building in Europe or something for the first time, but I bet it'll come.

I mean, the journey is as important as (if not more important than) the destination. I could be standing at the top of a big flight of stairs, and while I could fall all the way down them and get hurt pretty bad and groan over my broken bones and bloody body, I could also casually walk or run down them and maybe appreciate some stuff about the trip down--the old wood, the banister beneath my hand, the feeling of my legs doin' there job, and then move onto the next thing, unbroken.

I'd rather choose the latter cuz it just sounds like less of a hassle and more fun.

Re: Shingo
Posted by tawnia on Thu Dec 13 12:56:10 2001 (#190)

Shingo;

That has to be the most beautiful thing that I have ever read here. It was so incredibly eloquent and vivid, and I couldn't agree with you more. Sure, life has it's shit (and sometimes more than we think we can handle). But those moments, no matter how brief they are, when we can laugh and share and marvel are the true beauty of the world, I am greatful beyond words to be alive, to have the opportunity to experience everything this life has to offer. Granted, I've had a good share of pain and suffering (stuff I'm still trying to deal with), but I also have many great memories, and I know there's so much more I want to do. I want to travel, to become a journalist, to get married and have childern - my list is endless. My favourite place in the entire world is a beach at night, feeling the cool sand against my skin, listening to the soothing sounds of the waves, and looking up at the starry sky. I'm happy there, whether I'm alone or sharing it with someone, and when things get tough, I just close my eyes and dream about being there; it helps. But, yeah. Just wanted to let you know how moved I was by your post *hugs*

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

P.S. The Crow is an AMAZING movie, isn't it? One of my all time favourites, for sure :c)

Re: the Pic
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 15:05:31 2001 (#171)

well this may be short because i am kinda in the libary while i should be in class, so i am gonna write here till i get caught :)

the reason i said that seeing a girl and a puppy is the same thing to me as seeing a girl with a hole in her head, is becuase i am so exsposed to those type of things, it has happened to me so often, that i am just ammune to things that would normaly effect other people.. and also when i look at the girl with the hole in her head, i think (exscuse the self pitty) why cant that be me?? wht cant i have the chance to die. and i want to so bad, but i know, on the other hand, that i cant, because even though its killing ME to live here, if i was to leave, it would tear apart my family, and they have had enough to deal with already...

last night i had a dream, and the dream was SO vivid, it was so reall. I dreamt that my sister had offed herself with a bottle of pills, and in my dream i couldnt stop crying, i mean it was so real, i was probably crying in my sleep. I mean, it was like everytime that someone mentioned my sister or even something remotley to my sister, i would just colappse on the floor and start crying, and i know if my sister dying effected me like that, imaging if i died, and what my mother would have to deal with, and my father, and everyone else.. so i know now, that i cant die, because if i were to kill myself, i would be being selfish.. and i cant do that.. i cant do that to her.

shit
Posted by pink girl on Wed Dec 12 01:24:41 2001 (#149)

i just cut for the second time today after not cuting properly for over a month. and i dont feel anythingexcept anoyance and frustration that i really want to cut my belly but the scissors i am using dont open wide enough so am cutting my thigh instead.
sorry if that was too much info or anything.
love 'n' sad smiles
xxx

Re: shit
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:08:11 2001 (#155)

i know how it feels, when you havent cut in a while... it is just so hard to continue cutting .... and when you do, it just dosent seem quite right.... things will settle out...

here with you

Aukee

no title
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 12 02:12:53 2001 (#152)

yeah, the other day it was basically like give this guy oral sex or have my life become hell. so i chose the easy way out, but it was a choice. its not like he forced my head into his lap or raped me or anything, but i just feel like i cant get clean now. like i need to bathe in my own blood before i can be clean. its a wierd feeling. but i know i cant cut and that makes everything even worse.
i'm 18, its my choice, my life, so why do i always make bad decisions.

Re: no title
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 04:06:34 2001 (#154)

sweetie, im not going to beg you to tell anymore... this is something that happened to you, and only you can tell. good luck

Love you so much

Aukee

Chat Room
Posted by Linda on Wed Dec 12 05:26:46 2001 (#160)

Why is no one using the chat room? Or could it be that I just never come at the right time. I have only chatted in there one time and that was on a Sunday afternoon(Central Standard US time). I so enjoy chatting one on one. Please let me know if there is a regular time.

Re: Chat Room
Posted by chris on Wed Dec 12 08:43:07 2001 (#165)

i saw you come in and leave. the window was minimized though, and i didn't have a chance to say anything.

Re: Chat Room
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 15:07:12 2001 (#172)

the only time that i have actually chatted in there, is when me and Elle PLANNED to meet in there, and thats the only time i have ever chatted in there.. Chat rooms like that, are hard to use, becuase people are barley ever in there.

Love ya

Aukee.

Re: Chat Room
Posted by Erin on Thu Dec 13 02:41:29 2001 (#180)

can someone put a link to the chat room or something so I could get to it? (since I'm blocked from the actual site)

thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by laura rose on Wed Dec 12 05:53:20 2001 (#161)

Thanks for your posts, guys. Um... I did end up cutting.. but not bad. So everything is fine now. And as far as my friend goes... No, she didn't live. She hung herself.

Lol.. it's kind of weird.. I mean... I loved her. Maybe more than I should have. I have a boyfriend and everything.. and I will be with him till the end of time... but this girl... I really loved her.

Some of you who have been around for more than a year... You might remember Canada... Can we go there? I need to escape.

Maggie.. are you still in the states? You and Nuni can call me tomorrow if you want to... I will be at work from 8-5 or so. My work # is (206)694-6395. It's my personal line, so I'd answer. I don't know... just a thought.

Um.. has anyone heard from fran? Just curious.

Neal, where are you? My heart is aching for you... I love you... *hug*

Everyone else, take care... Augee.. I signed your guestbook.

Bye..
~laura rose

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 15:08:22 2001 (#173)

i remember Canada... Go there. be free. be Happy.

Aukee

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by Nuni on Wed Dec 12 18:13:44 2001 (#176)

Hi,
I guess its been a while since we went to visit Canada. MAggie? you are in a travelling mood, LETS GO!! Laura we are there... Love you!!
Nuni

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by jue on Wed Dec 12 22:26:03 2001 (#179)

what is with Canada?...i am there literally.

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by laura rose on Thu Dec 13 04:24:35 2001 (#184)

Well "Canada" started because I always wanted to live there, because that's where my favorite artist lives (Sarah McLachlan.... she's everything to me)... So all of the people from the old psyke board decided that we could "make up" Canada until we could live there for real.

We thought about how cool it would be if all of us SI'ers (and Linda) could get together and get a huge house on a large amount of property... We would all take care of eachother.. and be there for eachother. We each had our own room.. and we had animals. Um.. I can't remember who was going to do the laundry.. but I was going to have the horses, and I would clean. Everyone was going to have their own responsibilities. I think Nuni's room had bean bags. I had the CD collection (of course)....

I still think Canady could be possible for all of us. One day.

Love and light...
~laura
"Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds"

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Thu Dec 13 22:33:09 2001 (#194)

...canada sounds like a wonderful place...

Re: thanks... and a return to Canada...
Posted by *me* on Thu Dec 13 23:24:24 2001 (#200)

Hi Laura Rose! I wasn't around at Psyke when you used to post, but I began posting in like March or April of last year, so I've been around for a while! I remember hearing about you, and now I see you're back so I just wanted to say welcome back! And don't feel bad that you relapsed or whatnot, because I look as cutting as something that saves me every time I do it. So if you had to cut to keep yourself alive, then kudos to you!

Oh, and Elle told me about Canada a while back. I go there all the time! Great idea to have it. :-)

Lots of love, take care and stay safe!

quote
Posted by tawnia on Wed Dec 12 08:38:39 2001 (#163)

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this; I was just listening to the song and thought it was really pretty, so I decided to share it. It's from the song "It Can't Rain All The Time" by Jane Siberry and it's on the original Crow soundtrack. Anyways, here it is:

It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall
Your tears won't fall
Your tears won't fall
Forever

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

Re: quote
Posted by jue on Wed Dec 12 12:35:42 2001 (#168)

i really liked that. comforting. thanks.

Re: quote
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 15:10:05 2001 (#174)

i kinda interpret that in my own way. with the tears wont fall part.. i know that sometimes, and i know other people feel like this, the only thing i need is to have a real good cry, a really good one, but it is like i cant... i cant cry... its like sometimes i am in too much pain to cry.

love you, nice quote

aukee

Re: quote
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Wed Dec 12 21:58:47 2001 (#177)

i hate that feeling when you really need to cry but you really can't...but the second something sest me off, i start to cry and cant stop...if i am not crying i just feel emotionless...im not sure what feeling is worse

Re: quote
Posted by shingo on Thu Dec 13 04:27:36 2001 (#186)

I love that movie. Thanks for making me think about it. It inspires me.

from hazelden
Posted by jue on Wed Dec 12 12:38:06 2001 (#169)

okay...my therapist sent me this meditation...i really liked it...let me know what you think.
take care...hugs, julie
---------------------------- ----------------------

Today's thought is:
Vulnerability

"I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow
myself to be, the more in control of myself I really
am."
--Anonymous

Many of us feel that we can only show our strong,
confident side. We believe the face we have to show
to the world should always be one of politeness,
perfection, calm, strength, and control.

While it is certainly good and often appropriate to
be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side
to all of us--that part of us that feels needy, becomes
frightened, has doubts, and gets angry. That part of
us that needs care, love, and reassurance that things
will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us
vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs
our acceptance too.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us
build lasting relationships. Sharing our
vulnerabilities helps us feel close to people and
helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-
love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing
agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible
to others.

Today, I will allow myself to be vulnerable with
others when it's safe and appropriate to do so.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Re: from hazelden
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 12 15:11:35 2001 (#175)

Vonruhbility (haha!! nice spelling)

do you feel .... ok lemme try it this time.... Vonruhbul? hahaha, i suck.

byebye

Aukee

Re: from hazelden
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Wed Dec 12 22:01:48 2001 (#178)

hmm...i dont think i could do that...i dont let anyone on the other side of my wall...well i did once...then that person broke my heart and said i wasted his time with my problems...after he yelled at me in the first place for not being open enough with him...

Re: from hazelden
Posted by shingo on Thu Dec 13 04:26:34 2001 (#185)

I like that. I'm trying to get somewhere, and I think that learning to open up (if only to myself and my own feelings of fear and stuff) would be a step I'd like to take.

new life
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Thu Dec 13 03:06:43 2001 (#181)

okay well i am really going to try and put my life right, i need to, for me and the people that i love. well the last couple of months i have just been all depressed and crap, and have cut a lot. but i am stopping or at least trying. the last couple of months i have lost my best friend to suicide, gave up on my dreams(ballet, singing) i couldnt dance anymore because i couldnt hide the cuts anymore, and i was too depressed to care. i lost what i thought was my one true love but he turned out to be someone that didnt care about me at all...and he acted like that to me the whole time i was with him but i was too blind to see it, and in the past couple of months good stuff has happened too...my mom moved back in, i got a better group of friends, i got away from drugs, and i found just about the greatest guy ever. well now i am trying to patch everything up, even though i cry every night over mssing nina i have relized that it is okay to cry and i am always going to miss her. well tonight i started voice lessons up again and after the new year i am slowing going to try and get back into ballet, but im not sure if i can handle 4 hours a day 6 days a week just yet. i'm going to try and patch things up with my new boyfriend and actually let him get to know the real me... sorry i am just all about me right now...but i am really going to try...i really am...and if i fail i now know i can start all over again like i am now...im gonna have a new life...or at least try...thank you too everyone here...and sorry for this being sooo long.

Re: new life
Posted by shingo on Thu Dec 13 04:30:11 2001 (#187)

That's very cool. I wish you the best.

Re: new life
Posted by jue on Thu Dec 13 11:05:37 2001 (#188)

i am so proud of you..way to go....take care, julie

Re: new life
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 13 23:08:04 2001 (#195)

you know, that is really great. it is amazing that you are being so strong to do that... and you are just, amazing us all, good luck

Aukee

Re: new life
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Dec 14 01:04:28 2001 (#204)

I'm so proud of you!!!! It takes a lot of guts to
pick up and move on with your life when you're
hurting. I hope and pray life will continue to
get better and better for you. If you ever want to talk, you know how to get ahold of me. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

When I cry
Posted by Alana on Thu Dec 13 04:20:29 2001 (#183)

When I cry, when I am sad, I think of every awful thing I ever did. When I cry, there is no love, no there is nothing that can comfort me enough when I cry. Oh the salt inside my body ruins, everyone I come close to, my hands are barely holding up my head. I am so tired of looking at my feet, all the secrets that I keep, my heart is barely hanging by a thread. OH look at me, at all I've done, I've lost so many things that I've so dearly loved. I've lost my soul, I've lost my pride, oh I've lost any hope of having a sweet life, so I cry. I miss you all, I wish I was, with you now, I wish...I....was.

Re: When I cry
Posted by jue on Thu Dec 13 11:08:25 2001 (#189)

i don't know what to say here...that really made me feel for you. i hope you are all right. try to take care of yourself and remember that the past is past. we my not be able to make a new beginning but we can make a new ending....hugs...julie

Re: When I cry
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 13 23:09:00 2001 (#196)

thats a beautiful pome

oh no...i'm scared
Posted by jue on Thu Dec 13 21:15:33 2001 (#191)

the other night before i went to sleep i rolled over and felt a pain on my back. i went to the bathroom and found welts and cuts, just like razor blade ones. i have no recollection of doing this and i don't know where they came from. i am really scared...this has never happened before. i don't know what to do...?

Re: oh no...i'm scared
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 13 23:10:19 2001 (#197)

maybe you did it subconsisly?

Re: oh no...i'm scared
Posted by jue on Fri Dec 14 10:59:40 2001 (#211)

that is what i am afraid of...

depressed
Posted by Erin on Thu Dec 13 21:21:44 2001 (#192)

I know I dont really post here that much (barely at all) but I thought I'd write something. I've been kind of depressed all day. dont even know why... I hate that. tomorrow theres this field trip to this art museum for my computer class and none of my friends are in there and this one guy that really hates me will be there. he only hates me cause i kinda tortured him a little for hurting my best friend. oh well. I dont even know if I'd even cut myself. feel too depressed to even do that. either that or I'm too damn lazy.

anyways, can someone please post the URL or something to the chat room???? I asked this before and no one replied. thanks

Re: depressed
Posted by Butterfly on Thu Dec 13 22:19:38 2001 (#193)

http://www.psyke .org/chat/index.html

Re: depressed
Posted by Erin on Fri Dec 14 02:09:52 2001 (#206)

thanks

Re: depressed
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 13 23:11:15 2001 (#198)

if he hurt your best friend, than FUCK HIM!!!!!

aukee

i had a crappy day and am just venting
Posted by *me* on Thu Dec 13 23:40:13 2001 (#201)

This is a bad time...everything gets so worse around the holidays...every little thing sets me off and I just want to cut and bleed and cover my whole body until I'm bleeding and bruised! How sick does that sound? I totally wish I could.

Every little thing that has happened this week has like, embedded it into my brain and it's all I'm thinking about and I feel stupid and angry and I don't even know but I want to beat myself up - literally! ARRGGGGGGHHH. Listen to this: this is prolly one of the stupidest reasons I've ever cut ever in my whole life - the stupid fricken lunch lady yelled at me today for cutting bc I had a meeting I was trying to get to. And all I did all day was think about it. And I went to the bathroom TWICE to scratch up my arms bc I didn't have nething sharp I could take into a bathroom stall that would be clean that I could use. And all my mother and I've been doing is fighting. And I feel like such a stupid idiot! And I don't even know why! But I feel like everything I do is wrong and..I don't know! GOD I HATE this!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and then today in my theology class, there was this poster up from a person in another class's presentation. And what was it on? Depression and self-injury. And EVERYONE was looking at this poster (whoever did it found some good pictures). But, everyone in my class was so IGNORANT (which I expect, but I mean, it made me so mad.) One girl was like, "Why would you do that? It just makes you hurt more!" And everyone was like, "eww" "gross" - one of my friends just kinda winced and said "ow ow ow ow ow!" It was really awkward for me bc I didn't know how to react bc they don't know, and I'm not telling, but ya know??

OH, and my friend checked this book out of the library about cutting. It's called "Cut." It's like a young adult book, I don't know why she checked it out. It was really weird. She doesn't SI. It was SO weird.

Can't wait for break to start...can't stand people...I wish I could just stay locked in a room forever with no one there bc ppl mess up my life. Ppl just make you feel worse than you already do.

umm yeah...
Posted by *me* on Thu Dec 13 23:42:43 2001 (#202)

Sorry...just thought maybe the cutting thing w/ the lunch lady might be confusing...dunno if ne of u even read it or got thru it - sorry it was long. But I meant cutting as in, going in front of ppl in line. Soo..yeah..that's all..

Re: umm yeah...
Posted by jue on Fri Dec 14 00:24:41 2001 (#203)

lol... i wondered what that meant. i agree with you that people are ignorant but when they find out that someone close to them does it they totally change. i did a speech on self injury last year in my grade 12 english class. everyone was super cool and supportive and a lot of people came and asked me things about what they could do to help their own friends and also things about themselves. i also found out another girl was a cutter. it was really weird because she was someone i have known forever, but i wasn't really surprised. it made us closer though. anyway enough about me but i think it is safe to say that people do care...not everyone is a heartless bitch...but what do i know.

i just want to say take care....don't let the jerks in they don't deserve it...julie

Re: i had a crappy day and am just venting
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Fri Dec 14 01:41:21 2001 (#205)

i must agree people do make everything worse, but there is always that one person that can make everything all better. the thing about your friend checking out the "cutting" book does she know that you si? or maybe if she doesnt she might suspect that you do, and she is just trying to understand it better, i dont know...i hope that everything works out and i'll keep you in my prayers...email me if you EVER need to talk

Aukee
Posted by Erin on Fri Dec 14 02:14:03 2001 (#207)

I have these blocks on my name and I cant see what you wrote for some reason...I dunno why. thanks for replying..even though i couldnt see it. lol

Re: Aukee
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 14 21:02:37 2001 (#214)

well i hope you can read this.. If your parents know about your cutting, than ask them if they can fix the comp so you dont have any blocks, well good luck

Blessed Be

Aukee

Re: Aukee
Posted by Erin on Fri Dec 14 21:55:04 2001 (#216)

my parents dont know about my cutting..they're the reason i do it mostly