You are here: Home > Archive > Psyke.org Forum > Threads 1 to 25

Threads 1 to 25

Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by Morten Wulff on Tue Nov 27 13:33:00 2001 (#4)

Welcome to psyke.org...

As you can see, I finally got around to buying a domain for psyke and making the design a lot lighter. As always, comments and suggestions are welcome. Just drop me an email: wulff@psyke.org

I have upgraded the forum software - we now how the ability to deal with incidents (like the one involving Eddie Wood) a lot quicker. Also, I finally have time to hang around the forum more often, so we don't get into huge flamewars and such.

All messages from the old forum will be offline for a couple of days while I create a searchable archive of them. Please be patient ;-)

Also, I have added a search function that actually works (!) and a simple chat system - please let me know if you find problems with either ;-)

Love,
wulff

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by Linda on Thu Nov 29 23:11:22 2001 (#10)

Well, Morten. This looks real good! I have been coming here as a friend of "cutters" for quite a while. (Actually, as I recall there were only 60+ posts on the self-injury board then). It is good to see that you will be monitoring this site more. There have been a few times when we really needed your help. Thanks for providing a place for me to acquire some knowledge and understanding in this area. This has been a haven for many really needy people in the past and surely it will remain so in the future. Thanks for your hard work.

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by Nuni on Sat Dec 1 21:02:46 2001 (#15)

Hi,
I hope things go well around here. Oh and its good to know that there is someone beind this web site. i always checked to see the last update and it never changed. Thanks for making this available.

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 22:25:32 2001 (#27)

from the bottom of my heart
thank you for doing this
-KAT

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 5 23:02:51 2001 (#56)

this is awesome, though i must admit i am not to please with the password picture thing.. but, hey ill wait till i get my little password.

thanks

Aukee

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Thu Dec 6 01:04:22 2001 (#60)

how do you get the password?

Re: Welcome to the new Self Injury Forum
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:02:40 2001 (#70)

by emaiing the Wulf guy

wow
Posted by Strider on Tue Nov 27 19:22:13 2001 (#5)

Yup, I still check in every now and then. I think it's great this place has it's own domain now. And did you see the chat room? A great idea. So, I don't know how many people here actually were around way back when I was posting all the time, but I used to be here everyday. This place was like my home. I hope everyone here is finding it as helpful as I did! Later all.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: wow
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:16:34 2001 (#75)

hmmm, you're back.. Im sure you dont know who this is. but that is ok. are you really going to stay back, or are you going to leave us, again., just wondering

aukee

just saying hi
Posted by jes on Wed Nov 28 14:19:34 2001 (#6)

hey, this is cool, i haven't had a proper look around yet, and it'll take a bit of getting used to being used to the old one n all. but i think this is great.
xx

ehh...hello
Posted by kim on Wed Nov 28 21:49:47 2001 (#7)

just checking this place out...its alot different from the other one...its gonna take alot to egt used to...

This is new.
Posted by DyingtoDie on Wed Nov 28 23:37:06 2001 (#8)

Wow yeah this is new... I'ts great though... It has definelty changed, but it's nice... Take care all... Becky

Just saying hi
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Nov 29 01:43:14 2001 (#9)

This will be different but we'll get used to
it, hopefully. Take care everyone.
Rhonda

On The Edge
Posted by hughey on Sat Dec 1 03:52:41 2001 (#11)

i posted a couple of times before,but not at this new site. i have been cutting since high school i am now 28 years old, and i still cut even more than before. it has gotten much worse over the years, and i cant take much more. i am sooo depressed i think there is no hope for me. i am on depression medication, was in the psychiatric hospital for three weeks, and 24 hours a day all i can think of is dying. i feel as though my soul has died. my mind is numb i just want to jam a knife in my wrist as hard as i can and cut the artery. i'm sorry im rambling i just dont know ,i dont know anything anymore. my mind is a constant blur i am sick,i am trying to cry, i am losing hope -- hughey

Re: On The Edge
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Sat Dec 1 14:48:45 2001 (#13)

sweetheart, I think everyone here has felt this at some point, I really dont know what do say, there are times when all I want to do is end it all, but I flicker from being happy, to sad in the matter of minutes for no apparent reason,
Please stay strong, there are people out there that love you, people out there that care for you, dont end it, we all love you.. remember, if you feel like no one will listen/understand etc... come by here, we will always welcome you with open arms you know that, I hope things get better for you.. if you ever want to talk just mail me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
Love as always.
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: On The Edge
Posted by hughey on Sat Dec 1 20:17:10 2001 (#14)

thank you for saying people care about me but they dont. i talk to my parents and brothers twice a year maybe. i have a couple friends who would miss m, but the shape im in now it would be better if they didnt see me like this. last night i slammed a butcher knife against my forehead and got 23 stitches. i dont know what to tell people. maybe i should tell people the truth and let them think what they want. who gives a fuck. sorry this isnt very uplifting i am very depressed and lonely. hughey--literally on the edge

Re: On The Edge
Posted by jue on Sat Dec 1 21:06:12 2001 (#16)

be careful. even if your family doesn't care, i do. i wish i could just come and stay by your bed and hold your hand and tell you everything will be okay...but the fact is that i can't but i want you to know that i would. my heart is crying for you. i know, i have been there and i want you to know that there is hope. i am trying to send you my feelings through these words but it is hard. i just want you to know that there is love and please please remember that. i know it is tough, well beyond tough sometimes seemingly impossible but i want to be there for you. e-mail me if you want. i am here. love julie.

Re: On The Edge
Posted by pink girl on Sat Dec 1 23:24:15 2001 (#17)

Take Care of yourself.
even if you think no one cares about you, people on the board do!!!!
i hope things turn out with telling people about your forehead.
erm. i'm not much good at knowing what to say, but if you need to talk ur welcome to mail me.
look after yourself
love 'n' hugs
sarah
xxx

Re: On The Edge
Posted by CriMsOn* TeArS on Sat Dec 1 23:46:41 2001 (#20)

shit babes... please be careful :(
I know things are hard at times, but there is light, we are all here for you, just come and rant at us when your feeling low, everyone here will give all the help they can to try and pull you through this, we are all im similar situations, we are here for each other as a group to help life each other up when we are down, yes, it is very hard... but it helps knowing that there are people out there that are going through the same kind of shit, and know what its like, that other people may not know of.
Please be strong.
Love as always
CriMsOn* TeArS

Re: On The Edge
Posted by Rhonda on Mon Dec 3 01:31:03 2001 (#30)

People here care more than you realize. We hate
seeing you in pain like this and I hope you know
that you can always come here to let us know
you're hurting. If I could, I would give you a big
hug but this is the best I can do.
((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))) )))))))))))))))))))
If you ever feel like talking, just email me.
Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Hey people..
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Sat Dec 1 14:42:32 2001 (#12)

Hey everyone.. this new site is kool!!
Just posting to say hi really.. Im using CriMsOn*TeArS as my post name now instead of VäMpyRë§s...
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: Hey people..
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 22:22:11 2001 (#26)

hey there
how are you?
I saw that you posted something maybe a little upsetting to some people on the old psyke board..but I wasnt sure if you really! posted it
if you did I respect your feelings although if you didnt I would hate to think someones playing around w/ the names
love KAT

Re: Hey people..
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Mon Dec 3 00:40:11 2001 (#28)

Hey KAT
This is why I am posting as a different name now on here, starting afreash.. someone was copying my name and posting things from me, I would never dream of posting things like that, they were horrible, I did reply to the posts explaining that it wasn't me sending all the abuse, didn't anyone get that????
Love CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: Hey people..
Posted by kim on Mon Dec 3 01:12:52 2001 (#29)

today someone used your name and said something how we are all so annoying...i didnt think it was you, and i posted that i didnt think it was you

Re: Hey people..
Posted by Rhonda on Mon Dec 3 01:34:32 2001 (#31)

Have you found out who was doing that yet? It's
terible when someone takes your name from you to
use in such mean spirits. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: Hey people..
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Mon Dec 3 01:36:01 2001 (#32)

today?!??!?!?!! I havent checked.. hang on I'll look now.. GRRRR

Re: Hey people..
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Mon Dec 3 01:45:40 2001 (#33)

I just checked the old board.. that wasn't me.. I hate who ever is doing this :( please, if anyone does post things like that in the future with my name, dont think its me, cause I can assure you all that it wont be, Im not that cruel and shallow.
Love as Always
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: Hey people..
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Dec 4 00:44:32 2001 (#42)

I believe you. Sooner or later someone will find
out who is doing that. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: Hey people..
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Dec 4 02:13:47 2001 (#43)

Thanks Rhonda,
take care..
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArS

brain mess!
Posted by pink girl on Sat Dec 1 23:32:59 2001 (#18)

i really really wanted to post last night but my computer is playing up so much and i dont know what is wrong with it. so that is yet another frustration to have to deal with. and it was worse that i actually wanted to post too, but had to keep it all in my head. had to take a sleeping tablet in the end.
i'm just really down, for a change.
i was out with my friends but have come back early because they were really annoying me. they just said i was being a misery, which didnt help adn was determined i was going to cut when i got back (ive already gone into the loo and scratched my wrist with a paperclip end, cant really see any marks tho) but then i decided that i was going to cut if my computer didnt work, but thankfully it has done.
does anyone else do that? if something goes their way they dont cut, but if the opposite happens they cut? or is it just me and my twisted mind?!
im just fed up of being so down. why cant i just be happy?
i have come to the comclusion that i think too much, so i think it'll be the sleeping tablets again tonight.

i guess that's the end of my moan.
this new site is good. when its running properly the chat thing will be really good, but at the moment i am only the only one on when i look!
also i have changed my name to pink girl instead of sarah, because ive got this bookmarked, so just incase any one looks.
love 'n' hugs
sarah xxx

Re: brain mess!
Posted by kim on Sat Dec 1 23:42:44 2001 (#19)

i know what you mean by cutting if things get messed up, it can be the simplest thing. today i wasnted to cut so bad because the back ground to my computer got messed up. the little things lately have upset me so much. its really annoying. but i cant cut because i am on this "plan" thinger. i cant cut for a week, and if at the end of the week i NEED to cut then i can, but if i dont have to cut i have to go another week without cutting. it has been going good so far. today when i wanted to cut i just draged a safety pin across my arms it helped a little. but in the end i didnt cut. so thats good i guess.

Re: brain mess!
Posted by jue on Sun Dec 2 07:47:39 2001 (#21)

wow. sarah that totally sounded like it came out of my mouth. sometimes i think that if something goes wrong it is like a liscense or something for me to cut. like anything. sometimes i set myself up to cut by expecting the impossible. but i am starting to see that i should never let anything or anyone let me cut. when i step back and look at it i see that it is a no win situation so i try to tell myself that i will now let anyone make me cut. it is kind of like taking my power back you know? anyways take care...i can totally relate...julie

Re: brain mess!
Posted by tawnia on Mon Dec 3 08:15:19 2001 (#36)

I'm exactly the same way. Even on rare days when I'm in a really good mood and have NO intention of cutting, the SMALLEST, most insignificant thing can make me plummet, and want nothing more than to feel the razor slicing through my skin. Originally, I used knives, but my ghetto knives didn't work well enough (aka don't cut deep enough, no matter how hard I press). So, last week, I pulled apart a disposable razor and have been using that since. Tonight I went and actually bought - I'm not sure what you call them, but - the razor blades that are just blades and nothing else, for the sole purpose of cutting. So, yeah. I'm done now.

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

great!
Posted by kae on Sun Dec 2 10:49:42 2001 (#22)

I checked out the chatrooom and talked to Tawnia and Chris....its great to talk one-on-one to the ppl we usually post to. im just annoyed with how the chatroom is 'upside down'...the text goes at the top, instead of the bottom like most rooms. but hey....we'll get used to it i guess.

hopin to talk to you guys soon!

cya

kae

Re: great!
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 22:18:53 2001 (#25)

haha yeah I noticed that tooo..
kinda funky but I like it
the colors too :)
I wonder if it has/ or will have PM though..for someone who's in some need to really talk one on one..hmm
love-KAT

Re: great!
Posted by tawnia on Mon Dec 3 08:03:42 2001 (#34)

I agree with you, Kae - the whole new text at the top is rather annoying, but we will get used to it, and it really is great to be able to talk to one another, one-on-one. I also agree with Kat that they should add a way to PM. I had fun talking to you and Chris, and am looking forward to when more people come in.

Like the stars above...'til I die

tawnia

Re: great!
Posted by chris on Mon Dec 3 08:04:31 2001 (#35)

yay! yes, we talked to you. yay, i feel special. oh, hey! look! perl camel on the bottom right of the screen! perl!!!!

sorry. i'm done.

so is this new or what?
Posted by KAT on Sun Dec 2 17:54:45 2001 (#23)

hmmmmm?

chat room
Posted by jes on Sun Dec 2 19:38:47 2001 (#24)

umm, i might be REALLY stupid, but, i'm a little confused by the chat room. what are the colours codes bit? and that send action thingy. what are they for? it's al to much for my lil brain to cope with! xx

awww...
Posted by kae on Mon Dec 3 10:04:42 2001 (#37)

i just love the "welcome back - - - !" posted at the top of the board when you go to it, its so sweet!!

luv, kae

Re: awww...
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 00:13:19 2001 (#40)

i know!!! it rocks!

This is all the people I know
Posted by Jenny on Mon Dec 3 13:09:40 2001 (#38)

Its funny most of the people in here post on the other sI web sit its just really strange.
I have just found this site so Hi everyone

WOOOHOOO
Posted by *me* on Mon Dec 3 21:56:21 2001 (#39)

So I'm somewhat excited that, while I may be blocked from the actual site, I can still access the message board. This is good. :-)

Re: WOOOHOOO
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 00:14:05 2001 (#41)

yay!!!

Re: WOOOHOOO
Posted by Erin on Tue Dec 4 02:30:10 2001 (#44)

I know..I can get into this now too. its great

so nervous.......
Posted by kae on Tue Dec 4 03:21:19 2001 (#45)

arrghh tonight is our senior prizegiving....im terrified. this is NOT good. if im scared now, how will i be tonight??? i'll be a wreck by the time they call my name. i dont even know what im getting yet...i got a letter to say i was getting a prize though.

the doctor prescribed me some pills for my 'nerves' earlier this year. ive already taken two...plus some homeopathic stuff which is meant to calm nerves. il take some more before i go...and then hopefully i will be able to keep sane! im so scared....if im still like this in a few hours, i just know i'l end up cutting...NOT a good idea just before senior prizegiving i know!

*sigh*....i better shift my booty and get organised...i'll let you know how everything went, guys!!

cya later

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: so nervous.......
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 03:26:26 2001 (#46)

i wish you the best of luck!!!

Re: so nervous.......
Posted by kae on Tue Dec 4 10:41:18 2001 (#47)

i just got back from the prizegiving....

i won three cups! one for drama, one for japanese and one for dramatic reading....everyone was coming up and saying well done, etc....

the funny thing is...all i want to do right now is cut and then curl up in my room. i dont know why....shouldnt i be happy?

i dont know....i have to go

kae

Re: so nervous.......
Posted by kim on Tue Dec 4 22:08:38 2001 (#49)

you should be happy...but i get like that too. nothing could be wrong my life could be going great for that moment but i still need to cut. i think its because of memories and thinking to much. and being so used to not being happy that it just doesnt feel right when you are.

I met a PSYKE member
Posted by Nuni on Tue Dec 4 19:15:23 2001 (#48)

Hello everyone,
I wanted to share with you all that Maggie and I met at the other board. I live in San Diego CA, and she came to visit America from New Zealand. She is here with me. She is even more wonderful in person. This is so exciting for the both of us. Since we met we have exchanged e-mails, we chat on AIM. We never thought we would meet. Now we have!!! Take care!!
Nuni

Re: I met a PSYKE member
Posted by KAT on Wed Dec 5 00:04:21 2001 (#50)

Nuni..thats great!!
She sounds awsome
although I have met a person off the internet before and they turned out to be a very terrible person who ruined alot of my life
so be careful!!!!

Re: I met a PSYKE member
Posted by kae on Wed Dec 5 10:57:15 2001 (#53)

thats so great, you guys....!!! say hi to Maggie from me....from talking to her before, she sounds like a great person. hope you guys are having fun!!
tell her that the police are interviewing everyone tomorrow...she'll know what i mean!

luv 'n hugz, kae

hi i recognize more people here
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 5 06:47:58 2001 (#51)

this place is cool i like it better. please read my other post at the old psyke. i am losing control of my life

Re: hi i recognize more people here
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:17:18 2001 (#76)

elle, we are here or you.

aukee

one more thing
Posted by elle on Wed Dec 5 06:51:34 2001 (#52)

just to let everyone know, my new email is now

Sk8erLyd@aol.com

write me mail and make me feel loved please!!!

Re: one more thing
Posted by Nuni on Wed Dec 5 18:04:09 2001 (#54)

Hi,
I would like to send you a HUGE hug. Remind you that you are not alone, and you are loved. you are a sweet person!! Take care, and feel free to send an e-mail. Luv ya bunches!!!
Nuni

Re: one more thing
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Dec 6 01:54:11 2001 (#61)

Ella,
Here is a big (((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))) )))))
to let you know that I care about you and I do
love you. Please take care of yourself and email
if you ever want to talk. Maybe when I get the nerve I'll try the chat thing. I'm just a little
scared of that. Take care honey.
Love, Rhonda

Re: one more thing
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Thu Dec 6 12:04:17 2001 (#68)

take care sweetheart
I love you
hug's and kisses
CriMsOn*TeArS

how's tara?
Posted by elle on Fri Dec 7 04:42:22 2001 (#81)

do you remember me? you're tara's mom right? how is she? i havent heard from/about her in forever

Re: how's tara?
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Dec 9 16:24:48 2001 (#108)

Yes, I remember you. Tara is doing fine. She moved
out in August with her boyfriend. She still has
down days, but hasn't cut in about 6 months now.
We talk every day and most of the time she comes
over and sees me before she goes to work. Her
boyfriend is really nice and is there for her when
she gets to feeling down. I'll tell her you asked
about her. She doesn't really have much time for
getting on the computer but still asks about all of you as she knows I still come here every day.
Take care of yorself Elle. Write whenever you feel
like it.
Love, Rhonda

i luv u 2 n/p *NM*
Posted by elle on Fri Dec 7 04:40:04 2001 (#80)

Re: one more thing
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:03:48 2001 (#71)

when did you change your email addy?

i didnt really...
Posted by elle on Fri Dec 7 04:43:33 2001 (#82)

i just got a new one. i still use the regular one most of the time

my stregnth is gone
Posted by hughey on Wed Dec 5 22:34:05 2001 (#55)

hi this is hughey, im not sure what i want to say i cant really think right now. some of you may have read some of my previous stuff,but i'll recap. i am a female from MI. and i have been cutting for ten years. it has progressivly gotten worse-i cannot stop until i need stitches. this is not something i am proud of nor do i share with other people. i am severly depressed-i was in the psych unit for three weeks not too long ago it didnt help much and i am taking depression meds-but i have been depressed for so long i will not live like this anymore. i am hopeless about the future and i do not believe things will get better. my birthday is Dec.30 and this is the day i have chosen to end my life. thank you all for the love and support you have offered to me ,i wish you all the best of luck. do not be afraid to seek out help, there are alot of caring people out there. if cutting is your way of "feeling" anything of feeling something just to know your still alive as i have done for many years,dont let anyone tell you that you are wrong or crazy everyone has there own way of dealing. you have friends on this site. thank you all take care love always--hughey

Re: my stregnth is gone
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Thu Dec 6 00:44:58 2001 (#58)

okay i dont know what to say...just please think about what you are planning on doing. once you do it there is no way back. i dont know alot about you or what you have been through, but you seem like a great person. there is always something to live for. always. family. friends. dreams. love. there is always something. i know you have probably alreayd thought about all of this. but you mean a lot to the people on the board we will all miss you dearly...please think about what you are going to do. i cant stop you. but i just needed to tell you what i think. if there is anything i can do, or if you just need to talk PLEASE email me!!

Re: my stregnth is gone
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Dec 6 01:59:25 2001 (#63)

Oh Hughey,
Please stop and think about things first. We all
care about you here and want to help. HOw can we help?? Please let us know. Every life is something
special to me and I don't really know what to say
that would mean anything to you. Just know that
I will be saying prayers for you and if you want
to talk, email me. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: my stregnth is gone
Posted by jue on Thu Dec 6 03:21:04 2001 (#64)

careful hughey. e-mail me if you want.

Re: my stregnth is gone
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Thu Dec 6 11:53:56 2001 (#67)

awww Hughey :(
Please rethink about this, we dont want to lose you, although I have never really communicated with you, I have read previous posts of yours, and you seem to be going through so much pain, but we all love you, no matter what else happens, we are always here to try and help, that may sound pityful and meaningless, yeh.. only words I know but we love you, you will be missed dearly, please reconsider, please?
if you ever want to talk, Im usually online,
I have yahoo messenger and MSN messenger..for both accounts my address is "HellboundAngel666" or just email me sometime, either to gothic_skys@hotmail.co m or hellboundang el@hotmail.com....please take care sweetheart, never forget, we all love you,
thinking of you
Love always
CriMsOn*TeArS

Please don't be angry....
Posted by tawnia on Thu Dec 6 06:02:34 2001 (#65)

Dear Hughey;

I'm going to take a major risk with what I have to say, and I ask you to try not to be angry with me, or use what I have to say as more motivation/another reason to kill yourself (ie to prove me wrong). Just hear what I have to say, and think about it, ok? Well, you can't help it if you get mad, but just REALLY think about what I'm saying. Anyhoos...

Based on your post, you have obviously decided that you are prepared to end your life, and you've even chosen the specific date (one that's not very far off at all). However, even if you don't realize it, I think there's a small part of you, probably very, very small since you don't even seem to be aware of it, that still wants to live. Urgh. Okay, I'm not criticising you for your post in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. I think it's really great that you came here, before you did it b/c hopefully everyone here can work on talking you out of it. But I also look at it as possibly an unconscious cry for help or something. I'm not debating whether or not you are actually prepared to die, or if you're capable of doing it; I'm certain you could. But I'm PLEADING with that small part of you that doesn't want to die to not do it. I'm not going to pretend to know you or what you're going through, so I can't really say much about your specific situation. However, no matter how hopeless a situation seems, and no matter how long it's been going on for, it can get better. Again, it seems unconscious, or maybe you no longer believe it applies to you, but the way you ended your post, with thanks, encouragement, support, and hope for everyone who comes here makes me think that you know, deep down, that things can get better. Obviously, you don't think so for yourself, but it CAN. Like I said before, I can't speak for your life or situation, but I can say with absolute certainty that a lot of people here would miss you, and it would be a blow to everyone knowing that someone we talked to and cared about is no longer alive *massive hugs*.

I'm not going to lie. Obviously things aren't going to be easy, and it's not going to get better over night. But if nothing else, take those three things (the very small part of you that wants to live, the small hope that things will get better, and the fact that you mean something to the people here) to keep yourself from doing it. Please, Hughey! Since you've been dealing with this for 10 years now, it's probably near impossible to believe things will get better; I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with my depression for about 8 years now, so I know how hard it can be sometimes.

This is probably going to sound INCREDIBLY stupid and selfish, but I feel like (even though I don't know you) that if I can't talk you out of this, that I've failed you and that I was not able to do what I think you're subconciously looking for -someone to talk you out of what you're prepared to do. And I know that you are prepared, and that scares me. I really, really don't want you to do it. Please! If you want, you can e-mail me or talk to me on an Instant Messenger service (I have MSN IM, AOL IM, and ICQ) so, if you have any of those, let me know. Also, I know for me, things tend to be the worst late at night, so really, if this would help you in any way and keep you from doing it, I can give you my phone # and you can call me, any time, day or night. My Mom is used to me getting late night phone calls, and she knows about what I'm going through and how adamant I am about people calling me whenever they need to. Okay? Please don't do it, Hughey *massive hugs*.

Like the stars above...'til I die.

ttfn,
tawnia

Re: my stregnth is gone
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:05:41 2001 (#72)

sweetie, if you are telling us not to be afraid to seek out help,, you should go get help too. i know what its like to want to die... but just stay with us, i mean, what would you do with the new x-mas presants? lol

Suspended because of Cutting
Posted by Aukee on Wed Dec 5 23:10:40 2001 (#57)

well. basically this is what happened.. short and sweet, the nurse, asked me how i cut myself, and i said with a razor, and she made me give it up, which isnt that bad, because i have a whole lot more, but she said that i could be suspended for being a razor into school, and she had to discuss it with the other nurse to see weither or not she has to tell. And if they decided to tell, than that means that i get suspended to a min of 5 days.

~ Aukee ~

Re: Suspended because of Cutting
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Thu Dec 6 00:46:42 2001 (#59)

i wish you the best of luck...i hope you dont get suspended im sure everything will work out

Re: Suspended because of Cutting
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Dec 6 01:56:35 2001 (#62)

While I can understand about the razor thing, I
would like to think that they would try to help
you instead in getting you suspended. Don't really
see a point in that. If you ever want to talk, just email me. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Im worried....
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Thu Dec 6 06:35:56 2001 (#66)

..hey all, sorry I haven't posted in a while, Ive had abit on my mind.
Right..
Ive just started a job, and Im really worried, its working in a pizza place and I dont know what do to about my scars.. Im gonna have to wear a short sleved top and Im sure they'll say something.. how can I hide them??!.. I wish I hadnt cut there now but its too late.. what can I do!?!?! PLEASE!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!
love as always
CriMsOn*TeaRs

Re: Im worried....
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:10:50 2001 (#74)

well underneath your short sleeve top wear a long sleeve shirt, and when they ask you whats up, just tell them you are cold.. OR you could just go and fuck everyone, and be like I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. THIS IS WHAT I DID AND I AM NOT GOING TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH HELL BECUASE OF IT, well i mean, dont say that litterly, but think it, becuase, this is what we do, it shouldnt be something we are ashamed of doing, it shouldnt be something that makes us feel worse.. now i know, that doing that is a whole hell of a lot harder that saying it., but... good luck

love you

Aukee

Re: Im worried....
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Fri Dec 7 02:22:23 2001 (#77)

hey Aukee.. thanks for the reply
I went into work today, got given my tshirt so I put it on, he said somethig about my scars.. asked where they came from I said that my pet rat had scratched me.. he said not to let it happen cause it'll put cusrtomers off, it really pissed me off..
oh well
love you
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: Im worried....
Posted by pink girl on Fri Dec 7 12:24:04 2001 (#88)

i know how you feel.
when i worked in a pub over the summer i had to wear a short sleaved t shirt and i was so self consious of my arms. i only had one really bad mark but still sometimes i was paranoid. but only one bloke ever commented.
but just hang in there. you can do it. you have nothing to be ashamed of just stay strong and f$@k anyone who trys to tell you otherwise.
take care and hope the job goes well!
hope that makes sense?!
love 'n' hugs
xxx

hey..........
Posted by jes on Thu Dec 6 13:57:43 2001 (#69)

umm, dunno. i just feel like shite. i want to cut but i don't. i want to die but i don't. i want to be happy. no buts, I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
All of my friends are getting replies from uni's and are talking about moving away etc. i'm not even at fucking college. i have fucked up soo much. even if i do go to college now, that won't be till september, then that's another two years, which i have to do well in. then if by some miracle i manage to do something worth mentioning, i then have to go thru all of the shit that my friends are going thru now. they'll all be looking forward to careers whilst i'm just starting another education. i don't think i can do this. i nearly fucked up my GCSE's, i fucked up my A-levels. and i can't do it. i think i was just put on this stupid fucking earth to fill an empty space. i don't deserve to be here.
i've discovered the wonders of knives. well, not all knives, but thi lil one we have at home, which is sharp, but near the tip of it, for about 2 cm's, it's serrated. it hurts me to do it, and it hurts like hell after, it still hurts to touch now, after two days and it's not even that deep. i don't know why i'm, saying this. i need to punch something. last night evrtime i moved from my rut in the sofa, i couldn't help myelf, i had to punch, i wanted to scream, i'd even get up just so i could takeon the bleedin door.
i'm fucked and useless...............nevermin d, sorry for wastinf ur time. xx

Re: hey..........
Posted by Star (amz) on Sun Dec 9 14:10:25 2001 (#107)

darling you are not a fuck up or whatever you think you are your amazing, i love you so much and i wish id never mentioned uni i feel so bad now as i feel as though i was going about it too much and stuff, n i sawe your arm and i dont think ypu shpuld cut with that knife anymore it looked really sore.
Take care Amz xxx

Re: hey..........
Posted by jes on Sun Dec 9 18:13:48 2001 (#109)

when? what? oh, nevrmind. i haven't anyways. love xxx

Re: hey..........
Posted by Aukee on Thu Dec 6 17:08:34 2001 (#73)

i know that right now you are feeling like, the world is complelty worthless and you dont want to be in it, you just dont see the point. But there is a reason that you are here, there is a reason.. you may not see it now, or you may not see it tomarrow, but someday, the reason will be known to you..

love you

Aukee

a bunch of random things
Posted by *me* on Fri Dec 7 02:53:02 2001 (#78)

Ok...first of all...dude the message board thing says "welcome back *me*," and when I go to post, *me* is already there! That kinda freaked me out. How does it do that???

Second of all...I feel so crappy lately! I hate when I feel like this - like worse than usual, you know? So anywayz, today at lunch I dunno, my friends and I got into talking about weird qualities, and someone was like, "perfect ppl are always hiding something." And everyone looked at ME and was like, "you are the most perfect person I know. What are you hiding?" And it p*ssed me off. That's part of what makes me so pressured - having to live up to everyone's standards. It's like the whole world expects me to be freaking perfect. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG GHHHHHHHH.

And this new message board is randomly blocking me from certain posts. :-(

baaaaaah.

Re: a bunch of random things
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Fri Dec 7 03:32:26 2001 (#79)

Hey *me*
at least you have standards?..people dont expect anything of me, and it puts me down, I suppose this is a complete opposition, Im a total bum, do nothing, dropped school, life sucks, no one seems to expect anything of me, its like they dont believe im capable of reaching high standards so they dont bother to encourage me, probably true, but hey.
anyway, hope your feeling better soon
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArS

hey
Posted by elle on Fri Dec 7 04:46:33 2001 (#83)

sounds like things are getting worse and worse. hang in there hun. i feel like i havent talked to you in years.
~elle~

Re: a bunch of random things
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 17:13:30 2001 (#92)

yeah,, i hate when that happens. But dont let yourself change for anybody but YOU. you know, dont let yourself live to any certain standards or anything., BE YOURSELF. and be happy with who you are..

love

aukee

Aukee...isnt it funny....
Posted by elle on Fri Dec 7 04:47:38 2001 (#84)

isnt it wierd how nobody here remembers us? i dont think anyone here knows who you are cause you changed your name!!! haha

Re: Aukee...isnt it funny....
Posted by Aukee on Fri Dec 7 16:44:24 2001 (#89)

no one remembers us.. booo hoo hooo. oh well. Im sure even if i used my old name, no one would remember me either, becuase i dont remember any one these people, BUT!!! colin has returned.. lol

love ya

Aukee

Re: Aukee...isnt it funny....
Posted by .::*kim*::. on Fri Dec 7 22:02:20 2001 (#95)

i wouldnt remember you guys...i am kinda new here...but welcome back!