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You're not alone by Mo When I was about 14 years old my parents split up. I know that it's really common now and it wasn't the main reason for my depression. It was the way that it happened. My parents had been fighting a lot, for years actually, but staying together for my sister and me. One night when I was 14 my dad asked me to come out into the garage and he was crying. I had never seen him cry before and it scared me. He told me "your mom is leaving us." I didn't really believe it was happening. The next night my dad tried to kill himself. Thank god he did not. When I got home from school the next day, my mom had moved out already. I didn't see her for a few months. During that time, I lived in hell with my dad. I hung around with a bad group and did things that no 14-year-old should ever do. I dropped acid at that age, had sex, robbed stores, stole cars, committed fraud, lied, drank every weekend, and did just about everything else. I did these things because I didn't care about myself and, therefore, didn't care about anyone else either. I regret these things so much now; I am ashamed of the things I have done. During this time, I used to cry all the time at night and was in a great depression. I didn't care if I lived or died and it felt like no one else cared either. I used to cut myself up for no reason that I could explain and I did things even though I knew I would get hurt. I used to think about ways in which I could kill myself. I wanted to jump in front of a car on the highway and end it, but was worried that I would live. I thought of so many ways, but I realized that I could not do that to my family. I realized that I would be killing a part of them if I did this to myself. I was also afraid of what death was. I thought that maybe I would be dead but could still see everyone and have to see them getting over me and getting on with their lives like I never even existed. I saw a very expensive psychologist who I spoke to because what I really needed was someone to talk to and listen to me. Things do get better! When you are at the bottom it can only get better. Top of page Webmaster: wulff@ratatosk.net |