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Afflictions of The Soul: The Truth Behind Self-Injury

Copyright, Lauren Morante

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Chapter Four: “Aftermath”

“It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one’s steps to the upper air — there’s the rub, the task.” (Source: Virgil, The Aeneid: section 4)

Life after self-injury. To some, it seems like a fantasy. A dream that will never happen. So drowned in their emotions, and their pain, that they do not see a way out. But when their acts of self-harm are brought out in the open, they have no choice but to face the barrage of angry, hurt and confused faces of their family, friends and peers.

So what does it mean for the family and friends? To suddenly discover that someone very close to them had been deliberately inflicting wounds upon themselves for an unknown period of time? It is perfectly natural for them to feel upset, angry and helpless, but rather than being angered and horrified, they need to regard it as a way the self-harmer in question uses to cope with the stresses and difficulties in life.

“It was the worst feeling… It was my little brother who found out about it, and confronted me. Mum overheard the conversation, and it all went downhill from there. She was so hostile towards me.. She went to my school, told my principal, which was then passed down to all my teachers, now I can’t go anywhere without being watched, I’m being forced to go to a counsellor, because if I don’t the school’s threatened to have me taken to an institution… I was getting better. I was getting help before mum found out, but now it’s been made so much harder.” (Interview #5)

The path of discovery and recovery can be a long and difficult one to take. The longer an individual has self-harmed, the longer it will take to recuperate from it. It usually begins when someone who self-harms is found out by a peer, friend or family member. The worst thing that they can do is to confront the self injurer. (www.nshn.co.uk 2002)

One must keep a non-judgemental frame of mind if they wish to help their family member or friend who self-harms, as being condemned for what they do is exactly what self-injurers fear. As I have discovered from my interviews, one of their most common obstacles when trying to overcome self-harm is their family becoming aggressive towards them, attempting to stop their loved one from harming themselves by physical means. I have determined from my research that the crucial point that needs to be emphasised here is that self-injury is not the problem, it is just a symptom. The family and friends of a self-harmer should not be focusing on the act of deliberately inflicted damage, rather the issues that lay hidden behind the actions.

Even though a person wants to move on from their self-injury, there are still going to be times when they slip up. Peers, family and friends need to try and look at the positives; At least the individual is trying to get better. Threatening the self-harmer with ultimatums or hospitalisation will only prolong the problem, and in some cases of where self-injurers have been institutionalised, the situation can worsen and even lead to suicide. (www.siari.co.uk 2000)

So what about those who have moved on? Are they living normal lives completely free of their past discretion’s with a blade? Most are still living with the scars and the emotional guilt left behind after loved ones discovered them, or dealing with the torment of desire, knowing they can never go back to self-injury without a multitude of complications.

“Moving on for some, is just a phase between pretending to be okay without their release and finding the excuse to disregard promises to loved ones, before returning from whenst they came.” (Interviewee #9)

As the old saying goes, the wounds may heal but the scars still remain. Everytime a past self-harmer feels stressed or anxious or upset, they will notice their scars, and begin to be tempted back into their old ways. This is especially the case if self-abusers have left traces of their wounds in visible places such as their limbs.

The sad truth is, no-one is ever well and truly free from self-injury. And nor will they ever be. Each time the individual feels an onslaught of emotions coming on, they will remember how they used to inflict such damage upon themselves, and how it would make everything fine again. Even if it’s only for an instant.

While the thoughts will forever remain present in the minds of a self-harmer, they are still capable of controlling themselves. It takes a large amount of courage for self-injurers to admit they need help. Bringing their acts of self-harm out into the eyes of those around them could very likely invoke their greatest fears of rejection, isolation, and hopelessness.

One of the best things a person can do to help an individual who self-injures would be to take a non-judgemental approach, show compassion, care, and acceptance. It might just save their life.

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